Who Needs This Ass Hat? We've Got It Covered.

Yesterday Tim Sullivan submitted this column to the San Diego Union-Tribune. Essentially, Sullivan feels that the Chargers defensive front seven is deserving of their very own nickname. Something fierce, reminiscent of the Steelers’ Iron Curtain of yore. As much as it pains me to admit, I have to agree with Mr. Sullivan here. This group does deserve its own nickname, and not the recycled, unimaginative “Magnificent 7” the UT coined them as a few weeks back. Why not just, “The San Diego Steel Curtain?” Timmy doesn’t do much better. Here’s a few of his suggestions for you:

The San Diego Concussion Company - Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? And I’m sure that won’t elicit any extra officiating attention from the NFL. Those guys have a great sense of humor.

The Bruise Cruise - Not without Fred Smoot, you don’t.

Blue Steel - Blue Steel? Been watching a little too much Cinemax After Dark lately, TS? “She was a lady cop, on the trail of a sexy killer…Blue Steel.”

The Border Patrol - You’ve got to be kidding me. In a league where someone’s trying to get the Redskins to change their name every year? I don’t think so.

Just ugly stuff. Let’s get creative. Let’s think outside the box here, people. Try this one on for size:

Sherwood Forest - “You can’t get through Sherwood Forest, because there’s Merriman everywhere.”

Snap! You know that shit is ill. Use it. Go ahead, say it to that cute chick who hangs out at the bar on Sundays pretending she knows about football. She will totally have sex with you for being so clever and original. You’ll probably need to explain it several times, but once she gets it, you’ll get it. Seriously, go ahead. Have fun with it. I don’t mind if people use my boundless wit to score themselves some tail. Just don’t try to make any money off of it, because I will sue the crap out of you. I am a red blooded American after all. Go Bolts!!!

That's A Charger Girl. Look How Dedicated She Is, Even In Her Leisure Time. Are You?

Don’t give me that crap about who we’ve played. Baltimore hasn’t played anyone either, but suddenly everybody claims to have picked them to go to the Superbowl and just forgot to write it down. And no, Tampa Bay isn’t anybody, by the way. Baltimore has been impressive, though. In fact, regardless of how bad the Titans, Raiders and Bucs are, both the Ravens and the Chargers deserve the praise they’re getting. Good teams beat bad teams. The Ravens and Chargers are killing bad teams. Seriously, if those other teams were baby Harp Seals, PETA would be falling all over themselves trying to rescue them. Crazy rich activists would be trying to buy up all the tickets to all the games so that they wouldn’t have to play them. What will the Bolts and the Poes do to each other? I’m all atwitter with anticipation.

This Philip Rivers kid is pretty good. Sure, he missed some golden opportunities and probably should have got the team into the end zone a couple of more times, but all in all, he looked pretty sharp. He certainly has a knack for rolling to his right and hitting McCardell. How many times did they run that play? And how is it that the Titans didn’t see it coming even once. Ouch. It will definitely be interesting to see how ole Rollout does against the sure to be a bit more insistent pass rush of Baltimore. I have to say, I will be surprised if we hang 40 on them.

The Best Ever continued to be…well…the Best Ever against the Titans. For all you geeks out there that took Larry Johnson first in your fantasy drafts, I just want to say I’m murdering my league with TBE. Neener, neener, neener. Something tells me TBE will find a way to be the first player to find the Ravens end zone this season.

Speaking of running backs, The Burner continues to be explosive when he merely needs to be there. You can’t tell me the Titans didn’t know he was out there to run the ball up the middle and eat clock. I certainly don’t think we were trying to roll it up on them.

Gates was Gatesian, although there were a couple of times where, if Rollout would have hit his spot, he could have broken out big time. Parker had an outstanding grab down the middle. That guy is going to thrive as his quarterback matures. McCardell was a first down machine, and Floyd and Big Vinny saw a little action as well, with Floyd looking like he may be the real deal there.

Shawne Merriman, who I’ll be referring to as Manimal in honor of his beastly play on the field as well as the great TV series of the same name, showed off more skills. He reminded us all that Manimal isn’t all tits and ass and sacks, and while he is those things, he’s also about INTs and swatting balls to the ground. His interception, where he actually turned invisible to get Kerry Collins to try to throw the ball through him, was nothing short of Biblical. The sad part is that the second he caught that ball A.J. Smith was on the phone offering up Donnie Edwards to the local Liquor Barn for a case of Hamm’s and a pack of Swisher Sweets.

The ultimate shocker prize of the day goes to Quentin Jammer. During the third quarter Jammer flew in and broke up a pass. Inexplicably it seemed, he began running around the field, avoiding Titans players to the best of his ability. At first I thought that this was the weirdest defensive celebration I’d ever seen. Had QJ lost his marbles. Then I realized that Jammer actually had the football. Instead of merely deflecting it to the ground with his hands and/or chest, he retained possession of the ball, accomplishing what other teams in the league refer to as a Defensive Back Intercepting the Football (DBIF). Look at him already earning that $25 million. You go, Quentin Jammer! Here’s to hopefully lots more DBIFs in the future!

Nate Kaeding kicked, like about a dozen field goals and extra points. Good job.

Mike Scifres punted some times. Well done.

All in all, a fantastic effort from the greatest football team to take the field since the game was played by actual Titans and their opponents were actual Gods who hurled actual lightning bolts. That’s how you start a season. Way to do the job, boys. Go Bolts!!!

NO BLACKOUT!

Have a bad ass football weekend! Go Bolts!!!

It's Your Lucky Friday! You Get A Girl And A Story! Hurray!

That Scarlett Johansson is a saucy little minx, isn't she? Now for the bad news. Here comes the cussing.

Welcome to the first installment of, “What the fuck happened to Inside the NFL? I swear to God I nearly kicked a hole in my TV last night. One of my great joys in life used to be sitting back and watching the Thursday night show. Especially when the Chargers are good. Especially when the Chargers are winning. I was skeptical when they dropped guys like the pleasantly spastic Jerry Glanville and mafia thug Nick Buoniconti for the low watt duo of Dan Marino and Chris Carter. I nearly folded my cards when the brought in imperial suck-up Peter King. But I persevered because I still liked Costas, loved to hate Chris Collinsworth, and could never get my fill of their amazing highlight reels, which always showed angles on key plays that no network camera hack could ever capture. The voice of Harry Kalas, while he’s no John Facenda, wrapped the whole thing together in a nice tight bow. Good, quality stuff. Well, after last night I will only watch this show to mock and ridicule it until whatever woman who is running that outfit completely buries it. I knew it was bad when Costas, who has become a caricature of himself while tenuously grasping his youth (Sorry, Bob, you’re looking old), prefaced the whole affair by explaining the new format or philosophy or whatever. You’re going to see less highlights. Not all of the games will be covered. Your team needs to perform their way into Inside the NFL. You see, they want to bring out the more human element of the game, so some of the highlight match-ups are going to contain the story inside the story wrapped up in the- Oh God, whatever, we’re fucked. Here’s what you may have missed.

The open the highlights with the Steelers-Dolphins game. As I’m sure you can guess, the big story inside the story(SIS) there is Dante Culpepper’s amazing comeback from a severely shredded knee. The massive rehab. Learning a new system. This is football. Oh wait. That wasn’t the SIS at all. The SIS here is Bill Cowher’s effing daughter. How growing up every Sunday was take your daughter to work day. About how she was just the most adorable armchair QB ever, and how even now she is rabid in her love for football. This went on for about 5 minutes before they actually show any of the game. Then, after every Steeler play they have to show darling daughter’s reaction up in the box! F YOU, COSTAS!

Apparently, the Saints-Browns game was highlight worthy, cause it was in there. What a load of Bullshit. Yeah, yeah, Reggie Bush. Go to Hell. They showed the Ravens beat the crap out of the Bucs. I’m sure that was Peter King’s pick. He loves that asshat murderer.

Then they did a Pat Tillman memorial. Sort of. Actually, it wasn’t a memorial at all. It was Peter King trying to get Jake Plummer to say he hates the government. It was all about the “cover up.” About how devastated everyone was to have learned the TRUTH. Am I the only one in the world who thinks that we’d all be better off believing that Tillman died storming a hill for his country, instead of knowing that, unfortunately, he died due to the sad reality that in combat, sometimes things don’t go exactly the way their supposed to. But the media needed everyone to know the truth. They needed their own version of a hero. Someone who’s story made the government look as bad as possible. I get the feeling no one will be happy until Bush comes out and admits that he shot Tillman, in the Oval office, because Tillman was a super secret agent for Democracy who was about to blow the lid off the great oil conspiracy once and for all. Sorry to get all political on you, but Inside the NFL started it. F YOU, KING!

On to the next SIS, Kevin Mawae’s brother died. In Iraq. That is sad. I genuinely feel bad for Kevin Mawae. I would be devastated if my brother were killed. But honestly, to intersperse “highlights” from the Titans-Browns game with 5 minutes worth of Kevin Mawae talking about his brother was a pretty big downer. Especially considering they lost the damn game. Hey Inside the NFL, why don’t go for the old paper cut and lemon juice treatment while you’re at it?

Now for my favorite part of the show. The Retard Face-Off, where Dan Dan the Isotoner Man Marino and Chris Carter (I have no nickname for Chris Carter at this time, but I’d like to point out that he is living proof that you can spend over a decade in the NFL without garnering any workable football knowledge whatsoever) debate the critical NFL issues of the week. Ooh. Nothing too surprising here, other than the fact that both of these knuckleheads were savvy enough to agree that it is unlikely Bill Parcells will sit Drew Bledsoe after one off week against a solid Jacksonville D. So there you go fantasy geeks. Don’t start Romo, Bledsoe’s getting another shot. Also, I was a bit in awe at the confidence with which Danny Boy picked Seattle to represent the NFC this year, despite their rather unconvincing 9-6 yawner against the LIONS. Thank God Pittsburgh won Thursday or Marino might have had to dig into his bag of original thoughts for his Superbowl picks. Kidding, no such bag exists.

Just to twist the knife, they finish up the highlights with Philly beating the tar out of the Texans and went on to show their week 2 picks, but only for about 6 or 7 games. Gee, I guess they want you to go their website to see the rest. After a two minute diatribe on who knows what by the oh-so-grating Lewis Black, the show ended and I was ready to go wash my toaster in the bathtub.

In closing, they only showed highlights for about half the teams. Included in those highlights were clip from games involving such compelling teams as the Browns and the Texans. So, unless your team includes Reggie Bush, one of the Manning brothers or America’s favorite murderer, don’t bother tuning in to this horse shit. Of course, I can be sure to see Charger highlights next week, because if Steve Foley isn’t the SIS, I don’t know what is. I can't believe that Chris Collinsworth is the best thing about this show.

Quick prediction based on the fact that the Titans can’t possibly be any worse or even as bad as the Raiders: Chargers 34, Titans 16. Go Bolts!!!

Yep, It's week 2...

So, while sweating in the rain in Texas, I came across this gem. Robert Gallery and his Commitment to Suckitude, or Mediocrity, or the Doormats as it may be, is out for 2 to 3 weeks due to a strained calf. It appears that not only can no one block the monster that is Shawne "I'm Better than Junior" Merriman, but he gets hurt when he even attempts to do so. I really love the Raiders, it's fun to have their laughable program in our division.

It appears that I will be the only one of us to actually see the Titans game this weekend. Between shots of Jack Daniel's and hanging out with rockstars, I will attempt to post coherent analysis of the game. If I can beat the groupies off of me long enough to watch the slaughter you will know about it. This is my commitment to all of the six people who enjoy reading this drivel. Oh, and it's 95 degrees and raining, but that will not keep me from my duties here as football critic. Thank you and enjoy your day...

Hef Can Afford To Bring All Of His Friends. I Wish I Was Hef's Friend.

So, I missed this gem of an article in the Union-Tribune yesterday. I missed it because I try to not really ever look at the U-T anymore, because it’s usually loaded with fluff and bullshit like, “A.J. Smith don’t take no guff,” and “Bruce Bochy doesn’t at all manage the Padres like they’re a little league team.” I wish I had read this article, though, because I could have used the ammo in some of the conversations I was having last night about why Sunday’s Charger game is likely to be blacked out locally. Of course, nobody was arguing with me, but I treat every conversation like a debate, which is why I’m such a joy to be around. Seriously, if you tell me my mother is an angel, I will probably try to point out why she may, in fact, be a whore. That’s just how I roll.

The gist of this particular piece of U-T tripe is about the how and the why of this weekend’s potential blackout. The U-T points out the ridiculous ticket packages that management makes people buy as a possible reason, but stops short of actually pointing any fingers. Chargers COO Jim Steeg theorizes that perhaps people believe the game is sold out. He is pretty sure that it has little to do with the absurd ticket packages or the price increase during the off-season. Seriously, he took the crack pipe out of his mouth long enough to actually say those things to the media. Sure, Jim. I know I had people coming up to me left and right yesterday saying, “I really want to go spend a shitload of money to see the Chargers beat up on the lowly, starless Titans this Sunday, but I have to assume that contest is sold out.”

Let’s break down what is going on here. THE CHARGERS WANT TO LEAVE TOWN! They want to leave town and make the most money they possibly can on the way out. They sell a bunch of preseason tickets at full price to people that want to see the team play a contender like the Steelers, but fail to sell out games against the league’s retards, like the Titans, so they are free to say this town doesn’t support the team. We are being fleeced, and in the end we will have nothing to show for it. They’ve priced out the regular fan. When it’s going to cost me $150 or more to enjoy a full day at the stadium, you can bet I’m not going to waste it watching the filthy Titans. And families? Forget about it. This team claims it can’t make money in San Diego, and I’m here to call bullshit. Bullshit to any organization that has strong-armed it’s hometown into purchasing a state of the art stadium. I hope you all know this, but in case you don’t:

With the very rare exception of teams like the Montreal Expos or the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, professional teams make a shitload of money for their owners!!

They may not make mad money as far as operating costs versus ticket revenue (although they probably do), but there are a hundred other ways they make money by owning a team. These are business men. They did not make enough money to own sports teams so they could lose all that money.

Be all that as it may, I intend to find one of those guys outside the stadium who always claim to need tickets, but are willing to sell the ones they already have. I’m going to try to get one for around $50. I will then take the $30 I saved and change it out to quarters. Then I will take my baseball sized wad of quarters and, using the tomato can rocket launcher I built when I was 9, I will fire it through the owner’s box window and see if I can’t wing me a Spanos. Greedy bastards! Quit screwing with my true love!

On another note. As we are on the subject of greed, I must apologize. I have a bit of a hangover, and my favorite hangover game is introspection. During this morning of self revelation I realized that I judged the coaching in Monday night’s game perhaps too harshly. It may have been a bit boring to watch The Best Ever run repeatedly into nine guys during the third quarter of that game, but who am I to judge a performance that netted my team a 27-0 win? A fool, that’s who. Hurray to the Chargers players and coaches for a game well fought and won! Hurray for many more to come! Go Bolts!!!

We Are Better Than The Raiders.

Let me preface this post by saying there was no actual infanticide during the Monday Night Football game. We were in a bar, and the only way to get a baby inside would have been to sneak it in under our coat. What kind of person would sneak a baby into a bar just in case their team pisses them off and they need an extreme outlet for their anger? Maximum Colossus is no such monster. (You’ve got to spell it out for the masses, C. J. Collectively, they’re a bunch of idiots. Hey, they can’t read it if I put it in quotes, can they?)

I don’t really have much else to say that hasn’t been said. You can’t be too unhappy with a shutout against arguably your most hated rival, even if said rival looked like it had been hit by a bus. Aaron Brooks spent most of the game writhing around on the turf like Steve Buscemi hit him with the Buckwheats in the first quarter. That O-line got pretty big ups by the paid sports media during the preseason, what with Gallery going back to his college spot on the line. Come Monday morning that line, which from this point forward I will refer to as Linda for blowing like that, reminded me of Jennifer Love Hewitt’s jock boyfriend in Can’t Hardly Wait after he dumped her. I’m pretty sure one of those writers in there called Linda a fag.

On the flip side, the Chargers reminded me of J. Love’s breasts in I Know What You Did Last Summer. Awesome! Totally freakin’ awesome! I mean, sure, we’ll have to wait at least another week to see if our O-line can protect Philip Rivers for more than a handful of plays, but all in all, it looked good. I was also a little flustered that Marty decided not to test his young QB in the game, and instead hoard a 13 point lead against a team with some big play weapons. We don’t have much time to get him accustomed to the passing game before we go up against Baltimore, so it might be a good idea to take it out on the bad teams. Rivers looked great when he was allowed to throw, but those opportunities were just too few and far between for my tastes. Also, we may need Tomlinson later in the season. Solid ‘A’ effort, though, guys!

So, next Sunday we play the Titans. I’m not going to go too heavily into that right now, but I’m sure over the next couple of days, you’ll hear stuff like, “Oh, Kerry Collins, we can totally kick his ass,” and, “Titans, Schmitans, we will piss all over that poor excuse for a footballing club!” Go Bolts!!!

Monday Night Madness...

Week One is officially upon and behind us. Football is back. I couldn’t be happier. Today was spent anticipating the large division rivalry that has defined our team for years and years. It’s Raider Week. For the first time in a long while we enter this game with a tremendous question at quarterback. Will he or won’t he be any good? For the last handful of months we have tossed theory after theory back and forth about this one. None of us here were worried about it. What did we find out? We found out that we are going to have to wait until the coaches are ready for us to find out…

Raider week began with a bang. Our recipe for success, LTD x 31. He managed 99 total yards in the first quarter. What? You’d think that with a rookie at the helm that the Commitment to Mediocrity coaching staff would key on LTD. Not to be. Boy Wonder did what he does and he did it well.

Now, far be it for me to be critical… yeah, that’s pretty funny, but well, everyone is going to get a “Get Foley Out of Jail Free Card” tonight, and they are not going to be subject to the midseason criticism that I would normally unleash upon them. It’s kind of difficult to be hypercritical of a game plan that nets you a 27-0 victory in the season opener. But, with all due respect (and yes that means everything from here on out is meant with the utmost disrespect) the coaches were maddening tonight. They had driven Max Colossus to baby killing in the third quarter, and I right behind him volunteering to hold the infant girl down while he bludgeoned her with a mag lite. By the time the third quarter clock was winding down, I was ready to sacrifice all small felines in my neighborhood at the expense of Marty and his ‘gameplan’. This was one of the most unsatisfying 27-0 shutouts I have ever experienced.

There were some positives. Well, a positive. The defense. The defense was miraculously vicious. Shawne the Maniac was all over the field making Aaron Brooks his bitch. Seriously, if those two were in prison, Brooks would be limping in the yard mumbling something about trading his first born for some lube. The defense got to various quarterbacks wearing Silver and Black 9 times. Nine Times? Niiiiiinnnne Times. Ridiculous. Dick Vermiel said he had never seen an offense that ‘Inept’. You have to think if that was his offense he’d be bawling like Herm Edwards will be in three weeks. Not to mention, when Error Brooks did throw the ball in a forward motion, the secondary looked prepared and professional and made plays on the ball. There were zero, zero, pass interference calls on the gang. Zero. I can’t believe I can type those words without slamming my fist into the keyboard over and over again. To top it all off, the boys were wiping their cleats off on the field all night long. It took me a while for me to figure out what they were doing. A team bonding moment? Perhaps. But, in the world of talking shit, they were wiping their feet on the doormat that is now the Oakland Raiders. Yes, they are officially to be known as the Doormats from now on. I can’t believe that they have fallen so far. It’s damned fun to watch.

The glaring issue at hand is the quarterback. When allowed to throw, all eleven times, he looked decent. He threw some great passes to McCardell, Parker and Gates. He even got himself a touchdown with not one but two throws on the same drive. That doesn’t sound like a big deal, but, when you watch the team run the ball 2975 times in the third quarter, you begin to wonder what the hell is going to happen when the Doormats aren’t on the surface across from the squad. Maybe the coaches have a plan, I’ll wait and see, and revel in our 27-0 shutout of the newly crowned Doormats.

Oh, and I won another bet, this time a Doormat Faithful will be sporting a Bolt Foam Finger at the home game this season. Fortunately, I will not have to don the Doormat jersey at the same game with the aforementioned 27-0 shutout. It’s just fun to type, 27-0 SHUTOUT. Sorry.

Side note (and more on this later): We had the pleasure of meeting the girl responsible for Foley’s attempted murder. We’ll deal with her later, but it’s “rumored” that he was quite drunk. Still doesn’t add up that the off duty campus patrolman didn’t flash a badge or have available backup, but yeah, that situation is getting sorted out real soon.

Revel in this for a day, for we have a short week…I’ll sign off with my favorite word of the night…

Shutout…

And They're Off!

So, I guess we can all thank Clinton Portis for a pretty shitty opening round of football. I don't know about you, but to me it sure looked like more than a handful of starters could have used a little more work in the preseason. If that isn't the case, then we can safely assume that Baltimore will face the Falcons in the Superbowl, since those teams pretty much murdered teams that were considered to be legitimate contenders. And speaking of murder, you'd think that after all the off season criminal activity in Cincinatti that they would know better than to try to kill a guy on the field like that. I mean, it wasn't exactly the opening scene from The Last Boyscout, but I think it might draw a fine regardless. That play, coupled with the fact that the Broncos were beaten to death by Jeff Wilkins and the Rams defense pretty much makes the AFC West a one horse race. I can live with that.

In lighter news, I've pretty much won in two of my fantasy leagues while I'm being slaughtered by a Raiders fan in my real money league. This is why if you ever see me in the sports book in Vegas, pay close attention to what I'm betting and act accordingly.

Chargers, 27 Raiders, 10. Go Bolts!!!

T-Minus 60 Hours...

First of all I’d like to say, holy hell Christ, those chicks are ridiculous. I’m glad that they are the utmost of Bolts fans. You are wonderful Miller Brewing Company. I love you.

Second, much thanks again to the Maximum Colossus for keeping tabs on little minute details like linebackers with a history of police run ins collecting bullets from Junior College Campus Patrol. Note to Coronado and/or whoever is in charge over there, ummm, attempted murder of starting linebackers by Juco Security Detail at 4 a.m. is not a good way to ingratiate yourself with our fans. For payback, I’m taking my dog to your beautiful beaches after feeding him nothing but Ass Fire Chili, and let him defile your wonderful sand the only way he knows how…

And now for what matters… Division Winners and the standings, with no thought, research or education, straight from the gut instinct. This is neither binding nor accurate, so if I come out with any sort of success, my genius is confirmed…

NFC East
Washington 10-6
Philly 9-7
Dallas 8-8
Pussies Version 2.0 7-9

NFC North
Really, who cares?

NFC South
Carolina 12-4
Tampa 9-7
Breesy Bushies 8-8
Screwed Coaches 6-10

Note: How screwed is Atlanta? Mr. Herpes obviously can’t get the job done, it’s year 6 now, how long do you let this experiment continue? The backup out there is more than competent, but if you pull the HPV that is the starting ringleader, the town will go all riotous on you and you might in fact be killed. I’m sure the staff will sleep well this season…

NFC West
St. Louis 11-5
Arizona 10-6
Seattle 9-7
Fuck Ass Urine Town 3-13

On to the Conference that matters.

AFC East
New England 10-6
Miami 8-8
Buffalo 5-11
Gang Green 4-12

AFC North
Pittsburgh 12-4
Kentucky Penitentiary 11-5
Baltimore 8-8
Doo Doo Brown 5-11

AFC South
Pussies Version 1.0 13-3
Jacksonville 9-7
Longhorn Failures 7-9
Didn’t Trade their Pick 3-13

And Finally…

Our Beloved 11-5
Donkey Molesters 10-6
Kansas City Jets 9-7
Commitment to Suckitude 3-13

I’ll lay out my playoff scenarios and predictions soon. But, lady and gentlemen, football is officially back and I for one am a candidate for extra strength Ritalin right now…

My picks for the weekend coming soon. *not to be used in any way for gambling…

Tastes Great? Less Filling? Who Cares?

How about a blast from the past? I say we all tip back at least one Miller Lite during Monday night's Charger extravaganza, in honor of what quite possibly was the greatest commercial of all time. A High Life will get you by on a technicality.


Go Bolts!!!

Time To Go On The Record

I've been putting this off for as long as I have been able, but with the opening game of the season tonight, it's time to put into interprint my predictions for this NFL season. Not going to be a lot of surprises here. I'm not a big risk taker. But here goes:

NFC East) Let's get this one over with quick.

Eagles 11-5
Cowgirls 9-7
Redskins 9-7
Giants 8-8

NFC North) The boring one.

Chicago 10-6
Minnesota 9-7
Detroit 5-11
Green Bay 3-13

NFC South) The sad one.

Panthers 12-4
Bucs 10-6
Mike Vick 7-9
Saints 4-12

NFC West) The lame one.

Hawks 9-7
Rams9-7
Cardinals 6-10
49ers 3-13

AFC East) The schizophrenic one.

Patriots 10-6
Bills 10-6
Dolphins 8-8
Jets 5-11

AFC North) The injury prone one.

Steelers 10-6
Bengals 10-6
Ravens 6-10
Browns 4-12

AFC South) The Manning one.

Colts 14-2
Jags 9-7
Titans 4-12
Texans 3-13

AFC West) The pipe dream.

Chargers 12-4
Chiefs 11-5
Denver 9-7
Raiders 3-13

NFC Wildcard round)

Vikings over Bears
Seahawks over Bucs

AFC Wildcard round)

Steelers over Bills
Chiefs over Pats

NFC Divisional)

Panthers over Vikings
Eagles over Seahawks

AFC Divisional)

Colts over Chiefs
Chargers over Steelers

NFC Championship)

Panthers over Eagles

AFC Championship)

Chargers over Colts

Superbowl)

Chargers, 27 over Panthers, 20

There you have it. There it is. There were a couple of surprises, but the playoffs never shape up the same year to year. I really wanted to drop Seattle out of the playoffs cause they lost the big one last year, and because I hate them, but who are they going to give the division to? The Rams? The Cards? I don't think so. Also, a lot of you are going to say I'm way too much of a homer for picking the Chargers to win them all. To this I say that I have done a lot of research on the league for the coming season and I came to the conclusion that they're my picks and y'all can suck it. Go Bolts!!!

What The Hell, It's a Big Story.

I really don’t want to spend much more time on this Foley thing. There is so much more to cover and The Commander has already spoken. You know that even if the police say the cop who shot him was high on crack, Foley was clean, and the doctors say that Foley cold suit up tomorrow, A.J. would hit the podium and say something along the lines of, “If I had it all to do over again, even knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t do anything differently. We’ve had problems with Foley in the past, no matter how irrelevant that is. Don’t question my actions or I will make your head explode with my mind. Don’t you know who I am?! Ass holes!” Whoa! Come down, Commander. Anyway, like I said, I don’t want o spend much time on this, but it’s big news, so a few more things that have come out,

A) Foley was not armed at the time. So when he was allegedly reaching for his waistband we can only assume the cop was envisioning a Pootie Tang-like ass whooping. Which is pretty scary, cause that movie was awful.

B) The officer in question was a ONE year veteran of the Coronado PD. This really puzzles me since the Coronado PD seems to spend most of it’s time turning the other cheek for drunk sailors. Seriously, the only person I know to have gotten a DUI in Coronado, out of the hundreds of drunks from Coronado I’ve met in my life, was a cute little bartender from Danny,s. And you know that was a pick up attempt gone horribly wrong.

C) The officer admits that he doesn’t believe he showed Foley his badge when he tried to pull him over. Okay, so are you going to pull over at 3:30 in the morning, in your very expensive vehicle, for some random guy waving a gun at you? Drunk or no?

D) The officer graduated from the Palomar Community College Police Academy. Which is awesome, cause Police Academy was a hilarious movie.

So here’s my take from what we know so far, and this is pure speculation. Foley, probably legally drunk, cut off an off-duty cop. The cop, who should know better, let his emotions get a hold of him and decided teach Foley a lesson. Said lesson went horribly wrong and several people are going to end up sued. One person misses at least a year of work and the other probably needs to start looking for a new vocation. Everybody wins. Go Bolts!!!

Crikey, Indeed. :(

I hate to go with the sad stuff, but what am I to do? Beloved naturalist and wildlife agitator, Steve Irwin, was killed tragically over the weekend during a freak run in with a large stingray. I can’t begin to tell you how many times the mighty Croc Hunter’s shows helped nurse me through a proper Sunday hangover or random bout of insomnia. Irwin will be sorely missed. My thoughts and prayers go out to his family.

Now on to the Bolts. All in all, a pretty slow news weekend as far as the Chargers organization is concerned. There was some Friday night preseason contest against some team or another that we may or may not have won. It doesn’t really matter, since preseason doesn’t really mean anything to anyone. That is especially comforting considering that A.J. Feeley led the Eagles on three scoring drives the other night. Anyway, after Friday night’s game I’m sure the entire Charger team went home and took it easy for the rest of the holiday weekend. In fact, I would be surprised to hear a peep out of one of our guys between now and the Monday night opener in Oakland. Just lay low. Why tempt fate between now and then?

Oh wait, I almost forgot. Steve Foley was shot a bunch of times by an off duty police officer early Sunday morning. Details are sketchy still, and he will live, but he’s going to miss the entire season. I know this because Mr. Compassion himself, A.J. Smith, addressed the press to confirm Foley’s playing status and assure us all that Foley will not be paid this year, because this is a non-football injury. I, myself, might have waited until my guy got out of the hospital and a clearer story was available before I went to the press with that one, but I’ve said it many times, “I am nowhere near the bad-ass that A.J. is.” Go Bolts!!!?

UPDATE!!!: In researching the rate of violent altercations involving NFL players, I came across this amazingly in depth and informative article from the brushback. http://thebrushback.com/nflplayers_full.htm Powerful stuff.

Baywatch Had Sand Too. So, It's Close Enough.

A.J. Feeley was cut by the Chargers, so for the time being long snapper David Binn is our emergency third string quarterback. David Binn used to bone Pamela Anderson. It would make sense, then, to feature the former Mrs. Lee here to ring in your football weekend. Unfortunately, Pam is sort of a washed up skank who married a hillbilly and I really can't condone any of that. Here's Jessica Alba instead. Talk about a piece in the prime of her prime. Enjoy. Go Bolts!!!

Just Another Manic Thursday

This morning I came across this article by Tim Sullivan, regarding the Chargers situation at quarterback. I defy anyone out there to tell me this piece says anything or makes any kind of point whatsoever. No one knows what A.J. Smith plans to do in regards to the possibility of picking up a veteran back-up QB. None of the QBs on our roster have ever started a regular season game in the NFL. The San Diego Chargers are a professional American footballing squad. If you needed any of these things cleared up, Sullivan's article was for you. For the rest of us, not so much.

I was going to expand on my feelings about the release of Feeley and the fog that has descended upon the Field General position of our offense. I was going to rant like a lunatic about how this team has no intention of pursuing a title until A.J. gets his corner office view of the L.A. skyline. I might have said something about asking the Rams what your chances are of competing without a viable option at back-up QB. I'm looking at you Jamie Martin, Chris Chandler, Ryan Fitzpatrick, etc... But I'm not going to. Because it's true we don't know what Smith has in mind. Because we expect Rivers to start every game and start them well. Because, well, today I just don't have much fight in me.

Last night, after returning home from seeing the funny, but not Anchorman funny, Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby, I decided to pop on the old boob tube and see if I could catch some Padres 'lights (high/low? It's been a 50/50 crapshoot for three years). Commercial on ESPN, so I roll over to "the dos" to check the ticker at least. Cue the ESPN special presentation on the 2005 San Diego Chargers. Oh dear. Can I watch this? Can I turn away. Too late. I'm sucked in. I live the roller coaster again. For every glorious pounding touchdown run by The Running Back, there's an absent Antonio Gates against Dallas. For every beaten Manning, a blocked field goal returned for a TD in Philly. They spared us from reliving the ultimate demise against Miami and the following two abysmal performances, preferring instead to and the special on the high note of our Bolts beating the unbeaten in Indy. As I watched these men rack up six wins in a row, culminating with that extraordinary performance, I began to wonder if history would rewrite itself. This team- these juggernauts obviously advanced to glory. They certainly accomplished that greatest of goals, Superbowl XL. Did they not? Sadly, that was still their last win. In fact, what they don't show is that the team, with three games to go, never really competed again. They lost a leader. They lost their way. It was sad to remember. And as I watched this special, I noticed how often Donnie Edwards made critical plays. I saw this supposedly overrated player dominate time and time again and I swear, by the end I remembered every play as clearly as when it happened. I remembered how we all cheered and how happy the fans were to have him. It made me angry.

All in all, though, this ESPN special made me anxious. I can't wait for our guys to take another shot. I miss our old leader and wish him well, but I'm excited to see what the new guy can do. I hope Donnie stays for another go around, but I live in the real world and I wish him the best no matter what, as well. As for the rest of the guys, we're almost there. Give 'em hell! Go Bolts!!!

Update: I'm an idiot. Due to my alcohol ravaged brain and the somewhat nonlinear nature of the ESPN Yearbook special I watched (They never mentioned the Miami game from what I remember), I mistakenly put the Miami game after the Indy game. Oops. The Chargers only won five in a row before the big shitbomb in Florida. The sentiment of my post remains the same, however. Sorry y'all. I'm giving back my paycheck this week.

Back Up, Schmack Up.

What can I say? I still haven't actually seen any footage from Saturday night's game, but three fumbles is three fumbles and there isn't too much you can say about that. I can only sing the praises of Michael Turner and that other back-up guy for so long, because as much as you want to believe that Turner going to get his share of the load in the regular season, I doubt it. Schottenheimer hasn't gotten the reputation he has in this league by going away from what works most of the time, and that's our boy LTD. So, unless Turner does, in fact, return kicks, don't expect him to do much more than clean up or spell for Tomlinson.

I hate to say that I'm actually beginning to worry about Rivers a bit, but as good as the Seahawks appear to be, that is no Bears defense out there. I still think he'll be fine, but you have to wonder about the wisdom of the team letting go of A.J. Feeley today. Feeley is no great talent, but he has played and won in the league, and without him you're looking at Whitehurst as your only back up. Obviously, they have something else in mind, but who? Kerry Collins? Dear Lord. Drew Henson? Vinny Testeverde? I'm scared.

Donnie Edwards may actually practice with the team. What that means, no one knows, but if he does end up playing for us this year, how in the world does he keep his head in the game.

Lekkerkerker is our left tackle right now. Wrap your brain around that one.

Thirteen more days til our openner. Is that unlucky? Awe hell, I don't care. Bring on the season already! Go Bolts!!!

Update: I guess Kerry Collins was signed by the Titans or somebody while I wasn't paying attention, so I'm going to replace that suggestion with Quincy Carter. Unless he's in jail or still serving some sort of suspension. Is he? If so, I'm going to have to go with Billy Joe Tolliver or Erik Kramer.

Update #2: Ooh! Ooh! What's Neil O'Donnell doing these days?

New Pic, Last One Hosed Out. Still Hot.

I used to date a girl that looked nothing like Jessica Biel and hated the Chargers. If that pattern holds true, it stands to reason that Jessica Biel loves the Chargers. And if not, she's certainly welcome to. And to date me as well. Go Bolts!!!

The Frog Roll

So yes, Philip did throw a pick on Friday against the Bears. He got a look at what a good NFL defense looks like playing at full speed, and what a good (former UNM Lobo, Woof!) linebacker looks like sneaking up fast on a pass. I hope this will help him in the long run. He is going to throw some picks this season, but he shook that one off pretty well, and as he learns to adjust and read the defenses, hopefully we will see his talent rise to the top. And speaking of talent, yes, I believe he has some. Maybe a lot. And he has size. And quickness. And a feel for the game. Example:



When I saw that play from Friday's game on 3rd and long, where he broke a tackle, scrambled outside the box, and laid in a 1st down strike to Floyd, I was impressed! That was talent, and he showed his size, Speed, toughness, arm strength, etc. I think he has the tools, and if he can weather the inevitable missteps here and there, is in a GOOD position. Ok enough "up with Rivers" talk for now, but I'm hoping that was a glimpse of some amazing plays this season. And to bring him back down a little, what the heck was that little somersault that he did at the end of the play??? (about 20 secs into that video clip above) I didn't hear the announcers comment on it. Looked funny- Little sideways roll. Is that his complete pass on 3rd and long celebration dance? If so, LT with his "Teapot" and Merriman with the "Lightswitch" can feel a little better... cause "The Frogroll" would make theirs look like they were choreographed by Usher.

Ok all for now... any word on the ticket status for Saturday yet? I'm assuming blackout until further notice... those punters! But here's hoping.

It's A Family Affair.

I don't know why I find the following piece interesting. Maybe you can figure it out.

"There apparently has been a Priest Holmes sighting, at least by the San Antonio police. According to San Antonio television station WOAI, Holmes arrived on the scene of a fight between the mother of Holmes' two children and a woman who claims to be the mother of another child of Holmes. --Kansas City Star"

Here's the whole article, if you care to check it out.

I'm not going to go any lower than that. Go Bolts!!!

Hah! They Had Both Of Their Vaunted Running Backs In The Game.

After a weekend of “Too bad you guys got rid of Brees” e-mails, I was rather relieved to see Ole Drew shut everybody up against the Cowboys last night. Not that he was God awful or anything, but he certainly didn’t do much to keep the haters flaming. At least not flaming in the e-sense of the word. Of course, the New Orleans game plan was actually very similar to what Marty put out there the other night, with remarkably similar results. Don’t let the QB throw very far, etcetera and so forth. With Brees you’d be concerned that maybe his arm isn’t quite as 100% as they’d have you believe. With Rivers, I’m concerned that they were afraid to let that O-line guard him for more than a nanosecond or some overzealous Bears’ defenders may try to take random QB limbs as souvenirs. The fact is, though, who knows what the Chargers offense is going to look like under Rivers until Our Boy Spectacular is on the field. And it doesn’t look like we’re going to see that until it counts in Oakland.

I worry a bit more about that damn secondary again. The Bears have a good defense, so their play on that side of the ball is to be expected. Their offense on the other hand, despite some off-season improvements, should leave more to be desired. Sadly, they really picked on our DBs Friday night. Especially Griese, and while I could care less what the Bears do, I’ve been saying that’s the guy they should be going with. Grossman is still developing and that team needs to take a shot while that defense is still stellar. God, did I really just have that much to say about Da Bears?

All in all, Friday’s game was a pretty sad performance, with a mere handful of bright spots. Michael Turner continues to be brilliant, and that guy Perkins had a couple of nifty little runs as well. There was a field goal. Probably kicked by Kaeding. So that’s good. If you’re into that sort of thing.

So, we beat up on a bad team in the first game against Green Bay. We got beat up by a good team in the second game. The truth probably lies somewhere in the middle. Until, of course, we plug in that one Running Back guy that’s pretty good. Then I think we’ll be pretty all right. Pretty damn all right, indeed. Go Bolts!!!

Why Yes, Thank You, I Am Ready...

Ready indeed... for some... Well, you can read the title of the previous post if it weren't obvious by now! Yes, I think the energy is everywhere. You can feel it- people are ready. Heck, I even like the song. I know it may not be popular around here, but I like the Hank Williams one, and I even like the Mr. Faith Hill highlight piece. Maybe it's just because I'm so exited for the season. Maybe I just like montages of recent games set to country music, with an overlay of computer enhanced audio of the hits. Maybe I just like country music. I think I should quit before I dig deeper. Anyway, the point is, sports viewing is about to get a WHOLE lot better again.

[Side note about good sports viewing: Don't forget about the U.S. Open -- yes, that is probably the first time Tennis has been mentioned in this blog, and I'm proud to be the one to bring it! Don't pile on me, Tennis rules. If you're afraid to admit it, maybe you have your own issues to deal with, pansy -- starting at the end of this month. Andre Agassi's farewell tourney, going out in style at in Flushing Meadows. Watch it! It will be good.]

Ok, sorry, back to football... The first efforts of our talented team preparing for their campaign have been well covered here. I'm very fired up at the thought that the next effort may be watched together by the authors here! At a hopefully really kick ass party! Yeah! Ok, actually seeing the game on TV (I think there will be 5 or 6 available) will rely on that dreaded blackout situation again (we know how I feel about that), but hey if it does sell out... I think that getting together with lots of friends on a weekend and watching football together and toasting good plays will kick this fever up another notch. Cheers, and GO CHARGERS!

Footballfootballfootballfootballfootballfootballfootballfootballfootballfootball....

Well, well, well. It seems that we may be happening on what is affectionately known as football season. Not to get too hyped up for the upcoming mother fu…football season, but well, it’s time to be happy about it. I’d like to send out a big time thanks to the irreplaceable Max Colossus for making this place neat and tidy in my absence, and for bashing Tim Sullivan so the rest of us can focus our attention on Nick Canepa. Don’t worry Nick, I don’t have any complaints tonight, you’re safe for another week.

Friday night, begot football. My first fix of the upcoming year, as my offseason has been obscenely marred by wedding festivities in the USC area with alumni galore, complete with marching band. Tommy Trojan and that freakin’ horse were last seen vomiting in the corner of the west wing of the estate after I slipped mickeys into their tequila. I managed to suppress my inevitable disdain, and even restrain myself from making any unnecessary jabs at the cultural abnormality that is USC.

I opted to skip the Green Bay shenanigans for local music night for a couple of reasons. First and foremost the previously mentioned ownership debacle of blacking out preseason games, and second, the outrageousness of a full priced ticket for half price entertainment, but with the boys out in Chicago to battle the newest version of the Monsters of the Midway, the televisions were dialed in, and I wanted to get my first look at #17.

Comfortably settled into a familiar chair, I was able to witness in full high def detail my first view of #17 completing a pass. It was well thrown, right on the money, problem was he hit one Paris Urlacher in the numbers and the score was quickly not in our favor. My first view of 17 did not start out as initially planned. After jamming a fork into the neck of the first person that felt obligated to make a Mr. Brees reference as Paris skipped into the end zone, I relaxed and settled in for Bolts light. It was football, but it was restrained football as Martyball was in full effect, with the offense being LTD free and very luke warm. No doubt that things will be different with the touchdown maker in uniform. Worries be gone…

Monday brought my first experience with the Reggie Bush experiment that is New Orleans. The One Armed Bandit, handed the ball off well in his first series hushing all naysayers that his surgically repaired limb is fine and dandy. His second series brought a couple of passes, one of which was intended for a Cowgirl defender and if it weren’t for a case of masonry fingers, he would have been doing his Urlacher impression all the way to the locker room. Drew did complete some passes, short, careful routes and didn’t show anyone whether or not he can throw it down the field, but hey, it’s preseason and who knows what will happen from here on out. Perhaps he’s fine and we made a tremendous mistake by releasing our rights to him as our squadleader, or perhaps not. We won’t know for some time, and I for one will not be hitting the panic button during the preseason. Who knows how he will survive against the likes of Atlanta, Tampa and Carolina’s defenses twice this year. I hope New Orleans took some lessons from the events of 2005 and got themselves some insurance…

So we swing into Week three of cocktease football, and we’re back online over here. Max Colossus has done a remarkable job of entertaining us in the interim and we’ve added a couple of new elements over here. New voices are in the mix and we’re set for Football 2006. It makes me think of that God awful Hank Williams song that plays relentlessly on Monday nights, and it brings a little emotion along with it. It’s football time. It’s really almost here and damned skippy I’m ready for some…

These San Diego Writers Are Killing Me...Again.

Sure seems like like San Diego Union Tribune sportswriter Tim Sullivan is getting a kick out of stirring the pot lately. First there was the article that hazily accused players in the Padres clubhouse of believing that management was being set up by upper management. His exact statement was as follows:

"Some of them have pondered the possibility that General Manager Kevin Towers and field manager Bruce Bochy are being set up to fail in order to justify an offseason housecleaning."

Now, in a situation where you team has gone from Shinola to shit in record time, you can expect some of the players to be less than happy with the direction of the club, and Sullivan has some anonymous quotes to prove that this is indeed happening. The preceeding statement, however, backed not by a single quote, seems awfully shady to me. I can imagine Sullivan the Instigator secretly interviewing anonymous player:

TS: Do you think that Sandy Aldersen didn't do anything to make the team better at the trade deadline because he wants an excuse to run Towers and Bocky out of town after the season?

AP: No, I think John Moore's is a cheap bastard.

TS: So you don't think my scenario is possible?

AP: Well, anything's possible.

See, that player totally pondered that possibility.

Now Sullivan has charged us with the following question. Did Junior Seau know when he gave his empassioned farewell speech, that he was not actually retiring at all? Was he already, in fact, negotiating with Bill Belichek to become a Patriot? Did he dupe the trusting fans of San Diego?

There's no actual reason to believe that is the case, but who cares? It's controversial! Let's call into question the honor of one of this city's greatest athletes. A man who stood as a leader in the community as well as on the field during his tenure here. To call Seau's integrity into question is classless. But should I expect more? Should any of us expect more from the paid writers in this town?

The truth is, even if this turned out to be true(I don't believe it myself) , so what? If he was in negotiation, there was no way he knew it was a sure thing. And if Seau wants to sign on as a hired gun for five more years to try and get his ring, more power to him. He deserves that shot, just as all great players do. Should he suffer for the mistakes of Bobby Beathard and the NFL in general that kept him from achieving the ultimate prize? He chose loyalty over glory for all those years and I say he has the right to chase the latter now. Go Junior. We're still gonna steamroll ya in the playoffs, though. Sorry. Go Bolts!!!

P.S. Don't quote Cheap Trick, Sullivan. They're much to cool for you.

Time To Drop Some Friday Knowledge!

Who knew the chick from Buffy the Vampire Slayer* spent a year as a Charger cheerleader? I did! I did! And now you know. And knowing is half the battle**.

We are so winning the Superbowl this year. Go Bolts!!!

*I totally just nerded out for your entertainment.

**I totally just did it again. Happy Friday!

I gotta Admit, I Didn't See That Coming.

Just heard on the local squawk box that it seems Junior Seau has had a hard time dealing with retirement and is on his way to New England to sign with the Patriots. Okay. Hey Junior, can I have some of your crack? I really bought the whole retirement thing after your Southern Baptist Minister farewell speech. I was truly moved. Well...um...Welcome back.

All kidding aside, I like Junior. Even met him once for a sec, and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy. I'll never forget what he meant to this team, especially our one and only Superbowl team, so good luck Junior. See ya in the playoffs. Sorry we'll have to steamroll ya. Go Bolts!!!

Update! Here's a link.

Anything But The Lung!

So, it turns out that preseason bright spot Vincent Jackson has a scratched lung and will likely miss most, if not all, of the rest of preseason. I know you're all thinking, "Great, he's not going to miss any real time at all. Good thing there are four preseason games(I'm lookin' at you, Bro Sweets)!" Well, I'm thinking pretty much the same thing. But deep in the back of my twisted brain lurks another, more sinister thought. Tim Dwight. Now, I don't remember dates and times, and I'm far too lazy at this time of day to look them up, but I do know this. Years back, as a Charger, Tim Dwight suffered a collapsed lung from a vicious hit he took over the middle. He spent some time in the hospital and eventually returned to the team. The thing is, Tim Dwight never really seemed the same to me. The agression and fearlessness that were the Tim Dwight hallmarks always seemed dialed down a notch or two from that point on. His crazy up-the-middle kickoff returns suddenly seemed hesitant and he never really sold out in the middle of the field again. I know that there is a huge difference between a collapsed lung and a scratched one, but- Wait! No I don't. How the hell do you scratch your lung anyway? I mean, cornea? Sure, I've heard of that. Uvula? Unlikely, but at least it's not totally contained deep within your body. Scratched lung sounds like a porn star affliction or a prison yard euphemism. Let's just hope that when the big guy gets back on the field, we've heard the last of this injury. And Vinny, watch out for that pancreas!

In other injury news, most of you know by now that Darren Sproles, or Mighty Mite as I like to call him, was placed on the injured reserve list yesterday. While I think this is something that the team can over come, I know I'll miss watching him zip around the field like a Lightning bug. Also, I hate to expose Michael Turner, Back-up Extraordinaire, to kick off returns.

Lastly, it looks as though Donnie is about ready to come back to practice after a couple weeks of back problems. There has been a fair amount of speculation that Donnie has been playing up his injury and not practicing due to his disdain towards A.J. Smith. Well, I certainly hope so. Go Bolts!!!

I've Still Got Tour de France Fever!

Sorry to take so long to get something in. Being the raging sportsaholic that I am, I decided to cycle my ass up to the burrito place on Sunday. During my impromptu training run I was nearly mowed down by an anonymous person in a pick-up truck (Most likely French, I presume). My only recourse was to slam on the brakes and perform a sweet Endo into Wrist plant. Snap! No really, snap. Spent the rest of the day on ice and yesterday on pain killers, so this is my first chance to post on what I saw Saturday at Jack Q. Murphy Stadium.

I'm sure you all know by now, that my boys looked awfully impressive against an admittedly oft-dominated Green Bay Packers team. The "Magnificent Seven" (Not too sure I care for that moniker) seemed to live up to the hype, providing plenty of pressure right out of the gate. Dare I predict an even more ludicrous sack total than last year? Oh, what the hell, I dare indeed.

Cromartie had a sweet, sweet takeaway late in the game, which is heartening to say the least. What?! Okay, so by that time I'm not even sure I was still in the stadium, but I read about it, and it sounded pretty outstanding. Nobody pays me to write this stuff, people. Cut me some slack.

I liked seeing a whole lot of Philip Rivers. He did not disappoint. I was a big fan of going right back to Big Vinny Jackson and getting it right the second time around. Six points, and a possible sign of a fun tandem to watch in the coming years, perhaps? Whose to say? Me, that's who. They will break all Quarterback to Wide Receiver records in existence. Pumped yet?

Let's talk more about Rivers. Good poise and a great stat line. The O-line had some shaky moments, but mistakes were pretty much non-existent for our new handler. I hear Jay Posner wrote a column where he pulled out the old, "Ryan Leaf was good in preseason too." Well, Jay, I'm pretty much over trying to explain all the differences between Ryan Leaf and Philip Rivers at this point in their respective careers, so I'll leave you with this: You are a Nazi.

This friday we've got Chicago, and this one's on TV, so I get to watch from the comfort of my favorite barstool. Don't get me wrong, I love making my way out to the JQM for some live Charger action, but seeing that it's preseason and all, I'd just as soon go ahead and save a couple hundred bucks. Go Bolts!!!

You're Damn Right I Can Hold A Grudge

First off, I want to thank Deadspin for the attention. It's always flattering when people notice the hard work we're doing over here. You know, using someone else's photoshop as content for our site. Hey, it ain't going to go and post itself and come up with a half-assed snappy headline to boot.

The sentiment is there, though. We here in San Diego can hold a grudge. Not so much that we'll sell out a Sunday night game against ShEli and the Giants, but a grudge just the same. About anything, really. Hell, I may even be petty enough to boycott a bar that kicked me out for making fun of cripple, so don't be surprised to find me pissing on ShEli's grave if I live that long. And not just him, the whole damn family. Anybody catch The Living Choke light it up for a series last night in a meaningless preseason game versus the hapless Rams defense? I especially like the part where Peyton (which is a girl's name, I'd like to point out) kept on throwing the ball inside the ten yard line until he got his touchdown. Wouldn't want to see how the new running game works in the red zone, would we? It's not like I'm surprised. Anybody else think that Ole Edgerrin is looking forward to actually getting a shot at the TD record with a quarterback who doesn't worry so much about padding his stats in the red zone. But I say keep it up Ms. Manning, cause I never get tired of watching those end zone turnovers in the big games.

And what is the deal with Archie Manning? How did we all come to the universally accepted notion that Archie was a great QB on a bad team? The stats don't back it up. I've never seen any astounding game film of Saints receivers dropping perfect pass after perfect pass, or Saints defenders pick up fumbles and running them the wrong way down the field into their own end zone. I did find an old clip where they had a monkey riding a unicycle as a safety, but I'm pretty sure that was faked.

So, suck it, Mannings. You can sit up there in your mansions with your fancy schmancy wine and foie gras, whatever that is, but know in your hearts that Maximum Colossus is displeased with you exploits. Go Bolts!!!

You can't watch your own scrubbies

This football team wants to play here, they want to be good, and they want the fans to see them. Also, the fans WANT to see them, they want them to play here, and the want them to be good (duh).

There is a ton of money to be made by linking up those two sides, so why is that so hard???

In the next installment of blunderings by some strange force that wants to deter the countless people from Tijuana to LA who want to watch a Chargers team play well that wants to play well in San Diego... the first pre-season game is... blacked out? Blacking out a preseason game, you say? Huh? Is that normal? Well, hm, what do other markets who black out their games do during preseason? Oh that's right, other market's don't black out their games! They don't throw a wet blanket over brewing fan excitement and support, not to mention gobs of TV advertising dollars. Blacking out games in the home market is such an inane concept, and blacking out a preseaon game just looks ridiculous.

Did I want to watch Philip not underthrow passes? Yep. Did I want to watch Cromartie pick off Mr. Favre? You bet. Did I want to watch LT stiff arm some fools? (ok- no, not that last one. We know you're a badass, 21, you relax and wait til the 11th). But it's preseason, so I'll just have a few more beers and wait til the 10:30 replay... punters! I hope for the sake of this blog, that I don't have to respond to any regular season F*%ing blackouts.

Go CHARGERS!

Everybody Knows.

Killing Me.

This is going to be a short one because I'm sick of talking about and if you don't know how I feel by now, you are obviously not paying attention. I came by this little nugget in Jeffri Chadiha's Chargers' training camp postcard:

Donnie Edwards isn't shy about discussing his bitterness towards Chargers general manager A.J. Smith. After failing to get the Chargers to give him a contract extension this offseason, the linebacker has been searching for a trade over the last few months. He says his agent, Tom Condon, has found some willing suitors but Smith's high asking price -- a second-round pick, according to Edwards -- is killing interest. "I would've liked for things to be different here but they aren't," says Edwards, an 11-year veteran who has led San Diego in tackles in each of the last four years. "We had permission to seek a trade, we found some offers and now I'm ready to put this to rest. It's time for a change. [Smith] has made this a very difficult environment to work in and I'm ready to just go some place where I'm appreciated."

Do you get the feeling that A.J. Smith does this sort of garbage to prove a point? "Hey Donnie, if you're so great, why can't I get a second round pick for you? Now shut up and go do your job." What a complete a-hole. Not that I want him to go, but I hope Donnie ultimately winds up in a place where he can be happy. I hope it's outside of the west, though, because I get the feeling if he's ever given the chance he's going to make A.J. eat this crap. Go Bolts!!!

Random Reporter May Be Right.

So, in case you haven’t figured it out, CJ and I didn’t quite make it to training camp over the weekend. We called each others bluffs, got thoroughly hammered Friday night and an early morning rainy day Charger workout just wasn’t in the cards. Be that as it may, don’t be worried that we haven’t had our ears to the ground on this stuff. I, myself have gone so far as to gather up all the hearsay and speculation I can handle.

Let’s start with Roman Oben. His health has been a big concern this off-season. As he goes, so seems to go our O-line production. Well, too bad. His foot is hurt. How’s that for in depth coverage? His foot is hurt and they don’t know for sure how long it will hurt. The kind of in depth coverage you’ve come to expect from this web log. The team has been pumping up Oben’s back-up last year, Leander Jordan, but that’s to be expected. The good news is that second round pick Marcus McNeil has apparently been quite impressive. Of course, his back has been hurt in the past. It doesn’t seem to hurt now, but it could hurt later. It’s science, people. More on all that crap as it develops.

How about that Rashaun Woods pick up we made a month or so back? You remember, when we swapped disappointing former first rounder Sammy Davis, for San Fran’s disappointing first rounder, Woods? Well, I don’t know how 'likely future pro bowler' Davis is doing over there in Frisco, but Woods is gone. That’s right, gone. Within four days of the start of training camp, it seems Woods was unable to set himself apart from the likes of Malcolm Floyd and Greg Camarillo. If you don’t know who those guys are just pop your head in to the closet of any true Charger fan and perhaps the sight of an authentic No.4 or No.13 jersey will refresh your memory.

Coming on the heels of the clear-cutting of the Woods (BAM!) story is convenient news that Vincent Jackson, third round last year if I’m not mistaken, is a total stud at receiver. Don’t believe me? Well, check it out, Schottenheimer had this to say: “He’s a very gifted player.” In your face, TO!

And for the news I know you’ve been waiting for…What’s the deal with Phillip Rivers? The answer…No idea. I haven’t heard squat. But I did send this little tidbit to myself just now.

Random reporter from made up news rag says:

“Watching Phillip Rivers take control of the offense brings to mind names like Montana, Elway, Unitas and Graham. Unflappable as Favre and with a release that rivals Marino, the Chargers appear to be in the most capable of hands. Their run at Super Bowl glory has not stalled with this driver behind the wheel. In fact, if anything, more horses have been thrown under the hood of this Lightning fast Bolt machine.”

Wow, random reporter! Relax. I’m sure young Phillip appreciates the praise, but a man of such great humility as Mr. Rivers craves not haughty accolades as these, no matter how well deserved. Go Bolts!!!

Let's Get This Mother Started.

I wasn't quite ready to begin this stuff again just yet. I mean, we're about to enter the teaser portion of the season and the days just seem to get longer and the wait begins to make my head hurt. Then Canepa goes and writes another Donnie Edwards article. Go ahead, check it out here. But if you're busy, let me hook you up with the jist of this jism.

First off, I have to give some rare credit to Canepa for refusing the urge to jam his head far up A.J.s hiney, and instead question the lack of resolution in the Donnie Edwards situation. He doesn't exactly drop the hammer on the old bastard, but he does slyly include such ridiculous banter from Smith as:

“Just shut up and don't work the back door with your media friends.” (Note: Canepa, who I believe is in the media, receives so many Smith quotes regarding contract issues with players, the mere thought of this statement escaping from his giant head makes my relatively tiny head spin all over the place)

“He's not going to be cut, obviously,” Smith says. “He's on the market. What's happening, I have no idea. It only goes down when I say it goes down. I'm driving the boat here.
“Teams have shown little or no interest at this time. On Oct. 17, it all stops, and he's a member of the Chargers. He's on our football team. I like Donnie, and I like his contract. Donnie has a problem with his contract and has had a problem with his contract for three consecutive years. I'm tired of this. We're trying to accommodate him.”

"I'm driving the boat here."?! You've got to be kidding me Smitty! What kind of a hard ass do you imagine yourself to be. I wish Donnie would corner you in an alley. Hell, even Schotty. I don't hang with a lot of big time corporate CEO types or anything, but I hate to imagine they all run around with the hubris of a seventh grade bully letting their overinflated bank accounts superinflate their gargantuan egos. Ask around, this town likes Donnie Edwards. We want him here. And when Bif Tannen over there takes a shot at Donnie, it's a shot at us. You've made some good moves, but we remember some of the mistakes too.

And how exactly has this Jack Ass tried to accomodate Edwards over the last three years? By telling him to:

“Just shut up and play; that's your job,”

This kind of thing does not create a happy clubhouse. I already blame you, Mr. Smith for the team's slow start last year that snowballed into a catastrophe. If you make it happen again this year, I might consider driving up to L.A., when you get your new office there, and showing you how I really feel. I'm sure I can catch a ride with somebody. Congratulations on finally getting your first round pick into camp on time, though. I'll give you credit for that, you douche. Go Bolts!!!

Don't Knock The Governator.

I've pretty much resigned myself to the fact that my beloved Chargers are going to end up in Los Angeles. I'm not prepared per se, but I believe I know what the future holds for the team. What that means regarding my fandom is still up in the air.

Some of you out there will say, "Wait! Maximum Colossus, the battle is not over. What about Chula Vista? Oceanside?" Oh, would't that be nice? And while it isn't inconceivable, I find it hard to swallow. The fact is, the money is just too good for everybody involved in the business end of having a team in L.A., and the NFL these days is, first and foremost, a business. The owners have been uncharacteristically forthright in admitting that more expansion is unlikely. They don't want to add another hungry mouth to feed to the teat of television revenue. It's only billions of dollars people; not nearly enough to go around.

"So, why does that team have to be the Chargers, Colossus?" Well, technically it doesn't. But let's face it, the Spanos family has not done much to garner public faith. They crippled us with the ticket guarantee that was supposed to keep the team here until 2020, knowing full well we couldn't ultimately live up to our end of the bargain. More importantly, though, they haven't furnished us with a true winner in over a decade. Sure, 12 - 4 and one and done in the play-offs is a rare treat for San Diego, but it's hardly enough to whet the appetites of those who would vote to dig into the pocket of the collective and build a new home for the Bolts. This team wants to go to L.A. The owners have put together a core of solid players that can easily contend in the league with the addition of just a couple of more key pieces. Rest assured, when it's time to attract a new home crowd, those pieces will be put in place. Even the fickle fans of LaLa Land love a winner, and they'll fill the seats for the L.A. Chargers. They'll even justify it in their own feeble minds by telling themselves it's okay because the Chargers were an L.A. team for a whole year at their initial conception. They'll enjoy the fruits of our fandom just like they did with Oakland back in the day. The difference is, Oakland got their team back. San Diego will never know professional football again. The NFL will make an example of this town. They will say that we are not like Cleveland or Houston. Our team did not sneak out of town in the middle of the night. The owner "tried" to negotiate a future here in "good faith." But alas, stubborn San Diego was unwilling to give an inch to a franchise that has done its best to bend this town over at every turn.

I can here you now. "What of the rumors, MC? I heard DeBartolo and Policy are trying to pry the Raiders away from the cold, dying hands of the world's most unapologetic a-hole? They want to bring the team back to L.A. Surely that will shut the door on a Charger move?" Now, imagine me patting you on the head like good little boys and girls and telling you not to get too excited or you might get a belly ache. Let's say, for fun, that this unlikely scenario comes to pass. The inglorious bastards return to the Coliseum. Oh the fanfare! Oh the gunfire! Hurray, let's loot the city with joy! Well, so what. A couple of weeks ago, our Governor, Arnold Shortsa- Shwarzu- Kindergarten Cop, said that he could foresee a Los Angeles with two NFL franchises! You know, like in the glory days of L.A. football. At the time, everybody kind of shrugged it off as some guy from Austria, who doesn't know much about such things, just shooting his mouth off to gather more support in California's largest metropolis. Even Tagliabue, our not-soon-enough-for-me-ex NFL commisioner more or less laughed at the notion. But what's so funny? There have been two sites trying to put together a package for the NFL for years now. Is it so far fetched that we could see, in our time, the Los Angeles Raiders and the Los Angeles Chargers of Anaheim. Do you think Spanos would mind being the red-headed stepchild in that media market? Not if he were the richer-than-he-is-now red-headed stepchild, that's for sure.

Most intriguingly though, is that while he was laughing off the idea of two teams in L.A. just a short time ago, Tags recently posited the idea of two teams sharing a stadium in L.A., just like the Giants and the Jets. Yes! The Chargers and the Raiders in the same stadium! That is gold! Dogs and cats living together! Total pandemonium! Maybe after Tagliabue retires as commisioner he can fly over to the Middle East and sort that whole thing out. Come on, people! There's plenty of Holy Land for everyone!

The bottom line is, the Chargers are going to go to L.A. Unless they can dupe some city within the county of San Diego to give up the farm on a completely lopsided deal that benefits the team to the point where it can continue it's dog meets tick relationship with its home and its fans, then the team is gone. Mark it. I hope I'm wrong. But I'm not.

Los Madres...

Since the blackout period has not been observed this year and nothing is up for discussion short of Drew’s golf game and the fact that he is throwing passes now, albeit to no one in particular, we can focus on something important and that is the debacle that was last night’s baseball game.

Jake Peavy pitched a gem. A 7 inning 16 strikeout beauty of a gem. A gem that would make chicks throw their engagement rings into the toilet and immediately request an upgrade. Had you been watching the performance and listening to the ever popular announcing team, short one drunk Sutcliffe this night, you’d have thought that the Madres were winning by about 348 runs. Truth be told, we weren’t.

In fact, despite the 16 K’s, Jake got a loss. Why? Well, in the inning numbering 2, he gave up a two run bomb to a guy that had a tremendous home run total of 2 entering last night. He made a mistake, gave up some yardwork, and lost. Didn’t really matter after that point if he struck out everyone in the stands that night. He lost. It was his fault. I wish people would quit trying to pretend that it wasn’t his fault. Sorry you made one bad pitch and it cost you Jake. I like you. Everyone coming to your defense saying it wasn’t your fault must be nice, but I bet you were pretty pissed last night with your overall performance despite the inflated strikeout total. We were facing John Smoltz by the way, who we don’t ever hit. Ever. So, even though Jake only gave up the two runs on the one mistake, it wasn’t enough. He could have struck out the next 22 guys, still wouldn’t have and didn’t matter. When does the football game start?

Oh yeah. September…

Draft Day Donuts...

In just a few words due to my inability to be articulate about what I am seeing on television at this moment, enjoy some bullet points:

-Houston has renewed my faith that I could be a professional General Manager. Success at that position is not a requirement to hold the job.

-The New Orleans Saints have just become the 2004 Chargers, IF, (and the caps lock button isn’t putting the emphasis on the IF that I would like) IF, IF, IF IF, Drew Brees comes back from injury.

-Tennessee just got the cheap version of Michael Vick. Congratulations.

-Ahhhhhh, the Jets. Always going to be the Jets. J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets!!!! Happy times….

Big Fat Charger Draft Preview.

In short, who do I want? Santonio Holmes. I want a star receiver, damn it! I want a flashy guy, and I think I deserve it. I've been so good this year. 4 months and nary a restraining order to be seen.

Who do I think the coaches want? Winston Justice. But I don't see A.J. as the trading up kind of guy.

Who does A.J. want? Well, if indeed the transformation to Bobby Beathard levels of genius is truly under way, this could be the year he trades way back and drafts the entire Mesa College senior class. Honestly, though, A.J. has drafted pretty well to this point, so I can't be too hard on him there. I could see him taking a LB at 19. Maybe Ernie Simms, if by some crazy miracle he falls that far. He won't. Vince Young? Ha Ha.

Who do I think we'll actually get? Jimmy Williams.

How do I feel about that? Not so hot. In the last 4 years we've drafted a DB twice with our 1st rounder, and they haven't exactly burst onto the scene in a blazing fury. Hell, one of them is gone, traded for an excuse not to take a receiver #1.

Oh well, whatever happens, I'm excited, because it's the draft, and the NFL makes it so pretty that it's almost like watching actual football. Mostly just cause I'm drunk by noon, though, really. Go Bolts!!! Draft your asses off!

Open Letter #2...

Mr. A.J. Smith,

I am going to make this quick. I tried to make this point in a very round about way in my last post. But it didn’t work, so here goes attempt #2 at explaining this without sounding hypocritical.

If Donnie Edwards leaves town, it will be the third time (Brees doesn’t count he was hurt) that we let one of the beloved members of the team depart because management didn’t want to pay or show any loyalty to them. Sometimes I have supported this and sometimes I haven’t. But I have been wrong as well. But the bottom line is this:

Sometimes you have to keep the guys the fans like even if it might cost you a bit of money. The fan base wants to win, but we also want to win with the guys we like. That is very important. A TEAM. We want to follow A TEAM. Not a bunch of strangers that are cheaper than the other guys we like that get ARRESTED!!!

Sometimes it’s good to listen to the fans. It’s up to you start believing that.

Maybe someone ought to remind you how you got your job.

With all sincerity,

CJ

Look Out! Here Comes The Man Again!

This is getting out of hand! When will the SDPD give up their obvious grudge against the San Diego Charger Linebacking corp. These guys are out, minding their own business, and trying to enjoy some well-deserved downtime in the offseason. Then, from out of the blue, San Diego's finest comes along and makes a big deal out of some minor parking violation, some expired out-of-state registration (Really, shouldn't that be the Arkansas PD's responsibility?), the stench of booze, and the alledged attempt to flee the scene. Ridiculous. Let's face it, it's a different linebacker every time, so the common denominator is apparent. It's hard to field a winning team when the city is working so hard to incarcerate all your players. Still, three cops? You've gotta admire the heart. Get on with your bad self, Steve Foley!

P.S. Nice picture, UT, but couldn't you find one where he's brandishing some sort of weapon. Freakin' media vampires!

An Open Letter...

Dear Mr. Canepa, Mr. Smith, Mr. Spanos and our Fan Base,

Well, not much can be said on top of what has already been said here today about the state of our football team. Will we be good? My thought is yes. Will we make the playoffs? Maybe. Will we go all the way to the Super Session and get the first prized brass ring that we seek so desperately in this town? Uhhh, no. No we won’t. As we have seen in the past, it’s time to jettison the guys that have gotten us here and replace them with cheaper, less talented talent so that we remain competitive enough to sell out the seats and lift your television blackout weekly. Just enough that the NFL recognizes that this would be a good fit for the L.A. market and allow that town to chase another franchise from their ranks.

This Donnie E. thing has me up in arms. Believe me, Donnie is one of the most underrated backers of the line that has played in this town. He is by all measures a superstar. He has been and he will continue to be, of that I have no doubt. Needless to say that guy gave his all for this squad and is a staple now to this team. Do we have guys that can fill his shoes when he is gone? Perhaps, as we do have a lot of very talented guys playing those positions right now. Is this the right move? Yes, and no. Donnie wants what is amounting to back pay, he has been the best around this town for years now. Is he getting old? Yes, it’s what people and professional athletes do. I have yet to meet anyone save Gary Coleman who have been able to retard the aging process. But, to just be able to cut ties and move on as we have done two times already is just a bit much for me to handle. I’d be surprised if by gametime (read: September) if he was still out there guarding the middle of the field leading the defense. Donnie, if you have suited up for your last game here in San Diego, you will be missed. Come kickoff in month number nine, I will be looking for you out there on the field. I hope that you will be in Oakland wreaking havoc on those mother fu… jerks out there, dominating as you have.

I won’t go as far as you Mr. Canepa and verbally stimulate Mr. Smith. But I can almost see your angle, Mr. GM. But that is the main problem. You always has an angle, and I think that it is perfectly clear thanks to MC here that the angle is Los Angeles. And I think it blows rhinoceros testes that it is so transparent yet again. It’s about time to start thinking about becoming faithful to another squad as the inevitable move develops with more and more pieces falling into place for the moving trucks to be backing into the Murph in ’08.

So, Mr. Canepa, call a spade a spade when you see one. I am eager to read one more of your columns and only one more. The one that contains your explanation for being a Smith apologist when the opening day kickoff happens for the Los Angeles “Whatevers”. I want to see how you cover your tracks when the team is gone and you have spent your time defending all the personnel decisions that are in the team’s best interest. I am sure though this won’t be remembered when you collect your check and continue writing about the stability of our team. No, our GM isn’t an idiot, he is a calculating, manipulating bastard that is looking to break this town’s will yet again. You call him John Wayne? I call him a prick who doesn’t give a shit about the fan base here whatsoever. Not that it apparently matters to you, him or the Spanos Klan. Line your pockets boys, you have the town sportswriter in your pocket, feel free to have your way with the town. You all can bite me collectively.

Sincerely,

CJ

Here We Go Again.

I have a theory as to why Nick Canepa performs this sort of literary fellatio on A. J. Smith. Let's call it the Almost Famous or Cameron Crowe effect. Smith talks to Canepa. He tells him things that make him feel special. He defends himself with Achilles-like charisma and Canepa eats it up by the spoonful like so much Trojan widow.

The problem is, anyone with half a mind knows that A. J. Smith isn't an idiot. While I'll admit I don't see the wisdom in letting a player like Edwards leave at this crucial point, I do see the point. I see the forest, the trees, hell I can even see the little Smurf houses tucked away within. The best part is, A. J. himself gives away his master plan again and again. He's building a team for the future. The future, people.

Let me explain. This team may make the playoffs with a first time starting QB this year. It may go far in the playoffs with a terrible secondary this year. Both of those things MIGHT happen. But let's be realistic. Probably not. And it's especially unlikely if half your team-the half that has to keep the other high scoring AFC West competitors out of the end zone-doesn't have it's most productive performer over the last several years. And if this team doesn't somehow overcome and accomplish those lofty goals, this town will, for the most part, turn their backs. San Diego loves a winner, and on those rare occasions that our franchises supply one, we are voracious in our support. But this town abhors a loser, and when those good times are so far and few between, forgive us when we exit the bandwagon, even prematurely. A stadium vote after another "underachieving" year will be a joke.

So I say to you all, the future team that A. J. Smith is building is not the San Diego Chargers. It is the Los Angeles "Whatevers." And I don't care what this douche bag tries to sell you, Marty ain't going to be there and A. J. IS trying to run him out. It isn't easy getting rid of a coach like Marty when you are doing your best to pull the wool over the eyes of the fans in order to sell the last couple of season ticket packages. We remember the last time a GM in this town ran out a winning coach. And we sure as hell remember the decade that followed. So screw you A. J. Smith. And screw you Nick Canepa for believing and spreading this tripe. And screw you Los Angeles "Whatevers," but for now, go Bolts!!!

Part II

Good Lord today is a fine day. I wake up to find that the rain continues raining out baseball games across the land. Basketball goes on to the playoffs without people with sore backs, a favorite linebacker whom I have had occasion to meet a couple of times may be leaving town, and one of the potentially better pass rushers on our squad is doing his best to prevent seizures. Geez, it’s a good morning. Thanks to MC for keeping this place warm as well. We missed you buddy.

So, when we last left this spot we were busy trying to explain why the new quarterback situation is not the dire plot that the mass voice would lead you to believe. Fear not folks, the squad is in shape, the schedule is set and there is no one in their right mind that should be complaining about ‘how tough it is, waahhahahahahahhhaaaaa!!’ like we had last year. The tears can no longer drip between the keys on the board and the new quarterback is going to be fine. Why you say? Let’s see if this helps…

Much as everyone that is armed with a keyboard and an audience of more than three would like you to believe, Team Phillip (I’m experimenting with a nickname, I’m gonna try a few, feel free to tell me which ones suck) is not a rookie. Yes, I know that he will be taking his first snaps as a starter, and that his experience is limited primarily to kneeling on the ball for Marty. But let’s get to business here. Drew is gone, we got that, and I don’t want to come off like I didn’t like him, I did. But he’s gone, it was the right decision and I wish him all the best, you will never convince me we made a mistake. So in comes New Guy #17. Seventeen had a college career that is nothing to be ashamed of. I am not always a huge numbers guy, in my opinion, numbers can be put together to even make old #16 look good. I actually typed his name there, threw up on the keyboard and erased it. Bottom line is, The Kid put up numbers in college and that’s a good start.

Seventeen has been sitting back and babysitting clipboards in this system for two years now. He learned a successful system that is loaded with tools. He has prepared himself well and knows how the offense works. Now, I don’t know who keeps forgetting that Seventeen has #21 lining up behind him on every snap. Last time we checked in with 21, he was at the top of his game and near the top of the league as an offensive player. Ask Ty Law, or Adam Archuletta if 21 can carry the load for this team. It’s a tremendous ease on a young quarterback if you have a solid running game. Check, yep, we got one of those.

Seventeen also has at his disposal, that other guy. What’s his name? I think he wears 85. Hmmm, Eric Seivers… wait no that’s not it… Oh yeah, that’s that Antonio guy. He’s pretty good. And the last time I checked, no one can really cover him and he is a quarterback’s best friend. Seventeen to Eighty Five is going to be a popular call this year. Wow, this doesn’t look that bad does it?

We are also staffed with a receiving corps that benefits from the presence of 85 and 21. Keenan still gets it done, E. Parker is one of the more underrated route runners in the league, and the potential emergence of Vinnie Jack is going to only contribute further. The difference this year is that Seven can get the ball to those guys on the deep route better than Nine did. He can. You can’t dispute that. Go back and watch some film and see how many times guys were under thrown or flat out missed on the deep route. Do it. You will be surprised.

With these viable options the game is simplified for Seventeen. The pieces are in place. You couldn’t ask for a better situation as a first year starter. Seventeen has to be thinking, “You mean, I get to go in there with Tomlinson, Gates, and the Crew? Cool.” This isn’t some second string scout offense he will be running. He is lining up with pro bowlers every week. You can’t get any more dialed in than that. If success is not achieved, we may have to reevaluate the talent level of this guy. Loosely translated, that means, if you can’t have success in this offense, you just might not be any good. You in fact, just might suck. So, we will know very soon how good this guy is. It’s time to play and find out. Ask Brady or Reuengrueter if they would have liked to have those guys around them when they got their first starts. Oh yeah, those guys have about 4 diamond studded paper weights between them, and they succeeded with less than Seventeen has the benefit of. I’m not scared, why are the rest of you?

Finally and this is not fun for me, but check out how many game winning comebacks that Nine had. I can’t really remember too many. I remember a game tying one in the playoffs, but alas, that one fell a little short. Drew got it done to a certain extent, but we were either blowing teams out or losing. There weren’t too many close ones that fell on Nine’s shoulders to win. Is that important? Yeah, I think so. Drew will have success as he always has, but I don’t think he will ever lead a team to the promised land. At least I haven’t seen any evidence yet that he would. Sorry to ruin the party.

It’s Seventeen’s time now. We won’t be disappointed.

Maybe She Was Having a Seizure. Do Headlocks Stop Seizures?

Any chance this will have an effect on the decision to move Donnie Edwards? In Shaun Phillips' defense, sometimes the ladies just be asking for the headlock treatment. And the San Diego Police Department has a long history of attacking professional athletes.

History Repeating.

So now A.J. Smith wants to trade Donnie Edwards? Unbelievable. A proven team leader who has said that he would like to play in San Diego for three or four more years and retire. Wait, this sounds familiar. Who am I thinking of? Ooh, it's on the tip of my tongue. Whatever. I'm sure it'll come to me.

So, you've got a team poised to do great things (first time starting QB permitting), and you get rid of the indisputable heart of your emerging defensive unit? The guy who's seen it all and can offer some guidance to the neverending stream of rookie defenders you rely on to make your defensive scheme run? Who do you expect to step up? Quentin Jammer? Not likely. Shawne Merriman? Sure, the guy has proven himself to be a superb talent, gifted speaker and all around great personality, but that's still a lot to put on a guy who's going into his second year. Whoever it is, I hope they do a better job than Marcellus Wiley.

And for those of you who want to see Marty out the door, I hope you're happy. Because that is what this is really all about. A. J. loves his guys, and Donnie Edwards is a Marty guy. We'll have a new coach next year, and I'm sure that makes a lot of people happy. Before you go and start putting up San Diego Chargers Superbowl Champion banners, though, let me throw a few names at you. Kevin Gilbride. Mike Riley. June Jones, for Christ's sake! Be careful what you wish for. Suck it, A. J.