Tuesday, September 19, 2006

Who Needs This Ass Hat? We've Got It Covered.


Yesterday Tim Sullivan submitted this column to the San Diego Union-Tribune. Essentially, Sullivan feels that the Chargers defensive front seven is deserving of their very own nickname. Something fierce, reminiscent of the Steelers’ Iron Curtain of yore. As much as it pains me to admit, I have to agree with Mr. Sullivan here. This group does deserve its own nickname, and not the recycled, unimaginative “Magnificent 7” the UT coined them as a few weeks back. Why not just, “The San Diego Steel Curtain?” Timmy doesn’t do much better. Here’s a few of his suggestions for you:

The San Diego Concussion Company - Just rolls off the tongue, doesn’t it? And I’m sure that won’t elicit any extra officiating attention from the NFL. Those guys have a great sense of humor.

The Bruise Cruise - Not without Fred Smoot, you don’t.

Blue Steel - Blue Steel? Been watching a little too much Cinemax After Dark lately, TS? “She was a lady cop, on the trail of a sexy killer…Blue Steel.”

The Border Patrol - You’ve got to be kidding me. In a league where someone’s trying to get the Redskins to change their name every year? I don’t think so.

Just ugly stuff. Let’s get creative. Let’s think outside the box here, people. Try this one on for size:

Sherwood Forest - “You can’t get through Sherwood Forest, because there’s Merriman everywhere.”

Snap! You know that shit is ill. Use it. Go ahead, say it to that cute chick who hangs out at the bar on Sundays pretending she knows about football. She will totally have sex with you for being so clever and original. You’ll probably need to explain it several times, but once she gets it, you’ll get it. Seriously, go ahead. Have fun with it. I don’t mind if people use my boundless wit to score themselves some tail. Just don’t try to make any money off of it, because I will sue the crap out of you. I am a red blooded American after all. Go Bolts!!!

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