Monday, September 18, 2006

That's A Charger Girl. Look How Dedicated She Is, Even In Her Leisure Time. Are You?

Don’t give me that crap about who we’ve played. Baltimore hasn’t played anyone either, but suddenly everybody claims to have picked them to go to the Superbowl and just forgot to write it down. And no, Tampa Bay isn’t anybody, by the way. Baltimore has been impressive, though. In fact, regardless of how bad the Titans, Raiders and Bucs are, both the Ravens and the Chargers deserve the praise they’re getting. Good teams beat bad teams. The Ravens and Chargers are killing bad teams. Seriously, if those other teams were baby Harp Seals, PETA would be falling all over themselves trying to rescue them. Crazy rich activists would be trying to buy up all the tickets to all the games so that they wouldn’t have to play them. What will the Bolts and the Poes do to each other? I’m all atwitter with anticipation.

This Philip Rivers kid is pretty good. Sure, he missed some golden opportunities and probably should have got the team into the end zone a couple of more times, but all in all, he looked pretty sharp. He certainly has a knack for rolling to his right and hitting McCardell. How many times did they run that play? And how is it that the Titans didn’t see it coming even once. Ouch. It will definitely be interesting to see how ole Rollout does against the sure to be a bit more insistent pass rush of Baltimore. I have to say, I will be surprised if we hang 40 on them.

The Best Ever continued to be…well…the Best Ever against the Titans. For all you geeks out there that took Larry Johnson first in your fantasy drafts, I just want to say I’m murdering my league with TBE. Neener, neener, neener. Something tells me TBE will find a way to be the first player to find the Ravens end zone this season.

Speaking of running backs, The Burner continues to be explosive when he merely needs to be there. You can’t tell me the Titans didn’t know he was out there to run the ball up the middle and eat clock. I certainly don’t think we were trying to roll it up on them.

Gates was Gatesian, although there were a couple of times where, if Rollout would have hit his spot, he could have broken out big time. Parker had an outstanding grab down the middle. That guy is going to thrive as his quarterback matures. McCardell was a first down machine, and Floyd and Big Vinny saw a little action as well, with Floyd looking like he may be the real deal there.

Shawne Merriman, who I’ll be referring to as Manimal in honor of his beastly play on the field as well as the great TV series of the same name, showed off more skills. He reminded us all that Manimal isn’t all tits and ass and sacks, and while he is those things, he’s also about INTs and swatting balls to the ground. His interception, where he actually turned invisible to get Kerry Collins to try to throw the ball through him, was nothing short of Biblical. The sad part is that the second he caught that ball A.J. Smith was on the phone offering up Donnie Edwards to the local Liquor Barn for a case of Hamm’s and a pack of Swisher Sweets.

The ultimate shocker prize of the day goes to Quentin Jammer. During the third quarter Jammer flew in and broke up a pass. Inexplicably it seemed, he began running around the field, avoiding Titans players to the best of his ability. At first I thought that this was the weirdest defensive celebration I’d ever seen. Had QJ lost his marbles. Then I realized that Jammer actually had the football. Instead of merely deflecting it to the ground with his hands and/or chest, he retained possession of the ball, accomplishing what other teams in the league refer to as a Defensive Back Intercepting the Football (DBIF). Look at him already earning that $25 million. You go, Quentin Jammer! Here’s to hopefully lots more DBIFs in the future!

Nate Kaeding kicked, like about a dozen field goals and extra points. Good job.

Mike Scifres punted some times. Well done.

All in all, a fantastic effort from the greatest football team to take the field since the game was played by actual Titans and their opponents were actual Gods who hurled actual lightning bolts. That’s how you start a season. Way to do the job, boys. Go Bolts!!!


Diego Jimbone said...

An inspired post, MC!

That was a great summary of the whoopin that the boys doles out on Sunday. Man, those games are fun to watch, even if they aren't close. Very well done (and funny) summary, and a Charger girl on a Chargers surfboard on top! Good work, scribe!

Mysterious Q-Man said...

Thats my boy! SD represent.