Monday, September 26, 2005

A Good Start...

Mistakes and lackluster football have made me and my predictions feel like morons and I am done with it. So, instead of making a pick on one game, I am going to share all of my picks on all the other games, just to share with you that I am not worth the stool I sit on this season. Here we go... I actually made these picks on Friday in my fully legal far from illegal football pool. You can laugh if you want to…

-Rams -6.5- They are at home, they are playing the Titans, there is no valid reasoning behind this pick. Truly just a hunch...

-Philly -7.5- Home against Oakland. I hate Oakland. Won’t ever pick ‘em.

-Chicago +3- I don’t know why, Home underdog, good defense. Hey it’s early in the season.

-Jets Pick- Jags lost their best safety/corner/return guy, gimpy quarterback. I do like Leftwich for his middle finger to the Colts though...

-New Orleans +4.5- Yeah, I know, bet against them, road game during short week to another road game, oh and the hurricane? Just felt like picking them...

-Carolina -3.5- It’s Miami. I am not picking Miami. Not yet.

-Indy -13.5- It’s Cleveland. Whatever. Peyton at home with Marvin, that’s enough.

-Buffalo Pick- Vick’s hurt. Buffalo at home. A game I couldn’t care less about...

-Tampa -3- In Lambeau too. I don’t know. I can’t get on this Green Bay wagon, if it was December and 3 degrees I might go the other way. Then again, I am picking against a home dog...not smart.

-Seattle -6- I hate this pick. Arizona is going to win some games. Seattle is going to lose some. Probably should go the other way here. I love football.

Pittsburgh -3- Probably the game of the week against the defending champs. I actually feel good about this one. Would probably invoke the December rule here though too.

-Dallas -6.5- This line could go up to ten and I would still like Dallas. After pushing one out last Monday against the Skins, there is no way that San Francisco can hang. They are just innocent victims here.

-This is where there would be a pick made for the Charger game, moving on...

-Kansas City +3- Most confusing line of the week for me. Denver is terrible, I stand by that statement, and you are going to give me points. Okay, I take them.

If you are scoring at home, that is two correct picks. Two. I am really getting good at this… More on Sunday night later in the week.

Thursday, September 22, 2005

72 Hours and Counting

All right so what do we know. Well, we know that the Bolt Gods were more than a little mildly upset this past Monday night and were looking to make restitution in a clear message sending light show that began shortly after midnight. It was obvious to me that the Lords of Lightning were rather embarrassed to have their likenesses degraded by the performance of the Bolt wearers on the field. Clearly this was a sign that we had better get our stuff together and represent ourselves on the field in the true image of what that Bolt symbolizes.

I am not in a position to make words flow together in a functional way that would adequately portray my feelings about Sunday. All that I can say at this point is this is not a team that I recognize from the recent past. This is a team that resembles some of those others that did some major damage on the field, mostly to my psyche. This team is starting to remind me of a team that not too many people want to remember. So, at this point we will move on.
Now as bleak as things are looking at this very moment consider a few thoughts that I have been tossing around for the last few days. It’s not how we are playing that really needs to be measured right now, because there is another factor that is in play here that dictates how good we really are one eighth into the ’05 season. And it goes a little like this:

-The Cowgirls beat us, the Skins beat the Cowgirls, so the Skins are better than us.

-The Dolphins beat the Ponies, the Ponies beat us, so the Dolphins are better than us.

-So, when we beat the Giants, who beat the Saints, who beat Carolina, who beat the Patriots, who beat the Raiders, it is logical that we are better than the Giants, Saints, Panthers, Patriots and of course the Raiders.

I’d say that puts this season in a much better perspective than the 0-2 record would indicate. I feel much better.

Opening lines for this Sunday’s contest with the Midgets and Little Manning were a reflection of the bad drinking and substance abuse problems of professional gamblers. Bolts giving six and a magical hook to the aforementioned New York Blue. I like the Bolts, hopefully that lightning storm shocked their system a bit. But, that line seems awfully ambitious to me. I think Kicking Nate is going to play a very prominent role in this one, as we turn this season around this Sunday night. ESPN will have the call and will tell me about the magic of the game all the night long.

And now that none of my predictions for the season have been realized we can all agree I am more full of feces than one of America’s favorite cities.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Thursday Night Fun...

Some Quick Reflection Prior to Moving On…

Coach Marty Schottenheimer said there is "a 50-50 chance or even better" rookie linebacker Shawne Merriman will play against the Broncos . . .

This I love. It’s like saying, “He might play, he might not play, but you’ll sure as hell never know, that’s how great a coach I am, you’ll never know my strategy, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, but he is playing you know.” Way to keep it a secret coach, oh and by the way, I am sure that everyone across the country starting in Denver is saying to themselves, “Who is Shawne Merriman again? And why does he spell his name that way?” On second thought it probably is best to keep Denver and Jake in the dark whether or not this guy is playing, he could really mess up their game plan.

Next there was this gem from today’s paper:

General Manager A.J. Smith, who made the decision to present Gates with a deadline, said Monday he had no regrets. Asked if he did, Gates thought for a moment before replying. "You know what?" he said. "In a way. Considering the circumstances, I wasn't out there on Sunday, and obviously I wanted to be there. I wanted to be here long-term. Things happen, you learn from them and now it's time for me to look forward and get ready for Denver."

I sense genuine regret from the touchdown maker here. I think he is starting to wish that he had gone to camp and not gotten himself kicked off the island. Lesson learned. We’re 0-1 and he feels bad, I’d say that’s a win win situation for everybody involved. Mr. Smith made his point, and now we’re 0-1. I haven’t seen two sides work this well together since North and South Korea hit the sheets together. Sometimes I wish this season had a rewind button, somebody get tivo on the phone and see if there is anything they can do...

There are a lot of assumptions I am willing to make at this late stage of the season. Week two is upon us and at 4 O’clock on Sunday the season will be one eighth old. So, here is where I stand. Someone should record this so I feel like an absolute moron later in the season when this is all wrong… Let’s do it in bullet format, ready go:

-I still think it is a good idea to bet against the Saints. (Shut up, that makes me an opportunist, not a jerk)

-Kansas City is back. We can compete for the division with them, but unless Larry Johnson keeps beating up his “girlfriend” we are going to have to play very well, and beat them twice.

-Oakland is on their, whatever, Oakland could go 15-1 and they would still suck.

-Teams I like that Lost in Week One:
Carolina, Philadelphia (stretching here), St. Louis (shut up), Washington (oh, they won?)

-Teams I don’t like that Won in Week One:
Washington, San Francisco (shocker, and not in the bay area way), Miami’s Offense, Dallas (Eat me Parcells)

-Denver has no quarterback, no backup quarterback, questionable running backs, and no coach. They goooooood…

-We are better than we played last weekend. We have a horrible schedule. Second hardest in the league. We need to win the division again.

-It is entirely possible that there will be 22 8-8 teams by season’s end. Someone in the NFC may win the division with a losing record. That has nothing to do with baseball and any ill will I harbor to anyone that won’t shut up about that. It’s football season.

On that note, we should, and I said this last week, just not here, kill Denver this Sunday. I know that they may be playing high after getting smoked by Miami last weekend, but the defense should be able to handle the ineptitude that is their attempt at football. In fact I will make a score prediction.

We will score like Paris Hilton and they will score like Dwight Gooden.

More later…

Tuesday, September 13, 2005

Week One Done...

Reflecting after being a few days removed from what is not what you would like to call an ideal start to the 2005 Bolt season, we find ourselves in the awesome position of being an 0-1 team in what I will continue to perceive as an improved division. With the notable exception of the Broncos taking a Dolphin induced turd down in Miami, the competition is doing its impression of the division of years past. Kansas City looked what can only be described as better in their grounding of the Jets. How much of that was the Chiefs running game versus the fraternity president Mr. Chad Pennington’s notable failures (of which there were six!!) is still to be seen. But from my seat, it looked like the Chiefers, at least after week number one were yet to bring Mr. Vermiel to tears. I won’t say it yet, my vocal chords and fingers have revolted and will not allow me to put in print that the Silver and Black Halloweenies definitely were present during their contest with the Pats. And that is as far as I am going to pursue that thought…

It is at this point that we should revisit our opening day against the Cowgirls. I still have not totally accepted up to this point how they managed to beat us on our patch of grass. A crippled robot for a quarterback and a receiver who left his best days in South Central managed to reduce our secondary to a bad pop warner squad. How we didn’t manage to break the all time single game sack record against a quarterback who moves about as well side to side as my windshield wipers is beyond me. How did our much “improved” secondary make Keyshawn look like he could beat Willie Gault in a race? I guess it’s not that tough to worry about making difficult catches when no one is covering you. The only viable threat seemed to be Clayton, and he too got his fair share of the pigskin. Oh, and then there were the penalties. Pass interference was the special of the day, mix in a few personal fouls, and a couple of illegal contacts and some holds, and we had ourselves a five dollar lunchtime special out at the Murph. Game one jitters I say, and I am sticking to that.

The offense was less than spectacular and there are a few reasons that I will consider to be slightly valid. Dallas’ defense is fast. On a few plays it looked like some of their linebackers could get open against our secondary. And not to say that Roy Williams didn’t have a big day either. That guy can play, and he will let you know it every opportunity he gets. Ladainian couldn’t get it going against that defense with one of our major threats sitting sideline; whose only responsibility this day to make sure his hat stayed on his head properly. I know, I know, damn A.J. Smith for doing that to us, but I will not waver not even under the most extreme of pressures to find the fault in that situation with just one party. Just think if Mr. Gates had just gone to camp, got his contract, and then got his obligatory catches and scores. The 42 point prediction I made pre-game just might have come true. I fret not, Ladainian will get it going and now we can put that whole suspension debacle away and never speak of it again…

Highlight of the day was little Darren Sproles. This guy is going to score some touchdowns on some big returns. He single handedly provided excellent field position for us all the day long. Maybe it’s because he is fast, and he is, his legs look like a hummingbird on crack when he’s busting out. Or, maybe it’s because the opponents just can’t see the 5’6” (generosity is a virtue) frame at that speed. Either way, we are going to be doing the Sproles dance before too long. Shoot, now I need to make up a Sproles dance…

The road gets tougher from here as well. First, Denver next week. Can we handle them? Sure. Will they improve on that disaster that they had last week? Well, they kind of have to. I don’t even believe that Jake the Mistake can play that bad again. Should we win that game? Absolutely. No doubt about it. We lose that one and someone is going to have to get me a new t.v. because it will feel my wrath for broadcasting something that horrendous. Oh, and then it gets interesting with the east coast swing starting with little brother Manning. Their special teams were good, Eli was two picks short of a golden sombrero, and they managed to beat up on that barren desert squad. How the Zonie’s aren’t good must be accounted for by some level of supernatural interference. They have too much talent to… well, suck that bad. Then come the tough games against the playoff teams from last year. If we can start that swing 2-1 we should be in good shape. Somebody get me a rabbit’s foot or a lucky poker chip or something…

That’s it for now, more on the Ponies later in the week. Oh, and let’s issue a bulletin in the locker room on say Thursday, that is directed exclusively at the secondary. It reads:

Attention Members of the Charger Secondary:

-Don’t hold
-Don’t interfere

Monday, September 12, 2005

We're Back...

First of all I would like to welcome myself back from a productive and positive hiatus from everything that is sporting event related here in San Diego. I also have to express my gratitude that the off season complete football blackout was fairly well adhered to and there were not too many mindless conversations during baseball season concerning the well being of the football team. It is and always will be a word beyond amazing to me how experts and mindless know it alls can convince themselves and others who will be the ultimate winner of the Super Bowl, sometime in mid-March. It’s baseball that allows me to avoid those meaningless distractions, and when your team is in first place, albeit by default, you can direct the talking points to something that matters. There is plenty of time to make Super Bowl predictions, and now is not the time. You can take your Colt loving, Patriot hating, Eagle bashing experts and tell them no matter how loud or long they shout about the winner of this year’s Super XL (not good roman numerals either) they have no idea what is going to happen. Ask Carolina and Kris Jenkins. Rafael Palmerio congressional statement period goes here.

Yesterday marked the beginning of the campaign for 28
football teams. Some had some extraordinary hardship to play through, and some of us thought that it would be fair and somewhat smart to try to capitalize financially on some of those teams. Needless to say that my thinking was not clear or concise and the Las Vegas Hilton has some of my money courtesy of Hurricane Katrina. I do not feel guilty about the play that I made, nor do I feel the sting of it’s loss, for I can find solace in knowing that the good folks in the soggy south had their team show up, play hard and walk away victorious in a most improbable situation. Congrats to the land of Beads and Jazz, a special delivery of fresh bags is on the way for next year when you are back on your feet.

It’s a good feeling to have San Diego football back. It will be a better feeling after I am able to stomach game one jitters and deal with all of the negativity that is being directed in a manner that I feel is rather one sided criticism aimed squarely at A.J. Smith. Mr. Smith didn’t cost us the football game any more than the penalties on the secondary would have helped us win it. Would having Mr. Gates on the field have made a difference in the game? Sure. I’d be a little less than inept if I said it wouldn’t have. But, choices were made by both parties, none of them very good, and we had a Gates free day at the Murph. We also had a win free day. Tough start to the ’05 campaign.

Quick recap, good to be back, good to have football back. Things will develop around here a bit quicker now that kickoff has become official. Keep on board Bolt folk. Keep on board.