Friday, October 29, 2004

Last Minute Talkback Extravaganza. Now With 20% More 'Ganza

Couldn’t even take out a seagull? What good is that big ole monster bitch mobile of yours anyway? No seagull gonna get away from the wrath of the mighty Hyundai. I’m pretty sure that Hyundai means “bird smashing death machine” in some other language. But you right about running over pirates and all that blather.

Personally, I can’t watch or listen to Rome these days. He’s been kind of a kiss ass namby pamby wuss since he got his TV show. Can’t rail on anybody too hard if you want them to do the show. Or maybe he’s just scared that there might be a Chrissy Everett repeat. I think Mike Vick is still an awesome, although completely misused, player, but I’ll take our boy every time.

1) As I said before, in the post I did before I realized my coconspirator had submitted already, Chatman should come in strong for a big chunk of this game. But the Brees/McCardell connection is where this game is really at.

2) God, how I hate this timeout thing. As far as I’m concerned this shouldn’t even be a factor this week. I want to see this Oakland team thoroughly demoralized by halftime. I want to see Vodka crying and trying to tag out to Tuisa-whatever.

3) Drayton Florence. This guy seems to be in the right place at the right time quite a bit. Let’s see if he can get numero tres this week. Gotta love threes. Hat tricks, trifectas…all good things. I’d say his chances are pretty good.

4) Antonio Gates. What can I say? This guy needs a nickname stat. How about the painfully obvious “First Down!”

5) All Nate Kaeding needs to do is kick extra points this week. What’s a field goal?

6) Once a bird crapped on my head when I was talking to a girl at a barbecue. That didn’t feel very lucky. Another time a moth flew in my mouth when I was talking to a girl. I inhaled it and tried to act like nothing happened. “Did you just eat a moth?” “Umm, no?” Nature hates me, so I don’t cut up my six pack rings and I always pick plastic.

I. Am. Out.

Here's your dealy-yo.

Well, it looks like we might beat the blackout after all. There’s been a twenty-four hour extension to the ticket deadline and that leads me to believe somebody has something cooking. Hurray, I get to live. So here is your game analysis and prediction.

Now I could go into all the factors such as, San Diego and Oakland always play each other hard. Or this is a trap game. Or how Kerry Collins started to look like he was getting it last week, and our pass defense is suspect. But I’m not going to. We will slaughter this plummeting Raider team. We will ram the ball down their throats at will, and they will have no idea what hit them. “The Stupefying One,” groin injury and all, will have a field day with this team. He will be on the bench by the second half and Chatman will come in with another big hold. McCardell will get his first and second touchdowns as a Charger, and Antonio will continue to be Antonio, collecting first downs the way I collect unsolicited opinions.

The Raider fans can try to make Qualcomm/The Murph their own for this Halloween match-up (Which is both redundant and fitting I might add), but to no avail. Sure, people will people killed and villages will be pillaged, but our valiant team shall rise above, unflinching in the face of accountants dressed as Rob Zombie video rejects and Gangsters dressed as…well, Gangsters. So beware Raider Nation, because the gallant champions of Raider-Hater Nation shall rise up and smite thee down to a manageable 2-6. How cute you’ll be. Waah! Waah!

Ahhh. Perhaps I get carried away. Perhaps I forget that just a few short weeks ago, I myself was unconvinced that this team could win. And the Raiders do play us hard. We’re division rivals for crying out loud. We could even lose! Oh no, I’m getting scared! What was I thinking?! The Raiders are good! They’re gonna come in here…there gonna come in here and they’re gonna…there gonna! Nah, they suck. Go Bolts!

Quick Hits, and Rats...

O.K. so a seagull is almost like a hummingbird right? Let’s see if you can follow this logic stream that leads to a Bolt victory this weekend of the dead. While piloting my very favorite vehicle for truck parties (ask my colleague) I encountered three ravenous winged rats manifesting themselves as seagulls. These three rats in particular were devouring the remains of something looking like it once resembled a food product, as they were binging like an Ethiopian at a Vegas buffet. I surveyed the scene, made my choice and gassed the beast in order to fulfill the hummingbird prophecy. One went left, one escaped right, and the third made nice with the bumper and then did a check of my transfer case to make sure I wasn’t leaking any transmission fluid. A quick check of the rearview mirror saw a rat imitating a gymnast on a tumbling run. Dazed, the rat regained consciousness and flew off unscathed. Attempted murder by Chevrolet thwarted, but positive signs for the Bolts I say. As Seagulls are the rats of the sea, and Pirates are nothing more than the same, the Bolts are going to run over the Raiders this weekend. So be it…

Nice Thursday treat tonight as Ladainian was on the Jim Rome show tonight. All talk focused on his love for the Chargers and for a time like many I thought his feelings would eventually dwindle for a team that didn’t put a quality product on the field. But, “Hoss” convinced me that he truly loves San Diego, believes in the system and is excited to win a Big Bowl here. There will be some big time glass raising for “Hoss” this weekend. He also commented on the question of who got the better of his draft day trade for the “Quarteringback” in Atlanta, his response, “I am sure Atlanta loves Mike Vick.” Well, we here are pretty darned okay with the trade “Hoss”. Pretty darned okay.

Time for the Quick Hits:

1) “Hoss” pointed out that his groin is still a bit overused and is just shy of survival mode until the bye week which is two weekends away. So, the onus falls on one Jesse “The Best Backup in the League” Chatman who is sure to see some carries this weekend. So we go to prop bet numero uno: Chatman touchdowns vs. Brees six pointers. I say if Chatman can win this inter-team battle, the Bolts make rat food out of the Pirates.

2) Far be it for me to dwell on things past, but the Bolts made a valiant effort at hoarding their timeouts last weekend. They actually had some, all of them in fact, at the end of both halves. Guess what? They were able to stop the clock, used the timeouts effectively and came away with the win. All I am saying is that if there are no timeouts left, look for the Bolts to be behind and struggling for the win.

3) Another no brainer here, turnovers. Turnovers. Turnovers. None turnovers for us do we need. “Skipper” has been very good as of late by throwing the ball to the right team. Ladainian had the one unheard of fumble last week. It had been something like three years since he had lost one. So let it be said that we need to pick “Tom” this week and then convert those cocktails into points. My call, whoever wins the turnovers wins the contest.

4) The Antonio Gates. Enough said. Well, not yet. He is steadily making a case to be a favorite Bolt of mine. “First Down” Gates. Follow the Yellow Computer Generated Line my friend. Ha! I love it.

5) Prop Bet Numero Dos: Nate Kaeding. Over/Under on missed field goals: ½. I’ve got the under.

6) Lastly, I have been told that in Italian tradition if you get bird poop on you it’s good luck. A Boston Sports writer commented on this before the Yank-Me’s series right after he got a shoulder full of crap. After learning that it was good luck in the Italian tradition, he didn’t wash the T-Shirt and hid it from his wife. The Red Sox wind up doing the impossible, beating the Yank-Me’s, winning the Big Series and everyone eats, drinks, and is merry. The question then, is bird parts/feathers from a winged rat on your bumper the equivalent? I say yes…

Your court.

Thursday, October 28, 2004

Game? What Game?

Could this possibly be a less talked about match up this week?

Yes, I understand that the Red Sox did something so super duper incredible over the last eight days that we should all be in awe of the curse and the Babe, the Yank-me’s outstanding debacle, the new Murderer’s Row, and forget that we have jobs and teams of our own to root for.

Yes, I understand that the local newscasters have been slightly more than preoccupied with the new Doppler 1.2 Trillion Radar that they just had installed this July to measure to the hundred thousandth of an inch the torrential rainfall that they are predicting (read: hoping) will wreak havoc in Mission Valley this winter. “Oh, there is a cloud. According to Doppler 1.2 Trillion, we should see 17/81sts of an inch of rain the second Tuesday of the next lunar cycle. If everything goes well hundreds of hummingbirds will be tragically displaced and if we are extraordinarily lucky, someone might get stuck in their car in a parking lot in Fashion Valley. Oh boy!!!”

No talk about the Bolts, “Hoss”, Version 2.0, The Antonio, the status of the ticket sales, the blackout. Nothing. So I guess it is up to the only two morons in San Diego who care nothing about rainfall totals and hummingbirds. We got nothing better to do anyway.

If you thought last week was the “Trap Game” think again. This one has disaster written all over it like a kid passed out in a room full of drunks with a 100 pack of brand new Sharpie’s and T.O. leading the parade. "Vodka" Collins a.k.a "Tom" at the helm vs. “The Skipper”. How do you measure that match up? You know “Tom” is due, he did lead a mediocre Giants team to a Big Bowl game you know. To say that I am a bit worried about the Raiders on Halloween is an understatement.

As my colleague stated, I don’t really have the luck truck backed up in front of my place if you know what I’m sayin’. I would be lucky to get out of this one with an electron burn on the retinas from sitting to close to the t.v. I would rather have Edward Scissorhands give me a prostate exam than to have to sit in the same Parking Trap as the cross dressing opposition. I would rather be tied to the chair of a Hyundai with barbed wire while getting doused with rubbing alcohol on a road trip to Phoenix in July with no air conditioning and “The Postal Service” playing an acoustic set in the backseat. I just dry heaved thinking about it.

Quick Hits tomorrow… By the way, I kill hummingbirds for fun.

A Cry For Help and Community Love

All right, people. Zero hour is upon us, and it is absolutely imperitive that this game is sold out. NOW! My very life could depend on it. How, you ask? Let me explain. If this game is not shown on television, I will be forced to attend. That would make this the third straight year I have been to the Chargers-Raiders home game, here in San Diego. I have escaped from the last two relatively unscathed. Therefore, by sheer law of averages, I am sure to be knifed at this year’s game. Don’t deny it. You know it’s true. And even though I’m starting to really dig the product, the Chargers are at least three or four wins away from being “to die for.” So, help me out Bolts fans, and do your part to make Qualcomm/The Murph a sea of Charger blue and gold this Sunday. I’ll be at the next one, but I’m too young to die this week.

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Football is Weird.

Seriously, I am stumped. Arizona Downs the vaunted Seahawks. Miami sinks the flagging Rams. Denver takes a big dump against the very Bengally looking Bengals. Is this the oft mentioned parity? I don’t know, but I guess it’s kind of nice when your team was in last place a year ago, and now they actually have the look of a contender. But it’s scary, too. I mean, the way things are going we have real solid shot at going into our bye with a 6-3 record. Not too shabby, eh? But, if the Kansas City Chiefs can run up 56 points on a team that actually stole one from us and went in with a 5-1 record, well, nothing is as solid as it appears to be. Also, we have to face those Chiefs twice this year, and I’m no bona fide football expert or anything, but I can say with a certain amount of confidence, that Priest Holmes is a bit more polished as a runner than Brad Hoover. This brings us to the game.

Do I believe this post Super Bowl loss funk thing? It’s getting kind of hard not to. With these Carolina Panthers, I’m going to have to say the funk is emulating squarely from the pits of Jake Delhomme. I mean, they had a run game. They were stopping ours pretty well. Sure, Steve smith is out, but Muhammed and Colbert were definitely getting open. The only problem I noticed was that Jake seems to think his receivers are much taller than they actually are. Well, Carolina’s stuck with a big, fat payroll on that guy, so they better hope he works his way out of it.

So what about the Chargers? Sometimes things just go your way, but man was that ugly. I’d love to give credit to the D for holding the Panthers to six points, but come on. Brad Hoover? A couple of seriously lucky overthrows? That game could very well have been a disaster. I will give massive credit to Jesse Chatman and Keenan McCardell. Wow, I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not see “Runny McScores-A-Lot” anywhere near the field this Sunday unless absolutely necessary. Chatman is showing the world, or at least the small portion of it that actually gets to see Chargers games, that he is more than capable of carrying the load until “The Phenomenal Portrait of Backfield Excellence” is 100% groin injury free. And McCardell? Well I’ll be surprised if any veteran players bother to show up for workouts, mini-camps or even pre-season games next year. Antonio Gates continues to make his presence known, and jersey sales have got to be going through the roof.

All in all, a win’s a win, and I’ll take it. The offense woke up a bit in the second have to completely baffle me when thinking back to the week before. The defense got manhandled which is frightening since the Raiders finally kind of got their stuff in gear and the Saints can show up at any time. For now though, let’s enjoy this feeling. Seven games into the year and one game out of the division. Oh yeah, that does feel nice.

Movin' On...

So it was a bit of a lot of different factors that made the difference on that fine October Sunday morning. Little did I know that the “Hoss” wouldn’t be the major factor in the albeit assured and predicted victory you heard here first last week. “Hoss” was in fact good enough for a handful of yards and a nice six point play that distanced the Bolts from the Kitty Kats and almost made a fan feel secure. Almost.

Big time points for the many times mentioned and soon to be a Bolt favorite, Mr. Gates who is consistently finding that conveniently generated yet still semi annoying yellow first down stripe. Congrats to my colleague for aptly recognizing The Antonio’s nose for smelling first down yardage. Version 2.0 launched without a hitch as Keenan McCardell went for five catches for some significant yardage, making The Skipper’s options much more deep and allowing his throws to be true. What? Who said that? Dammit. I hate eating my damned words, but in this case I am all for it. Chocolate covered turds for me to feast on. If Skip keeps this up, that whole “for now” suffix to his nickname is going to vanish like the can of a Beverly Hills Soccer Mom after a trip to the lipo clinic.

Security and celebration finally came on the behalf of one Jesse Chatman, who is a gracious spot filler in terms of sore groins. While Ladanian is still battling the pulling of his groin weekly, Jesse is getting some carries and making the most of them, rushing for big yards and bigger touchdowns, putting this squad in contention. I did do some laps last Sunday, just polling some of the fans of the first place Ponies to see if they could in fact hear the sounds of the Bolts footsteps creeping up behind them. All indications were that no, they couldn’t hear our mediocre team and chose to keep their focus not on their rear view mirrors, but on their own Cat Fight on Monday Night. Well Pony fans, I am here to say that after last night’s performance on the banks of the Ohio, you had better take a peek. We are right there behind you and we are down for some Pony roping and ass branding Charger style. If not for a terrible second half against the Falcs last week, you would be standing squarely in a pile of tied for first place Pony droppings. Do not underestimate the Bolts Colorado. You have been warned.

Next: Oakland. Halloween. Five thousand seats to sell by Thursday at 1:15 p.m. Seeing how I don’t want to have an ear bitten off, or be stabbed by lunatic accountants from the Northern part of the state who play dress up like a pirate during football games, let’s buy some seats San Diego.

Seriously, can anyone explain the phenomenon of “Raider Nation?” How is it that you think if you dress like a pirate and cheer for your football team you are an intimidating force that frightens your opponents into producing involuntary grunt sculptures in their pants? Some advice, take your tired Pirate act down to Hillcrest after the game, and you will get a much different reaction. I am just saying, you know, Pirates? Hillcrest? Goes together like Sigfried and Roy, no?

Friday, October 22, 2004

Consistency is a Word Often Used to Describe Poo.

Brent Jones is a douche. Nothing he could ever say would redeem him to me. Seriously, crediting someone for noticing that LaDainian is the best running back in the league is like high-fiving a baby for sucking its thumb. I just had to get that off my chest to start things off.

Now for some pre-game analysis and prediction. God, how I love pregame analysis and prediction. Where should I start? All right, let me just say two words: Trap game. Wounded championship team, clawing desperately to get a handhold on this season. Freaking scary. Yes, their defensive line is decimated. Absolutely their leading receiver is out. True their QB, who was drawing comparisons to Tom Brady at the beginning season, is looking a little more like Greg Brady right now (Look out, Marsha!). But, and I’ve said it before, our beloved Chargers have done more than just about anyone to pull struggling teams out of their doldrums. Abso-freaking-lutely terrifying.

So let’s talk about what should happen. We’ve seen three straight weeks of consistent play on the field (With a splash of poor coaching, to be sure). If this keeps up, I imagine we’ll see “Our Boy Kick Ass” juking and jiving his way to a career type day against one of the worst ranked rushing defenses going right now. Don’t expect to see lights out numbers from Brees, as Carolina still has a ball-hawking secondary that can create mayhem. This is especially so, since our receiving core is a bit shaky at present. Bobby Shaw should plug in pretty quick, coming from a similar system in Buffalo, but don’t expect McCardell to do much more than occasionally come out and spread the field a bit. So once again the word is Antonio. Antonio. Antonio. Wherefore art thou Antonio? Oh there you are you crazy bastard, just past that imaginary yellow line for another first down. Atta boy! I wouldn’t mind seeing us get the ball to “Dear Lord, Did You Just See What He Did?” in space a time or two either.

On defense, don’t be fooled by that injury Steven Davis has been nursing. He’ll play hard with the season nearly on the line, so let’s keep that run defense focused. Looks like Drayton Florence is going to start at right corner this week. If he can keep his head in the game, this could be a major step in shoring up that porous secondary. We should probably keep the old digits crossed on that one. I also feel I have done a disservice to the team for not mentioning a couple of serious performers on the defensive side of the ball, so let me remedy that right now. Steve Foley and special teamer extraordinaire Stephen Cooper. Good solid first names on those guys too.

Bottom line is, on paper, we own this Panther team right now, but we need to remain consistent. Consistency, unfortunately has never been a strong suit in America’s Finest City.

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Version 2.0

As it seems I have survived the Atlanta timeout fiasco at least until halfway through the first quarter this weekend when the first of three clock stoppers goes up in flames like a post game celebration in Detroit. The over under on this one is still to be set, but I have a feeling it will be sometime in the second half of the first quarter, maybe say the five minute mark to open the line. That will move by game time I promise.

Focal points today are marked by the two new additions to the suddenly depleted receiving corps. Reche is gonzo for the yearzo. I haven’t seen a knee turn around like that since what’s his Raider did his in some time ago. Napoleon somebody, whatever, doesn’t really matter. I am for one going to miss Reche, he was one of my favorites to watch. Now what matters is that there is a new crew in town quite literally. What this will do to the offense is particularly interesting because in the long run it should strengthen the attack. Yes, I said attack. What of it? We are pretty strong when the coaches want us to be so stick that in your pipe Ricky and take a good long pull off of it. The Bolts mean business (when the coaching staff lets them). Now, there may be some timing issues at play here in week one of Bolts Receivers Version 2.0. I expect that “Hoss”, or as the most incompetent announcer who redeemed himself with one sentence, Brent Jones said on Sunday, “the best running back in the league” will have to have a monster game this week. (By the way, Mr. Jones had to take time off from servicing one Michael Vick; he sounded like he had a mouth full of marbles all day when he talked about him. But he did utter that one redeeming comment) Once again the Antonio will need to play a major part in this victory as Version 2.0 and the Skipper get accustomed to one another. When in doubt Antonio, tell Skipper to throw it to you near the orange sticky uppy thing, or the yellow sticky uppy thingys. Communication is the key.

The defense should get a brief reprieve due to the completely decimated Carolina Kitty Kats roster. No running backs, one receiver and many injuries are plaguing this team. This is the Bolts game for the taking. Yep, you heard it here. Bold predictions and Quick Hits coming Friday a.m. from a guest spot in Phoenix. I am off to chase our rainfall out there and to catch an A.S.U vs. U.C.L.A battle from the desert. Let it be known that I will proudly be displaying my S.D.S.U. t-shirt at said game. Go Aztecs.

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Like You Don't Know What Gonorrhea Burns Like.

As a responsible quasi-journalist, I feel a certain responsibility, as I'm sure my esteemed colleague would agree, to clarify on vague opinions and statements that may appear on this post. That being said, I felt I should make it absolutely clear that my co-contributor is against the Chargers decisions regarding timeouts. I'm afraid I must agree. Many of the three and a half of you may accuse me of bandwagonning on this issue, but that is a chance I'm willing to take. I can no longer turn a blind eye to this problem. Truthfully, this is not a situation pertaining solely to the ever flagging Bolts organization. Many in the NFL have fallen victim to clock management controversy. Mike Martz and Bill Parcells come to mind, and it would be hard to call either of them slouches in the pantheon of NFL coaches. So, the question is, "How can proven winners like these men and our own Marty Schottenheimer, continue to engage in these egregious misjudgements week in and week out?" I know the answer. The fault lies not in the systems employed by these men and the teams they command, but in the system itself. This is why I intend to take my solution to the desk of Paul Tagliabue this very off-season.

Every team gets unlimited time outs!!! Could it be any simpler? No, it couldn't! Think about it. Games that stretch out to 6 or 7 hours. That should appeal to real football fans everywhere. No accountability for for the coaches in the late stages of the game. That should appeal to them. Plenty of extra rest for the players on the field. You know they're down with that plan. And, most importantly, even more commercials. That should appeal to the consumer in all of us, as well as adding much needed revenue to the dangerously diluted bank accounts of the owners, who would be sure to take that revenue right out and purchase brand new state of the art facilities for the teams we love, at no extra cost to you and me. Mr. Commisioner. This is an idea that's time has come!

Holy Crap!

Keenan McCardell a Bolt? That's what they're saying. Supposedly for a 3rd and 6th rounder. Good thing we got rid of that one disgruntled receiver we had last year. Truthfully, this makes me happy. Turns out we did sign Bobby Shaw as well. Looks like the Caldwell injury might be pretty bad after all. David Ball goes to injured reserve. A lot going on in Chargerville right now. Wow.

Does Gonorrhea Burn Like This?

I promised myself that I wouldn’t dwell on this timeout thing. Then again, I am the one with the opinion here, albeit biased and maybe a bit judgmental. In our little politically correct don’t judge lest ye be judged world, ef off. I am judging this one because quite frankly this situation cost us a game, and it has been a constant thing for some time now, and it makes me want to go head first into the bolt cannon in the midst of a scoring blitz and let the cannon master play rapid fire.

There are some things that have me speaking like a stuttering nine year old with Tourette’s at times. First and somewhat less apparent this year have been the stray bullets that the “Skipper”(for now) has sprayed like a group of disgruntled high school kids, in trench coats, angry at their teachers. That problem has been addressed and needs no further commentary (for now). Second has been the timeout situation. This team, (this year, last year, the last year before that, and you get the point) looks more confused than Jessica Simpson at the National Spelling Bee. Seriously, do we need to dumb down the playbook Pop Warner style? “Hey Drew, throw it to Antonio, you know who Antonio is, throw it to him once he runs past the little orange sticky uppy thing in the corner over there.” No we can’t do that, what we do is call timeouts, so everyone can have a safety wipe and some can get a fresh diaper like a bunch of Pee Wee’s who dumped in their game gear, leaving none for critical situations like oh, the end of the game, or God forbid a challenge on a controversial play.

Fourth and goal from a few yards from the Promised Land, down by four, no timeouts, roughly six minutes and some change and we kick a field goal, a useless field goal without any timeouts. No way to stop the clock. Read that again. No way to stop the clock, against a quarteringback that runs like I had a cat who shits feathers stuck up my nose during allergy season. Atlanta effectively ran six minutes off of the clock to end the football game when we had no more timeouts. I can’t even begin to express the feeling I was having as this was happening on Sunday. I was freaking out during the first half when the same thing was happening. Chairs were being thrown, the Patriots fans were laughing at me, we had talked about timeouts all week on the post, on Saturday night we talked about them again. They knew to watch us burn timeouts. Timeouts were burning like hookers crotches in San Francisco, in both halves. WE LOST THE GAME BECAUSE OF IT!!!!!! I have to stop now, my heart feels like it might explode and I smell smoke…

Now that I have vented the radioactive gas and avoided complete meltdown, I want each and every one of you, yes, all three and a half of you to watch us burn timeouts this weekend. It had better not be a consequence again or you might be reading my obit here at this site on Monday. “Man Perished Due to Severe Chest and Skull Explosion Following Timeout Debacle during Bolts Game, Possibly Even Soiled his Pants”

My Head Hurts. Please Take This Post With a Grain of Salt. Thank You.

I’m impressed. I am thoroughly impressed with this team. How can you not be? Did anyone out there truly believe that they’d have accomplished this much so soon. Three wins? Already? I had them pegged for three wins all year. So what better time to rest on your laurels and go back to playing fundamental Charger football? You know, protect your ten point lead in the third quarter. Fall back into your “bend and pray you don’t snap like a toothpick” defense. Reach up under my sternum and squeeze until my heart pops like a zit. Tried and true tactics all around.

Oh geez, am I waffling again? I apologize. Truthfully this season has given us some real hope for the future. There are some emerging players, and a surprising amount of heart on this club. And then there is other stuff…

The personnel issues continue to concern me. I don’t just mean the hundred gazillion dollars they’re paying to a bunch of guys on other teams. I’m certainly not going to go back to the whole Rodney “Descending player huh? Well, I certainly wouldn’t have let Mike Vick roll out into space and waltz into the end zone, without at least knocking him out for the season” Harrison thing either. I don’t want to ask what happened to Kevin Dyson, why we’re talking about signing Bobby Shaw, or what exactly did David Boston do that was all that bad (Although I would talk more about that one if he weren’t on IR right now). And the last thing I would ever mention is how people in the know will tell you, to a man, that Dean-o was always the tightest shut down corner in the Rat Pack. So what is it about personnel that I do want to talk about? Oh, I guess it was that stuff. I’m a little under the weather, and not thinking entirely clearly.

Speaking of not thinking clearly, I’m a little irked with a few of the coaching decisions that were made this past Sunday. Now, I definitely have to give credit to the staff for letting Nate “Is it too early to call me a phenom” Kaeding go for a fifty-three yarder. That’s the kind of thing that gives a young guy career building type confidence. But what the hell is up with our offense? I don’t want to see this team play as thought they believe they’ve ever held a ten point lead for two whole quarters again. That is chilling. Go for the jugular. Go for the jugular. Also, the jugular, there’s a place to go.

Well Chargers, I suppose I can understand how you wouldn’t want to be shown up by the other San Diego professional sports franchise. I imagine you feel it’s your turn to achieve closeness. And to that I say, best of luck. May you soar to respectable heights on the gilded wings of pigeons.

Monday, October 18, 2004

Upon Furter Review

From last weeks posts…

“2) Prop Bet #2: Atlanta turnovers versus Charger timeouts that Mr. (For Now) Skipper Drew "I am in a contract year with a team that doesn't trust me farther than I can throw a football" Brees burns like an east county neighborhood.”

“1)To a degree I understand what you say, and then I just want to crap all over it and say, “Remember Washington v. Cleveland earlier this year.” Do you happen to remember the Redskinny tirade we witnessed by the Capital City’s bleeding heart fan here in San Diego? The reason the ‘Skinnys were there in that spot was because Team Nascar mismanaged their timeouts like a Priest mismanages altar boys. Timeout burning can be just as devastating as turnovers. Scoring on this one is up to you…”

Just wanted to point out the fact that this makes my heart burn… just roast like a frogs fat-ass on a hot rock in Texas.

Not the only problem during this game mind you, but zero timeouts with six minutes on the clock is unacceptable. Great first half, horrid second half, and some very, very suspect, almost Yankee like officiating….more later

Friday, October 15, 2004

And So it Goes...

My time to spew nonsense:

1) It is going to be very difficult for Tomlinson to gain yards this week. I think that the Falcons are going to redefine the make the quarterback beat us philosophy. I expect to see the Denver style at the line with 8 or 9 in the box, and a key on the tight end. That tight end will be the key to spreading things out enough for “Hoss” to get his yards. The Skipper (for now) must have a big, accurate day this Sunday. Point to you.

2) To a degree I understand what you say, and then I just want to crap all over it and say, “Remember Washington v. Cleveland earlier this year.” Do you happen to remember the Redskinny tirade we witnessed by the Capital City’s bleeding heart fan here in San Diego? The reason the ‘Skinnys were there in that spot was because Team Nascar mismanaged their timeouts like a Priest mismanages altar boys. Timeout burning can be just as devastating as turnovers. Scoring on this one is up to you…

3) Yes. But I still hate commercials. I hate them so. They make me want to smear my feet in honey and stand in a fire ant hill.

4) So it’s neither Igor, pronounced “EEEEEGGGGORRRRR”, nor Donnie, we rely on a “Mora” to stop the caged bird. Nice call, I forgot about the “Mora” factor, and yes there is a “Mora” factor at play here. Point to you and the Bolts. Gotta love the whole “Mora” family.

5) I think “push” here. I think we are going to see some less than impressive numbers from both of these “quarter(ing)backs on Sunday. The tight ends are going to be spending much time in the ice baths and trainer’s rooms by Monday. They are going to be abused like a Thai call girl.

6) Good Bet if the Bolts are winning. Bad bed if the bad guys are winning.

Nice game today, you did well. Go Bolts. Go Shoulders. Go “Hoss”. Go Booger eating.

Time to lay the reply down.

1) This should be an interesting battle at the lines. I suspect Tomlinson will receive more than his fair share of carries against a line very capable of applying the kind of pressure on Brees that could lead to big mistakes. Unfortunately, Atlanta also boasts one of the most formidable run-stopping defenses in the league as well. The Chargers have been doing a very respectable job stopping runners the last couple weeks themselves. As they do not employ a 4-3 defense, like Detroit, they will probably be less likely to spread the line out to corral Vick. Look for All-pro Donnie Edwards to spend a lot of time spying the elusive QB. This could leave the rest of our front seven to keep an eye on Dunn, who is having an impressive season as well. When all is said and done, I imagine neither Vick nor Tomlinson will have overwhelming numbers, with the nod going to LaDainian for sheer volume of carries. In my opinion, this contest comes down to Antonio Gates and Alge Crumpler, who have both thus far shown themselves to be among the elite NFL tight ends.

2) In my opinion the importance of turnover ratio always outweighs the importance of timeout conservation. So when it comes to timeouts, I say waste away, don't waste a play. The Chargers DBs have shown that they can be thrown on, that much is for sure. But they have also shown a knack for being in the right place at the right time at least a couple times a game. That coupled with the fact that Vick has looked shakey and uncomfortable so far in the west coast offense, leads me to give the nod to the bolts on this one.

3) Have to agree about the commercial interruptions, but the owners do have to get their TV money. At least we'll be able to watch, what should be an exciting contest, from the comfort of our usual barstools.

4) I addressed this for the most part in #1, but I should expand a little. Michael Vick is becoming less and less of a threat to run, as the coaching staff tries to put the shackles on him in what I suppose is a bid to extend his career. It baffles me when teams do this. You draft a guy for the things he does that make him transcendent, and then you try to break him of those very habits. They need to let this caged Falcon fly. Let's hope they don't figure it out until next week.

5) This one is a toss up. I think the Bolts will limit Brees to short patterns in order to keep Kerney from getting his licks in. This is fine cause we know Brees doesn't have much of a cannon anyway. He could end up with another good stat day with dump offs to Tomlinson and short outs to Gates. Vick will have more time, and will rack up some yards (Look for Peerless Price to have a bit of a breakout). Vick's arm is a howitzer, though, and could get him into trouble. Look for those opportunistic Charger DBs to make some of those right place, right time plays.

6) I was there last time, so I'll take the over. It had to be close to 5 hours. That's a true testament to your diligence as a Charger fan.

In closing, you eat boogers.

Thursday, October 14, 2004

Quick Hits for the A.M. Blitz

It's that time again, time for the Quick Hits:

1) Prop Bet: More Rushing Yards:The one and only "Saddle 'im up, Ride 'im to Victry" LaDanian Tomlinson or "the ever dancin', always prancin', wouldn't trade our hoss for you now or then" Mike Vick.

2) Prop Bet #2: Atlanta turnovers versus Charger timeouts that Mr. (For Now) Skipper Drew "I am in a contract year with a team that doesn't trust me farther than I can throw a football" Brees burns like an east county neighborhood.

3) No ticket dilemmas this week. None ticket dilemmas. You may now return to your regularly scheduled breakfast and t.v. sittin' area for some good ol' Charger football wedged between 943,687 CBS commercials. I can't wait for this routine once again, commercial, kickoff, commercial. Nice pattern from Ratherland, wait for it and watch. It'll drive you nuts too.

4) Somebody is going to have to contain their "Quartering Back". Is it Igor or is it one member of the linebacking corps? Oh, and he is the "Quartering Back" because I am not quite sure on which side he falls more, Quarterback or Running Back. And so on that note...

5) Prop Bet#3: More (Less) Accurate Quarter(ing)back of the day. Skipper(for now) or the aforementioned pick we traded away that I wouldn't want back if it came wrapped in a piece of paper that would guarantee a Lombardi trophy. No sir. That pick has a case of disease that we didn't need. You're my Boy Hoss.

6) Last One for now: 4.0 is the Over/Under on the hours my arm(s) stay pointed skyward in tribute to the "BEST. TEAM. EVVVVERRRRR!"

I await your most respected response...

The Long and Shoulder of it Part II

And so it was. Off to the outrageous zones (read: lines) to keep the Big Jack Murphy terrorist free. At some point and I am not quite sure when, the giant foam finger that proclaimed our entire group’s love for the Bolts shot straight towards the sky. And it vowed vehemently to remain there until the Bolts achieved Charger victory, or until said shoulder cried out for mercy. To everyone’s delight, that moment of exaltation came far later than did the shoulders (now plural) cries for mercy. Good God, am I going to be able to move my arms tomorrow. It became my new quest….

Far be it for me to be the arrogant type, but this thing was over nearly before the first ultra-light, ultra-cold, yet ultra-premium priced beer was sent on its way to bellyland. We arrived to the sights of the first Bolt touchdown and traditional cannon blast that sends the opponents to the locker room for an obligatory safety wipe. Before I could even react to the upset that was in the making, touchdown number two paved the way for the celebrations to begin, and the rotator cuff surgery became more of a reality every moment. That fuzzy foam hand had never seen the constant altitudes it achieved on Sunday. With every passing moment it gained strength and height and proclaimed louder than all the voices in the not so sold out stadium that this was our day and we would not be denied. Switching arms now, again.

This ritual lasted hours, and hours, and hours. Through the entire first half. Through the halftime Hall of Chargers ceremonies. Through Air Don’s speech, and Donnie M’s, and Big Eddie’s, that foam finger waved proudly in the air like a Fouts bomb to J.J. Oh man does that hurt. Switch. Again.

Third quarter, still waving proudly. Then through Jesse Chapman deciding he was a one man drive. Two plays, seventy-two yards, through the extra point and cannon blast. The finger waved high. Again, switch.

It was received by all the Bolt lovers around, no words needed be exchanged, for my arm(s) that held the finger up proudly for all to see did not go unnoticed. Those around just raised their arms as well, knowing that we were witnessing the overachievement of our beloved Bolts. Switch. Switch. Switch.

Through the end it stayed high, through the adventurous drive home it waved high, through dinner and celebratory drinks it remained high. Truly a symbol of our victory, like the Statue of Liberty it pointed at the sky.

It’s Thursday, and I still can’t raise my arms above my head. My quest, one of the stupidest I have ever undertaken lasted for about 11 hours. Give or take some bathroom runs. I wouldn’t change it for the world. But I will pour gasoline over my head and go play in an east county arson festival before I try it again. Thanks Bolts.

Of course you all know that because it worked, it will be recreated this Sunday vs. Atlanta. Ow. SWITCH!

Now for some bitching.

All right you farging media ice holes, what gives? I've been combing the sports pages, web sites, etc. lately, and I'm more than a little off, as it were. A fun little thing that a lot of these paid sports jag-offs like to do, is rank teams every week. I actually tend to enjoy reading these rankings, as they are often accompanied by clever little quips about each team and their recent performance or some such nonsense. I also realize that these are merely opinions, expressed by people who are just as, if not more, prone to mistake as myself. But, seriously, nearly every single one I've read has ALL THREE teams the Chargers have defeated, ranked higher than said Chargers. Come on!

So how does one luck into one of these paying sports writing gigs? I can't imagine these people are dripping with scholastic experience. And it's not as if they're making the most spectacular observations the sporting world has ever witnessed. I mean, I could go on about how the vaGiants and the Penningtons are of to a surprising 8-1 start collectively. Or how the Patsies employ an all for one and one for all style of football that no one seems to be able to decipher and prepare for. Where do I send my stinking resume?

Back to those rankings now. I realize this team could be back in the doghouse in two weeks, but give us our moment in the sun. Show some love for the "little team that could for a while". You can still write about how Mike Martz is bad at managing the clock, Dick Vermeil cries a lot and Terrell Owens is a loudmouth jerk who's happy to be away from Jeff Garcia, but check your facts. San Diego did not slip into the Pacific circa 1996. We're still here, and like the Tooth Fairy, we got feelings too, damn it!

Charger Love.

Sometimes it's best to expect the worst and be pleasantly surprised. Sure, it doesn't take a great deal of commitment, but guys are supposed to be afraid of commitment. Sunday, vs. the vaunted Jaguars, Our San Diego Chargers sent a clear and concise message to the NFL. "Do not...fuck with us." Pardon my french.

For the second straight week, Drew Brees looked like the second coming of Stan Humphries (I'd say Fouts, but that's blasphemy, and Fouts would have thrown for twice the yardage anyway). I don't know where he's getting his spinach, but please Drew, don't change brands. Or your underwear. Or your socks, just to be safe.

More importantly, it turns out we might actually have a guy who can hold down the fort if- and God forbid- "Super Running Back Extraordinare" (I'm still trying out nicknames. Is this one too ostentatious?) goes down for any amount of time. I mean "The Most Luminous NFL Entity Ever to Take the Field" wasn't exactly running all over the place against the Jags, and here comes "The Guy Who Backs Up the Most Amazing Force to be Reckoned With. Ever", who goes ahead and racks up over a hundred yards and his first regular season NFL touchdown.

Stop it, Chargers! You're supposed to be whipping boys, remember? I know I've tried to remind you plenty of times. For that I apologize, and will gladly offer to take any kind of brutal ass-kicking you all would like to dole out. So come on by. It's me, that one jerk-off from that one reality TV show. Pick any one.

In closing, I'd just like to say, I never doubted my beloved bolts for a second. Bring on the Falcons. Bring on anybody. Hell, get the 94 Niners back together, payback is a bitch!

Wednesday, October 13, 2004

The Long and Shoulder of It...

So, Sunday began with a trip to the parking trap at the Qualcomm. Arrival was a few hours before game time, fully stocked with the appropriate rations and beverages. Upon arrival, the grills were fired and sizzling and the relative mayhem began.

Lots and lots of positive Chargerisms here, flags, tee's, jersey's (some good, some bad). There was definitely a feeling of Charger love in the tailgating zones. There were some random "Iggles" jersey sightings, obviously the one guy in the T.O. jersey had not been practicing the aforementioned's latest end zone celebration. The "Vikes" fans next to us were decked out in Chris Carter attire, still living the legend that was the 90's. Then there was the guy in the "ReLeaf" pot T-Shirt, complete with the bust's number 16 emblazened across the back, flagged with a huge green pot leaf. What?!? I still don't get it, but that can wait 'till later. Oh, why not, let's visit this now.

I had in my possession a football just begging to be thrown, but with so many indulging in the grillin' delights, I had me no one for throwin' practice. Out of nowhere, the Leaf Pot guy throws up his arm and runs a rounded off corner route, of course without hesitation I hit him in stride. The pig winds up back in my arms and he starts the same corner route again. I of course launch one down the parking trap, but this time I am less than my usual accurate self and the pig is drifting towards a small pickup. Right before I turn away disgusted at my innaccuracy, I see Pot Guy, go diving head long into a row of cars and splashing, no, splattering down on the hood of said pickup. I couldn't believe what was happening right before my eyes. Needless to say there was some "significant" denting (about the size of a kneecap) in the little ride and the owners were ready to blame the quarterback. The quarterback responded with something along the lines of, "Maybe the football would have dented the car, maybe not. But I am relatively sure that the guy that did the belly flop on the hood was mildly responsible." The two car owners requested the necessary police presence to decide the situation. I actually listened to the conversations the car owners and the Pot Guy had with the police, and my role was decided when neither could speak coherently to the officers due to their respective levels of intoxication. I concluded my role with a resounding, "I can't believe you are involving me in this, you both sound like you have a handful of fuzzy mice in your mouth." Both parties, equally sauced on alcohol and marijauana let the quarterback off the hook and he was on his way to the game unscathed.

Off to the game and thanks to my cohort here, my foam finger clad arm was raised at this point and wouldn't be lowered until the celebration ended... the story of the game to follow...

Friday, October 08, 2004

Okay, Okay...

All right, I got it, you are frustrated with the media discussions about our team. What do the "journalists" over at that rag know about football anyway. Our offensive line is definitely improved, as is the defensive line. Big problem is they are both about as consistent as the San Andreas or a sleepover at the Neverland Ranch, oh, wait, that's pretty consistent.

My goal was to go fish and find out if we have a ding dong's chance at a Fat Camp against Jacksonville this weekend. My gut says yes, my random thought producer for the sake of argument we will call a brain says, eh?. I want to believe we can win, I really, really do. But even those two remaining brain cells that fight for control of my gray matter won't let me. But let it be known, I will be there, I will be loud, and I will be cheering for Gilligan and the rest of the castaways. If that doesn't work, then I will find the longest beer line there is and swear my allegiance to.... who do the Raiders play? Indianapolis. Damn, can't root for them either. Ah, who cares, I'll figure it out before I get to the front of the line. They should have a vendor selling adult pops while we are in line for adult pops. Why do they leave it up to me to think of these things, that would be sweet...

Really going out on a limb there, ready to pony up for tickets if we have a pretty win. No danger of that ever happening. Last week's win was the prettiest I have seen in some time. Ticker watching can't ever resemble bad football, can it?

Prediction: Fred Taylor goes for 137 and two touchdowns. Or his groin blows like Mt. St. Helens, yet again. I think that would be about the 813th groin pull for him. Odds on this: 1 to 1.
As always, you can take the groin...

Let's put a stop to this.

Now, we could go back and forth on this for days, and we have. I could come back and say how I couldn't care less about whether the Spani pony up cash for tickets, because nobody wants to see CBS call up the broadcasting developmental squad to heap praise upon the fortitude of the Jacksonville defense anyway. I could admit that I confused Andre Coleman with that one towel boy who disgraced the perspiration management profession with his astounding lack of hustle. You know that kid, right? But let's get down to the real business at hand.

The San Diego sports media has spent the week spewing grandiose acknowledgement of the performance of the Chargers offensive line this week. That can only mean one thing. 67 yards of total offense.

The writers are also quite fond of comparing our rushing defense to the run-stopping Chargers of the past (Tell it to Dominick Davis and Curtis Martin). This will lead nicely into Inside the NFL's feature story on Fred Taylor's career day.

Now, honestly, I hope I am wrong. As proof of my sincerity, I promise that if the Bolts pull another win out this Sunday, no matter how ugly, I will gush Charger love during the early half of next week. Hell, if it's pretty, I may pony up the duckets for the next home game sellout. Deal?

Until then, I'll see you at the game, my faithful sidekick!

Weekend Stylings...

Final thoughts for me, good, I love the last word...

1 & 2) Full stadium? Close, but still no t.v. for you. I know that it would kill them to pick up the slack for us for a mere few thousand tickets. This is an opportunity to really build momentum for the team and the city. If this group can get it together, eliminate mistakes and beat a suspect Jacksonville offense, at 3 and 2, the Bolts would seriously be exceeding expectations and might sell out a game. The Spanos' should use this as their one and only opportunity to promote this team, if it backfires so be it. And while were at it, is the plural for Spanos in the same category of the plural for Guiness? What, Guinnesses, Guinni, Guiness? Does anyone else think about these things or is it just me? Spanos', Spanoses, Spano':jx$, how my head hasn't exploded into confetti yet baffles me.

3) Hoss works. Not so sure about the whole "OOH" nickname. I am open to suggestions here. For now I will use, "Hey, that's Hoss, THE BEST RUNNING BACK IN THE LEAGUE!"

4) MMMMM.... Pom Poms, oh, and those shiny little shaky things they hold on to also.

5) Say what you want to about the Babe, but don't cut on the little Andre that could. That guy was an integral part of the only super bowl team ever. Concentrate your efforts on Jermaine Fazande. Jerome? No, it's Jermaine, Jermaine Jackson! What the hell are you talking about? Thanks
  • Mr. Regan
  • . Funny every time.

    6) The Titans are in utter disaray. One win, and a loss to the Bolts. Chris Brown is good, how good, I don't know yet. But Eddie had that chemistry/leader role down. Losing that can be a big deal sometimes. I smell another most overrated for the season bet... by the way how is that Seatlle bet from last year treatin' ya?! Heh.

    7) I don't know what you are talking about, I don't drink. I thought we were having bible study, Hawaiian Punch and cookies, while we prayed to the Lord God above for a safe game first, and then victory. Hallelujah!

    8) Push. O.K. we push. The Raiders are like the Michael Jackson of football. They love to play rough with you, but they will never beat you.

    Forty Eight-ish hours until total Bolt domination. Can we actually win this game or have my hopes once again been hanging out with Ricky Williams and Wanda Sykes?

    Thursday, October 07, 2004

    Right Back at Ya, Sister!

    I'm assuming you are wanting a rebuttal? Well then, so be it.

    1) Well, its closer than we've been so far this season, so at least the stadium should be pretty packed by Sunday. Mmmmm. Long beer and bathroom lines. I can't wait. BTW, don't forget to bring cash. I expect some side bets, and there are only 2 frickin' ATM machines in the whole of Qualcomm stadium. Beautiful.

    2) For now, maybe all but the die-hards are better off not seeing this thing. I have a bad feeling this could be ugly. Either way, let's string a few together before we get down on the working man. As far as ownership picking up the slack...Are you frickin' serious?! The Spanoses still own this team, don't they?

    3) My neighbor calls him "Hoss," but he calls everybody "Hoss." I prefer, "O.O.H." ( Our Only Hope)

    4) Who cares? I'll be watching the Mary Anns and Gingers shaking their Pom-poms on the sidelines.

    5) Why not Babe Laufemburg and Andre Coleman while you're at it? I don't have time to list them all.

    6) I'll admit, Jevon Kearse always was good for a 4 game all-pro season. I'll take Carlos Hall. And are you seriously trying to say you'd take Eddie George over Chris Brown. Hmm. Maybe you know something that I don't know but I'd take He Hate Me to start over George right now. The Titans are held together with duct tape and string due to key injuries and poor cap management. I don't mind being the lucky beneficiaries. Still, I wouldn't count that team out just yet.

    7) Are you talking about cold ones between you and I? If so, I'd say that gives the squad about 30 or so turnovers to give. I don't know, the Jags sport an awful tight D.

    8) Umm...I hate the Raiders more than you?

    Is anybody keepin' score here?

    Quick Hits

    O.K. some quick hits here for all to see and ponder. I can hear those brain cells festering now like a ping pong ball in a tin bowl:

    1) Eighteen Thousand tickets need to be sold by 1:15 p.m. today in order for the mass viewing audience to, well, view the game on their respective idiot boxes. Read that again while I go douse my head in gasoline and look for a match.

    2) In order to sell said tickets, why wouldn't management, who is so obviously committed to winning, buy up the remaining tickets so the mass viewing audience can watch our "New L.T" (not a coke head) run wild, possibly generating future ticket sales. Just a thought, try it once or twice, wouldn't bankrupt the organization. I hear this happens in other awful footballing cities, someplace comes to mind, what's that guy's name... Starts with Daniel, ends with something that rhymes with a "One Day at a Time" sitcom character's name...?

    3) LaDanian needs a new nickname. Now. I got it, we can call him, "The Best Running Back in Football".

    4) Who is going to show up this week, The almighty Skipper, or the ever popular "We are really rooting for you to do well" Gilligan. Can David Wells play quarterback?

    5) How can we have forgotten about the respective performances of Jim Everett and Mikhelalael (sp?) Ricks?

    6) Do the Titans miss Jevon Kearse and Eddie George at all?

    7) Prop Bet: Will be the number of cool ones consumed at the Murph this Sunday eclipse the number of Charger turnovers? If yes, I predict a Bolt victory. Keep an eye on the INT. numbers this week.

    8) Scoreboard Watching, Indianapolis against the "Just Win Babies". That will be good for a laugh with "Tom" Collins at the helm. There will be no reverse jinx here, Indy should whip them good.

    Whether this a good thing or just plain self-torturing stupidity, I and my co-imitation author will be sitting ringside for this one. I can't wait to utilize the Murph's cupholders.

    Wednesday, October 06, 2004

    Big Fat Rant.

    So I hate for this to become a big venting festival for me and my illustrious cohort. A forum where we can voice our personal dissatisfaction towards the shortcomings of a team I know we truly love. I would be delighted to rain down literary love upon all things Charger, but…there is just too much fodder for that particular cannon. In the immortal words of Marc Anthony, “The good that men do is oft interred with their bones, while the evil lives after them.” Oh what evil this organization has bestowed upon us. Be it through greed, hubris or just plain ineptitude, when will this reign of suffering end?

    What point am I trying to make? Do I even have a point? Sure. Why not? So here it is. The talking sports heads of this town have a tough job. Obviously, it is in their best interests to speak at least somewhat highly of the team that gives them about 50% of their daily content and probably even more of their salary. But at what expense? To look foolish? To appear ignorant? Where am I going with this? Oh, right… A couple of our local sports guys- who, I admit, I tend to find rather entertaining- spent the entire morning speaking with incredulity at the fact that our beloved Chargers are unable to sell out Qualcomm stadium. After a win and everything! An impressive win I am told. Against an impressive team. Mm hmm. I’ll get back to that. The problem is that I’m being told how impressive this was by a bunch of people, who, like me, didn’t see the game. This brings us back to sellouts blackouts, and what have you. On the one hand, you could argue that I just made a point against myself by admitting no one went to this game, so nobody saw it, but I’ve always been kind of a hypocrite so stuff it. I intend to focus on why nobody went to this game, and why no one is going to the next one or the one after that, etc…

    It has been nearly a decade since this team put a winning product on the field. A decade is, like ten years. In that time we, the fans, have been subjected to the likes of Kevin Gilbride, Craig Whelihan, and Brian Still. I know I’m leaving some people out but I’ll Leaf that alone for now. In that time, we’ve watched this franchise turn its back on such hometown icons as Junior Seau, Rodney Harrison and John Carney. I haven’t forgotten Parrella, Hand or the others, but I’m afraid I’m getting a little long winded here. After all of that, we are supposed to fill the stadium? After a dubiously impressive performance against a crippled giant? Forgive me a moment while I elaborate. I realize that our transcendental halfback, the incomparable LaDainian Tomlinson, did nothing short of putting up another copious stat line against a foe that traditionally feasts on running backs. From the bottom of my heart, I thank “the new LT” for helping us shed the ghosts of Aaron Hayden and Leonard Russell among others. Tomlinson may be the only thing on the field worth paying full ticket price to see. My problem lies with the current praise being heaped upon our defense and our less than consistent field general, Drew Brees.

    The defense was definitely able to force some things, and was, without a doubt, as impressive as it’s been so far. This is exactly what should happen when you are lucky enough to miss the opponent’s uber tough guy, MVP quarterback. Kudos to them for doing the right thing, but don’t be fooled, this unit is still holier than the Vatican. Don’t be too surprised to see the Jags pull out of their offensive doldrums this weekend. The Chargers history is riddled with instances of getting underachievers back on track. Can anyone say Gus Frerotte?

    Drew had a great game. That is, if you disregard the fact that 58 of his 210 yards came on an amazing catch and run by Reche Caldwell, that Brees admitted he was trying to throw away. Not exactly the kind of thing I’d be confiding to the media if my head were on the chopping block, but I guess you have to admire the guy for his candor. Maybe we can get him a job in the public relations department.

    My point is this, talking sports heads of San Diego. Do I appreciate the win last week? Of course I do. Will I be in the stands this weekend? Yes I will, cheering the blue and gold until the end. This team may have a long road ahead of them, but I’ve invested too much time and alienated too many friends to give up on them myself. But, instead of calling out the rest of the city for choosing not to pay too much for too little return, let this team build even a short tradition of winning. Let them give us that before you trot out the tired old excuses like the beach, Sea World, big screen TVs, hover cars…whatever it is you claim is so distracting to the citizens of America’s Finest City. We have proven in the past, during rare opportunities, that we will support, en mass, a quality product. If they build it, we will come. In every way which that implies.

    It's None of the Above

    Abysmal team in an abysmal division. That's what we are. Full of potential, yes. Full of steaming piles of cow flop, yes. Full of a bad system, yes. Full of a marginal at best multiple personality (as pointed out) quarterback, yes. Full of weaknesses, well, sort of.

    This is about as fifty fifty as I have ever been on the Chargers. Everyone keeps reporting how bad we are at every position. I can see some of the rationale there, in the last few years we have seen some all time epic win totals for the season. What, something like thirteen wins in the last three years prior to 2004? A quarterback that looks like a potential pro-bowler one week, and the next like a former quarterback that reminded me of foliage. That being said, our glaring weaknesses are sometimes not as bad as the doomsdayers would like us to believe. We have been pelted for nine months now that our offensive line, defensive line, linebackers, and secondary are near the bottom of every statistical category in the league. After four games I can safely say that we don't look as bad as some have suggested. I have seen the defensive line play like an above average group, getting pressure, controlling but not completely stopping the run. The secondary shows signs of coming together, then allows forty yard touchdown passes on fourth downs in Denver. The receiving core, well, what receivers? These guys are an after thought for every "analyst" around. Tell that to whoever was covering Reche Caldwell on Sunday afternoon. These guys have proven that they will catch the ball when it is thrown their way, sometimes they might even make a big play.

    Our most glaring and disturbing issue is at the helm of the little boat that could. The previously mentioned Dr. Drew/Hyde Brees, or something. When not throwing picks or being saddled like a pony with indecision, we have a strong Skipper at the wheel. Then there are the throwing errors. Instead of a strong Skipper, sometimes we see Gilligan. As evidenced in the Denver game. A game that was a fifty yard overthrown touchdown pass and a bad special teams penalty away from being a win instead of a ten point loss. Quarterbacks don't necessarily need strong arms, Drew has shown that. But if a ten year old girl can throw the ball further down field than you, accuracy is of the utmost importance. That's how Dr. Drew sold himself, "I can't throw it far, but I am darned accurate" or something like that. From what I have seen during Mr. Brees' tenure, his accuracy is fleeting. I have said it enough times that I should have it tattooed on my forehead, "Professional quarterbacks can't make throwing errors." Period.

    That being said, are we an eight win team? Potentially, with the "abysmal" state of our division. Can we be competitive outside the division? Our success lies not with the best player in football who we all know belongs to us (Ladanian Tomlinson(not L.T., who was a coke head) in case you forgot) but in our Skipper. When he is the Skipper so go the Chargers, and those times he is Gilligan, well, hello first round draft pick once again, I missed you so. But for now, as has been said, "Best. Team. Ever." (Note: Except for Houston who whipped the "Just win Babies" last week.)

    Tuesday, October 05, 2004

    So which is it?

    Are we one of the better, awful teams in an abysmal division? Are we a group of surly young up and comers, poised to uproot the hopes and dreams of our competitors on any given Sunday? Your guess is as good as mine. On one side of the ball, I'm seeing the usual dominance of LaDainian, the continued rise of Antonio Gates and the possible arrival of Reche Caldwell (took you long enough). On the other side...I have no frickin' idea. Um...Donnie Edwards is good, isn't he?

    But the real question on everyone's mind: Will Dr. Brees or Drew Hyde show up for the game? It seems that our (less and less) young quarterback tends to rely on job security to motivate him on Sunday. So I wonder, can we line up split backs, with Rivers next to Tomlinson behind Brees? I imagine that would lend the requisite amount of gravity to each and every play?

    Aw hell, what does it matter anyway? We're on our way to what Charger management and coaching predicted already. A whopping 8 wins! And as all of our glorious San Diego professional sports franchises are fond of reminding us, it's meeting expectations that's important, not exceeding them.

    I'm not bitter. I still love em'. Best. Team. Ever. Bring on the filthy Jags!