Sunday, December 13, 2009


Rumor has it, and by rumor has it I mean Max told me this tidbit of the juicyness last night, that Billy Corgan of the Smashing Pumpkins is now smashing the pumpkins of one Jessica Simpson. Really? Billy Corgan? The last "high profile" piece of tail I can remember Billy getting down with was one heroin addled Courtney Love post Cobain suicide version. She looked like an anorexic skeleton in a zip off crack whore costume. He even got her after that little fairy from R.E.M. Stipe got done wiping his junk on her. Congrats Billy Corgan for taking a significant step upwards in your boy pants.

Significance? Well, as you may or may not know, one SupertitsMcGee Simpson used to go out with the quarterback of our main foe today. The one who has massacred his December resume according to all the media sources I've consulted must be slightly disappointed that his ex-conquest is now trading bodily fluids with the lead singer of a long defunct band. I think he can even appreciate Gish, but everything after that pales in comparison for sure.

I am scared of the Cowgirls. I mean I really am. Max has tried to convince me otherwise but I think that feeling permeates the locker room. The last time out we got it handed to us, albeit with Gates serving out his well deserved suspension for being the greatest tight end to ever hold out of training camp. Did I thank A.J. for that again yet? No? Okay, thanks for that again A.J. Nothing like breeding a culture of fear against an opponent within my head that most assuredly permeates the locker room.

Given my druthers, we stomp the piss out of this lie of a football team today and send old Reauxmeaux home with nary a head injury so that he still has to visualize his old girlfriend with Billy Corgan cock deep inside all her orifices.

That being said, Go Bolts. In an abbreviated rant this week, fuck Rush the band. Stupid Canadians. By no means am I insulting all Canadians right to their faces, as far as you know, but that band can eat a dick.

Bolts 28 Cowgirls 24.

Friday, December 11, 2009

Well Said, Ross Tucker!

Ross Tucker over at referred to the San Diego offense as "Philip Rivers and his band of human mismatches." I think that is a pretty glorious moniker and I wholeheartedly approve. Let's spread this one around.

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Thursday Night Snoozefest Comin' At Ya!

The other day CJ was saying to me that Dallas worries him because the Chargers always seem to be intimidated by Dallas. I wasn't sure at the time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that not only was he right, but that in reality we are intimidated by pretty much every big persona team. Dallas, the Patriots-the 94 Niners! Teams with big time mythos backing them seem to scare the shit out of us. Look at this years Giants. That team is not the same team as the last couple of years, but they took us to the wire. Why? Probably because they have big time New York hype backing them. But all of those teams pale in comparison to the Pittsburgh Steelers. That team is grittier and more blue collar-y than we could ever hope to be and when we face off against them we don't stand a chance. Not since we had our own gritty, blue collar QB, the indomitable Stan Humphries, have we given the Steelers a proper challenge. This year they gave us our only truely sound beating so far this season. It wasn't even a competition. But look at these Steelers. They are not so good this year. No discernable offensive identity. Barely adequate coverage skills. This team lost to the Raiders, and while the Raiders look more like I expected them to this season after ejecting Jamarcus Russell from the starting QB position, they are still the Raiders. So tonight's match-up between the floundering Steelers and the suddenly spunky little engines that almost could Browns might actually prove to be an interesting match-up, but that doesn't make it right. Thursday Night football kind of sucks period if you ask me.

BTW, I don't really think we're scared of Dallas this year. Go Bolts!!!

Monday, December 07, 2009

Quick Thoughts

So, another win is another win, but we certainly let the lowly Browns hang around. A lot of people want to hang that on the defense, but LT had another statistically misleading day running up 80+ yards and a TD. Unfortunately, he also managed to average a paultry 3.2 yards per carry. Once again, this was against the Browns. Not a stellar club there. At some point we are going to have to find a way to eat some clock, and with three of our last four games against contending teams, I think it's going to have to be sooner rather than later.

It is getting really difficult for me to refrain from punching people who take our beating Indy for granted. Anybody who wants to run into that team in the playoffs is retarded.

Why did it seem like Andy Reid was trying to let Mike Vick have a little revenge against the city of Atlanta? For what? It's not like they ran him out of town. He went to fucking jail and broke everybody's heart for Christ's sake!!! Take those two TDs you ungrateful bastards! Wait, what?!

Anybody still wondering why Belichek decided not to go with his D against the Colts a few weeks back? How the mighty have fallen.

9-3 is nice but I guess Denver didn't get the message they were through, and now it looks like our "lowly" division could send two. This is getting interesting. Go Bolts!!!

Tuesday, December 01, 2009

Schoolin' Is Hard.

So there it is. Another glorious blowout of another division "rival." It heartens me to see us beat up on KC, a team that traditionally plays us tough no matter how shitty they are. I dare say this is the hottest we've been in quite some time. And with Cleveland coming up, it just gets better. Believe me, we need these confidence builders. We suddenly have 3 tough games on our schedule with the resurgence of the Titans. Speaking of the Titans and how it relates to us, do you think there's any way that Jamarcus Russell doesn't get at least one more chance to destroy the Raiders organization now that Vince Young has emerged from exile in Tennessee to become the NFL's big story right now? Is it racist for me to say that? I mean, I have no doubt that Al Davis believes they are related like the Manning brothers, if not that they are actually the same person. Hell, I'm not so sure they aren't brothers. Racist?

Let's size up those three contenders, from easiest to hardest, in my opinion:

Dallas- That's not a very good team, right? I mean, the whole NFC East has drastically fallen in terms of competetivity(?). Dallas has won a game 7-6 to the Redskins. Ergo, Dallas almost lost to the fucking Redskins. This year! Now, sure they got some weapons (that they appear to have no idea how to use). And yeah, that defense is technically sound. Unfortunately for Dallas, though, it's getting late in the season and that's when they tend to turn back into a pumpkin. A pumpkin filled with shit. Verdict: Not worried.

Cincinnati- I am positive I spelled that wrong and I don't care. Fuck Cincy and their gay little spelling joke on the rest of the world, I will call them Cincy! Do you suppose young poor alchoholic people in that town call Nati Ice, Cincinnati Ice? Anyway, throw this team in with Philly. The Chargers are not going to be afraid of any team that lost to the Raiders, regardless of whether Jamarcus Russell was playing or not. And the truth is, I think we put up points on any D right now, while the Bengals can't play from far behind. Seriously, the guy in my fantasy league with what should be the best team going might not make the playoffs because he has Carson Palmer for a QB. They do not let Carson Palmer throw the ball anymore. Yet he is still considered an elite type QB. Figure that shit out. Verdict: Not so worried.

Tennessee- Let's get one thing straight. Vince Young will not lead this team to 10 straight victories. That being said, Chris Johnson could. This team is hot. I think they can knock off the Colts, because the Colts let more people get on top of them early than your mom, and if the Titans get a lead, Chris Johnson is the means with which to protect it. As for our match-up, make no bones about it, there is no love lost between our two franchises. This will be our best primer for the postseason. Verdict: Can't wait!

Nice job by the Saints last night, but I still don't think they go undefeated. They have no problem getting it up for a big game like that (just like your dad at the disco-and I mean gay disco), but they can't seem to get it up for anybody else(mm-hmm). Of course, this may be wishful thinking. Too many of my fellow Chargers fans still get moist at the mention of Drew Brees. Hey, I got nothing against the guy, per se, but I think we did pretty well with the guy we chose. To hear a San Diego fan put Brees up with Manning and Brady with nary a mention of Rivers is insulting and like everything else in my life, drives me to drink.

One last thing for now. I am getting really tired of people blaming the O-line for the woes in our running game. They may not be the best run blocking line in the league, but believe me there are plenty of backs in the league (and at least one on the roster) that could put up solid numbers here. Sproles is too small to be effective regularly and the way we use him these days, no team is surprised when we hand him the ball. LT does not see the field or make cuts without a competent lead blocker. We don't have one, and therefore, we need a fresh set of eyes at that position. I LOVE LT. He is my favorite Charger ever. But it is over. 1 yard TDs only mask the problem. And now locals are already starting to call for his return next year. Sorry guys, but unless he agrees to a Gwynn-like salary he's gone. And to keep him in anything more than a back-up capacity would be a huge mistake. Sorry, I know it hurts, but schoolin' is hard. That's why I never finished college. Go Bolts!!!