Friday, February 08, 2008

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Moss II: Electric Boogaloo?

James Lofton goes to the Raiders. Big whoop. Interesting, though, that Jerry Porter is eligible for free agency. That would be an interesting pick-up. Talented Raiders WR who's played poorly for a couple of years for a piss poor organization? Sound familiar? He actually managed 6 TDs last season for that moribund offense of theirs. Yep, I totally just used the word "moribund." Count it.

And for those of you who take this blog as qualified reporting, I haven't entirely ruled out Chad Johnson, but it would take a frickin' miracle. We've got very little to trade in the way of draft picks, and the guy just becomes a bigger prick every day. Okay, we're totally not getting that guy, so just forget it.

I'd just like to see Cowboy Godfather have a little fun in free agency. Go Bolts!!!

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

Reaky? O-K!

Imagine my surprise in the fourth quarter of a game I didn't think I cared about when the realization struck me that I totally care a whole stinking bunch. Imagine my excitement when the Foxboro empire came crumbling down and went from the precipice of being the best team ever to the team that had old school Peyton Manning type meltdowns in the postseason in back-to-back years. Now, imagine some of the media stories that came after the fact which were no surprise at all.

1) Suddenly Tom Brady's little bootie was obviously a much bigger deal than we were all led to believe. In fact, some sports jerks went so far as to say that they had heard prior to the game from a reliable yet super secret inside source that the entire New England organization was completely hysterical over the possibility that Brady's foot could detach from the rest of his glorious body at any moment.

2) Eli Manning is one of the best QBs in the league. Seriously. Was there any doubt whatsoever? Sure, his regular season numbers were blah at best, but those only mattered when everybody was bitching about them back then when they were happening. Not now that he's a superstar. I really don't have anything against Eli Manning these days and he made some seriously gutsy plays last Sunday, but I'm certainly not happy about the media and the league cramming another Manning down my throat, as evidenced by a second straight Manning Super Bowl MVP award, neither of which were really all that deserved (of course, you could at least make a case for Eli, while Peyton wasn't even the best offensive player on his Super Bowl team).

3) Even though nearly every talking sports head in the world was duped into Pats by a landslide, they have all spent the last two days explaining to everyone why they were so stupid as to not see this coming. Eh, fuck it, I won money, and now CJ will never know for certain whether I would have welched on my bet. Fucking cocksucker, that one.

In closing, I'm already starting to see that we will be inundated with the vaGiants "beginning of a dynasty" bullshit and more fuel for the Boston-New York rivalry bofire, but I must remind those of you who are starting to regret rooting for the uppety little shitstains from the Big Brown Apple that if the Patriots had won that game we'd be hearing about their perfect season til the day we die (and perhaps beyond if you're not a heathen), whereas we'll only have to hear about the vaGiants for around ten months which is about when they'll be eliminated from making next year's postseason. Go Bolts!!!

Monday, February 04, 2008

All Good Things...

...must come to an end.

I'll have something to say about this game in the next day or two, so check back if you care what I think. You can probably guess, though.

Friday, February 01, 2008

What Super Bowl?

The years after the strike back in the eighties were bleak football years for me. Our scrubs had predictably outplayed our actual pros and we were in the middle of a long stretch of suckage with no end in sight. On top of that, I was a dumb teenager, hopped up on hormones and prepared to rebel against whatever pointless thing that made happy all the unthinking robot people who could never understand the depths of the universe in the same way I could. Fucking sheep! And so football was, for all intents and purposes, more or less dead to me until the point not too long after high school when I realized that not only was I no smarter than most, I was much more stupid than nearly all. Then Bobby Ross and Stan Humphries and Beathard before the feeblousity came along and saved us all, and I've never really looked back, preferring instead to believe that I, in fact, believed all along. So what does all this have to do with what's happening right now? I have never been so completely devoid of feeling toward football in my life as I am right now. Not during those dark ages mentioned above and not even in the womb. I would say that I desperately want both the New York Giants and The New Englands Patriots to lose, but since that is impossible, I guess I just don't care. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion.

Let's start with the vaGiants. Everybody in San Diego has some kind of misbegotten hatred for Eli Manning. Wow, get over it. Sure, it's natural to be spurned, but you also must realize that in other parts of the country, people honor their fathers and indeed look to them for guidance well into their 20s. So, fuck Archie Manning and not Eli. When you were in your early 20s, were you rocking good decisions left and right? And it's not like we had a lot to offer. Fuck off if you're trying to tell me you knew we'd go 12-4 that year. Bull. Shit. The best part is that, regardless of what the paid sports jerks are writing this week, most people (and just about everybody in San Diego) believe that we won in that deal bigtime, so what's with all the crying and whining. As for reasons to hate the vaGiants, you all can do better than that. Shockey and Plexyglass are both loudmouth jerks and the fans, Gawd, the fans are the second worst bunch of footballs cockbags on the planet.

Which brings us to the Pats. Talk about your shithole fans. My God, most of these people believe that the Patriots are 2001 expansion franchise. They are brash, in your face, in your community locusts that can not be stopped. And now they're on the cusp of perfection. I don't personally have anything against Tom Brady that falls outside the realm of blinding envy. And right up until I saw Junior wearing one of those stupid little newsboy caps that make people look like a really cool penis, I though it would be nice to see him get his jewelry. It's those fans though, that time and again turn me off. They call their quarterback Tom Terrific for Christ's sake. Just typing that made me break into a berzerker fury of air kicks and punches. If these fuckers go perfect, you might as well start following the Arsenal, cause football will suck for you in San Diego. Let's say the Bolts win the Super Bowl and you try to enjoy the moment in a random bar in San Diego. Good luck, as every Boston jerk-off in the bar has to remind you of their perfect season. Have a perfect season? They did it first, ya fackin' poseurs! Once perfection is achieved, what is the point? Sure, it's exhilarating still, but can anybody tell me off the top of their head who, besides Sir Edmund Hillary has ever peaked Everest?

I knows that it's fun to say the NFC is the AFC's little bitch and all, but it's time to put that and your hatred for Eli aside. You really have no logical choice but to root for the Giants this Sunday. Fuck history being made and fuck Tom Terrific! Besides, most Giants fans move to L.A. from New York, so you don't really have to hear too much about it. Hey, I guess I care more than I thought! Ahh, screw it, go plague!!!