Hef Can Afford To Bring All Of His Friends. I Wish I Was Hef's Friend.

So, I missed this gem of an article in the Union-Tribune yesterday. I missed it because I try to not really ever look at the U-T anymore, because it’s usually loaded with fluff and bullshit like, “A.J. Smith don’t take no guff,” and “Bruce Bochy doesn’t at all manage the Padres like they’re a little league team.” I wish I had read this article, though, because I could have used the ammo in some of the conversations I was having last night about why Sunday’s Charger game is likely to be blacked out locally. Of course, nobody was arguing with me, but I treat every conversation like a debate, which is why I’m such a joy to be around. Seriously, if you tell me my mother is an angel, I will probably try to point out why she may, in fact, be a whore. That’s just how I roll.

The gist of this particular piece of U-T tripe is about the how and the why of this weekend’s potential blackout. The U-T points out the ridiculous ticket packages that management makes people buy as a possible reason, but stops short of actually pointing any fingers. Chargers COO Jim Steeg theorizes that perhaps people believe the game is sold out. He is pretty sure that it has little to do with the absurd ticket packages or the price increase during the off-season. Seriously, he took the crack pipe out of his mouth long enough to actually say those things to the media. Sure, Jim. I know I had people coming up to me left and right yesterday saying, “I really want to go spend a shitload of money to see the Chargers beat up on the lowly, starless Titans this Sunday, but I have to assume that contest is sold out.”

Let’s break down what is going on here. THE CHARGERS WANT TO LEAVE TOWN! They want to leave town and make the most money they possibly can on the way out. They sell a bunch of preseason tickets at full price to people that want to see the team play a contender like the Steelers, but fail to sell out games against the league’s retards, like the Titans, so they are free to say this town doesn’t support the team. We are being fleeced, and in the end we will have nothing to show for it. They’ve priced out the regular fan. When it’s going to cost me $150 or more to enjoy a full day at the stadium, you can bet I’m not going to waste it watching the filthy Titans. And families? Forget about it. This team claims it can’t make money in San Diego, and I’m here to call bullshit. Bullshit to any organization that has strong-armed it’s hometown into purchasing a state of the art stadium. I hope you all know this, but in case you don’t:

With the very rare exception of teams like the Montreal Expos or the Tampa Bay Devil Rays, professional teams make a shitload of money for their owners!!

They may not make mad money as far as operating costs versus ticket revenue (although they probably do), but there are a hundred other ways they make money by owning a team. These are business men. They did not make enough money to own sports teams so they could lose all that money.

Be all that as it may, I intend to find one of those guys outside the stadium who always claim to need tickets, but are willing to sell the ones they already have. I’m going to try to get one for around $50. I will then take the $30 I saved and change it out to quarters. Then I will take my baseball sized wad of quarters and, using the tomato can rocket launcher I built when I was 9, I will fire it through the owner’s box window and see if I can’t wing me a Spanos. Greedy bastards! Quit screwing with my true love!

On another note. As we are on the subject of greed, I must apologize. I have a bit of a hangover, and my favorite hangover game is introspection. During this morning of self revelation I realized that I judged the coaching in Monday night’s game perhaps too harshly. It may have been a bit boring to watch The Best Ever run repeatedly into nine guys during the third quarter of that game, but who am I to judge a performance that netted my team a 27-0 win? A fool, that’s who. Hurray to the Chargers players and coaches for a game well fought and won! Hurray for many more to come! Go Bolts!!!