Wednesday, June 27, 2007

The State of the Union...

After a prolonged hiatus filled with frustration, I'm back. It's time for the 'State of the Union' address here at the homefront. Since it's been a while and I know you've missed it.... it's Bullet Point Time!

* Entering today, the punchless Padres were a half game out of the top spot in the division. Friday marks the return of 'Dinosaur 24', bum knee be damned, he's back. What is he bringing back to the punchless offense of ours? .276, 1 (!) home run, 12 RBI. According to the Lord Sith powers that be, we'll have a better handle on the offense upon his return. I for one, cannot fucking wait.

* Michael Barrett has brought his incredible punching prowess to San Diego. People have been critical of his defensive abilities. After witnessing a few games of his in our home unis, I'm of no remorse to say, the guy can throw. Can't call a game worth a shit, I've seen it in person, but, let's look at the positives here: He can throw, and punch like a champ. I'll take it. Sarcasm is a bitch.

* Scott Linebrink has done his best to devalue himself on the open market over the last three games entering today's contest to ensure his long term future here in our town. I'm sure he loves the weather, but that Sunday to Tuesday run of his was one for the fucking ages. Thanks Scott, you used to be worth an outfielder, one with excessive speed (Carl Crawford) or one with exceptional power (fill in the blank), yet now you have reduced yourself to a corner bat boy and cash considerations. Thanks man. Please report to the coach's office to turn in your hat. Go sit in the corner, you're about as valuable as a feather paperweight to me right now.

* For those of you keeping track, and I know there are at least two of you, the footballing squad is still quite dead to me. I'm waiting for the resurrection, but I'm sure ol' Norvy is anxiously awaiting taking direction from Darth Smith directly into the headphones during the pending games. Oh, and there's that whole stadium and quite mobile team issue still stinking up the table. I'm sure ol' Sunroad will concede to the walking lawsuit Mr. Aguirre at any moment... what? That actually happened? Dammit. I'm sure I'm next on the docket for Deputy Sue Happy any minute now... great. Time to hide the guns I guess.

* Contrary to popular belief, the Red Sox fans were quite cordial this past weekend. If by cordial you mean, absolute fucktards, albeit with an apologetic tone after shitting on our town. And to the guy that was from Clairmont, donning his freshly unwrapped McBastard Town jersey, eat shit pal. I couldn't care less if you ignored the Padres growing up for the Red Jerx, there's no excuse for your existence in this town. Quietly pack up your shit and get out. You are useless here. Eat mule balls and put it on youtube.

* Switching to the positive gear, no one on the above mentioned footballing squad has been arrested or caught ingesting (accidentally, of course) illegal substances. There is still some time until training camp so I'm still holding out hope.

* To all of the media types (yes, I'm still harping on Canepa) who think that the Padres have turned the corner and that last weekend's series against the Bastards from Beantown was a 'World Series' preview..... .....

..... sorry, got stuck with uncontrollable laughter there... the Friars might want to prove they can win a first round playoff series before we start whipping it out and yanking it over the thought of the World Series. I'd rather think about something else. So I give you, Miss Megan Fox... Thanks, I'll be back soon.

... try not to care that she's currently letting David Silver of the 90210 years touch her naughty crumbs.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Huh. Weird.

You know how there are things you don't think you need or even want until you have them? Like, one year my aunt sent me one of those Sharper Image hotdog and bun toasters and I totally thought what a goofy contraption that I'll never need or use. How could I have known how wrong I was? Well, maybe the following will turn out the same, but I just can't see how.

I just can't figure out how some dorky wiggah is ever going to make me happy with an embarassing rap video about my team. I guess it's kind of cool if you turn the sound down, but as it is I can feel my disappointment turn to disgust. And when that happens, CJ has truly won. Go Bolts!!!?

Wednesday, June 06, 2007