Nurses, I Have A Fever In My Pants.

I have been sick and quite possibly in need of medical attention for the last couple of days so I decided not to post and I have been pleasantly surprised by the quality content that has shown up in my stead. At this point, however it's time for me to put up or shut up. Sorry if my following thoughts come out as fever-addled gibberish rather than the gospel you're all used to. Also, sorry to start off with the Padres, but they're on my mind.

So, San Diego managed to avoid laying a complete egg in the post-season (We took it to four, Cards! In your face!)while still managing to look abominable. The pitching was solid enough, as we knew it would be, but the batting was even worse than we could have imagined. I honestly fear we will sign Klesko to another extension with a no trade clause. Just kidding, sort of. Well, here we are, just a few days into our off-season and the rumor mill is already cranking out quality scoop. Here are the two biggest whisper-shouts going if you're a Padres fan. The hapless Cubs want Bochy in the worst way and the Padres are seriously considering taking a shot at A-Rod. First off, I would be amazed if this A-Rod thing came to fruition without the fans actually passing a hat around, cause you know the organization won't pick up that salary no matter how much money is coming off the books this year. That's just bad businees, people. Second, the only way the A-Rod thing works is if the first rumor comes to be as well. Can't you just imagine Bochy sitting A-Rod every third day and against left-handed pitchers? The San Diego sports collective's head would implode. Then explode.

I'm sorry I keep swatting Daunte Culpepper with this riding crop here, but does anyone in the world believe he sat on Sunday as a result of an injury? I know every major sports writer in the country has mentioned this already, but the difference between me and them is that I said Culpepper would suck all along, whereas most of them had him representing the AFC in the Superbowl. Send me your paychecks, retards!

Laurence Maroney rushed for 39 yards on Sunday against the crappy Dolphins, proving once and for all that Bill Belichek hates fantasy football just as much as Mike Shanahan. Shanahan still hates the Raiders more, though, while Belichek has no redeeming qualities I can think of.

I don't know about Diego Jimbone's vaGiants fan buddy and his statistics supercollider that comes up with the world's most accurate Power Rankings. I just know what the (QUOTE) experts (UNQUOTE) say, and since I'm pretty sure getting paid makes their (QUOTE) analysis (UNQUOTE) more important than what some ass hat in a ShEli Manning jersey (just to piss off Charger fans, by the way) has to say. Sadly, the pros paint a much less Bolt-friendly picture. Dr. Z has us ranked 8th. 6th in the AFC. Pete Prisco, who hates the Chargers BTW (but much less without Drew Brees, who apparently once ran over Pete's dog), has us at 9, also 6th in the AFC. Seems like we're getting badly penalized for losing a game to the Ravens, who everyone pretty much agrees are about the best team to ever take the field in the NFL, besides the Bears of course, who are getting the most amazing class action suck job I've ever seen. More importantly in regards to the Chargers, though, is exactly the point that Jimbone made before. Everybody is pretty much on board with the whole Pittsburgh sucks thing, rather than the Chargers made them suck thing which I prefer. I'm afraid it's going to be like this all year. We got mad praise for being 9-7 with our schedule last year, and we are going to be completely overlooked when we go 13-3 agains our schedule this year. Hell, even Peter King has us ranked 6th, and he freaking loves the Bolts.

No matter, we'll get the love and respect we deserve when we move to L.A. This small market San Diego stuff is bullshit. It's not like we're one of the 10 largest cities in the country. Huh? Nevermind. Go Bolts!!!