My Outrageous Picks!

Yahoo! image search. Outrageous. Totally. Is she picking her crack?

So, last week the guys in my pick’em pool credited me the weekly entrance fee (I lost my ATM card), presumably based on the ridiculously poor accuracy of my weekly picks. So what do I do? I go 10-4 against the spread and take the pot. Suckers! Just kidding, guys, I got it covered this week. The funny thing is, my boy CJ tells me every year that the first three weeks are throwaways and nobody knows for sure what’s going to happen. Maybe I don’t give that cat enough credit. He does make a smooth call now and then.

Miami @ New England
Which Patriots team will show up this week? Your guess is as good as mine, but since they’re facing the Daunte Culpeppers, I’ll go ahead and guess this one.
Pats 27, Dolphins 13

Tampa Bay @ New Orleans
Is Tampa Bay even starting a QB this week? Are they going to snap directly to Cadillac? They were bad with Chris Simms, and they’re going to be even worse without, if you can believe that.
Saints 24, Bucs 10

Washington @ New York
If Santana Moss can catch three TDs against Jacksonville’s D, he should have about nine against that floundering vaGiants secondary.
Skins 30, vaGiants 27

Buffalo @ Chicago
Chicago’s giving ten?! I don’t know that there will be ten scored in this game.
Bears 13, Bill 10

St. Louis @ Green Bay
The Rams are another one of those teams that’s going to make me break out in hives all year, but I expect them to hammer another nail into Brett Favre’s coffin this week.
Rams 28, Packers 17

Cleveland @ Carolina
Carolina’s fired up now, but Cleveland just had an impressive comeback against..the Raiders?
Panthers 34, Browns 16

Tennessee @ Indy
You know you’ve hit bottom when you’re 18 point dogs. Even if it is against the Colts. Hey Vinny, Fisher hates you!
Colts 45, Titans 17

Detroit @ Minnesota
If you need to get back on track, it’s always nice to run into Detroit.
Vikes 14, Lions 7

KC @ Zona
It’s hard for me to believe that KC won’t fall apart after their complete dismantling of the Niners last week, but not here. Not against this team. I think Leinart will look better than Warner, but not enough better.
Chiefs 20, Cards 14

Oakland @ Frisco
Blech!
49ers 21, Raiders 14

N.Y. Jets @ Jacksonville
The Jets are going to lose by three all season.
Jags 17, Jets 14 (That’s a lot of 14s)

Dallas @ Philly
Take it from the Bolts, Dallas, and don’t get too high on yourselves after shellacking the Titans. This one’s gonna sting.
Eagles 31, Cowgirls 20

Pitt @ San Diego
God damn it, Marty, if you blow this shot at redemption I’m sending you a nice steamy “mud” pie. Something tells me your players are going to save your ass this week. No matter how pissed the Steelers are. There will be bitten nails, though.
Chargers 17, Steelers 13

Monday Night

Baltimore @ Denver
Shanahan relishes making Schotty look like a pussy and succeeds where our shitty coach failed.
Broncos 24, Ravens 10

What are you waiting for? Call your bookie! Go Bolts!