Call Your Bookie Quick, Gambler!

This week should be easy after I handily took second place in my pool last week. At this point I don’t even know how I do it. It’s like a gift. Here’s the winners, chock full of spoilers if you’re playing the spread. Enjoy gambloholics.

San Diego @ Kansas City
Hell yeah! Let’s get right to the good stuff!
Grudge Match: Schottenheimer vs. Gunther Cunningham. Gunther still runs that shitty team, right?
Chargers 45, Chiefs 16

Green Bay @ Miami
Grudge Match: Brett Favre vs. Retirement. He handles bad teams and the media suddenly believes he’s got two more good years in him.
Packers 27, Dolphins20

Detroit @ New York Jets
Grudge Match: If you can’t see it, I’m certainly not going to point it out to you.
Jets 24, Lions 17

Pitt @ Atlanta
Grudge Match: Both teams vs. That stupid tie they had last time they might, like four years ago. Who fucking ties in football?
Steelers 23, Falcons 14

Philly @ Tampa
Grudge Match: Andy Reid vs. John Gruden. Nobody likes John Gruden.
Eggles 34, Bucs 14

New England @ Buffalo
Grudge Match: Patriots vs. The World. No one gives them any respect since they didn’t win the Superbowl again last year. I think they’re a bunch of losers.
Patriots 17, Bills 15 That’s right. Field goals.

Jerksonville @ Houston
Grudge Match: Me vs. Jack Johnson. I freaking hate Jack Johnson.
Jags 24, Texans 21

Carolina @ Cincinnati
Grudge Match: Chad Johnson vs. Steve Smith. I can’t say it enough, people, they don’t play against each other. For the record, though, Smith is way better.
Panthers 28, Bengals 27

Denver @ Cleveland
Grudge Match: Denver’s D-line vs. Their old team. Get over it, you whiney bitches!
Broncos 8, Browns 3

Arizona @ Oakland
Grudge Match: Denny Green’s ineptitude vs. Oakland’s ineptitude. I’m betting this is the most interesting game of the day. Nah!
Cards 28, Raiders 13

Minnesota @ Seattle
Grudge Match: Poison Pill Hutch vs. Poison Pill Burleson. Sorry, they both seem to be sucking.
Grudge Match 2: Fred Smoot vs. The Seattle red light district. Everybody wins.
Vikes 20, Hawks 17

Washington @ Indy
Grudge Match: Indy’s will to win vs. Indy’s will to not look very good.
Colts 21, Skins 17

Monday Night

New York vaGiants @ Dallas
Grudge Match: None. These teams love each other.
vaGiants 37, Cowgirls 20

Wow. Those are some bad picks. Good luck.