I know that look! You were about to call me a liar! You were about to say that Colossus is a big fat liar who doesn’t post his picks right after telling you to your face that he would. Well, that’s okay go ahead and say that, I like proving you wrong. The thing is, I’ve been real busy lately, and on top of that I have to walk to another building now to get the sheet with the inaccurate spreads for my pick’em pool. I can’t do my picks here until I do those, because of course, it kills me to contradict myself. Some of you are probably saying that the picks will be tainted because the Ravens-Bengals game has already started, but I don’t have the NFL Network so screw you. Anyway, on to this special Jeopardy edition of my weekly picks.
Baltimore @ Cincy
What is…the game where a big-time, fast offense exposes the Ravens blitz package?
Bengals 27, Ravens 13
Minnesota @ Chicago
What is…an offensive disaster?
Bears 12, viQueens 9
Tampa @ Pitt
What is…a sad reminder that France used to be a super power too?
Steelers 24, Bucs 16
Zona @ Sweet Lou
What is…Denny Green’s last game before he coaches for the Raiders next year?
Rams 34, Cards 20
Indy @ Tennessee
What is…a big letdown after a total miracle?
Colts 37, Titans 14
Jax @ Miami
What is…Jacksonville’s problem? Thay’re always fucking with my picks!
Jags 21, Dolphins 20
Frisco @ New Orleans
What is…another rung on the ladder to the Superbowl for Drew Brees and Co.?
Saints 34, Niners 24
Hotlanta @ Washington
What is…Mike Vick’s last game before he QBs for the Raiders next year?
Skins 17, Falcons 14
KC @ Cleveland
What is…Larry Johnson doing always standing in the end zone?
Chiefs 30, Browns 23
Detroit @ New England
What is…ugly? Really, really ugly?
Pats 28, Lions 13
SD Super C @ Buffalo
What is…that? Snow? Big whoop. Suck it Bills. Losman!
Bolts 38, Bills 17
New York Jets @ Green Bay
What is…that? Health envy? Fragile Pennington against the Iron Man? Awesome.
Jets 24, Pack 17
Dallas @ New York VaGiants
What is…the game where we find out once and for all that no one in the NFC East can play consistently for their lives?
VaGiants 31, Cowgirls 21
Houston @ Oakland
What is…this shit?
Texans 24, Raiders 16
Seattle @ Denver
What is…proof positive that Jake the Snake ain’t the only problem in Denver?
Hawks 27, Shit Ponies 17
Monday! Monday! Monday!
Carolina @ Philly
What is…the Should-a-been Bowl?
Panthers 20, Eggles 17
Okay, I admit this wasn’t my best effort, but I’m racing time to try and catch the second half of tonight’s game down the street at the local libation and consumption factory. Keep tuning in and I promise to make it all up to you. Within the next week, I plan to share with you the reason behind the following quote that was recently directed towards me:
“thats right it is your fault. So do us all a favor, and fuck off. I am not going to be responding to your bullshit posts anymore. get lost, better hope I don’t find out who you are.”
You know you’re curious. Go Bolts!!!