My Picks...And The Following Disturbing Image.

If you’ve picked opposite me all year long in your respective pick’em leagues than it is a forgone conclusion that you are living in a high-rise luxury condominium overlooking the Pacific. No scratch that! You live in a beautiful mountain villa with your four supermodel wives and you have a fleet of flying rocket cars. The condo is a weekend thing. Well, the least you could do is drop me a Christmas card next month. I’ll be waiting by the mailbox.

Yep, with the exception of a couple of lucky weeks near the beginning of the year, this NFL season’s antics have made me quite the retard in social circles. Expect more craziness to ensue, but I’m not scared. I’ll still pick these bitches!

Turkey Day Games
I think it was Ben Franklin wanted to make the turkey the National Bird because it was so smart or something. Imagine how delicious our country would be. Although, I never have tried Eagle.

Miami @ Detroit
Play of the game: John Kitna bounces the ball of the overhead camera into the waiting arms of Chris Chambers, who returns the ball 73 yards for a TD. Why was Chris Chambers in on defense? Why not?
Dolphins 24, Lions 10

Tampa @ Dallas
POG: Julius Jones is knocked unconscious in the back field and fumbles the ball. Tony Romo picks them both up and rumbles 64 yards to put the game firmly out of reach. Sportswriters everywhere swoon.
Cowgirls 31, Bucs 14

Denver @ Kansas City
POG: Jake Plummer throws for the decisive TD to Javon Walker with 3 minutes left in the game to cap off a mistake free second half. Jay Cutler punches stuff.
Shit Ponies 21, Chiefs 17

Plain old lame Sunday games. Uggh.

Jax @ Buffalo
POG: Byron Leftwich returns from surgery against all odds and doctor recommendations to hand the ball to Fred Taylor for the game winning TD with no time left on the clock.
Jags 17, Bills 13

Houston @ New York Jets
POG: Brooks Bollinger to Jerricho Cotchery, who is standing on Lavernues Coles’ shoulders and juggling chainsaws. Seriously, watch this game above all others.
Jets 28, Texans 24

Pitt @ Baltimore
POG: Big Gay Ben hands off the QB duties to Charlie Batch, but takes over in the backfield in goal line situations. On his motorcycle. Only this time he’s wearing a helmet. Six points! Suck it Ravens!
Steelers 20, Ravens 18

Cincy @ Cleveland
POG: Chad Johnson catches a TD without being completely wide open. Ooooooh.
Bengals 35, Browns 30

Arizona @ Minnesota
POG: The safety. The safety covers the spread. Everything else sucks.
Vikings 11, Cards 3

Frisco @ Sweet Lou
POG: The one where Scott Linehan kills himself.
49ers 24, Rams 17

New Orleans @ Atlanta
POG: Reggie Bush strips the ball from the hands of Marques Colston and scores a 68 yard TD to win the game and prove that there can be only one.
Saints 34, Falcons 24

Carolina @ Washington
POG: TD to Steve Smith.
Panthers 28, Redskins 16

Chicago @ New England
POG: Not so much a play, but before the game Tom Brady beats the crap out of Rex Grossman cause some writer tried to use the old Joe Montana comparison on Rex a few weeks back. There can be only one! Well, one more Joe Montana at a time, anyway. The beating sets the tone for the day.
Pats 27, Bears 13

New York vaGiants @ Tennessee
POG: Eli Manning strategically bounces the ball off of Chris Hope’s hands into the waiting arms of Plaxico Burress for the game winner.
vaGiants 23, Titans 17

Oakland @ San Diego Super Chargers
POG: In a desperate defensive move, Oakland builds a moat around their end zone. TBE trots across it twice in the third quarter.
Bolts 31, Raiders 13

Philly @ Indy
POG: Late in the second quarter, Philly throws in the towel and goes home. Peyton and co. stick around and score 1000 in the second half so they can be the highest scoring offense in the NFL again. They don’t run it in a single time.
Colts 1031, Eggles 6

Monday Night Football Contest!

Green Bay @ Seattle
POG: The first snap. Brett Favre extends his consecutive starting streak to 252. He’s subsequently flagged for using a prop. It’s a wheelchair. Bring on Ingle Martin! Woohoo!
Seahawks 30, Packers 13

That’s all she wrote, folks. Enjoy your frickin’ Turkey Day!