Not Buddy Ryan's Fat Sons.

Now for round 2 of Inside The NFL makes the Baby Jesus cry. The action starts out with the gang discussing a couple of the hot topics around the league. They begin with, you guessed it, Daunte Culpepper's struggles in Miami. As I figured, excuses were made. Injury and O-Line scapegoats were aplenty. Cris Carter felt expectations were too high. Sure, cause Culpepper is obviously still learning how to play at the pro level. The real head scratcher, though, came from Effing Dan Marino, who despite my own predictions, actually put some of the blame on the receivers for running poor routes. Riddle me this Dan, if the receivers weren’t where they were supposed to be, don’t you think they would have occasionally have been able to slip from Daunte’s tractor beam-like stare? After the Culpepper apologist hour, the fantastic four spent a couple of minutes tearing Mark Brunell a new butthole. I can’t exactly argue with that, but at least Brunell didn’t totally suck poo through a straw when he played last year.

First up in the highlights (you get nothing if you guessed right), the Youngest Manning versus the McNagles. I’m sure you can guess how this blowjob festival went. Admittedly, a good enough game to “earn” its way into the INFL highlight reel, so I can’t really complain.

Next up, Chargers-Titans. What? My fabulous Bolts? They must have realized we have a bye this week, so they risked not showing any Charger highlights until after week four. Well, they certainly made up for it by showing four, count them four, Chargers clips. A sack, a TD by Jackson, a TD by TBE and Michael Turner’s big run. Thanks for advertising that guy to the rest of the league. So, let’s see, no Merriman INT, no Jammer INT, No Parker amazing catch. F YOU, INFL! But really, thanks for the acknowledgement.

Now for our first SIS, I’m so freaking excited. This one is about the still photographer for the San Francisco 49ers, Michael Zagares (I think). What? Who cares? This is your idea of a story inside a story, INFL? Screw you. Anyway, the highlights were okay, the story bored me, and really the only thing interesting here was that the guy decided to dress like Freddy Krueger for his INFL moment. Seriously, hat and everything. Pretty sweet there, horror geek.

On to Bears-Lions. After two weeks, I think we can safely assume that Rex Grossman is a hall of famer and the Lions are bad. Real bad.

Next up this the Peter King Corner, or whatever they call that thing. First he discusses his favorite NFL subject, Brett Favre. King is convinced that Favre will remain with Green Bay and essentially feels it would be a horrible thing if Favre left to play somewhere else. Peter, we all hate to see our heroes fall. Next, King shows flashes of why we still pay attention to him by offering real insight into the Oakland Raiders situation. It starts with Al Davis not being able to get the coaches he wanted, not going and getting Bobby Petrino and having to settle for Art Shell, who has basically tried to resurrect the Raiders of old, personnel be damned. On the field, the QBs are taking to many deep drops for their line and are never dumping the ball to their running backs. Of course, even Cris Carter could have told you that.

Patriots-Jets, marking the second time the Jets have “earned" their way onto the program. I guess if your no-name receiver makes the most ridiculous catch and run in football, you’re in.

Saints-Packers. I’m sorry, everybody, but I have to rain on your parade here. The Saints are not this good. They are barely handling bad teams, and I think the Falcons are going to run all over them Monday night. But they had to show the Saints highlights for a second week in a row, because:

It’s time for the story of the week, the Katrina cryfest. The Superdome is back in business this week so INFL had to delve once again into Hurricane Katrina, otherwise known as National League Football’s greatest personal tragedy. I mean, does it drive anybody else crazy how the NFL has taken Katrina and made it their own? Could you imagine if Major League Baseball had a team in New Orleans? America’s pastime meets America’s tragedy. Look out! Someone move the Nationals to Louisiana before the season is over! I understand that this was a horrible thing, and I could never begin to imagine what it must have been like to live through Katrina, but doesn’t HBO have, like two other sports shows specifically designed to make you think and cry? I just want some damn football highlights with a bad ass voice over. Sheesh.

And just when I thought that we were going to get off this week with just one SIS, here’s comes the Raiders-Ravens game with Buddy Ryan’s fat sons. Rex Ryan is the Defensive Coordinator for the Ravens, and Rob Ryan is the Defensive Coordinator for the Raiders. They love each other like, well brothers, but are fierce competitors on the blah, blah, blah, blah. I have a soft spot for Buddy Ryan because years ago he socked Kevin Gilbride in the head on the Houston Oilers sideline, and that’s really all it takes to be a hero in my book. Sadly, he has one normal son, Rex, who runs a rock solid defense over there in Baltimore, and one retarded son, Rob, who took a job with the Oakland Raiders. That’s proof you’re retarded. It’s science. Bill Callahan super-sized my order the other day. Ding, fries are done!

The Seahawks-Cardinals highlights were solid gold. After INFL had to leave the Hawks out of their line-up last week due to their complete yawner, they made up for it in high fashion. Every sack was shown. 13 total clips and endless huddle shots, sideline shots and slow motion action abounded. Astounding. The Seahawks will definitely win the Superbowl this year, if the officials let them.

Cowboys-Redskins? I’m barely paying attention at this point.

Oh, I totally forgot about the part where Tweedle-dee and Tweedle-dum sat down to do some crossfire on random topics, and I’d like to thank my brain for allowing me to do that.

Last part of the show the guys make their picks. Dan blows Eli Manning and then picks against him because the Seahawks are totally going to win the Superbowl this year. Effing officials! Collinsworth blows the entire Jaguars defense, but picks the Colts to win because they’re on their way to their fourth consecutive Superbowl victory.

That’s it, I’m done. I hope all six of you appreciate the bullet I take by watching this show for you. It absolutely murders my brain.

Chargers 1000, Bye Week suck it. Go Bolts!!!