Let me preface this by saying that I think Canepa is a douche bag 98% of the time, and this falls into that percentile.
http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/canepa/20060330-9999-1s30canepa.html
A few things I don't like here:
1)The subtle dig at Brees early on, "If we think you're worth enough, you're going to get paid.”
2)He didn't sign LeCharles Bentley, and presumably any other big free agents, because he knew he would get a 3rd or 4th round pick next year if he didn't? I think the disparity between LeCharles Bentley and a 3rd or 4th is enough to make this one of the stupidest things I've ever heard.
3)The not so subtle dig at Brees at the end, “I don't care who holds the trophy over his head.”
See, this is my big problem with this guy. The ego. He is completely unlikeable, and not only does he know it, he embraces it. He feels like Brees and his agent slighted him in the public eye, and he may be right, but there was certainly grounds for it. Brees did all he could in a high pressure situation to compete at the highest possible level with the promise of a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, and in the end, the team's management basically turned their back on him. Do I think the team was wrong? No. But to not acknowledge the fact that Brees' hurt feelings had some amount of justification, and instead make digs like the preceeding, shows an almost Leafian level of "neener neener neener" childishness in a grown man. I don't know if I'll ever actually like this guy, even if all his moves turn out to be the right ones.
Friday, March 31, 2006
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
The Explanation. Part I...
So it has been but a few weeks since we found out that the team that resides for the time being here in San Diego would not be retaining the services of one Drew Brees. Feedback around town has been divided like a province in the Middle East, well, no that would suggest that there is a bit of unity here in town. There isn’t. Not even a bit. So it’s my duty to try to unite the city, one city, under sunshine, with belief in our new squad leader, Phillip Rivers but that comes later…
On the surface and to those not in the know, it might appear that we made a mistake by not resigning our designated leader. But, as we have covered here and need not rehash ad nauseam, but our quarterback was injured. Seriously. He was. A torn labrum is not something that is easy to recover from. Add to that a torn rotator cuff, which I know a little bit about, you are talking about a climb uphill somewhere between Mt. Whitney and Everest. Not that it can’t be done mind you, but it’s a bit more than a difficult task. Can Drew recover from it? If anyone can he will. Will he be the same? No one really knows. But there are problems with the situation that he found himself in and blame can only be placed on the people that allowed him to play in week 17. That’s it. Unfortuately, the worst thing that could have happened short of a mysterious spot on your tingly parts after a trip to T.J., happened to Drew that week…
I’d number the problems and rank them in order of importance, but they are so numerous, and almost really equally important, so in no particular order:
A quarterback with a sub par, I mean below avera…, I mean ‘good arm’, hurt his good arm. Now, I’m not an expert, but if you are making a paycheck and you significantly injure the part that makes you a paid professional athlete, sorry, but you’re out of luck. Sorry. It’s just the way it is. Sorry. Get over it. When your arm strength isn’t your strength, and you hurt your arm, there’s the door. Sorry.
Now, I can understand if you are under contract, say five or six years on your deal, millions of dollars still to pay on that deal, and you hurt your gunslingin’ arm, well you might get another shot. You might even compete for the starting job, you might even be the favorite for that slot, but when you hurt your moneymaker and you have no contract, sorry. There’s the door. Happy trails. Don’t look back…
Ohh, and when the guy that is backing you up is the number one draft pick for the guy that seems to specialize in drafts, and oh by the by, has a long term deal. The kind of long term deal that has most of the guaranteed money already in the kid’s bank account, job security is not your friend. In fact, when you’re hurt, demand top dollar, have no deal, and the number one draft pick behind you does, not only do you not have job security, you don’t have a job. Sorry, there’s the door. Sorry.
Yes. There was a mistake made in our organization. The last day of 2005 marks that day. Drew shouldn’t have been playing. That’s the mistake. It’s unfortunate, tragic, demoralizing and awful that it happened, but it did. Get over it. He’s gone. There are no more mistakes. There was one, and that’s done and it’s over.
And you radio guys that insist on the fact that the organization made a mistake by not resigning Drew, you’re wrong. And spending time in the morning trying to prove that the organization made a mistake by telling us that Drew is rehabbing great and can now throw a football to a five yard target, that’s great. I’m pretty sure Phil can do that, I’m pretty sure I can do that, and my six year old niece is getting pretty close, she can hit about one in three from that distance. It doesn’t mean you’re healthy, it doesn’t mean your arm is fine, and it doesn’t mean that you get 60 MILLION BUCKS!!!! It doesn’t . When will you realize that? When will you realize you’re wrong? Sorry. Get over it. Sorry. He’s gone. Sorry. He isn’t coming back. And the guy coming in isn’t half bad....
On the surface and to those not in the know, it might appear that we made a mistake by not resigning our designated leader. But, as we have covered here and need not rehash ad nauseam, but our quarterback was injured. Seriously. He was. A torn labrum is not something that is easy to recover from. Add to that a torn rotator cuff, which I know a little bit about, you are talking about a climb uphill somewhere between Mt. Whitney and Everest. Not that it can’t be done mind you, but it’s a bit more than a difficult task. Can Drew recover from it? If anyone can he will. Will he be the same? No one really knows. But there are problems with the situation that he found himself in and blame can only be placed on the people that allowed him to play in week 17. That’s it. Unfortuately, the worst thing that could have happened short of a mysterious spot on your tingly parts after a trip to T.J., happened to Drew that week…
I’d number the problems and rank them in order of importance, but they are so numerous, and almost really equally important, so in no particular order:
A quarterback with a sub par, I mean below avera…, I mean ‘good arm’, hurt his good arm. Now, I’m not an expert, but if you are making a paycheck and you significantly injure the part that makes you a paid professional athlete, sorry, but you’re out of luck. Sorry. It’s just the way it is. Sorry. Get over it. When your arm strength isn’t your strength, and you hurt your arm, there’s the door. Sorry.
Now, I can understand if you are under contract, say five or six years on your deal, millions of dollars still to pay on that deal, and you hurt your gunslingin’ arm, well you might get another shot. You might even compete for the starting job, you might even be the favorite for that slot, but when you hurt your moneymaker and you have no contract, sorry. There’s the door. Happy trails. Don’t look back…
Ohh, and when the guy that is backing you up is the number one draft pick for the guy that seems to specialize in drafts, and oh by the by, has a long term deal. The kind of long term deal that has most of the guaranteed money already in the kid’s bank account, job security is not your friend. In fact, when you’re hurt, demand top dollar, have no deal, and the number one draft pick behind you does, not only do you not have job security, you don’t have a job. Sorry, there’s the door. Sorry.
Yes. There was a mistake made in our organization. The last day of 2005 marks that day. Drew shouldn’t have been playing. That’s the mistake. It’s unfortunate, tragic, demoralizing and awful that it happened, but it did. Get over it. He’s gone. There are no more mistakes. There was one, and that’s done and it’s over.
And you radio guys that insist on the fact that the organization made a mistake by not resigning Drew, you’re wrong. And spending time in the morning trying to prove that the organization made a mistake by telling us that Drew is rehabbing great and can now throw a football to a five yard target, that’s great. I’m pretty sure Phil can do that, I’m pretty sure I can do that, and my six year old niece is getting pretty close, she can hit about one in three from that distance. It doesn’t mean you’re healthy, it doesn’t mean your arm is fine, and it doesn’t mean that you get 60 MILLION BUCKS!!!! It doesn’t . When will you realize that? When will you realize you’re wrong? Sorry. Get over it. Sorry. He’s gone. Sorry. He isn’t coming back. And the guy coming in isn’t half bad....
Monday, March 20, 2006
Goodbye and Good Luck...
It’s officially final and finally official. Mr. Drew Brees is now a member of the one and only New Orleans Saints. A team that cost me $50 last year in their season opener by playing with all kinds of unwarranted emotion have once again left me disappointed. Oh, wait, no they didn’t. They just proved to me to be at the front of the pack in terms of ‘Sports Owners that I Know More Than” group. In what amounts to me as a questionable decision, the Saints have offered and it has been accepted, a 6 year 60 million dollar deal with a 10 million dollar signing bonus. Now as I sit here and read this over and over again, I am struck a bit puzzled as to why you would do this as a the owner of a professional sports franchise. It is difficult for me to see justifying this deal on any level, which brings me great disappointment. There have not been too many quarterbacks for our franchise in my lifetime that I have been able to grow accustomed to. Once again this holds true, as the hard to love Drew Brees leaves town for good. And in all honesty, if that is truly the money it was going to take to keep the guy with injury, I’ll help him pack his stuff and send him on his way with a smile and a pat on the back. Seeing as how I can’t really articulate what thoughts are assaulting the inside of my skull right now, I am switching to bullet format. Enjoy...
-This deal: 6 years/ $60 million, $10million dollar signing bonus, is universally out of this world ludicrous. I would have been disappointed had the Chargers even approached this mark for a one armed man. I wonder if I can get the Benson’s on the phone and tell them I have some property in the 9th Ward with minor water damage for sale???
-Timeline:
2002-2003- Drew Brees is our Quarterback. Drew Brees is not my favorite quarterback...
2004 - Drew Brees plays himself onto the favorite quarterback list...
2005 - Coaching staff does their part to deflect interest from Drew Brees’ regressing numbers to their own ineptness on the field...
12.31.2005- Drew Brees injures shoulder in meaningless game. Severity of injury downplayed. Coaching staff escapes ‘Barry Bonds Level’ scrutiny for their decision to start him...
03.14.2006- Drew Brees becomes a New Orleans Saint. I laugh uncontrollably at the terms of the contract. Unfortunately eating girl scout cookies at the time terms were announced. Same cookies are now growing in my lungs.
Drew Brees was a decent quarterback and an easy to like kind of guy when he was playing well. I don’t think that the Chargers, or more importantly, I would have ponied up the scratch for a 6 year/60 million dollar deal, even if the injury never occurred. Drew is a solid quarterback that had one great year, one decent year, and one and a half awful ones. Sorry, a $10 million per year quarterback he is not, even with two arms...
-Miami reportedly put Drew through a series of tests Monday to measure the progress of the rehabilitation. Obviously, they did not like what they saw enough that they went and traded a second round draft pick for Daunte Culpepper. The same Daunte Culpepper that has a $100 million dollar contract and had an interception to touchdown ratio last season prior to his injury of about 126:1. Or roughly the same ratio in Mammoth last weekend of guys to boobs.
-New Orleans in true New Orleans form, chose to ignore the fact that a torn labrum, combined with a torn rotator cuff is a serious career threatening type injury. Opting to focus on the derma band exercises that Drew has perfected post surgery. He is showing professional form raising and lowering his arm, stretching the resistance bands well, and is striving to be able to raise a donut, and turn multiple pages of a newspaper in the next month. But think, he is six weeks ahead in his rehab, no one thought he'd be turning pages of newsprint this quickly. Throwing the ball you say? Not important, as he will not be able to test that ability or lack there of until June or so. Logically that leads us to the conclusion that the Saints ownership just gave $10 million guaranteed to a guy who at the moment, cannot throw the ball. Good thing throwing a ball is not in the job description for a quarterback.
-Finally, as it would be I am saddened to see Drew go. He seemed like a good guy, liked the town and obviously worked very hard to become a good quarterback after what would be generous to describe as an inauspicious start. Things were pretty bleak there for a while. But, he did his best and with the mentality of a team we improved and got much better as the sum of our parts. Had the coaching staff not reverted back to their ultra conservative ways at times we may have achieved a higher degree of success. But, sad as it is to see him go, it’s time. An injury has wrecked his future here. No matter how much personal admiration and good feeling we hold for him, he is damaged goods now. Investing in him financially would be like buying a car with Louisiana Plates and a watermark on the dash. You may get a good deal, but you don’t know what you are getting. The funny part is the Saints didn’t really even get a good deal. They paid top dollar. And, it is being reported that Drew and his wife took out a full page ad to thank New Orleans for their new opportunity. The kind folks in the Big Easy decided to thank Drew by taking up a collection to pay for the ad so that Drew doesn't put a strain on his $60 million dollar savings... A new era begins in San Diego.
-This deal: 6 years/ $60 million, $10million dollar signing bonus, is universally out of this world ludicrous. I would have been disappointed had the Chargers even approached this mark for a one armed man. I wonder if I can get the Benson’s on the phone and tell them I have some property in the 9th Ward with minor water damage for sale???
-Timeline:
2002-2003- Drew Brees is our Quarterback. Drew Brees is not my favorite quarterback...
2004 - Drew Brees plays himself onto the favorite quarterback list...
2005 - Coaching staff does their part to deflect interest from Drew Brees’ regressing numbers to their own ineptness on the field...
12.31.2005- Drew Brees injures shoulder in meaningless game. Severity of injury downplayed. Coaching staff escapes ‘Barry Bonds Level’ scrutiny for their decision to start him...
03.14.2006- Drew Brees becomes a New Orleans Saint. I laugh uncontrollably at the terms of the contract. Unfortunately eating girl scout cookies at the time terms were announced. Same cookies are now growing in my lungs.
Drew Brees was a decent quarterback and an easy to like kind of guy when he was playing well. I don’t think that the Chargers, or more importantly, I would have ponied up the scratch for a 6 year/60 million dollar deal, even if the injury never occurred. Drew is a solid quarterback that had one great year, one decent year, and one and a half awful ones. Sorry, a $10 million per year quarterback he is not, even with two arms...
-Miami reportedly put Drew through a series of tests Monday to measure the progress of the rehabilitation. Obviously, they did not like what they saw enough that they went and traded a second round draft pick for Daunte Culpepper. The same Daunte Culpepper that has a $100 million dollar contract and had an interception to touchdown ratio last season prior to his injury of about 126:1. Or roughly the same ratio in Mammoth last weekend of guys to boobs.
-New Orleans in true New Orleans form, chose to ignore the fact that a torn labrum, combined with a torn rotator cuff is a serious career threatening type injury. Opting to focus on the derma band exercises that Drew has perfected post surgery. He is showing professional form raising and lowering his arm, stretching the resistance bands well, and is striving to be able to raise a donut, and turn multiple pages of a newspaper in the next month. But think, he is six weeks ahead in his rehab, no one thought he'd be turning pages of newsprint this quickly. Throwing the ball you say? Not important, as he will not be able to test that ability or lack there of until June or so. Logically that leads us to the conclusion that the Saints ownership just gave $10 million guaranteed to a guy who at the moment, cannot throw the ball. Good thing throwing a ball is not in the job description for a quarterback.
-Finally, as it would be I am saddened to see Drew go. He seemed like a good guy, liked the town and obviously worked very hard to become a good quarterback after what would be generous to describe as an inauspicious start. Things were pretty bleak there for a while. But, he did his best and with the mentality of a team we improved and got much better as the sum of our parts. Had the coaching staff not reverted back to their ultra conservative ways at times we may have achieved a higher degree of success. But, sad as it is to see him go, it’s time. An injury has wrecked his future here. No matter how much personal admiration and good feeling we hold for him, he is damaged goods now. Investing in him financially would be like buying a car with Louisiana Plates and a watermark on the dash. You may get a good deal, but you don’t know what you are getting. The funny part is the Saints didn’t really even get a good deal. They paid top dollar. And, it is being reported that Drew and his wife took out a full page ad to thank New Orleans for their new opportunity. The kind folks in the Big Easy decided to thank Drew by taking up a collection to pay for the ad so that Drew doesn't put a strain on his $60 million dollar savings... A new era begins in San Diego.
Monday, February 27, 2006
The Free Agent...
Since we last visited what has become a travesty and debacle here in the S.D. our quarterback was longing to regain his form on the golf course. Of course, he can’t lift or move his arm in any manner that would resemble a golf swing, throwing motion, or well, any move that would be designated useful at this time. This of course has management slightly more than concerned, enough so that there will be no franchise or transition tag assigned to Mr. QB. As of this Friday, our quarterback will be a free agent and will be free to sign with any team that will have him. This does not seem to concern our GM in the slightest.
So, it turns out that we can speculate as to who Mr. Brees will sign with this Friday. Now, who is in a position to take a chance on a one armed quarterback? Well, here is my take, you can decide if I am full of more BS than normal.
First, Miami. Of course with the powerhouse Sage Rosenfels and Gus Frerotte, they may be in the market for a quarterback. Any quarterback will do. There is a strong chance that they will give Mr. Brees a look…perhaps a contract.
Second, Dallas. I know they have the ever mobile and nimble Drew Bledsoe, but Drew is a local Texas guy, and that may go a long way down there. You know, those Texas folks can be pretty loyal to their cattle and their quarterbacks…
Third, Baltimore. Kyle Boller is still 24, and obviously having some trouble running the offensive show in murderland. This could very easily be Drew’s destination…
And finally, Houston. Same local Texas rules apply, and well, they draft one Reggie Bush, and well you have a Texans team that resembles the Charger team that Drew was in control of when Tomlinson had 100 receptions and 1000 yards on the ground. Reggie Bush reminds me a bit of that guy when he came into the league… just another thought as I try to convince myself that we will still have Drew running our team next year…
As far as the injury goes, it is a tough one. I know someone who has torn this particular type of cartilage in his shoulder, and it is not an injury that anyone wants. The procedure takes you out of the game for at least 6 months. That means no throwing, no lifting and basically no functional movement for the duration of that period. The shoulder really never regains total stability, and the problem is that it can continue to drop out of joint. It is a day by day injury, some days better than others. It will be a tough task to come back from this and regain your form in less than one year. Can it be done? Possibly. But obviously A.J. wants no part of a long term investment in this type of scenario.
The question now is can Phillip be the guy here. My position officially is yes. But, he needs stability. Stability he has now. He could not be in a better situation. He knows the system and he knows the guys he has around him are potent weapons. He needs to continue with the current system, that he has spent the last two years studying. If A.J. has his way, he gets his guy running the offense and ousts his coach. Before the injury, I would have supported this wholeheartedly. But now, Phillip does not need to have to commit another offensive system to memory. And, I would guess that Cam2, gets a coaching job next year, Marty goes the way of Mike Riley and June Jones, and we start all over again. Fun times here in San Diego, in what is possibly our last two years here in our town. Fun times…
So, it turns out that we can speculate as to who Mr. Brees will sign with this Friday. Now, who is in a position to take a chance on a one armed quarterback? Well, here is my take, you can decide if I am full of more BS than normal.
First, Miami. Of course with the powerhouse Sage Rosenfels and Gus Frerotte, they may be in the market for a quarterback. Any quarterback will do. There is a strong chance that they will give Mr. Brees a look…perhaps a contract.
Second, Dallas. I know they have the ever mobile and nimble Drew Bledsoe, but Drew is a local Texas guy, and that may go a long way down there. You know, those Texas folks can be pretty loyal to their cattle and their quarterbacks…
Third, Baltimore. Kyle Boller is still 24, and obviously having some trouble running the offensive show in murderland. This could very easily be Drew’s destination…
And finally, Houston. Same local Texas rules apply, and well, they draft one Reggie Bush, and well you have a Texans team that resembles the Charger team that Drew was in control of when Tomlinson had 100 receptions and 1000 yards on the ground. Reggie Bush reminds me a bit of that guy when he came into the league… just another thought as I try to convince myself that we will still have Drew running our team next year…
As far as the injury goes, it is a tough one. I know someone who has torn this particular type of cartilage in his shoulder, and it is not an injury that anyone wants. The procedure takes you out of the game for at least 6 months. That means no throwing, no lifting and basically no functional movement for the duration of that period. The shoulder really never regains total stability, and the problem is that it can continue to drop out of joint. It is a day by day injury, some days better than others. It will be a tough task to come back from this and regain your form in less than one year. Can it be done? Possibly. But obviously A.J. wants no part of a long term investment in this type of scenario.
The question now is can Phillip be the guy here. My position officially is yes. But, he needs stability. Stability he has now. He could not be in a better situation. He knows the system and he knows the guys he has around him are potent weapons. He needs to continue with the current system, that he has spent the last two years studying. If A.J. has his way, he gets his guy running the offense and ousts his coach. Before the injury, I would have supported this wholeheartedly. But now, Phillip does not need to have to commit another offensive system to memory. And, I would guess that Cam2, gets a coaching job next year, Marty goes the way of Mike Riley and June Jones, and we start all over again. Fun times here in San Diego, in what is possibly our last two years here in our town. Fun times…
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
Pro Bowling...
Well, the word on the street is that the footballing season is now officially over. It ended the way it should with a Manning throwing all kinds of errant balls. You know those guys love their errant balls.
Our guys made quite a showing in the big all star spectacular out there in the middle of the ocean. Merriman proved why he was there and why he would be a big part of the NFL for years to come. I am going to have to work on that dance of his…
Normally this is the time of year that the mandatory football blackout begins and all football talk is ceased until the preseason is 90% complete. But, in the interest of the offseason that is shaping up to be an exciting one, the posts will be fewer and supplemented with Padre talk a bit, so I have something to complain about (for example the battery that is shaping up of Klesko, Giles, Piazza, and Castillo, wow). And we will have the one armed, contractless quarterback updates as the super glue sets and the duct tape gets a bit frayed at the edges…
Our guys made quite a showing in the big all star spectacular out there in the middle of the ocean. Merriman proved why he was there and why he would be a big part of the NFL for years to come. I am going to have to work on that dance of his…
Normally this is the time of year that the mandatory football blackout begins and all football talk is ceased until the preseason is 90% complete. But, in the interest of the offseason that is shaping up to be an exciting one, the posts will be fewer and supplemented with Padre talk a bit, so I have something to complain about (for example the battery that is shaping up of Klesko, Giles, Piazza, and Castillo, wow). And we will have the one armed, contractless quarterback updates as the super glue sets and the duct tape gets a bit frayed at the edges…
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Extra Large?? Extra Bore...
Well the Forty is gone and the trophy has been awarded. One fat guy said goodbye to the game and hopefully not his treadmill along the way. A young quarterback did his best not to screw up the game and succeeded in that. And what was deemed a ‘sloppy’ game (some of us would use harsher language than that) ended mercifully sooner rather than later. The game really had no entertainment value at least for me, a couple of big plays that were the difference kept me from attempting to find something more interesting on the big box.
As far as I was concerned, once this game died, I needed no excuses to keep talking about it. Mediocre performances that will be forgotten on both sides of the field shortly after the trophy was awarded, were marred by some folks complaining and attempting to rationalize a loss, suffered primarily at the hands of the zebras. Not to dwell on this more than everyone else has already kicked the dead equine, but, before the fatal shots are fired at the zebras, the entire thing should be rehashed.
Four plays stood out to me when laundry hit the tire bits and fake grass. Obviously the first, the pass interference on Darrell ‘First Quarter MVP” Jackson. No other way to say this, but I think I saw one of the refs use his yellow hanky to pick up the pile of poop that fell out of his pocket when he pitched the flag. Seattle has a gripe here.
Second one, the holding call, the first one. Looked like a hold to me. In fact, when the play was developing I commented that they held. They got flagged for it. Penalty deserved.
Third, the low block penalty on the hairless Quarterback. More poop on the play, but rather inconsequential all things considered. The pick was damaging and the end result wasn’t due to the penalty on that play.
Fourth, the last holding call on Locklear. Sorry, but once again as this one developed I didn’t see the flag. I commented that they got away with a hold. To my surprise they didn’t actually get away with it. After replay, it was questionable, but at full speed it looked like a tackle to me. I’d have been pissed more than livid if that was Merriman that fell taking the corner on that play. No gripes here either Seattle. Sorry.
Now. Let’s focus on the real problem here. First, the Darrell Jackson touchdown that wasn’t. One foot in one foot off the orange touchdown thing. Touchdown. Nope. Incomplete. This was a head scratcher to me. If Kojak the Quarterback keeps the ball in bounds, well you know the rest. Twice at least I saw the Hasselhoff throw the ball out of bounds to open receivers. “We want the ball and we’re gonna score!!!”
Oh, and I almost forgot. The most crucial point of this concoction here. Not the clock mismanagement at both the end of the first and second halves. Nope, although that was pretty miserable stuff. Nope, it wasn’t the kicker doing his Jay Feely, twice. Nope. It was in fact the three passes that Jerramy Stevens continued to drop that would have resulted in first downs for the Seahawks, two of which were inside the Pittsburgh Red Zone. Those plays would have changed this game. Of that I am convinced.
Bottom line for me is that the officiating was the typical debacle that the game is accustomed to. It did not cost the Seahawks the game. If the Seahawks would look at their performance and the reasons why they lost, and then still come to the conclusion that they got jobbed, be my guest. They’d still be wrong and they’d be ignoring the real reasons why they choked on the biggest stage in the team’s history. No one wants to talk about that though. This was a very winnable game, in fact Pittsburgh did their best to piss it away. You choked and failed Seattle. Yes. You choked and failed. You should have been nicer to us when we visited in June. That’s it for me. Sorry if you don’t see it that way.
Football blackout begins with the final gun in the Professional Bowl game. Hopefully no more of our guys get career threatening injuries during the last four quarters of the year. September can’t get here soon enough…
As far as I was concerned, once this game died, I needed no excuses to keep talking about it. Mediocre performances that will be forgotten on both sides of the field shortly after the trophy was awarded, were marred by some folks complaining and attempting to rationalize a loss, suffered primarily at the hands of the zebras. Not to dwell on this more than everyone else has already kicked the dead equine, but, before the fatal shots are fired at the zebras, the entire thing should be rehashed.
Four plays stood out to me when laundry hit the tire bits and fake grass. Obviously the first, the pass interference on Darrell ‘First Quarter MVP” Jackson. No other way to say this, but I think I saw one of the refs use his yellow hanky to pick up the pile of poop that fell out of his pocket when he pitched the flag. Seattle has a gripe here.
Second one, the holding call, the first one. Looked like a hold to me. In fact, when the play was developing I commented that they held. They got flagged for it. Penalty deserved.
Third, the low block penalty on the hairless Quarterback. More poop on the play, but rather inconsequential all things considered. The pick was damaging and the end result wasn’t due to the penalty on that play.
Fourth, the last holding call on Locklear. Sorry, but once again as this one developed I didn’t see the flag. I commented that they got away with a hold. To my surprise they didn’t actually get away with it. After replay, it was questionable, but at full speed it looked like a tackle to me. I’d have been pissed more than livid if that was Merriman that fell taking the corner on that play. No gripes here either Seattle. Sorry.
Now. Let’s focus on the real problem here. First, the Darrell Jackson touchdown that wasn’t. One foot in one foot off the orange touchdown thing. Touchdown. Nope. Incomplete. This was a head scratcher to me. If Kojak the Quarterback keeps the ball in bounds, well you know the rest. Twice at least I saw the Hasselhoff throw the ball out of bounds to open receivers. “We want the ball and we’re gonna score!!!”
Oh, and I almost forgot. The most crucial point of this concoction here. Not the clock mismanagement at both the end of the first and second halves. Nope, although that was pretty miserable stuff. Nope, it wasn’t the kicker doing his Jay Feely, twice. Nope. It was in fact the three passes that Jerramy Stevens continued to drop that would have resulted in first downs for the Seahawks, two of which were inside the Pittsburgh Red Zone. Those plays would have changed this game. Of that I am convinced.
Bottom line for me is that the officiating was the typical debacle that the game is accustomed to. It did not cost the Seahawks the game. If the Seahawks would look at their performance and the reasons why they lost, and then still come to the conclusion that they got jobbed, be my guest. They’d still be wrong and they’d be ignoring the real reasons why they choked on the biggest stage in the team’s history. No one wants to talk about that though. This was a very winnable game, in fact Pittsburgh did their best to piss it away. You choked and failed Seattle. Yes. You choked and failed. You should have been nicer to us when we visited in June. That’s it for me. Sorry if you don’t see it that way.
Football blackout begins with the final gun in the Professional Bowl game. Hopefully no more of our guys get career threatening injuries during the last four quarters of the year. September can’t get here soon enough…
Thursday, February 02, 2006
Your Lack of Convictions are Astounding...
I don’t understand this whole Skip Bayless thing. His last two columns were about how Pittsburgh didn’t belong in the Bowling for Forties, while neither did the ‘Sea Frauds as he put it. Unfortunately for me, he cited all the reasons for the Seahawks mediocrity that I did a couple of days ago. So my big question is, if Pitt doesn’t belong, and Seattle doesn’t belong, who does?
Obviously, Skip’s pick was the Panthers who, yes were all banged up and couldn’t put forth their best effort against the Rainy Day Crowd Favorites. But, hey Skip, Carolina isn’t there, so you are going to, if you are a true professional, like someone in this game beyond a final score. You cannot continue to deride both squads about their downfalls without truly taking a stand or a position. Grow a pair Skip and stand on a conviction for once. If you think Pittsburgh is the team to beat in the big game, then realize that they deserve to be there by pounding the teams that were supposedly better than them en route to the Forty Bowl. Pittsburgh is a good team, it’s time to recognize that. They beat Cincy, they pounded Indy (with our game plan of course) and they pounded Denver. They proved they were the best in the AFC. Believe it you hack. And if you continue this charade of yours, you won’t be able to write anymore, because you will continue to prove yourself to be lacking talent and writing skill continuously in a public forum.
ESPN.com page 2 is where you can read more of his manure, columns, I mean columns. I refuse to link to him anymore. He does not need to add to his army of dislike. He is dangerously close to getting more than hate mail from a lot of people in this country. I feel incredibly sorry for him.
Obviously, Skip’s pick was the Panthers who, yes were all banged up and couldn’t put forth their best effort against the Rainy Day Crowd Favorites. But, hey Skip, Carolina isn’t there, so you are going to, if you are a true professional, like someone in this game beyond a final score. You cannot continue to deride both squads about their downfalls without truly taking a stand or a position. Grow a pair Skip and stand on a conviction for once. If you think Pittsburgh is the team to beat in the big game, then realize that they deserve to be there by pounding the teams that were supposedly better than them en route to the Forty Bowl. Pittsburgh is a good team, it’s time to recognize that. They beat Cincy, they pounded Indy (with our game plan of course) and they pounded Denver. They proved they were the best in the AFC. Believe it you hack. And if you continue this charade of yours, you won’t be able to write anymore, because you will continue to prove yourself to be lacking talent and writing skill continuously in a public forum.
ESPN.com page 2 is where you can read more of his manure, columns, I mean columns. I refuse to link to him anymore. He does not need to add to his army of dislike. He is dangerously close to getting more than hate mail from a lot of people in this country. I feel incredibly sorry for him.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
Skip Fiction...
I promised myself some time ago that I would get off Skip Bayless’ case when it comes to the negativity that floods his weekly columns. I decided that this week I would suspend that notion due to the fact that Mr. Bayless has once again lost his mind.
In his latest desperate plea for attention, Skip highlights his concerns about the ultimate bore that the annual Big Game will turn out to be. He discounts everything that the Steelers have accomplished this season. I am still waiting for the day that Skip decides he likes something enough to use his public forum to promote. In reading his column today, for many reasons I am refusing to link to, he pinpoints exactly all the places where Pittsburgh’s season could have, and should have gone wrong. First in the Cincy game, where Mr. Palmer suffered a potential rule changing injury at the hands of Kimo Von Olhauffenslausenvanderlaufen. If Carson isn’t hurt on the first offensive play of the game, Pitt loses. Fair enough, I can make that leap, it was early in the game, it was obvious Cincy was in complete control …(???)
Then, if Nick Harper doesn’t allow Ben Ruengrueter to make the tackle on his Bettis fumble recovery, Indy defeats the mighty Steel Curtain as well. Sure, makes sense to me. Further, if Champ Bailey, who doesn’t even have the desire to run the entire length of the field against the defending champs, picks off one of Ben’s early passes and returns it for a touchdown, the Donks win that one as well. And let’s go one step further, if the Donks don’t defeat the defending champs, Pitt dumps to them as well. So, after all of that, you can see that Pitt doesn’t deserve to be in the Big Game, let alone favorites as a 6 seed. Conveniently, in the NFC, the one seed plays in the worst division out there, nearly dumps to a niner team that won enough games to be in the Bush Bowl, dumps to the Giants who’s kicker mentally made the three field goals that he actually missed, and slipped past the Cowboys thanks to the ever clutch Drew Bledsoe. I can see how they should be favored in the Battle For the Forty Ounce Trophy.
I don’t think I will ever get tired of making fun of Skip. But I am still amazed that he cashes a check for this drivel every two weeks. I make stuff up for free, while he gets paid. Nice work Skip. Nice work.
Oh, and check out Deadspin to see my third favorite player in all his glory. Big Ben doing what young football millionaires should be doing...it's worth it, I swear on Skip's career.
In his latest desperate plea for attention, Skip highlights his concerns about the ultimate bore that the annual Big Game will turn out to be. He discounts everything that the Steelers have accomplished this season. I am still waiting for the day that Skip decides he likes something enough to use his public forum to promote. In reading his column today, for many reasons I am refusing to link to, he pinpoints exactly all the places where Pittsburgh’s season could have, and should have gone wrong. First in the Cincy game, where Mr. Palmer suffered a potential rule changing injury at the hands of Kimo Von Olhauffenslausenvanderlaufen. If Carson isn’t hurt on the first offensive play of the game, Pitt loses. Fair enough, I can make that leap, it was early in the game, it was obvious Cincy was in complete control …(???)
Then, if Nick Harper doesn’t allow Ben Ruengrueter to make the tackle on his Bettis fumble recovery, Indy defeats the mighty Steel Curtain as well. Sure, makes sense to me. Further, if Champ Bailey, who doesn’t even have the desire to run the entire length of the field against the defending champs, picks off one of Ben’s early passes and returns it for a touchdown, the Donks win that one as well. And let’s go one step further, if the Donks don’t defeat the defending champs, Pitt dumps to them as well. So, after all of that, you can see that Pitt doesn’t deserve to be in the Big Game, let alone favorites as a 6 seed. Conveniently, in the NFC, the one seed plays in the worst division out there, nearly dumps to a niner team that won enough games to be in the Bush Bowl, dumps to the Giants who’s kicker mentally made the three field goals that he actually missed, and slipped past the Cowboys thanks to the ever clutch Drew Bledsoe. I can see how they should be favored in the Battle For the Forty Ounce Trophy.
I don’t think I will ever get tired of making fun of Skip. But I am still amazed that he cashes a check for this drivel every two weeks. I make stuff up for free, while he gets paid. Nice work Skip. Nice work.
Oh, and check out Deadspin to see my third favorite player in all his glory. Big Ben doing what young football millionaires should be doing...it's worth it, I swear on Skip's career.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Report From Camp Brees...
It appears that in the most recent update available to me that our quarterback is in fact very optimistic about his recovery from his torn labrum procedure. It appears that he is ever anxious to get back to throwing a football and is “3 weeks” ahead of schedule. This is enough info to try to leverage the team back to the bargaining table for that ‘long term’ deal that Drew is seeking. Drew also mentioned that he is anxious to get back out onto the golf course. I’d say that in the legal community, their may be many who would be willing to take his civil case against Marty Schottenheimer for potentially ending his career.
Citing things like wanting to be a Charger for life and accomplishing the goals that he and Tomlinson have set for the team from day one dominated his little talk. Apparently they came to some sort of blood brother pact early on in their careers and neither will be satisfied until the Lombardi Iron is hoisted above a bolt helmet. I for one would like to see this more than most, preferably before I am hooked to a machine that feeds me and or keeps me from soiling myself in the public eye.
According to the report, Drew is only in a sling at night, or when he is having difficulty moving his shoulder in any way, shape or form that may resemble a football move. I hope that the optimism coming from Camp Brees is in fact contagious and well, true. I can only hope. I just hope that they used the extra strength super glue and duct tape when they repaired his shoulder so that he can withstand a hit from someone Phil Mickelson’s size on the football field. Who am I kidding? Phil could give Warren Sapp a run for his money in a scale breaking contest right now. Break out the truck scales and let’s get to the bottom of this. There may not be too many NFL’ers with Phil Nippleson’s girth right now. Sorry to harp on Phil in such a way, but man, the guy is even uh, ‘larger’ in person right now then on t.v., and they say that the cameras add some poundage. They must be filming him with about 12 lenses right now.
Expect more of the same from Camp Brees until the deal is signed. I am not holding my breath in the meantime.
Oh, and the big game this week? Frankly, I still can’t see Seattle winning this game. I expect most of them to take a detour out to four corners to sell the only remaining sunny day in Seattle and their souls to the devil himself for the Forty Ounce Championship. Steelers -4 looks good to me…
Citing things like wanting to be a Charger for life and accomplishing the goals that he and Tomlinson have set for the team from day one dominated his little talk. Apparently they came to some sort of blood brother pact early on in their careers and neither will be satisfied until the Lombardi Iron is hoisted above a bolt helmet. I for one would like to see this more than most, preferably before I am hooked to a machine that feeds me and or keeps me from soiling myself in the public eye.
According to the report, Drew is only in a sling at night, or when he is having difficulty moving his shoulder in any way, shape or form that may resemble a football move. I hope that the optimism coming from Camp Brees is in fact contagious and well, true. I can only hope. I just hope that they used the extra strength super glue and duct tape when they repaired his shoulder so that he can withstand a hit from someone Phil Mickelson’s size on the football field. Who am I kidding? Phil could give Warren Sapp a run for his money in a scale breaking contest right now. Break out the truck scales and let’s get to the bottom of this. There may not be too many NFL’ers with Phil Nippleson’s girth right now. Sorry to harp on Phil in such a way, but man, the guy is even uh, ‘larger’ in person right now then on t.v., and they say that the cameras add some poundage. They must be filming him with about 12 lenses right now.
Expect more of the same from Camp Brees until the deal is signed. I am not holding my breath in the meantime.
Oh, and the big game this week? Frankly, I still can’t see Seattle winning this game. I expect most of them to take a detour out to four corners to sell the only remaining sunny day in Seattle and their souls to the devil himself for the Forty Ounce Championship. Steelers -4 looks good to me…
Monday, January 23, 2006
Oh the Progress...
Not too much happening on the home front in terms of the footballing team. It's no secret that Drew is still in recovery from his dislocated appendage, and the long term deal that was on the table, has yet to be mentioned again. A gesture of good faith? Still not sure, but it would seem to me to be a bit um, 'aggressive' to be talking about long term deals without proof of a professional skill set. I mean, you are going to have to at least audition and prove that you can make the ball go forward, preferably in the air for some distance. Hopefully something that resembles a spiral, not a wounded mallard.
The 'Transition' designation is of course a possibility. More than likely a reality. In the most basic sense, it is a form of a franchise tag that doesn't have any financial guarantee attached to it. For more explanation, find google and learn to use it.
In other football news, things went relatively according to plan. Pittsburgh made the Donkeys rue the day they put the old number 16 on the same old Jake. Two picks and two fumbles made for a household full of sad donkey fans. To say that the Charger fans in attendance were enjoying themselves is an understatement, as chants of 'IN-COM-PLETE' were echoing through the room, albeit when the Donks were dropping Jake's ducks. Text messages were being sent from five feet across the room to further drive the point home. At one point, when the game was in full embarrassment mode, I started to get angry at the Donks, they were beginning to embarrass the entire division, not just themselves. Someone inquired as to why I was cheering against the AFC West, since that is where we reside as well. Apparently if we can't be in, I should root for the teams in our division that are. Well, that's a bunch of Donkey turd and never, ever will I cheer for anyone in our division. Unless they get food poisoning, or stuck in prison for eternity.
The Hawks handled the crippled version of the Panthers that took the field on Sunday. After the motorcade of ambulances dropped off the team at Quest Field, it only got worse. The third string running back forgot who he was and the game was effectively over. The Panthers are tough and deep, but they couldn't even overcome this.
Super Bowl Fourty Ounce is in two weeks. The Steelers are favorites and rightly so. I have heard talk that a six seed shouldn't ever be a favorite, but I think the discrepancy between the two leagues is fairly evident by now. Pitt should handle the mandatory three point spread. The Hawks just still haven't done it for me, I haven't seen the championship form from them yet, and at this point I doubt I will. My ducats will be rolling on Ben and the gang. So it has been told...
The 'Transition' designation is of course a possibility. More than likely a reality. In the most basic sense, it is a form of a franchise tag that doesn't have any financial guarantee attached to it. For more explanation, find google and learn to use it.
In other football news, things went relatively according to plan. Pittsburgh made the Donkeys rue the day they put the old number 16 on the same old Jake. Two picks and two fumbles made for a household full of sad donkey fans. To say that the Charger fans in attendance were enjoying themselves is an understatement, as chants of 'IN-COM-PLETE' were echoing through the room, albeit when the Donks were dropping Jake's ducks. Text messages were being sent from five feet across the room to further drive the point home. At one point, when the game was in full embarrassment mode, I started to get angry at the Donks, they were beginning to embarrass the entire division, not just themselves. Someone inquired as to why I was cheering against the AFC West, since that is where we reside as well. Apparently if we can't be in, I should root for the teams in our division that are. Well, that's a bunch of Donkey turd and never, ever will I cheer for anyone in our division. Unless they get food poisoning, or stuck in prison for eternity.
The Hawks handled the crippled version of the Panthers that took the field on Sunday. After the motorcade of ambulances dropped off the team at Quest Field, it only got worse. The third string running back forgot who he was and the game was effectively over. The Panthers are tough and deep, but they couldn't even overcome this.
Super Bowl Fourty Ounce is in two weeks. The Steelers are favorites and rightly so. I have heard talk that a six seed shouldn't ever be a favorite, but I think the discrepancy between the two leagues is fairly evident by now. Pitt should handle the mandatory three point spread. The Hawks just still haven't done it for me, I haven't seen the championship form from them yet, and at this point I doubt I will. My ducats will be rolling on Ben and the gang. So it has been told...
Monday, January 16, 2006
Stupid is as Stupid Does...
As you have heard, the Chargers have withdrawn their desire to have a vote to have public funds allocated for a new stadium. I can’t really blame them since Bruce Henderson and Michael Aguirre are still on watch down here to snuff all of the fun out of the town. Even if the vote were to pass by a surprisingly staggering majority, Mr. Henderson would soil his diaper in a public forum and then whine and cry about it until he convinced a few people to get on his no fun wagon. Then we’d have some ridiculous construction delay causing us to lose a year or two of our new facility, thereby increasing the construction costs due to delays, and about $100 million of upgrades would have to come out of our new baseball park…. I mean football stadium. Football Stadium.
It now seems as if it won’t really make a difference, as the Chargers are seeking private investment dollars instead of public funds. Since the city’s lease with the team expires in 2007, we have less than two years to come up with oh, say, $450 million to keep our team, who is severely lacking in coaching leadership and now has a one armed quarterback, and a very capable backup that throws like a girl, I mean Dan Marino, he throws like Dan Marino.
So, in 2008, our team is going to move to Los Angeles to give that great market for football their third chance at a professional franchise. And the Los Angelesians will have a team to go not watch, again. PETA will have another spot to launch their wonderfully effective propaganda, I mean, protests about using the bacon flavored remains of a pig to play the game that nobody will go watch, again.
Any suggestions are welcome as to who I am going to be rooting for in 2008…as of now the Argonauts are the leading vote getters…
It now seems as if it won’t really make a difference, as the Chargers are seeking private investment dollars instead of public funds. Since the city’s lease with the team expires in 2007, we have less than two years to come up with oh, say, $450 million to keep our team, who is severely lacking in coaching leadership and now has a one armed quarterback, and a very capable backup that throws like a girl, I mean Dan Marino, he throws like Dan Marino.
So, in 2008, our team is going to move to Los Angeles to give that great market for football their third chance at a professional franchise. And the Los Angelesians will have a team to go not watch, again. PETA will have another spot to launch their wonderfully effective propaganda, I mean, protests about using the bacon flavored remains of a pig to play the game that nobody will go watch, again.
Any suggestions are welcome as to who I am going to be rooting for in 2008…as of now the Argonauts are the leading vote getters…
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
In for the Long Haul???
Well, tonight it is reported that the Chargers and Drew Brees are talking a 'long' term contract. Not that Mr. Brees could lift the pen right now to sign on the 'x' if A.J. and the boys put a contract out there on the table. Maybe that's their game, put out the long term deal worth bazillions of dollars and have a good laugh when he can't pic up the scribbling utensil. Cold guys. Just cold.
I have to say I was a bit shocked to hear this. I didn't think that the Chargers would pony up a barrel full of ducats for a one armed quarterback at the moment. I figured a franchise tag and an invitation to camp to see that he didn' t do his best Dave Dravecky imitation. So I guess the next natural thing is a long term deal. Is this a gesture of good faith? Or is it the real deal? I have no idea at this point. I guess we just wait and see.
And negative points go to the Union Tribune, and the signonsandiego.com website for not reporting that Drew's doc is in the hospital. You'd think that this would be important enough to talk about. This paper does more and more each day to improve their credibility. I love that paper. I wish I could pay for a subscription.
I have to say I was a bit shocked to hear this. I didn't think that the Chargers would pony up a barrel full of ducats for a one armed quarterback at the moment. I figured a franchise tag and an invitation to camp to see that he didn' t do his best Dave Dravecky imitation. So I guess the next natural thing is a long term deal. Is this a gesture of good faith? Or is it the real deal? I have no idea at this point. I guess we just wait and see.
And negative points go to the Union Tribune, and the signonsandiego.com website for not reporting that Drew's doc is in the hospital. You'd think that this would be important enough to talk about. This paper does more and more each day to improve their credibility. I love that paper. I wish I could pay for a subscription.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
It Keeps Getting Better...
Thanks to the Deadspin guys for having the report of one Dr. James Andrews of Birmingham, Alabama, suffering a heart attack. He is reportedly in intensive care doing well. If you haven't checked out their site yet, hit the link on the right you unadventurous sack.
Why is this important? He is the one who did the cut and paste on our quarterback's shoulder. He is also the man who has attempted to repair the damage to one Jeff Bagwell as well. We can now have the official, who will recover better from their surgery obligatory round of betting. Although, I am not sure what procedure Bagwell had done to his joint. And quite frankly I don't care. I just want to gamble on this, and this might be my only opportunity.
Why is this important? He is the one who did the cut and paste on our quarterback's shoulder. He is also the man who has attempted to repair the damage to one Jeff Bagwell as well. We can now have the official, who will recover better from their surgery obligatory round of betting. Although, I am not sure what procedure Bagwell had done to his joint. And quite frankly I don't care. I just want to gamble on this, and this might be my only opportunity.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Festering Thoughts...
I have had a bit of time to reflect on the developments of Saturday a bit more thoroughly and I have for the time being, managed to push the nightmare that is the labrum procedure to the back of the line in what is becoming a laundry list of problems with that game. I sat thinking about this while reading Simmons’ a few minutes ago. He had a mailbag day, and the participants were giving out various fantasy awards for the players that most often ruined their game of Dungeon’s and Dragons, for adults of course. Yep, people complaining about their various fantasy football teams because someone that is actually in the NFL, didn’t have an exemplary day or year or worse suffered an injury, usually the season ending kind. These ‘GM’s’ actually whined and cried to Bill Simmons about it. Sorry, but I can rip these guys for about two days, I’ll move on. One guy wanted to give Tomlinson an award, the “Thurman Thomas Super Bowl Killer Award”. Which by definition is the award that goes to, “The player to whom without there would be no way your fantasy team would get to the Super Bowl, only to watch him kill you once you’re there.” Needless to say that the guy that wrote this is an absolute hose that needs to get out from in front of his computer a bit more than one weekend a month. He went on to mention that Tomlinson killed not one but two of his fantasy teams at the end of this season. Yep, this is a disease that most twelve year olds outgrew when their parents kicked them in the ass and sent them outside, not these guys, not one but two fantasy teams. Both with Tomlinson. Sorry I’m doing it again. Here is my question, as I know you are wondering if this is going anywhere. Why was Tomlinson so bad in the last quarter of the season, was it the injury that occurred in the Raider game? Was he hurt? What was going on?
How hurt was Tomlinson? He was ineffective the last four games of the season. Didn’t get over a hundred yards, didn’t score a touchdown until Saturday. We sure were throwing the ball a lot. 53 times against the Dolphins, 33 against the Colts, a week that found the Burner in the game with it on the line, not #21. 33 against the Chiefers in the rain. He didn’t get a lot of carries, he wasn’t scoring, he was relatively ineffective. How hurt was he? Was this more serious than we thought?
So we move to Saturday, against the Donkeys. Tomlinson and Brees are in the starting lineup. The boys want to get Marty his tenth win so he can hang his golf hat on that in January. So the starters start. A meaningless game. Truly meaningless to everyone but the Steelers, and if you think they were counting on us then you probably think our coach is good. If Tomlinson was showing any effects of a rib injury that had him sitting out one of the biggest games of the year with it on the line late in the fourth quarter, what the hell was he doing in the game against the Broncos? If he was hurt, he had no business being there. If he was 100% healthy, which you are going to have a very difficult time convincing me of, what the hell was he doing in there? Instead of #21 being the victim, it wound up being our Quarterback, who management has forced into a very expendable position due to some lingering performance issues. None of them should have been in the game. Now we have a dilemma. Not one that would make even the Jets envious. That’s good coaching. Ten wins. Ten wins. I can’t believe this has happened.
Best case scenario, we lose one year. This labrum stuff is a very big deal. It is a very big deal. Worst case scenario, we franchise our injured Quarterback, pay him $10MM for next year, and shuffle between him and the new guy while his injury is sorted out. If it winds up being the new guy, we lose three years. This is fun. I love football.
How hurt was Tomlinson? He was ineffective the last four games of the season. Didn’t get over a hundred yards, didn’t score a touchdown until Saturday. We sure were throwing the ball a lot. 53 times against the Dolphins, 33 against the Colts, a week that found the Burner in the game with it on the line, not #21. 33 against the Chiefers in the rain. He didn’t get a lot of carries, he wasn’t scoring, he was relatively ineffective. How hurt was he? Was this more serious than we thought?
So we move to Saturday, against the Donkeys. Tomlinson and Brees are in the starting lineup. The boys want to get Marty his tenth win so he can hang his golf hat on that in January. So the starters start. A meaningless game. Truly meaningless to everyone but the Steelers, and if you think they were counting on us then you probably think our coach is good. If Tomlinson was showing any effects of a rib injury that had him sitting out one of the biggest games of the year with it on the line late in the fourth quarter, what the hell was he doing in the game against the Broncos? If he was hurt, he had no business being there. If he was 100% healthy, which you are going to have a very difficult time convincing me of, what the hell was he doing in there? Instead of #21 being the victim, it wound up being our Quarterback, who management has forced into a very expendable position due to some lingering performance issues. None of them should have been in the game. Now we have a dilemma. Not one that would make even the Jets envious. That’s good coaching. Ten wins. Ten wins. I can’t believe this has happened.
Best case scenario, we lose one year. This labrum stuff is a very big deal. It is a very big deal. Worst case scenario, we franchise our injured Quarterback, pay him $10MM for next year, and shuffle between him and the new guy while his injury is sorted out. If it winds up being the new guy, we lose three years. This is fun. I love football.
Monday, January 02, 2006
How a Season Goes Bad...
What was supposed to be an uneventful final week against the Donkeys has turned into something that is quite significant and not at all completely devastating. We are missing the playoffs, we are colossally inconsistent as a football team, and now we are staring at an enormous problem at the quarterback position. I don’t think people understand what happened on Saturday.
It has been revealed that Drew Brees has torn his labrum. The labrum is a very different type of cartilage in the joints. It was torn from the bone when Drew attempted to recover a fumble that was created when he was sacked from behind by John Lynch. This isn’t the time to talk about how poorly that side of the offensive line has been playing in the absence of Roman Oben. When Drew was landed on by 43 different Donkeys, his shoulder dislocated from the joint and the cartilage was torn from the bone. The problem that now presents itself is that this is not like a normal dislocation of the shoulder. The labrum deepens the socket and stabilizes the bone when it is in it’s normal position in the joint. For whatever reason, the procedure for repair of this type of cartilage does not fully repair the injury. In throwing sports, i.e. pitchers and quarterbacks, the surgery/rehab does not fully correct the problem. In fact, this can be career threatening. As far as I know, there have not been many success stories for people who have had this procedure who in fact have one of those jobs where throwing a ball is their main priority. In the past few years, there have have been two quarterbacks that I know of that have had this procedure, both are now out of professional football. Troy Glaus and Todd Greene have had this procedure and have recovered, although, neither are required to throw 100 pitches, or 40 passes per game.
Management’s assessment will now be more interesting. We do have a young top draft pick who is being paid significant amounts of money to hold a clipboard. We now have a quarterback who a) has no contract, b) has a very significant injury, and c) slightly regressed from his pro bowl 2004. I could already see some signs that management was not fully supporting Brees after we secured our January tee times. Now that his arm is in question, I cannot imagine seeing him in a Charger uniform next year. I am not sure I have completely registered this to date.
I don’t know if this could have been avoided. I did mention before the kickoff that I was a bit disappointed that the North Carolina State standout was not getting the start. I was hoping to see a lot of Phillip Rivers handing off to Michael Turner, and not a whole lot of #9 and #21. I didn’t think that anything like this would happen, but I would be lying if I said that I was happy to see Drew and Ladainian playing in this game. Ten wins be damned, look what happened. I have been making light of the coaching problems that we have. I did not expect this. I will have more to say when this really settles in.
Labrum info found here:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/orthopedicsurgery/labrumtear.html
It has been revealed that Drew Brees has torn his labrum. The labrum is a very different type of cartilage in the joints. It was torn from the bone when Drew attempted to recover a fumble that was created when he was sacked from behind by John Lynch. This isn’t the time to talk about how poorly that side of the offensive line has been playing in the absence of Roman Oben. When Drew was landed on by 43 different Donkeys, his shoulder dislocated from the joint and the cartilage was torn from the bone. The problem that now presents itself is that this is not like a normal dislocation of the shoulder. The labrum deepens the socket and stabilizes the bone when it is in it’s normal position in the joint. For whatever reason, the procedure for repair of this type of cartilage does not fully repair the injury. In throwing sports, i.e. pitchers and quarterbacks, the surgery/rehab does not fully correct the problem. In fact, this can be career threatening. As far as I know, there have not been many success stories for people who have had this procedure who in fact have one of those jobs where throwing a ball is their main priority. In the past few years, there have have been two quarterbacks that I know of that have had this procedure, both are now out of professional football. Troy Glaus and Todd Greene have had this procedure and have recovered, although, neither are required to throw 100 pitches, or 40 passes per game.
Management’s assessment will now be more interesting. We do have a young top draft pick who is being paid significant amounts of money to hold a clipboard. We now have a quarterback who a) has no contract, b) has a very significant injury, and c) slightly regressed from his pro bowl 2004. I could already see some signs that management was not fully supporting Brees after we secured our January tee times. Now that his arm is in question, I cannot imagine seeing him in a Charger uniform next year. I am not sure I have completely registered this to date.
I don’t know if this could have been avoided. I did mention before the kickoff that I was a bit disappointed that the North Carolina State standout was not getting the start. I was hoping to see a lot of Phillip Rivers handing off to Michael Turner, and not a whole lot of #9 and #21. I didn’t think that anything like this would happen, but I would be lying if I said that I was happy to see Drew and Ladainian playing in this game. Ten wins be damned, look what happened. I have been making light of the coaching problems that we have. I did not expect this. I will have more to say when this really settles in.
Labrum info found here:
http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/orthopedicsurgery/labrumtear.html
Sunday, December 25, 2005
Good Bye Good Luck...
Your team failing to show up for what amounts to a playoff game on Christmas Eve can ruin sixteen weeks of dedication. Nice work by everyone involved to mail this one in. Extra special thanks to everyone who failed to realize that without a reason the season ended today. I hope everyone involved gets coal in their stocking and gonorrhea in their iced tea…
Go 'Skins...
Go 'Skins...
Wednesday, December 21, 2005
The Train's Leaving for Crazytown...
Woody Page has lost his mind. Again. This should come as no surprise to anyone. It’s been well documented across the world and the web, and today’s episode with Woody did not disappoint. He was in close proximity to Skip Bayless may have had something to do with the crazy that was emitting from his vocal hole. What are we going to do with you Woody? Your existence makes me realize that, with enough practice, I can too someday earn a paycheck running my mouth…
When speaking about this upcoming game with the Kansas City Chiefs, Woody went off the deep end. He held a sign as he plummeted downward. On said sign was his prediction for this Sunday’s game. Chiefs a lot, something in the neighborhood of 27, Chargers a little, around 10 or generously 13. Surprisingly, he totaled Larry Johnson’s numbers around 212 yards and a handful of touchdowns. Against us.
Does someone need to remind Mr. Page that we have not given up one hundred yards on the ground in a bit more than a season? That we have held every running back that has faced us this season, including, Clinton “Bro-Sweets” Portis, Edgerrin James, Rickonnie Browilliams, Lamont Jordan, Curtis Martin, and the Priest? Possibly ending the latter’s career? What do we need to do? Does he think that one of the most dominating fronts in football may take the weekend off? That Shawne Merriman may dook his shorts at the sight of the former Penn Stater? That Jamal Williams, Luis Castillo, and the rest of the crew are going to be intimidated by a Chef? I’m confused…
My only thought is that Mr. Page just wants to say something so outrageous that either he looks like a genius, or everyone just continues to write him off as some crazy old coot with a chalkboard and a parrot and he’s not accountable. I would encourage all of you to email him an audio clip of Nelson Muntz from the Simpson’s soundboard immediately following the inevitable tear drops of one Vermiel. Perhaps we can get Gunther Cunningham to raise his middle finger again.
Hope you enjoy fifteen more minutes Woody. Cause when we line up in victory formation and Mr. Brees runs my favorite play, getting a grass stain on his knee, I will be laughing and warming up my fingers to fill your email inbox with Nelson’s happy laughter.
When speaking about this upcoming game with the Kansas City Chiefs, Woody went off the deep end. He held a sign as he plummeted downward. On said sign was his prediction for this Sunday’s game. Chiefs a lot, something in the neighborhood of 27, Chargers a little, around 10 or generously 13. Surprisingly, he totaled Larry Johnson’s numbers around 212 yards and a handful of touchdowns. Against us.
Does someone need to remind Mr. Page that we have not given up one hundred yards on the ground in a bit more than a season? That we have held every running back that has faced us this season, including, Clinton “Bro-Sweets” Portis, Edgerrin James, Rickonnie Browilliams, Lamont Jordan, Curtis Martin, and the Priest? Possibly ending the latter’s career? What do we need to do? Does he think that one of the most dominating fronts in football may take the weekend off? That Shawne Merriman may dook his shorts at the sight of the former Penn Stater? That Jamal Williams, Luis Castillo, and the rest of the crew are going to be intimidated by a Chef? I’m confused…
My only thought is that Mr. Page just wants to say something so outrageous that either he looks like a genius, or everyone just continues to write him off as some crazy old coot with a chalkboard and a parrot and he’s not accountable. I would encourage all of you to email him an audio clip of Nelson Muntz from the Simpson’s soundboard immediately following the inevitable tear drops of one Vermiel. Perhaps we can get Gunther Cunningham to raise his middle finger again.
Hope you enjoy fifteen more minutes Woody. Cause when we line up in victory formation and Mr. Brees runs my favorite play, getting a grass stain on his knee, I will be laughing and warming up my fingers to fill your email inbox with Nelson’s happy laughter.
Monday, December 19, 2005
Make a Manning Cry Monday...
The season is alive. I cannot begin to express the roller coaster vomit train that we have been front and center on without the aid of a safety bar. Whilst some around here are not in a state of mind to heavily praise our efforts, I would do just that had I the ability to complement everyone involved in this tremendous victory and the space to do it here. So let’s leave it at this, unlike last week, everyone wearing a bolt on their person yesterday gets a big thumbs up. Huge accolades for one and all. As my cohort was overheard saying at about o’noon thirty as the victory was being sealed by the feet of one Michael “The Burner” Turner, “The ’72 Dolphins owe us a boat party!!!”. So tomorrow at lunch I will be sending out the invitations. Maybe the guys over at Deadspin.com can forward my invitation to Freddy Smoot. I feel that it’s only right that he be there. Mercury Morris? Nick Buonaconti, Don Shula, The Csonk, I’m waiting by the phone, there’s a bay here close by, and we can get cake.
There were a few observations that I made while trying my damnedest to keep my composure during the awful six minute stretch in the third quarter. Shawne Merriman is a beast. World class heavyweight monster. Demarcus Ware? Big word for cat that begins with P compared to our guy. Merriman had landed himself in the not so favorite pile after his temper tantrum rookie holdout at the advice of one of the Postons. It has taken a whopping fourteen weeks for me to forget that little ‘incident’ in the preseason. His play this weekend will have Older Manning returning to his folks place for a diaper change prior to the beginning of the playoffs. And don’t think that Younger Manning wasn’t watching with tears in his greedy little eyes. Congrats and thanks to Mr. Merriman, who now needs a nickname more than ever.
Michael Turner. The Burner. This guy has found his way into the hearts of Charger fans everywhere with his incredible work as backup to the best. He know he won’t be getting a starting job here, and is undoubtedly auditioning for his own job somewhere else with every single carry. There has been interest in making a trade for our favorite backup runner. After Sunday, his stock could not be any higher. He knows his role here and is content, for now. But I would say that I’d be shocked to see him in his Bolt 33 next season. Wish it were not the case but, I’d like to see him doing well somewhere. Thanks Burner.
During the third quarter ulcer stretch as it will be known, stomach linings were being eaten away at the prospect of what might have been. The quarterback was making mistakes, turning the ball over, and the game was swinging wildly in their favor. I couldn’t help but think, ‘If this slips away, we may be on the verge of the Phillip Rivers era...’. Couldn’t shake those thoughts as the interception, fumble, interception trio marked that six minute stretch. I was having visions of not a jolly old fat man brining a passes to the playoffs this year, but another not so jolly fat man with a with the deed to our football team, exiling the quarterback in favor of the unproven rookie. Let it be known that I don’t think we are out of the woods here yet… call me paranoid, but we need the playoffs.
What’s next? Well, I think we all know that… something inspirational tomorrow.
There were a few observations that I made while trying my damnedest to keep my composure during the awful six minute stretch in the third quarter. Shawne Merriman is a beast. World class heavyweight monster. Demarcus Ware? Big word for cat that begins with P compared to our guy. Merriman had landed himself in the not so favorite pile after his temper tantrum rookie holdout at the advice of one of the Postons. It has taken a whopping fourteen weeks for me to forget that little ‘incident’ in the preseason. His play this weekend will have Older Manning returning to his folks place for a diaper change prior to the beginning of the playoffs. And don’t think that Younger Manning wasn’t watching with tears in his greedy little eyes. Congrats and thanks to Mr. Merriman, who now needs a nickname more than ever.
Michael Turner. The Burner. This guy has found his way into the hearts of Charger fans everywhere with his incredible work as backup to the best. He know he won’t be getting a starting job here, and is undoubtedly auditioning for his own job somewhere else with every single carry. There has been interest in making a trade for our favorite backup runner. After Sunday, his stock could not be any higher. He knows his role here and is content, for now. But I would say that I’d be shocked to see him in his Bolt 33 next season. Wish it were not the case but, I’d like to see him doing well somewhere. Thanks Burner.
During the third quarter ulcer stretch as it will be known, stomach linings were being eaten away at the prospect of what might have been. The quarterback was making mistakes, turning the ball over, and the game was swinging wildly in their favor. I couldn’t help but think, ‘If this slips away, we may be on the verge of the Phillip Rivers era...’. Couldn’t shake those thoughts as the interception, fumble, interception trio marked that six minute stretch. I was having visions of not a jolly old fat man brining a passes to the playoffs this year, but another not so jolly fat man with a with the deed to our football team, exiling the quarterback in favor of the unproven rookie. Let it be known that I don’t think we are out of the woods here yet… call me paranoid, but we need the playoffs.
What’s next? Well, I think we all know that… something inspirational tomorrow.
Okay, what?
Now I'm not going to go on and bother talking about the several near fatal heart attacks I had during the Bolts epic victory over the unbeatable Colts (which, I might add, completed our season sweep of the Manning family). I'm not going to get into game specifics or how Shawn Merriman kind of frightens me a little. I'm not going to lavish praise on Mr. Burner for his game clinching touchdown sprint (He does not look like he can go that fast), no matter how much he deserves it. I'm not even going to mention these things, cause, let's face it, if you're reading this crap, then you were watching the game. You don't need me to tell you about Luis Castillo's key sack late in the game. I don't have to blather on and on about Antonio Gates going over 1000 yards receiving on the year. There's no way in hell I'm going say anything like, "I've been saying all year that the Colts defense may be better, but there are still holes in there," or "Did you see Peyton Manning almost start crying when he was unable to avenge his little brother?" And, of course, the reason I don't care to go on and on and on about the amazing road show yesterday is that it doesn't mean squat if we don't make it past the new year. If that Colts game is all we have to hang our hats on come postseason, well, then 2006 is already a poopy year.
Now, as far as getting where we need to go, that's pretty simple. We need to win out. And we need some help. Some would say, a lot of help. KC is pretty much out of it, and I'm sure they're going to love the opportunity to spoil our chances at their house next week, but for this postseason possibilities perspectives and predictions (or "How I learned about football with the help of alliteration) let's assume the Chargers spank the Chiefs and the Broncos. Now, the most far fetched possibility is that the Raiders beat the Broncs on Sunday and we end up winning the AFC West. This is obviously the best thing that could happen because then it wouldn't matter whether stupid Pittsburgh beat us in the regular season or not, because we just sodomized them with the rules! Now we can still beat Pittsburgh for a spot if they somehow end up dropping a game to one of the fine high school football teams that somehow got onto their schedule in the next couple of weeks. I'm finding this one hard to believe, so I guess we have to assume we're not going to make it. Oh well, at least we played some good games and had a winning record. We'll be back strong next year and-wait a minute. There has to be something I'm missing. Let me take a look at my notes...
We never played Jacksonville this year, did we? To read what the talking sports heads have been writing, you'd think that the Jags were already assured their spot. But if we win out and Jacksonville loses one, by my understanding of the rules, we would beat them in all the tie-breaking criteria. I know they have two easy games, but how could anybody who saw them play Frisco yesterday think it's impossible for them to blow one? So look for this one to be the winning scenario. Sweet! See you in the post season. Go Bolts!!!
Now, as far as getting where we need to go, that's pretty simple. We need to win out. And we need some help. Some would say, a lot of help. KC is pretty much out of it, and I'm sure they're going to love the opportunity to spoil our chances at their house next week, but for this postseason possibilities perspectives and predictions (or "How I learned about football with the help of alliteration) let's assume the Chargers spank the Chiefs and the Broncos. Now, the most far fetched possibility is that the Raiders beat the Broncs on Sunday and we end up winning the AFC West. This is obviously the best thing that could happen because then it wouldn't matter whether stupid Pittsburgh beat us in the regular season or not, because we just sodomized them with the rules! Now we can still beat Pittsburgh for a spot if they somehow end up dropping a game to one of the fine high school football teams that somehow got onto their schedule in the next couple of weeks. I'm finding this one hard to believe, so I guess we have to assume we're not going to make it. Oh well, at least we played some good games and had a winning record. We'll be back strong next year and-wait a minute. There has to be something I'm missing. Let me take a look at my notes...
We never played Jacksonville this year, did we? To read what the talking sports heads have been writing, you'd think that the Jags were already assured their spot. But if we win out and Jacksonville loses one, by my understanding of the rules, we would beat them in all the tie-breaking criteria. I know they have two easy games, but how could anybody who saw them play Frisco yesterday think it's impossible for them to blow one? So look for this one to be the winning scenario. Sweet! See you in the post season. Go Bolts!!!
Friday, December 16, 2005
T-Minus 48 Hours...
Well it’s no secret that we are not on everyone’s win list against the Colts this weekend. And if our attempt at the unbeaten Colts looks anything like our effort against the Dolphins last weekend, not only will we lose, but the commissioner might call us up and fine the hell out of us for pretending to be a good team for thirteen weeks of the 2005 season. I for one am not ready to admit that we can’t beat the Colts this weekend for a few reasons. Since I am not feeling particularly articulate about this topic due to a severe lack of confidence, you get the ugliness of bullet point format…
• The Colts, until I am proven otherwise, are the best team in football right this moment.
• The Colts have accomplished a perfect season to this point, beating all of their competition, doing exactly what they need to do. Much like the undefeated college teams that maintain a number one ranking for a few seasons, people start to look for reasons why they don’t deserve to be number one. Level of competition, easy schedule, etc. Bottom line, they have won every game. The best team usually does just that.
• The Colts have played what I believe to be two tough games this season. Jacksonville is not, not, not a good football team.
• The Chargers will be a very tough game for them. I believe that the Chargers are at least as good as Cincinnati, and better than Pittsburgh (yes I know we lost to them).
• Freddy Smoot is my favorite non-Charger in the league right now. Sorry but that needed to be said. “70% of the earth is covered with water. The rest is covered by Smoot.” That other 30% now includes NFL receivers and porn star strippers.
• Leap of Faith: The Chargers cannot lose this game. Everyone keeps saying that. If they do, they don’t belong in the playoffs. If they come out flat again, I’m quitting football for at least three and a half hours.
• The Chargers may need to score 50 this week in order to win.
• The Chargers need to shorten the game. Keep Horrible Manning Version 1.0 off of the field.
• Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Coach? Coach? Got it? Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson.
I can’t say anymore about this. We need to win. We have a hell of a challenge against us. Can we win and right the ship? I am going to spend the next two days convincing myself that we can…
• The Colts, until I am proven otherwise, are the best team in football right this moment.
• The Colts have accomplished a perfect season to this point, beating all of their competition, doing exactly what they need to do. Much like the undefeated college teams that maintain a number one ranking for a few seasons, people start to look for reasons why they don’t deserve to be number one. Level of competition, easy schedule, etc. Bottom line, they have won every game. The best team usually does just that.
• The Colts have played what I believe to be two tough games this season. Jacksonville is not, not, not a good football team.
• The Chargers will be a very tough game for them. I believe that the Chargers are at least as good as Cincinnati, and better than Pittsburgh (yes I know we lost to them).
• Freddy Smoot is my favorite non-Charger in the league right now. Sorry but that needed to be said. “70% of the earth is covered with water. The rest is covered by Smoot.” That other 30% now includes NFL receivers and porn star strippers.
• Leap of Faith: The Chargers cannot lose this game. Everyone keeps saying that. If they do, they don’t belong in the playoffs. If they come out flat again, I’m quitting football for at least three and a half hours.
• The Chargers may need to score 50 this week in order to win.
• The Chargers need to shorten the game. Keep Horrible Manning Version 1.0 off of the field.
• Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Coach? Coach? Got it? Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson. Ladainian Tomlinson.
I can’t say anymore about this. We need to win. We have a hell of a challenge against us. Can we win and right the ship? I am going to spend the next two days convincing myself that we can…
Tuesday, December 13, 2005
I'm Better, But Still Far From Okay...
Now that everyone else should clearly be focusing on the daunting task that is facing us, I wanted to take one more opportunity to visit the bad weekend that we just had. Effectively taking a self inflicted blow from a sledgehammer to the groin. I was starting to realize that since everyone who was wearing lightning over the weekend was responsible for that lack of effort, I read from the UT this morning, Coach spouting off these gems,
"We didn't play to the level we're capable of playing," coach Marty Schottenheimer said during his weekly news conference. "Flat? No. And certainly not the product of overlooking the Miami Dolphins.”
We didn’t play to the level we’re capable of playing? No kidding. I wasn’t quite sure that sucking for 3 quarters was the level of play we were trying to achieve. In fact, in all of the losses we have had some bad aspects to the game, early secondary problems, sometimes a lack of a pass rush, sometimes bad coaching, a few mistakes and marginal performances by the quarterback, but never all materializing in the same game. That’s what we saw on Sunday. Everybody was bad. Everyone. And maybe you’re right, we didn’t look flat, we looked like “Tookie” Williams, at around midnight this morning only not as big. We looked so much worse than flat.
"I think it is widely acknowledged in the National Football League that there are no gimme games," Schottenheimer said. "I told you last week Miami has a good defense; it's hard to score points on the Miami Dolphins."
This is our leader, the guy that has never won anything meaningful. I can picture little Marty in his footie pajamas, removing his thumb from his mouth, turning to the microphones and squeaking out, “I told you last week, it’s hard to score points, it’s hard, it’s really tough!” Hey Marty, grow up. Take some responsibility in the fact that we sucked this weekend, and yes you are partially accountable. Don’t cry to me like my niece staring over a plate of peas. Quit acting like a five year old, and behave like the professional football coach that you have been imitating for years now. If it’s so tough to score points against Miami, how are you planning on doing it against the Colts, or Denver, or anyone else that might actually be a playoff caliber team? Oh, and that whole business of yelling at the refs when they didn’t give us the ball after the onsides kick with half a second left in the game, maybe if you had translated that intensity to the players in the third quarter when Miami was lubing us up, we might not be walking with a collective limp today.
This is our football coach. This is the guy. Everyone makes fun and jokes about how he has never won a big game. It’s not a joke. It’s real. It was real last January, and if we’re lucky, depending on your view, we’ll see it again. But probably not this year, and the outcome will be the same. Disappointing.
"We didn't play to the level we're capable of playing," coach Marty Schottenheimer said during his weekly news conference. "Flat? No. And certainly not the product of overlooking the Miami Dolphins.”
We didn’t play to the level we’re capable of playing? No kidding. I wasn’t quite sure that sucking for 3 quarters was the level of play we were trying to achieve. In fact, in all of the losses we have had some bad aspects to the game, early secondary problems, sometimes a lack of a pass rush, sometimes bad coaching, a few mistakes and marginal performances by the quarterback, but never all materializing in the same game. That’s what we saw on Sunday. Everybody was bad. Everyone. And maybe you’re right, we didn’t look flat, we looked like “Tookie” Williams, at around midnight this morning only not as big. We looked so much worse than flat.
"I think it is widely acknowledged in the National Football League that there are no gimme games," Schottenheimer said. "I told you last week Miami has a good defense; it's hard to score points on the Miami Dolphins."
This is our leader, the guy that has never won anything meaningful. I can picture little Marty in his footie pajamas, removing his thumb from his mouth, turning to the microphones and squeaking out, “I told you last week, it’s hard to score points, it’s hard, it’s really tough!” Hey Marty, grow up. Take some responsibility in the fact that we sucked this weekend, and yes you are partially accountable. Don’t cry to me like my niece staring over a plate of peas. Quit acting like a five year old, and behave like the professional football coach that you have been imitating for years now. If it’s so tough to score points against Miami, how are you planning on doing it against the Colts, or Denver, or anyone else that might actually be a playoff caliber team? Oh, and that whole business of yelling at the refs when they didn’t give us the ball after the onsides kick with half a second left in the game, maybe if you had translated that intensity to the players in the third quarter when Miami was lubing us up, we might not be walking with a collective limp today.
This is our football coach. This is the guy. Everyone makes fun and jokes about how he has never won a big game. It’s not a joke. It’s real. It was real last January, and if we’re lucky, depending on your view, we’ll see it again. But probably not this year, and the outcome will be the same. Disappointing.
Monday, December 12, 2005
I'm Pretty Fu*king Far From Okay...
Everything is now more complicated. We waltzed into our stadium on Sunday, played great football for the first quarter of the game. Realizing that we were playing good football and totally dominating the quarter with over twelve minutes of possession, we let up and started doing our impression of an unbeaten, unbeatable team. We started getting cute, talking a lot, being cute with the play calling although still running the unbelievably vanilla offense. Doing things like throwing the ball all over the field out of unimaginative formations to receivers running uninspired routes. The offensive line looked as sharp as a bag of wet q-tips. The quarterback, when not running for his life, was throwing the ball all over the field. Then Miami realized it was 7-3 and figured that they might be able to steal one on the road. Zach Thomas took the ball away from Antonio Gates. He just took it away. He wanted it more. And it showed. Before you knew it we were down, we turned the ball over, and we were down some more. There was no urgency, no desire, no plan, nothing. We got pounded. On our own turf. By a terrible team. Where was Ladainian early in the game? Where was he as the coaches decided to heave the ball 52 times. Yes we were down in the game, but we came out throwing from the start, I don’t want to hear anyone telling me that we couldn’t run it. We didn’t even try. The coaches had no faith in our kicker, three times trying to convert fourth down instead of long field goals? Was the kicker ill? Was he hurt? Did he tell someone that he couldn’t make those kicks? What the hell was going on out there? The secondary? I think they were down at the Silver Fox, having beers and watching the morning games on t.v. They had to be drunk. There is no explanation for how badly they played…
Now we look ahead. Apparently the playoffs weren’t enough motivation for us this weekend. Where does this responsibility fall? On the coaches? Well, they can’t cover people, although Schottenheimer might be able to cover some of the less athletic guys in the league, it wasn’t happening on this Sunday. Who is to blame? Everyone who wears a bolt. Everyone.
Now it’s do or die time. We cannot lose another game. Good thing we get to play Indianapolis this weekend. On the road. In the dome. A place where the Colts historically don’t really play very well. In fact, I can’t really recall the last time the Colts won a game at home. Can anyone tell me what their record is this year? I’m confused.
If week fourteen was the end of our season, I am going to have a problem. We laid down and welcomed the Fish with ankles airborn and then politely thanked the Dolphins for the Pulp Fiction treatment we received. The only recourse is to take it to the Colts and everyone else for the rest of the season Marcellus Wallace medieval style with some angry pipe hitting mother fu…… well you know. It’s the only way to save what’s left of the season. Cobra Kai, no mercy.
Tim Mother Fu… well you know McGraw just got done making fun of us. I am going to go punch a cat now.
Now we look ahead. Apparently the playoffs weren’t enough motivation for us this weekend. Where does this responsibility fall? On the coaches? Well, they can’t cover people, although Schottenheimer might be able to cover some of the less athletic guys in the league, it wasn’t happening on this Sunday. Who is to blame? Everyone who wears a bolt. Everyone.
Now it’s do or die time. We cannot lose another game. Good thing we get to play Indianapolis this weekend. On the road. In the dome. A place where the Colts historically don’t really play very well. In fact, I can’t really recall the last time the Colts won a game at home. Can anyone tell me what their record is this year? I’m confused.
If week fourteen was the end of our season, I am going to have a problem. We laid down and welcomed the Fish with ankles airborn and then politely thanked the Dolphins for the Pulp Fiction treatment we received. The only recourse is to take it to the Colts and everyone else for the rest of the season Marcellus Wallace medieval style with some angry pipe hitting mother fu…… well you know. It’s the only way to save what’s left of the season. Cobra Kai, no mercy.
Tim Mother Fu… well you know McGraw just got done making fun of us. I am going to go punch a cat now.
Sunday, December 11, 2005
Eat Me Denver.
I have nothing positive to say. Nothing. We got beaten today. The team looked flat. They looked dead. They were barely playing football. If there had been a fifth quarter we still would have lost. The coaching was inept. No one cared about football today. The secondary was atrocious. The playoffs should be taken away from us. We should not be allowed to go. They should move our team to L.A. I’ll help them pack. I hate you. I hate football.
Denver beat a terrible Baltimore team. The division is theirs. We are going to have to hear about this for the next 17 years. Denver fans will never allow anyone to forget that they were unbeatable during the Jake Plummer years. He is the next John Elway. He is going to take them back to the Super Bowl. He is the new incarnation of Christ. I think I am going to vacation in Colorado and kill some small animals with a diesel powered chainsaw.
Kansas City dumped to the Dan Campbell led Dallas Cowboys. I had to watch the end of that after they switched from the destruction of the Chargers and the wonderful Steve Tasker saying nice things about our football team all day. That guy would root for a group of serial child molesters if they were playing the Chargers. I had to root for the Cowboys and be glad when they won. I am going to go headbutt the nail that’s sticking out of the wall.
At least we got this loss out of the way before we have to play the easiest part of the schedule. Indy should be a cakewalk, and Kansas City, and Denver. All cupcakes. Well, Denver is at least. I wonder what it’s like to root for a successful football team.
Denver beat a terrible Baltimore team. The division is theirs. We are going to have to hear about this for the next 17 years. Denver fans will never allow anyone to forget that they were unbeatable during the Jake Plummer years. He is the next John Elway. He is going to take them back to the Super Bowl. He is the new incarnation of Christ. I think I am going to vacation in Colorado and kill some small animals with a diesel powered chainsaw.
Kansas City dumped to the Dan Campbell led Dallas Cowboys. I had to watch the end of that after they switched from the destruction of the Chargers and the wonderful Steve Tasker saying nice things about our football team all day. That guy would root for a group of serial child molesters if they were playing the Chargers. I had to root for the Cowboys and be glad when they won. I am going to go headbutt the nail that’s sticking out of the wall.
At least we got this loss out of the way before we have to play the easiest part of the schedule. Indy should be a cakewalk, and Kansas City, and Denver. All cupcakes. Well, Denver is at least. I wonder what it’s like to root for a successful football team.
Monday, December 05, 2005
Bay Area Blues...
Raider week has come and gone. As has been the case for the last couple of years now, the aforementioned squad was once again all bark no bite. As I pointed out here late last week, the Raiders mystique is all but gone. There is no intimidation, no bravado, no fight in that team. What you are left with is a bunch of guys with absolutely no leader, going through the motions on the football field. When the slightest bit of adversity befalls them, they quit. Literally quit. There is no other word to describe what happens to that football team. They quit. Again. There was a point in the second quarter as we continued to methodically drive down the field where you could just see the inevitable demise of a football team. This was a game that I felt that we were always one score away from winning; mind you this was in the second quarter.
For a quarter and a half it almost appeared that the Raiders had assembled a game plan. Run to set up the pass. Lamont Jordan got out to a decent start and looked like he might be the first this season to set out on a one hundred yard quest against us. Jammer and the gang seemed content to play off of Randy Moss, giving him the penalty free short stuff underneath; adopting a similar strategy that New England employed against T.O. in the Big Bowl. It seemed apparent that he was not at 100%mentally or physically, so give him that meaningless short stuff and don’t get beaten down field for a big play. We got a handle on the running game, got a turnover, and the plan was shot. As they all collectively mailed it in, this game was effectively done by halftime, Clinton Hart’s 70 yard interception through a sea of bobble head dolls did nothing more that further anger the Raider faithful that live upstairs. Last count it sounded like a table, two chairs and most of their pride had been thoroughly broken.
The second half was a lot of us being good completely dominating the third frame, and a whole lot more of Kerry Collins doing what he does, airing it out to every ball boy, line judge, and occupants of Section 34, Row 3. I think this might have been the most boring, anti-climactic game of the season. It was hard to enjoy things like Shawne Merriman being an absolute monster beast, flying through the air tackling everyone out on the field. I think Marty had to pull him aside at one point and remind him that we were wearing blue, and to keep the “Light Switch” turned off of those guys. The quarterback made a nice recovery from the less than stellar performance that we have all voted that he was entitled to last week. And the best running back in the league struggled a bit with something described as a rib injury, that he undoubtedly got injected with some kind of nuclear level pain killer at the half in order to finish out the game. Hopefully, there isn’t too much residual damage from whatever that was.
As far as damage to humans in the stands, 52 arrests, 70 ejections, and 17 misdemeanor cites mostly for folks who couldn’t seem to remember what the blue boxes that stink real nice in the parking lot are there for. No stabbings, no reports of anyone getting bitten or suffering from what I like to call Missing Ear Syndrome, or Van Gogh’s Disease which has been an issue at this game historically.
All in all it wound up exactly the way I thought it would. Not much seems to change in the land of Raider nowadays. Their search will continue this year for a competent coach as they are watching the playoffs once again. Unless of course you are listening to what Joe Theismann has to say, then Norv Turner will keep his job, undoubtedly get a substantial raise, and will battle Jim Haslett for Coach of the Year honors. Did I mention last week that listening to him makes me want to vomit up my colon with laughter? Not to mention the ridiculousness of what he was saying about Randy Moss all night. Yes Joe, we know he’s hurt. Yes Joe, we know he’s not a hundred percent. Yes Joe, he isn’t getting off of the line well. Yes Joe, he doesn’t look like himself tonight. Yes Joe, nobody can cover him when he is healthy. Hey Joe, they are down by 24 and he isn’t running patterns anymore. Yes Joe, he is a class guy, he’s a reverend, he’s a saint, never gotten into trouble anywhere and we all misunderstand him. Yes Joe, he once ran over a lady cop with his car. Go get your paycheck Joe. We should set up an all time death match between Steve Tasker and Joe Theismann, and have running commentary by the participants, you know, one of those ‘Wired for Sound’ segments they are always doing on Sunday nights. Nick Canepa can write the summary the following day. Everybody should check out Nick’s column today, I wrote
it last week...
For a quarter and a half it almost appeared that the Raiders had assembled a game plan. Run to set up the pass. Lamont Jordan got out to a decent start and looked like he might be the first this season to set out on a one hundred yard quest against us. Jammer and the gang seemed content to play off of Randy Moss, giving him the penalty free short stuff underneath; adopting a similar strategy that New England employed against T.O. in the Big Bowl. It seemed apparent that he was not at 100%mentally or physically, so give him that meaningless short stuff and don’t get beaten down field for a big play. We got a handle on the running game, got a turnover, and the plan was shot. As they all collectively mailed it in, this game was effectively done by halftime, Clinton Hart’s 70 yard interception through a sea of bobble head dolls did nothing more that further anger the Raider faithful that live upstairs. Last count it sounded like a table, two chairs and most of their pride had been thoroughly broken.
The second half was a lot of us being good completely dominating the third frame, and a whole lot more of Kerry Collins doing what he does, airing it out to every ball boy, line judge, and occupants of Section 34, Row 3. I think this might have been the most boring, anti-climactic game of the season. It was hard to enjoy things like Shawne Merriman being an absolute monster beast, flying through the air tackling everyone out on the field. I think Marty had to pull him aside at one point and remind him that we were wearing blue, and to keep the “Light Switch” turned off of those guys. The quarterback made a nice recovery from the less than stellar performance that we have all voted that he was entitled to last week. And the best running back in the league struggled a bit with something described as a rib injury, that he undoubtedly got injected with some kind of nuclear level pain killer at the half in order to finish out the game. Hopefully, there isn’t too much residual damage from whatever that was.
As far as damage to humans in the stands, 52 arrests, 70 ejections, and 17 misdemeanor cites mostly for folks who couldn’t seem to remember what the blue boxes that stink real nice in the parking lot are there for. No stabbings, no reports of anyone getting bitten or suffering from what I like to call Missing Ear Syndrome, or Van Gogh’s Disease which has been an issue at this game historically.
All in all it wound up exactly the way I thought it would. Not much seems to change in the land of Raider nowadays. Their search will continue this year for a competent coach as they are watching the playoffs once again. Unless of course you are listening to what Joe Theismann has to say, then Norv Turner will keep his job, undoubtedly get a substantial raise, and will battle Jim Haslett for Coach of the Year honors. Did I mention last week that listening to him makes me want to vomit up my colon with laughter? Not to mention the ridiculousness of what he was saying about Randy Moss all night. Yes Joe, we know he’s hurt. Yes Joe, we know he’s not a hundred percent. Yes Joe, he isn’t getting off of the line well. Yes Joe, he doesn’t look like himself tonight. Yes Joe, nobody can cover him when he is healthy. Hey Joe, they are down by 24 and he isn’t running patterns anymore. Yes Joe, he is a class guy, he’s a reverend, he’s a saint, never gotten into trouble anywhere and we all misunderstand him. Yes Joe, he once ran over a lady cop with his car. Go get your paycheck Joe. We should set up an all time death match between Steve Tasker and Joe Theismann, and have running commentary by the participants, you know, one of those ‘Wired for Sound’ segments they are always doing on Sunday nights. Nick Canepa can write the summary the following day. Everybody should check out Nick’s column today, I wrote
it last week...
Friday, December 02, 2005
Returns...
After some hiatus and after wrangling fifteen brain cells together last night (sadly one perished in a terrible sushi accident) we finally have the return of the Friday Quick Hits. It’s been a while, hold on to your hats, for you will face an unbelievably life changing dilemma should they land in a public toilet. Not that I’d know... Anyway, here we go...
-Big thanks to the NFL schedule makers for 2005 for messing this week up tremendously. Denver v. Kansas City? Pittsburgh v. Cincy? Kitty Kats v. Helix High? Come on. How are we supposed to get into the playoffs when none of the outcomes of these games can help us??? Who am I supposed to root for here???
-Must See Game of the Week: Arizona at San Francisco. I haven’t checked but I’d be willing to bet that is the t.v. game in our region. Oh, and in case you were wondering Arizona is a three point favorite.
-Over/ Under of the Week: Arrests at the Murph this Sunday eve for our nationally telecast football game against the Dysfunctional Inbred Pirates: 11.
-Over/ Under #2 of the Week: Combined total of Eco Terrorists SUV arsons at local dealerships plus number of arrests at the game...27. Can somebody get Guy Hill a security guard or something?
-Sucker Parlay of the Week: Jacksonville Kitties and Peyton Loves Colts.
-Happy Realization of the Week: Not having to listen to Steve Tasker ramble on about God knows what this weekend during our football game.
-Sad Realization of the Week: Having to listen to Joe Theismann ramble on about everything else instead.
-Just for Fun: My Picks for the Week (Home Team in CAPS)
MIA -3.5
PIT -4
BALT -7.5
INDY -14.5
jax -3
NYG -3
CHI -7
DET +3
CAR -3
tb -3.5
SF +3
wash -3
NE -10
KC +1
SD -10.5
PHI +4
-Over/Under on how many I get correct.... 10.
-Favorite Number of the Week (besides 21): 2. The number of Raiders fans that I know personally that will be crying in their oatmeal on Monday morning.
-For Those of You Yet to See Light:
http://www.deadspin.com
And that brings us to the end of this edition of the QH. Hopefully I can catch a broadcast of the classic “A Christmas Story”, immediately following the destruction on Sunday night
-Big thanks to the NFL schedule makers for 2005 for messing this week up tremendously. Denver v. Kansas City? Pittsburgh v. Cincy? Kitty Kats v. Helix High? Come on. How are we supposed to get into the playoffs when none of the outcomes of these games can help us??? Who am I supposed to root for here???
-Must See Game of the Week: Arizona at San Francisco. I haven’t checked but I’d be willing to bet that is the t.v. game in our region. Oh, and in case you were wondering Arizona is a three point favorite.
-Over/ Under of the Week: Arrests at the Murph this Sunday eve for our nationally telecast football game against the Dysfunctional Inbred Pirates: 11.
-Over/ Under #2 of the Week: Combined total of Eco Terrorists SUV arsons at local dealerships plus number of arrests at the game...27. Can somebody get Guy Hill a security guard or something?
-Sucker Parlay of the Week: Jacksonville Kitties and Peyton Loves Colts.
-Happy Realization of the Week: Not having to listen to Steve Tasker ramble on about God knows what this weekend during our football game.
-Sad Realization of the Week: Having to listen to Joe Theismann ramble on about everything else instead.
-Just for Fun: My Picks for the Week (Home Team in CAPS)
MIA -3.5
PIT -4
BALT -7.5
INDY -14.5
jax -3
NYG -3
CHI -7
DET +3
CAR -3
tb -3.5
SF +3
wash -3
NE -10
KC +1
SD -10.5
PHI +4
-Over/Under on how many I get correct.... 10.
-Favorite Number of the Week (besides 21): 2. The number of Raiders fans that I know personally that will be crying in their oatmeal on Monday morning.
-For Those of You Yet to See Light:
http://www.deadspin.com
And that brings us to the end of this edition of the QH. Hopefully I can catch a broadcast of the classic “A Christmas Story”, immediately following the destruction on Sunday night
Steelers and Tigers and...um...Oh Something or Other. Ho hum.
I can’t believe you stole my League Darling Jacksonville moniker. We are now at odds!
I hate to do actual research, but since the theme of this post today is, “Screw you Jacksonville and the idiot paid sports jerks who bow to your mediocrity,” I figured I should have some hard facts.
Of course, you all realize that the reason I need to rag on Jacksonville is because presently we need Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, or the Jags to drop off in the last month or so of the season if we are to even have a shot at the playoffs. Pittsburgh just won’t bow out. It’s possible, but I’m just going to have to go ahead and pencil them in for the post season. Sue me. Cincinnati I’m not totally sold on. I mean, that offense is formidable, but that defense gives up points like Paris Hil- Oh Christ! That is too easy, and too cliché, but you get it. The only “good” team this playoff contender has beaten is the Chicago Bearcats, or Lion cubs or whatever they’re called. The things is, they’re not lining up a lot of Super Bowl teams on the way out either. Sign them up for some extended season action. I’d mention Kansas City, but their last five games of the season are gonna be a bear, so sorry Vermeil, those will have to be tears of sadness instead of joy. Which leaves us with…
…The LEAGUE DARLING JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS! The Of Mice and Men of the NFL. If that stellar defense can keep the offense from petting baby animals and women to death, they can hang with anybody. A lot of you are saying, “But that describes the Chicago Polar Sloths as well.” So, just so we don’t confuse anybody, the Chicago team will from here on out be called…Rainman. Got it? Good.
So, OM&M lost their starting QB, the great and mighty Byron Leftwich (I don’t know why my counterpart has such a hard time with that one), for at least four weeks. In steps David? Garrard? Garrard instantly RUNS for a TD. Exciting stuff. Especially since Leftwich, despite being…um…tall, can’t run for beans. Well, if Garrard can run like that, and somehow scramble to defeat the mighty Cardinals, who only give up 26+ points a game, then the LD Jags are obviously on the fast track to the Super Bowl! They’re riding in the Super Magical Unicorn car!
“Where are the hard facts, Maximum Colossus?” you ask? I told you about the Cardinals 26+ points a game. What more do you want from me? Okay, how about this for a hard fact? Jacksonville will fade. So to the Chargers I say, in the immortal words of Han Solo, “You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!” Only, don’t blow it, Chargers. Alright? Go Bolts!!!
I hate to do actual research, but since the theme of this post today is, “Screw you Jacksonville and the idiot paid sports jerks who bow to your mediocrity,” I figured I should have some hard facts.
Of course, you all realize that the reason I need to rag on Jacksonville is because presently we need Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, or the Jags to drop off in the last month or so of the season if we are to even have a shot at the playoffs. Pittsburgh just won’t bow out. It’s possible, but I’m just going to have to go ahead and pencil them in for the post season. Sue me. Cincinnati I’m not totally sold on. I mean, that offense is formidable, but that defense gives up points like Paris Hil- Oh Christ! That is too easy, and too cliché, but you get it. The only “good” team this playoff contender has beaten is the Chicago Bearcats, or Lion cubs or whatever they’re called. The things is, they’re not lining up a lot of Super Bowl teams on the way out either. Sign them up for some extended season action. I’d mention Kansas City, but their last five games of the season are gonna be a bear, so sorry Vermeil, those will have to be tears of sadness instead of joy. Which leaves us with…
…The LEAGUE DARLING JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS! The Of Mice and Men of the NFL. If that stellar defense can keep the offense from petting baby animals and women to death, they can hang with anybody. A lot of you are saying, “But that describes the Chicago Polar Sloths as well.” So, just so we don’t confuse anybody, the Chicago team will from here on out be called…Rainman. Got it? Good.
So, OM&M lost their starting QB, the great and mighty Byron Leftwich (I don’t know why my counterpart has such a hard time with that one), for at least four weeks. In steps David? Garrard? Garrard instantly RUNS for a TD. Exciting stuff. Especially since Leftwich, despite being…um…tall, can’t run for beans. Well, if Garrard can run like that, and somehow scramble to defeat the mighty Cardinals, who only give up 26+ points a game, then the LD Jags are obviously on the fast track to the Super Bowl! They’re riding in the Super Magical Unicorn car!
“Where are the hard facts, Maximum Colossus?” you ask? I told you about the Cardinals 26+ points a game. What more do you want from me? Okay, how about this for a hard fact? Jacksonville will fade. So to the Chargers I say, in the immortal words of Han Solo, “You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!” Only, don’t blow it, Chargers. Alright? Go Bolts!!!
Wednesday, November 30, 2005
If the Bolts Move to L.A., Hillcrest has Room for a Team...
As is known world wide, darling Jacksonville quarterback, ‘Bryon’ Leftwich is out for the season with a broken Ankiel, uh, ankle. Now, I am not here to denigrate Bryon, but, there were many who were a thinking that under his leadership the dear old loveable Jags would be waltzing on into the playoffs via a wild card over teams like ours due to cupcake competition along the way. And I don’t mean the eating kind even though I’d bet that Bryon would be good in one of those too. That guy’s jersey is screaming in pain from all the stretching it’s doing on Sunday’s. To say he tests the breaking point of the threads weekly is an understatement. Guess what folks? Never been much of a Bryon fan, probably won’t ever become a convert, and the Cards nearly beat the Spotted Kitties back to Hurricane Land. David Garard a capable backup? Maybe. Or, here’s an idea, Bryon just isn’t that good... Follow up to this story is that new media Superman (allegedly), A.K.A. Matt Jones will not be getting a start at the quarterbacking position, despite his college resume. And no I am not harboring any bitterness that we are still a game back of the Kitties for now.
During Monday night’s game, one that was colossally traumatic to watch as an anti-Manning fan, in commercial break number 692, I saw a preview for what is known to some as the ‘George Lopez Show’. Now, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff I realize, but what was interesting about said preview was the outfit that what I assume to be his way too hot for him wife was wearing resembled our Quarterback’s jersey. In fact, I am fairly positive of this as they showed her twice, but seeing as how I was trying to find entertainment in watching the ceiling fan spin, I could be wrong. Someone help me out here and let me know if I was just dizzy from all the neck rolls I was doing. Oh, and I could have sworn that the second time they showed her, the number was backwards. No I wasn’t drinking or doing any illicit drugs.
Note: The program is on while I am sitting here right now, and yes it is our outstanding quarterback’s jersey she is wearing. I don’t know how I feel about this. Wait, I think I am okay with this. But isn’t George Lopez a TailRaider fan? Or is that Carlos Santana, I’m confused…
So, I have developed yet another problem with this ‘team’ that will be attempting to invade our home turf this weekend. It is that time again folks. Yep, it’s TailRaider week. That time of the year when the now loveable losers from Oakland come not storming but sashaying into town, occupying all of the available hotels in the greater Hillcrest and Northpark area. Parading around in their stunningly feminine black and silver mostly leather S&M gear, sporting fashionable whips, and chain adornments. Yep, it’s TailRaider week, which means if you have to tie your shoe, make sure you have a solid, preferably brick constructed object to back up to and lean against.
In what is already a quiver of problems with this ultra borderline ‘team’, TailRaider week has become rather a joke in the last few years. Far removed from the Super Bowl team that was soundly throttled by their ex-coach, this squad still looks as if they take the field without a care in the world, dumbfounded by the fact that they are actually supposed to win a game. It’s gotten to the point where this team has actually become a sad parody of itself and its fans in the now. Evidence? There is a guy named Violator, self proclaimed super TailRaider Fan. In an article I read last month, he spent the entire interview illustrating how the Black Hole folk were good people, signed a lot of autographs for kids, and basically obliterated the notion that the Transvestite fans were intimidating at all. Right down to the fanny pack he wears with his garb to hold his gear. Yep, a hip purse. He reiterated how tough it is when opposing fans rip him for his choice in women’s wear. Had I the ability to find the link you would have it so you could laugh your pants soiled like I did. But, if you see him at the Murph this weekend, and he is pretty prevalent, some who post here have met him, make sure to point out his man bag. He loves it.
Now the point here isn’t to make fun of this team or their fans (lie) but to really emphasize that what used to be a fairly competitive rivalry has become somewhat of a lopsided matchup anymore. It is too easy (LIE) to just sit back and pick on the cross dressing, fanny pack wearing version of the Yankees of Football, and it would be nice once in a while (lie) to be able to see a worthy bay area opponent take the field against our far superior football team (truth). Is it too much to ask of Mr. Davis to finally stop bottom feeding for castoff coaches that have never achieved much in the way of success? Would it be too much to ask for him to actually try to put together a team that is not only talented but has a leader that will inspire the wannabe convicts to actually play out a full game, let alone an entire season? It’s funny to me that Randy Moss still is only playing when he feels like it, which is for about a minute and a half in the first quarter before the team inevitably falls behind. Warren Sapp demands that the defense be reorganized to suit his game, then shows up looking like he swallowed a piano, and yet would still be a worthy opponent for ‘Bryon’ in an obstacle course, or cupcake eating contest. This team is now a joke. What was once a fun, bitter, competitive, hate fueled rivalry with the least educated fans in the game, has now become another walk in the park, slaughterhouse Sunday. I am getting sort of tired of looking at the schedule and seeing TailRaider week in print and immediately chalking up a victory for us (LIE!! I’LL NEVER GET TIRED OF BEATING THEM.). For the love of God would it kill someone if they tried to beat us once in a while?? Eleven point favorites with the opening line on Tuesday…. Not that I keep track of those things.
Now I have to go and see if my sixteen brain cells can get together long enough to compose something coherent about Sunday night’s game.
During Monday night’s game, one that was colossally traumatic to watch as an anti-Manning fan, in commercial break number 692, I saw a preview for what is known to some as the ‘George Lopez Show’. Now, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff I realize, but what was interesting about said preview was the outfit that what I assume to be his way too hot for him wife was wearing resembled our Quarterback’s jersey. In fact, I am fairly positive of this as they showed her twice, but seeing as how I was trying to find entertainment in watching the ceiling fan spin, I could be wrong. Someone help me out here and let me know if I was just dizzy from all the neck rolls I was doing. Oh, and I could have sworn that the second time they showed her, the number was backwards. No I wasn’t drinking or doing any illicit drugs.
Note: The program is on while I am sitting here right now, and yes it is our outstanding quarterback’s jersey she is wearing. I don’t know how I feel about this. Wait, I think I am okay with this. But isn’t George Lopez a TailRaider fan? Or is that Carlos Santana, I’m confused…
So, I have developed yet another problem with this ‘team’ that will be attempting to invade our home turf this weekend. It is that time again folks. Yep, it’s TailRaider week. That time of the year when the now loveable losers from Oakland come not storming but sashaying into town, occupying all of the available hotels in the greater Hillcrest and Northpark area. Parading around in their stunningly feminine black and silver mostly leather S&M gear, sporting fashionable whips, and chain adornments. Yep, it’s TailRaider week, which means if you have to tie your shoe, make sure you have a solid, preferably brick constructed object to back up to and lean against.
In what is already a quiver of problems with this ultra borderline ‘team’, TailRaider week has become rather a joke in the last few years. Far removed from the Super Bowl team that was soundly throttled by their ex-coach, this squad still looks as if they take the field without a care in the world, dumbfounded by the fact that they are actually supposed to win a game. It’s gotten to the point where this team has actually become a sad parody of itself and its fans in the now. Evidence? There is a guy named Violator, self proclaimed super TailRaider Fan. In an article I read last month, he spent the entire interview illustrating how the Black Hole folk were good people, signed a lot of autographs for kids, and basically obliterated the notion that the Transvestite fans were intimidating at all. Right down to the fanny pack he wears with his garb to hold his gear. Yep, a hip purse. He reiterated how tough it is when opposing fans rip him for his choice in women’s wear. Had I the ability to find the link you would have it so you could laugh your pants soiled like I did. But, if you see him at the Murph this weekend, and he is pretty prevalent, some who post here have met him, make sure to point out his man bag. He loves it.
Now the point here isn’t to make fun of this team or their fans (lie) but to really emphasize that what used to be a fairly competitive rivalry has become somewhat of a lopsided matchup anymore. It is too easy (LIE) to just sit back and pick on the cross dressing, fanny pack wearing version of the Yankees of Football, and it would be nice once in a while (lie) to be able to see a worthy bay area opponent take the field against our far superior football team (truth). Is it too much to ask of Mr. Davis to finally stop bottom feeding for castoff coaches that have never achieved much in the way of success? Would it be too much to ask for him to actually try to put together a team that is not only talented but has a leader that will inspire the wannabe convicts to actually play out a full game, let alone an entire season? It’s funny to me that Randy Moss still is only playing when he feels like it, which is for about a minute and a half in the first quarter before the team inevitably falls behind. Warren Sapp demands that the defense be reorganized to suit his game, then shows up looking like he swallowed a piano, and yet would still be a worthy opponent for ‘Bryon’ in an obstacle course, or cupcake eating contest. This team is now a joke. What was once a fun, bitter, competitive, hate fueled rivalry with the least educated fans in the game, has now become another walk in the park, slaughterhouse Sunday. I am getting sort of tired of looking at the schedule and seeing TailRaider week in print and immediately chalking up a victory for us (LIE!! I’LL NEVER GET TIRED OF BEATING THEM.). For the love of God would it kill someone if they tried to beat us once in a while?? Eleven point favorites with the opening line on Tuesday…. Not that I keep track of those things.
Now I have to go and see if my sixteen brain cells can get together long enough to compose something coherent about Sunday night’s game.
Monday, November 28, 2005
Thoughts. Some New, Some...
This has been constructed in a few parts so forgive me if there is any information that may already have been beaten to death T.O. style by the time you take three minutes out of your busy work day to waste some time. Kick your feet up and wish you had a laptop so you could enjoy this in the crapper…
Sunday was the day of the defense. Our usual run stoppers were out there doing what they do, and doing it well, whilst the secondary was having a respectable day against a, against a, uh, mediocre passing game? Yeah, mediocre works there. Santana Moss had yet another good one, causing Herm Edwards and Jets management to reach for the Zantac again. On to the other side of the ball where, as previously mentioned by Mr. Colossus, numero twenty one did what he does when allowed to do so. And this was against the “…most offensive nickname in sports.” (Canepa, 11/22) Can we get over this yet??? Still with the nicknames? Sorry, useless tangent. The 'Skins defense looks like some of The Lord Trilogy Orcs in jerseys. Every guy out there was an absolute monster, and they all do their best to bring the pain. Sean Taylor, Lavar, all the guys in those wonderfully ‘70’s colored maroon and gold unis are just pure beasts. All Kid 21 did was go for 184 on the ground with a measly 29 in the air, and an 18 pack… be sure to read previous post titled, “Mysterio is our Secondary Coach” for some more elaborate thought on this. But I will say that he is a favorite, and if anything happens to him, well, let’s not…
We escaped a bit with this win. I wasn’t entirely convinced we played well, but the O’line battled all day, won some and lost some. Looked like the quarterback was a bit rattled, and it showed in his numbers 22-44 215, 3 really bad ones. But he did his fair share of running from the Orcs, and he did some good too. My only problem is the 44 tries, but they gave it a go, tried something different, er well, by that I mean throwing it, but I also mean they threw it at rookie Carlos Rodgers probably 43 times, and he did just fine. I guess this was another attempt at killing Marty’s legacy. Whatever guys, wait until the game REALLY means something, the tears won’t mix with the vomit well, and I will be sitting with my middle finger up at all these jokers…
“Marty Schottenheimer. He's killed Martyball. Many so-called witnesses don't believe it, but it's true, and at least he's brought sanity, professionalism and winning to the Chargers.” (Canepa, 11/24)
I guess I am a so-called witness, and I agree it’s true that there is winning and professionalism here now. That’s good. Sanity, that’s never been here (see: San Diego City Council). That first sentence I promise will be proven wrong. I promise. I’ll bet on it, I will challenge Nick himself to a bet on it for any stakes. Somebody send this to the UT for me… “Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed wih a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.”
Next on the list is Mr. Salisbury. Now I am getting tired of picking on Sean, but tonight he awarded the best coaching performance to Coach S, for giving the ball to Kid 21 yesterday. Let me get this straight as I am not always very smart, but giving the ball to the best player in the NFL, the one Coach S says is the best ever, makes you a great coach? Graded against that criteria, I’d be the best coach ever, cause Kid 21 gets the ball every single freakin’ time in my offense. Run, catch passes, climb tall buildings and knife the kids throwing pennies from up there, he’s our guy. I know I am picking on Sean, but that guy ruined more than a few football games wearing our jersey some time ago. Yeah, I am vengeful. I’m the guy that glued somebody to a toilet seat, so what?
I have some more, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. That one guy is about to change the words to that stupid song again…*($&)&*$_#%$G SONG!!!!
Sunday was the day of the defense. Our usual run stoppers were out there doing what they do, and doing it well, whilst the secondary was having a respectable day against a, against a, uh, mediocre passing game? Yeah, mediocre works there. Santana Moss had yet another good one, causing Herm Edwards and Jets management to reach for the Zantac again. On to the other side of the ball where, as previously mentioned by Mr. Colossus, numero twenty one did what he does when allowed to do so. And this was against the “…most offensive nickname in sports.” (Canepa, 11/22) Can we get over this yet??? Still with the nicknames? Sorry, useless tangent. The 'Skins defense looks like some of The Lord Trilogy Orcs in jerseys. Every guy out there was an absolute monster, and they all do their best to bring the pain. Sean Taylor, Lavar, all the guys in those wonderfully ‘70’s colored maroon and gold unis are just pure beasts. All Kid 21 did was go for 184 on the ground with a measly 29 in the air, and an 18 pack… be sure to read previous post titled, “Mysterio is our Secondary Coach” for some more elaborate thought on this. But I will say that he is a favorite, and if anything happens to him, well, let’s not…
We escaped a bit with this win. I wasn’t entirely convinced we played well, but the O’line battled all day, won some and lost some. Looked like the quarterback was a bit rattled, and it showed in his numbers 22-44 215, 3 really bad ones. But he did his fair share of running from the Orcs, and he did some good too. My only problem is the 44 tries, but they gave it a go, tried something different, er well, by that I mean throwing it, but I also mean they threw it at rookie Carlos Rodgers probably 43 times, and he did just fine. I guess this was another attempt at killing Marty’s legacy. Whatever guys, wait until the game REALLY means something, the tears won’t mix with the vomit well, and I will be sitting with my middle finger up at all these jokers…
“Marty Schottenheimer. He's killed Martyball. Many so-called witnesses don't believe it, but it's true, and at least he's brought sanity, professionalism and winning to the Chargers.” (Canepa, 11/24)
I guess I am a so-called witness, and I agree it’s true that there is winning and professionalism here now. That’s good. Sanity, that’s never been here (see: San Diego City Council). That first sentence I promise will be proven wrong. I promise. I’ll bet on it, I will challenge Nick himself to a bet on it for any stakes. Somebody send this to the UT for me… “Oh Porterhouse, look at the wax build up on these shoes I want that wax stripped off there, then I want them creamed and buffed wih a fine chamois, and I want them now. Chop chop.”
Next on the list is Mr. Salisbury. Now I am getting tired of picking on Sean, but tonight he awarded the best coaching performance to Coach S, for giving the ball to Kid 21 yesterday. Let me get this straight as I am not always very smart, but giving the ball to the best player in the NFL, the one Coach S says is the best ever, makes you a great coach? Graded against that criteria, I’d be the best coach ever, cause Kid 21 gets the ball every single freakin’ time in my offense. Run, catch passes, climb tall buildings and knife the kids throwing pennies from up there, he’s our guy. I know I am picking on Sean, but that guy ruined more than a few football games wearing our jersey some time ago. Yeah, I am vengeful. I’m the guy that glued somebody to a toilet seat, so what?
I have some more, but that will have to wait until tomorrow. That one guy is about to change the words to that stupid song again…*($&)&*$_#%$G SONG!!!!
Mysterio Is Our Secondary Coach
Okay, I’m just going to go ahead and start off with a quote from a guy who inexplicably writes about football for a living. And keep in mind, when I say for a living, I mean he gets paid actual money and doesn’t need to supplement his income working evenings as a barista at Starbuck’s. Ready? Here it is?
“(Nov. 22, 2005) -- History is six games away for the undefeated Colts, and there are going to be three fierce challenges along the way -- Monday night against Pittsburgh, Dec. 11 at Jacksonville and Dec. 24 at Seattle. “
Granted, this joker wrote this before that remarkable nail biter in Washington yesterday, but I’m still sick of this stunning lack of acknowledgement. Of course, you do want teams to look past you. To be unprepared. But that’s the thing. You know the Colts consider us a threat. You know they remember when we came to town last year and nearly snatched one away. And you can’t possibly think they believe their defense is as good as the talking sports heads would have us believe. They’ve got their match up with the Bolts marked on their calendar. Believe that! Only the sports “experts” don’t. And the people that don’t ever here about us, because we are an afterthought to the other half of the country. I read one the other day where the guy actually said we’d end their undefeated season, because Dungy would have clinched home field advantage by then and would rest his starters. Thanks for the back-handed compliment. Can we take any pride in being better than the Colts’ back-ups. Please, someone steer me towards the douche bag who says we aren't better than their scrubs. Cause you know that column is out there somewhere!
On to yesterday's obsevatorious remarks (That is totally a word. Shut up.).
Can we put the whole debate to sleep yet? I know Shaun Alexander and Tiki Barber are putting up fine and impressive numbers, but seriously, people, LaDainian Tomlinson is simply the best in the game. Occasionally, teams will load up and take him out of a game to some degree. Sometimes it’s our coaching that trips him up. But more often than not he is just quite obviously the most amazing player on the field. Any field. Yesterday, from thousands of miles away, he saved thousands of people from suffering heart attacks and countless television sets from the spontaneous exploding bottle syndrome. I don't think I need to tell you that those sort of accomplishments go above and beyond what most teams expect from their starting back.
Drew is allowed a little hiccup yesterday(Only considered little cause we won). The Redskins defense was in his face all day, and I’m convinced everyone on that team is an expert at jumping in the air and waving their hands around(Not to mention being, what, like eight feet tall?). Our guy was able to make some plays when he had to, though, and with a little luck, did a good enough job to get us into a spot where all we needed was a penalty to set us up for the win. Just a little jab there. He can take it.
I’m not going to harp on Gates for the problems he had yesterday. He made a couple big ones and played hurt. And, of course, he rules.
Eric Parker hasn’t gotten much pub here, but the last couple of weeks he’s looking spectacular. Will a premiere receiver be as big of a need next year as everyone thought? We’ll see.
I’ve got to hand it to both defenses, what with their abilities to telekinetically defend passes, but I’d like to see our guys occasionally handle one physically.
And one last special thanks to the Zebras. Not a lot of phantom calls. A questionable overturned interception in our favor. And, most importantly, you actually caught that guy tackling our lineman in the backfield. That’s the one that earns you new hats and whistles in you stockings this Christmas. Ho, ho, ho! Go Bolts!!!
“(Nov. 22, 2005) -- History is six games away for the undefeated Colts, and there are going to be three fierce challenges along the way -- Monday night against Pittsburgh, Dec. 11 at Jacksonville and Dec. 24 at Seattle. “
Granted, this joker wrote this before that remarkable nail biter in Washington yesterday, but I’m still sick of this stunning lack of acknowledgement. Of course, you do want teams to look past you. To be unprepared. But that’s the thing. You know the Colts consider us a threat. You know they remember when we came to town last year and nearly snatched one away. And you can’t possibly think they believe their defense is as good as the talking sports heads would have us believe. They’ve got their match up with the Bolts marked on their calendar. Believe that! Only the sports “experts” don’t. And the people that don’t ever here about us, because we are an afterthought to the other half of the country. I read one the other day where the guy actually said we’d end their undefeated season, because Dungy would have clinched home field advantage by then and would rest his starters. Thanks for the back-handed compliment. Can we take any pride in being better than the Colts’ back-ups. Please, someone steer me towards the douche bag who says we aren't better than their scrubs. Cause you know that column is out there somewhere!
On to yesterday's obsevatorious remarks (That is totally a word. Shut up.).
Can we put the whole debate to sleep yet? I know Shaun Alexander and Tiki Barber are putting up fine and impressive numbers, but seriously, people, LaDainian Tomlinson is simply the best in the game. Occasionally, teams will load up and take him out of a game to some degree. Sometimes it’s our coaching that trips him up. But more often than not he is just quite obviously the most amazing player on the field. Any field. Yesterday, from thousands of miles away, he saved thousands of people from suffering heart attacks and countless television sets from the spontaneous exploding bottle syndrome. I don't think I need to tell you that those sort of accomplishments go above and beyond what most teams expect from their starting back.
Drew is allowed a little hiccup yesterday(Only considered little cause we won). The Redskins defense was in his face all day, and I’m convinced everyone on that team is an expert at jumping in the air and waving their hands around(Not to mention being, what, like eight feet tall?). Our guy was able to make some plays when he had to, though, and with a little luck, did a good enough job to get us into a spot where all we needed was a penalty to set us up for the win. Just a little jab there. He can take it.
I’m not going to harp on Gates for the problems he had yesterday. He made a couple big ones and played hurt. And, of course, he rules.
Eric Parker hasn’t gotten much pub here, but the last couple of weeks he’s looking spectacular. Will a premiere receiver be as big of a need next year as everyone thought? We’ll see.
I’ve got to hand it to both defenses, what with their abilities to telekinetically defend passes, but I’d like to see our guys occasionally handle one physically.
And one last special thanks to the Zebras. Not a lot of phantom calls. A questionable overturned interception in our favor. And, most importantly, you actually caught that guy tackling our lineman in the backfield. That’s the one that earns you new hats and whistles in you stockings this Christmas. Ho, ho, ho! Go Bolts!!!
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Catching Up...
Took a couple of days off to hit the road and grow a beard. Needless to say that there were televisions on the road and that allowed for a pretty entertaining football weekend. Not to dwell on the never ending discussion of whether or not USC football is that good, Fresno State set out to prove that they could hang in with a three year winning streak. A valiant effort and four very entertaining quarters later, the streak remained intact, and a little respect was earned. Good game all around.
Next came Sunday. What we assumed to be the case, turned out in fact to be just that, and the Wings were sent home fried. A colossal shellacking at the hands of the forgotten pro bowl quarterback, lost in what has been the season of twenty one. A fantastic performance by the Q, one of the finest that I have seen him play. In fact, I thought that this day was his most polished, professional effort to date. Up until the point that I heard him say that his five touchdown day last year against Oakland was the only day he held in higher regard. Who am I to argue with him? Oakland was better? Okay, this was second best then. Great day. Great game. And a whole new issue crops up with Mr. Coach S.
As has been discussed ad nauseam, “IT” was no where to be found. Coach S as it seems to me, is determined to prove that “IT” is dead and not his coaching style. Determined to change his legacy that people like me continue to focus on as one of our major weaknesses. So what am I to think when the best running back in the league gets only fourteen carries and a handful of yards? What am I to think when the Quarterback goes nuts, throws for 330 plus yards and a fistful of touchdowns? What am I to think when the number 85 has a monster day and then blows out an ankle in a festival of slaughter? These were the questions that I was asking myself.
Was I happy with the team’s performance? Yes. Did we look good? Yes. Did we look like a playoff team, strong and balanced against a weak opponent? Yes. Does everyone know that we can play that way whenever, wherever? They should. So what the heck am I complaining about? I want to see it when it counts. If that is the way this team can operate; dismantling teams completely, then I want to see it against the top tier teams in the league. If that is the way we are going to make our playoff run, then let’s commit to it from here on out. Let’s rack it up and go after every single team like we did on Sunday. I want to see it every week. There is still a part of me that thinks that when the game is on the line, much like the Philly, Pittsburgh, Dallas, and the January Jets game, that this is not the brand of football that we will be witnessing. When it is really on the line, I don’t believe that Coach S will bring the pain like he did on Sunday. Is that fair? I don’t know. Is “IT” going to happen again? In my opinion, undoubtedly. If I were a gambling man (I’m not), I would bet on this. I hope I am wrong, because “IT” is not a style of play that will bring any January rewards.
So we pack up and roll to the nation’s capital this weekend against a very good defense, and a good running game. This should be another week that improves the number in the “W” column and keeps the playoff hopes alive. And it will be a litmus test for Coach.
Next came Sunday. What we assumed to be the case, turned out in fact to be just that, and the Wings were sent home fried. A colossal shellacking at the hands of the forgotten pro bowl quarterback, lost in what has been the season of twenty one. A fantastic performance by the Q, one of the finest that I have seen him play. In fact, I thought that this day was his most polished, professional effort to date. Up until the point that I heard him say that his five touchdown day last year against Oakland was the only day he held in higher regard. Who am I to argue with him? Oakland was better? Okay, this was second best then. Great day. Great game. And a whole new issue crops up with Mr. Coach S.
As has been discussed ad nauseam, “IT” was no where to be found. Coach S as it seems to me, is determined to prove that “IT” is dead and not his coaching style. Determined to change his legacy that people like me continue to focus on as one of our major weaknesses. So what am I to think when the best running back in the league gets only fourteen carries and a handful of yards? What am I to think when the Quarterback goes nuts, throws for 330 plus yards and a fistful of touchdowns? What am I to think when the number 85 has a monster day and then blows out an ankle in a festival of slaughter? These were the questions that I was asking myself.
Was I happy with the team’s performance? Yes. Did we look good? Yes. Did we look like a playoff team, strong and balanced against a weak opponent? Yes. Does everyone know that we can play that way whenever, wherever? They should. So what the heck am I complaining about? I want to see it when it counts. If that is the way this team can operate; dismantling teams completely, then I want to see it against the top tier teams in the league. If that is the way we are going to make our playoff run, then let’s commit to it from here on out. Let’s rack it up and go after every single team like we did on Sunday. I want to see it every week. There is still a part of me that thinks that when the game is on the line, much like the Philly, Pittsburgh, Dallas, and the January Jets game, that this is not the brand of football that we will be witnessing. When it is really on the line, I don’t believe that Coach S will bring the pain like he did on Sunday. Is that fair? I don’t know. Is “IT” going to happen again? In my opinion, undoubtedly. If I were a gambling man (I’m not), I would bet on this. I hope I am wrong, because “IT” is not a style of play that will bring any January rewards.
So we pack up and roll to the nation’s capital this weekend against a very good defense, and a good running game. This should be another week that improves the number in the “W” column and keeps the playoff hopes alive. And it will be a litmus test for Coach.
Thursday, November 17, 2005
The Debate Rages On...
I am extraordinarily concerned that the football team this week might be taking this Buffalo team as lightly as I am. I am placing a slightly better chance than zero on Buffalo actually staying even remotely competitive with us. So much so that I have ignored all statistical analysis, instead choosing to focus on what really matters this weekend when it comes to this football game and how we dismantle the Wings. An email exchange with MC today reveals what happens when you run out of things to debate...
CJ: Oh great, we’re wearing the powder blues on Sunday.
MC: I like the powder blues.
CJ: I do too, we just never win when we wear them
MC: Uhh...we were just never winning period. Blaming it on the sharp looking powder blue uniforms sounds a lot like blaming it on the poker Gods to me.
CJ: I think there is more in play here than that. When we were like 6-0 in ’94, didn’t we lose when we donned the powder blues? We are 2-5 in the powder blues since ’94. Could there be a correlation between the lighter color and a lack of toughness? I am not set in stone on that, I am just asking. Perhaps the same effect that the pink locker room has in Iowa.... This merits looking at more thoroughly... I like that, “sharp looking powder blues”. And you know that I don’t believe in the poker Gods...
MC: Psychology? Like Iowa painting the visiting teams' locker room pink? Maybe a voodoo witch doctor put a curse on those unis? 2-5 since 94. Our winning percentage since that season is roughly 41% (64-96). 2-5 since, is about 28%, but from a much smaller pool of games. 1 more win in the powder blues would have put us at almost exactly the same percentage as our overall wins. Also, I may be completely wrong, but I thought we wore the powder blues for the first half of the '94 season.
CJ: All right so now we are getting to the bottom of this. 2-5 since ’94. But we were 6-0 in ’94 when we wore them for the first 8 games. So, maybe there is just a bad perception of the powder blues. It just seems like we always lose when we wear them. So, I will give them one more chance, if we lose this weekend (which we won’t) all bets are off and the powder blues can eat my @$$. Especially if we pull a Dallas, Pittsburgh (Powder Blues), Denver, Philadelphia 4th quarter job again.
And yes, that psycologicallyable stuff works. That pink locker room saw an increase in win percentage at home for Iowa from .400 to .700 (approximately).
MC: We beat the crud out of the league darling Jaguars last year in the powder blues. I'm surprised you forgot. You were there!!!
CJ: Of course you should know by now that I only remember the bad things. And there was a lot of b’s and boobs involved that day.
MC: I think you don't like the powder blues because EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!! There's some freakin' psychology for you.
CJ: See, I knew you were going to mess that up. I love the powder blues. A lot. I just hate losing in them more. I think it should be mandatory for the fans to wear them, but not the players. There could be something to that psychological thing though....baby blue? Not as tough, maybe lose some games...huh?!
MC: Did I find a button? It's okay if you don't like the powder blues. Maybe we can find you a camouflage Charger jersey. The Padres always look pretty t!ts in theirs.
CJ: No button. I do like the powder blues. I almost bought a jersey, but realized I am 30, to old for jerseys. I just hate losing when we wear them. That’s all.
MC: Relax, sissy. Face it. It sucks when we lose, no matter what we're wearing. It just seems to stick out more when it's the powder blues, cause they're so B.A.
CJ: Yes it does suck when we lose. I just want to make sure there is no psychology behind it that prevents us from winning when we are wearing them.
MC: Yeah, I don't see it. If anything, I think our guys get up for those games cause they know they rock in those unis. But bad teams get beat by good teams, and that's that
CJ: Are you saying we’re bad????
MC: I'm saying we've been bad more than we've been good since ‘94. No matter what jerseys we wore. Last year good team= big win in the powder blues. Hurray!
CJ: Okay. I get it. I hope we win. But if we don’t it’s the jerseys fault
MC: Cool.
So, you see, these are the dangers of playing teams that don’t have any intimidating characteristics. I start talking about how the potential psychological effect of the jerseys we are planning on wearing are somehow going to affect the outcome of the game. I hope none of the players feel this way about the jerseys come Sunday...
More mindless idiocy tomorrow...
CJ: Oh great, we’re wearing the powder blues on Sunday.
MC: I like the powder blues.
CJ: I do too, we just never win when we wear them
MC: Uhh...we were just never winning period. Blaming it on the sharp looking powder blue uniforms sounds a lot like blaming it on the poker Gods to me.
CJ: I think there is more in play here than that. When we were like 6-0 in ’94, didn’t we lose when we donned the powder blues? We are 2-5 in the powder blues since ’94. Could there be a correlation between the lighter color and a lack of toughness? I am not set in stone on that, I am just asking. Perhaps the same effect that the pink locker room has in Iowa.... This merits looking at more thoroughly... I like that, “sharp looking powder blues”. And you know that I don’t believe in the poker Gods...
MC: Psychology? Like Iowa painting the visiting teams' locker room pink? Maybe a voodoo witch doctor put a curse on those unis? 2-5 since 94. Our winning percentage since that season is roughly 41% (64-96). 2-5 since, is about 28%, but from a much smaller pool of games. 1 more win in the powder blues would have put us at almost exactly the same percentage as our overall wins. Also, I may be completely wrong, but I thought we wore the powder blues for the first half of the '94 season.
CJ: All right so now we are getting to the bottom of this. 2-5 since ’94. But we were 6-0 in ’94 when we wore them for the first 8 games. So, maybe there is just a bad perception of the powder blues. It just seems like we always lose when we wear them. So, I will give them one more chance, if we lose this weekend (which we won’t) all bets are off and the powder blues can eat my @$$. Especially if we pull a Dallas, Pittsburgh (Powder Blues), Denver, Philadelphia 4th quarter job again.
And yes, that psycologicallyable stuff works. That pink locker room saw an increase in win percentage at home for Iowa from .400 to .700 (approximately).
MC: We beat the crud out of the league darling Jaguars last year in the powder blues. I'm surprised you forgot. You were there!!!
CJ: Of course you should know by now that I only remember the bad things. And there was a lot of b’s and boobs involved that day.
MC: I think you don't like the powder blues because EVERYBODY ELSE DOES!!! There's some freakin' psychology for you.
CJ: See, I knew you were going to mess that up. I love the powder blues. A lot. I just hate losing in them more. I think it should be mandatory for the fans to wear them, but not the players. There could be something to that psychological thing though....baby blue? Not as tough, maybe lose some games...huh?!
MC: Did I find a button? It's okay if you don't like the powder blues. Maybe we can find you a camouflage Charger jersey. The Padres always look pretty t!ts in theirs.
CJ: No button. I do like the powder blues. I almost bought a jersey, but realized I am 30, to old for jerseys. I just hate losing when we wear them. That’s all.
MC: Relax, sissy. Face it. It sucks when we lose, no matter what we're wearing. It just seems to stick out more when it's the powder blues, cause they're so B.A.
CJ: Yes it does suck when we lose. I just want to make sure there is no psychology behind it that prevents us from winning when we are wearing them.
MC: Yeah, I don't see it. If anything, I think our guys get up for those games cause they know they rock in those unis. But bad teams get beat by good teams, and that's that
CJ: Are you saying we’re bad????
MC: I'm saying we've been bad more than we've been good since ‘94. No matter what jerseys we wore. Last year good team= big win in the powder blues. Hurray!
CJ: Okay. I get it. I hope we win. But if we don’t it’s the jerseys fault
MC: Cool.
So, you see, these are the dangers of playing teams that don’t have any intimidating characteristics. I start talking about how the potential psychological effect of the jerseys we are planning on wearing are somehow going to affect the outcome of the game. I hope none of the players feel this way about the jerseys come Sunday...
More mindless idiocy tomorrow...
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
It's Happy Hour, and Wings are on the Menu...
It’s Wednesday so that means its time for us to start thinking about the upcoming contest with the Bills of Buffalo. So as I sat thinking about the weaknesses on defense of the Buffalo Bills, in particular their inability to stop anyone who decides that running with the ball tucked under one arm is a good idea. I kept coming back to the fact that I have no idea what a ‘Bill’ is. What, Buffalo Bill? Is that it? But, what good is a team full of Buffalo Bills? Not very intimidating that’s for sure. Why not call them the Buffalo Wings? At least that way they might be represented by a bunch of well endowed sorority girls in infant sized orange shorts. At least that can be sort of intimidating in a good way. They might also be able to steal some of the Panthers Cheerleader momentum by dressing the girls on the sidelines as such. From the Official Bills Website... ( BuffaloBills.com )
"Following the 1946 season, in an effort to generate more fan interest and distinguish the football team from the city's minor league baseball and hockey teams, which also bore the name "Bisons," the team ran a contest to select a new name. Over 4,500 entries were submitted, and "the Bills" won over "Bullets," "Nickels" and "Blue Devils." Several contestants suggested the winning name, but James F. Dyson was named the winner of the $500 prize based on his essay comparing the team to a band of "Buffalo Bills." He wrote that, while the legendary Indian Scout William "Buffalo Bill" Cody helped trailblaze the American Frontier, the football team (owned by the president of Frontier Oil) was opening a new frontier in Buffalo sports."
Now if they could only figure out how to play football and wash the legacy of four consecutive Super Bowl appearances without a victory off of their resume, they may be able to get respect from someone other than a Las Vegas stripper. Beside the Super Bowl defeats that define this team what else are they lucky enough to be associated with? A Canadian Quarterback, an acquitted Murdering Tailback, and a kicker that walks with a distinct step to the Right from 42 yards away. This, a legacy to be proud of for sure.
This version of the Wings are very far removed from the early 90’s version that was so close to being a dynasty in the eyes of many. For some this version hasn’t been completely forgotten, for it seems like Chris Berman is still to this day picking the annual Bills v. 49ers Super Bowl match up as the Swami. But, with the “Loss Man” at the helm things are a bit different than they used to be out there in the Siberia of New York. I am wondering if anyone in New York actually gives a flying load of crap about these guys. They seem to come off to me as the bastard step-children of the area.
So how did they manage to hold the Chiefers to three points last week single handedly raising the stock price of Kleenex? Was this another anemic performance by the Chefs, or are the Wings talented in any sense of the word? I am voting more of the former and much, much less of the latter.
So will this be a contest of us stopping them? Or them stopping us? Well, with their 7501st ranked defense against the rush, I would think that Mr. #21 may have a large day, and since due in part to the bye weekend off, he has slipped to around number 5 in rushing yards for the year, he may have something to prove. And of course if I were good enough to wear that number, I think I might be harboring a little bit of resentment for not getting the opportunity for touchdown number five the last time out on the turf. Just a hunch.
Let's revisit for a moment a comment I made yesterday about the wonder that is Shaun Alexander. What I said in one and a half sentences took an ESPN.com writer this
many words to articulate the same thought that I made.
Sheesh, these guys get paid for this.
"Following the 1946 season, in an effort to generate more fan interest and distinguish the football team from the city's minor league baseball and hockey teams, which also bore the name "Bisons," the team ran a contest to select a new name. Over 4,500 entries were submitted, and "the Bills" won over "Bullets," "Nickels" and "Blue Devils." Several contestants suggested the winning name, but James F. Dyson was named the winner of the $500 prize based on his essay comparing the team to a band of "Buffalo Bills." He wrote that, while the legendary Indian Scout William "Buffalo Bill" Cody helped trailblaze the American Frontier, the football team (owned by the president of Frontier Oil) was opening a new frontier in Buffalo sports."
Now if they could only figure out how to play football and wash the legacy of four consecutive Super Bowl appearances without a victory off of their resume, they may be able to get respect from someone other than a Las Vegas stripper. Beside the Super Bowl defeats that define this team what else are they lucky enough to be associated with? A Canadian Quarterback, an acquitted Murdering Tailback, and a kicker that walks with a distinct step to the Right from 42 yards away. This, a legacy to be proud of for sure.
This version of the Wings are very far removed from the early 90’s version that was so close to being a dynasty in the eyes of many. For some this version hasn’t been completely forgotten, for it seems like Chris Berman is still to this day picking the annual Bills v. 49ers Super Bowl match up as the Swami. But, with the “Loss Man” at the helm things are a bit different than they used to be out there in the Siberia of New York. I am wondering if anyone in New York actually gives a flying load of crap about these guys. They seem to come off to me as the bastard step-children of the area.
So how did they manage to hold the Chiefers to three points last week single handedly raising the stock price of Kleenex? Was this another anemic performance by the Chefs, or are the Wings talented in any sense of the word? I am voting more of the former and much, much less of the latter.
So will this be a contest of us stopping them? Or them stopping us? Well, with their 7501st ranked defense against the rush, I would think that Mr. #21 may have a large day, and since due in part to the bye weekend off, he has slipped to around number 5 in rushing yards for the year, he may have something to prove. And of course if I were good enough to wear that number, I think I might be harboring a little bit of resentment for not getting the opportunity for touchdown number five the last time out on the turf. Just a hunch.
Let's revisit for a moment a comment I made yesterday about the wonder that is Shaun Alexander. What I said in one and a half sentences took an ESPN.com writer this
many words to articulate the same thought that I made.
Sheesh, these guys get paid for this.
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Cleanup on Aisle Ten...
Cleaning up the mess that was the week without football first...
See what happens to me when a week goes by and the Bolts are not involved. My utter disdain and apathy for the NFL shines through so clearly. I spent Sunday trying to manufacture some desire to watch the garbage that was claiming to be football, only to find myself distracted by the tiniest of things like a flag blowing in the wind. Good God football is terrible when your team isn’t playing. Just think, if the Saints don’t go to Los Angeles this year (pray to all that is hurricane force evil in the world that they do) then the Chargers might. (Side note: How many chances do you give a city for football when they have already run numerous franchises out of town?) After watching this weekend, and with the potential birth of the L.A. Chargers looming on the horizon, I will be a man without a football team if the move in fact does occur. And that means I will be without football. I just can’t watch that crap. I don’t think I can pick another team to root for.
My halfhearted (generous) interest in the Rams, Jets and Redskins (all of whom lost by the way) was just a distraction from the fact that I was trying and unsuccessfully rooting for the excrement of Chupacabra that are the Raiders. Early on when it was discovered that they were not going to beat the Rocky Mountain Oyster Chuggers, they couldn’t even manage to lose that stupid game properly. If you aren’t going to win, at least lose by 60 so I take a little bit of pleasure from that. Thanks for the help guys, can’t wait for you to come to town now for some additional punishment. There is a very good chance that convicted child molesters will get jobs as toilet paper dispensers in pre school restrooms before I root for those puckered starfish again.
There is still some residual disappointment with regard to the Canepa article from last week. I have done most of the commenting that I will do on that topic, but it is just really ridiculous to read that again. The more I read it, the more I question what is going on. How can someone of Mr. Canepa’s standing, spout off this sentiment that is so obviously untrue? To put this in perspective, this would be like using your most powerful forum to advocate that T.O. rescues blind puppies from burning buildings while being a great teammate, or that our entire secondary should be the leading candidates to start in the Pro Bowl. I think it’s time to move on from this topic and let this issue settle itself. I have a feeling that if the current trend continues, the one highlighted in my last post, not only will the holes in Mr. Canepa’s argument be properly illustrated, but the Los Angeles Chargers may have a new coach.
Before moving on to devouring the Buffalo Wings this weekend. Let’s take a look at the past weekend’s likes and dislikes...
-Shaun Alexander. I thought I could see Seattle’s point before the season began about not extending this guy, who turns out to be the only bright spot in the City of Cold, Wet Hell. I was wrong and so is Seattle.
-The Idle San Diego Chargers moved up in the power rankings.
-10 weeks in and we are still listening to Mr. Faith Hill revamp the words to that God awful song. If all I have to look forward to is the L.A. Chargers and Mr. Faith Hill, the NFL will feel my wrath. Of this I promise.
-I miss people wondering who got the better end of the Mike Vick for Ladainian Tomlinson trade. Why won’t anyone bring this up anymore? I have an opinion. I’ll raise my hand and wait my turn and everything. Come on. Somebody? Anybody?
-To the Vikings: Thumbs up from me for giving us the Sex Boat Love Cruise story (of which we all wish we were a part of no matter how despicable (awesome) some say it was) and for ruining Tom Coughlin’s underwear and weekend in New York.
-To Roy Williams of the Cowboys: Thanks for that wonderful interception last night. You have officially guaranteed that we will have to continue talking about Terrell Owens until the Eagles are officially eliminated from the playoffs. And then continue to talk about him because the Iggles missed the playoffs. I hope you get to hook up with one of the girls in the “Ron Mexico” flock.
See what happens to me when a week goes by and the Bolts are not involved. My utter disdain and apathy for the NFL shines through so clearly. I spent Sunday trying to manufacture some desire to watch the garbage that was claiming to be football, only to find myself distracted by the tiniest of things like a flag blowing in the wind. Good God football is terrible when your team isn’t playing. Just think, if the Saints don’t go to Los Angeles this year (pray to all that is hurricane force evil in the world that they do) then the Chargers might. (Side note: How many chances do you give a city for football when they have already run numerous franchises out of town?) After watching this weekend, and with the potential birth of the L.A. Chargers looming on the horizon, I will be a man without a football team if the move in fact does occur. And that means I will be without football. I just can’t watch that crap. I don’t think I can pick another team to root for.
My halfhearted (generous) interest in the Rams, Jets and Redskins (all of whom lost by the way) was just a distraction from the fact that I was trying and unsuccessfully rooting for the excrement of Chupacabra that are the Raiders. Early on when it was discovered that they were not going to beat the Rocky Mountain Oyster Chuggers, they couldn’t even manage to lose that stupid game properly. If you aren’t going to win, at least lose by 60 so I take a little bit of pleasure from that. Thanks for the help guys, can’t wait for you to come to town now for some additional punishment. There is a very good chance that convicted child molesters will get jobs as toilet paper dispensers in pre school restrooms before I root for those puckered starfish again.
There is still some residual disappointment with regard to the Canepa article from last week. I have done most of the commenting that I will do on that topic, but it is just really ridiculous to read that again. The more I read it, the more I question what is going on. How can someone of Mr. Canepa’s standing, spout off this sentiment that is so obviously untrue? To put this in perspective, this would be like using your most powerful forum to advocate that T.O. rescues blind puppies from burning buildings while being a great teammate, or that our entire secondary should be the leading candidates to start in the Pro Bowl. I think it’s time to move on from this topic and let this issue settle itself. I have a feeling that if the current trend continues, the one highlighted in my last post, not only will the holes in Mr. Canepa’s argument be properly illustrated, but the Los Angeles Chargers may have a new coach.
Before moving on to devouring the Buffalo Wings this weekend. Let’s take a look at the past weekend’s likes and dislikes...
-Shaun Alexander. I thought I could see Seattle’s point before the season began about not extending this guy, who turns out to be the only bright spot in the City of Cold, Wet Hell. I was wrong and so is Seattle.
-The Idle San Diego Chargers moved up in the power rankings.
-10 weeks in and we are still listening to Mr. Faith Hill revamp the words to that God awful song. If all I have to look forward to is the L.A. Chargers and Mr. Faith Hill, the NFL will feel my wrath. Of this I promise.
-I miss people wondering who got the better end of the Mike Vick for Ladainian Tomlinson trade. Why won’t anyone bring this up anymore? I have an opinion. I’ll raise my hand and wait my turn and everything. Come on. Somebody? Anybody?
-To the Vikings: Thumbs up from me for giving us the Sex Boat Love Cruise story (of which we all wish we were a part of no matter how despicable (awesome) some say it was) and for ruining Tom Coughlin’s underwear and weekend in New York.
-To Roy Williams of the Cowboys: Thanks for that wonderful interception last night. You have officially guaranteed that we will have to continue talking about Terrell Owens until the Eagles are officially eliminated from the playoffs. And then continue to talk about him because the Iggles missed the playoffs. I hope you get to hook up with one of the girls in the “Ron Mexico” flock.
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