As is known world wide, darling Jacksonville quarterback, ‘Bryon’ Leftwich is out for the season with a broken Ankiel, uh, ankle. Now, I am not here to denigrate Bryon, but, there were many who were a thinking that under his leadership the dear old loveable Jags would be waltzing on into the playoffs via a wild card over teams like ours due to cupcake competition along the way. And I don’t mean the eating kind even though I’d bet that Bryon would be good in one of those too. That guy’s jersey is screaming in pain from all the stretching it’s doing on Sunday’s. To say he tests the breaking point of the threads weekly is an understatement. Guess what folks? Never been much of a Bryon fan, probably won’t ever become a convert, and the Cards nearly beat the Spotted Kitties back to Hurricane Land. David Garard a capable backup? Maybe. Or, here’s an idea, Bryon just isn’t that good... Follow up to this story is that new media Superman (allegedly), A.K.A. Matt Jones will not be getting a start at the quarterbacking position, despite his college resume. And no I am not harboring any bitterness that we are still a game back of the Kitties for now.
During Monday night’s game, one that was colossally traumatic to watch as an anti-Manning fan, in commercial break number 692, I saw a preview for what is known to some as the ‘George Lopez Show’. Now, this is hardly groundbreaking stuff I realize, but what was interesting about said preview was the outfit that what I assume to be his way too hot for him wife was wearing resembled our Quarterback’s jersey. In fact, I am fairly positive of this as they showed her twice, but seeing as how I was trying to find entertainment in watching the ceiling fan spin, I could be wrong. Someone help me out here and let me know if I was just dizzy from all the neck rolls I was doing. Oh, and I could have sworn that the second time they showed her, the number was backwards. No I wasn’t drinking or doing any illicit drugs.
Note: The program is on while I am sitting here right now, and yes it is our outstanding quarterback’s jersey she is wearing. I don’t know how I feel about this. Wait, I think I am okay with this. But isn’t George Lopez a TailRaider fan? Or is that Carlos Santana, I’m confused…
So, I have developed yet another problem with this ‘team’ that will be attempting to invade our home turf this weekend. It is that time again folks. Yep, it’s TailRaider week. That time of the year when the now loveable losers from Oakland come not storming but sashaying into town, occupying all of the available hotels in the greater Hillcrest and Northpark area. Parading around in their stunningly feminine black and silver mostly leather S&M gear, sporting fashionable whips, and chain adornments. Yep, it’s TailRaider week, which means if you have to tie your shoe, make sure you have a solid, preferably brick constructed object to back up to and lean against.
In what is already a quiver of problems with this ultra borderline ‘team’, TailRaider week has become rather a joke in the last few years. Far removed from the Super Bowl team that was soundly throttled by their ex-coach, this squad still looks as if they take the field without a care in the world, dumbfounded by the fact that they are actually supposed to win a game. It’s gotten to the point where this team has actually become a sad parody of itself and its fans in the now. Evidence? There is a guy named Violator, self proclaimed super TailRaider Fan. In an article I read last month, he spent the entire interview illustrating how the Black Hole folk were good people, signed a lot of autographs for kids, and basically obliterated the notion that the Transvestite fans were intimidating at all. Right down to the fanny pack he wears with his garb to hold his gear. Yep, a hip purse. He reiterated how tough it is when opposing fans rip him for his choice in women’s wear. Had I the ability to find the link you would have it so you could laugh your pants soiled like I did. But, if you see him at the Murph this weekend, and he is pretty prevalent, some who post here have met him, make sure to point out his man bag. He loves it.
Now the point here isn’t to make fun of this team or their fans (lie) but to really emphasize that what used to be a fairly competitive rivalry has become somewhat of a lopsided matchup anymore. It is too easy (LIE) to just sit back and pick on the cross dressing, fanny pack wearing version of the Yankees of Football, and it would be nice once in a while (lie) to be able to see a worthy bay area opponent take the field against our far superior football team (truth). Is it too much to ask of Mr. Davis to finally stop bottom feeding for castoff coaches that have never achieved much in the way of success? Would it be too much to ask for him to actually try to put together a team that is not only talented but has a leader that will inspire the wannabe convicts to actually play out a full game, let alone an entire season? It’s funny to me that Randy Moss still is only playing when he feels like it, which is for about a minute and a half in the first quarter before the team inevitably falls behind. Warren Sapp demands that the defense be reorganized to suit his game, then shows up looking like he swallowed a piano, and yet would still be a worthy opponent for ‘Bryon’ in an obstacle course, or cupcake eating contest. This team is now a joke. What was once a fun, bitter, competitive, hate fueled rivalry with the least educated fans in the game, has now become another walk in the park, slaughterhouse Sunday. I am getting sort of tired of looking at the schedule and seeing TailRaider week in print and immediately chalking up a victory for us (LIE!! I’LL NEVER GET TIRED OF BEATING THEM.). For the love of God would it kill someone if they tried to beat us once in a while?? Eleven point favorites with the opening line on Tuesday…. Not that I keep track of those things.
Now I have to go and see if my sixteen brain cells can get together long enough to compose something coherent about Sunday night’s game.