I can’t believe you stole my League Darling Jacksonville moniker. We are now at odds!
I hate to do actual research, but since the theme of this post today is, “Screw you Jacksonville and the idiot paid sports jerks who bow to your mediocrity,” I figured I should have some hard facts.
Of course, you all realize that the reason I need to rag on Jacksonville is because presently we need Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, or the Jags to drop off in the last month or so of the season if we are to even have a shot at the playoffs. Pittsburgh just won’t bow out. It’s possible, but I’m just going to have to go ahead and pencil them in for the post season. Sue me. Cincinnati I’m not totally sold on. I mean, that offense is formidable, but that defense gives up points like Paris Hil- Oh Christ! That is too easy, and too cliché, but you get it. The only “good” team this playoff contender has beaten is the Chicago Bearcats, or Lion cubs or whatever they’re called. The things is, they’re not lining up a lot of Super Bowl teams on the way out either. Sign them up for some extended season action. I’d mention Kansas City, but their last five games of the season are gonna be a bear, so sorry Vermeil, those will have to be tears of sadness instead of joy. Which leaves us with…
…The LEAGUE DARLING JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS! The Of Mice and Men of the NFL. If that stellar defense can keep the offense from petting baby animals and women to death, they can hang with anybody. A lot of you are saying, “But that describes the Chicago Polar Sloths as well.” So, just so we don’t confuse anybody, the Chicago team will from here on out be called…Rainman. Got it? Good.
So, OM&M lost their starting QB, the great and mighty Byron Leftwich (I don’t know why my counterpart has such a hard time with that one), for at least four weeks. In steps David? Garrard? Garrard instantly RUNS for a TD. Exciting stuff. Especially since Leftwich, despite being…um…tall, can’t run for beans. Well, if Garrard can run like that, and somehow scramble to defeat the mighty Cardinals, who only give up 26+ points a game, then the LD Jags are obviously on the fast track to the Super Bowl! They’re riding in the Super Magical Unicorn car!
“Where are the hard facts, Maximum Colossus?” you ask? I told you about the Cardinals 26+ points a game. What more do you want from me? Okay, how about this for a hard fact? Jacksonville will fade. So to the Chargers I say, in the immortal words of Han Solo, “You’re all clear, kid. Now let’s blow this thing and go home!” Only, don’t blow it, Chargers. Alright? Go Bolts!!!
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment