Thursday, December 02, 2004

No More Sodomy...

Oh, a new game. I like new games. I can even play this one I think. Let me give it a shot. It goes like this:

I see your likes and I raise you mine: I too like the color blue, boobs on girls, cold beers and football teams bearing our name. Pizza from the Bronx, my new shirt, foam fingers, and beanies when it’s colder than the hands of an Alaskan bar fly. Ronald Curry when he does his Bree Walker impression, Dante Hall point shaving, Ummm… Amazing Grace and Chuck (great film), yeah, that one chick, I remember her mmmmm…Illegal touching penalties and of course Patron Tequila.

I see your dislikes and I raise you all of ‘em: Bad Kickers, Bad!!, Sealab 2021 (stupid scary cartoon), Ashlei Leilie on 4th and 9, Denver (all of it), Colorado while were at it, Fantasy Dorks (you know they all played Dungeons and Dragons as kids, wait, probably still do), meetings on Fridays…, Brent Jones speaking, the end of Happy Hour, bad sushi, Oakland, Gas Prices, tequila in plastic bottles, those other chicks (thank god for cartoons that night) and smart ass authors saying I told you so in their posts.

Okay so I wasn’t as composed as I should have been against the Chiefs. But I have valid reasoning beyond being spoiled by the awesomeness that was the middle of the season. In the football games that we were decimating the competition, we were the Super Chargers, playing mistake free football, dominating, destroying and stomping on their collective groins with a twist of our foot pummeling the competition. Beating the other squads soundly were we. Mistake free football, did I list that in the “likes” section above?

In the last two games, yes victories, yes close games, yes exciting, and yes sometimes inducing heads to bounce off of wooden altars out of frustration. There were too many mistakes, too many incidents of Charger football of yore. Timeouts burning like villages in the Sudan, Penalties mounting like bulldogs in the park, luck be a lady plays like fumbled kickoff returns and dropped wide open passes against us, oh by the way both for touchdowns. Passes to offensive linemen? I mean come on. Yes we won, but bottom line is none of those games are even close if we aren’t actually trying to sodomize ourselves with our own skulls during the course of them. I love my footballing team, yes I do. No, I will never think they suck again, well that’s not true, but it certainly isn’t true now. I now hold them to a higher level of expectation, I want to see the football team that can beat Indianapolis (side note: Do you want to be the team that is forever known as the team that “Pay Some Man”ing breaks Marino’s record against?). I saw them for a while but in the last couple of weeks they were gone. They need to play to that level or yes I will be angered like the volcano God in the Brady Bunch. Did you ever see that one where Greg falls off the surfboard? Just genius that Sherwood Schwartz was!

That’s it. The foam finger comes out this Sunday. So it has been said, so it shall be done.

Friday fun tomorrow…

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