Friday, December 03, 2004

Magnitude Friday...

So here it is Friday again, as I sit in my chair preparing for the “Magnitude” game as it shall be called from now on. I have taped up the ankles, wrists and fingers and I am ready to get to some footballing this Sunday. Let it be known that I will be sleeping in my uniform, consisting of my new best shirt, beanie, and warming up the arm on Saturday night so that all things Bolt will prevail this weekend. On to the Quick Hits:

1) Jake “The Snake”, good God how I hate this guy. It is my belief that this guy can be shakier than the offspring of a Tourette’s victim and an epileptic that forgot his medicine. Randall Godfrey and the rest of the 3-4 need reinstate “Whacking Day”. Bring your clubs boys, got a snake to whack.

2) Two guys named Ashlei, and Rod. Sounds like the resurgence of Ace and Gary to me. If the guys playing outfield at the Murph Sunday can handle the Ambiguous Duo, we should be in good shape.

3) Death by Leg. Get ready for this logic, ready: Jason Elam vs. Nate “Saturday Night Kansas Style” Kaeding. Whoever wins this battle loses this game. Them legging us to death plus us scoring quarter bricks equals good things for us. I will take the E-lamb. I wonder if that guy dreams about sheep on cold nights in Colorado…

4) The matchups: Quarterbacks: Edge: Us (Barely), Offensive Lines: Edge: Them (Barely), Running Backs: Edge: Us (Big Us), Tight Ends: Edge: Us (Partner, you care to handle this one?), Receivers: Edge: Even (Parker shines this week as the number two, watch, I am telling you…), Defensive Backs: Edge: Them (Only slightly, and only because the Effeminate Pirates made the Champ look like the Chump in the snow), Overall: Edge: Us (Slightly, like getting a two point home field advantage in your fantasy league, …..dorks.)

5) Prop Bet Numero Uno: Over/Under on Bolts bad timeouts plus Bolts trick plays. I am setting the line at 1.5. I am taking the under. If this goes over, there is no telling what might happen to those sitting in the first five rows behind me. They may be sprayed with gray matter when my cranium explodes.

6) My lock of the week: Tomlinson. They are going to have to prove they can stop him. I think we can run on them and he has been really quiet lately…shhh. Don’t give away the secrets that only a blessed few (us) know. They have been saving him for this week, Prop Bet #2: Over/Under Rushing Yard for the Beast: 151. I got the over…..shhhhh….!

7) Prop Bet # 3: Over/Under on the amount of times my head bounces off of the altar. The line is 3.5. The over might be a good bet here, but I will let you call it…

Final thoughts, I think this is going to be a good one. I know that this is going to be a good one. I think that we can win. I think that we are out to prove something. I think we should run up the score. Can we accomplish all of this? Absoulutely. Will we accomplish all of this? Can’t say for sure, but I can say that I plan on having victory shots at exactly: 4:21 p.m. Pacific Time. I hope you all enjoy our “Magnitude” weekend. That is all….

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