Tonight's Game That I Can't Watch...

...because I don't have the NFL Network and it is not compelling enough to get me out of the house and into a bar. Seriously, I don't even have any fantasy guys in this game. But hey, if you want to go ahead and get up big early and forego gambling for the weekend, here's how the game will shake out.

I like the pesky Dolphins to take this game and start to make the AFC East interesting. I'm not saying this only because I refuse to ever give Jay Cutler and the city of Chicago any kind of credit for anything. I mean, that's certainly a big part of it, but it's not the entire reason.

Reason 1 would be my inverse Ronnie Brown Career Season Trajectory Theory. Anyone who has owned Ronnie Brown in fantasy football over the last few years knows that he typically owns the league for 6 or 7 weeks and then succumbs to a season ending injury. So frustrating. This year he has been pretty much invisible in Miami. This leaves only the last 7 weeks to assert his annual dominance. Or to suffer a season ending injury. But screw that, I'm going with dominance!

Reason 2 would be that Tyler "Yancey" Thigpen should be the starting quarterback for the Chiefs right now. Look, I saw Thigpen play for KC. He put up good numbers. A solid contributor that didn't cost enough money for them to justify letting him actually compete for the job. Miami has no choice but to play the guy, and I think they will be pleased with his performance. At least until they do something ridiculous like bring in Jamarcus Russell or Matt Leinart. Is Matt Leinart playing for anyone right now?

Mostly, though, I think Chicago loses because Chicago deserves to lose. You know what you did, Chicago. And Jay Cutler sucks. Bears 17, Dolphins 24