What's Left of the Picks

Okay, you're just going to have to take my word for it that I was 3 for 3 on the Turkey Day games. Sure I thought Detroit would keep it closer and I didn't see the Cowpokes putting up that much of a fight, but the end result is the same. 3 for 3 and ready to take the pot in my pick'em pool. Let's see if I can't go ahead and fuck it up, shall we?

Green Bay @ Atlanta
I'm tired of telling you how much bullshit I think Green Bay is, so let's just assume you know my opinion on the matter. Atlanta looked a bit off through the first five games or so and after that they rounded out into probably the most balanced team in the league. Roddy White is a monster. I can't see them losing to Green Bay, who I inexplicably hate. Of course, they probably will now. Packers 20, Falcons 28

Pitt @ Buffalo
A lot of people compared that Buffalo comeback vs. Cincy to their comeback in the playoffs versus the Oilers way back when. Problem is, when they came back on the Oilers, they didn't then go on to beat the ever loving shit out of them. God Cincy, be more awful. I don't really know what the Steelers are right now, but they are not giving up 49 to the Bills. Steelers 24, Bills 14

Carolina @ Cleveland
A month ago, this looked like a game they would force insurgents to watch. Now? Cleveland is kind of fun. Crazy white RB? Hell yeah. Carolina sucks butthole. Panthers 13, Browns 30

Tennessee @ Houston
A month ago this looked like the kind of game you'd watch with no pants on. Now? Cover your eyes. The two most explosive RBs will face off in a battle to see who can better carry their awful team through a meaningless Sunday. Coin flip. I honestly have no idea who i picked in my pool. I just checked and this game is not on locally, so you're safe if you stay home. Titans 23, Texans 21

Jax @ NY VaGiants
A month ago this looked like a sure blowout for the VaGiants. Now? Fuck if I know. Ahmad Bradshaw lost his starting job doing his best early Tiki Barber impression and the VaG's receiving corps is beat up. Still, Jacksonville can't possibly be at all for real, right? Right? Jags 10, VaGiants 17

Minnesota @ Washington
Who fucking cares? ViQueens 20, Skins 16

Miami @ Oakland
The season! It's slipping from our grasp! Both teams. I was wrong about Thigpen. I can live with that. Fins 13, Raiders 34

KC @ Seattle
This game gives me flashbacks. Can you believe this is a battle between two first place teams? Let that sink in. My pick really comes down to which team I hate more. I'm looking at you Seattle. Try and run off to another division? Fuck that! I'm onto you. KC gets one more week alone at the top. One more. Chiefs 30, Seahawks 14

Tampa @ Baltimore
For the first time in their history, Tampa is likable. Too bad their fall back to Earth starts today. They could be the real deal in another year. Bucs 10, Ravens 20

Philadelphia @ Chicago
God, if Chicago manages to win another game I am just going to lose it. They are fucking terrible. Jay Cutler throws to the other team at least 10 times a game, and every fucking time the DB drops that shit or a penalty turns it over. Fucking awful. Awful awful awful! Just fucking die already, Bears! Iggles 20, Bears Fucking Die! 16

St. Louis @ Denver
Which Denver team will show up this week? The team that gives up the ass for crack? Or the team that scores a bunch of points but still sucks balls for speed? Their Belichek disciple of a coach just got caught taping another team's practice. How original. Go away, Denver. Nobody wants you here. you are officially the smelly paste eating kid. Rams 24, Broncos 21

Frisco @ Arizona
When they set the schedule this probably looked like a game people would want to see. Now? I will finally find out what other channels show on Monday nights. Niners 13, Cards 17

Awesome San Diego @ Indy
Now, a lot of people are going to say I'm being a homer here, but you have to admit that right now the Bolts are the best team in the history of the NFL. I don't normally buy into that "We've got Indy's #" bullshit, but it's pretty apparent that they could never ever beat us if their lives depended on it. We own them and they turn to shit when they see our uniforms. This will be a slaughter and Manning will likely apologize for his brother's foolishness and then retire after the game in utter disgrace. We get Vincent Jackson back, which is good because Malcolm Floyd is Samuel Jackson from that Manny Shyamalan movie nobody went to see. If Gates is back as well we will win this game by 100 points. If not, 50. I don't even want to call an actual score here, but it will probably be somewhere in this ballpark. Bolts 75, Colts 0.0

Disband the NFL! The Chargers own thee, bitches!!! Go Bolts!!!