Wednesday, November 24, 2004

Fake Friday Analysis And Prediction

I am taking the next several days off from posting to this board in deferrence to our founding Pilgrim types and their affinity for Turkey and Native Americans. Therefore, I will today address a number of issues, starting with my take on the state of the NFL, followed by some typical flip flopping, and finishing with my Chargers at Chiefs in depth game analysis. Ready, Okay!

Inspired by my co-contributor once again, I too have assembled my views on the 32 teams competing in the National Football League this year. I must admit, mine is not nearly as comprehensive as his, but what I lack in content, I try to compensate for in quality.

Chargers: Best running back+best tight end+best hit this year on Jerry Porter= Best.Team.Ever.

Other 31 Teams: In the immortal words of Jeff Spicoli, "Those guys are fags."

Next issue: Drew Brees. I'm actually starting to believe this may not be his swan song after all. No, I'm not saying the Chargers will make the unprecedented move of trading away their first round pick before ever really putting him on the field. And I'm certainly not inferring that we'll keep Rivers on the bench for another year, or that Brees will gladly accept less money and a back-up role. I believe that Brees will stay in San Diego because I'm pretty sure I saw a bunch of guys in head-to-toe Bolts gear drag Philip Rivers into the back of a white cargo van last night. I can't be positive, but Chargers spokespeople won't return my calls, so you add it up.

Now for the 'piece de resistance' (that's French, cause this is a classy board and all), analysis and prediction for this week's contest. Let me start by saying that I am aware that I have pretty heavily copped out on this stuff over the last few weeks, with a lot of "We're gonna slaughter this," and "We're gonna demolish that," but after last week's close call I'm going to go ahead and earn my keep here.

The Chargers currently sit tied atop the AFC West with the filthy Broncos, sporting an impressive 7-3 record. Unfortunately, our club is only 1-3 against teams that have a winning record so far this season. That is cause for concern if you consider that the Chiefs, tied up in the cellar of the aforementioned AFC West along side the lowly Raiders at 3-7, have achieved all three of their victories versus teams with quality win-loss records. In fact, they beat the ever loving crap out of the Falcons, who came along and stole one from us a week before. Ouch. Trent Green has thrown a solid handful of 300 yard games and KC's running game tends to be prolific, to say the least. All this may explain why we are 3 1/2 point underdogs this coming Sunday. That there is all the bad news.

Now for the good news. True, the Chiefs offense is capable of amassing yards upon yards of football advancement week in and week out. Unfortunately for them, however, even 500+ total yards was not enough to take out the oh-so-ridiculous Saints a couple weeks back. We beat them, right? And even though Derrick Blaylock is a more than capable back-up, our opponent's running game becomes far less threatening without Priest Holmes, who in years past, the Chargers have approached tackling as if he were an icky bug. We shall not even mention the ultra agressive Gunther Cunningham defense, except to say that it baffles this football fan to try and figure out how it's worse than the D they fielded last year.

In closing, this game actually frightens me. Do I feel we should win? Of course I do. I feel that things are definitely stacked to our favor right now. But the Chiefs get to play the rest of the season with virtually nothing on the line. I have no doubt they will relish the role of spoiler, and we can not afford to make some of the glaring mistakes we made in Oakland. In my estimation, scoreboard will read, Chargers: A teeny bit more than the Chiefs, Chiefs: A tiny bit less than the Chargers. and I can live with that. Go Bolts!

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