And Away We Go!

Well, it wasn't the 75-0 shellacking I predicted, but it was a shellacking none-the-less. Here's a couple of quick thoughts.

• Watching Mike Tolbert run makes me believe more than ever that Norv Turner was operating under some mandate last year to make Tomlinson and Sproles work in the backfield due to the amount of dollars they were being paid. Tolbert and, at the time, Bennett were the two best backs on the team for the system Norv runs and they saw very limited time. Too bad. We may have given the Jets a real game if Tolbert had carried the rock. And while I like Mathews and expect him to be a strong contributor for some time to come, we could have used that pick elsewhere and we may very well be headed to another LT vs. Michael Turner type of decision in the future.
• Gotta get that ball in the end zone. Period. As I pointed out before the Colts are not what they used to be, and it was apparent last night, but if we get into the postseason again the leg is not going to do it. I suspect a great deal of this problem fixes itself if Gates ever gets truly healthy, or at least healthy enough to act as anything more than a mild offensive diversion.
• Sproles is pretty well worthless as anything other than a receiver out of the backfield at this point. His happy feet give me Ronnie Harmon flashbacks, and no, that is not a good thing. When Tolbert went out for a bit last night, our running game was effectively gone. Seriously, I'd rather see Hester carry the ball.
• I like Collinsworth and Michaels as announcers, but it appears no one is immune to the disease known as making excuses for Manning and the Colts. And that's fine. They have injuries. They have lost good players. But let's give a little credit where credit is due. And while we're at it, why does no one ever have the guts to point out that guys like Manning and Brady fold under defensive pressure. They don't see it very often, but when they do, it's not pretty. Also, Wayne clearly flopped to try and draw a flag on the play Weddle took for a TD. I'd have thought he was Jerry Rice, but Jerry always got his flag.
• Anybody surprised to see VJ go down with a strained calf in the 1st quarter? That is a bitter man. And honestly, it's hard to blame him from where I'm standing. You might see him change his attitude a bit, though, if a shot at the whole enchilada materializes over the next few weeks. You don't get too many shots at the ring.

The rest of the schedule looks pretty cinchy, with the possible exception of KC, of course. Oh, and Frank Gore. None of the rest of the Niners, but definitely Gore. I like our chances to do this crap again. Go Bolts!!!

What's Left of the Picks

Okay, you're just going to have to take my word for it that I was 3 for 3 on the Turkey Day games. Sure I thought Detroit would keep it closer and I didn't see the Cowpokes putting up that much of a fight, but the end result is the same. 3 for 3 and ready to take the pot in my pick'em pool. Let's see if I can't go ahead and fuck it up, shall we?

Green Bay @ Atlanta
I'm tired of telling you how much bullshit I think Green Bay is, so let's just assume you know my opinion on the matter. Atlanta looked a bit off through the first five games or so and after that they rounded out into probably the most balanced team in the league. Roddy White is a monster. I can't see them losing to Green Bay, who I inexplicably hate. Of course, they probably will now. Packers 20, Falcons 28

Pitt @ Buffalo
A lot of people compared that Buffalo comeback vs. Cincy to their comeback in the playoffs versus the Oilers way back when. Problem is, when they came back on the Oilers, they didn't then go on to beat the ever loving shit out of them. God Cincy, be more awful. I don't really know what the Steelers are right now, but they are not giving up 49 to the Bills. Steelers 24, Bills 14

Carolina @ Cleveland
A month ago, this looked like a game they would force insurgents to watch. Now? Cleveland is kind of fun. Crazy white RB? Hell yeah. Carolina sucks butthole. Panthers 13, Browns 30

Tennessee @ Houston
A month ago this looked like the kind of game you'd watch with no pants on. Now? Cover your eyes. The two most explosive RBs will face off in a battle to see who can better carry their awful team through a meaningless Sunday. Coin flip. I honestly have no idea who i picked in my pool. I just checked and this game is not on locally, so you're safe if you stay home. Titans 23, Texans 21

Jax @ NY VaGiants
A month ago this looked like a sure blowout for the VaGiants. Now? Fuck if I know. Ahmad Bradshaw lost his starting job doing his best early Tiki Barber impression and the VaG's receiving corps is beat up. Still, Jacksonville can't possibly be at all for real, right? Right? Jags 10, VaGiants 17

Minnesota @ Washington
Who fucking cares? ViQueens 20, Skins 16

Miami @ Oakland
The season! It's slipping from our grasp! Both teams. I was wrong about Thigpen. I can live with that. Fins 13, Raiders 34

KC @ Seattle
This game gives me flashbacks. Can you believe this is a battle between two first place teams? Let that sink in. My pick really comes down to which team I hate more. I'm looking at you Seattle. Try and run off to another division? Fuck that! I'm onto you. KC gets one more week alone at the top. One more. Chiefs 30, Seahawks 14

Tampa @ Baltimore
For the first time in their history, Tampa is likable. Too bad their fall back to Earth starts today. They could be the real deal in another year. Bucs 10, Ravens 20

Philadelphia @ Chicago
God, if Chicago manages to win another game I am just going to lose it. They are fucking terrible. Jay Cutler throws to the other team at least 10 times a game, and every fucking time the DB drops that shit or a penalty turns it over. Fucking awful. Awful awful awful! Just fucking die already, Bears! Iggles 20, Bears Fucking Die! 16

St. Louis @ Denver
Which Denver team will show up this week? The team that gives up the ass for crack? Or the team that scores a bunch of points but still sucks balls for speed? Their Belichek disciple of a coach just got caught taping another team's practice. How original. Go away, Denver. Nobody wants you here. you are officially the smelly paste eating kid. Rams 24, Broncos 21

Frisco @ Arizona
When they set the schedule this probably looked like a game people would want to see. Now? I will finally find out what other channels show on Monday nights. Niners 13, Cards 17

Awesome San Diego @ Indy
Now, a lot of people are going to say I'm being a homer here, but you have to admit that right now the Bolts are the best team in the history of the NFL. I don't normally buy into that "We've got Indy's #" bullshit, but it's pretty apparent that they could never ever beat us if their lives depended on it. We own them and they turn to shit when they see our uniforms. This will be a slaughter and Manning will likely apologize for his brother's foolishness and then retire after the game in utter disgrace. We get Vincent Jackson back, which is good because Malcolm Floyd is Samuel Jackson from that Manny Shyamalan movie nobody went to see. If Gates is back as well we will win this game by 100 points. If not, 50. I don't even want to call an actual score here, but it will probably be somewhere in this ballpark. Bolts 75, Colts 0.0

Disband the NFL! The Chargers own thee, bitches!!! Go Bolts!!!

First Hurdle? Cleared

There is no way in Hell it should have taken this long, but even at a game behind KC, the Chargers look poised to snatch this awful division yet again from the clutches of teams that don't seem particularly interested in taking on the responsibility. Maybe they've seen us get whacked in the post season enough to know that there's no point in advancing anyway. That's certainly how it looks for us again this year, after once again stumbling blindly from the gate. We may well take this AFC West title again, but where do we stand against playoff calibre teams?

Well, we might find out this coming Sunday against the Colts. Personally, I don't think it's too much of a stretch to say the Colts have come back down to Earth quite a bit this season. Most years they haven't lost a game yet, but this year they've already dropped 4. To call their defense suspect would be to compliment them and they are actually more riddled with injury than we are. However, as my cohort CJ pointed out to me, their quarterback is still Peyton Manning and this is still the regular season where he rules.

As for us, we get back Vincent Jackson, and hopefully Antonio Gates. My theory about the running game working better with either Ryan Mathews or Mike Tolbert on the bench appears to have been strengthened in validity last night. I still believe our defense is playing over it's head, but the results are the results and I have to go ahead and assume they can continue to do so until it's been proven otherwise.

Unless you count the Chiefs and the Raiders (and I suppose you sort of have to because they beat us this season, but I'm just not going to acknowledge it),the Colts are the last true contender I can find on the schedule. Frisco and Cincy might put up a fight, but they aren't any kind of indicators as to the kind of foes we'd meet in January. Only the Colts fit that bill, so while the horse stomping in Denver last night more or less legitimized us as a probable qualifier, only a win in Indy will make me believe we can truly be contenders for the whole shootin' match.

All that being said, that was the best game I've seen us play in quite a while. Go Bolts!!!

Are You Ready for This Toaster?!

So, I didn't post m,y picks for Sunday this last week, because after Thursday's stinker I was already eliminated from my pool. One and done. Just another reason to hate Thursday Night Football and the whole NFL in general.

I do, however, feel I should weigh in on tonight's game. I'm drinking the Kool-aid for now. I think we've got this game handled. I think it will be a pretty high scoring affair, and that Kyle Orton will probably put up a nifty stat line, but I think Philip Rivers & Co. end up getting the best of the Donks. And here's a couple of reasons why.

1) Some guys are getting healthy. Floyd and Naanee are back, and while Tutu and his pals from the practice squad did a fine job stepping in, this is an upgrade. Gates is questionable, but I think he plays in an important division game like this.

2) Ryan Mathews is out. Now, this is not a rip on Ryan Mathews. I think Mathews is going to be a star, but Norvelle and the Bolts have fallen into the trap of buying a little too into the running back by committee thing. And when you've got two guys carrying the load, nobody really ever gets into a rythm. You overthink things. Look at teams like Dallas and Baltimore. I've seen their goal line specialists get stuffed time after time after time, but they keep going to that well rather than just hand the ball to the best back on their team. They are now crippled with an inability to adjust their gameplan, and if they can't make adjustments, what makes anyone think Norvelle can? Ultimately, Mathews needs to be given the ball and allowed to become the player I believe he can be. Until then, however, the offense will benefit when either he or Tolbert is out.

Of course, we could lose this game if it's too wet. Or if any other unforeseen variable presents itself and shreds our mental toughness. Sorry, did that sound like I was being negative? I'm not. Honest, I'm back on the wagon full time. I may even buy this toaster. Go Bolts!!!

Broncos 28, Bolts 31

Tonight's Game That I Can't Watch...

...because I don't have the NFL Network and it is not compelling enough to get me out of the house and into a bar. Seriously, I don't even have any fantasy guys in this game. But hey, if you want to go ahead and get up big early and forego gambling for the weekend, here's how the game will shake out.

I like the pesky Dolphins to take this game and start to make the AFC East interesting. I'm not saying this only because I refuse to ever give Jay Cutler and the city of Chicago any kind of credit for anything. I mean, that's certainly a big part of it, but it's not the entire reason.

Reason 1 would be my inverse Ronnie Brown Career Season Trajectory Theory. Anyone who has owned Ronnie Brown in fantasy football over the last few years knows that he typically owns the league for 6 or 7 weeks and then succumbs to a season ending injury. So frustrating. This year he has been pretty much invisible in Miami. This leaves only the last 7 weeks to assert his annual dominance. Or to suffer a season ending injury. But screw that, I'm going with dominance!

Reason 2 would be that Tyler "Yancey" Thigpen should be the starting quarterback for the Chiefs right now. Look, I saw Thigpen play for KC. He put up good numbers. A solid contributor that didn't cost enough money for them to justify letting him actually compete for the job. Miami has no choice but to play the guy, and I think they will be pleased with his performance. At least until they do something ridiculous like bring in Jamarcus Russell or Matt Leinart. Is Matt Leinart playing for anyone right now?

Mostly, though, I think Chicago loses because Chicago deserves to lose. You know what you did, Chicago. And Jay Cutler sucks. Bears 17, Dolphins 24

The Chargers are for Sale!!!

Psych! I bet the locals are going crazy with the idea that Spanos might actually be considering selling the team to someone who likes football and enjoys winning, but if Alex Spanos sold all his stake, the family would still probably own the majority. The truth is that Alex Spanos is looking to sell a minority stake in the Chargers to some random wealthy Los Angelino or other. What does it mean? Nothing really, as far as I can tell. I mean, the doom and gloomers will say that this is proof that the Spanos family is looking to move the team and they are now securing a financial partnership in the city. I say that this means nothing because, as I've said before, I have never doubted their intent to leave.

Also, in the above link, it is mentioned that the City of San Diego eliminated some development cap which opens up the possibility of the city funding an East Village stadium project or something. This really means nothing, because look around. This town is bankrupt financially and morally. The only way the Chargers get a new stadium is if they win the Superbowl this year. And even then it's a one in a million shot. And no, I'm not saying there's a chance.

Update: Now go read Tim Sullivan's article from today's UT on how the NFL is treating Atlanta in their bid for a Superbowl and then ask yourself if there isn't a small part of you that wouldn't mind seeing the Chargers and the NFL in general become someone else's problem.

Mike Vick

I have to talk about Mike Vick and what he did last night. Now, there are a lot of people who will always hate Vick and feel he should not even be allowed to play in the NFL. Personally, I feel like he paid his debt and deserves the chance he's received to move on. And damn if he hasn't made the most of it. That was a performance for the ages last night. And I'm not just saying that because he bailed out a woeful performance from the rest of my fantasy football team. I don't know if Vick spent his entire two years in the hoosegow throwing a football through a tire or if he just thought football 24/7, but what I do know is that this Vick is at least 5 times the player he was before all that nasty business. I don't condone what he did back then, but I can't deny that I find myself rooting for Mike Vick the football player now.

Take That. You Filthy Bye Week!

Now go back to bye-ville where you bye-long! You just got served! Do people still say that? The "You got served" thing? Whatever. Served, bitches! Don't look now, but the Chargers haven't lost in three weeks, and with Denver murdelating the Chiefs, the mighty Bolts are practically back in the driver's seat in the AFC West. Yeah, baby! Nothing's going to bring this Chargers Nation down! Oh, I mean, unless you caught this little blurb in Peter King's column today:

"This is the best chance Los Angeles has to get a team in a long time.

Nothing's going to happen until after the owners and players get a new collective bargaining agreement, but once that happens, I expect, as I said on NBC last night, the league to get cracking on bringing one of the 32 teams to a new stadium adjacent to the Staples Center and LA Live complex in downtown Los Angeles.

All along, what's held the NFL back is either that the league didn't really want to be at the Coliseum -- and USC wasn't crazy about having the NFL there -- or the league didn't want to be in the endless 'burbs of southern California. But the backers of the new stadium, Casey Wasserman and Tim Leiweke, are well-connected guys who want to build the kind of retractable-roof events center that could be used to attract the 2022 World Cup final (or some future World Cup) and Final Fours, as well as an NFL team. Influential owners in the league are excited about the Los Angeles prospect ending a generation-long drought in the city, and these are owners who -- I can tell you with certainty -- have not been nearly as excited about any of the previous L.A. ventures.

As for the team to play there, the obvious candidates are San Diego (likely the favorite, unless a stadium gets built there, which appears increasingly unlikely) or Oakland. I'd say San Diego's more likely, but this thing has a couple of years to play out."

Okay, personally, I came to grips with the fact that the Chargers were not long for this town shortly after the loophole in the Qualcomm Stadium contract came to light nearly 10 years ago. I've spent a decade with the knowledge that this team was living on borrowed time, so items like this don't bother me. But I do love sharing them with everybody else. With the likelihood of a lock-out next year, it's starting to look like the San Diego Chargers have but a season or two to get their championship for this hometown. That's pretty good, considering they'd probably be gone already if the economy hadn't gone Chernobyl a couple of years back. So, let's get our cheering caps on full force, because this may very well be our last year. And after yesterday's utter dismantling of that pesky bye week, I suddenly like our chances. Go Bolts!!!

And Now It's Time...

For the easiest part of every NFL blogger's job. The picks.

Baltimore @ Atlanta
I think Atlanta is going to go heavy in the air against the Ravens and Michael Turner's only going to get me 4 points. Lame, but I actually did pick this game right. Honest. i have documentation, just not on me. Ravens 21, Falcons 26 (Uncanny, isn't it?)

Detroit @ Buffalo
This is a stupid pick, but if Buffalo's going to win one, it has to be this one, right? And they have to win one. Right? Ugh, come on you fucking Buffalos! Lions 27, Buffalo 28

Minnesota @ Chicago
Say it with me, Chicago is awful. Felt good didn't it. Minnesota seems poised to pull their heads out of their asses and cause soime sort of weird coach/quarterback controversy thing. You realize that if this team bounces back and goes deep again, Favre will rule the offseason yet again, right? Vikings 23, Bears 13

NY Jets @ Cleveland
Everybody loves the Browns here, and after taking down two very hyped teams you can't really blame them. However, New Orleans hasn't looked right all year and New England highlighted the blunder of letting Randy Moss go last week. The Jets are legit. Except when they're not. But this week they are. Jets 30, Browns 17

Cincy @ Indy
Cincy is desperate and Manning's Colts look like they are falling to Earth like a rain of bullets in Chula Juana during a Cinco de Mayo celebration. Still, Cincy is desperate because they are bad. And Indy has a long fall too before they get to merely bad. Bengals 24, Colts 31

Houston @ Jacksonville
I cannot for the life of me remember who I picked in my pool for this game. A month ago it was a no-brainer. Jax? Awful. Texans? Ready to take the league by storm and be the team that everybody wants them to be. Now I think they both just kinda suck. Sort of. Bad year to live in Texas, though. Both the football clubs blow and the baseball team got whacked in the Series by the fucking Gayville VaGiants. I'm taking the home squad here. Texans 20, Jags 34

Tennessee @ Miami
Two more teams that are just kind of good sometimes except when they're not. Maybe Randy Moss brings some excitement to this game, but I doubt it. Snoozefest. Titans 17, Fins 20

Carolina @ Tampa Bay
Tampa is surprisingly likeable this year and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for the organization after they obliterated the Raiders in the Superbowl some years ago. Oh, and Carolina sucks and they are riddled with injuries. And they sucked when the whole team was healthy. Panthers 14, Bucs 28

KC @ Denver
KC is better this year but they are due some plummetin'. Josh McDaniels may already be playing for his job at this point after making about a thousand bad personnel decisions since landing in Denver. The super desperate team makes the AFC West scary mediocre on Sunday. Chiefs 24, Broncos 27

Seattle @ Arizona
Is Kurt Warner back yet? No. Don't care then. Seahawks 13, Cards 20

Dallas @ NY VaGiants
Dallas, you are terrible. VaGiants, you are for real. Like, Superbowl for real, maybe. It's going to be fun watching NY run up the score. You might see a forfeit. Cowboys 6, VaGiants 42

St. Louis @ San Francisco
The Rams are the feel okay story of the year! And Frisco is gay. Electric car gay. Rams 24, 49ers 16

New England @ Pitt
Well, New England, you nearly got Randy Moss back. But you didn't. Pittsburgh is going to eat your quarterback. Pats 9, Steelers 20

Philadelphia @ Washington
Unless Washington's game plan is to put the ole Malachi Crunch on Mike Vick again, I don't think they have a chance. However, that may very well be their game plan. Iggles 35, Skins 24

There you have it. What else do you wan?, We're done here. Go look at some porn or something.

Friday Already?

I could do with three or four more work days! Just kidding, one more work day and I'd be begging you to put me out of my misery with a volley of flaming hot AIDS nails. Too insensitive? Too bad.

First off, I want to thank my cohort for sacrificing his brain to that AJ Smith interview the other day. That must have been terrible. I mean, how much smug is too much? I guess they could have threeway called in Acee to really ratchet it up. Anyway, I couldn't have taken it, so way to go, CJ.

I don't have much to talk about, but there are two things I'd like to weigh in on:

1) Shawne Merriman strained his leg in his very first practice with the Bills. Local San Diego fans are saying he's done. Because they are all doctors. Look, Merriman may very well be the malcontent the local media makes him out to be. He may have fake injuried his way out of San Diego. Hell, he may be trying to fake injury his way out of Buffalo (Wouldn't you? Seriously, an 0-7 team putting in a waiver claim? Was Buddy Nix paying a debt on that one?). Or he may just be injury prone. Whatever the case, the guy is still relatively young, and a minor leg strain is not likely to be the straw that breaks his career. San Diego fans pretty firmly either love AJ Smith's no nonsense bullshit or they hate it. This sounds like the former group trying desperately to grasp at any straw that makes AJ look like a genius.

2) Speaking of genius moves by AJ, people can't shut up about Seyi Ajiratoutou(Fucking really?) around here. I imagine people are jazzed to give credit to AJ for finding the rookie phenom. But is he a phenom? Or is he Jyles Tucker in Wide Receivers clothing? Remember when Jyles Tucker got a big, fat contract after lighting it up against a woeful Raiders Offense? Well, don't look now, but Tutu lit up the 5th worst passing D in NFL history with arguably the best QB in the NFL right now throwing him the ball. Now everybody is freaking out about what to do with him. If we put him back on the practice squad, anybody can pick him up. Well, I'm sorry but I'd like to see more of the kid before I go pushing Patrick Crayton or anybody else out the door. Frankly, I think they should deactivate VJ and let him move on. How much is the guy going to give for this team over the last six games when everybody knows his future fortune lies elsewhere? But if you want to know what I think will happen, don't be surprised to see Malcolm Floyd or Legedu Naanee put on IR pretty soon. Just seems like the knee jerk kind of thing we'd pull right when things are starting to turn around.

Anyway, I got the Bolts to mess up the bye this week and I'll try to get my picks out here sometime today or tomorrow, if you care. Happy football, everybody!

The A.J. Interview Take II...

I gave this a day to simmer to see what would come of it from the local media. As expected, total media blackout. Canepa, silent. Acee, silent. NOTHING. Some excerpts from the interview can be found at this fansite which is always an "interesting" read in and of itself.

I had a few thoughts on this interview as I was so unlucky as to hear it live. I have now set a permanent reminder on my phone daily so that I never forget my ipod ever, ever, evereverever again. Sports radio is a bigger debacle than most other media outlets. Good god damn I'd rather go to jail for raping children with lawn rakes than to subject myself to that audio equivalent of waterboarding.

The one and only thing I can really say about this, aside from the fact that it was an unplanned act initiated by the Godfather in order to extend himself to the media, while keeping them completely unprepared to pepper him with the questions we all want answered. He says the Marti in the P.R. department called and made him do it. Marti was a neighbor of mine for a time. She's a tiny five foot nothing woman. She can make him go on the radio with a mere phone call? Perhaps she can influence him to sign and fire the proper people. She ought to accost him with a mirror with the word "FIRED" painted across the bottom of it. Maybe that would work.

Many have gotten on Darren Smith's case for not putting Lord Corleone on blast, however, make no mistake about it he was ambushed. He did his best ad lib and did what he could to extract some explanations from the G.M. and the G.M. did his best bob and weave to avoid admitting any responsibility for the current incarnation of the Chargers. He was also very clear about it being on the players, not the coaches. His coach was quoted in the UT today by Tim Sullivan as saying, "A week ago, New England was playing the best,” Turner said. “A month ago, Atlanta was playing the best and they got beat bad by New Orleans. So I’m not sure there’s a pure dominant team right now." Yeah, Atlanta won that game. Won. Not beat bad. Won. Glad you're the captain of the Valdez to Los Angeles fine sir.

There was the one contradiction in the dialogue that stuck with me. A.J. continued to insist that everyone was aware that with the current labor unrest, no Charger would be getting long term deals until such time that the union and the league reached some predictable stage of a settlement. He repeatedly reiterated that sentiment to the radio audience, and out of his own mouth, to the agents of the three disgruntled Chargers you may have heard mentioned here at this site and elsewhere. No Charger would receive long term contracts. None. Except Philip Rivers. Just him. No other Charger. Except Antonio Gates. But no one else. Nobody. Sign your more than fair, generous tenders and come to work. That is the message. And that message is crystal clear. The players, by turning down those initial tenders and threatening to hold out, essentially spit in the face of the Godfather, and in doing so, completely shut down the negotiations as he, "had to take them at their word." He called that the end of the negotiation process. He, "Could have given all three what they wanted and they'd have been there the first day of camp." But that's not his philosophy or the way things "get done." It "doesn't hit him real well." It's entirely possible that you could have found a middle ground for everyone involved, and everyone could have been happy. But that wouldn't have made A.J. happy. End of story.

Now, needless to say that all three of these players situations could have been handled individually. Merriman certainly had to prove he was at least a shadow of his former beastly self, and assuredly, Vinny Jackdaniels needed to prove that there was in fact a breathalyzer that he couldn't set afire with his wind. Listen to how proud he is that Merriman is in Buffalo. Deserved or undeserved listen to the satisfaction in his voice. But lumping Marcus into that duo was silly, petty and spiteful. Ego aside, he could have negotiated with each player on the merits of their play and off field presence and pay them market value for a year based on their individual situations. He chose not to. He also chose to suspend them. Another ego play that did not need to occur. This was never a negotiation, it was A.J. demonstrating his power and prematurely attempting to cement a legacy, a legacy that to date has been plagued with inefficiency, incompetence, irresponsibility and quite frankly failure at every level. Players, coaching and managing. All earn F grades. F. To quote Animal House and Canepa, "Zero. Zero points. Zero." Listen to the interview. I beg of you. The last five or so minutes are just nothing short of incredible.

It is truly all ego. Through to the bone. All ego.

The A.J. Interview Part 1...

I hate the radio. Yesterday I forgot my iPod and was subjected to the public airwaves. It just so happened that A.J. Smith, AKA "The Godfather" was on XX 1090 at 3:30 in the afternoon. I listened intently. On three separate occasions I had to stop myself from driving into oncoming traffic in order to end the canned tough guy rhetoric. However, since this was the first rush hour in San Diego since the time change no one knew how to move their vehicle more than five miles per hour due to the severity of the darkness.

I'm listening to the interview again prior to publishing my first draft out of fairness. That should come tonight. I have not confirmed this, but I'd guess they have it on their website if you'd like to aggravate your senses. Although, if you're a flatbill, you'll love it. Stay tuned.

Fine!

Look, Phillip Rivers has stepped into Peyton Manning territory. No matter who he's throwing to. No matter how bad everything else is going. No matter how shitty the coach or how bad the locker room vibe is. Phillip Rivers is going to give these Bolts the opportunity to win. It didn't hurt that the officials helped us out a bit or that the Texans shelved their gameplan for something a little more erratic in the second half, but any way you slice it that was a huge win. Now the Chargers are very alive in the division and things actually look pretty bright.

I expect the defense to get a little worse and the special teams to get a little better going forward, but the offense is what butters the bread around here. This team will still probably get shredded in the playoffs, but I guess it's time for me to jump back on the bandwagon. I'm still going to rip Norv and I'm still going to rip AJ. I shudder to think about what the local media has probably already written at this point, but as far as the team on the field goes I'm back in. For now. I reserve the right to be all waffly this season. If you don't like it, too bad. Go Bolts!!!

Psych!

Ha! I can't believe you fell for it! If you went with my picks last week you undoubtedly lost your house. And it serves you right; Gambling is a sin. Okay, I'll throw you a bone. Go sell a pint of blood and put your money on these picks. For real. Honest.

Tampa @ Atlanta
People are claiming Atlanta is the class of this division since the Saints are acting like they lost the Superbowl last year, but you gotta like how spunky these Bucs are. Or you can do as I do and not give a fuck. Michael Turner, please save my fantasy football season this week and prove to everybody I wasn't crazy to take you with the 4th overall pick again this year.
Bucs 17, Falcons 28

Miami @ Baltimore
I think I picked Miami to lose last week here, but I took them to win in my money pool. It did me no good in either case. I think Baltimore is one of three teams that I actually feel comfortable picking week to week, so I'm going to go with that.
Fins 20, Ravens 24

Chicago @ Buffalo
Buffalo has played good teams into OT the last two weeks, so I have no doubt they will get blown out by the awful Bears this week. And then the media will fall in love with Jay Cutler again for a week. That guy fucking blows goats.
Bears 34, Bills 21

New Orleans @ Carolina
You know who gets no respect? Old Orleans. Carolina sucks.
Saints 42, Panthers 13

New England @ Cleveland
You know who gets no respect? Cleveland. You thought I was going to say Old England, didn't you? But that would have been a lie, because Old E gets mad respect, yo. I don't no how good New E is, but I think Cleveland has burned their one major upset for the year. Peyton Hillis is good, but the Pats have like 6 crazy white guys on their team.
Pats 28, Browns 24

NY Jets @Detroit
I decided to start not hating the Jets last week and they just couldn't live with that. So now they can go fuck themselves again.
Jets 27, Lions 24

San Diego @ Houston
On the road. On TV. That is a bad combination for this year's Blue and Gold. Matt Schaub has taken something of a beating in the court of public opinion this year, so I expect him to light up our bullshit ranked defense this week. Rivers will have another amazing stat line after this one, but the rest of the team will probably have an amazing boneheaded fuck-up line this week. Sorry, faithful.
Bolts 30, Texans 35

Arizona @ Minnesota
If the Vikes can't get it together against the Cards somebody needs to load Chilly into a rocket and fire him into the sun.
Cards 16, Vikings 31

NY VaGiants @ Seattle
Ugh, I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating; Seattle is the worst! Oakland murdered them last week. Look, I fully expected Oakland to be better this year, but God if Denver and Seattle didn't make them look like the '94 Niners. Fucking Seattle. The VaGiants may be for real again. There's the jinx.
VaGiants 45, Seahawks 9

Kansas City @ Oakland
This is somehow the match-up of the week. Look, I am not surprised to see these teams putting in the effort this year, but these two fan bases are really trying to make me get over my Norv hatred and pull full force for my Bolts again. Seriously, you've sucked out loud for years, let's not slip back into cocky again so quickly.
Chiefs 20, Raiders 28

Indy @ Philly
You two teams wish you were the Chiefs and the Raiders. Poseurs. There is no way this game is televised locally. God, NFL programming sucks shit through a straw. Vick is back and he's barking mad. Get it? Barking? Never. Gets. Old. Peyton Manning to...me? Why not? I'm sure he'd make me a star, that magic quarterbacking man!
Colts 30, Iggles 28

Dallas @ Green Bay
Green Bay. God, how you annoy me. Honestly, I don't even know why, but if Dallas somehow manages to beat them after this pick I will be positive the feeling is mutual. Get packed, you fucking Packers.
Cowboys 28, Packers 34

Pitt @ Cincy
Let the plummet continue. People keep calling Cincy a big surprise disappointment and it makes me think no one was paying attention to the end of their season last year. That this team hasn't invested in a QB of the future yet tells me that they are drinking their own Kool-aid. Hope you enjoyed your season last year, because the Bengals will be sucking now and for the foreseeable future.
Steelers 30, Bengals 10

There, that should get all you losers back on your feet. Happy footballing!!!

Quick Thought on Sunday's Game

At some point I may get into analyzing the Bolts' upcoming games in a little more detail, but right now I want to make one quick observation about the match-up with the terribly named Houston Texans.

Everybody is pretty enamored with the Chargers and especially the offensive passing game. It has been widely noted that Rivers is on pace to topple Dan Marino's single season yardage record. Rivers was also just voted AFC player of the month for October. Conversely, the Houston Texans are not only the worst passing defense in the league so far this season, they are apparently the 5th worst passing defense in the history of the NFL through this portion of the season. Because of these noted realities, everybody in the sporting world rightly has Phillip Rivers and the San Diego passing attack penciled in for something along the lines of 500 yards and 5 TDs on Sunday. Anything less would be an utter disappointment.

Here's where I burst your bubble, Chargers fans. I know Norv Turner now. I understand how his mind works and it's terrifying. You see, Norv Turner is a proud member of the "They'll never see this coming" school of football coaching. Mark my words, this will be the week that Norv stubbornly tries to force the running game to kick into high gear. Rivers will end up getting a ton of yards and some TDs, but most of it will come in the 4th quarter as the Chargers desperately take to the air to overcome the horrible playcalling and awful special teams play that will have put them at a 14 to 20 point deficit. Will they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat or will they fall predictably short yet again? Tune in for my picks tomorrow to find out what I think will happen if you can't already figure it out on your own.

So What Happens

The Titans game was a win, make no mistake about it. We'll touch on that in a moment but the real story is Merriman is a a Bill. A Buffalo Bill. The way I see it, A.J. is a communist that deploys his former troops to Siberia. Good luck Shawne, I'm sure you'll enjoy your six weeks in Buffalo with a sore ankle that forces you to cheer more than you play prior to signing your multimillion deal with the Jets or Broncos. We will miss you.

For those of you who guiltlessly pirated the game last week we were the first to enjoy a home victory on television although it was the mexican feed. And well, there's a lesson t be learned from the mexican feed because every commercial features hot 'newscasters' in bikinis. Yeah, that's a bad business model.

Bottom line was we were lucky to win that game. Yeah, yeah, pessimist me. Kenny Britt dropped a sure fire touchdown and that offense abused us with the pass when they wanted to. Someone was kind enough to point out to me that we k.o.ed Vince Young from the game so now I suppose we'll take credit for self inflicted injuries.

Bottom line, that game was a win, which at that point was nice, but a blocked punt and poor pass defense were the cogs that put us behind the firing squad that thankfully Antonio Gates is immune to. The man is bulletproof. Many, many plays were given up in the secondary. Coaching will dictate whether or not we're prepared for the Schaub show. Let's hope so because the division is won or lost this week. The weinie division that is...

Go Bolting.

Wednesday Nights are the Worst

I'm actually watching basketball. Early season basketball. On purpose!

Alright, a couple of things happened today. First, the Chargers obviously did not put a waiver claim on Randy Moss, because he is now a Titan. Of course, we all knew AJ wouldn't do it, but man I was looking forward to whatever that would have done to the Bolts. How often do you get a chance to experience' awesome if it works/awesome if it fails?' We'll never know, but the truth is, AJ was probably right on this one. Randy Moss obviously had zero respect for Chilly, and Chilly is Norvelle's NFC mirror image. Except-dear God-Chilly actually commands more power than Norv. Oh man, it would have been murder. I hate that I'm not going to get to see that. Moss will probably thrive under a coach like Jeff Fisher. It's a good thing this debacle didn't go down last week or Moss would have been our problem. That it happened this week only proves that God is paying me back for calling my fantasy team a juggernaut in week 4.

Secondly, Shawne Merriman was picked up off waivers by Buffalo, which was the very first team that had a shot at him. As I'm sure I've mentioned here before, I have some sort of weird, unnatural affection for those Bills. I think it stems from the four straight years I spent rooting for the Bills to end the NFC's dominance in the Superbowl. Four years is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Maybe I will always love them even if it didn't work out. Or maybe I like Buffalo because the rest of New York couldn't give a shit about them, and it seems to make sense that I should feel the opposite. Anyway, this is probably not so great for Merriman. It's weird that an 0-7 team is combing the waiver wire, but I guess it's just too hard to pass on a guy like that. Sure, the media thinks Merriman is washed up-it's hard to blame them because the numbers support that theory-but every Coach and GM in the league is looking at Merrimanimal and then they're looking at LaDainian. And then they're looking at Antonio Cromartie. And to some extent they're looking at Drew Brees and Michael Turner and they're asking themselves if the Chargers are any judge of talent or how to utilize players to maximize their strengths. I have no doubt we will see the resurgence of Shawne Merriman. Buffalo might not be the ideal stage, however.

Oh, Dear Lord

Check out this from Kevin Acee. A little quick with the "I told you so" there, aren't we AJ? My God, how long has he been waiting to dictate that article to his secretary at the UT? And that last part?

“Over the years our players are growing and believing in (Turner),” Smith said. “Letting go of the rope is never an option around here. Those who stop believing in him or us, we will quickly help them find a new organization for them to embrace and believe in.”

Oh AJ, can you help find another organization for me to embrace and believe in? You know, at least until you and your "outstanding head coach" are long gone. You make it impossible for me to like my team anymore, and I used to love this team! Please, somebody Kurt Russell this Billy Bob Thornton Tombstone style. I can't take much more of this.

Randy Moss Waived

So after three games in Minnesota and one press conference where Moss basically fellated the entire Patriots organization the Vikings have essentially fired him to death. Of course, in doing so they have at the very least thrown away a 3rd round draft pick and may also end up on the hook for the remaining $3.8 million of Moss' contract if no other team claims him. A couple of questions:

Will Favre be far behind?

This is either one more huge testament to Childress' complete break down as a leader and the Vikings organizational idiocy or it is time to slash dollars and rebuild. I have no idea if the Vikings can save themselves any money by cutting Favre and moving on, but at this point nothing would surprise me.

Will the Chargers take a shot?

On the surface, it seems unlikely, but it makes some sense. Moss is a drama queen and not the sort of player that seems to fit AJ's mold. Basically, he talks to the media and that's bad. But the Bolts have been decimated at receiver throughout the season and Moss would no doubt make an impact here. AJ could always excuse himself from breaking character by pointing out what a smart Greg Myersish move it would be to pick up Moss if only to keep him out of the hands of our divisional rivals, with the added bonus that Moss won't cost us eleventy billion dollars to retain. Also, Moss would instantly translate into ticket sales.

Personally, I would love to see Moss come to San Diego. Either he bumps up production and helps us get our competetive footing back or he absolutely explodes the clubhouse and turns up the heat on Turner and AJ to nuclear levels. Who wouldn't want either of those things. Let's do this, Gunslinger. Oh wait, I mean don't even think about it, AJ! Reverse psychology does not ever not fail sometimes.

Mea Culpa

The season's not quite over it seems. Of course, the Chiefs and Raiders also won, so we've gained no actual ground, but at least we actually won a game against a worthy opponent. We appear to have the Titans number. Unfortunately, I have very little idea how we won, since the game was once again blacked out and I'm no fan of computer viruses. In fact, every Chargers victory thus far has been blacked out. The average fan has not seen a win this year. Unbelievable. I've heard of bad home teams. I've heard of bad road teams. I've never heard of a bad TV team.

How did we pull this one off? Well, I've heard that Norvelle gave a fiery halftime speech that rallied the troups to victory. The media would have you believe it went something like this.



Yeah, sure. I think it probably went a little bit more like this.



But hey, they won, and the local media is desperate to give some credit to Norv and appease their fearless six-gun toting leader, AJ. The truth is, the Bolts still have firepower. They can score a dangerous amount of points when the offense is clicking. They will always be a threat to win in a shootout. But they are not consistent in that regard and are deficient in every other phase of the game (Seriously, another blocked punt?), so I'll enjoy the win, but I'm still not convinced. The power of negative thinking!