Having thoroughly annihilated the bye week competition and covering the immense 24 point spread against that team of nobody’s this week, we can now move our focus on to the next in the line of must win games beginning with the Buffalo Bills. On Sunday, the bastard sons of New York managed to stifle the offensive prowess of Trent Green and the Chiefers albeit down one Priest, and I don’t mean the molesting kind. One should not doubt the impact that the aforementioned clergyman has on that team’s offense. And as good as Larry Johnson is, he is not the Priest, as he racked up the yards yet never found the end zone. But, now is not the time to speak of the Chiefers handicaps, or yet to debate the shortcomings of J.P. ‘Loss Man’ (Second place in the Fraternity President’s name contest) and the gang. I want to use this space to talk about an article written late last week by one of San Diego’s most respected sports columnists, one Nick Canepa.
Now, I am not usually critical of Nick and his opinion of our football team. This is a guy that has been writing about sports since the times that I was still trying to figure out how not to soil my own shorts daily. His knowledge of our sports teams is held in my circle in a pretty high regard which is fairly difficult to do, because I am harshly critical of just about everything. But Nick wrote something that was rather uncharacteristic last Thursday and I thought that since I have a forum here that is free of editors and censors, I would respond to the pile of horse puckey that I firmly believe the Chargers asked Nick to produce, in order to diffuse the public outcry that has begun to swing popular opinion from Marty’s side (Side Note: I haven’t been this upset with coaching or heard this much from the public since the Gilbride Era.) Strangely missing from his piece last week was his fair criticism of our team that usually accompanies his columns allowing us to feel as if we had a bit of inside information with regards to this team. What I saw was not a Nick Canepa piece, but hard core fluff about Marty and his ‘coaching style word that isn’t being mentioned here anymore’. Here are some excerpts in order, starting with the title... (parentheticals contain my thoughts and reactions, simple minded as they may be.)
‘Don’t Call this Martyball, It’s Fun to Watch...’ (This is a direct quote, in fact as mentioned, it’s the title. I didn’t use ‘that’ word, and as I said before, I won’t. When I read this, I knew something was fishy. I have felt like I was about to cough up my heart in every single loss this year, and now some of the wins. Fun to watch? Pretty sure ‘fun’ isn’t the word I would use.)
‘This is not Martyball. Martyball is running it, hanging on to it, winning field position with special teams, creating turnovers and being smart. Against the Jets on Sunday, the Chargers had 12 penalties for 124 yards, two turnovers and sold far too much real estate on kickoff returns.’ (Yes, penalties were a problem early in the game. Yes, the kickoff coverage was abominable. But, “IT” is running it, predictably, in situations where everyone on the field, the stands, and the television audience across the country knows you will be running the ball out of the same formation you always use to run the ball when you are trying to chew up clock instead of utilizing your weapons. Like the two drives that we ran late in the fourth quarter that led to a fumble and a punt. Oh, and the third down running play from the two yard line to the fullback instead of the league’s best player wearing number 21, who had four touchdowns on the day. Did I mention that? And isn’t ‘running it, hanging on to it, winning field position... exactly what we tried to do? Someone let me know if I am wrong here.)
Was it Martyball when, on third-and-long, late in the game in New York, with a lead, quarterback Drew Brees went back to pass, was sacked and fumbled the ball away? (Nick is right here. The third and long play wasn’t “IT”. But, “IT” was the two plays before the fumble, both of which were running plays out of very similar formations that netted minus four yards, putting us into a third and fourteen that led us to inexplicably try to throw the ball to convert, against an obvious blitz situation.)
"If we did that last year in the playoff game with the Jets, we would have lost the opportunity to win the game when we were in field goal position, and we did have an opportunity to win the game," he says. (Are we suffering memory loss here? Or is this just denial? Isn't this exactly what we did? Do we forget the three running plays that netted possibly two yards out of the same formation giving our rookie kicker all the disadvantages in the world on a wet field in overtime? I guess there is no debate on what the impact of a play action pass may have had there when the Jets had 22 people in the box waiting for the inevitable running play. Certainly no presence of “IT” there.)
There also were complaints that the coach should have gone for the touchdown instead of the field goal Sunday when the ball was on the Jets' half-yard line. But, with the Chargers up 28-20, the kick was the right play there. (Uhhhh? Doesn’t that look rather ridiculous in print? No? Read the part about the half yard line again. Yeah, I thought so. Wait, it gets better)
"You've got to make it a two-possession game," he says. "If we go for the touchdown and don't make it, on that final drive all the Jets had to do was make a field goal to win." (That is of course predicated on them traveling 99 2/3 yards on the hypothetical ensuing drive to tie the game with a touchdown and a two point conversion, IF, we didn’t make it from six inches away, thoroughly breaking their spirits and their will to live. I will not change my mind on this no matter who is trying to save that decision as a good one. This smells awfully ‘Spanosish” does it not???)
All things considered, Schottenheimer may be doing a better job coaching this team than he did last year. The end result may not be as positive. This is a brutal road the team is taking. (Can anyone tell me if the Spanos’ have mafia ties? Cause this sounds like someone talking with an ice pick pressed firmly into the back of their brain stem. This statement is just absolutely ridiculous. Tough schedule, yes. “Brutal road”? We have blown fourth quarter leads in every single loss. I wouldn’t be so upset if we had possibly, and this is just an idea, extended some of those leads like we did last year. If I disappear tonight and no one hears from me, I have either gone off to Mexico, or I am wearing concrete shoes in the bay. I am just sayin...)
"It's just that the expectations for us last year were nothing. They're far higher this year." (Yes, yes they are. So, because expectations are higher, it’s okay to use that as an excuse for your mistakes? I am not sure I understand what this sentence is trying to say. Is this how I am to understand this, “Uh, we are supposed to be better this year than we were last year. People are expecting us to be better. But we aren’t when it matters. But that’s okay, no one is accountable, because last year we were better than we were supposed to be.” Give me a break.)
These were just some examples of the poor attempt to protect Mr. Schottenheimer from what I feel is fair criticism of his performance to date. I am not in the ‘Let’s run out and fire the man, hang him from the goalposts and beat him like a three legged piñata!” group yet. But, there should definitely be some accountability for not finishing the games we have lost, and now, not finishing the games that we have won. I believe that there are some legitimate concerns here that should not go ignored. Although the local paper would like for you to do just that. I wonder if the Spanos’ have any ownership stake in the U.T.???
Here you can read the full text of the article http://www.signonsandiego.com/sports/canepa/20051110-9999-1s10canepa.html Feel free to form your own opinion in case I am jumping the gun and not representing the facts accurately. I hope that Mr. Canepa is able to regain his objectivity soon.
Monday, November 14, 2005
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Predictably Predictable...
Entering the bye week break now has my brain unmercifully recounting the season to this point. What things do I like? What things do I like not? What are we good at? What are we bad at? I keep coming up with these thoughts and there is no shelter from the one common theme, and what I am deeming detrimental to the team and my psyche. This is the thing that continues to be as disturbing as Phil Mickelson’s man boobs, frightening sight to say the least, yet no one can rip their stare away. My main concern, and that of many others as well that has been the signature of the team all of the season long? The coaching of course. And why is this important? Well, I wish to say that it is time for everyone to stop complaining about the coaching staff. Why, you say? Well, we in fact deserve this hot and cold, feast or famine, heartbreakingly terrible season of fourth quarter meltdowns...
“Martyball”, has for the better part of two seasons become a curse word in my circle. There are some that will proclaim that they are apologists for this travesty that has plagued numerous NFL cities since the 80’s. Even my cohort here will say as recently as two days ago that he is/was a member of this community. And there is nothing wrong with this. Marty Schottenheimer has been successful as a football coach. Obviously what he does works to a certain degree. He takes talented programs to the playoffs where he ultimately and now famously underachieves. His ultra-uber-sickeningly conservative style has fostered a popular opinion that he holds his teams and their collective success in his hands and squeezes the risk out of them at the expense of any potential reward. His ‘don’t beat yourself’ style ultimately results in beating yourself (not in the good way) and there are any number of examples of this that can be used as evidence of this from any of our losses this season, last season’s playoff game, the season before that, his days in Kansas City stretching all the way back to Cleveland Version 1.0. ‘Martyball’ has become not just a description of his style of coaching, but a punch line in the NFL. Even 97 year old Dick Enberg on Sunday as the predictable appearance of the cursed word reared its ugly head yet again, bellowed out a laughingly hearty “MAAAARRRTTTYYYBBAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL” during the fourth quarter. It was at that moment that I realized that we deserve this cardiac brand of football. Everything that takes place on that field should be expected. The ungodly predictability of the fourth quarter schemes when leading, almost leads me to believe that teams are smart enough to know to fall behind for three quarters so that they can turn to their game plan that is the calculated answer to “Martyball”. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time (a little like that, but in the context of a football game). In Cleveland, in Kansas City, and now here. It’s ‘Groundhog Day’ for our football team.
We are a young, aggressive football team. I would hesitate to say that we are the most powerful, most polished, most like ‘Peyton and the Dreamweavers’ darlings of the NFL. We’re not. We are a very powerful offensive team. We play our best football being aggressive on that side of the ball. We can score with anyone in this league. There are moments out on that field where I am convinced that there is no team in the NFL that can stop us from scoring every time we have the ball. Up until that point when the scoreboard reads four under the category marked quarter that aggression and dominance is reeled in like a marlin in Cabo by those who wear the electric earmuffs. Their late game plan is no secret. It shouldn’t be to anyone here on planet earth. My question is why is anyone still surprised when the inevitability of “Martyball” shows up? What, you didn’t know it was coming? You didn’t think it would happen again? You were secretly hoping and praying and making deals with God that you would never litter his precious earth again with anything not fantastically biodegradable if Marty would just put that thing away? Not ever going to happen kids, so we might as well just deal with it. Complaining about “Martyball” (Let it be known that this will be forever the last time you see this word put in print by me) is like getting all upset that you didn’t get taller or heavier in the shorts when the sun came up. After all, this is not a new phenomenon, I am pretty sure that if Mr. Schottenheimer hasn’t changed his style by now, well, I think you know how this plays out. So, enough complaining, it’s time for all of that to end. We know it’s going to happen again. We know when it’s going to happen. We know how it is going to happen. All that we can do is hope that it is not yet another critical situation when “it” happens again. And there is no room for surprise, shock or complaints when our coach coaches the way that he always has. It will be the same, until someone somewhere decides that it's time to move out of the Schottenheimer era. Until then we can all collectively shut the hell up...
“Martyball”, has for the better part of two seasons become a curse word in my circle. There are some that will proclaim that they are apologists for this travesty that has plagued numerous NFL cities since the 80’s. Even my cohort here will say as recently as two days ago that he is/was a member of this community. And there is nothing wrong with this. Marty Schottenheimer has been successful as a football coach. Obviously what he does works to a certain degree. He takes talented programs to the playoffs where he ultimately and now famously underachieves. His ultra-uber-sickeningly conservative style has fostered a popular opinion that he holds his teams and their collective success in his hands and squeezes the risk out of them at the expense of any potential reward. His ‘don’t beat yourself’ style ultimately results in beating yourself (not in the good way) and there are any number of examples of this that can be used as evidence of this from any of our losses this season, last season’s playoff game, the season before that, his days in Kansas City stretching all the way back to Cleveland Version 1.0. ‘Martyball’ has become not just a description of his style of coaching, but a punch line in the NFL. Even 97 year old Dick Enberg on Sunday as the predictable appearance of the cursed word reared its ugly head yet again, bellowed out a laughingly hearty “MAAAARRRTTTYYYBBAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL” during the fourth quarter. It was at that moment that I realized that we deserve this cardiac brand of football. Everything that takes place on that field should be expected. The ungodly predictability of the fourth quarter schemes when leading, almost leads me to believe that teams are smart enough to know to fall behind for three quarters so that they can turn to their game plan that is the calculated answer to “Martyball”. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time (a little like that, but in the context of a football game). In Cleveland, in Kansas City, and now here. It’s ‘Groundhog Day’ for our football team.
We are a young, aggressive football team. I would hesitate to say that we are the most powerful, most polished, most like ‘Peyton and the Dreamweavers’ darlings of the NFL. We’re not. We are a very powerful offensive team. We play our best football being aggressive on that side of the ball. We can score with anyone in this league. There are moments out on that field where I am convinced that there is no team in the NFL that can stop us from scoring every time we have the ball. Up until that point when the scoreboard reads four under the category marked quarter that aggression and dominance is reeled in like a marlin in Cabo by those who wear the electric earmuffs. Their late game plan is no secret. It shouldn’t be to anyone here on planet earth. My question is why is anyone still surprised when the inevitability of “Martyball” shows up? What, you didn’t know it was coming? You didn’t think it would happen again? You were secretly hoping and praying and making deals with God that you would never litter his precious earth again with anything not fantastically biodegradable if Marty would just put that thing away? Not ever going to happen kids, so we might as well just deal with it. Complaining about “Martyball” (Let it be known that this will be forever the last time you see this word put in print by me) is like getting all upset that you didn’t get taller or heavier in the shorts when the sun came up. After all, this is not a new phenomenon, I am pretty sure that if Mr. Schottenheimer hasn’t changed his style by now, well, I think you know how this plays out. So, enough complaining, it’s time for all of that to end. We know it’s going to happen again. We know when it’s going to happen. We know how it is going to happen. All that we can do is hope that it is not yet another critical situation when “it” happens again. And there is no room for surprise, shock or complaints when our coach coaches the way that he always has. It will be the same, until someone somewhere decides that it's time to move out of the Schottenheimer era. Until then we can all collectively shut the hell up...
Monday, November 07, 2005
Moving on soon...
Five and four. Five and four. I keep telling myself that we did in fact win on Sunday and that we are five and four. There is a lot of residual disappointment involved with this win. In fact, I don’t really feel like we won. I know we did, I know the record reflects that we did, but this has been one of the most hollow, unsatisfying wins that I can remember. In fact, at one point late in the third quarter, I started to get that feeling, the one that has been a constant in the new Charger era. The one that feels like you have a gut full of bad three a.m. Tijuana hot dogs, too much tequila, no sleep, cold sweats, and a heart rate like a drum roll.
Second guessing makes some of us feel better. Not me. Criticizing the powers that be for some of the questionable strategies that were employed in the fourth quarter in every one of the three horribly bad losses that have sullied our record to date help some folk. Not me. The decision to hand the ball to the most valuable fullback on third and goal from the two, while the ‘you’ll get no argument from me’ (four touchdowns on the day) best running back sits idly by as said fullback is stopped dead short. Fine criticize away. Doesn’t help me. Calling timeout to gather ourselves and set up the fourth and goal from one foot away handoff to the guy wearing #21 for the put them away score, his fifth of the day, only to then decide against all common sense to just kick the field goal. Not helping me. Instead of the jugular we opted for sensitivity. Instead of sealing the game and breaking a team late in the fourth quarter, we opted not to. Instead of showing the world that our team is the best and cannot be beaten, we opted to throw the noose around our own collective neck and hang our offense. Instead of sending a message of confidence to the defense that we trust you to defend 99 2/3 yards late in the fourth quarter, they took three and expected us to understand. So to review, we need one foot, we have the best running back in the world (four touchdowns on the day), we call timeout to set up the play to end the game, and then we come out of the timeout with the field goal unit, effectively icing our kicker. Again.
After the predictable run, run, pass three and out, and then the run, run, oh God they’re doing it again pass on third and long allowing the defense to put everyone in green, two goats and a guy with a concussion on a blitz fumble, I swore I was never watching football again if we lost this game. All of this leading to the defense getting more airtime than a Paris Hilton ‘intimate’ video. To say we are predictable in the fourth quarter when we have the lead is the understatement of the year. So as my heart is exploding and the defense is lining up for lung transplants I am forced to endure Dierdorf pointing out the obvious furthering my frustration and blood pressure by saying that ‘Marvin Lewis is a football coach.’ My team is going out on the field and telling the other team what they are doing, the defense is gassed, and Dierdorf is giving me that quality color from the announcer’s deck. Needless to say the mute button was assaulted. I didn’t need to hear any ‘analysis’ as Quentin Jammer was able to salvage what could have been the most devastating loss that I have ever been involved in.
So we did win. Sure doesn’t feel like it and I don’t think that it will. I am choosing to forget this game ever took place and hopefully by the end of the bye week, I will be able to. But, as far as I am concerned there is nobody to blame for all of the aforementioned atrocities. Nope. This is our soiled bed, and as long as it is being run by these people wearing the headphones with the lightning on them, this is the shit we will be sleeping in. We deserve this. You don’t think so?? I will explain why tomorrow.
Second guessing makes some of us feel better. Not me. Criticizing the powers that be for some of the questionable strategies that were employed in the fourth quarter in every one of the three horribly bad losses that have sullied our record to date help some folk. Not me. The decision to hand the ball to the most valuable fullback on third and goal from the two, while the ‘you’ll get no argument from me’ (four touchdowns on the day) best running back sits idly by as said fullback is stopped dead short. Fine criticize away. Doesn’t help me. Calling timeout to gather ourselves and set up the fourth and goal from one foot away handoff to the guy wearing #21 for the put them away score, his fifth of the day, only to then decide against all common sense to just kick the field goal. Not helping me. Instead of the jugular we opted for sensitivity. Instead of sealing the game and breaking a team late in the fourth quarter, we opted not to. Instead of showing the world that our team is the best and cannot be beaten, we opted to throw the noose around our own collective neck and hang our offense. Instead of sending a message of confidence to the defense that we trust you to defend 99 2/3 yards late in the fourth quarter, they took three and expected us to understand. So to review, we need one foot, we have the best running back in the world (four touchdowns on the day), we call timeout to set up the play to end the game, and then we come out of the timeout with the field goal unit, effectively icing our kicker. Again.
After the predictable run, run, pass three and out, and then the run, run, oh God they’re doing it again pass on third and long allowing the defense to put everyone in green, two goats and a guy with a concussion on a blitz fumble, I swore I was never watching football again if we lost this game. All of this leading to the defense getting more airtime than a Paris Hilton ‘intimate’ video. To say we are predictable in the fourth quarter when we have the lead is the understatement of the year. So as my heart is exploding and the defense is lining up for lung transplants I am forced to endure Dierdorf pointing out the obvious furthering my frustration and blood pressure by saying that ‘Marvin Lewis is a football coach.’ My team is going out on the field and telling the other team what they are doing, the defense is gassed, and Dierdorf is giving me that quality color from the announcer’s deck. Needless to say the mute button was assaulted. I didn’t need to hear any ‘analysis’ as Quentin Jammer was able to salvage what could have been the most devastating loss that I have ever been involved in.
So we did win. Sure doesn’t feel like it and I don’t think that it will. I am choosing to forget this game ever took place and hopefully by the end of the bye week, I will be able to. But, as far as I am concerned there is nobody to blame for all of the aforementioned atrocities. Nope. This is our soiled bed, and as long as it is being run by these people wearing the headphones with the lightning on them, this is the shit we will be sleeping in. We deserve this. You don’t think so?? I will explain why tomorrow.
I Can't Feel A Thing.
I'm still processing that one, but I feel like I have to post something. So, I guess we'll start with the good. We finally won one of these games our coaches keep trying to give away. That's good. I mean, it's a freaking W, and we're above .500 for the first time this season and going into a much needed bye week. LaDainian Tomlinson went back to setting personal records and Antonio Gates continues to prove he probably did deserve the money he was asking for before the season started. Vincent Jackson made his first catch in the NFL, for 18 yards, and Quentin Jammer remembered to sort of look back at the ball and preserved the victory. All good things, no doubt.
Then there was the bad. I hope you've got a minute. Now, I tend to be a bit of a Marty Schottenheimer apologist. I have felt that, in the past, he has often been criticized for making "wrong" choices in "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. But seriously folks, if your defense suddenly takes three steps back and starts making Brooks Bollinger look like a phenom, you sure as hell better find a way to twist the knife with an offense rife with Pro Bowlers. And I have to question a management staff that gives away a talented young O-lineman like Toniu Fonoti for a sack of peanuts, and then turns around and starts letting guys run amock through the line, causing blocked field goals and nearly devastating fumbles with an alarming frequency. I definitely felt that old choking sensation this week, and I did not like it. Not one bit.
Ultimately, we look to be in a good position, with a couple of weeks to bring back a pretty large group of banged up players. We have four winnable looking games on the horizon, and we are poised to make a run at the playoffs. Things could certainly be a lot worse. But until this defense proves it can play two entire halves of football, the offense can not afford to stop. There just aren't enough points in the world to guarantee a victory.
I guess a win is a win, even if it feels like a loss. I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow. For now, go Bolts!
Then there was the bad. I hope you've got a minute. Now, I tend to be a bit of a Marty Schottenheimer apologist. I have felt that, in the past, he has often been criticized for making "wrong" choices in "damned if you do and damned if you don't" situations. But seriously folks, if your defense suddenly takes three steps back and starts making Brooks Bollinger look like a phenom, you sure as hell better find a way to twist the knife with an offense rife with Pro Bowlers. And I have to question a management staff that gives away a talented young O-lineman like Toniu Fonoti for a sack of peanuts, and then turns around and starts letting guys run amock through the line, causing blocked field goals and nearly devastating fumbles with an alarming frequency. I definitely felt that old choking sensation this week, and I did not like it. Not one bit.
Ultimately, we look to be in a good position, with a couple of weeks to bring back a pretty large group of banged up players. We have four winnable looking games on the horizon, and we are poised to make a run at the playoffs. Things could certainly be a lot worse. But until this defense proves it can play two entire halves of football, the offense can not afford to stop. There just aren't enough points in the world to guarantee a victory.
I guess a win is a win, even if it feels like a loss. I'm sure I'll have more to say tomorrow. For now, go Bolts!
Friday, November 04, 2005
Gather 'round, Kids. Let Me Tell You a Story
Watch it! Taking shots at me for crimes I haven’t even committed yet? Truth is, I’m sitting in the middle of the pack in both my faeries & unicorns leagues. I need to string together a couple of good weeks before I dazzle everyone with my fake football prowess.
Let’s talk about something important. The game this Sunday in York del Nuevo. Now, bear with me here, cause I’m gonna go all Stephen King and take off on a serious tangent before wrapping this up into a tight little bow of pertinence at the end. It will totally be worth it. I think.
About a million years ago, as a young man of about 20, I was involved in a sordid, Melrose Placeian type of “love” triangle. Now, many who know me might be surprised to find that I was a much more impressive all around person back in the day, and being such, I ended up with the girl in this particular situation. In fact, we ended up in a rather long and, for the most part, deeply committed relationship. Unfortunately, the other gentleman, not knowing that he was ultimately the winner in this situation for dodging that particular bullet, decided that fair retribution would be to throw me down a flight of concrete stairs. When I say throw here, I don’t mean push. I mean he winged me down those stairs like so much paper airplane. A truly humbling experience for me. In retrospect, and even at the time, I realized that my level of participation in the acquisition of the aforementioned lass, and my very literal interpretation of the old axiom “All’s fair in love and war,” more than warranted my assailant’s course of action. I straight up deserved it. What bothered me was that he had brought an accomplice and they were both armed with skateboards, ready to reduce me like a vegetable like state for a very large portion of my future life. Luckily, due to an as yet unmentioned fourth, fifth or whatever party, yours truly escaped not much worse for wear outside of a broken middle finger and a not so fresh feeling. Not long afterwards, I begin to hear that this guy hit the skids pretty hard. Cracked out on amphetamines and all that jazz. I don’t know if this is a result of what happened, but I’m more inclined to believe that since he wasn’t exactly Mensa material, he was headed in that direction anyway. Jump to two months later, and I’m standing in line at the grocery store waiting to purchase a six pack of be- uh, soda. Who’s standing in line right in front of me? If you been paying attention, you’ve probably guessed it. That guy! And let me tell you, the stories were true. Homeboy had dropped 20 or 30 pounds. His eyes were sunk into his skull, and he was a shell of his former self. I start thinking, “Hey, this guy was ready to maim me or worse.” I’m telling you, it would have taken very little effort to exact a little revenge. Seriously, this guy who had chucked me like a rag doll only two months ago, looked me in the eye and turned away scared. I was pretty sure of myself. And then it hit me. This guy did throw me down a flight of stairs. I mean, there was a chance he could go all rabid dog on me and dole out some pain and humiliation right there in front of the Safeway. Ultimately, I decided to walk away, telling myself that I was taking pity on this poor soul. Yep, I’m just like Ghandi that way.
Here’s the deal. The Chargers don’t have the option of walking away from a confrontation with their own dying animal this Sunday. Everyone says the Jets are just a shell of a team. Everyone says their 90 year old QB is a joke. I urge all of you to remember that this lame dog of a team has been throwing us down the stairs for a couple of years now. Hell, last January they dropped us down a frigging elevator shaft. I seem to remember a lot of people, myself included, being pretty confident going into that one. And don’t give me any garbage about those three rushes up the middle and that long field goal miss. We wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to try that if not for a roughing the passer penalty (my least favorite penalty, by the way) on the last play of regulation.
The Jets still have a lot of Pro Bowl type players on that defense, and how many times over the past several years has our pass defense been pure medicine to ailing QBs? This team is not going to just lay down and take it. I mean, we’re still gonna kill ‘em, but…uh…you know.
Just for the record, I heard that guy cleaned himself up and is actually doing all right these days. Isn’t that great? Go Bolts!!!
Let’s talk about something important. The game this Sunday in York del Nuevo. Now, bear with me here, cause I’m gonna go all Stephen King and take off on a serious tangent before wrapping this up into a tight little bow of pertinence at the end. It will totally be worth it. I think.
About a million years ago, as a young man of about 20, I was involved in a sordid, Melrose Placeian type of “love” triangle. Now, many who know me might be surprised to find that I was a much more impressive all around person back in the day, and being such, I ended up with the girl in this particular situation. In fact, we ended up in a rather long and, for the most part, deeply committed relationship. Unfortunately, the other gentleman, not knowing that he was ultimately the winner in this situation for dodging that particular bullet, decided that fair retribution would be to throw me down a flight of concrete stairs. When I say throw here, I don’t mean push. I mean he winged me down those stairs like so much paper airplane. A truly humbling experience for me. In retrospect, and even at the time, I realized that my level of participation in the acquisition of the aforementioned lass, and my very literal interpretation of the old axiom “All’s fair in love and war,” more than warranted my assailant’s course of action. I straight up deserved it. What bothered me was that he had brought an accomplice and they were both armed with skateboards, ready to reduce me like a vegetable like state for a very large portion of my future life. Luckily, due to an as yet unmentioned fourth, fifth or whatever party, yours truly escaped not much worse for wear outside of a broken middle finger and a not so fresh feeling. Not long afterwards, I begin to hear that this guy hit the skids pretty hard. Cracked out on amphetamines and all that jazz. I don’t know if this is a result of what happened, but I’m more inclined to believe that since he wasn’t exactly Mensa material, he was headed in that direction anyway. Jump to two months later, and I’m standing in line at the grocery store waiting to purchase a six pack of be- uh, soda. Who’s standing in line right in front of me? If you been paying attention, you’ve probably guessed it. That guy! And let me tell you, the stories were true. Homeboy had dropped 20 or 30 pounds. His eyes were sunk into his skull, and he was a shell of his former self. I start thinking, “Hey, this guy was ready to maim me or worse.” I’m telling you, it would have taken very little effort to exact a little revenge. Seriously, this guy who had chucked me like a rag doll only two months ago, looked me in the eye and turned away scared. I was pretty sure of myself. And then it hit me. This guy did throw me down a flight of stairs. I mean, there was a chance he could go all rabid dog on me and dole out some pain and humiliation right there in front of the Safeway. Ultimately, I decided to walk away, telling myself that I was taking pity on this poor soul. Yep, I’m just like Ghandi that way.
Here’s the deal. The Chargers don’t have the option of walking away from a confrontation with their own dying animal this Sunday. Everyone says the Jets are just a shell of a team. Everyone says their 90 year old QB is a joke. I urge all of you to remember that this lame dog of a team has been throwing us down the stairs for a couple of years now. Hell, last January they dropped us down a frigging elevator shaft. I seem to remember a lot of people, myself included, being pretty confident going into that one. And don’t give me any garbage about those three rushes up the middle and that long field goal miss. We wouldn’t have even had the opportunity to try that if not for a roughing the passer penalty (my least favorite penalty, by the way) on the last play of regulation.
The Jets still have a lot of Pro Bowl type players on that defense, and how many times over the past several years has our pass defense been pure medicine to ailing QBs? This team is not going to just lay down and take it. I mean, we’re still gonna kill ‘em, but…uh…you know.
Just for the record, I heard that guy cleaned himself up and is actually doing all right these days. Isn’t that great? Go Bolts!!!
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Two Halves Make a Whole...
The insanity that has been this season continues and yes, as stated previously, the pressure here mounts. Perhaps someone may actually read this drivel and more importantly form an opinion of the content over here. That being the case there is the distinct possibility that there may be someone other than my dad who struggles with the difficult decision of whether or not to waste another minute and forty eight seconds of their work day because the two idiots over here may or may not have any idea of what they are talking about. Well, I am here to yes. To all of it.
And yes, I had nearly forgotten that when left unattended for more than 24 hours this place turns into a poor hurricane like victim at the mercy of my cohort here who must indulge the fantasy urges to stoke the fires of the oh so cool version of dungeons and dragons for adults; the miraculous fantasyland football life. Fantastic. Oh, wait, you were talking about a suicide pool. My bad, I thought I was going to have to hear another tale of some poor fantasy sap that was about to go all swan dive Acapulco style off the Bridge to Coronado screaming, “Daunte Culpepper ruined my life” right up until the moment of impact. Nice work wisely choosing the Bolts for the suicide...sorry, I mean survival (I am assuming this to be the p.c. term now, ya know, that whole sensitivity thing) pool. Congrats, you’re alive for another week, which is more than Terri Schivo could say.
I like first half predictions. I do. Now, I hope all of that comes true. But what is the real point of this game this weekend? Really, I know its must win and all that, playoffs, yeah, they’re important. I like the playoffs. I want to see what they look like again, but this is about more than just the playoffs. This is about revenge. Revenge I say. I am not the biggest Jet fan around. Less the football team than the band. Nope, I want to extract me some revenge plain and simple. Not only did the Green Gang knock my hopes and dreams out of the playoffs last year, they ruined what would have been the best birthday present ever (Oh, for the love of the white pants in Cabo) and I want me some God damned revenge.
I want to see their 51 year old one legged couch surfing quarterback that's more inept than a short bus full of kids in helmets trying to put out a forest fire by drooling on it, wearing Bolts jerseys with our guys in them all day, and not those damned powder blue ones. We lose every time we wear those damned cool things. I want that guy to be on his way to Sharp Memorial by the time the barbeque gets warm. I want to send Herm Edwards home crying in Pennington’s one armed embrace. I want them dead. Whoa, wait, no, I don’t want them dead, really. But if their plane had a malfunction on the way home, like the air jets stopped working and it got really hot in there and the oxygen masks kept dropping and sirens kept wailing, and everyone got scared in their shorts, that’d be pretty cool. Oh, and so would beating the hell out of them. I truly wanted to get another shot at that team that ruined my birthday last January. Sadly, we don’t get the chance, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take it out on the old lady that’s sleeping in her messy diaper in the third row version of them. That’s all I am saying...
Thanks again to the Deadspin.com guys for thinking that we don’t suck. Hopefully we don’t suck so much that they will come back and visit again.
And yes, I had nearly forgotten that when left unattended for more than 24 hours this place turns into a poor hurricane like victim at the mercy of my cohort here who must indulge the fantasy urges to stoke the fires of the oh so cool version of dungeons and dragons for adults; the miraculous fantasyland football life. Fantastic. Oh, wait, you were talking about a suicide pool. My bad, I thought I was going to have to hear another tale of some poor fantasy sap that was about to go all swan dive Acapulco style off the Bridge to Coronado screaming, “Daunte Culpepper ruined my life” right up until the moment of impact. Nice work wisely choosing the Bolts for the suicide...sorry, I mean survival (I am assuming this to be the p.c. term now, ya know, that whole sensitivity thing) pool. Congrats, you’re alive for another week, which is more than Terri Schivo could say.
I like first half predictions. I do. Now, I hope all of that comes true. But what is the real point of this game this weekend? Really, I know its must win and all that, playoffs, yeah, they’re important. I like the playoffs. I want to see what they look like again, but this is about more than just the playoffs. This is about revenge. Revenge I say. I am not the biggest Jet fan around. Less the football team than the band. Nope, I want to extract me some revenge plain and simple. Not only did the Green Gang knock my hopes and dreams out of the playoffs last year, they ruined what would have been the best birthday present ever (Oh, for the love of the white pants in Cabo) and I want me some God damned revenge.
I want to see their 51 year old one legged couch surfing quarterback that's more inept than a short bus full of kids in helmets trying to put out a forest fire by drooling on it, wearing Bolts jerseys with our guys in them all day, and not those damned powder blue ones. We lose every time we wear those damned cool things. I want that guy to be on his way to Sharp Memorial by the time the barbeque gets warm. I want to send Herm Edwards home crying in Pennington’s one armed embrace. I want them dead. Whoa, wait, no, I don’t want them dead, really. But if their plane had a malfunction on the way home, like the air jets stopped working and it got really hot in there and the oxygen masks kept dropping and sirens kept wailing, and everyone got scared in their shorts, that’d be pretty cool. Oh, and so would beating the hell out of them. I truly wanted to get another shot at that team that ruined my birthday last January. Sadly, we don’t get the chance, but that doesn’t mean we can’t take it out on the old lady that’s sleeping in her messy diaper in the third row version of them. That’s all I am saying...
Thanks again to the Deadspin.com guys for thinking that we don’t suck. Hopefully we don’t suck so much that they will come back and visit again.
Half-assed? Yeah, This is Pretty Half-assed.
Content. I forgot I was going to have to come up with content on a regular basis. And now that the good folks over at www.deadspin.com were kind enough to shine a little spotlight on our hard work over here, the pressure to be fresh and informative on a regular basis is damn near overwhelming.
I was thinking maybe I would give some insight into my feelings about some of the issues our Bolts have faced prior to and up until this point in the season. Unfortunately, with the dark shadow of a bye week lurking in the not too distant future, I’ve got to save something for the drought.
An obvious topic today would be to analyze this weekend’s game against whomever it is we’re playing (I’m sure it isn’t anybody we’ve ever played against or lost to before), but I prefer to leave in depth analysis and prediction for Fridays. Besides, I enjoy dropping the fat rebuttal on my esteemed cohort during such pieces.
So what am I left with? I could feature the amazing story of how I crushed my survival football pool by taking the Chargers over KC last week, when all of my would-be competitors put their money on “sure thing” picks Tampa Bay and Jacksonville. Come on, people, don’t actually tell me you believed in those two. Puh-lease.
Or I could go to crusty old generic rehash arguments like, “When will the Chargers do the right thing and switch over to those uber stylish Powder Blue digs they look so fine in?” or “Could Marty Schottenheimer be more conservative? Sheesh!” I may have to visit that second one down the road a bit, but not right now. No, none of those will do for now.
So what? Wait, I got it. Pre-analysis analysis! And the stats at half-time follow thusly:
Drew Brees 12-17, 131 yards 1 TD 1 INT . Nice pick, Jets. Too bad you could only get a field goal out of it.
“The Be All, End All of RBs” 11 carries for 35 yards, 3 catches for 30. Ouch. They’re loading the box on you for the third week in a row. But you pound one in there, cause you’re the best. And don’t worry about the yards per carry thing. I got a feeling the second half tells a different story.
Michael “The Burner” Turner 4 carries for 20 yards. Nothing flashy, but you got some tough yards there. You gotta love how they drop back when the other guy takes a break.
Antonio Gates 4 catches for 47 yards 1 TD. You’re making it look too easy. I don’t mind.
Keenan McCardell 4 Catches for 40 yards. You’re unsung, my friend, but I know. Don’t worry, I know.
Nate Kaeding 1FG, 2 EXP I know you’re going to petition Schottenheimer to let you try a field goal on every possession, no matter what down or where you are on the field, but you have got to settle down. Extra points are better than field goals anyway.
So that’s essentially the first half for the offense, and it would be downright ugly if the Jets didn’t still have a pretty capable D. As for our D, I assume every one of those guys should have a sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery, or interception by the end of the first half.
First half score: Chargers 17, Jets 3. Yep, that sounds pretty good for one half. You should see the second half, though. That’s gonna be sweet! Go bolts!
I was thinking maybe I would give some insight into my feelings about some of the issues our Bolts have faced prior to and up until this point in the season. Unfortunately, with the dark shadow of a bye week lurking in the not too distant future, I’ve got to save something for the drought.
An obvious topic today would be to analyze this weekend’s game against whomever it is we’re playing (I’m sure it isn’t anybody we’ve ever played against or lost to before), but I prefer to leave in depth analysis and prediction for Fridays. Besides, I enjoy dropping the fat rebuttal on my esteemed cohort during such pieces.
So what am I left with? I could feature the amazing story of how I crushed my survival football pool by taking the Chargers over KC last week, when all of my would-be competitors put their money on “sure thing” picks Tampa Bay and Jacksonville. Come on, people, don’t actually tell me you believed in those two. Puh-lease.
Or I could go to crusty old generic rehash arguments like, “When will the Chargers do the right thing and switch over to those uber stylish Powder Blue digs they look so fine in?” or “Could Marty Schottenheimer be more conservative? Sheesh!” I may have to visit that second one down the road a bit, but not right now. No, none of those will do for now.
So what? Wait, I got it. Pre-analysis analysis! And the stats at half-time follow thusly:
Drew Brees 12-17, 131 yards 1 TD 1 INT . Nice pick, Jets. Too bad you could only get a field goal out of it.
“The Be All, End All of RBs” 11 carries for 35 yards, 3 catches for 30. Ouch. They’re loading the box on you for the third week in a row. But you pound one in there, cause you’re the best. And don’t worry about the yards per carry thing. I got a feeling the second half tells a different story.
Michael “The Burner” Turner 4 carries for 20 yards. Nothing flashy, but you got some tough yards there. You gotta love how they drop back when the other guy takes a break.
Antonio Gates 4 catches for 47 yards 1 TD. You’re making it look too easy. I don’t mind.
Keenan McCardell 4 Catches for 40 yards. You’re unsung, my friend, but I know. Don’t worry, I know.
Nate Kaeding 1FG, 2 EXP I know you’re going to petition Schottenheimer to let you try a field goal on every possession, no matter what down or where you are on the field, but you have got to settle down. Extra points are better than field goals anyway.
So that’s essentially the first half for the offense, and it would be downright ugly if the Jets didn’t still have a pretty capable D. As for our D, I assume every one of those guys should have a sack, forced fumble, fumble recovery, or interception by the end of the first half.
First half score: Chargers 17, Jets 3. Yep, that sounds pretty good for one half. You should see the second half, though. That’s gonna be sweet! Go bolts!
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
To Randall Godfrey
So very sorry to hear about your loss. I think I speak for Charger fans everywhere when I say let's hope they catch the bastard and that justice is swiftly served. Stay strong. Go Randall!!!
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/football/nfl/11/02/bc.fbn.chargers.godfrey.sister.ap/index.html
http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2005/football/nfl/11/02/bc.fbn.chargers.godfrey.sister.ap/index.html
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
Hybernation is Tricky Business
Hey guys, what’s up? Why didn’t anybody wake me up and tell me football season had started? I was pretty wiped out from the National League West Division Championship celebrations and I ended up sleeping through eight entire weeks of football. Bummer. I hope nothing good happened. Fortunately, I had some nerdy kid take notes for me. Unfortunately, a lot of said notes go off on tangents involving words like “trajectory” and “velocity,” so I may have to get a little creative in filling in the gaps.
For fun, let’s get a quick recap going on the first eight games of the year. By the time I’m finished with this I should have a firm grasp on how I feel about this budding Chargers Dynasty.
Week 1: Chargers 24, Cowboys 28 At first glance I was sure this was a typo, but sure enough, the Mighty Bolts dropped their home opener to the upstart Cowboys. Then I saw that the incomparable Antonio Gates was not in the game, and everything made a bit more sense. That must be some injury that keeps a guy like Gates on the sideline. I sure hope he’s okay. And I hope this one doesn’t come back to haunt us.
Week 2: Chargers 17, Denver 20 Hey, we won half a game in Mile-high. That’s not so bad. Even better, turns out Gates is going to be okay. It says here in my notes that he even signed a long term contract for some pretty serious cash. Good for you, Antonio, and good for San Diego. I’m glad those negotiations went smoothly. A lot of players have tried to take advantage of the Spanos’ family legendary generosity and A.J. Smith's easygoing style over the years.
Week 3: Chargers 45, Giants 23 That’s more like it guys! Eli came to town and saw what could have been. Poindexter watched an episode of Firefly on DVD during the middle part of this game and forgot to take notes, but from what I can tell, it never even got close.
Week 4: Chargers 41, Patriots 17 I wish there was some way I could make your computer bust out with some crazy explosion sound effects as you read the score for this game. We destroyed the unstoppable New England juggernaut in high fashion. Hell, I doubt the Patriots have lost a game since this one. This train is rolling again and “The Mighty Ambassador of Running Back Superiority" has just dominated the opposition two weeks in a row. Did anyone ever doubt it? I’ve got to get Poindexter to work on those explosions.
Week 5: Chargers 22, Steelers 24 Lame.
Week 6: Chargers 27, Raiders 14 Unnh! Can you feel that?! Can you feel that Raider Nation?! Even when the Raiders are pathetic (And I’m sure they still haven’t won a game this season) I never getting tired of watching them lose. And when the Charger machine delivers the pounding right smack dab in the middle of the sad joke that is the Raider faithful, all the better. Welcome to the rivalry Randy Moss!
Week 7: Chargers 17, Eagles 20 Huh? Can someone explain this to me? A blocked field goal? I guess that makes us karmically even in the eyes of the universal powers that be for that Dante Hall fumble last season. But that is it, powers that be! Do not try to come collecting again, cause we are even Steven right now. As for you Reche Caldwell, I give you a pass on that one, but that’s it for you as well.
Week 8: Chargers 28, Chiefs 20 I saw this one people. I saw it, and I liked it. Antonio Gates in a monster and I’m seriously considering petitioning the NFL to let us send one of his 3 touchdowns back to week one where it belongs. I also want to say I’ve heard a lot of talk about how we almost did the old fourth quarter choke in this game, and I have to disagree. We were not choking that game away. I know, cause when that happens, I feel as though I am choking. I never felt any kind of choking sensation, therefore that game was never in doubt. And if anybody says it was, please remember to leave your front door unlocked tonight, cause I’ll be swinging by pretty late with my shovel.
So there you have it people. The Colossus is all caught up, ready to enjoy the rest of the season and grant you all the invaluable information on the upcoming footballing contests for our beloved San Diego Chargers that he knows. Stay tuned and you’ll here insider information like, “The Jets suck,” and, “Oh! The Dolphins totally suck!” The other so-called experts don’t commit like that, people. Not now, not ever! I’m back, and I’ll never leave you again, baby! Never! Now get me a beer. Go Bolts!!!
For fun, let’s get a quick recap going on the first eight games of the year. By the time I’m finished with this I should have a firm grasp on how I feel about this budding Chargers Dynasty.
Week 1: Chargers 24, Cowboys 28 At first glance I was sure this was a typo, but sure enough, the Mighty Bolts dropped their home opener to the upstart Cowboys. Then I saw that the incomparable Antonio Gates was not in the game, and everything made a bit more sense. That must be some injury that keeps a guy like Gates on the sideline. I sure hope he’s okay. And I hope this one doesn’t come back to haunt us.
Week 2: Chargers 17, Denver 20 Hey, we won half a game in Mile-high. That’s not so bad. Even better, turns out Gates is going to be okay. It says here in my notes that he even signed a long term contract for some pretty serious cash. Good for you, Antonio, and good for San Diego. I’m glad those negotiations went smoothly. A lot of players have tried to take advantage of the Spanos’ family legendary generosity and A.J. Smith's easygoing style over the years.
Week 3: Chargers 45, Giants 23 That’s more like it guys! Eli came to town and saw what could have been. Poindexter watched an episode of Firefly on DVD during the middle part of this game and forgot to take notes, but from what I can tell, it never even got close.
Week 4: Chargers 41, Patriots 17 I wish there was some way I could make your computer bust out with some crazy explosion sound effects as you read the score for this game. We destroyed the unstoppable New England juggernaut in high fashion. Hell, I doubt the Patriots have lost a game since this one. This train is rolling again and “The Mighty Ambassador of Running Back Superiority" has just dominated the opposition two weeks in a row. Did anyone ever doubt it? I’ve got to get Poindexter to work on those explosions.
Week 5: Chargers 22, Steelers 24 Lame.
Week 6: Chargers 27, Raiders 14 Unnh! Can you feel that?! Can you feel that Raider Nation?! Even when the Raiders are pathetic (And I’m sure they still haven’t won a game this season) I never getting tired of watching them lose. And when the Charger machine delivers the pounding right smack dab in the middle of the sad joke that is the Raider faithful, all the better. Welcome to the rivalry Randy Moss!
Week 7: Chargers 17, Eagles 20 Huh? Can someone explain this to me? A blocked field goal? I guess that makes us karmically even in the eyes of the universal powers that be for that Dante Hall fumble last season. But that is it, powers that be! Do not try to come collecting again, cause we are even Steven right now. As for you Reche Caldwell, I give you a pass on that one, but that’s it for you as well.
Week 8: Chargers 28, Chiefs 20 I saw this one people. I saw it, and I liked it. Antonio Gates in a monster and I’m seriously considering petitioning the NFL to let us send one of his 3 touchdowns back to week one where it belongs. I also want to say I’ve heard a lot of talk about how we almost did the old fourth quarter choke in this game, and I have to disagree. We were not choking that game away. I know, cause when that happens, I feel as though I am choking. I never felt any kind of choking sensation, therefore that game was never in doubt. And if anybody says it was, please remember to leave your front door unlocked tonight, cause I’ll be swinging by pretty late with my shovel.
So there you have it people. The Colossus is all caught up, ready to enjoy the rest of the season and grant you all the invaluable information on the upcoming footballing contests for our beloved San Diego Chargers that he knows. Stay tuned and you’ll here insider information like, “The Jets suck,” and, “Oh! The Dolphins totally suck!” The other so-called experts don’t commit like that, people. Not now, not ever! I’m back, and I’ll never leave you again, baby! Never! Now get me a beer. Go Bolts!!!
Monday, October 31, 2005
Part II Starts Now...
A few things happened today that I found interesting to note as our season has advanced to the half way point. A couple of things stood out to me as I finished watching the systematic destruction of the Chiefs and the subsequent failure to lose the entirety of our fourth quarter lead once again. Needless to say that the hear rate did climb into the lower three digit levels as the absorption of the padded point total reared its ugly head again. But, there were some positive signs during the second half of this game despite the 306 total yards we allowed T-Green and the Chefs to put up onto the home field scoreboard. Although it was nerve racking, it was not as dire as it may have seemed at the time.
I was very pleased with the flexibility of the offense. After Philadelphia put a little bit of an ass kicking onto our offensive line the week before, it appeared that the Chiefs were out to follow a similar game plan to attack up front and prevent Tomlinson from destroying them single handedly. They did achieve some level of success here, but it was less their ability to shut down the run, and more our defiance to just throw the darned thing to back them off a bit that dictated the first half of the game. I was slightly disturbed/ caught off guard to see that Brees was airing it out for most of the first quarter; twelve passes attempted in that quarter alone. I wanted to see the running game get going, just for the sake of my own psyche, personally determined that we could and would run the ball against everyone after last weeks performance on the ground. But, those involved with the decision making power obviously had no regard for my personal well being and just threw (literally) caution to the wind via the football. Gates got off to a great start, and managed to parlay that into a career game, 140+ yards receiving and three touchdowns. Far be it for me to second guess something, but, how can you not make some kind of adjustment here at some point? Don’t the Chiefs have a rather successful version of our guy on their side? Are they unaware of the effect a Pro-Bowl tight end can have on a game? Safe to say I was rather surprised to keep seeing number 85 catching the football with no one in red trying to stop him. I guess he really is that good.
Tomlinson is going to have to start to wonder if he is ever going to get free again. Sixty nine yards for him this Sunday, an obvious improvement over the combined performances of himself and the offensive line after last weeks total of seven. Their defense and our stubborn desire to heave the pig through the air led to this weeks rushing total. But fear not, if he can’t get it going on the ground, well, we will just let him throw it, again, and he will throw it and throw it well. He almost looked bored as he connected for his third touchdown pass of the year. Three more than our “Mr. Backup Superstar Trade Bait Quarterback”. Once again, it is going to be very difficult to generate the sympathy machine for me when speaking of the Quarterback who held out of his opportunity to be a starter in his rookie year. I wonder if he regrets his decision at all at this moment in time. If this was one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure Books” you read as a kid, do you think he is frantically flipping the pages back to the part where he makes his big decision, and upon finding out that he choose poorly, fell into a pit full of poisonous talking snakes that sang Spice Girls tunes to him before biting him in the eyes and killing his chances here. Do you think that he wants this to end a little differently? Yeah, I would too.
Lastly and sadly, Reche up and fumbled the ball again this week. As if it wasn’t a critical play when he coughed it up last week, he went ahead and did it again. Needless to say, he found a nice empty spot on the bench for the entirety of the game yesterday afternoon. Hang on to the pig kid. You gotta hang on.
Denver is still out in front. I hate having to say that. That really hurts to say, and to put down here in print so I can see it over and over. Jets first as the second half starts, and all sights need to be focused here. Denver will have to take care of itself for now…
I was very pleased with the flexibility of the offense. After Philadelphia put a little bit of an ass kicking onto our offensive line the week before, it appeared that the Chiefs were out to follow a similar game plan to attack up front and prevent Tomlinson from destroying them single handedly. They did achieve some level of success here, but it was less their ability to shut down the run, and more our defiance to just throw the darned thing to back them off a bit that dictated the first half of the game. I was slightly disturbed/ caught off guard to see that Brees was airing it out for most of the first quarter; twelve passes attempted in that quarter alone. I wanted to see the running game get going, just for the sake of my own psyche, personally determined that we could and would run the ball against everyone after last weeks performance on the ground. But, those involved with the decision making power obviously had no regard for my personal well being and just threw (literally) caution to the wind via the football. Gates got off to a great start, and managed to parlay that into a career game, 140+ yards receiving and three touchdowns. Far be it for me to second guess something, but, how can you not make some kind of adjustment here at some point? Don’t the Chiefs have a rather successful version of our guy on their side? Are they unaware of the effect a Pro-Bowl tight end can have on a game? Safe to say I was rather surprised to keep seeing number 85 catching the football with no one in red trying to stop him. I guess he really is that good.
Tomlinson is going to have to start to wonder if he is ever going to get free again. Sixty nine yards for him this Sunday, an obvious improvement over the combined performances of himself and the offensive line after last weeks total of seven. Their defense and our stubborn desire to heave the pig through the air led to this weeks rushing total. But fear not, if he can’t get it going on the ground, well, we will just let him throw it, again, and he will throw it and throw it well. He almost looked bored as he connected for his third touchdown pass of the year. Three more than our “Mr. Backup Superstar Trade Bait Quarterback”. Once again, it is going to be very difficult to generate the sympathy machine for me when speaking of the Quarterback who held out of his opportunity to be a starter in his rookie year. I wonder if he regrets his decision at all at this moment in time. If this was one of those “Choose Your Own Adventure Books” you read as a kid, do you think he is frantically flipping the pages back to the part where he makes his big decision, and upon finding out that he choose poorly, fell into a pit full of poisonous talking snakes that sang Spice Girls tunes to him before biting him in the eyes and killing his chances here. Do you think that he wants this to end a little differently? Yeah, I would too.
Lastly and sadly, Reche up and fumbled the ball again this week. As if it wasn’t a critical play when he coughed it up last week, he went ahead and did it again. Needless to say, he found a nice empty spot on the bench for the entirety of the game yesterday afternoon. Hang on to the pig kid. You gotta hang on.
Denver is still out in front. I hate having to say that. That really hurts to say, and to put down here in print so I can see it over and over. Jets first as the second half starts, and all sights need to be focused here. Denver will have to take care of itself for now…
Thursday, October 27, 2005
All Right God Doesn't Hate Us...
Halloween week and all is scary on the Western Front of the AFC. Winnable games are being dropped like razor stuffed candy apples into the pillowcases of the unsuspecting. Injuries are mounting more frequently than a couple of Molson stuffed Canadians during a cold winter spell. And now the Chefs are coming to town with a pair of ball carriers (running backs too) and a passing game that can rival any we have seen to date in ’05. Why I am getting that feeling in the pit of my stomach, that empty one you get after spending a half hour picking a splinter the size of a two by four out of your palm with a thumbtack. Yeah, that one.
The one saving grace that I can find in all of this is that Gunther Cunningham or whoever is running the ‘D’ show in Kansas City, still can’t manage to get his arms all the way around the obesity that is their attempt to keep us from scoring. Bad are the Chiefs yet again on the defensive side of the ball. Once again they find themselves amongst the bottom of the league in all of the major statistical defensive categories. Even with all of the new additions, these guys couldn’t keep a nun from scoring (although that Jared Allen guy seems pretty good). I mean that. And unfortunately to date, we have been the only ones that can stop us, and we have gotten pretty darned good at keeping us from moving the chains and finding the end zone, especially in the critical situation or two.
A few things to take note of here:
-Their receivers are sub-par, Sammy Parker, Eddie Kennison, Marc Boerigter (Didn’t he pitch for the Padres). Not elite guys here, A PROFESSIONAL SECONDARY WOULD STOP THESE GUYS!!! (Hey it worked last week.)
-Tony Gonzalez is having a very small year. Maybe he should try out for the WNBA. I’ll bet that lesbian angle would work for him.
-Their two headed monster of a running game. Not sure what I think of this yet as we are still pretty good against the run. But every linebacker on our team is a little more than banged up. Donnie Edwards looked like an autopsy patient on Monday when I saw him he was so bandaged up.
-Roman Oben signed an extension on Monday. His agent obviously asked management not to review Sunday’s game film before the contract was signed. The Astros took fewer swings that missed than poor Roman did on Sunday.
-Lorenzo ‘don’t take me in your stupid fantasy draft’ Neal got an extension today too. 2:1 says he knocks somebody down on Sunday. Any takers? He was quoted as saying the he was to Tomlinson as an “onion is to a hamburger, just adding flavor”. Nice.
My Pick:
We win big on Sunday ask Jason Whitlock, he’ll tell you.
The one saving grace that I can find in all of this is that Gunther Cunningham or whoever is running the ‘D’ show in Kansas City, still can’t manage to get his arms all the way around the obesity that is their attempt to keep us from scoring. Bad are the Chiefs yet again on the defensive side of the ball. Once again they find themselves amongst the bottom of the league in all of the major statistical defensive categories. Even with all of the new additions, these guys couldn’t keep a nun from scoring (although that Jared Allen guy seems pretty good). I mean that. And unfortunately to date, we have been the only ones that can stop us, and we have gotten pretty darned good at keeping us from moving the chains and finding the end zone, especially in the critical situation or two.
A few things to take note of here:
-Their receivers are sub-par, Sammy Parker, Eddie Kennison, Marc Boerigter (Didn’t he pitch for the Padres). Not elite guys here, A PROFESSIONAL SECONDARY WOULD STOP THESE GUYS!!! (Hey it worked last week.)
-Tony Gonzalez is having a very small year. Maybe he should try out for the WNBA. I’ll bet that lesbian angle would work for him.
-Their two headed monster of a running game. Not sure what I think of this yet as we are still pretty good against the run. But every linebacker on our team is a little more than banged up. Donnie Edwards looked like an autopsy patient on Monday when I saw him he was so bandaged up.
-Roman Oben signed an extension on Monday. His agent obviously asked management not to review Sunday’s game film before the contract was signed. The Astros took fewer swings that missed than poor Roman did on Sunday.
-Lorenzo ‘don’t take me in your stupid fantasy draft’ Neal got an extension today too. 2:1 says he knocks somebody down on Sunday. Any takers? He was quoted as saying the he was to Tomlinson as an “onion is to a hamburger, just adding flavor”. Nice.
My Pick:
We win big on Sunday ask Jason Whitlock, he’ll tell you.
Tuesday, October 25, 2005
God Hates Us...
During the week one debut of what is now the 2005 National Football League season, a friend of mine that I regularly football talk with asked me what I thought of this years Chargers team via one of the newest most popular forms of non verbal communication, the email. I wish that I had that email still saved to this day, had I the ability to reincarnate that communication from the archives, you would see that my frustrations (read: worst fears) to this point have been realized.
My biggest concerns for the 2005 season, were a) the secondary (most obvious, but since everybody knows it now and won’t shut up about it, I will take the lead and close my yap first) and b) the fact that we just might lose a whole bunch of close games. I thought to myself in looking over the ’05 squad that we never really ‘improved’ the team in any area. We just brought back a consistent group of guys who were able to get the job done last year. I thought (now it looks like I was correct) that we wouldn’t get blown out by anybody, despite the horror that is our schedule, but that we would give new meaning to the ‘Cardiac’ label that gets tossed around so easily. And we have.
(Side Note: I am officially getting off of the defense’s back. They played great. Failure to move the chains in critical times and questionable coaching decisions, and one HUGE holding penalty started this mess. The act of God merely finished it. So, listen up ‘D’, you are off the hook as far as I am concerned. The Iggles couldn’t do anything on offense. Absolutely nothing.)
How is a 3–4 team, us, a six point favorite against a 4-2 Chiefers team? Why is everyone with the exception of Sean Salisbury saying that we are the best 3-4 team that has ever played? Is it the 4 losses by a combined 12 points? Is it the fact that we held the lead or were tied in every one of those losses until late in the fourth quarter? Does losing a game by a last second field goal after having the lead for most of the entire game hurt less than getting destroyed by the same team? Does a miraculous blocked kick that gets returned for a touchdown that ultimately wins the game for those bastards from Philly mean that God hates us? Do any of these questions make you want to throw up in your Charger hat and then light it on fire?
(Side Note: Salisbury after the game was busy wearing out his knees servicing the McNabb’s and the Owens’ of Philly, by spouting off how Philly had dominated us all game. Yeah, to the tune of 14 run plays, three of which were kneel downs to kill the clock. Fifty plus passes, and nothing to show for it. Nothing short of an act of God miracle saved them. But I can see how the dominated us all game. Really I can…)
I can’t answer any of these questions. Call it bad luck, call it bad coaching, call it an inability to finish out these games we had the lead late in. The players haven’t been making plays, the coaches have been ultra conservative, and the dice have been rewarding the only guy on the “don’t pass” line at this season’s craps table for weeks now. No one is cheering, no one is celebrating, and no one is ordering shots and lining up limos to get the big winners to the adult entertainment bars in this our Vegas scenario. There is no Vegas scenario. Nope. If it was, we’d be the ultra drunk guy that keeps getting the pit boss all riled up when he swears at the dealer because she keeps dealing him garbage hands every time. We’d be the guy muscling his way to the front of the line of the only game he can win, high limit ATM. We’d be the guy calling his bank at a shade before midnight yelling at the customer service rep to release his funds for the next day a little early. This season has been standing on 20 with the dealer showing 16 and losing every hand. This season has been having your aces cracked by a guy playing a 5-2 offsuit cause his daughter was born on May 2. This season has been like a Halloween party full of guys dressed as chicks with a warm keg of PBR that has been sitting next to a broken Chevelle in the neighbor’s garage for three weeks. This is not our season.
That Philly game was something unlike anything I have seen in my years of watching San Diego sports. There have been times, like the 2-2 Mark Langston pitch to Tino Martinez in the ’98 World Series. The whole country saw strike three and we were out of the inning. Too bad that the ump saw it differently, or rather didn’t see it and one pitch and one grand slam later the Fucking Yankees as they are known around here flattened us. As that scene unfolded Sunday, I was without words. What the hell just happened? Did that just happen? Who does that happen to? What the hell just happened? I am still not convinced that happened. This felt like that Jets game that ruined my birthday last January.
Can this team rebound from that? I don’t know. Can we make a push and still contend for the division? I think so, but after that debacle on Sunday, I don’t know. And if I have any doubts, I think we would be asking a whole hell of a lot from the guys actually playing the game to put it out of their minds. I ran into Donnie Edwards on Monday, it looked like he had just finished practice, and he looked tired. I wanted to console him and say, “Tough Loss, man”, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be the one that brought that crap back to the front of the gray matter. Hopefully the guys can wash that residual shit off of them and get back out there on Sunday and make Vermiel cry. If they can’t, we can rinse ourselves off for the rest of the season.
More later…
My biggest concerns for the 2005 season, were a) the secondary (most obvious, but since everybody knows it now and won’t shut up about it, I will take the lead and close my yap first) and b) the fact that we just might lose a whole bunch of close games. I thought to myself in looking over the ’05 squad that we never really ‘improved’ the team in any area. We just brought back a consistent group of guys who were able to get the job done last year. I thought (now it looks like I was correct) that we wouldn’t get blown out by anybody, despite the horror that is our schedule, but that we would give new meaning to the ‘Cardiac’ label that gets tossed around so easily. And we have.
(Side Note: I am officially getting off of the defense’s back. They played great. Failure to move the chains in critical times and questionable coaching decisions, and one HUGE holding penalty started this mess. The act of God merely finished it. So, listen up ‘D’, you are off the hook as far as I am concerned. The Iggles couldn’t do anything on offense. Absolutely nothing.)
How is a 3–4 team, us, a six point favorite against a 4-2 Chiefers team? Why is everyone with the exception of Sean Salisbury saying that we are the best 3-4 team that has ever played? Is it the 4 losses by a combined 12 points? Is it the fact that we held the lead or were tied in every one of those losses until late in the fourth quarter? Does losing a game by a last second field goal after having the lead for most of the entire game hurt less than getting destroyed by the same team? Does a miraculous blocked kick that gets returned for a touchdown that ultimately wins the game for those bastards from Philly mean that God hates us? Do any of these questions make you want to throw up in your Charger hat and then light it on fire?
(Side Note: Salisbury after the game was busy wearing out his knees servicing the McNabb’s and the Owens’ of Philly, by spouting off how Philly had dominated us all game. Yeah, to the tune of 14 run plays, three of which were kneel downs to kill the clock. Fifty plus passes, and nothing to show for it. Nothing short of an act of God miracle saved them. But I can see how the dominated us all game. Really I can…)
I can’t answer any of these questions. Call it bad luck, call it bad coaching, call it an inability to finish out these games we had the lead late in. The players haven’t been making plays, the coaches have been ultra conservative, and the dice have been rewarding the only guy on the “don’t pass” line at this season’s craps table for weeks now. No one is cheering, no one is celebrating, and no one is ordering shots and lining up limos to get the big winners to the adult entertainment bars in this our Vegas scenario. There is no Vegas scenario. Nope. If it was, we’d be the ultra drunk guy that keeps getting the pit boss all riled up when he swears at the dealer because she keeps dealing him garbage hands every time. We’d be the guy muscling his way to the front of the line of the only game he can win, high limit ATM. We’d be the guy calling his bank at a shade before midnight yelling at the customer service rep to release his funds for the next day a little early. This season has been standing on 20 with the dealer showing 16 and losing every hand. This season has been having your aces cracked by a guy playing a 5-2 offsuit cause his daughter was born on May 2. This season has been like a Halloween party full of guys dressed as chicks with a warm keg of PBR that has been sitting next to a broken Chevelle in the neighbor’s garage for three weeks. This is not our season.
That Philly game was something unlike anything I have seen in my years of watching San Diego sports. There have been times, like the 2-2 Mark Langston pitch to Tino Martinez in the ’98 World Series. The whole country saw strike three and we were out of the inning. Too bad that the ump saw it differently, or rather didn’t see it and one pitch and one grand slam later the Fucking Yankees as they are known around here flattened us. As that scene unfolded Sunday, I was without words. What the hell just happened? Did that just happen? Who does that happen to? What the hell just happened? I am still not convinced that happened. This felt like that Jets game that ruined my birthday last January.
Can this team rebound from that? I don’t know. Can we make a push and still contend for the division? I think so, but after that debacle on Sunday, I don’t know. And if I have any doubts, I think we would be asking a whole hell of a lot from the guys actually playing the game to put it out of their minds. I ran into Donnie Edwards on Monday, it looked like he had just finished practice, and he looked tired. I wanted to console him and say, “Tough Loss, man”, but I couldn’t. I didn’t want to be the one that brought that crap back to the front of the gray matter. Hopefully the guys can wash that residual shit off of them and get back out there on Sunday and make Vermiel cry. If they can’t, we can rinse ourselves off for the rest of the season.
More later…
Friday, October 21, 2005
Quick Hits...
Just to clarify a bit about last night’s post. The point that I was trying to make in that dialogue was that these teams have very high expectations placed on them by the media based on their historic levels of performance. Which is entirely acceptable. I would be rather ignorant to suggest that if injuries had not derailed the Patriots, that they would still be playing up to their dynasty form. The problem begins when the media refuses to accept the fact that the situation has changed, that things are indeed a bit different, and that there may be a swing in the balance of power. Instead of just blindly following the flock, stand up for yourself and say, “The (Insert Superstar Media Team Name Here) just aren’t any good.”. That’s all I am asking for.
Acceptable team names for the parenthetical statement to include:
Pats
Colts
Eagles
Falcons
Broncos
Giants
And any others that I may or may not like further on down the road that is this season.
Well, it’s Friday and what better thing to do on a Friday than make an idiot of oneself by publishing the Picks ‘o the Week. Here they are in all of their golden glory...
kc +1.5 MIA- This game is going to turn out bad for me. The Vermiel doesn’t like me and I don’t like this game. My suggestion: take the opposite of who I like, which is the Chiefs. So of course Ricky and company will get rolling and win by 24.
Saints +5.5 STL- Jamie Martin v. Aaron Brooks. Is this even fair? I have to make a pick here? Heads I take the Rams, tails, the Saints. It’s tails, Saints and the points.
MIN NL gb- Is this the week that the Vikings get things all together as a team and have one big collective lap dance at the Packers expense? Ummm....No. The Vikings are terrible. I’ll take my chances against a Vikes rally.
indy -14.5 HOU- Two leading sackers and one interception leader on the same team playing against the Texans? This will get ugly. And Freeney was pretty much handled by Orlando Pace last week, he might be a bit upset.
Pit +3 CIN- I can’t buy into this Cincy thing. Not yet. But, if there is no Rowengartner playing quarterback, it could get interesting. I’m taking the road dog...
Sd +4 PHI- I think I made myself perfectly clear on this one already. Although I will go out on a limb and say that McNabb might be 33-65 with 455 yards and 3 touchdowns. It won’t be enough, but it will be impressive.
CLE -2.5 det- If two horses each had a broken leg, which one would you shoot? Yeah, me too.
WASH -12 sf- I think it’s safe to say that I don’t really believe in the Brunell led ‘Skins. And this feels like the most ludicrous pick of the weekend. When was the last time the Redskins beat somebody by 12? Oh well, what the hell.
SEA -3.5 dal- I heard somebody say Seattle has the number one offense in the league yesterday. There is really nothing constructive I can say to that.
Buf +3 OAK- When dealing with a bunch of quitting crybabies, take the underdog. I am standing by that last statement.
Balt +1 CHI- I am invoking the “Due” theory here. Although this might be a first score wins game. And yes I am picking an Anthony Wright led team to win outright. Of course watch Orton go for 5 touchdowns now. Or 5 picks.
Ten +3 ARI- This is a baffler. No idea. I am going to ask someone completely neutral where they would rather live and pick that team. Invoking a Karma Principal, the choice was made by weighing, “Unbearable Heat” v. “Unbearable People”. The decision, Tennessee, “because if I choose the unbearable people, then Karma may shift in my favor”. I don’t really understand the Karma Principal here but, I got a free pick out of it.
NYG -2 den- Really torn here by the intense dislike of both teams. A loss by Denver really helps our cause as well. Am I blinded by the division implications? No. I just think the Broncos suck. Ideally, Denver loses and Eli gets humiliated, that I can live with.
ATL -7 nyj- Too much working against the Jets right now. But, I will say that I believe that you may be seeing the beginning of the Phillip Rivers era in one of these two cities next year. I’m not saying which city. You’re on your own.
Oh, and Florida State’s De’Cody Fagg will be unable to suit up this week against the Duke Blue Devils due to a separated shoulder. I don’t even have a joke here.
Acceptable team names for the parenthetical statement to include:
Pats
Colts
Eagles
Falcons
Broncos
Giants
And any others that I may or may not like further on down the road that is this season.
Well, it’s Friday and what better thing to do on a Friday than make an idiot of oneself by publishing the Picks ‘o the Week. Here they are in all of their golden glory...
kc +1.5 MIA- This game is going to turn out bad for me. The Vermiel doesn’t like me and I don’t like this game. My suggestion: take the opposite of who I like, which is the Chiefs. So of course Ricky and company will get rolling and win by 24.
Saints +5.5 STL- Jamie Martin v. Aaron Brooks. Is this even fair? I have to make a pick here? Heads I take the Rams, tails, the Saints. It’s tails, Saints and the points.
MIN NL gb- Is this the week that the Vikings get things all together as a team and have one big collective lap dance at the Packers expense? Ummm....No. The Vikings are terrible. I’ll take my chances against a Vikes rally.
indy -14.5 HOU- Two leading sackers and one interception leader on the same team playing against the Texans? This will get ugly. And Freeney was pretty much handled by Orlando Pace last week, he might be a bit upset.
Pit +3 CIN- I can’t buy into this Cincy thing. Not yet. But, if there is no Rowengartner playing quarterback, it could get interesting. I’m taking the road dog...
Sd +4 PHI- I think I made myself perfectly clear on this one already. Although I will go out on a limb and say that McNabb might be 33-65 with 455 yards and 3 touchdowns. It won’t be enough, but it will be impressive.
CLE -2.5 det- If two horses each had a broken leg, which one would you shoot? Yeah, me too.
WASH -12 sf- I think it’s safe to say that I don’t really believe in the Brunell led ‘Skins. And this feels like the most ludicrous pick of the weekend. When was the last time the Redskins beat somebody by 12? Oh well, what the hell.
SEA -3.5 dal- I heard somebody say Seattle has the number one offense in the league yesterday. There is really nothing constructive I can say to that.
Buf +3 OAK- When dealing with a bunch of quitting crybabies, take the underdog. I am standing by that last statement.
Balt +1 CHI- I am invoking the “Due” theory here. Although this might be a first score wins game. And yes I am picking an Anthony Wright led team to win outright. Of course watch Orton go for 5 touchdowns now. Or 5 picks.
Ten +3 ARI- This is a baffler. No idea. I am going to ask someone completely neutral where they would rather live and pick that team. Invoking a Karma Principal, the choice was made by weighing, “Unbearable Heat” v. “Unbearable People”. The decision, Tennessee, “because if I choose the unbearable people, then Karma may shift in my favor”. I don’t really understand the Karma Principal here but, I got a free pick out of it.
NYG -2 den- Really torn here by the intense dislike of both teams. A loss by Denver really helps our cause as well. Am I blinded by the division implications? No. I just think the Broncos suck. Ideally, Denver loses and Eli gets humiliated, that I can live with.
ATL -7 nyj- Too much working against the Jets right now. But, I will say that I believe that you may be seeing the beginning of the Phillip Rivers era in one of these two cities next year. I’m not saying which city. You’re on your own.
Oh, and Florida State’s De’Cody Fagg will be unable to suit up this week against the Duke Blue Devils due to a separated shoulder. I don’t even have a joke here.
Thursday, October 20, 2005
My Bandwagon Hurts...
Putting behind us the high that was once again beating one of the most hated rivals in football, unfortunately we cannot bask in the glory of the victory any longer. Focus must shift to the daunting yet not insurmountable task of Big Game Sunday as it will be known until well, Sunday. Another NFC East match up against the 3 time defending NFC East Champs, the Iggles. How do we go about beating this force that has shown itself to be all powerful and mighty and superhuman, and invincible in the eyes of the all seeing, all knowing, all wrong media. Let’s get something straight and let’s do it right now, this team is not as good as the prognosticators would like you to think. An explanation? Oh, you think that I am just sitting here running my windbag again, not really knowing of what I speak? How ‘bout it... all right here goes...
These guys, the Iggles are all over the t.v. They do commercials for soup and video games, bottom line, you could say that they are one of the larger revenue producing teams in the league for both the NFL and it’s licensed material, as well as sponsors galore. Starting with “Soup Time with Donovan’s Mamma” and T.O. starring in NO B.O. commercials for Right Guard starring ex-Camp Kill Yourself stars that have graduated to doing bigger and better pooh-canos on the MTV. This team has is beyond blessed in the eyes of the media, to call them darlings would make the Patriots look like Dana Plato having a video threesome with Macaulay Culkin during his drug years, and Michael Jackson. This team is almost bulletproof. So unless the planets are aligned and there aren’t two earthquakes, a flu outbreak and a hurricane today alone, we can’t win.
Soup and sponsors don’t win games. Media types don’t like to be wrong when it comes to their little darlings. In fact they never really admit to being wrong, or take a risk and go out on a limb and stand on their own convictions. Nope. Just hang around the bandwagon, and blow a little more smoke up the skirts of the fans. Get it? No? We can use the Pats again, off to a tough start this year aren’t they? Defending World Champs you say? Three time dynasty type World Champs? Lost two coordinators during the offseason you say? They are the World Champs, they will persevere. Lost their number one linebacker to a stroke? No matter, they are the World Champs. Lost their best safety (ummm... by the way you all are still welcome for that Rodney guy) to a severe case of hamburger knee with extra cheese, no matter they are the World Champs. Lost their best D-Lineman to a sprained forehead and all of their corners to some other malady, so what? They are the World Champs. Not anymore they aren’t and you don’t win games with words and accolades, sometimes you actually need players. And there are still some in the ‘inner’ circles that think that the Colts are going to struggle with the Pats again this year.
(And let it be said that the Colts just might struggle with the Pats, but only because they are playing a junior varsity schedule and haven’t shown me much yet. How Bulger didn’t get injected with everything they had in the meds cabinet at halftime on Monday night is beyond me.)
(And let it also be said, that the biggest benefactor of the Bandwagon Love; the main engine that powers the big train, is the Colts and their 'Quarterback'. Not a big believer in them either. I'm just sayin' and all...I'll have a bit more to say about that later in the season.)
This is the roundabout way of saying that I think we are going to win this game this weekend. Convincingly.
The best argument that I have in support of my opinion here is that they are just not that good. I watch them, I see them play. I see the Iggle brand of football. Guess what? It’s not working against us. It’s not going to work. They have two guys that can beat us. Two. It’s going to be eleven on Two. They can’t win.
They can’t win because they have to throw the ball. A lot. They can’t run it. They sure as heck can’t run it against us. So they have to throw. A lot. And they will. A lot. It’s time for this secondary to show all of us why they are out there. They are going to be challenged and I expect them to handle it like professional football players and win. I can’t believe that I just typed that.
So everyone climb on to the Iggles this week, everybody, get on. We can’t beat the Iggles when we got to go to their building. We can’t beat the Iggles, they’re going to Super Bowl Extra Large this year. They make soup commercials for cryin’ out loud. They’re important. Yeah, well, here’s my middle finger, we’re going to crush them…
I hope.
These guys, the Iggles are all over the t.v. They do commercials for soup and video games, bottom line, you could say that they are one of the larger revenue producing teams in the league for both the NFL and it’s licensed material, as well as sponsors galore. Starting with “Soup Time with Donovan’s Mamma” and T.O. starring in NO B.O. commercials for Right Guard starring ex-Camp Kill Yourself stars that have graduated to doing bigger and better pooh-canos on the MTV. This team has is beyond blessed in the eyes of the media, to call them darlings would make the Patriots look like Dana Plato having a video threesome with Macaulay Culkin during his drug years, and Michael Jackson. This team is almost bulletproof. So unless the planets are aligned and there aren’t two earthquakes, a flu outbreak and a hurricane today alone, we can’t win.
Soup and sponsors don’t win games. Media types don’t like to be wrong when it comes to their little darlings. In fact they never really admit to being wrong, or take a risk and go out on a limb and stand on their own convictions. Nope. Just hang around the bandwagon, and blow a little more smoke up the skirts of the fans. Get it? No? We can use the Pats again, off to a tough start this year aren’t they? Defending World Champs you say? Three time dynasty type World Champs? Lost two coordinators during the offseason you say? They are the World Champs, they will persevere. Lost their number one linebacker to a stroke? No matter, they are the World Champs. Lost their best safety (ummm... by the way you all are still welcome for that Rodney guy) to a severe case of hamburger knee with extra cheese, no matter they are the World Champs. Lost their best D-Lineman to a sprained forehead and all of their corners to some other malady, so what? They are the World Champs. Not anymore they aren’t and you don’t win games with words and accolades, sometimes you actually need players. And there are still some in the ‘inner’ circles that think that the Colts are going to struggle with the Pats again this year.
(And let it be said that the Colts just might struggle with the Pats, but only because they are playing a junior varsity schedule and haven’t shown me much yet. How Bulger didn’t get injected with everything they had in the meds cabinet at halftime on Monday night is beyond me.)
(And let it also be said, that the biggest benefactor of the Bandwagon Love; the main engine that powers the big train, is the Colts and their 'Quarterback'. Not a big believer in them either. I'm just sayin' and all...I'll have a bit more to say about that later in the season.)
This is the roundabout way of saying that I think we are going to win this game this weekend. Convincingly.
The best argument that I have in support of my opinion here is that they are just not that good. I watch them, I see them play. I see the Iggle brand of football. Guess what? It’s not working against us. It’s not going to work. They have two guys that can beat us. Two. It’s going to be eleven on Two. They can’t win.
They can’t win because they have to throw the ball. A lot. They can’t run it. They sure as heck can’t run it against us. So they have to throw. A lot. And they will. A lot. It’s time for this secondary to show all of us why they are out there. They are going to be challenged and I expect them to handle it like professional football players and win. I can’t believe that I just typed that.
So everyone climb on to the Iggles this week, everybody, get on. We can’t beat the Iggles when we got to go to their building. We can’t beat the Iggles, they’re going to Super Bowl Extra Large this year. They make soup commercials for cryin’ out loud. They’re important. Yeah, well, here’s my middle finger, we’re going to crush them…
I hope.
Tuesday, October 18, 2005
The Aftermath...
Well it was the first of the season’s two bouts with all of the awful that is the Raiders. I cannot truly express my disdain for the Raiders, let’s just say that they are the Yankees of football. With the possible exception of the 49ers, there may not be a more hated team in this house. So, I thought that I would compile my thoughts as the game elapsed so that one could get a feel for what is going on in my head during a game with the aforementioned group of football players.
Sunday afternoon recap begins now…
1:15- Kickoff. I hope that the Raiders get hurt. All of them…
1:17- Hey, it’s our first penalty. Good start boys.
1:18- Tomlinson gets his first carry of the day. Gets no where. But at least he is getting the ball early. Good sign, now if somebody can tell the offensive line to block, we’re in good shape.
1:24- Eric Parker just got absolutely blasted. That looked like fun.
1:25- Still going to Tomlinson. Not doing much yet, but he looks fast.
1:31- Well, I have officially again determined with a lot of painstaking effort that the Raiders really suck. They are just terrible. Are they too dumb to realize that they need to cover Tomlinson? EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY knows that. Did I say that everybody knows that? Seven nothing good guys…
1:37- Somehow, our secondary picked off a Kerry Collins duck. Bwhao (sic) got a pick. Now people are going to think that our secondary is just awesome. That’s right, you can’t throw it against us!! (did that come off as believable at all?)
1:39- Well, I’m convinced that Ladainian is the best in the league. Give him the ball on every play. Every one. I mean it. Well, except for those times he is tired, cause the backup is the second best in the league and I’ll stand by that. Turner the Burner. He’s a favorite.
(side note: I am not at all in support of calling the Best “LT”. Not in favor of a nickname that is associated with hookers and crack. And, I am not swaying at all, yet, but, man there are a lot of letters in Ladainian Tomlinson, spell check always yells at me that it’s not spelled right, and it’s a lot of freakin’ letters. If I cave and start calling him that, somebody remind me of this with a punch in the nuts.)
1:41- Penalty #2. Holding on Gates. First profanity of the day. It was the big one. The one that begins with the letter between E and G. And now they are calling timeout. Somehow manage to avoid profanity # 2, only because I need to hit the john and it gave me the commercial break to do that. It also gave me the opportunity to think about McCardell dropping touchdown passes against the Raiders. Profanity #2 uttered now.
1:46- Well, if you know you can’t stop the Tomlinson, you shouldn’t even try. Fine, don’t try. He’s number twenty-one in your programs and number one in your hearts. I heard somebody say that once. Oh, and the Raiders might break easier than a Hilton in front of a video camera. “We should be filming this”, “Well, okay.”
14-0 good guys…
1:49- First mention by Steve Tasker referring to our awesome secondary.
1:54- Ass Hats gain 32 on a curl route. Ass Hat receiver breaks 946 tackles along the way. Ladies and Gentlemen our secondary!!!!
1:55- Nice work letting a broken team back into the game. Way to go. Nice work boys.
14-7.
2:06- Fu(^!@$ Martyball. First sighting of that garbage today. *%*@$$.
17-7. I even get mad when we score.
2:10- Ummm….was that an earthquake???
2:10- I hope that wasn’t like a 12.6 in L.A. or Indonesia or something. Gotta go change my shorts now.
2:21- Tomlinson is still good. I thought once the second quarter started that he might not be good anymore. But, he’s still good. Announcer just calls the Raiders defense a “speedbump” in front of the Chargers. We’re the baddest speed bump in the league.
2:26- Shots of drag queens at an alternative lifestyle bar. Oh, no, those are just Raiders fans. And I am pretty sure that if Darth Vader liked football, he sure as hell wouldn’t be a Raider fan…
2;27- Now he throws touchdown passes too. On the season if you are keeping track, he has two. Two touchdown passes. And, now we are toying with them…24-7.
**** Halftime*****
2:51- Randy Moss has a sore groin and won’t be returning to the drumming. He probably pulled it last night.
3:05- More Drag Queens…Guys with painted faces, wearing dog collars and spikes and leashes. Ummm… very interesting fan base. We are playing the Hillcrest Raiders.
3:17- First trick play. Reverse. Oh, God, Brees is looking to throw a block. OH GOD!!
Nate, get out there!!! 27-7.
3:33- Okay, here are the details. The Hillcresters scored. But no matter. We’re pounding them. Oh, and thanks go here to the WORLD CHAMPS, for getting pummeled by the Jake Plummer led Broncos. Thanks WORLD CHAMPS. Thanks.
3:43- Penalty #4. False start. Out of an Oakland timeout. Sloppy work guys. Go from third and three to third and eight. Are we trying to blow leads for fun or what? And now Brees gets sacked. Profanity laced tirade directed squarely at the television.
3:44- Muffed punt prompts Tasker to say that the receiver, “Misjudged the ball like an outfielder.” Cause that’s what outfielders do. Misjudge the ball. It’s a skill.
4:01- Kerry Collins is doing his pro bowl impression of picking apart our secondary. He is throwing the ball all over us. Somebody needs to make a play before the t.v. gets it.
4:03- Heeeyyyy, Cheerleaders!! Oh my the Raiders have uggo cheerleaders. It’s like they skipped the recruiting trip at the local strip club and went straight to the prisons and mental hospitals. 27-14.
4:06- Everybody! It’s Rap Artist, Actor, Writer and all around Superstar, ICE CUBE!!!
4:06- Profanity. Lots of it. Prompted by Tomlinson fumble. Profanity. Oh, there’s a red hanky on the turf. We’ll wait…
4:09- Still Waiting. I think he’s down. I think if they reverse this call, the Drag Queens might revolt and someone could get killed with a lipstick and a leash.
4:10- Hey it’s our ball!!! Tomlinson doesn’t fumble. I can’t believe they actually reversed the call. And in just a shade under an hour. Now, somebody run out the clock before I get mad.
4:19- Victory formation. I hope they run my favorite play. Snap the ball and somebody kneel down. Game over. We manage not to squander another lead. Good for us.
Things I Noticed:
-I haaate Martyball.
-The Raiders suck.
-I hate earthquakes.
-The Raiders suck.
-I like this team when they play to their strengths.
-I hate Martyball.
-We broke them and they caved. The Raiders suck.
Good for us. Now let’s try to keep McNabb from throwing for 500 against us this week.
Sunday afternoon recap begins now…
1:15- Kickoff. I hope that the Raiders get hurt. All of them…
1:17- Hey, it’s our first penalty. Good start boys.
1:18- Tomlinson gets his first carry of the day. Gets no where. But at least he is getting the ball early. Good sign, now if somebody can tell the offensive line to block, we’re in good shape.
1:24- Eric Parker just got absolutely blasted. That looked like fun.
1:25- Still going to Tomlinson. Not doing much yet, but he looks fast.
1:31- Well, I have officially again determined with a lot of painstaking effort that the Raiders really suck. They are just terrible. Are they too dumb to realize that they need to cover Tomlinson? EVERYBODY, EVERYBODY knows that. Did I say that everybody knows that? Seven nothing good guys…
1:37- Somehow, our secondary picked off a Kerry Collins duck. Bwhao (sic) got a pick. Now people are going to think that our secondary is just awesome. That’s right, you can’t throw it against us!! (did that come off as believable at all?)
1:39- Well, I’m convinced that Ladainian is the best in the league. Give him the ball on every play. Every one. I mean it. Well, except for those times he is tired, cause the backup is the second best in the league and I’ll stand by that. Turner the Burner. He’s a favorite.
(side note: I am not at all in support of calling the Best “LT”. Not in favor of a nickname that is associated with hookers and crack. And, I am not swaying at all, yet, but, man there are a lot of letters in Ladainian Tomlinson, spell check always yells at me that it’s not spelled right, and it’s a lot of freakin’ letters. If I cave and start calling him that, somebody remind me of this with a punch in the nuts.)
1:41- Penalty #2. Holding on Gates. First profanity of the day. It was the big one. The one that begins with the letter between E and G. And now they are calling timeout. Somehow manage to avoid profanity # 2, only because I need to hit the john and it gave me the commercial break to do that. It also gave me the opportunity to think about McCardell dropping touchdown passes against the Raiders. Profanity #2 uttered now.
1:46- Well, if you know you can’t stop the Tomlinson, you shouldn’t even try. Fine, don’t try. He’s number twenty-one in your programs and number one in your hearts. I heard somebody say that once. Oh, and the Raiders might break easier than a Hilton in front of a video camera. “We should be filming this”, “Well, okay.”
14-0 good guys…
1:49- First mention by Steve Tasker referring to our awesome secondary.
1:54- Ass Hats gain 32 on a curl route. Ass Hat receiver breaks 946 tackles along the way. Ladies and Gentlemen our secondary!!!!
1:55- Nice work letting a broken team back into the game. Way to go. Nice work boys.
14-7.
2:06- Fu(^!@$ Martyball. First sighting of that garbage today. *%*@$$.
17-7. I even get mad when we score.
2:10- Ummm….was that an earthquake???
2:10- I hope that wasn’t like a 12.6 in L.A. or Indonesia or something. Gotta go change my shorts now.
2:21- Tomlinson is still good. I thought once the second quarter started that he might not be good anymore. But, he’s still good. Announcer just calls the Raiders defense a “speedbump” in front of the Chargers. We’re the baddest speed bump in the league.
2:26- Shots of drag queens at an alternative lifestyle bar. Oh, no, those are just Raiders fans. And I am pretty sure that if Darth Vader liked football, he sure as hell wouldn’t be a Raider fan…
2;27- Now he throws touchdown passes too. On the season if you are keeping track, he has two. Two touchdown passes. And, now we are toying with them…24-7.
**** Halftime*****
2:51- Randy Moss has a sore groin and won’t be returning to the drumming. He probably pulled it last night.
3:05- More Drag Queens…Guys with painted faces, wearing dog collars and spikes and leashes. Ummm… very interesting fan base. We are playing the Hillcrest Raiders.
3:17- First trick play. Reverse. Oh, God, Brees is looking to throw a block. OH GOD!!
Nate, get out there!!! 27-7.
3:33- Okay, here are the details. The Hillcresters scored. But no matter. We’re pounding them. Oh, and thanks go here to the WORLD CHAMPS, for getting pummeled by the Jake Plummer led Broncos. Thanks WORLD CHAMPS. Thanks.
3:43- Penalty #4. False start. Out of an Oakland timeout. Sloppy work guys. Go from third and three to third and eight. Are we trying to blow leads for fun or what? And now Brees gets sacked. Profanity laced tirade directed squarely at the television.
3:44- Muffed punt prompts Tasker to say that the receiver, “Misjudged the ball like an outfielder.” Cause that’s what outfielders do. Misjudge the ball. It’s a skill.
4:01- Kerry Collins is doing his pro bowl impression of picking apart our secondary. He is throwing the ball all over us. Somebody needs to make a play before the t.v. gets it.
4:03- Heeeyyyy, Cheerleaders!! Oh my the Raiders have uggo cheerleaders. It’s like they skipped the recruiting trip at the local strip club and went straight to the prisons and mental hospitals. 27-14.
4:06- Everybody! It’s Rap Artist, Actor, Writer and all around Superstar, ICE CUBE!!!
4:06- Profanity. Lots of it. Prompted by Tomlinson fumble. Profanity. Oh, there’s a red hanky on the turf. We’ll wait…
4:09- Still Waiting. I think he’s down. I think if they reverse this call, the Drag Queens might revolt and someone could get killed with a lipstick and a leash.
4:10- Hey it’s our ball!!! Tomlinson doesn’t fumble. I can’t believe they actually reversed the call. And in just a shade under an hour. Now, somebody run out the clock before I get mad.
4:19- Victory formation. I hope they run my favorite play. Snap the ball and somebody kneel down. Game over. We manage not to squander another lead. Good for us.
Things I Noticed:
-I haaate Martyball.
-The Raiders suck.
-I hate earthquakes.
-The Raiders suck.
-I like this team when they play to their strengths.
-I hate Martyball.
-We broke them and they caved. The Raiders suck.
Good for us. Now let’s try to keep McNabb from throwing for 500 against us this week.
Tuesday, October 11, 2005
Holy Hell...
To be as eloquent as possible about the performance of the football team last evening, it sucked. All of it. From beginning to end, with few highlights in between, the majority of the entire game just sucked. I couldn’t be less pleased with the performance of the team as a whole and it is wearing on me still to this moment. Why did we suck? Let’s highlight the evening shall we...
-Apathy. (noun) Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference. (from Dictionary.com)
Pretty much covers the entire first half performance by our secondary in general. From the stupid (and by stupid I mean stupid) holding and pass interference calls on Jammer and Florence (Drayton, who was covering his man at the time, decided to molest the receiver child like, even though he was already in position to make a play.) and Jammer’s indifference on the luck be a lady booth reversal of touchdown fortune for Hines Ward when the ‘phantom’ tackle was made. I had never seen my team quit on a play quite like that one before. Guys were just standing around looking like someone kidnapped their pet kitten, hung it by its ears in a tree and beat it like a donut filled piñata, with an axe handle. I never knew what it would be like to have a secondary with no cover corners and all safeties. At this point in the season, I think all of the starters for the ‘All Pass Interference Team’ play cornerback for us.
One thing that I hate seeing more than anything is what Bill Simmons’ refers to during the less than spectacular coaching performances of Mr. Schottenheimer. Or as Simmons would say, “Coaching with both hands clasped firmly around your own throat.” Affectionately known as ‘MartyBall’ by those who support the ultra conservative, play not to lose, colossally unspectacular offense that has gotten no one particularly anywhere in terms of winning (Chargers v. Jets 01/05). So, since we have been forced to do so, we must repeat the mantra for the offense. AGAIN.
1. We must run the ball with Ladainian. His effectiveness running the ball makes throwing it much easier. I don't care if it doesn't work perfectly every time. He must get going before...
2. Gates and McCardell get involved once the running game is established. Then the two opposing forces compliment each other and we score 40+ points.
So how do we open the game against the Steel City? Play action, play action, play action, punt. Or something similar to that, I was actively trying to drown myself in my toilet at that point and we were only three minutes into the game.
This team scores at will when they run the ball, and play loose and aggressive and utilize all of their talent across the field. This ‘MartyBall’ significantly reduces the effectiveness of a young offense that thrives on that aggressiveness and longs to make the big plays. And good lord who was around to help the offensive line adjust to the blitzes that Pittsburgh was using so effectively? Looked like the second half of the Denver game all over again.
The second half provided a little reprieve in terms of heart palpitations as we clawed our way back into the game with (f*$&!^&) Martyball, an Iowan chicken leg, and Pittsburgh mistakes. I looked at the score so prominently displayed on the television and it had us on top. ‘Wow’, I thought to myself, ‘Why does it feel like we are losing?’. Three pass plays later, we were. I almost felt relieved that we coughed up the lead like an emphysema patient ridding themselves of unwanted phlegm. I wanted to send Bhawoh (???) Jue a note telling him that I had a better chance of covering Heath Miller, than spelling his first name. That touchdown was amazing. Here comes Miller over the middle, and there’s Jue, waiting for his responsibility, and there’s the ball, and there’s the touchdown, and there’s the celebration. And it was about now, that Jue figured out that Miller was his, the only guy in his area, and he never even made a break on the pass. I have this play tivo-ed for anyone who wants to see what it looks like (pretty much resembles a bowl full of turd) from a multitude of angles and speeds. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COVER SOMEONE!!!
The offense gets credit, they never quit and marched right down the field and got on the back of our horse, albeit well into the fourth quarter and a smidgen late, and scored to snap the lead back. The two point play was unsuccessful, although, I liked the motion of Gates out into the flat to draw the coverage from the middle. I generally like run plays more than pass for these two point jobs, but I thought Gates one on one on the outside might be a good match up. So, we ran it into the teeth of the defense. Not our worst play call, but certainly not our best effort at trying to WIN GAMES!!! It’s really funny to me that the games we have won, we have gone out to actually win the game. The games we didn’t win? The games we played not to lose.... Coaching Staff? Coaching Staff? Questions for you from the smart ass in the back of the room....Simmons wants to know if you can talk with your hands wrapped around your vocal chords like that...
Last Drive Summary...
Kickoff, Good Return
Pass, Pass (4th Quarter and still no one is covering Hines Ward, oh by the way, their best receiver) Quarterback gets hurt, fat guy runs, fat guy runs, kicker kicks, we lose. On national television.
(Unnecessary vulgarities and temper tantrum removed for content inappropriate for children)
Other things I didn’t like:
John Madden and Al Michaels constantly repeating how awesome San Diego is and how everyone and their seventeen children and grandparents should exhume pets and loved ones and move here next door to me.
For the love of God message to the NFL and Paul Tagliabue:
I would much rather see commercials with Al Pacino and whatever that guy from Dazed and Confused’s name is, in a completely implausible movie about sports betting and gambling and all the debauchery that is associated with things of that nature, than to watch Tim McGraw perform that awful 10 year old song about nothing without even having the consideration for us to bring his hotter more talented wife into the screen with him while he whines and squeals his way through a weekend roundup of football. Note to Paul, changing the words and making them relate to football EVERY WEEK, doesn’t make me like Tim McGraw, country conservative horse puckey or anything associated with country music, Nascar, and or wholesome country attitudes. It makes me hate country music, people from the country, Nascar, and makes me go to bed at night wishing that gonorrhea would befall Mr. Hill causing his wife to leave him for a twix bar and a weekend with Axl Rose.
We are going to try not to lose to Oakland now...
-Apathy. (noun) Lack of interest or concern, especially regarding matters of general importance or appeal; indifference. (from Dictionary.com)
Pretty much covers the entire first half performance by our secondary in general. From the stupid (and by stupid I mean stupid) holding and pass interference calls on Jammer and Florence (Drayton, who was covering his man at the time, decided to molest the receiver child like, even though he was already in position to make a play.) and Jammer’s indifference on the luck be a lady booth reversal of touchdown fortune for Hines Ward when the ‘phantom’ tackle was made. I had never seen my team quit on a play quite like that one before. Guys were just standing around looking like someone kidnapped their pet kitten, hung it by its ears in a tree and beat it like a donut filled piñata, with an axe handle. I never knew what it would be like to have a secondary with no cover corners and all safeties. At this point in the season, I think all of the starters for the ‘All Pass Interference Team’ play cornerback for us.
One thing that I hate seeing more than anything is what Bill Simmons’ refers to during the less than spectacular coaching performances of Mr. Schottenheimer. Or as Simmons would say, “Coaching with both hands clasped firmly around your own throat.” Affectionately known as ‘MartyBall’ by those who support the ultra conservative, play not to lose, colossally unspectacular offense that has gotten no one particularly anywhere in terms of winning (Chargers v. Jets 01/05). So, since we have been forced to do so, we must repeat the mantra for the offense. AGAIN.
1. We must run the ball with Ladainian. His effectiveness running the ball makes throwing it much easier. I don't care if it doesn't work perfectly every time. He must get going before...
2. Gates and McCardell get involved once the running game is established. Then the two opposing forces compliment each other and we score 40+ points.
So how do we open the game against the Steel City? Play action, play action, play action, punt. Or something similar to that, I was actively trying to drown myself in my toilet at that point and we were only three minutes into the game.
This team scores at will when they run the ball, and play loose and aggressive and utilize all of their talent across the field. This ‘MartyBall’ significantly reduces the effectiveness of a young offense that thrives on that aggressiveness and longs to make the big plays. And good lord who was around to help the offensive line adjust to the blitzes that Pittsburgh was using so effectively? Looked like the second half of the Denver game all over again.
The second half provided a little reprieve in terms of heart palpitations as we clawed our way back into the game with (f*$&!^&) Martyball, an Iowan chicken leg, and Pittsburgh mistakes. I looked at the score so prominently displayed on the television and it had us on top. ‘Wow’, I thought to myself, ‘Why does it feel like we are losing?’. Three pass plays later, we were. I almost felt relieved that we coughed up the lead like an emphysema patient ridding themselves of unwanted phlegm. I wanted to send Bhawoh (???) Jue a note telling him that I had a better chance of covering Heath Miller, than spelling his first name. That touchdown was amazing. Here comes Miller over the middle, and there’s Jue, waiting for his responsibility, and there’s the ball, and there’s the touchdown, and there’s the celebration. And it was about now, that Jue figured out that Miller was his, the only guy in his area, and he never even made a break on the pass. I have this play tivo-ed for anyone who wants to see what it looks like (pretty much resembles a bowl full of turd) from a multitude of angles and speeds. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, COVER SOMEONE!!!
The offense gets credit, they never quit and marched right down the field and got on the back of our horse, albeit well into the fourth quarter and a smidgen late, and scored to snap the lead back. The two point play was unsuccessful, although, I liked the motion of Gates out into the flat to draw the coverage from the middle. I generally like run plays more than pass for these two point jobs, but I thought Gates one on one on the outside might be a good match up. So, we ran it into the teeth of the defense. Not our worst play call, but certainly not our best effort at trying to WIN GAMES!!! It’s really funny to me that the games we have won, we have gone out to actually win the game. The games we didn’t win? The games we played not to lose.... Coaching Staff? Coaching Staff? Questions for you from the smart ass in the back of the room....Simmons wants to know if you can talk with your hands wrapped around your vocal chords like that...
Last Drive Summary...
Kickoff, Good Return
Pass, Pass (4th Quarter and still no one is covering Hines Ward, oh by the way, their best receiver) Quarterback gets hurt, fat guy runs, fat guy runs, kicker kicks, we lose. On national television.
(Unnecessary vulgarities and temper tantrum removed for content inappropriate for children)
Other things I didn’t like:
John Madden and Al Michaels constantly repeating how awesome San Diego is and how everyone and their seventeen children and grandparents should exhume pets and loved ones and move here next door to me.
For the love of God message to the NFL and Paul Tagliabue:
I would much rather see commercials with Al Pacino and whatever that guy from Dazed and Confused’s name is, in a completely implausible movie about sports betting and gambling and all the debauchery that is associated with things of that nature, than to watch Tim McGraw perform that awful 10 year old song about nothing without even having the consideration for us to bring his hotter more talented wife into the screen with him while he whines and squeals his way through a weekend roundup of football. Note to Paul, changing the words and making them relate to football EVERY WEEK, doesn’t make me like Tim McGraw, country conservative horse puckey or anything associated with country music, Nascar, and or wholesome country attitudes. It makes me hate country music, people from the country, Nascar, and makes me go to bed at night wishing that gonorrhea would befall Mr. Hill causing his wife to leave him for a twix bar and a weekend with Axl Rose.
We are going to try not to lose to Oakland now...
Wednesday, October 05, 2005
Time to Get to Work...
Sad as it is, last Sunday’s prime victory, one that will remain with me for some time especially since there is a large Boston contingency in my area, must be put on the back burner until the business at hand is behind us. And the schedule that never gets easier tells me that Pittsburgh is on the way, it’ll be a Monday Night Showdown, we’ll be in the powder blues, and a marathon will be had.
This thing is going to be interesting in so many ways. These two teams are exactly the same on paper. There will be a festival of handoffs on both sides of the ball, as those armed with guys named Bettis, Staley, and Parker commit themselves to that quite whole heartedly. Whereas on our side of the pig, there is but the one, the chosen one, who runs like the turd flows into the Tijuana river and cuts like a chick from New Jersey. Two able quarterbacks will man the offenses and throw deliberately, hitting their targets with the accuracy of a pre-teen in a National Spelling Bee. Man, is that a dumb sentence... moving on.
On to the defense where the similarities don’t really end. Excellent run stoppers on both sides of the field, and secondaries that can be beat. If our offense wasn’t clicking on about 650 cylinders right now, I might suggest that this would be a low scoring, knock down, drag out, good old fashioned football game. But, I am not going to do that. In fact, I am going to suggest something completely different than that. I have some beliefs, let me tell you what they are...
-I believe we are on the verge of a massacre.
-I believe after four weeks of Monday football, I am, and everyone else should be, sick of Tim McGraw and his stupid song.
-I believe that the entire country will be shocked on Monday. Except me.
-I believe in pizza in all its glorious forms and for all it stands for.
-I believe that if I knew how a Steeler shows its ultimate disappointment, I would express that here in words, for that is how they will feel when they leave America’s Finest (read: most expensive) City on Tuesday.
-I believe in Drew Brees, Ladanian Touchdown, First and Antonio, Keenan and the Gang, Santa Claus, The Chupacabra, and the Yeti. Okay, not Santa Claus, but all the rest.
-I believe there will be a tie for first place after next Monday night in the AFC West.
Arms up. Arms up.
This thing is going to be interesting in so many ways. These two teams are exactly the same on paper. There will be a festival of handoffs on both sides of the ball, as those armed with guys named Bettis, Staley, and Parker commit themselves to that quite whole heartedly. Whereas on our side of the pig, there is but the one, the chosen one, who runs like the turd flows into the Tijuana river and cuts like a chick from New Jersey. Two able quarterbacks will man the offenses and throw deliberately, hitting their targets with the accuracy of a pre-teen in a National Spelling Bee. Man, is that a dumb sentence... moving on.
On to the defense where the similarities don’t really end. Excellent run stoppers on both sides of the field, and secondaries that can be beat. If our offense wasn’t clicking on about 650 cylinders right now, I might suggest that this would be a low scoring, knock down, drag out, good old fashioned football game. But, I am not going to do that. In fact, I am going to suggest something completely different than that. I have some beliefs, let me tell you what they are...
-I believe we are on the verge of a massacre.
-I believe after four weeks of Monday football, I am, and everyone else should be, sick of Tim McGraw and his stupid song.
-I believe that the entire country will be shocked on Monday. Except me.
-I believe in pizza in all its glorious forms and for all it stands for.
-I believe that if I knew how a Steeler shows its ultimate disappointment, I would express that here in words, for that is how they will feel when they leave America’s Finest (read: most expensive) City on Tuesday.
-I believe in Drew Brees, Ladanian Touchdown, First and Antonio, Keenan and the Gang, Santa Claus, The Chupacabra, and the Yeti. Okay, not Santa Claus, but all the rest.
-I believe there will be a tie for first place after next Monday night in the AFC West.
Arms up. Arms up.
Tuesday, October 04, 2005
Confucius Say...
Man, one can never pick a better time to be abducted by aliens. Seeing as how those skinny little creatures caught and tormented me for three days and forced me to endure all things Patriot at the hands of one of the Sharpe brothers, I was unable to put forth my prologue to what will be to date the best victory of the season.
I could rehash all of my thoughts pertaining to the big day, how we would overcome what has been the most dominating force in professional football for three of the last four years. How their injuries were finally catching up to them and how our secondary, if challenged, would actually rise to the occasion instead of folding like a Manning in a big game, we could in fact hand the Pats their first loss on the home front in something like 946 attempts. But, thanks to those aliens, I wasn’t able to put those thoughts down on paper and what do I have to show for it? Not a thing, except for the feeling of satisfaction and relief that came along with a win like that, and the warm happy feeling that knowing I knew it was possible and I wasn’t able to tell anyone. Much like the Bolts slow start, perhaps I may now know of what I speak.
Quite honestly this was one of the best team performances that I have seen from this group and that includes all of the magic that was ’04. Ladanian was setting the tone early and the passing attack was clicking, including everyone on the team with a set of hands. Our able quarterback had another outstanding day in terms of accuracy, specifically targeting the guys with lightning on their shirts and delivering strikes all but for five times the entire day. To put it in baseball terms, Drew has thrown 8 balls the last two weeks. Not bad. There is really no way to highlight the offensive performance any further, as Ladanian solidified his position as leader, no one wanted to be left out of the barrage, and truly no one was. This was one of the most balanced, powerful days of offense I have seen. There is just one thing that scares me about the way we played on Sunday...
I think we can improve on it...
Call me crazy, but right now, no one in the last two weeks has been able to even hang with us. It’s not that we have opened up the offense or are running complicated formations and schemes. We just have some serious weaponry right now that the foes just can’t contain. From Ladanian, to Antonio, to Keenan, to Eric and Reche, no one is able to cover all of those options for the quarterback. His vision right now is exceptional, he is seeing the field well, and he has all of the aforementioned personnel to thank for that. Balance. I haven’t seen this kind of balance on our offense since... well, since ever. Maybe those Fouts teams had some of this, but they never had the running game to compliment it, and well, I was too damn young to remember whether or not they were this good. So I will just leave it at this... I can’t remember seeing this much balance on the “O”, and it shows to the tune of a 45 and a 41 spot the past two weeks.
So come this Monday night we bring the fight to the members of the Steel City. Time to get to work boys…arms up.
I could rehash all of my thoughts pertaining to the big day, how we would overcome what has been the most dominating force in professional football for three of the last four years. How their injuries were finally catching up to them and how our secondary, if challenged, would actually rise to the occasion instead of folding like a Manning in a big game, we could in fact hand the Pats their first loss on the home front in something like 946 attempts. But, thanks to those aliens, I wasn’t able to put those thoughts down on paper and what do I have to show for it? Not a thing, except for the feeling of satisfaction and relief that came along with a win like that, and the warm happy feeling that knowing I knew it was possible and I wasn’t able to tell anyone. Much like the Bolts slow start, perhaps I may now know of what I speak.
Quite honestly this was one of the best team performances that I have seen from this group and that includes all of the magic that was ’04. Ladanian was setting the tone early and the passing attack was clicking, including everyone on the team with a set of hands. Our able quarterback had another outstanding day in terms of accuracy, specifically targeting the guys with lightning on their shirts and delivering strikes all but for five times the entire day. To put it in baseball terms, Drew has thrown 8 balls the last two weeks. Not bad. There is really no way to highlight the offensive performance any further, as Ladanian solidified his position as leader, no one wanted to be left out of the barrage, and truly no one was. This was one of the most balanced, powerful days of offense I have seen. There is just one thing that scares me about the way we played on Sunday...
I think we can improve on it...
Call me crazy, but right now, no one in the last two weeks has been able to even hang with us. It’s not that we have opened up the offense or are running complicated formations and schemes. We just have some serious weaponry right now that the foes just can’t contain. From Ladanian, to Antonio, to Keenan, to Eric and Reche, no one is able to cover all of those options for the quarterback. His vision right now is exceptional, he is seeing the field well, and he has all of the aforementioned personnel to thank for that. Balance. I haven’t seen this kind of balance on our offense since... well, since ever. Maybe those Fouts teams had some of this, but they never had the running game to compliment it, and well, I was too damn young to remember whether or not they were this good. So I will just leave it at this... I can’t remember seeing this much balance on the “O”, and it shows to the tune of a 45 and a 41 spot the past two weeks.
So come this Monday night we bring the fight to the members of the Steel City. Time to get to work boys…arms up.
Monday, September 26, 2005
A Good Start...
Mistakes and lackluster football have made me and my predictions feel like morons and I am done with it. So, instead of making a pick on one game, I am going to share all of my picks on all the other games, just to share with you that I am not worth the stool I sit on this season. Here we go... I actually made these picks on Friday in my fully legal far from illegal football pool. You can laugh if you want to…
-Rams -6.5- They are at home, they are playing the Titans, there is no valid reasoning behind this pick. Truly just a hunch...
-Philly -7.5- Home against Oakland. I hate Oakland. Won’t ever pick ‘em.
-Chicago +3- I don’t know why, Home underdog, good defense. Hey it’s early in the season.
-Jets Pick- Jags lost their best safety/corner/return guy, gimpy quarterback. I do like Leftwich for his middle finger to the Colts though...
-New Orleans +4.5- Yeah, I know, bet against them, road game during short week to another road game, oh and the hurricane? Just felt like picking them...
-Carolina -3.5- It’s Miami. I am not picking Miami. Not yet.
-Indy -13.5- It’s Cleveland. Whatever. Peyton at home with Marvin, that’s enough.
-Buffalo Pick- Vick’s hurt. Buffalo at home. A game I couldn’t care less about...
-Tampa -3- In Lambeau too. I don’t know. I can’t get on this Green Bay wagon, if it was December and 3 degrees I might go the other way. Then again, I am picking against a home dog...not smart.
-Seattle -6- I hate this pick. Arizona is going to win some games. Seattle is going to lose some. Probably should go the other way here. I love football.
Pittsburgh -3- Probably the game of the week against the defending champs. I actually feel good about this one. Would probably invoke the December rule here though too.
-Dallas -6.5- This line could go up to ten and I would still like Dallas. After pushing one out last Monday against the Skins, there is no way that San Francisco can hang. They are just innocent victims here.
-This is where there would be a pick made for the Charger game, moving on...
-Kansas City +3- Most confusing line of the week for me. Denver is terrible, I stand by that statement, and you are going to give me points. Okay, I take them.
If you are scoring at home, that is two correct picks. Two. I am really getting good at this… More on Sunday night later in the week.
-Rams -6.5- They are at home, they are playing the Titans, there is no valid reasoning behind this pick. Truly just a hunch...
-Philly -7.5- Home against Oakland. I hate Oakland. Won’t ever pick ‘em.
-Chicago +3- I don’t know why, Home underdog, good defense. Hey it’s early in the season.
-Jets Pick- Jags lost their best safety/corner/return guy, gimpy quarterback. I do like Leftwich for his middle finger to the Colts though...
-New Orleans +4.5- Yeah, I know, bet against them, road game during short week to another road game, oh and the hurricane? Just felt like picking them...
-Carolina -3.5- It’s Miami. I am not picking Miami. Not yet.
-Indy -13.5- It’s Cleveland. Whatever. Peyton at home with Marvin, that’s enough.
-Buffalo Pick- Vick’s hurt. Buffalo at home. A game I couldn’t care less about...
-Tampa -3- In Lambeau too. I don’t know. I can’t get on this Green Bay wagon, if it was December and 3 degrees I might go the other way. Then again, I am picking against a home dog...not smart.
-Seattle -6- I hate this pick. Arizona is going to win some games. Seattle is going to lose some. Probably should go the other way here. I love football.
Pittsburgh -3- Probably the game of the week against the defending champs. I actually feel good about this one. Would probably invoke the December rule here though too.
-Dallas -6.5- This line could go up to ten and I would still like Dallas. After pushing one out last Monday against the Skins, there is no way that San Francisco can hang. They are just innocent victims here.
-This is where there would be a pick made for the Charger game, moving on...
-Kansas City +3- Most confusing line of the week for me. Denver is terrible, I stand by that statement, and you are going to give me points. Okay, I take them.
If you are scoring at home, that is two correct picks. Two. I am really getting good at this… More on Sunday night later in the week.
Thursday, September 22, 2005
72 Hours and Counting
All right so what do we know. Well, we know that the Bolt Gods were more than a little mildly upset this past Monday night and were looking to make restitution in a clear message sending light show that began shortly after midnight. It was obvious to me that the Lords of Lightning were rather embarrassed to have their likenesses degraded by the performance of the Bolt wearers on the field. Clearly this was a sign that we had better get our stuff together and represent ourselves on the field in the true image of what that Bolt symbolizes.
I am not in a position to make words flow together in a functional way that would adequately portray my feelings about Sunday. All that I can say at this point is this is not a team that I recognize from the recent past. This is a team that resembles some of those others that did some major damage on the field, mostly to my psyche. This team is starting to remind me of a team that not too many people want to remember. So, at this point we will move on.
Now as bleak as things are looking at this very moment consider a few thoughts that I have been tossing around for the last few days. It’s not how we are playing that really needs to be measured right now, because there is another factor that is in play here that dictates how good we really are one eighth into the ’05 season. And it goes a little like this:
-The Cowgirls beat us, the Skins beat the Cowgirls, so the Skins are better than us.
-The Dolphins beat the Ponies, the Ponies beat us, so the Dolphins are better than us.
-So, when we beat the Giants, who beat the Saints, who beat Carolina, who beat the Patriots, who beat the Raiders, it is logical that we are better than the Giants, Saints, Panthers, Patriots and of course the Raiders.
I’d say that puts this season in a much better perspective than the 0-2 record would indicate. I feel much better.
Opening lines for this Sunday’s contest with the Midgets and Little Manning were a reflection of the bad drinking and substance abuse problems of professional gamblers. Bolts giving six and a magical hook to the aforementioned New York Blue. I like the Bolts, hopefully that lightning storm shocked their system a bit. But, that line seems awfully ambitious to me. I think Kicking Nate is going to play a very prominent role in this one, as we turn this season around this Sunday night. ESPN will have the call and will tell me about the magic of the game all the night long.
And now that none of my predictions for the season have been realized we can all agree I am more full of feces than one of America’s favorite cities.
I am not in a position to make words flow together in a functional way that would adequately portray my feelings about Sunday. All that I can say at this point is this is not a team that I recognize from the recent past. This is a team that resembles some of those others that did some major damage on the field, mostly to my psyche. This team is starting to remind me of a team that not too many people want to remember. So, at this point we will move on.
Now as bleak as things are looking at this very moment consider a few thoughts that I have been tossing around for the last few days. It’s not how we are playing that really needs to be measured right now, because there is another factor that is in play here that dictates how good we really are one eighth into the ’05 season. And it goes a little like this:
-The Cowgirls beat us, the Skins beat the Cowgirls, so the Skins are better than us.
-The Dolphins beat the Ponies, the Ponies beat us, so the Dolphins are better than us.
-So, when we beat the Giants, who beat the Saints, who beat Carolina, who beat the Patriots, who beat the Raiders, it is logical that we are better than the Giants, Saints, Panthers, Patriots and of course the Raiders.
I’d say that puts this season in a much better perspective than the 0-2 record would indicate. I feel much better.
Opening lines for this Sunday’s contest with the Midgets and Little Manning were a reflection of the bad drinking and substance abuse problems of professional gamblers. Bolts giving six and a magical hook to the aforementioned New York Blue. I like the Bolts, hopefully that lightning storm shocked their system a bit. But, that line seems awfully ambitious to me. I think Kicking Nate is going to play a very prominent role in this one, as we turn this season around this Sunday night. ESPN will have the call and will tell me about the magic of the game all the night long.
And now that none of my predictions for the season have been realized we can all agree I am more full of feces than one of America’s favorite cities.
Thursday, September 15, 2005
Thursday Night Fun...
Some Quick Reflection Prior to Moving On…
Coach Marty Schottenheimer said there is "a 50-50 chance or even better" rookie linebacker Shawne Merriman will play against the Broncos . . .
This I love. It’s like saying, “He might play, he might not play, but you’ll sure as hell never know, that’s how great a coach I am, you’ll never know my strategy, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, but he is playing you know.” Way to keep it a secret coach, oh and by the way, I am sure that everyone across the country starting in Denver is saying to themselves, “Who is Shawne Merriman again? And why does he spell his name that way?” On second thought it probably is best to keep Denver and Jake in the dark whether or not this guy is playing, he could really mess up their game plan.
Next there was this gem from today’s paper:
General Manager A.J. Smith, who made the decision to present Gates with a deadline, said Monday he had no regrets. Asked if he did, Gates thought for a moment before replying. "You know what?" he said. "In a way. Considering the circumstances, I wasn't out there on Sunday, and obviously I wanted to be there. I wanted to be here long-term. Things happen, you learn from them and now it's time for me to look forward and get ready for Denver."
I sense genuine regret from the touchdown maker here. I think he is starting to wish that he had gone to camp and not gotten himself kicked off the island. Lesson learned. We’re 0-1 and he feels bad, I’d say that’s a win win situation for everybody involved. Mr. Smith made his point, and now we’re 0-1. I haven’t seen two sides work this well together since North and South Korea hit the sheets together. Sometimes I wish this season had a rewind button, somebody get tivo on the phone and see if there is anything they can do...
There are a lot of assumptions I am willing to make at this late stage of the season. Week two is upon us and at 4 O’clock on Sunday the season will be one eighth old. So, here is where I stand. Someone should record this so I feel like an absolute moron later in the season when this is all wrong… Let’s do it in bullet format, ready go:
-I still think it is a good idea to bet against the Saints. (Shut up, that makes me an opportunist, not a jerk)
-Kansas City is back. We can compete for the division with them, but unless Larry Johnson keeps beating up his “girlfriend” we are going to have to play very well, and beat them twice.
-Oakland is on their, whatever, Oakland could go 15-1 and they would still suck.
-Teams I like that Lost in Week One:
Carolina, Philadelphia (stretching here), St. Louis (shut up), Washington (oh, they won?)
-Teams I don’t like that Won in Week One:
Washington, San Francisco (shocker, and not in the bay area way), Miami’s Offense, Dallas (Eat me Parcells)
-Denver has no quarterback, no backup quarterback, questionable running backs, and no coach. They goooooood…
-We are better than we played last weekend. We have a horrible schedule. Second hardest in the league. We need to win the division again.
-It is entirely possible that there will be 22 8-8 teams by season’s end. Someone in the NFC may win the division with a losing record. That has nothing to do with baseball and any ill will I harbor to anyone that won’t shut up about that. It’s football season.
On that note, we should, and I said this last week, just not here, kill Denver this Sunday. I know that they may be playing high after getting smoked by Miami last weekend, but the defense should be able to handle the ineptitude that is their attempt at football. In fact I will make a score prediction.
We will score like Paris Hilton and they will score like Dwight Gooden.
More later…
Coach Marty Schottenheimer said there is "a 50-50 chance or even better" rookie linebacker Shawne Merriman will play against the Broncos . . .
This I love. It’s like saying, “He might play, he might not play, but you’ll sure as hell never know, that’s how great a coach I am, you’ll never know my strategy, HAHAHAHAHA!!!! Oh, but he is playing you know.” Way to keep it a secret coach, oh and by the way, I am sure that everyone across the country starting in Denver is saying to themselves, “Who is Shawne Merriman again? And why does he spell his name that way?” On second thought it probably is best to keep Denver and Jake in the dark whether or not this guy is playing, he could really mess up their game plan.
Next there was this gem from today’s paper:
General Manager A.J. Smith, who made the decision to present Gates with a deadline, said Monday he had no regrets. Asked if he did, Gates thought for a moment before replying. "You know what?" he said. "In a way. Considering the circumstances, I wasn't out there on Sunday, and obviously I wanted to be there. I wanted to be here long-term. Things happen, you learn from them and now it's time for me to look forward and get ready for Denver."
I sense genuine regret from the touchdown maker here. I think he is starting to wish that he had gone to camp and not gotten himself kicked off the island. Lesson learned. We’re 0-1 and he feels bad, I’d say that’s a win win situation for everybody involved. Mr. Smith made his point, and now we’re 0-1. I haven’t seen two sides work this well together since North and South Korea hit the sheets together. Sometimes I wish this season had a rewind button, somebody get tivo on the phone and see if there is anything they can do...
There are a lot of assumptions I am willing to make at this late stage of the season. Week two is upon us and at 4 O’clock on Sunday the season will be one eighth old. So, here is where I stand. Someone should record this so I feel like an absolute moron later in the season when this is all wrong… Let’s do it in bullet format, ready go:
-I still think it is a good idea to bet against the Saints. (Shut up, that makes me an opportunist, not a jerk)
-Kansas City is back. We can compete for the division with them, but unless Larry Johnson keeps beating up his “girlfriend” we are going to have to play very well, and beat them twice.
-Oakland is on their, whatever, Oakland could go 15-1 and they would still suck.
-Teams I like that Lost in Week One:
Carolina, Philadelphia (stretching here), St. Louis (shut up), Washington (oh, they won?)
-Teams I don’t like that Won in Week One:
Washington, San Francisco (shocker, and not in the bay area way), Miami’s Offense, Dallas (Eat me Parcells)
-Denver has no quarterback, no backup quarterback, questionable running backs, and no coach. They goooooood…
-We are better than we played last weekend. We have a horrible schedule. Second hardest in the league. We need to win the division again.
-It is entirely possible that there will be 22 8-8 teams by season’s end. Someone in the NFC may win the division with a losing record. That has nothing to do with baseball and any ill will I harbor to anyone that won’t shut up about that. It’s football season.
On that note, we should, and I said this last week, just not here, kill Denver this Sunday. I know that they may be playing high after getting smoked by Miami last weekend, but the defense should be able to handle the ineptitude that is their attempt at football. In fact I will make a score prediction.
We will score like Paris Hilton and they will score like Dwight Gooden.
More later…
Tuesday, September 13, 2005
Week One Done...
Reflecting after being a few days removed from what is not what you would like to call an ideal start to the 2005 Bolt season, we find ourselves in the awesome position of being an 0-1 team in what I will continue to perceive as an improved division. With the notable exception of the Broncos taking a Dolphin induced turd down in Miami, the competition is doing its impression of the division of years past. Kansas City looked what can only be described as better in their grounding of the Jets. How much of that was the Chiefs running game versus the fraternity president Mr. Chad Pennington’s notable failures (of which there were six!!) is still to be seen. But from my seat, it looked like the Chiefers, at least after week number one were yet to bring Mr. Vermiel to tears. I won’t say it yet, my vocal chords and fingers have revolted and will not allow me to put in print that the Silver and Black Halloweenies definitely were present during their contest with the Pats. And that is as far as I am going to pursue that thought…
It is at this point that we should revisit our opening day against the Cowgirls. I still have not totally accepted up to this point how they managed to beat us on our patch of grass. A crippled robot for a quarterback and a receiver who left his best days in South Central managed to reduce our secondary to a bad pop warner squad. How we didn’t manage to break the all time single game sack record against a quarterback who moves about as well side to side as my windshield wipers is beyond me. How did our much “improved” secondary make Keyshawn look like he could beat Willie Gault in a race? I guess it’s not that tough to worry about making difficult catches when no one is covering you. The only viable threat seemed to be Clayton, and he too got his fair share of the pigskin. Oh, and then there were the penalties. Pass interference was the special of the day, mix in a few personal fouls, and a couple of illegal contacts and some holds, and we had ourselves a five dollar lunchtime special out at the Murph. Game one jitters I say, and I am sticking to that.
The offense was less than spectacular and there are a few reasons that I will consider to be slightly valid. Dallas’ defense is fast. On a few plays it looked like some of their linebackers could get open against our secondary. And not to say that Roy Williams didn’t have a big day either. That guy can play, and he will let you know it every opportunity he gets. Ladainian couldn’t get it going against that defense with one of our major threats sitting sideline; whose only responsibility this day to make sure his hat stayed on his head properly. I know, I know, damn A.J. Smith for doing that to us, but I will not waver not even under the most extreme of pressures to find the fault in that situation with just one party. Just think if Mr. Gates had just gone to camp, got his contract, and then got his obligatory catches and scores. The 42 point prediction I made pre-game just might have come true. I fret not, Ladainian will get it going and now we can put that whole suspension debacle away and never speak of it again…
Highlight of the day was little Darren Sproles. This guy is going to score some touchdowns on some big returns. He single handedly provided excellent field position for us all the day long. Maybe it’s because he is fast, and he is, his legs look like a hummingbird on crack when he’s busting out. Or, maybe it’s because the opponents just can’t see the 5’6” (generosity is a virtue) frame at that speed. Either way, we are going to be doing the Sproles dance before too long. Shoot, now I need to make up a Sproles dance…
The road gets tougher from here as well. First, Denver next week. Can we handle them? Sure. Will they improve on that disaster that they had last week? Well, they kind of have to. I don’t even believe that Jake the Mistake can play that bad again. Should we win that game? Absolutely. No doubt about it. We lose that one and someone is going to have to get me a new t.v. because it will feel my wrath for broadcasting something that horrendous. Oh, and then it gets interesting with the east coast swing starting with little brother Manning. Their special teams were good, Eli was two picks short of a golden sombrero, and they managed to beat up on that barren desert squad. How the Zonie’s aren’t good must be accounted for by some level of supernatural interference. They have too much talent to… well, suck that bad. Then come the tough games against the playoff teams from last year. If we can start that swing 2-1 we should be in good shape. Somebody get me a rabbit’s foot or a lucky poker chip or something…
That’s it for now, more on the Ponies later in the week. Oh, and let’s issue a bulletin in the locker room on say Thursday, that is directed exclusively at the secondary. It reads:
Attention Members of the Charger Secondary:
-Don’t hold
-Don’t interfere
-SOMEBODY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COVER THE EFFING SLOT GUY!!!
It is at this point that we should revisit our opening day against the Cowgirls. I still have not totally accepted up to this point how they managed to beat us on our patch of grass. A crippled robot for a quarterback and a receiver who left his best days in South Central managed to reduce our secondary to a bad pop warner squad. How we didn’t manage to break the all time single game sack record against a quarterback who moves about as well side to side as my windshield wipers is beyond me. How did our much “improved” secondary make Keyshawn look like he could beat Willie Gault in a race? I guess it’s not that tough to worry about making difficult catches when no one is covering you. The only viable threat seemed to be Clayton, and he too got his fair share of the pigskin. Oh, and then there were the penalties. Pass interference was the special of the day, mix in a few personal fouls, and a couple of illegal contacts and some holds, and we had ourselves a five dollar lunchtime special out at the Murph. Game one jitters I say, and I am sticking to that.
The offense was less than spectacular and there are a few reasons that I will consider to be slightly valid. Dallas’ defense is fast. On a few plays it looked like some of their linebackers could get open against our secondary. And not to say that Roy Williams didn’t have a big day either. That guy can play, and he will let you know it every opportunity he gets. Ladainian couldn’t get it going against that defense with one of our major threats sitting sideline; whose only responsibility this day to make sure his hat stayed on his head properly. I know, I know, damn A.J. Smith for doing that to us, but I will not waver not even under the most extreme of pressures to find the fault in that situation with just one party. Just think if Mr. Gates had just gone to camp, got his contract, and then got his obligatory catches and scores. The 42 point prediction I made pre-game just might have come true. I fret not, Ladainian will get it going and now we can put that whole suspension debacle away and never speak of it again…
Highlight of the day was little Darren Sproles. This guy is going to score some touchdowns on some big returns. He single handedly provided excellent field position for us all the day long. Maybe it’s because he is fast, and he is, his legs look like a hummingbird on crack when he’s busting out. Or, maybe it’s because the opponents just can’t see the 5’6” (generosity is a virtue) frame at that speed. Either way, we are going to be doing the Sproles dance before too long. Shoot, now I need to make up a Sproles dance…
The road gets tougher from here as well. First, Denver next week. Can we handle them? Sure. Will they improve on that disaster that they had last week? Well, they kind of have to. I don’t even believe that Jake the Mistake can play that bad again. Should we win that game? Absolutely. No doubt about it. We lose that one and someone is going to have to get me a new t.v. because it will feel my wrath for broadcasting something that horrendous. Oh, and then it gets interesting with the east coast swing starting with little brother Manning. Their special teams were good, Eli was two picks short of a golden sombrero, and they managed to beat up on that barren desert squad. How the Zonie’s aren’t good must be accounted for by some level of supernatural interference. They have too much talent to… well, suck that bad. Then come the tough games against the playoff teams from last year. If we can start that swing 2-1 we should be in good shape. Somebody get me a rabbit’s foot or a lucky poker chip or something…
That’s it for now, more on the Ponies later in the week. Oh, and let’s issue a bulletin in the locker room on say Thursday, that is directed exclusively at the secondary. It reads:
Attention Members of the Charger Secondary:
-Don’t hold
-Don’t interfere
-SOMEBODY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COVER THE EFFING SLOT GUY!!!
Monday, September 12, 2005
We're Back...
First of all I would like to welcome myself back from a productive and positive hiatus from everything that is sporting event related here in San Diego. I also have to express my gratitude that the off season complete football blackout was fairly well adhered to and there were not too many mindless conversations during baseball season concerning the well being of the football team. It is and always will be a word beyond amazing to me how experts and mindless know it alls can convince themselves and others who will be the ultimate winner of the Super Bowl, sometime in mid-March. It’s baseball that allows me to avoid those meaningless distractions, and when your team is in first place, albeit by default, you can direct the talking points to something that matters. There is plenty of time to make Super Bowl predictions, and now is not the time. You can take your Colt loving, Patriot hating, Eagle bashing experts and tell them no matter how loud or long they shout about the winner of this year’s Super XL (not good roman numerals either) they have no idea what is going to happen. Ask Carolina and Kris Jenkins. Rafael Palmerio congressional statement period goes here.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the campaign for 28
football teams. Some had some extraordinary hardship to play through, and some of us thought that it would be fair and somewhat smart to try to capitalize financially on some of those teams. Needless to say that my thinking was not clear or concise and the Las Vegas Hilton has some of my money courtesy of Hurricane Katrina. I do not feel guilty about the play that I made, nor do I feel the sting of it’s loss, for I can find solace in knowing that the good folks in the soggy south had their team show up, play hard and walk away victorious in a most improbable situation. Congrats to the land of Beads and Jazz, a special delivery of fresh bags is on the way for next year when you are back on your feet.
It’s a good feeling to have San Diego football back. It will be a better feeling after I am able to stomach game one jitters and deal with all of the negativity that is being directed in a manner that I feel is rather one sided criticism aimed squarely at A.J. Smith. Mr. Smith didn’t cost us the football game any more than the penalties on the secondary would have helped us win it. Would having Mr. Gates on the field have made a difference in the game? Sure. I’d be a little less than inept if I said it wouldn’t have. But, choices were made by both parties, none of them very good, and we had a Gates free day at the Murph. We also had a win free day. Tough start to the ’05 campaign.
Quick recap, good to be back, good to have football back. Things will develop around here a bit quicker now that kickoff has become official. Keep on board Bolt folk. Keep on board.
Yesterday marked the beginning of the campaign for 28
football teams. Some had some extraordinary hardship to play through, and some of us thought that it would be fair and somewhat smart to try to capitalize financially on some of those teams. Needless to say that my thinking was not clear or concise and the Las Vegas Hilton has some of my money courtesy of Hurricane Katrina. I do not feel guilty about the play that I made, nor do I feel the sting of it’s loss, for I can find solace in knowing that the good folks in the soggy south had their team show up, play hard and walk away victorious in a most improbable situation. Congrats to the land of Beads and Jazz, a special delivery of fresh bags is on the way for next year when you are back on your feet.
It’s a good feeling to have San Diego football back. It will be a better feeling after I am able to stomach game one jitters and deal with all of the negativity that is being directed in a manner that I feel is rather one sided criticism aimed squarely at A.J. Smith. Mr. Smith didn’t cost us the football game any more than the penalties on the secondary would have helped us win it. Would having Mr. Gates on the field have made a difference in the game? Sure. I’d be a little less than inept if I said it wouldn’t have. But, choices were made by both parties, none of them very good, and we had a Gates free day at the Murph. We also had a win free day. Tough start to the ’05 campaign.
Quick recap, good to be back, good to have football back. Things will develop around here a bit quicker now that kickoff has become official. Keep on board Bolt folk. Keep on board.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
But you're not on The List...
Sometimes baseball is pretty amazing. Some will tell you that the 162 game season is ludicrously long. I might be convinced to agree with those who feel that way. But one of the greatest things about the baseball season is the fluctuations that are visible from time to time that make this game fun to watch. The Baseball Gods decide that they enjoy the weather in your town, they come in for a homestand, enjoy some sunshine and some scenery and they decide to hang out and throw a bit of a party.
Fortunately for us, a few weeks ago they chose San Diego. And the party has been in full swing for some time. The Lords of Win were having a regular dance party, keg swilling, full open bar in Vegas type debaucherous party right here in our town. The gold was flying, the girls were plentiful, and the times were good. Picture if you will something like the Playboy Mansion (only here). Out back where the Maxim sponsored open bars are scattered poolside near the Playmate of the Year selection stage, Hugh is out there ready to introduce the Black Eyed Peas as the entertainment for the evening for the guests of honor, the Lords of all things Padre. And the Lords are going to enjoy the show, and wins will be raining down from the pockets of the partygoers...
The party goes on and on. The bands are crankin the drinks are flowin the wins keep coming. A good time is being had by all, a great time. Things are happening that you never thought possible, everytime you think you'd seen it all, the little guy in the corner is talking up some lingerie model who is making obsence gestures with her hands, and your buddy's face is going to split like a grapefruit hitting the concrete any second if his smile gets any bigger. Anything is possible...
And the party goes on. It's getting late now, and more drinks are being spilled than consumed. Holy Lord of Baseball togas are getting soaked and stained with lipstick, jaeger, and the smell of beer soaked carpet, cigarrettes and stripper smelly juice dominates the party. People are short stepping to the bar to refill their whiskey, and the hot Maxim chick that pours drinks has her jacket on and is shivering. As she pours your drink you start to see things a bit fuzzy, calls start going your way, ugly things are starting to happen. The playmates look like they were in the magazine when you were in sixth grade. Your buddy in the corner has long since lost the lingerie model and is busy chatting up some b-list actress's little sister who looks like she cancelled her gym membership about a year's worth of parties ago. People are starting to get hurt and the Lords are starting to think about a toilet and a bed...
Now before everyone starts to leave they make one more pass by the jacuzzi area just to see if there are any stragglers that may still want to try to party on through this lull. Suddenly things begin to seem so much clearer. The fog lifts a bit and the crew realizes that this is in fact a good thing. Time for bed, avoid all of what is left in the room, nothing good is going to happen if this thing goes on any longer. Nobody wants to have to perform the coyote when this thing wears off, the headaches and nausea are going to have their way with the Lords...This is a good thing...
By the time the Lords awake and feel refreshed, August weather in San Diego should be very nice. The town should be ready to welcome the Gods from their slumber and start to show them a good time again. And believe me when I say, they will be ready to go. Right through September, making it look like the freshman dorm at your alma mater. October brings the big time, the Party will be a blowout, it'll make this first go round seem like a birthday party at the Chuck E. Cheese for five year old twins. And thats exactly when it needs to happen.
I have enjoyed the first festival that the Gods have had in our town for our guys. And if they need a bit of a recharged battery right about now, that's absolutely okay with me. But, I will be setting the alarm for August 15th, and they get one round of snooze.
Then we'll tap the kegs again. I'll run the tap...
Fortunately for us, a few weeks ago they chose San Diego. And the party has been in full swing for some time. The Lords of Win were having a regular dance party, keg swilling, full open bar in Vegas type debaucherous party right here in our town. The gold was flying, the girls were plentiful, and the times were good. Picture if you will something like the Playboy Mansion (only here). Out back where the Maxim sponsored open bars are scattered poolside near the Playmate of the Year selection stage, Hugh is out there ready to introduce the Black Eyed Peas as the entertainment for the evening for the guests of honor, the Lords of all things Padre. And the Lords are going to enjoy the show, and wins will be raining down from the pockets of the partygoers...
The party goes on and on. The bands are crankin the drinks are flowin the wins keep coming. A good time is being had by all, a great time. Things are happening that you never thought possible, everytime you think you'd seen it all, the little guy in the corner is talking up some lingerie model who is making obsence gestures with her hands, and your buddy's face is going to split like a grapefruit hitting the concrete any second if his smile gets any bigger. Anything is possible...
And the party goes on. It's getting late now, and more drinks are being spilled than consumed. Holy Lord of Baseball togas are getting soaked and stained with lipstick, jaeger, and the smell of beer soaked carpet, cigarrettes and stripper smelly juice dominates the party. People are short stepping to the bar to refill their whiskey, and the hot Maxim chick that pours drinks has her jacket on and is shivering. As she pours your drink you start to see things a bit fuzzy, calls start going your way, ugly things are starting to happen. The playmates look like they were in the magazine when you were in sixth grade. Your buddy in the corner has long since lost the lingerie model and is busy chatting up some b-list actress's little sister who looks like she cancelled her gym membership about a year's worth of parties ago. People are starting to get hurt and the Lords are starting to think about a toilet and a bed...
Now before everyone starts to leave they make one more pass by the jacuzzi area just to see if there are any stragglers that may still want to try to party on through this lull. Suddenly things begin to seem so much clearer. The fog lifts a bit and the crew realizes that this is in fact a good thing. Time for bed, avoid all of what is left in the room, nothing good is going to happen if this thing goes on any longer. Nobody wants to have to perform the coyote when this thing wears off, the headaches and nausea are going to have their way with the Lords...This is a good thing...
By the time the Lords awake and feel refreshed, August weather in San Diego should be very nice. The town should be ready to welcome the Gods from their slumber and start to show them a good time again. And believe me when I say, they will be ready to go. Right through September, making it look like the freshman dorm at your alma mater. October brings the big time, the Party will be a blowout, it'll make this first go round seem like a birthday party at the Chuck E. Cheese for five year old twins. And thats exactly when it needs to happen.
I have enjoyed the first festival that the Gods have had in our town for our guys. And if they need a bit of a recharged battery right about now, that's absolutely okay with me. But, I will be setting the alarm for August 15th, and they get one round of snooze.
Then we'll tap the kegs again. I'll run the tap...
Friday, May 20, 2005
You're Half Right.
I couldn't agree with you more on Congress. Last time I checked, this great country of ours was founded with the seperation of Sports and State in mind. Unfortunately (Devil's advocate, here), baseball has shown an uncanny ability to solve nothing on their own over the years. Too bad. Headache after headache after headache.
But Barry Bonds will eventually hobble his way out to the plate, I.V. or no I.V., and get his damn home run record, asterisk and all. Whether it be while occupying a reclining chair in right field at Frisco, or somewhere in the AL, he's gone too far, cheated too much, and put up with way too much scrutiny to throw it in now.
On to other things...
Thank goodness that annoying Mary Kay chick Tana didn't win the Apprentice. That woman's a psycho. By the way, it never ceases to amaze me when these contestants are constantly cutting the Donald off mid sentence. I don't know if you want to mess with that kind of ego.
Season finale of ER...meh. A lot less emotionally gripping than I'd expected. Carter's exit was almost like a sidebar. I liked the idea of him setting up the new recruits, except that these people have been on the show so long that it didn't really resonnate. Linda Cardellini's kid is just plain annoying (kids always ruin drama). Come to think of it, as much as I have a mad crush on her, Cardellini's entire storyline kind of blows. Luca has gone from being calm, cool and reserved to being over-the-top bland (Although I must admit the short speech he gave at Carter's farewell was probably the best "moment" of the episode. All in all, I give this one a thumb sideways. Probably should have had a helicopter crash into that deck. That's always good television.
On to annoying things...
My pitching is hurt, and I have way too many 1st basemen. My grip on second is tennuous at best. Maximum Colossus Extreme needs to step it up or this fantasy baseball season could slip away. But they are playing really good at home.
On to the most important things...
Tonight our Padres begin a road series against the hated Seattle Mariners. With the extraordinary Jake Peavy on the mound, coupled with the fact that we are facing our most hated of American League rivals, I think it's safe to say that the mighty Friars should pick up on this road trip, right where they left off on the home stand. Unbridled enthusiasm is the new cat tranquilizer. Go Padres!!!!!
But Barry Bonds will eventually hobble his way out to the plate, I.V. or no I.V., and get his damn home run record, asterisk and all. Whether it be while occupying a reclining chair in right field at Frisco, or somewhere in the AL, he's gone too far, cheated too much, and put up with way too much scrutiny to throw it in now.
On to other things...
Thank goodness that annoying Mary Kay chick Tana didn't win the Apprentice. That woman's a psycho. By the way, it never ceases to amaze me when these contestants are constantly cutting the Donald off mid sentence. I don't know if you want to mess with that kind of ego.
Season finale of ER...meh. A lot less emotionally gripping than I'd expected. Carter's exit was almost like a sidebar. I liked the idea of him setting up the new recruits, except that these people have been on the show so long that it didn't really resonnate. Linda Cardellini's kid is just plain annoying (kids always ruin drama). Come to think of it, as much as I have a mad crush on her, Cardellini's entire storyline kind of blows. Luca has gone from being calm, cool and reserved to being over-the-top bland (Although I must admit the short speech he gave at Carter's farewell was probably the best "moment" of the episode. All in all, I give this one a thumb sideways. Probably should have had a helicopter crash into that deck. That's always good television.
On to annoying things...
My pitching is hurt, and I have way too many 1st basemen. My grip on second is tennuous at best. Maximum Colossus Extreme needs to step it up or this fantasy baseball season could slip away. But they are playing really good at home.
On to the most important things...
Tonight our Padres begin a road series against the hated Seattle Mariners. With the extraordinary Jake Peavy on the mound, coupled with the fact that we are facing our most hated of American League rivals, I think it's safe to say that the mighty Friars should pick up on this road trip, right where they left off on the home stand. Unbridled enthusiasm is the new cat tranquilizer. Go Padres!!!!!
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
It Just Gets Better And Better.
Sweep-sweep. Bye-bye Florida. Bye-bye Atlanta. The Padres just put away game three against the Braves to extend their exemplory play as of late. Another solid outing from Adam Eaton, coupled with an offensive flurry from Khalil Greene (2-4, 2 HR, 6 RBI) and topped off with another save by Trevor Hoffman, spells hottest team in baseball to me. We truly own Petco now. Time to keep it up on the road boys. Fantastic! Go Padres!!!!!
Well, I'm Gonna Talk some !@#$.
First and foremost, hats off to Darrell May, who has taken a lot of criticism from this would be sports authority. 5 solid innings last night is something to be proud of. Didn't figure in the decision, but certainly a factor in the outcome. Secondly, a big attaboy to the world's most boring Padre, Khalil Greene. Let me quantify that. Greeney is nothing short of electrifying on the field, but seriously San Diego sports media, leave this guy alone. It's torture for him and it's torture for us, okay? Let him hit the showers while you talk to Nevin or Giles or anybody else who doesn't look like they just swallowed a bug when they get on camera.
Now for the crap talk. Time to get back on my favorite subject. This country's love/hate affair with the filthy, filthy Yankees. Wow, 10 in a row! That definitely qualifies them for top billing in every major newspaper and on all the big sports web sites. No disputing that...Unless, you look a little closer and notice that all of those wins have come against a grand total of two-count them, two-teams. And what two American League powerhouses have the Yankees chosen to smite in a show of their supreme dominance? Why, the mighty Oakland Athletics and the stalwart Seattle Mariners. For those of you who don't know, those two juggernauts are locked in an epic battle to determine who doesn't suck the most in their division. It's a testament to the leadership and blue collar talent of the meager Yankees that they are able to take the fight out of such potent enemies. Seriously, though, it's too bad the Red Sox and the Cubs don't get 10 game stretches against the A's and the Mariners (Who are, by the way, the Padres arch rivals in the American League. Did you know that?). Then every sports columnist in the country could grace us with their multiple literary orgasms.
Last time I checked, the Padres went from a record of 9-13 to 24-16, facing teams like St. Louis, Arizona, Florida and Atlanta along the way. Not too shabby, but all I see on the web are the crappy AP stories. No praise. Nothing. Hell, the Dodgers still place above them on most peoples power rankings. I don't mean to be greedy for praise, but you know if this team falls back down to Earth we're going to hear about it. Oh well, screw it. I guess I wouldn't mind flying in under the radar for a little while longer.
You're making us proud and happy, Padres. Thanks. So, let's keep it up and finish off these Braves in high fashion. But beware, cause you know who's next up for their shot at the big dogs? That's right, those smarmy Mariners. Ooh, they make me so mad with their nautical theme. Just like that bastard, the Gordon's Fisherman. Smug prick! Go Padres!!!!!
Now for the crap talk. Time to get back on my favorite subject. This country's love/hate affair with the filthy, filthy Yankees. Wow, 10 in a row! That definitely qualifies them for top billing in every major newspaper and on all the big sports web sites. No disputing that...Unless, you look a little closer and notice that all of those wins have come against a grand total of two-count them, two-teams. And what two American League powerhouses have the Yankees chosen to smite in a show of their supreme dominance? Why, the mighty Oakland Athletics and the stalwart Seattle Mariners. For those of you who don't know, those two juggernauts are locked in an epic battle to determine who doesn't suck the most in their division. It's a testament to the leadership and blue collar talent of the meager Yankees that they are able to take the fight out of such potent enemies. Seriously, though, it's too bad the Red Sox and the Cubs don't get 10 game stretches against the A's and the Mariners (Who are, by the way, the Padres arch rivals in the American League. Did you know that?). Then every sports columnist in the country could grace us with their multiple literary orgasms.
Last time I checked, the Padres went from a record of 9-13 to 24-16, facing teams like St. Louis, Arizona, Florida and Atlanta along the way. Not too shabby, but all I see on the web are the crappy AP stories. No praise. Nothing. Hell, the Dodgers still place above them on most peoples power rankings. I don't mean to be greedy for praise, but you know if this team falls back down to Earth we're going to hear about it. Oh well, screw it. I guess I wouldn't mind flying in under the radar for a little while longer.
You're making us proud and happy, Padres. Thanks. So, let's keep it up and finish off these Braves in high fashion. But beware, cause you know who's next up for their shot at the big dogs? That's right, those smarmy Mariners. Ooh, they make me so mad with their nautical theme. Just like that bastard, the Gordon's Fisherman. Smug prick! Go Padres!!!!!
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
Damn Yankees!
It figures, that as the Padres experience, quite possibly, their best baseball since the 1998 squad, that the Yankees-who dealt the the '98 squad their ultimate demise-would go ahead and do their best to steal our thunder. As our Padres go ahead and beat up on National League heavyweights like Florida and St. Louis, the Yanks go out and string together nine straight wins. Typical. Sadly, you and I both know that the Yankees probably know the Padres as well as Johnny Damon does, which just adds insult to injury. In my opinion, however, the Yankees might just do well to get to know us. Talk about teams on a parallel. At the beginning of the season, both teams were widely picked to represent their divisions in the post season, and then, up until a couple of weeks ago, both teams were in an utter state of confusion. Unable to score runs or get outs, fans on opposite ends of the country were sharing a common sentiment. Heads need to roll. Now comparing the Padres, who have wallowed in ineptitude for the better part of a decade, to the Yankees may be a stretch. After all, even though they were picked left and right to be a team on the come, the Friars were ultimately not expected to compete too heavily outside of their division. The Yankees were obviously expected to continue to battle Johnny Damon's boys for Most Annoying Team of the Century So Far-oh wait, I mean the American League Pennant. But wouldn't it be something? I know this team is not the '98 team. Only two of those guys remain, the magnificent Trevor Hoffman and the oh so clutch bench favorite Mark Sweeney. But wouldn't the fans and the front office love another crack at the team that denied so many of us the opportunity to see our team live at a World Series game? I had tickets to game five, people! I know it's early. I know Karmically that it is bad form to talk World Series (Especially considering some of my earlier takes on the team). Just let me dream a liitle bit. Go ahead and try it yourself, its pretty sweet.
Great game against the Braves last night (Another team that often has our number). I really like the way this Stauffer kid keeps his composure. Birth of hope, people, birth of hope. Just one word of advice for the young man. Take every pitch. Your swing is frightening.
On an unrelated note that will only mean something to a few of you: How many OMBAC members do you suppose own custom wooden softball bat companies? I mean seriously, is their such a thing as a wooden softball bat? All evidence so far points to no. Scam! Or as my cohort would say, "I call Shennanigans!"
Go Padres!!!!
Great game against the Braves last night (Another team that often has our number). I really like the way this Stauffer kid keeps his composure. Birth of hope, people, birth of hope. Just one word of advice for the young man. Take every pitch. Your swing is frightening.
On an unrelated note that will only mean something to a few of you: How many OMBAC members do you suppose own custom wooden softball bat companies? I mean seriously, is their such a thing as a wooden softball bat? All evidence so far points to no. Scam! Or as my cohort would say, "I call Shennanigans!"
Go Padres!!!!
Monday, May 16, 2005
I Just Want To Be First.
I'm a believer. Wow, what a weekend for the Padres. Sure, they didn't have to face the red hot Dontrell Willis, but they didn't exactly go up against a bunch of slouches, either. The first two games were definitely tight pitching match-ups, featuring a return to Cy Young type form from the inexorable Jake Peavy. Yesterday, though, I would have swore this team would fold up like Padres teams of the past and take the loss after giving up 4 in the 6th. I might never have been so wrong. What a 7th inning. 10 runs against a top tier team. You couldn't have sold me that if I had a double coupon. Way to go guys, let's keep it up against the Braves. More later. Go Padres!!!! (They earned an unprecedented 4th "!" this weekend.)
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