But you're not on The List...

Sometimes baseball is pretty amazing. Some will tell you that the 162 game season is ludicrously long. I might be convinced to agree with those who feel that way. But one of the greatest things about the baseball season is the fluctuations that are visible from time to time that make this game fun to watch. The Baseball Gods decide that they enjoy the weather in your town, they come in for a homestand, enjoy some sunshine and some scenery and they decide to hang out and throw a bit of a party.

Fortunately for us, a few weeks ago they chose San Diego. And the party has been in full swing for some time. The Lords of Win were having a regular dance party, keg swilling, full open bar in Vegas type debaucherous party right here in our town. The gold was flying, the girls were plentiful, and the times were good. Picture if you will something like the Playboy Mansion (only here). Out back where the Maxim sponsored open bars are scattered poolside near the Playmate of the Year selection stage, Hugh is out there ready to introduce the Black Eyed Peas as the entertainment for the evening for the guests of honor, the Lords of all things Padre. And the Lords are going to enjoy the show, and wins will be raining down from the pockets of the partygoers...

The party goes on and on. The bands are crankin the drinks are flowin the wins keep coming. A good time is being had by all, a great time. Things are happening that you never thought possible, everytime you think you'd seen it all, the little guy in the corner is talking up some lingerie model who is making obsence gestures with her hands, and your buddy's face is going to split like a grapefruit hitting the concrete any second if his smile gets any bigger. Anything is possible...

And the party goes on. It's getting late now, and more drinks are being spilled than consumed. Holy Lord of Baseball togas are getting soaked and stained with lipstick, jaeger, and the smell of beer soaked carpet, cigarrettes and stripper smelly juice dominates the party. People are short stepping to the bar to refill their whiskey, and the hot Maxim chick that pours drinks has her jacket on and is shivering. As she pours your drink you start to see things a bit fuzzy, calls start going your way, ugly things are starting to happen. The playmates look like they were in the magazine when you were in sixth grade. Your buddy in the corner has long since lost the lingerie model and is busy chatting up some b-list actress's little sister who looks like she cancelled her gym membership about a year's worth of parties ago. People are starting to get hurt and the Lords are starting to think about a toilet and a bed...

Now before everyone starts to leave they make one more pass by the jacuzzi area just to see if there are any stragglers that may still want to try to party on through this lull. Suddenly things begin to seem so much clearer. The fog lifts a bit and the crew realizes that this is in fact a good thing. Time for bed, avoid all of what is left in the room, nothing good is going to happen if this thing goes on any longer. Nobody wants to have to perform the coyote when this thing wears off, the headaches and nausea are going to have their way with the Lords...This is a good thing...

By the time the Lords awake and feel refreshed, August weather in San Diego should be very nice. The town should be ready to welcome the Gods from their slumber and start to show them a good time again. And believe me when I say, they will be ready to go. Right through September, making it look like the freshman dorm at your alma mater. October brings the big time, the Party will be a blowout, it'll make this first go round seem like a birthday party at the Chuck E. Cheese for five year old twins. And thats exactly when it needs to happen.

I have enjoyed the first festival that the Gods have had in our town for our guys. And if they need a bit of a recharged battery right about now, that's absolutely okay with me. But, I will be setting the alarm for August 15th, and they get one round of snooze.

Then we'll tap the kegs again. I'll run the tap...