Week One Done...

Reflecting after being a few days removed from what is not what you would like to call an ideal start to the 2005 Bolt season, we find ourselves in the awesome position of being an 0-1 team in what I will continue to perceive as an improved division. With the notable exception of the Broncos taking a Dolphin induced turd down in Miami, the competition is doing its impression of the division of years past. Kansas City looked what can only be described as better in their grounding of the Jets. How much of that was the Chiefs running game versus the fraternity president Mr. Chad Pennington’s notable failures (of which there were six!!) is still to be seen. But from my seat, it looked like the Chiefers, at least after week number one were yet to bring Mr. Vermiel to tears. I won’t say it yet, my vocal chords and fingers have revolted and will not allow me to put in print that the Silver and Black Halloweenies definitely were present during their contest with the Pats. And that is as far as I am going to pursue that thought…

It is at this point that we should revisit our opening day against the Cowgirls. I still have not totally accepted up to this point how they managed to beat us on our patch of grass. A crippled robot for a quarterback and a receiver who left his best days in South Central managed to reduce our secondary to a bad pop warner squad. How we didn’t manage to break the all time single game sack record against a quarterback who moves about as well side to side as my windshield wipers is beyond me. How did our much “improved” secondary make Keyshawn look like he could beat Willie Gault in a race? I guess it’s not that tough to worry about making difficult catches when no one is covering you. The only viable threat seemed to be Clayton, and he too got his fair share of the pigskin. Oh, and then there were the penalties. Pass interference was the special of the day, mix in a few personal fouls, and a couple of illegal contacts and some holds, and we had ourselves a five dollar lunchtime special out at the Murph. Game one jitters I say, and I am sticking to that.

The offense was less than spectacular and there are a few reasons that I will consider to be slightly valid. Dallas’ defense is fast. On a few plays it looked like some of their linebackers could get open against our secondary. And not to say that Roy Williams didn’t have a big day either. That guy can play, and he will let you know it every opportunity he gets. Ladainian couldn’t get it going against that defense with one of our major threats sitting sideline; whose only responsibility this day to make sure his hat stayed on his head properly. I know, I know, damn A.J. Smith for doing that to us, but I will not waver not even under the most extreme of pressures to find the fault in that situation with just one party. Just think if Mr. Gates had just gone to camp, got his contract, and then got his obligatory catches and scores. The 42 point prediction I made pre-game just might have come true. I fret not, Ladainian will get it going and now we can put that whole suspension debacle away and never speak of it again…

Highlight of the day was little Darren Sproles. This guy is going to score some touchdowns on some big returns. He single handedly provided excellent field position for us all the day long. Maybe it’s because he is fast, and he is, his legs look like a hummingbird on crack when he’s busting out. Or, maybe it’s because the opponents just can’t see the 5’6” (generosity is a virtue) frame at that speed. Either way, we are going to be doing the Sproles dance before too long. Shoot, now I need to make up a Sproles dance…

The road gets tougher from here as well. First, Denver next week. Can we handle them? Sure. Will they improve on that disaster that they had last week? Well, they kind of have to. I don’t even believe that Jake the Mistake can play that bad again. Should we win that game? Absolutely. No doubt about it. We lose that one and someone is going to have to get me a new t.v. because it will feel my wrath for broadcasting something that horrendous. Oh, and then it gets interesting with the east coast swing starting with little brother Manning. Their special teams were good, Eli was two picks short of a golden sombrero, and they managed to beat up on that barren desert squad. How the Zonie’s aren’t good must be accounted for by some level of supernatural interference. They have too much talent to… well, suck that bad. Then come the tough games against the playoff teams from last year. If we can start that swing 2-1 we should be in good shape. Somebody get me a rabbit’s foot or a lucky poker chip or something…

That’s it for now, more on the Ponies later in the week. Oh, and let’s issue a bulletin in the locker room on say Thursday, that is directed exclusively at the secondary. It reads:

Attention Members of the Charger Secondary:

-Don’t hold
-Don’t interfere
-SOMEBODY FOR THE LOVE OF GOD COVER THE EFFING SLOT GUY!!!