Predictably Predictable...

Entering the bye week break now has my brain unmercifully recounting the season to this point. What things do I like? What things do I like not? What are we good at? What are we bad at? I keep coming up with these thoughts and there is no shelter from the one common theme, and what I am deeming detrimental to the team and my psyche. This is the thing that continues to be as disturbing as Phil Mickelson’s man boobs, frightening sight to say the least, yet no one can rip their stare away. My main concern, and that of many others as well that has been the signature of the team all of the season long? The coaching of course. And why is this important? Well, I wish to say that it is time for everyone to stop complaining about the coaching staff. Why, you say? Well, we in fact deserve this hot and cold, feast or famine, heartbreakingly terrible season of fourth quarter meltdowns...

“Martyball”, has for the better part of two seasons become a curse word in my circle. There are some that will proclaim that they are apologists for this travesty that has plagued numerous NFL cities since the 80’s. Even my cohort here will say as recently as two days ago that he is/was a member of this community. And there is nothing wrong with this. Marty Schottenheimer has been successful as a football coach. Obviously what he does works to a certain degree. He takes talented programs to the playoffs where he ultimately and now famously underachieves. His ultra-uber-sickeningly conservative style has fostered a popular opinion that he holds his teams and their collective success in his hands and squeezes the risk out of them at the expense of any potential reward. His ‘don’t beat yourself’ style ultimately results in beating yourself (not in the good way) and there are any number of examples of this that can be used as evidence of this from any of our losses this season, last season’s playoff game, the season before that, his days in Kansas City stretching all the way back to Cleveland Version 1.0. ‘Martyball’ has become not just a description of his style of coaching, but a punch line in the NFL. Even 97 year old Dick Enberg on Sunday as the predictable appearance of the cursed word reared its ugly head yet again, bellowed out a laughingly hearty “MAAAARRRTTTYYYBBAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLL” during the fourth quarter. It was at that moment that I realized that we deserve this cardiac brand of football. Everything that takes place on that field should be expected. The ungodly predictability of the fourth quarter schemes when leading, almost leads me to believe that teams are smart enough to know to fall behind for three quarters so that they can turn to their game plan that is the calculated answer to “Martyball”. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time. It’s the same formula every time (a little like that, but in the context of a football game). In Cleveland, in Kansas City, and now here. It’s ‘Groundhog Day’ for our football team.

We are a young, aggressive football team. I would hesitate to say that we are the most powerful, most polished, most like ‘Peyton and the Dreamweavers’ darlings of the NFL. We’re not. We are a very powerful offensive team. We play our best football being aggressive on that side of the ball. We can score with anyone in this league. There are moments out on that field where I am convinced that there is no team in the NFL that can stop us from scoring every time we have the ball. Up until that point when the scoreboard reads four under the category marked quarter that aggression and dominance is reeled in like a marlin in Cabo by those who wear the electric earmuffs. Their late game plan is no secret. It shouldn’t be to anyone here on planet earth. My question is why is anyone still surprised when the inevitability of “Martyball” shows up? What, you didn’t know it was coming? You didn’t think it would happen again? You were secretly hoping and praying and making deals with God that you would never litter his precious earth again with anything not fantastically biodegradable if Marty would just put that thing away? Not ever going to happen kids, so we might as well just deal with it. Complaining about “Martyball” (Let it be known that this will be forever the last time you see this word put in print by me) is like getting all upset that you didn’t get taller or heavier in the shorts when the sun came up. After all, this is not a new phenomenon, I am pretty sure that if Mr. Schottenheimer hasn’t changed his style by now, well, I think you know how this plays out. So, enough complaining, it’s time for all of that to end. We know it’s going to happen again. We know when it’s going to happen. We know how it is going to happen. All that we can do is hope that it is not yet another critical situation when “it” happens again. And there is no room for surprise, shock or complaints when our coach coaches the way that he always has. It will be the same, until someone somewhere decides that it's time to move out of the Schottenheimer era. Until then we can all collectively shut the hell up...