What a pleasant surprise. I mean, it's a great show and all, but I can only take so many Thursday night Community reruns, so football just couldn't come at a better time. And what a fine match-up to foist upon the viewing masses to open the season. New Orleans vs. Minnesota in a rematch of the hotly contested NFC Championship game from earlier this year. Oh man, have I been waiting to see these two teams hit the gridiron again. Of course, I could've waited a few more weeks. You know, until both teams had shaken off the rust of preseason. Most teams don't really come into themselves fully until about week 4, so I suppose I could've waited until then to see this match-up. But, you know what? Fuck me. Nobody in football cares what I think. And nobody in football cares what any of you think either. So are you ready for some football?!!!
I don't know how sloppy this game will be, but there is no way both of these teams perform at the same level they will later in the season, and that is why we all get kind of hosed here. The good news is, several months from now when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, the paid pundits will try to go back and use this match-up as some kind of criteria to predict the outcome. Which will be hilarious, because most of those guys are fucking retarded. This game will present no evidence for them and it will drive them insane. They will side with the Superbowl winners if they win tonight. And they will side with the Superbowl winners if they lose tonight, but with the caveat that Minnesota could pull the game off since they won the season opener. And for tonight's game, they will all pick New Orleans because they won the last game. See, this is why most people in "the biz" will tell you they miss dynasties. Because when there were dynasties, ex-jocks who sit behind a desk and try to look smart about football didn't have to think too much. Thinking causes pain to the concussion center of the brain.
Anyway, blah, blah, blah I think otherwise, because I am actually from Minnesota originally, which obviously gives me valuable insight no one else can possibly fathom. Oh, you wan't analysis? Fine, how about this? Fuck New Orleans and their tragedy center of the United States bullshit! And I don't have a hard-on for Brees-us either. I saw him way back when you know? Adrain Peterson is a stud, fumblitis and all! And Brett Favre is the fucking Champion of being annoying, so what would be more annoying than if he continued to play at a high level? Nothing.
Take it to the bank! And then rob the bank, because you probably just lost all your money if you bet based on what I just told you. Go football!!!