It's going to be my coconspirator after this post.
Ahh, baseball is almost hear. I can already taste the hot dogs and cold beer at Petco Park. The sun shining down on the ballpark, the crack of the bat. It all seems so real already as I sit here listening to Hall of Fame broadcaster Jerry Coleman and beach bum Tim Flannery call one of the last games of the Cactus league. Man I can't wait for my team to take the field. I'm excited about this group. Strong pitching and some powerful bats. I think this team has a shot at the whole thing. That's right, my fantasy team is tight, yo!
Of course I jest. My fantasy team isn't bad, but it is certainly a reflection of the fact that I didn't bother to show up for the fantasy draft and didn't even rank my picks. Sure I got some solid performers in guys like Roger Clemens, Carlos Zambrano and Alfonso Soriano. And there are some that I figure to have big years after being a bit of a disappointment last year, like Derek Jeter. I expect Richie Sexson to come back as hot as he went out at the beginning of last year. All in all, a pretty sweet group. I think I can turn them into winners.
And I'll tell you what else I think. I think I was wrong about Barry Bonds. I know for a fact now that he won't be back this year. Because I got him. That's right, my autodraft wasted a pick on old melon head. Somebody legalize steroids, quick. Oh sweet irony what a douche you are!
I've managed to avoid the temptation to pick up Ryan Klesko off the waiver wire. Some of you may wonder why, seeing as I bet on him to have a rather productive year. It's because, in the world of sports, I a "cooler."
If I were to draft Klesko, it would doom him to a career low in all major batting categories. 9 home runs? Yeah right, that would become a sisyphean task. Bam! Sisyphean! In your face vocabulary! Didn't think I had it in me, did you?! Sorry, tangent.
Anyway, in case you're curious, and because I intend to really piss off my pen pal with occasional updates, meet my fantasy team, Max Colossus Extreme.
C - J. Estrada (I think the J is for Jorge, maybe Johnny)
1B - Aubrey Huff
2B - Alfonso Soriano (Probably Autodraft 2005's first pick. Would have been mine too. Way to go Autodraft!)
SS - Derek Jeter
3B - Juan Uribe (Whatever. My only 3B is a bit of a worry. Monster season please)
OF - Miguel Cabrera
OF - Johnny Damon (On the same team as Derek Jeter? Fantasy teams will lead to world peace, I say)
OF - Shawn Green
OF - Milton Bradley (Milton Bradley? Come on! I'm noticing a bit of a power vaccum in my outfield)
Utility - Richie Sexson (Seriously, he was leading the league in homers last year)
SP - Roger Clemens
SP - Carlos Zambrano
SP - Roy Halladay
SP - Chris Carpenter (Hmm. Two career seasons in a row, maybe? Or something from John Carpenter?)
SP - Odalis Perez (Another freaking Dodger?)
SP - Livan Hernandez (Go Nationals! Irony again?)
RP - Francisco Rodriguez (Not sold on him)
RP - S. Takatsu (I remember picking this guy up last year. Not so great. My Relief pitching sucks!)
Barry Bonds (My favorite player and the best to ever play the game. I've always felt this way about him)
Jeff Kendall ( He sprays it around)
J. Westbrook (No idea)
Ted Lilly (What? Canada still has a baseball team? Let's move these guys to Puerto Rico already)
So, them's the boys. Go me!!!