Wednesday, February 07, 2007
That Bus Didn't Hurt at all When it Ran Me Over...
Okay, okay. I know. Sometimes I speak from the heart and not the head, and even when I do use the meager power within my skull it still sometimes comes off like a retarded puppy is making the decisions in my brain. So, I'll have to be accepting of my fate for 2007 when it does come to Charger time.
During the Super Bowl that after yet more reflection we still weren't a part of and still didn't win, I in fact mentioned on more than one occasion that our team was dead to me. The reaction among others to that statement was one of disbelief, cause really, how many of us are out there weekly writing about the exploits of this team for 6 people to read. Emotion was obviously running wild and I fell prey to the reactionary decision making process that even management subscribed to (more on that in the 'Review' post that's coming soon I swear). So upon my rash statement, the superfans that I surround myself with jumped all over me, Max leading the charge, and started stuffing contracts in my face which I was happy to scribble my 'X' on validating my 'dead to me' statement. In hindsight it probably wasn't one of my better decisions, but it certainly wasn't the worst. If you don't know what kind of bad decisions I'm capable of, then you obviously don't know me at all you sickos.
My lawyer has advised me to restate my position, so I'm retracting my statement, sort of. This team as it sits right now is dead to me. My doctor advised me in my annual checkup, and no, we're not at 'finger in butthole' checkups yet, that continuing to pour all my heart and soul into a football team is a bad idea. And he's a smart guy. So, I swore off of the team. That contract wouldn't hold up in any court anyway.
My new amended position is this: The team as it sits right now is dead to me. Management is dead to me. The coaches are dead to me. And there is a long, long, list of players that are dead to me. I, in fact called my mom after the game and told her to burn my prized autographed picture of me and Dan Fouts taken at a bank in Mission Valley when I was 4 years old. Thankfully, my mom ignores most of the drivel that spews from my chewing hole. As most of you should if you aren't doing so already.
If nothing changes that I deem worthy of putting a quality product on the field in 2007, my position will remain the same. If some of those aformentioned 'dead' personnel are still donning uniforms come September, the team will be dead to me. As it sits now, I've sacrificed like a virgin in a Pagan ritual, my ability to care about the current squad. I will not watch them should things remain the same.
So, now I will sit and wait for the vitriol to spew. This retraction will not be received well I promise. Should that be the case, and things change to my satisfaction, I'll take my throat punches. I'm sure it won't be that bad as everyone I know save one or two people who don't know about the contract hit like limp wristed girly bitches anyway. At the very least it'll make for some excitement. Should throat punches occur, let it be known they will be videotaped and you lucky folk will see the full director's cut here.
Oh, and Terrance Kiel is fucked. Oh, and Shawne, just sit out the Pro Bowl, would ya?