Friday, February 23, 2007

An Open Letter

Dear Mr. Canepa,

This piece of yours is the most poignantly written expression of massion* I have ever bourne witness too. It paints a portrait in my mind’s eye of Chargers GM AJ Smith as a true American hero, standing proudly and defiantly against those who would oppose his virtue and grace. I found myself nodding furiously along with your observation that:

“It took some spine to hire a coach with a losing record to take over a 14-2 team.”

A lot of people would have replaced the word “spine” with something along the lines of “egomaniacal fascism” or even “horse tranquilizers,” but not you Mr.Canepa. You’ve been in the business too long not to recognize a move like that as nothing more than a pure display of unflappable cajones. I imagine you wouldn’t have too much trouble recognizing AJs beanbag, what with it resting ever so gently on your cheek most hours of the day. Don’t be angry, Mr. Canepa, that wasn’t meant to be a jab. That was pure envy. I only wish I could find myself in the naked presence of GM AJ Smith. This part made me quiver:

““I'm not happy or sad,” he says. “It's not personal. It's strictly business.” Nothing like John Wayne ending the conversation with a quote from Michael Corleone.”

I hope you were wearing a diaper for that one. If it were me, things would have gotten messy.

In closing, let me thank you for pointing out the smooth call AJ made in hiring his new coaching staff that likely isn’t any worse than the old coaching staff.:

"Is it comfortable? Sure. It's Turner's offense. Ted Cottrell has been brought in to coordinate a 3-4 defense he's run since he was a child."

Being Neanderthal man in terms of football knowledge, I was unaware that sameness is what teams strive for. You are truly a giver of wisdom and truth. Of course, you did mention new wrinkles. I’m all atwitter. Here’s looking forward to another glorious year of Boltness. I can’t believe it’s seven months away!

Yours truly,
Maximum Colossus

*massion is man+passion you insufferable jerk-off

1 comment:

Blogust said...

Awesome post. :-)