Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Apparently, We Beat the Chiefs on Sunday. Also, Screw the Patriots!

Sunday's Dismantling of the Chiefs

I probably should have wrote something about this Chargers victory yesterday or Sunday night, but you people don't sign my paychecks. In fact, no one does. But I try to cash them every week anyway.

So, the Chargers beat up on the hapless Brodie Croyle and the "predictably bending under the pressure of trying to win their first division title in too many years to count and/or look up" Chiefs on Sunday. A must win game for us and what I would think was a must "at least show up if we want people to believe we are good enough to compete in the bigs" game for them. Well, we won. If you'd like a baseball parable, there is a solid chance that in this scenario we are the Frisco VaGiants and the Chiefs are sputtering Padres. Yeah, sure, Matt Cassel was out, but fuck that guy. I don't buy him one bit. The running game is what makes the Chiefs go around and it was non-existent against a Chargers defense that got steamrolled by the Raiders the week before. Good effort, Bolts. We may be on our way to another enormous postseason letdown after all!

My sometimes cohort, CJ, says we're going to end up losing to the Bengals in two weeks, to which I have two short replies:

1) If you have been watching the Bengals play football at all this year then you know just how ridiculous that prediction is.

B) That is a foolish prediction to make, because now if the Bengals somehow manage to beat the Chargers, I will be forced to kill you, CJ. Just a major faux pas on your part there, muchacho.

The real worry here should be this Thursday night's game against the 49ers. In case you haven't been paying attention the NFC West has been beating us up a bit this year. Well, not the Cardinals, but the real upper level squads* over there have been handling us. And don't look now, but the 49ers just hung 40 on the Seahawks. Now, for personal reasons such as the fact that I hate the fucking Seahwaks with the white hot passion of a thousands suns, I found this to be a rather charming outburst of competency from the filthy Niners. Outside of that, however, that game should stand as a warning to our team that we should probably not make a trend of assuming teams from the Bay Area cannot hand us our shit from time to time.

Oh, and here's another warning for our players. Stay the fuck away from Bar West. First off, that place is fucking awful. Secondly, it's a sad fact that this is one of the few, if not the only places in the country where the hometown football team can't go out and celebrate a victory without having some douchebag Raiders, Patriots, Niners or Jets fan trying to pick a fight with them. Seriously, stick to the few bars that actually cater to people that would beat up the other teams' fans for you. They're not easy to find, but they're out there, I promise. Hit me up in the comments if you need a list. Also, no bars with bottle service. If you are allowed to hold the bottle, the temptation is just too great.

Anyway, I like our chances on Thursday, because I have no choice and because I can't believe a team helmed by Alex Smith and without Frank Gore is capable of doing much of anything against anyone but the Seahawks. Let's keep this train a rollin' fellas.

The Damn Patriots

Now, about those Patriots. As I've mentioned before, the sports media loves it's dynasties. Makes it so much easier to be a pundit, and it's why they can never truly let go of the Cowboys and 49ers. They long for those halcyon days and they secretly pine for the end of the salary cap so they can all go back to stating the obvious and patting each other on the backs for doing so. Right now, the dynasty du jour is the Patriots. The Patriots are special because they are the only dynasty to have achieved their status during the cap era. Sure, there may have been some cheating, but they were a dynasty nonetheless. So, as they put up another solid season and manage to string together a couple of impressive blowouts it is a popular stance to crown them Kings of the World!

The Jets win is impressive. No one does that to the Jets defense and no one is likely to do it again for a long time, but stranger things have happened. As for the Jets offensive woes, it's not that hard to see what has happened there either. When Santonio Holmes returned to the line-up, the team took their extra receiver and used it to spread the field a bit for Mark Sanchez, taking away a blocker for LaDainian Tomlinson whose numbers then gradually declined to the point now where he is basically ineffective in the running game. That should be pretty obvious to any Chargers fans who are paying attention to the Jets. Shonne Green hasn't been nearly as effective in limited work as the team had hoped he'd be and could probably also benefit from an additional blocker. The offense is now, for all intents and purposes, one dimensional. This spotlights the one concern everybody had going into the season, and that is Mark Sanchez. He's a good young player-and it certainly doesn't help his cause when guys are dropping game winners against Miami in the endzone-but that's a lot of pressure to put on him. Still, I give the Pats credit for that impressive victory. Shit happens.

Now, let's talk about that other blowout victory. The Bears? Fuck the Bears! That team is a filthy lie and everybody knows it! They are not nearly as good as their record indicates and when bad teams play in the snow it just exaggerates their badness!! God, they make me sick! The Patriots are a good snow team and they picked on a bad team in the snow! No credit! Fuck the Pats! They are totally overrated! Fin.

Go Bolts!!!

*I hope you can tell I'm using sarasm when I refer to NFC West teams as upper level. In case you can't, here you go, idiot.

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