Monday, November 05, 2007

Hurray Football.

There’s a bright side. At least we don’t have to wait another week to find out what kind of a team we really are. We are a Craptastic Voyage through the intricate inner workings of Sucktown. I could’ve stayed home and wrote concerto if I had any idea how to or even what one of those was. Looks like Mexican for concert. I don’t even want to fire open the newspaper this morning as I’m not sure how to fire open my computer monitor, but more because I’m sure Nick Canepa already has a riveting column up about how Norv Turner and his coaching staff are unable to gel with their young quarterback, make adjustments or generally wield the assortment of offensive ass-kickery that Super GM AJ Smith has laid out before them. Then there’s some sort of John Wayne quote from AJ himself, like, “Well, Pilgrim, some heads are gonna roll. It’s time to shit or eat beef stew,” or whatever a cowboy says when he’s really just wondering whether Bill Cowher might keep him on as a ballboy scout next year.

We got demolished by a team with exactly one actual weapon and one of the worst pass defenses in the league. Joke’s on Peterson, though, because he has to look at that 296 in the record books for however long it takes before he finally breaks 300. Honestly, I really wouldn’t have minded at the end there if whoever the hell Brad Childress is had just let the kid run for four more yards. If AP has any kind of OCD he’ll rip his fingernails out over that one. Also, interesting to find out that apparently Luis Castillo made every single tackle for our defense before he was injured on Sunday, because I don't think we made any after he left. Although I did see AP slip on the turf a couple of times. Don't be so eager, kid, sometimes you just have to let the end zone come to you.

The scariest thing is this: There is so much suckery in the AFC right now that we could still very easily make it into the playoffs and actually win a game or even two before the eventual beating by the Colts or Pats. Then AJ could actually stand in front of the media and, with a straight face, say that this has been the most productive Charger team during his tenure while Canepa hides in the podium and reenacts a classic scene from Police Academy.

Without further adieu, I’d like to introduce a new feature I like to call, Things That Are Gay:

Unicorns


A Certain American Idol


Liberace (or, his corpse as the case may be)


Concertos


The Bolts passing game.

Sorry, Philip, maybe it's not your fault you had to keep force feeding the ball to Vincent Jackson and maybe the Vikings were actually able to hide Antonio Gates in their back pocket, but you have regressed. And if you keep throwing the ball like it has bugs on it, I'm going to keep wondering how Billy Volek and Charlie Whitehurst look in practice.

Colts-Pats turned out to be "as advertised." Although it really seemed as though neither team wanted to pull out their entire bag of tricks before a probable January showdown, that game was as good as they get in the NFL. I think if the Colts had been a little more aggressive early on, they'd have won that game, and that was a huge surprise. So next week we get our shot at the Colts on primetime and here's a preview if you're interested:

Personally, I think I'll just go ahead and get whiskey drunk by 5:00 and see if I can't find the easiest girl in the bar and try to convince her let me take her home and mash my flaccid weiner against her labia for three hours. You know, something I can be proud of. Go Bolts?

1 comment:

Blogust said...

Bill Cowher would be so ideal, but until then, looks like laundry day on Sundays as you said before.