Sunday, October 28, 2012

Quick Take on Today's Contest

This morning I read a new feature in the UT called Scott vs. Billy Ray. They each took an opposing side on issue and argued with each other about it. The Onion does a feature like this called Point-Counterpoint. I suggest reading The Onion. Today Scott and Billy Ray proved that their air-headed radio schtick easily transfers to the UT's air-headed sports reporting style by asking the important question of whether the Chargers should trade for Tebow if the Jets put him on the block. The clear answer is "What?" Needless to say, I'm dumber for having read that.

Anyway, the Chargers have had two weeks to think about their history-making beating at the hands of Peyton Manning who clearly does not read his memos because it's like he didn't even know that the Chargers have his number and he is their little bitch. Read a fucking memo, Manning! That's important information that you needed to know. It was vital to our game-plan, and you just flat out paid it no heed whatsoever. Smartest quarterback in the league my ass. Learn to read memos, dude.

Today the Chargers get to attempt to redeem themselves against the Browns, which conventional wisdom would tell you is a good thing because the Browns are very shitty. However, the Browns will start Trent Richardson who is a stud even though he plays for the Browns. That means the Chargers will probably stack the box to stop Richardson and protect their impressive defensive stats against the run. I ssume that leaves us resorting to some awful zone coverage or matching up man-to-man. That means that Jammer will likely stand across from Greg Little and his magical hands of granite, leaving Cason to try and cover Josh Gordon who pretty much just runs straight down the field and tries to catch 60 yard touchdown passes. This concerns me becasue a 60 yard touchdown is what we in the business refer to as a "Big Play." If you've been paying attention this year, you've probably noticed that just one big play in any game by the opposition causes the Chargers to fold up their tent and hit the road. They don't even stay to see the headliner. They just catch a couple of songs from the shitty local band opening the show and they just go beat traffic. It's terrible. So my point is that we can totally lose to the Browns and if we do it shouldn't surprise you at all.

However, I know that the Chargers over the last couple of years have only one clear goal. Not that Superbowl goal that other teams are constantly running their mouths about. Not even winning the division, which is what the organization says is it's goal in order to distract you from realizing what the real goal is. That goal is to save Norv Turner's job at all costs. So we will beat the worst team in the NFL that isn't the Chiefs and the local idiots will write articles to the angry villagers telling us how silly we were to predict the demise of the Chargers. Beating the Browns today will mean something damn it. It will mean that nothing changes. We will still be able to beat the bad teams and be humiliated by the good teams and as long as there are more bad teams than good teams on our schedule then we are somehow good or something. Enjoy the game. It's going to be raining. Rain games are rad. Everybody loves rain games. Even if it means Ryan Mathews will fumble three times. But it's not his fault. The NFL took our tacky towels!

Bolt 27, Browns 21

P.S. Here's a great Point-Counterpoint from The Onion.

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