Pick, Pick, Pick

So, I went ahead and joined that pick 'em pool at my work. You know, the one with the girl who doesn't pay in because she does all the work. Ugh. Anyway, I figured what the hell? I mean, she's a girl, so she probably won't win anyhow. Here's my picks.

NY Jets @ Buffalo
Bam! Upset special, because when there's money on the line I instantly turn retarded. Seriously, though, I still don't buy the Jets, and Buffalo managed to look decent in defeat last week after finally jettisoning Trent Edwards. Edwards, by the way, was picked up by Jacksonville, which makes sense because he is the white David Garrard. Bills 20, Jets 16

Denver @ Tennessee
Christ, did I actually pick Denver here? Did I smoke crack at work on Friday? I don't know why, but I like Denver here. The Titans started 0-6 last year, so I have to believe they have a little Norv Turner in them. Broncos 27, Titans 17

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I see a lot of people picking Cleveland here. Such is the power of the white running back. Hey, white skill players work for the Pats and Colts. Too bad Cleveland probably needs about 3 more. Bengals 30, Browns 13

Carolina @ NO
A guy in my fantasy league dropped New Orleans D last week, and now my team is complete. I'm telling you, that Claussen kid ain't right. The difference her will be too vast for Garrett Hartley to overcome with missed field goals. Panthers 14, New Orleans 34

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
The Steelers defense looks prolific right now, whatever that means. But they can't go 4-0 without Ben Roethlissberger, right? I expect Ray Rice to show up this week. Just enough. Ravens 14, Steelers 13

Frisco @ Atlanta
Atlanta looks like a kind of schitzo team to me right now, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them lay an egg here, but I don't have the balls to call it. 49ers 24, Falcons 30

Seattle @ St. Louis
Seattle's first game was fluky. Their win against the Bolts was ugly. I think they're the team Denver clobbered. And what the fuck is a Seahawk? Is that a thing, or is that just any predatory bird that lives around the sea? Weak ass fucking name and I hate them. Seahawks 16, Rams 20

Detroit @ Green Bay
I've jumped on board the bandwagon that wants to see Detroit finally turn it around and be legit. Other things I want include a threesome with two Victoria's Secret models and a jetpack. Lions 27, Packers 35

Houston @ Oakland
Well, Oakland, let the Gradkowski era begin! Again! If something on him isn't broken by halftime I will eat my hat. I don't know why, but I think Houston will come down to Earth. But not this week. Texans 37, Raiders 28

Indy @ Jacksonville
Scoreboard explodes! Colts 42, Jags :(

Washington @ Philly
This Mike Vick thing can't last. My fantasy team is too good as long as he stays healthy. But I'm going to keep riding it until somebody breaks his leg. Washington gets smoked. Redskins 13, Mike Vick 30

Arizona @ San Diego
We cannot lose to the Cardinals, right? I mean, we just can't. Can we? Can Norv? Oh, God, Norv could, couldn't he? No, he couldn't. Right? Tell me he couldn't. Cards 10, Bolts 34

Chicago @ Green Bay
Last week I was up 29 in my fantasy league and going against a guy who's roster is full of Packers. I found myself rooting for Jay Cutler. It made me physically ill. People are now back to stroking Cutler. They apparently missed the fact that if not for flags and butterfingers, Cutler easily could have thrown a 6 pack of INTs. I don't buy those Bears. Cutler will imlode. Bears 20, VaGiants 28

New England @ Miami
Should be a good game. I intend to watch it. Pats 27, Fins 24

Enjoy your footballing, and be sure to give the Padres some love while you're at it. Go Pads!!! Go Bolts!!!