Sunday, October 10, 2010

Exciting New Things!!!

I'd like to take this opportunity to, like Max, say that my outlook is changing over here and that I promise to be less surly and more supporty of the San Diego Super Charger football team that I've loved since I was still peeing myself from being young not drunkenness.

That being said, just because my outlook is changing, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be a flag toting balls out ignorant supporter for fear of drawing the ire of the die hard fans here in town. For many reasons that Max suggested, it's becoming harder to support this football team while maintaining some level of objectivity without being scorned by the jersey adorned flat bill brigade of San Diego. And hey, I get it, we all love the football team, shit, every single season I get sucked in at some point when they start resembling a professional team, and not the error prone stripped down version of themselves. As Max mentioned and I concur with, I'm getting old. One of my goals, well, more like a dream of mine is to become the purest form of dirty old obnoxious man, and while to some degree I've achieved that already, I'm certainly far past making excuses for what I believe to be mistakes at every level of the organization that we hold so dear. So if that makes me a "bad fan" in some peoples eyes, who fucking cares. I certainly don't. If any of my critics can show any level of objectivity at all in debating the merits of this team, and I'm proven wrong, I will happily parade my wrongness in front of the whole wide internet. But just shrieking loudly at me at a volume higher than I wish to partake that I'm a bad fan because I'm a stupid dickhead who thinks A.J. Smith isn't a gun toting wild west version of Jesus, well, I've got a problem with that.

My main issue beside having to defend myself every time the Bolts incite me to swear at the television, is that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to like the team we're putting on the field on a weekly basis. There are some guys I really want to like, who are playing their balls off, Kevin Burnett for example. Dude is a maniac. But, the mistakes we continue to make and have made on a consistent basis since 2006 infuriate me to no end. Every time we call timeout early in a game to avoid a delay of game penalty so that Norvelle can once again attempt to forcefully remove his butt plug of a head from his sphincter, I go into a blind rage and want to murder a bag full of kittens even more so that I normally would. However, that reaction makes me a "bad fan".

So, here's how it goes. I'm actually excited for Raider Week. Even though the Raiders are still the pathetic bunch of underachieving cock wallets east of the bay, the optimist in me thinks we'll get it together and cockwipe their faces by about 31 points today. The pessimist in me thinks that we'll lose on a last second blown coverage hail mary touchdown pass thrown by JaFatAss Russell who the Raiders will re-sign at halftime after Gradkowski has a tragic mishap with the sideline cart involving a broken leg and a sexual harassment lawsuit. That being said, I guess I'm high on the Chargers today. Mood: EXCITED!

I'm also reserving a spot for Max to make his weekly picks as you sure as shit don't want to see mine. I won three games against the spread last week, picking 82% favorites, needless to say, favorites are covering like 28% of the time this season.** Fuck and yes. Guess how many favorites I have this week? All of them. That's some fucking genius right there, book it.

Today we get over the hump. Bolts 48 Raiders 16. Let's go Bolting.

(**Those percentages are approximations, well complete fabrications in my brain, I don't care to look up facts further solidifying my ineptitude.)


Maximum Colossus said...

Great post, man. One thing, however. If Norvelle's head is a butt plug, he probably shouldn't remove it from his sphincter. I'm surprised your editor didn't catch that.

CJ said...

EDIT: "...attempt to forcefully remove his butt plug of a head from his leaky sphincter."

Thanks for pointing out the obvious error there. I'm saddened that I was so careless.