Wonderful Way to Start My Day!

The ESPN squad just tore into the Chargers. More importantly, Keyshawn Johnson laid the blame squarely on AJ Smith's shoulders. I could have shed tears of joy. This might be the best thing that has happened to the team in some time now. Up until this point, the national sports media has seemed to buy into AJ's tough guy persona and they have really given him a pass when it comes to the problems the team has. And why wouldn't they? ESPN calls upon Kevin Acee frequently as an expert Chargers correspondent. As has been noted here before, Acee is such a psycophantic lap dog that he makes Canepa look like a free spirit.

Oh man, this gets better and better. They just did a retrospective on Lombardi and Boomer, who is obviously trying to get me to change my tune about him, ended the piece by calling out the Chargers again. And who was featured for most of the piece? LaDainian Tomlinson, who is dangerously close to getting his TBE back. Take that, Norv. Seriously, take it and get the fuck out of here already.

And here is where I'm about to go hypocrite super nova. I hate the way San Diego fans can't get over their ex players, managers, bat boys, Tim Flannerys...etc. Am I happy for Drew Brees? Sure, but I don't cheer for it like it's some sort of accomplishment for San Diego. Fuck that noise. But I have to admit, I've fallen in love with Tomlinson all over again. I'm so happy for that guy right now, that I find it hard to hate the Jets. The Jets!!! I want him to get a ring so bad it will be crushing if the Jets don't win the whole thing this year. Tomlinson, you are TBE.

This all might be my hangover talking.

Stick With Me Kids...

I don't want to brag. I need to. I've been in this weekly pick 'em pool now for the last four weeks and I've already won twice, so suffice it to say I'm probably a God. Various hotels in Vegas have been sending me flyers and e-mails promoting hotels in Reno, because they fear my gambling prowess. And rightly so. If you want to high roll it with the likes of me, good luck. Probably won't happen because I'm very selective about the company I keep. But you can start your own Empire of Awesome by picking what I pick, because I'm pretty sure my picks determine the outcome of the games and not the other way around. Behold!

Denver @ Frisco in somewhere in Europe
Ugh, Limeys. They deserve this game as far as I'm concerned. If these teams decide not to come back we're all better for it. I think Frisco takes a note from their fuck all baseball team and hands it to the Broncos. Seriously, I can't pick a team that just took a 45 point shellacking from Oakland. Not even if it were the time travelling '76 Raiders. Broncos 17, 49ers 24

Jax @ Dallas
I honestly think Dallas will settle down and work the fundementals better with Kitna behind center. This team can grind it out and dictate a game when they aren't infatuated with making the big play. more importantly, I think the Jags are terrible. Jags 16, Cowboys 28

Miami @ Cincy
So, Cincy is that team. The team that amazed everybody for a season before fading back to obscurity behind shitty coaching and suspect personnel. But Miami is also a that team. They are that team that gets shit on by officials and always has the ball bounce the other way. And they are on the road. Fins 24, Bengals 27

Buffalo @ Kansas City
I know Kansas City blows this game. Everybody is starting to believe in them, so of course they're going to choke. and Buffalo may suck, but they've taken some damn good teams to the wire this season. They will get their first win. But I'm not going to call it. Bills 28, Chiefs 30

Washington @ Detroit
I have no idea why I am picking Washington here. It is probably because, like everyone else I am looking at their record and thinking "McNabb must be putting up some numbers out there." He is not. Maybe this week he will. Skins 20, Lions 17

Carolina @ St. Louis
Remember when these two teams played one of the most exciting NFC Championship games ever? Can you believe that was only 7 years ago? This game will not be nearly as exciting. Panthers 14, Rams 16

Green Bay @ New York Jets
As I've said before, I didn't buy into Green Bay before half their team went on IR, so why should I buy them now? And I've fully accepted that LaDainian will be the next disgruntled Ex-Charger to win a Superbowl ring. Where will Merriman land? Packers 17, Jets 27

Tennessee @ San Diego
I'll let you in on a little secret as far as my success in winning my pick 'em pool. I'm one of the only people who will pick against the Chargers, so I end up with a one game advantage to start. Cash in the bank, people. Chris Johnson for the win, I'm sorry to say. Titans 31, Bolts 30

Minnesota @ New England
Once again, Minnesota is coming apart and needs this one more. Moss has something to prove. Blah, blah, blah. Vikings 24, Pats 20

Tampa @ Arizona
Raheem Morris said the Bucs are the best team in the NFC the other day. I like his style there, but it's the kiss of death. Arizona's weapons come alive this week. It's time. Bucs 27, Arizona 30

Seattle @ Oakland
Gotta give Oakland credit for obliterating the Broncos. And I still can't fully explain it, but I hate the fucking Seahawks so much it hurts. Seahawks 20, Raiders 27

Pitt @ New Orleans
New Orleans is a town that prides itself on rising from the wet, mushy ashes. They're team just lost to the Browns, who are basically wet, mushy ashes. Expect New Orleans to redeem themselves against the mighty Steelers so I have to listen to the media blow Drew Brees for a week. Steelers 21, Saints 35

Houston @ Indy
Indy is beat down right now. Houston will fall all over themselves trying to take advantage of it. That team just can't stay out of it's own way when push comes to shove. Texans 24, Colts 34

Tell the people. Go football!!!

I Think You're Wrong...

...Random sports media guy.

The following statement, from Andy Benoit over at CBS Sports, regarding Brett Favre coverage shows just how much disconnect there is between the sports media and fans:

a.) You like it. Even if you’re part of the vocal majority that loves to groan about how much you don’t like it, deep down you really do like it. Or, in the very least, you like that you don’t like it. You like that you can pretend to be above it all. But you’re not. None of us are. That’s why we all watched with keen interest Sunday night.

I'd say that what these clowns fail to realize is that sports fans want to read about sports, and if that's all there is to read about, that's what we'll read. It doesn't mean we like it, or more importantly, that we lie about disliking it, which is what Benoit is suggesting. It's that there is no other choice. Sports media covers it because it's easy to cover and they enjoy that ease in their jobs because the other option hurts their fragile brains. There's a bounty of "information" and even more of a bounty of opinion. The pundits can all play off of each other and stir up fake controversy and whatnot. The same bullshit that applies to Favre applies to other media favorites like the Yankees, the Lakers, Lebron, etc... It's the same reason the media pines for football dynasties and claim everyone else does too. Too hard to cover football when it's hard to tell who's the best. Ultimately, it's like politics, religion or anything else where the media tries to tell people what they should think. They say to themselves, "If everybody in the room with me agrees, then everybody in the country must feel the same way, or there is something wrong with them." After all, look how smart we all are. Well, fuck your fucking Brett Favre stories. I really don't give a shit. Swear to God. I guess that makes me weird.

And as for why we all watched Sunday night? Maybe it was because it was the only game on. And maybe we like watching a big division rivalry. Sure it has a little bit to do with the whole Favre returning to Green Bay angle, but how much story is that at this point? It's the third or fourth time it's happened fo far. So what's the story? What's worth all the coverage and what does Benoit think compelled us to watch if not the fact that it's football and we all love it? It's probably not because we thought Favre might pull his dick out and show it to Aaron Rodgers. Probably. It's football. We're going to take what we can get. And that is, unfortunately, whatever the league and the writers will give us. Thank God for blogs. But not this one, because I just covered the media's coverage of Brett Favre, which is gay. Or is it meta? What the fuck is meta anyway?

And check out this gem, from later in Benoit's column:

8. Kudos to FOX studio analystsNormally I wouldn’t do this, but the FOX studio analysts deserve acknowledgement for their late shift Sunday. They didn’t have to stay any later than usual, but they did have to stick around and do a halftime show for the Cardinals-Seahawks game, even though that was the lone late window contest on FOX. That must have been rough. Think about it: only the states of Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Idaho and parts of Montana, Kansas, and tiny parts of Florida and Ohio, got that game. This means FOX’s big dogs spent an entire afternoon at work just so they could talk for two or three minutes about what amounted to a locally televised contest. How tempting must it have been for Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael and Jimmy to simply record a generic halftime report at the end of the early window games so that they could just head out and enjoy the rest of the NFL action from the comfort of their living or hotel room?

Oh, those poor bastards at Fox had to stick around for a bunch of worthless yocals and pretend to care about a game that didn't even feature Brett Favre? The horror! I hope Fox throws them and extra couple hundred grand for the hardship. Nobody cares about the Cardinals and the Seahawks. Not even their fans, who certainly care more about Brett Favre, the Cowboys or the Post Katrina Saints. Hopefully, they spent those few terrible moments talking about Kurt Warner on Dancing with the Stars. You know, something the whole nation can relate to.

I Feel Like This Might Be Slipping Away a Bit...

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The Chargers Are My Job

Let me clarify that headline. The company I work for is a pretty solid company. But it can be a grind. It's certainly not fun a lot of the time and I don't jump out of bed on Monday morning in anticipation of another work week. But four years ago was something of a different story. It was still a grind sometimes and it wasn't always fun, but there was a pretty big emphasis on employess happiness. You were expected to do your job, but were given a large amount of leeway in how you did it. There wasn't anyone looking over your shoulder. There weren't endless TPS reports to turn in. Lunches were often free, regardless of the old saying. Benefits packages were fat and it rained stock options. It was a pretty sweet deal. An embarassment of riches, if you will. Then the economy went all Scott Mitchell on everybody and the company took the approach that they were so far ahead of the game in employee satisfaction that they could start shaving some of those perks. The employees could take one or two for the team. The focus turned from employee satisfaction and aspiring to a Google type of work atmosphere to fiscal responsibilty and efficiency management. Now it's still a good job, but the free lunches are a thing of the past. The benefits package is a little less plump. Everything is monitored a little more closely. I'm still happy to have the job, but there is a lot less to love.

All of this neatly parallels the Chargers. Four years ago the Chargers had an embassment of riches. Pro Bowl talent in all three facets of the game. An aggressives style. The most talented running back perhaps to ever play the game. A young quarterback with a world of upside ready to take the league by storm. Then came Norv, and I thought we could handle that. Then we started leaking "problem" players. And veterans. And guys who wanted to get paid. AJ trimmed what he considered to be the fat. The focus turned from being an aggressive and exciting team to fiscal responsibility and a "my way or the highway" management mentality. That embarassment of riches has been heavily depleted. I'm still happy to have a team, but there is a lot less to love.

As for yesterday's game, it wasn't nearly as close as the score indicated. I'm surprised at how solid our defense has looked so far this year, but I still expect it to break down in the stretch if it's expected to do the job alone. The offense tends to start showing up when their backs are against the wall. It'll be interesting to see whether management turns around and starts trying to negotiate a long term deal with Jackson now. I can't imagine they would, but it might be time for AJ to consider swallowing his pride and doing what's best for the team instead of what feeds his ego. They still have the luxury of being the only game in town for Jackson the year before a lockout, which is how they were able to push McNeill into a deal. If AJ truly cares about championship and if the Spanos family is sincere in their efforts to field a winning team and remain in San Diego, then it's time to capitulate. I don't know if the season can be saved, but it's not yet too late to try.

Fuck Yeah! Football...!

Has it really been an entire week since the alleged footballing went down? It has? Sweet. Football! I can't fucking wait.

It's been an exciting week here in Boltland. Vinny Jack is back, and if we hadn't imposed that awesome fuck you three game suspension on him, he'd be eligible to play. However, he wouldn't play because if we hadn't suspended him, he wouldn't have reported until week 12 anyway because he only has to "play" in six games to accrue his "season" so that he can obtain his unrestricted status. Funny that Logan Mankins is in this same situation and he at the recommendation of the players union is planning on reporting as well, but since the Patriots brass aren't the golden cocksuckers we all thought they were, they didn't place him on the roster exempt list, hence no three game suspension, hence successful team making good decisions from the top down.

The paper here in town, or as I'll call it, "A.J.'s Bullshit Diatribe Bullhorn" continues to call V.J.'s suspension "NFL Imposed". Which "technically" true, the organization put him on the roster exempt list. That didn't need to occur. But then that wouldn't be A.J. being A.J. Go back and read his comments in the link Max posted about V.J. reporting and read his direct quotes with regard to his interactions with Jackson's agents. I know it's in print, but you can actually see A.J.'s raging hard on through the words for having stuck it to those guys. Way to go Godfather! You fucking rule! "I wanna hamburger, no I wanna cheezeburger, I wanna hot dog....". "YOU'LL GET NOTHING!!!"

And now we welcome those same Patriots to town. Everyone would like you to believe, and by everyone, I'm still referring to the media here as well as the Flat Bill Brigade Fanboys, that we're playing a home game and when we play at home we're fucking unstoppable! Now, I've actually sort of convinced myself I think, that we have a chance in this game. But, then I allow common sense to intervene and I think we've got a significant challenge on our hands. Dreamboat Modelfucking Quarterback has not one but two super possession receivers now in Wes Welker and Deion Branch, the black Wes Welker. These guys are quick and motivated and prepared to exploit our secondary. The same secondary that those around here who have been paying attention have been telling you were playing far above their heads when our defense was ranked statistically #1, against shit teams that we couldn't beat. Cason was faceraped by a rookie quarterback throwing to Bree Walker last week. You think that he's prepared to fare a bit better against Dreamboat Modelfucker and two pro-bowl caliber receivers? Bend the brim of your hat, take the sticker off it and stop wearing it cockeyed you dumb fuck.

While down 17-0 last week to the Lambs, Flat Brim Brigade behind me continued to exclaim, "You know how we do, bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we be there. We fine!". I shit you not, that's fucking verbatim. Bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we fine. Yep. First, and this is a side tangent that belongs in the defunct, "The Cut" post, but using baseball analogies in football is fucking stupid. And I love baseball. Why don't you just say, "In the fourth quarter the Bolts always make their hole in one!". Not to mention that the Padres, in the ninth inning, late in the season, shit their didies and missed the fucking playoffs. So, back to the "You know how we do." Yeah, I do know how we do. With three minutes left and knowing that Stephen Jackson was about to get all predator on our ass, we let him rush for about 40 yards on 5 carries, not using our timeouts on the front side of the two minute warning and never got the fucking ball back. The Rams were able to utilize "Victory Formation". The Rams. Victory Formation. Victory formation used to be the precursor for Victory shots for Max and I. Do you know how long it's been since we had victory shots? Peruse the archives and let me know because it's been fucking forever.

To top it off, Antonio Gates is out with a toe concussion. You know, the league really ought to see what it can do to prevent toe concussions. They are steadily ruining the game we've come to love so dearly in our hearts and is putting the long term health of our players feet in serious jeopardy. I haven't been posting links to Simmons much partially because I figure everyone reads him now anyway, but he's got this concussion thing on lock. I couldn't agree more. For the lazy in you, here's my favorite excerpt:

"I keep going back to the "bad parent" analogy and Roger Goodell, who's done a masterful job manipulating the mainstream media these past few years, benefitting mostly from the fact the previous regime was out of touch. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think Goodell is a total hypocrite for pretending to care about the welfare of his players as he's pushing for an 18-game regular season that would lead to more injuries, more concussions, more collateral damage, more everything. Hey, Roger: If you cared about the welfare of the players, you'd shorten the season to 15 games and add another week of byes. Right? But hey, that would cost owners money. Instead, you'll continue to position yourself as the Sheriff of Player Safety, puff out your chest, crack down on hard hits and swagger around like you're Tim Olyphant in "Justified." Meanwhile, if the players' union doesn't agree to your 18-game schedule, we're headed for a lockout.

Oh, and you know what else is great? NFL owners recently threatened the union that, if the lockout goes into effect next March, the league wouldn't cover health care benefits for its players until a new collective bargaining agreement is in place. So Roger, you care about the welfare of DeSean Jackson in October, but not five months from now if he's paying for his own doctor's appointments because he's suffering from post-concussion syndrome? You're going to tell us that with a straight face?"



God Dammit. Goodell sounds just like the Godfather. I hope they both get anal raped by a freight train.

My boss is a Patriot fan from back east. He believes that this is a trap game for the Pats. He's pretty football saavy, Patriot fandom aside, but I don't see it. I want to see it, I want to believe we're going to give the Patsies a nut shot they won't forget but I just can't see that being properly executed. If, and only if,we avoid our gagtastic special teams play, "slow starts"(Oakland, St. Louis FUCK!), the offensive line can prevent Rivers from a linebacker gang bukkake party in our backfield, and we can minimize our dipshit moments of bad clock management, stupid penalties, and dropped passes (BUSTER! ARRRGHHH!) we'll have a chance. But then that pesky fourth quarter is going to come along and well, you know how we do.

Go Bolts. Breathe the optimism!

Break the Bank!

With these sure fire no-fail, barely redundant picks of the week. Check it, bitches!

Cleveland @ New Orleans
Cleveland is playing everybody tough and Drew Brees and the Saints have spent most of the first several weeks of the season in some sort of weird drunken stupor. Still, I'm too gutless to pick Hank McCowboy and the Browns in an upset. Browns 17, Saints 30

Pitt @ Miami
Is Miami good? I can't tell. I keep hearing they are good, but it seems impossible to know for sure. Maybe they're good, but the Steelers are probably the best team in the league right now, even if they are a bunch of fuckfaces, and Roethlissberger is only going to get better. And rapier. Steelers 34, Dolphins 13

DC @ Chicago
Not too long ago, I hard the hardest time convincing a San Diego football fan that the Skins were from DC and not outside of Seattle. That's how smart San Diego fans are. The Bears are terrible. Even San Diego fans know that. Skins 20, Bears 17

Cincy @ Atlanta
I haven't spelled Cincy's full name wrong yet this season and I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. They are Cincy from here on out. They will probably beat the Falcons, who are a lie, but I'm picking the dirty birds anyway because I hate money. Bengals 28, Falcons 30

Philly @ Tennessee
I have no idea if either of these teams is good. Kevin Kolb hates my fantasy team, so I'm picking the Titans. Seriously, fuck that ass hole. I hope he gets decapitated. Iggles 21, Titans 28

Frisco @ Carolina
Matt Moore is back for Carolina. i think that is enough of a boost to vault them over the Niners this week. And it's not really much of a boost at all, so what does that say about the Niners? It says they suck. 49ers 23, Panthers 24

St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I guess I'm picking Tampa because they're at home and also because all Rams fans are fuckfaces who acted like fuckfaces during the game last week even though I've always been cool to them before. Well, they weren't that bad, but they were definitely smiling. Fucking fuckfaces. Rams 3, Bucs 50

Buffalo @ Baltimore
This hardly seems fair. How does this happen? Who's next for the Ravens? The Mission Bay Buccaneers? One day some team is going to show up to play Buffalo and there will be nothing there. Just an abandoned stadium. And people will tell stories of seeing random Buffalo players in Mexican leagues. Because they still loved the game, you know? Bills 9, Ravens 34

Jax @ KC
Trent Edwards came in and finished the game for the injured David Garrard last week. Edwards is white. Garrard is black. Nobody noticed the change. The Chiefs have lost two in a row and nobody can shut up about how good they are. That's the AFC West for you. Jags 14, Chiefs 21

Zona @ Seattle
I hope this is nationally televised. This nation deserves it. Cards 13, Hawks 14

Oakland @ Denver
You know who else were being a bunch of fuckfaces when the Rams beat the Chargers last week? Oakland fans, that's who. Eat a whole fucking bag of dick, you cocksuckers. Raiders 0, Broncos 1,000.

New England @ San Diego
Chargers fans are making fun of Tom Brady's hair this week. That's some good trash talk, morons. Local radio guys say we match up well in this game. Right. Half the team is injured, and the other half mostly would have problems getting absorbed by Buffalo. This will be Darren Sproles day! Pats 42, Bolts 20

Minnesota @ Green Bay
Brett Favre owns Green Bay and plays well when things in his personal life are in shambles. His wife is about to leave him over dick photos. He will pummel the decimated Packers and then he will probably retire. Vikings 34, Packers 23

New York VaGiants @ Dallas
The knife dost twisteth, while the Vagiants continue to play within their means. So long, Dallas! VaGiants 31, Cowboys 24

And that's it. Go football!!!

VJ to Report

Vincent Jackson, as expected, will report to the Chargers next Friday. Whether he'll ever actually play or not remains to be seen. At the very least he'll have to serve AJ's "look at how much of a hard-ass I am" 3 game suspension first. After that, we'll have to see how willing Vinnie Jack is to put his body on the line for a team that has made no secret of the fact that he does not fit into their long term plans. And we'll have to see if AJ even deems VJ properly humbled enough to have earned his activation. According to Kevin Acee's article, AJ expects VJ to contribute. Also according to Acee's article, AJ Smith is a fucking ass hole and can barely contain himself and keep from shouting, "I won! I fucking won! Who cares if my team is in complete and utter disarray?! I beat Vincent fucking Jackson's retarded agents! Lord of the No Rings?! Fuck y'all, I beat you and that's more important than 10 Superbowls! Have I mentioned I'm a fucking genius?! Tell 'em Acee!"

Thanks For Being Less Lazy, Deadspin

All day I've been ready to offer my two cents on this whole "epidemic" of violent hits in the NFL, but then Deadspin's Jamberoo came out and the first part pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. The only thing I would add is that not only do all the players actually realize the risks of concussions and other injuries going in, part of the reason grown men get paid millions and millions of dollars (or at least hundreds of thousands if you're only good enough to play, but not so good that people acknowledge your contributions) to play the game is due to the fact of it's violent nature and the short lifespan of such a career. If there was no risk to counter the reward, I couldn't even bring myself to watch the NFL. Overpaid primadonna fucks. The mainstream media finds everything apalling. Fuck those jerks.

A Couples of Quickies

If you haven't heard already, Junior Seau beat up his girlfriend or something, got arrested or something and drove off a cliff or something. Last I heard he was hospitalized, but not dead. "Or something" is the new "alledgedly." Anyway, this is too bad. I met Junior briefly once, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. And I will always have fond memories of Seau as a Charger. One of the best ever, for real. I hope this all turns out alright for him. Also, you know it's killing Roger Goodell that he can't suspend him.

This is an interesting article on pirating NFL broadcasts over the internet, which should be of interest to anybody left in San Diego who cares about watching Chargers games. It draws parallels between the music industry, the phone company and the NFL. I wish more people would write about the NFL's misguided attempts to protect it's legacy. "Back in my day, the players didn't celebrate touchdowns with flashy antics. That's should be a penalty. Also, they were white." That was any random stodgy old racist NFL owner or official in case you were wondering.

Welcome Aboard!

At this point you must be ready to jump on the bandwagon. It's a little bit different than the one that you've been riding on for the past several years, but I think once you really give in to the charm and the ambience, you'll find the ride very smooth. My bandwagon is called The Reality Freight Train, and let me tell you how it works.

First you must admit to yourself that this Chargers team is tragically flawed. It lacks depth and the talent in trench positions to compete at a high level. Really, even on a low level apparently. It has no offensive identity and the defense lacks balls. The coach is a marshmallow, the defensive coordinator is in over his head and the GM is a monster. Got it? Okay, you're halfway on the bus.

This next part is the hardest part of all. You must admit to yourself that the organization doesn't care at all about you, the fan. It is not even in their best interest to provide you with a championship product. They may not have expected the team to fall this far, but they certainly did not do enough to expect the team to challenge for a Superbowl. And why is this, you ask? It's because if this team won it all, this town would never let it leave. The people of our bankrupt city would gladly throw away money we don't have on a state-of-the-art stadium for a Superbowl winner. But not for this team. This team will turn this town against them and the people will say good riddance upon their departure. The NFL might even have to help them build in L.A. They'll say that the Chargers were a team whose town had given up on them and that they had no choice. And they will punish our city by deeming us unfit to house another NFL team for all eternity.

To this all you are probably thinking that the right thing to do here would be to stand by your team. Force the owner to realize that you are not fickle and that you will love the Chargers warts and all. You'll want to tell them that they'll have to pry your fandom out of your cold dead hands. And while that is admirable, I beg of you brothers and sisters, don't do it. Don't give them the satisfaction. You see, this team will leave anyway. They'd prefer to make it look as though it was out of their hands. That they had no choice. But, believe me, they'll go the other way if they have to. They'll pack up the Mayflowers in the middle of the night if that's what it takes.And you fans,-you die hards-they know that you'll root for the L.A. Chargers. They know they'll still get your dollars, and that's all they care about. This is a business way before it is sports. Or entertainment.

So, you ask, How will jumping your 'Reality Freight Train' save my Chargers? Sadly, fan, it won't. It will only spare you the disappointment. The sadness. The frustration of it all. Find another team. Bury yourself in fantasy football. Spend more time with your family if you have to, but leave this team. They have already left you, I promise.

If you do decide to stick with it. If you do decide to ignore reason and continue on this thankless path of Chargers fandom, then I at least have one small nugget of good news for you. And here it is. This team-the one on the field-is focused on the here and the now. They are not looking ahead, they are playing the game at hand, and most people will tell you that that is the best way to approach the game of football. And how do I know that this is not the sort of team that looks ahead? Because if they had looked at the next several weeks of their schedule before yesterday, they would have known they absolutely had to beat the Rams and maybe they would have played like it.

As Promised, Here's Your Picks

Even if you don't deserve them. I ended up with 5 wins last week, I think. I don't pick against the spread unless there is money involved, but I do give scores. So, if you love math, feel free to go back and figure how stupid I am. Anyway, that's a first to worst sort of swing in my pick'em pool, but you can bet (you probably shouldn't bet) that I'm coming back strong this week with the following sure thing, can't miss pick'em extravaganza!

Miami @ Green Bay
I don't know how many times or in how many different ways I have to tell you that Green Bay sucks. They were wildly overrated before their starting running back and Pro Bowl calibre tight end got broke. Miami doesn't thrill me either, but the media isn't trying to suck start them into greatness yet so they get the nod. Fins 27, Packers(?!) 23

San Diego @ St. Louis
San Diego? Never heard of them. Still my sources tell me that if they don't crush the Rams here, they might as well stay home and masturbate for the rest of the season. You know, get something out of it, anyway. Bolts 37, Rams(?!) 27

Baltimore @ New England
Belichek pulls the trigger early on another guy who is a pretty essential part of the system. Genius! A.J., inspired, sends Merriman packing but misses the point entirely by getting his favorite return. Nothing. I don't think I liked the Pats against Baltimore with Randy Moss, so I sure as hell ain't taking them without. Baltimore and Pittsburgh are the only good teams in football right now. Fuck the Jets. Ravens 30, Pats 17

Cleveland @ Pittsburgh
Nobody can shut up about how horrible it is to have Colt McCoy make his first start against Pittsburgh, and I have to disagree. I think it's delightful. Colt McCoy. Half-assed job of child naming, if you ask me. Try Winchester McWhiskeyguzzler or Cowboy McSixgun. As it is, he deserves everything that's coming to him. Browns 0, Steelers 37

KC @ Houston
Alright, both of these teams need to just come out and be whatever it is they actually are. Maybe Dennis Green knows, because I have no fucking idea. Chiefs 16, Texans (gay) 34

Detroit @ NY VaGiants
It appears the Vagiants have remembered that they do not have a terrible pass rush and that if they don't try to force Eli Manning down everybody's throats they can still be a force to be reckoned with. Of course this is the week they dump to Detroit. I do not, however have the balls to call it. Lions 13, Vagiants 28

Atlanta @ Philly
I don't know why I can't get behind Philly with Kolb, but I can totally buy them behind a guy who spent two years out of football to go to prison. Is it because I hate dogs? I don't think that's true. And I don't know why I keep picking Atlanta, even though they kind of look like bullshit every week. Atlanta, to me, is another team that couldn't wait to throw the entire weight of the franchise on their young quarterback's shoulders when they don't even have to. He constantly looks ready to snap under the pressure and if anything ever happens to Roddy White, they will be doomed. Falcons 27, Iggles 24

Seattle @ Chicago
Herm Edwards, who is the fucking worst thing on television ever was on NFL Live yersterday and was throwing season record in everybody's faces and touting the Bears. To this I say that Herm might want to actually watch the games. Or drink battery acid. The Bears D is legit enough, but they will not overcome the offensive line's inability to stop Jay Cutler from making horrible mistakes or faking concussions. Still, Seattle is no hot shit either. Seahawks (fuck that fucking name) 17, Bears 21

NO @ Tampa Bay
Trap game! It's obvious from the first 5 weeks of the season that the Bucs should have this game in the bag against the woefully ill-equipped New Orleans Saints. Seriously, how long has it been since the Saints were relevant in this league? Still, don't be surprised if this upstart Drew Brees and his band of unknown wide receivers give the mighty Bucs a tough time of it this Sunday. Upset special!!! Saints 31, Bucs 20

NY Jets @ Denver
I hate the Jets. Even if I wish Rex Ryan was one of my crazy uncles, the Jets can eat a dick. And I think they lose to Denver. I think it's a match-up thing. One problem, though. Tomlinson. Good on you TBE for making Norv and AJ look as stupid as I think they are. The thing is, Tomlinson scores on Denver. He has always scored on Denver, and I have no doubt he always will. I will regret the following statement. Jets 27, Broncos 30

Oakland @ Frisco
Truly, I hope tidal wave wins this one. The Raiders are terrible. The Niners are terrible. These two teams are going to collide and terrible up the atmosphere for three hours Sunday. Someone is probably going to win. Raiders 17, Niners 20

Dallas @ Minnesota
The clash of the 1-3 teams and everybody is saying the loser can go home, but I'm going to tell you right here that this game decides nothing. There is so much terrible football going on that this game will not determine shit for playoff implications. Minnesota needs this one more than they needed the last one and Dallas has to prove they can stop beating themselves before I'll pick them again. Cowboys 28, Vikes 30

Indy @ Washington
Jesus Christ. How many games are there this week. Feels like over a dozen. Indy? It looks like they might finally be hitting a wall. DC? Classic overachievers. They've got heart. But I think Peyton will probably taking over coaching duties this week. Colts 34, Skins 20

Tennessee @ Jax
Really? Titans 37, Jags 13

Sorry, I kind of ran out of steam there at the end, but that Monday Nighter is going to be awful. Go football!!!

So Long, Merrimanimal!

And Shawne Merriman's Chargers career is over. I can't wait for people to start explaining to me how this is addition by subtraction. Any guesses on where he goes to get his revenge? I'd say this has the Patriots written all over it. Or the Jets, who apparently have designs on our players. But it would be silly to count out a division rival. With our future playoff hopes being what they appear to be, joining another AFC West team might be the only way Merriman guarantees himself a shot at AJ's squad every year. Good luck, beastly sir.

Thoughts on McNeill

So, it looks like McNeill's is getting his long term deal after all the sitting out and crying and name calling and hardballing. Many people consider this a decisive victory for "the A.J. way" and it's hard to argue with that, but I'm going to do it anyway.

First, very obviously, we could have just done a deal to begin with if that was the ultimate plan, and then our Pro Bowl offensive lineman would have been here through camp and the first 5 games. Unfortunately, our GM decided for some reason to lump McNeill and Jackson together and fight them that way rather than approach each negotiation uniquely. Brilliant strategy.

Second, I can't say for sure, but I believe the only reason that McNeill is signing with us is similar to the reason we had the leverage to pull this crap in the first place. Because of the way the current CBA is structured, McNeill was not given unrestricted free agency status (as other players have been in any year before), and instead the team was allowed to keep the rights to the player for a fraction of his worth. Because of the uncertainty of the CBA going forward if McNeill sat out this season, and next season results in a lockout, the player might have to go two years without a full paycheck. A.J., in essence, used circumstance to ruthlessly threaten McNeill and his family's livelihood, which any of you out there would crucify your own boss over*.

If next season was assured, I think McNeill never would have signed. In fact, the NFLPA is so certain of a lockout, they have been telling their players to save their money and make smart investments. McNeill had to have realized he would have no money to save or invest unless he bent to the Godfather's will. No other team can come to his rescue. It's unlikely anybody will be doing any serious shopping next offseason if there is to be no football, and A.J. has shown he's not above holding on to a "malcontent" even in the face of a better deal than what he'd get in compensation from the league.

Whatever happens, I will be amazed if we get the best effort McNeill hass to offer. If this deal gets done, he may very well take whatever guaranteed money is offered and proceed to loaf it until the team trades or cuts him. And don't think it would ruin him either. There are tons of GMs who would jump at the chance to sign McNeill two years from now, especially in light of what another couple of A.J.'s "malcontents" are doing for the NY Jets this year.

Most players will serve up platitudes to the media, telling them after negotiations like this that they realize the NFL is a business. But it human nature to bristle when someone questions your worth. The other players on this team cannot be looking forward to their own negotiations. When all is said and done, A.J. may have won the battle, but the war could take him in the end.

*Dean Spanos considers threatening players good business. that seems to be working out for us all.

We Were in Field Goal Range!!!

Okay, so I'm a bit late on this, but I have to post it, right?



I know a lot of you felt this way inside. Don't feel bad. Feel ashamed. You're pathetic.

I Hate to Say It.

No matter how hard I try to be a good loyal "follower" of the Chargers, I keep coming back to the problem of knowing too much. I know what this team is, and more importantly, I know what this team was and could have been. Special teams is a problem, but it's really just a symptom. For years we were told this team had depth to the level where we didn't need to make a splash in free agency. We were told we had the luxury of taking the best available player on the board. For years we passed over players that could have shored up our linebacking corps and instead took a reach pick for Buster Davis (already a number 2 on his college depth chart) and traded up to grab mind bogglingly positionless Jacob Hester. We provided a large contract to virtually unknown one game wonder Jyles Tucker. To make matters worse, we've adopted some draconian zero tolerance policy that has sent several players who contributed out the door. And yes, there have even been a regular amount of injuries piled on. Special teams is the first thing to go when your talent level drops radically after the first string, but it isn't the last. And that's already showing as well. As much as everybody would love to say that two blocked punts did this team in in Oakland, it just isn't true. 12 points in the first 4 minutes didn't put us away. Two long Oakland drives in the 4th were far more responsible than that. Offensive penalties and turnovers aplenty had a heck of a lot to do with it too. Don't let anyone sell you special teams as the scapegoat. The problems this team has raise their ugly heads in every facet of the game. Sure, we still have dynamic playmakers on offense, and we can take advantage of criminally pathetic teams about half the time these days because of it. When we get those big earlyleads, Ron Rivera puts on his big boy pants and lets the defense pin their ears back and bring it. So you'll see some blowouts here and there, but those bad teams are soon to be behind us. After one more "gimme" in St. Louis, we are going to lose 5 in a row. Indy, Tennessee, New England, Houston and Denver in no particular order. Do you like our chances against any of those squads? I don't. Not the way this team is playing right now. And I don't know what changes are going to fix anything at this point in the season. Maybe our division saves us yet again from our own ineptitude, but do you even really want that? Maybe if this teams churns out a true stinker of a season, Spanos has no choice but to save face by forcing AJ to get a real coach in there. Or if we're really lucky, he runs AJ out too. The ego has blunted the sharp football mind that built this team into a contender to begin with. The ego isn't going away on it's own. If we can get rid of one or both of the true cancers on this team after the season, maybe we can salvage the careers of some destined to be great Chargers rather than consign them to the sports fate of every other great player to dedicate themselves to the franchises of this town. Maybe, if we can do that, Rivers and Gates won't have to retire ringless.

Picks Are For Posterity

Whatever the fuck posterity is. I'm going to start trying to post these picks earlier in the week going forward. I found it cut down on people laughing at me if I waited until the last minute to go on record, but since I won my pick 'em pool last week I'm the one who's laughing now. All the way to the bank. And by bank I mean strip club. And by laughing I mean stalking strippers. So here's this week's sure to be money winners.

Jacksonville @ Buffalo
I picked Buffalo to upset the Jets last week, because for some strange reason I have a soft spot in my heart for Buffalo. I just feel like that team never got any respect for owning the AFC for four straight years back in the day. Anyway, that soft spot hardened considerably last Sunday. Die, Buffalo. Jags 34, Bills 13

Denver @ Baltimore
For some reason I want to pick Denver here. Must be because Kyle Orton is my fantasy QB this week. Why am I being punished for Mike Vick's sins?!!! So, yeah. Fuck that noise. Denver 24, Baltimore 27

Atlanta @ Cleveland
One of these days Atlanta is going to be fully exposed. But not this weekend. Cleveland is better than I thought, but Cincinnati is as bad as I thought, so last week means nothing. I will start loving Cleveland if they break Jason Snelling's leg. Atlanta 31, Cleveland 21

KC @ Indy
I thought KC could challenge for the division, but their record is not a true representation of how good they are. Indy, however, is flailing. Not flailing enough. KC 30, Indy 34

Tampa Bay @ Cincinnati
Oh God, did i really pick Cincy to win this in my pool? Well, i guess I have to go with it. Tampa 13, Cincy 17

Green Bay @ Washington
Is it okay if I say that neither of these teams does anything for me? God, what a couple of fucking fucks these teams are. Green Bay 24, Washington 17

St. Louis @ Detroit
I'm gonna ride this Rams thing for a while. It just feels right. Rams 27, Detroit 26

Chicago @ Carolina
Chicago? Exposed. Chicago 13, Carolina 20

NY VaGiants @ Houston
Houston is another team i could not give a shit about. But they can be exciting. On the other hand, stupid name. VaGiants 27, Houston 34

New Orleans @ Arizona
New Orleans, it's about time to start looking like New Orleans. I feel bad for the Cardinals. I really liked that team last year. New Orleans 42, Arizona 10

San Diego @ Oakland
Is it okay to remind everybody that Oakland nearly handled us in Oakland last year with Jamarcus Russell at QB? Still, I'm in it now. Bolts 30, Oakland 27

Philly @ Frisco
Kolb looked good in his games before this season, so the ability is there. But man, does he look pedestrian so far this year. And Frisco has to win one eventually right? I mean, 0-16 is not going to win even that horrible division. Philly 17, Frisco 20

Minnesota @ NY Jets
No fucking idea. Randy Moss? No fucking idea! Vikings need this one, so i'll go with that, but I don't like it at all. Vikes 23, Jets 20

That's it. Enjoy your footballing. Go Bolts!!!

Exciting New Things!!!

I'd like to take this opportunity to, like Max, say that my outlook is changing over here and that I promise to be less surly and more supporty of the San Diego Super Charger football team that I've loved since I was still peeing myself from being young not drunkenness.

That being said, just because my outlook is changing, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be a flag toting balls out ignorant supporter for fear of drawing the ire of the die hard fans here in town. For many reasons that Max suggested, it's becoming harder to support this football team while maintaining some level of objectivity without being scorned by the jersey adorned flat bill brigade of San Diego. And hey, I get it, we all love the football team, shit, every single season I get sucked in at some point when they start resembling a professional team, and not the error prone stripped down version of themselves. As Max mentioned and I concur with, I'm getting old. One of my goals, well, more like a dream of mine is to become the purest form of dirty old obnoxious man, and while to some degree I've achieved that already, I'm certainly far past making excuses for what I believe to be mistakes at every level of the organization that we hold so dear. So if that makes me a "bad fan" in some peoples eyes, who fucking cares. I certainly don't. If any of my critics can show any level of objectivity at all in debating the merits of this team, and I'm proven wrong, I will happily parade my wrongness in front of the whole wide internet. But just shrieking loudly at me at a volume higher than I wish to partake that I'm a bad fan because I'm a stupid dickhead who thinks A.J. Smith isn't a gun toting wild west version of Jesus, well, I've got a problem with that.

My main issue beside having to defend myself every time the Bolts incite me to swear at the television, is that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to like the team we're putting on the field on a weekly basis. There are some guys I really want to like, who are playing their balls off, Kevin Burnett for example. Dude is a maniac. But, the mistakes we continue to make and have made on a consistent basis since 2006 infuriate me to no end. Every time we call timeout early in a game to avoid a delay of game penalty so that Norvelle can once again attempt to forcefully remove his butt plug of a head from his sphincter, I go into a blind rage and want to murder a bag full of kittens even more so that I normally would. However, that reaction makes me a "bad fan".

So, here's how it goes. I'm actually excited for Raider Week. Even though the Raiders are still the pathetic bunch of underachieving cock wallets east of the bay, the optimist in me thinks we'll get it together and cockwipe their faces by about 31 points today. The pessimist in me thinks that we'll lose on a last second blown coverage hail mary touchdown pass thrown by JaFatAss Russell who the Raiders will re-sign at halftime after Gradkowski has a tragic mishap with the sideline cart involving a broken leg and a sexual harassment lawsuit. That being said, I guess I'm high on the Chargers today. Mood: EXCITED!

I'm also reserving a spot for Max to make his weekly picks as you sure as shit don't want to see mine. I won three games against the spread last week, picking 82% favorites, needless to say, favorites are covering like 28% of the time this season.** Fuck and yes. Guess how many favorites I have this week? All of them. That's some fucking genius right there, book it.


Today we get over the hump. Bolts 48 Raiders 16. Let's go Bolting.

(**Those percentages are approximations, well complete fabrications in my brain, I don't care to look up facts further solidifying my ineptitude.)

You Heard It Here First

I keep thinking we're not long for a Vincent Jackson to New England for Julian Edelman and a 4th rounder. Don't ask me why, I just see this happening.

Okay, that's maaaybe a little unrealistic, but how about this? The Patriots have the Raiders 1st rounder this year. Julian Edelman and a 1st rounder, for Jackson and a 3rd? The Pats love second and third round picks and Edelman is pretty expendable with Welker looking good and healthy.

I'm Changing My Outlook Back

I've been putting off writing anything for a few days to see if I'd simmer down over time, but I guess it ain't going to happen. I'm not going to go into any detail here, but suffice it to say I went up against some more of the brilliant minds of San Diego sports fandom once again. This is a fandom, I should remind you, that now casually expects slow seasonal starts and shrugs them off like early reports that the unsinkable vessel they're on has apparently "brushed up against" an iceburg. No need to panic until the band packs it in! Look, I'm glad the Chargers manhandled the atrocious Arizona Cardinals, but the fact is that every time I leave the house I am accosted by idiot Chargers fans who ruin the whole experience. Listen people, being a fan does not necessarily mean blindly accepting every move and decision the organization makes, then pointing at the scoreboard on the days it actually works out and believing that justifies your argument. This team is overachieving at home and absolutely shitting the bed on the road. There is a good chance that when decent teams actually start showing up here to play us, things might change a bit for the worse here at home, and no amount of AJ Smith badassery is going to help us on the field. I hope your all happy when AJ cuts another safety. Or I hope you give him a piece of your mind if he doesn't. But you all like blaming the players. Why, because they get paid to play a game? That might be valid if you didn't so blindly slobber over the game.

Look, this doesn't apply to all of you, but for the most part this has become a terrible, uneducated, boorish football town-and for no good reason as far as I can tell. For quite some time I've been happier discussing football with fans of other teams. Many of them actually have realistic views, even when it comes to their own teams sometimes! At this point, I'm a casual fan of the Chargers going forward. For now I'm going to follow the team from a safe distance in my Chargers fan Volvo (nice and safe). Feel free to blast me if I jump back up on the crazy flag waving bandwagon, because honestly I couldn't give a fuck what people in this town think of me as a fan.

Pick, Pick, Pick

So, I went ahead and joined that pick 'em pool at my work. You know, the one with the girl who doesn't pay in because she does all the work. Ugh. Anyway, I figured what the hell? I mean, she's a girl, so she probably won't win anyhow. Here's my picks.

NY Jets @ Buffalo
Bam! Upset special, because when there's money on the line I instantly turn retarded. Seriously, though, I still don't buy the Jets, and Buffalo managed to look decent in defeat last week after finally jettisoning Trent Edwards. Edwards, by the way, was picked up by Jacksonville, which makes sense because he is the white David Garrard. Bills 20, Jets 16

Denver @ Tennessee
Christ, did I actually pick Denver here? Did I smoke crack at work on Friday? I don't know why, but I like Denver here. The Titans started 0-6 last year, so I have to believe they have a little Norv Turner in them. Broncos 27, Titans 17

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I see a lot of people picking Cleveland here. Such is the power of the white running back. Hey, white skill players work for the Pats and Colts. Too bad Cleveland probably needs about 3 more. Bengals 30, Browns 13

Carolina @ NO
A guy in my fantasy league dropped New Orleans D last week, and now my team is complete. I'm telling you, that Claussen kid ain't right. The difference her will be too vast for Garrett Hartley to overcome with missed field goals. Panthers 14, New Orleans 34

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
The Steelers defense looks prolific right now, whatever that means. But they can't go 4-0 without Ben Roethlissberger, right? I expect Ray Rice to show up this week. Just enough. Ravens 14, Steelers 13

Frisco @ Atlanta
Atlanta looks like a kind of schitzo team to me right now, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them lay an egg here, but I don't have the balls to call it. 49ers 24, Falcons 30

Seattle @ St. Louis
Seattle's first game was fluky. Their win against the Bolts was ugly. I think they're the team Denver clobbered. And what the fuck is a Seahawk? Is that a thing, or is that just any predatory bird that lives around the sea? Weak ass fucking name and I hate them. Seahawks 16, Rams 20

Detroit @ Green Bay
I've jumped on board the bandwagon that wants to see Detroit finally turn it around and be legit. Other things I want include a threesome with two Victoria's Secret models and a jetpack. Lions 27, Packers 35

Houston @ Oakland
Well, Oakland, let the Gradkowski era begin! Again! If something on him isn't broken by halftime I will eat my hat. I don't know why, but I think Houston will come down to Earth. But not this week. Texans 37, Raiders 28

Indy @ Jacksonville
Scoreboard explodes! Colts 42, Jags :(

Washington @ Philly
This Mike Vick thing can't last. My fantasy team is too good as long as he stays healthy. But I'm going to keep riding it until somebody breaks his leg. Washington gets smoked. Redskins 13, Mike Vick 30

Arizona @ San Diego
We cannot lose to the Cardinals, right? I mean, we just can't. Can we? Can Norv? Oh, God, Norv could, couldn't he? No, he couldn't. Right? Tell me he couldn't. Cards 10, Bolts 34

Chicago @ Green Bay
Last week I was up 29 in my fantasy league and going against a guy who's roster is full of Packers. I found myself rooting for Jay Cutler. It made me physically ill. People are now back to stroking Cutler. They apparently missed the fact that if not for flags and butterfingers, Cutler easily could have thrown a 6 pack of INTs. I don't buy those Bears. Cutler will imlode. Bears 20, VaGiants 28

New England @ Miami
Should be a good game. I intend to watch it. Pats 27, Fins 24

Enjoy your footballing, and be sure to give the Padres some love while you're at it. Go Pads!!! Go Bolts!!!

Carl's Lock of the Century!

Clever. Stupid, But Clever

So, here's a song parody some Chargers fan made about the Vincent Jackson to the tune of Ms. Jackson by Outkast.



I'd like to think the fan made this because the song was just too irresistable to pass up, but I know better. And from the comments on the youtube page it's pretty apparent that a lot of the fans in this town still want to stand up to the millionaire athlete doing the work in defense of the billionaire owner to cheap to pay anything close to fair market value for his players and the egomaniacal bully of a GM who doles out unnecessary punishments when someone has the audacity to question his methods. Well played San Diego, this is why other team's fans think you're stupid. And believe me, they do. Still, I have to admit it's clever.