Monday, January 24, 2011

'Disaster Averted' or 'Go to Hell Nick Canepa'

First off, let's get the good news out of the way Jay Cutler dragged his pussy off the field yesterday and let us all off the hook. No ring for Cutler. The world is safe for democracy. Seriously, though, can you believe the gash on this guy? 'Canyonesque' is the term CJ coined yesterday and it is apt my friends. Reports today defend the seriousness of Jay Cutler's injury, but I'm sorry, if you're walking around on the sideline while Todd Collins and some guy named Hanie are trying to save your season, you better prepared for some scrutiny. And by scrutiny I mean Brian Urklacher holds you down while Julius Peppers removes your head. What really killed the Bears, though, was the strange fact that Todd Collins was allowed to take the field. That guy wasted two good field positions before doing the right thing and following Cutler to the bench. Apparently, the Packers are a shade better than the Carolina Panthers. Seriously though, Cutler, if you're going to stand there on the sideline determined to prove that your teams fluky season was a farce, at least have the decency to grab a crutch or a cheerleader and pretend you can't walk around without assistance.

And speaking of standing around on the sidelines during playoff games, our good friend Nick Canepa had this to say in his column today:

"And LaDainian Tomlinson will be watching. Again. Pledging allegiance to another franchise didn’t help his own personal elevator reach the level he’s long been seeking. But he did absolutely nothing to so much as push a button in Pittsburgh. He remains a playoff also-ran, be it on the left or the right coast."

Jesus Christ, Nick. That's rough. Did LT screw your wife and run over your dog on the way out of town? I mean, what has the guy really done to incur this sort of wrath? He was openly upset with the way he was treated by a management team that is pretty well known to treat everyone like shit and he has praised an organization that has been dedicated to winning and appears to stand behind it's players. What a dick. In Canepa's defense, this column was obviously bought and paid for if not actually penned by Dean and AJ. So, again I ask you, how can you even root for this petty bunch of bullies? How can you look beyond them and continue to enjoy Chargers football? I just don't know if I can anymore.

Quick parting shots:

1) Green Bay gets the award for least unlikable team to be in the Superbowl since the Carolina Panthers. I just wish I actually, you know, liked them.

2) The Steelers get the award for team I am so sick of I can't even stand it. I just wish I actually, you know, hated them. Here comes the apathy bowl!

3) In case you missed it earlier, Jay Cutler's vagina is canyonesque! That's gold, CJ.

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