Thursday, November 01, 2012

Killing Coaches and Predicting Games

Today on the radio another couple of our local sports –I don’t even know the proper title for these people is! Sports journalists? Sports clowns?-anyway, these jerks who inexplicably get paid to talk about sports were discussing whether Philip Rivers was what those in the industry call “a coach killer,” a la Michael Vick who originally took down Jim “Not Jr. because he has a different middle name than his dad and how stupid is that?” Mora and is now gunning for a guy with more lives than any cat named Norv, Andy “Goes to the play-offs for the people watching” Reid. Anyway, I guess some blog decided to ask this question about whether Philip was the same kind of problem instead of asking why he only has one “L” in his name and that got the local guys talking because professional sports whatevers know that blogs are stupid unless you are desperate for material and not, by nature, very creative. Well, that’s a great question, allow me to answer it. There is only one coach killer in this town and he is the guy carrying the clipboard and calling the plays and getting ignored by Rivers on the sideline and it says “Norv Turner – Head Coach” on his door. As long as that guy is around he doesn’t stand a chance. Unless you count the fifty-seven or so chances he’s already had.  You cannot go and give Norv all the credit for Philip’s development and then not place the blame on him when Philip regresses. End of story. Rivers may yet be salvageable. Norv can never be fixed. Next question.

Who will win tonight’s game you ask? Well, duh. The Chargers will win the game. Ask anybody and they’ll tell you there’s no way we lose to the Chiefs. They have the worst record in the league. What’s that you say? Two of our last three games were lost to teams with the worst record in the league at the time? Man, you’re just living in the past. You have to look forward, people. Except for that time that Norv won those playoff games. Never forget that. That’s who we really are. Anyway, the local media is all, “Well clearly we suck, but obviously we’ll beat the Chiefs for some reason,” and who am I to argue with them. They have predicted the demise of this team only a mere handful of years too late. That’s why they make the big bucks. That’s why I don’t question them. That’s why we will decimate the Chiefs tonight.

KC 27, Bolts 13.


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