Hallelujah!!!

Somebody tell Tim Sullivan it's a miracle! Gates feels he might possibly be at 100% for the opener. In fact, he feels at the present rate of progress he'll definitely be ready. What a wonderful thing to happen in these his twilight years.

This Is More Like It.

Here's an article from Vinnie Iyer at The Sporting news that tackles the exact same subject as the Don Banks article I linked last week. Unlike Don's article, however, Vinnie focuses on the Chargers and not just how fucking awesome the Patriots are. Thought I'd pass it along.

The Sky Is Falling!

Some of you may have seen this little slice of hysteria Tim Sullivan submitted to San Diego Post Dispatch Intelligencer this morning, and I gotta say, the doom and gloom is pretty fantastic. Antonio Gates-due to his horrific TOE injury-could very well not be long for the world of professional football is the tone Sullivan sets with this statement:

He is aware, however, that his glory days could be dwindling.

This is what Gates actually said about it:

“You always worry,” the Chargers' transcendent target said yesterday. “That's just part of human nature. I wonder if I can still go out and be the (No.) 85 that people are used to me being in the past. I think that's part of the challenge.”

Sounds like a guy who realizes his days are numbered. Or maybe it sounds more like he's answering a baited question. Seriously, do we have to dress this up as an actual issue? Gates is still a young man. They said from the get-go that he would need the whole offseason to recover. Camp has just started. We spent last season establishing our receivers more. We could survive if Gates has to miss a game or two, or even three. Why does Tim Sullivan want to freak us out? Of course, I fully appreciate the irony of my asking for more Charger coverage and then crying about the coverage received. I am, however, never afraid to delve head first into hypocracy. It's a gift. Go bolts!!!

Quick Couple Of Things

I'm very intrigued by this Waters kid. Supposedly another Cromartie type situation; first round type of talent who suffered amajor injury in college and dropped to the third round. I still think MLB is our weakest link on D, so it should be exciting to see if the guy can make an impact. I mean, sure, it's not very likely that he could supplant a natural talent like Wilhelm, but on the other side, he is black which can be a real bonus at the position.

As for this Cason guy, what's the fucking hold-up there? Didn't we draft him like 28th or some such bullshit? I thought we were past this sort of thing. In the past I would have been ready to blame the team, but something tells me that agents are starting to worry that the rookie coffers might get handled a bit before too long so it's time to make a few last desperate grabs at that particular jackpot. Whatever the case, let's get this kid into camp and start getting ready for some football. You know, what with how they disbanded the Pro Baseballers and whatnot.

Oh yeah, and Jeremy Shockey went to the Saints. And he's a douche. But he does make them better. But we're still going to whoop on them in front of the Limeys. Go Bolts!!!

What Have You Done With Nick Canepa?

Last week resident A.J. Smith apologist-nie lapdog-Nick Canepa wrote a rather intelligent and actually insiteful piece regarding OTL and the San Diego beach drinking bans. This is it. Needless to say, I was rather blown away, but thought hey, even a blind squirrel finds his nuts or some such bullshit as that.

Imagine my surprise to come across yet another piece that did not make me want to buy reading glasses just so I could poke my eyes out with the stems. Here's Nicky's article detailing the recent comings and goings of ex-San Diego QB Drew Brees. It's a fluff piece for sure, with very little weight, but since I'm sure you all recall that letting Brees walk after two excellent seasons did not make for warm feelings toward our B.A. G.M. A. J. That fact in itself makes the article interesting. I fully expect to see a follow-up in the next couple of days where Nick makes sure to remind everybodythat Drew Brees is the Anti-Christ so A.J. had to let him go. I do like the part where he asides that Brees should have been traded after 2004, hinting at some sort of player devotion that obviously lives within A.J.'s heart. Bullshit. But otherwise a decent little, non-offensive read. I always like to hear that Drew Brees is doing well, even if I wasn't as devastated as many when he left. You know the people that still pine for Brees? They're the ones who thought Billy Volek should have started the AFC Championship game last year, and the same ones who force the rest of us to explain ourselves to sports fans from other cities. Still, Brees was always a likeable guy who you could tell was trying hard and it's nice to see him over the bullshit. Just as it was nice to see Steve Finley at Petco for the ten-year anniversary the other night, even after the team railroaded him into leaving all those years ago, it's nice of Drew to keep a presence in a town that still likes the guy an awful lot. Of course, I still can't wait for our boys to mop up the Saints in front of the Limey's this year! Go Bolts!!!

A Little Taste.

A.J. Smith runs a pretty tight ship, there's no getting around it. Never has it been more apparent than this offseason. The current roster appears to be a who's who of mouthless do-gooders. Seriously, after the last couple of years replete with DUIs, drug arrests and off-duty cop target practice, this off-season has been downright lame. Philip Rivers needs to kick Jay Cutler in the balls so I can see the Chargers in print. Wait, does that make me intolerant towards diabetes? I should knock on wood here, though, seriously. It's a good thing that our boys are media-unworthy this time of year. It's just that with the Sadres (see what I did there?) performing so poorly while still being as boring as ever, one begins to jones for some Charger love as though it were that first smoked rock of crack in the morning. I have it on good authority from Josh Hamilton that morning crack is exteremely jones-worthy. Anywho, I was pleasantly surprised to find this little gem of an article from SI's Don Banks on the interweb today and figured I'd pass it on.

Sure it's sort of a Patriots fluff piece in a Chargers uniform, but at least Don was kind enough to interview A.J. about his philosophy on creating a team that matches up with the Pats instead of interviewing Belichek and asking him why the Chargers are such whimpy New England fanboys. I could also take offense that Don acts like the Patriots have casually owned us in the play-offs the last couple of years when that is not quite the truth. No, instead I'll just go ahead and be happy to have a little national attention for my team going into the year.

On another related note, I'm going to have to go ahead and admit I'm finding it harder and harder to fault our B.A. G.M. A.J. on some of his personel decisions. I might never forgive him for Harrison and Donnie Edwards, but after Shane Olivea's off-season douchery and the unfortunate fate of Terrence Kiel, it's becoming more and more apparent that A.J. has his finger on the pulse of his team. I will not, however, get over his gun-slinging Don attitude any time soon.

Bring on training camp! Go Bolts!!!

Quick Note

I don't know if anybody checks this blog this time of year, but with the draft coming up I thought I'd go on the record with my take. I think Bad Ass General Manager/Cowboy Godfather AJ Smith would love to trade out of that first round pick for a couple of picks in the second to fourth rounds, but if he doesn't get those picks, I fully expect him to take the best running back on the board with that 27th pick. I know that a strong case could be made for need of depth at O-line, secondary and middle linebacker, but I have to ask you this: What would this team do right now if LaDainian Tomlinson got hurt? Darren Sproles? No chance.

What is up with the Padres bullpen? Not just Trevor, I mean just about everybody. Really ugly and probably the difference between 9-10 and 13-6 right now.

The Pads need to bring up Headley as soon as they can. Period. Time to develop the youngster in the bigs because I don't know if we compete for this division or not right now, but he can't be worse than what we've got going right now.

That's all. Sorry it's not funny. It's Monday for crying out loud! Bo Bolts!!!

And Here It Is.

Here's a glaring example of why people hate "Patriots Nation."

Moss II: Electric Boogaloo?

James Lofton goes to the Raiders. Big whoop. Interesting, though, that Jerry Porter is eligible for free agency. That would be an interesting pick-up. Talented Raiders WR who's played poorly for a couple of years for a piss poor organization? Sound familiar? He actually managed 6 TDs last season for that moribund offense of theirs. Yep, I totally just used the word "moribund." Count it.

And for those of you who take this blog as qualified reporting, I haven't entirely ruled out Chad Johnson, but it would take a frickin' miracle. We've got very little to trade in the way of draft picks, and the guy just becomes a bigger prick every day. Okay, we're totally not getting that guy, so just forget it.

I'd just like to see Cowboy Godfather have a little fun in free agency. Go Bolts!!!

Reaky? O-K!

Imagine my surprise in the fourth quarter of a game I didn't think I cared about when the realization struck me that I totally care a whole stinking bunch. Imagine my excitement when the Foxboro empire came crumbling down and went from the precipice of being the best team ever to the team that had old school Peyton Manning type meltdowns in the postseason in back-to-back years. Now, imagine some of the media stories that came after the fact which were no surprise at all.

1) Suddenly Tom Brady's little bootie was obviously a much bigger deal than we were all led to believe. In fact, some sports jerks went so far as to say that they had heard prior to the game from a reliable yet super secret inside source that the entire New England organization was completely hysterical over the possibility that Brady's foot could detach from the rest of his glorious body at any moment.

2) Eli Manning is one of the best QBs in the league. Seriously. Was there any doubt whatsoever? Sure, his regular season numbers were blah at best, but those only mattered when everybody was bitching about them back then when they were happening. Not now that he's a superstar. I really don't have anything against Eli Manning these days and he made some seriously gutsy plays last Sunday, but I'm certainly not happy about the media and the league cramming another Manning down my throat, as evidenced by a second straight Manning Super Bowl MVP award, neither of which were really all that deserved (of course, you could at least make a case for Eli, while Peyton wasn't even the best offensive player on his Super Bowl team).

3) Even though nearly every talking sports head in the world was duped into Pats by a landslide, they have all spent the last two days explaining to everyone why they were so stupid as to not see this coming. Eh, fuck it, I won money, and now CJ will never know for certain whether I would have welched on my bet. Fucking cocksucker, that one.

In closing, I'm already starting to see that we will be inundated with the vaGiants "beginning of a dynasty" bullshit and more fuel for the Boston-New York rivalry bofire, but I must remind those of you who are starting to regret rooting for the uppety little shitstains from the Big Brown Apple that if the Patriots had won that game we'd be hearing about their perfect season til the day we die (and perhaps beyond if you're not a heathen), whereas we'll only have to hear about the vaGiants for around ten months which is about when they'll be eliminated from making next year's postseason. Go Bolts!!!

All Good Things...

...must come to an end.

I'll have something to say about this game in the next day or two, so check back if you care what I think. You can probably guess, though.

What Super Bowl?

The years after the strike back in the eighties were bleak football years for me. Our scrubs had predictably outplayed our actual pros and we were in the middle of a long stretch of suckage with no end in sight. On top of that, I was a dumb teenager, hopped up on hormones and prepared to rebel against whatever pointless thing that made happy all the unthinking robot people who could never understand the depths of the universe in the same way I could. Fucking sheep! And so football was, for all intents and purposes, more or less dead to me until the point not too long after high school when I realized that not only was I no smarter than most, I was much more stupid than nearly all. Then Bobby Ross and Stan Humphries and Beathard before the feeblousity came along and saved us all, and I've never really looked back, preferring instead to believe that I, in fact, believed all along. So what does all this have to do with what's happening right now? I have never been so completely devoid of feeling toward football in my life as I am right now. Not during those dark ages mentioned above and not even in the womb. I would say that I desperately want both the New York Giants and The New Englands Patriots to lose, but since that is impossible, I guess I just don't care. Of course, that doesn't mean I don't have an opinion.

Let's start with the vaGiants. Everybody in San Diego has some kind of misbegotten hatred for Eli Manning. Wow, get over it. Sure, it's natural to be spurned, but you also must realize that in other parts of the country, people honor their fathers and indeed look to them for guidance well into their 20s. So, fuck Archie Manning and not Eli. When you were in your early 20s, were you rocking good decisions left and right? And it's not like we had a lot to offer. Fuck off if you're trying to tell me you knew we'd go 12-4 that year. Bull. Shit. The best part is that, regardless of what the paid sports jerks are writing this week, most people (and just about everybody in San Diego) believe that we won in that deal bigtime, so what's with all the crying and whining. As for reasons to hate the vaGiants, you all can do better than that. Shockey and Plexyglass are both loudmouth jerks and the fans, Gawd, the fans are the second worst bunch of footballs cockbags on the planet.

Which brings us to the Pats. Talk about your shithole fans. My God, most of these people believe that the Patriots are 2001 expansion franchise. They are brash, in your face, in your community locusts that can not be stopped. And now they're on the cusp of perfection. I don't personally have anything against Tom Brady that falls outside the realm of blinding envy. And right up until I saw Junior wearing one of those stupid little newsboy caps that make people look like a really cool penis, I though it would be nice to see him get his jewelry. It's those fans though, that time and again turn me off. They call their quarterback Tom Terrific for Christ's sake. Just typing that made me break into a berzerker fury of air kicks and punches. If these fuckers go perfect, you might as well start following the Arsenal, cause football will suck for you in San Diego. Let's say the Bolts win the Super Bowl and you try to enjoy the moment in a random bar in San Diego. Good luck, as every Boston jerk-off in the bar has to remind you of their perfect season. Have a perfect season? They did it first, ya fackin' poseurs! Once perfection is achieved, what is the point? Sure, it's exhilarating still, but can anybody tell me off the top of their head who, besides Sir Edmund Hillary has ever peaked Everest?

I knows that it's fun to say the NFC is the AFC's little bitch and all, but it's time to put that and your hatred for Eli aside. You really have no logical choice but to root for the Giants this Sunday. Fuck history being made and fuck Tom Terrific! Besides, most Giants fans move to L.A. from New York, so you don't really have to hear too much about it. Hey, I guess I care more than I thought! Ahh, screw it, go plague!!!

God, I Hope He's Right.

I you watch Aqua Teen Hunger Force at all, you know that lately it's been all Carl, all the time. It's not hard to figure out why.

The Party's Over.

Okay, so I guess I'm happy. We finally won some big playoff games and then we ran into a juggernaut in the New England Patriots. A juggernaut we would have beaten if we weren't decimated on offense by injury. And that's right, we would have beaten them. Our defense was stellar and we were able to drive on them pretty handily until the field shortened. You can't tell me that if TBE and Gates were 1,000,000% we couldn't have put the ball across the goal line three times. Oh well, not as heartbreaking as last year, but it still hurts to have to say "next year." But as I've said before here, the best thing to come of this year will be the Pats signing of Moss. AJ will likely gamble a little bit more in free agency and if we're lucky we'll see a big upgrade at middle linebacker and probably a quick little WR to run around and be all Wes Welkery. A little more O-line depth wouldn't kill us either. On to thoughts regarding groups and individuals.

1) O-line: Wow, these guys stepped it up in the end. I mean, these guys rested on their laurels for like two good months before getting their shit back together. There's no way Rivers could have hobbled around on two-thirds of a knee against the Pats without them.

2) Rivers: I had already resigned to get off the kid's back before he went out played a great game in the AFC championship. That's right, a great game. Aside from one throw he just couldn't make in his condition, he gutted it out and drove down the field over and over. To all the morons who have been saying that Rivers was selfish and they should have played Volek (seriously, these people exist) I say, "Go hang yourselves, you're of no use to anybody."

3) Vincent Jackson: Wow, keep it up and I'll be eating crow for the rest of your career. Say hi to Charlie Joiner for me.

4) Chambers: Fuck all those sports jerks who said we gave up to much for him, right? Pro bowl calibre.

5) It's a testament to how good this guy is that even though injuries practically erased him the last several weeks of the year, his stats were right on par with the best TEs in the league. Even with the emergence of the receiving corps, Gates would have eclipsed the Jason Wittens and Dallas Clarks of the league. He'll do it next year, watch.

6) The secondary: League's whipping boys for several years. Oh, how the times are changing. Cromartie is a monster and now teams are realizing they have to throw to Jammer's side. And now people are finding out that Jammer is a a bit better than advertised. Outstanding the second Cro became the starter. Don't mind Florence in the nickel, but I won't cry to see him go.

7) Linebackers: Merriman, Phillips, thank God Cotrell finally set you boys loose. Excellent. Stephen Cooper you're a solid playmaker and I see good things in your future. Wilhelm? I really wanted for you to be good. You got better in the end, but not better enough. I know Merriman jumps on piles after the play, but he does other things too. You? Not so much. You will probably be upgraded.

8) Kaeding: How ironic that you started making field goals in the playoffs when we really needed TDs. You can't catch a break, can you. Find a way to kick the ball farther in the offseason. You're okay.

9) Scifres: MVP.

10) D-line: I love you guys. You're not flashy, and you Williams, I know you were in pain, but you guys are all just big, crazy animals and that is fun to watch. Castillo, don't get hurt if we play the Vikings again next year, because that was stupid.

11) Darren Sproles: You are adorable! I want to put you in my pocket. I'm glad we didn't fire you.

12) Michael Turner: You're going to make a bunch of money. Not as much as if we had let you go last year, but a bunch. Don't be a bitch about it.

13) Norv Turner: Not a bad job rallying the boys in the playoffs, but you're not totally off the hook. Your balls retracted against the Pats. Injuries or no that was some mediocre playcalling in the red zone. And punting from the Pats 36, down two scores with 9+ minutes? Too safe, I knew it was over. Now you're going to listen to the San Diego faithful(ly stupid) call for the rehiring of Cameron Cameron all off-season. You dug it, hop on in. Neutered our offense a bit, better luck next year.

14) LaDainian (The Best Ever) Tomlinson: Damned if you do, damned if you don't I suppose. Go out there and stink it up and you'd be called selfish for trying. Stay on the sidelines and you're called a big pussy. I know better. You're the tits, man. The heart and the soul. I'll be looking forward to seeing you again next year.

My thoughts on the Super Bowl? Fuck you Green Bay, I could have probably convinced myself to root for you doughe bags. Eli and the vaGiants vs. the Nazis? I root for the plague. Go Bolts!!!

P.S. Kelly, I'm sorry I kept saying I'd come over and watch football with you guys and then bailing out. I'm sure your house is lovely. Send me a picture.

Football's Over People.

Move along, there's nothing to see here. So, I'll probably go ahead and chime in at some point about my feeeeelings and whatnot, but I'm still processing. In the meantime, enjoy the one good thing to come out of the vaGiants victory over the Packers. More Carl:

Football

Charger Mania....

It's absolute Charger fucking mania outside this morning. Not only have I already had to endure chants of "un-de-feat-ed" by some immitation Masshats weilding Rolling Rock, but I saw a Mastiff in a Natrone Means jersey.

It's fucking on...

Just A Fun Day To Pile On The Cowgirls, I Guess.

At Least Our Fans Are Just Dorky.

What's that? You're not sure whether you actually hate the Patriots or if it's just their fans you hate? Maybe this'll solidify it for you. Personally, I can't stand either.

Dear Lord, Shoot Me.

I hate...so many things...about the way...the following video chooses to be.

Don't get me wrong. Love the enthusiasm. But c'mon! This kind of gabage makes us all look stupid. Kassim should probably have to sit the first quarter Sunday is all I'm sayin'.