Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Back From the North Woods

Vacation time is over and it's time to get serious. No more tubing down the river with a case of Hamm's. No more boating from bar to bar with a case of Hamm's. No more pre-partying for a Sunday Funday pub crawl with a case of Hamm's. Football is here, and football has nothing to do with beer. Football is serious business and can only be fully appreciated in a completely sober state. And Hamm's is fucking hard to find in San Diego. So let's talk football.

First off, finally saw Inception last week. What the what? That movie ruled. Seriously, grab a case of Hamm's and go check it out. You will not be disappointed.

Second of all, we had our first round of preseason games. I guess we actually had our first two rounds, but God if that Dallas-Cincy affair didn't give the already rancid preseason a bad name. However, as a Chargers fan, I'd have to say that for the first time since we drafted a young QB you may know as Philip Rivers, we actually have a reason to tune into these exercises in football cockteasery. And that reason, of course, is Darrell Stuckey. You may know him as the guy we drafted to replace Kevin Ellison even before we knew we were getting rid of him. Just kidding, I think Stuckey was on the injured list for the game. I meant to say that I was excited to witness the debut of LaDainian Tomlinson heir apparent, Ryan Matthews. I'd been waiting for this since a week before we drafted him, because I am football brilliant and I knew we'd take him. Of course I missed the game. Did I mention I was on vacation? In Minnesota? They don't give fuck all about the Chargers in Minnesota. You know what they do care about? Brett Favre. So, yeah, I'm finally starting to understand what everybody is so pissed off about. Anyway, back to the Chargers. It looks like Matthews looked real solid in his performance, and because I live in a golden palace of hypocracy I'm just going to go ahead and say that even though I've always said preseason doesn't mean anything, Ryan Matthews is already a star.

Jay Cutler was 2 of 2 for 40-something yards against our secondary, which is not so good. And because I live in a stinking bog of hypocracy I'm going to go ahead and say our secondary is shit soup just like I knew it would be. Should make for an exciting season.

Saw Tomlinson on Hard Knocks. He looked good. Saw him in the Jets-vaGiants match-up and he looked like I remember him from the last two years. Meaning, the stats don't look as bad as he actually played. I'd love to say that I hope he does well over there right up until we smoosh the Jets in the playoffs, but I can't...because I don't think the Jets will make the playoffs! Bam! In your face, Jets! Eat it.

And finally, with football comes fantasy football, and since it is the only fantasy left that I have a chance of living out, I play it. And if you play it too, you might think this is pretty good.

Go Bolts!!!

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