Jackson Was Gone Long Ago. Didn't You Know?

I don't have much time to yammer this morning, but you should really check out Acee's article on Vincent Jackson today. Here's a few key points:

Whether Chargers General Manager A.J. Smith should open up the bidding for Jackson to all but the other AFC West teams is a valid question. (He should.)

Way to inject your opinion, ass hat. By this statement you can bet your ass that AJ opens up such bidding war. Nice of him to use his puppet to accustom us to the idea.

Jackson has led the NFL in yards per catch over the past two seasons, but two seasons is a relatively small body of work to deserve such a mega contract.

True, that is a small body of work, but how many guys have done it? What are their names? Come on Acee, you're a reporter, aren't you? Make a statement like that, then back it up. You've convinced yourself that your opinion is important, and you are wrong.

Sources within the organization have confirmed the Chargers ultimately decided to not keep Jackson long-term after he was cited for driving on a suspended license the morning of the Chargers’ playoff game last January.

No way! This shit again. No wonder they tried to trade him to Seattle. He can languish there with other noted Chargers troublemaker, Kevin Ellison. I can't remember, did we draft Jackson's replacement or did he walk on?

Too Drunk to Pay Much Attention

So, I watched the Chargers play the Cowboys Saturday night, but I am obviously not in football drinking shape because I couldn't tell you much about what happened. I remember being impressed with Ryan Matthews. I think I even saw a 3rd and short in there. I don't even know if we design plays for 3rd and short anymore.

The other thing I remember is Philip Rivers straight up tackling a dude. I don't know why he was tackling a dude, but he definitely tackled a dude. Was Rivers lined up on D? Was it a turnover. Who knows? Probably everybody but me. Anyway, the local media seems to think Rivers should give back half his guaranteed money or some such bullshit for jeopardizing the team's season. I say fuck that. That shit was metal. I remember how much I hated Steve Young back in the day, even before the game that shall not be referred to by name. I gave little credit to a guy who stepped into the most talented, bought and paid for supporting cast maybe in the history of the NFL. Then I saw him scramble for 9 yards in a preseason game against the Chargers after getting his freaking helmet knocked off. He dove for the last two yards for crying out loud. I remember thinking, "That asshole can go get fucked, but he plays some football." Of course, he later cashed in all that credit and more or less pioneered the QB slide fake. Pussy-ass move that slide fake! Anyway, my point is, way to go Rivers! Tackle some fools. Maybe we line him up on some return coverages? Just saying, our QB is no pussy. I'm pretty sure he doesn't even know how to slide for real very well. Go Bolts!!!

This Just in: Happy Players More Productive Than Talented Players

Here comes Kevin Acee again, to alleviate all of my concerns about the secondary with my all-time favorite platitude: Addition by subtraction! Cromartie is gone, and he is everything that that was wrong with our pass defense the last two years. Plain and simple. End of story. He's gone, we're great. I'm sure you noticed the drop off in his production over the last few years. It's because he was a malcontent. For no other reason, I suppose, than because he is a malcontent. Not because he didn't recive a lick of help from the pass rush. Not because he was roundly torn apart by the local media for not being able to cover a guy for 10 to 15 seconds while the QB dropped back and paused to tie his shoes.

Everybody loved Cromartie a few years back. And most people I talk to now despise him and were glad to see him run out of town like he was. But is the difference him? We haven't had a reliable pass rush or a defensive coordinator dedicated to taking chances since Cromartie's 10 INT year. As a coordinator you have to look at your defensive unit as a whole organism and not just pieces. It's silly to think that since your corners did so well the year before you can go ahead and ease up elsewhere. It creates undo pressure and destroys the delicate balance that makes a defense great.

Going into this year, I see more of the same. Shaun Phillips is not a premier pass rusher and has a bad attitude when adversity inevitably strikes. Larry English continues to be an unknown commodity. And Shawne Merriman? There's your wildcard. If he comes back around to something like he used to be, and if Rivera commits to attacking the QB, we may have something. But Cason is not as talented as Cromartie was and nobody we have at safety is ready thus far to be as good as Ellison probably would have been this year. Weddle gets burned as often as he comes up big. Only Jammer truly warrants affection here.

Unless something crazy unexpected from a personnel standpoint happens, I still think this secondary bleeds like a sieve. In fact, if they don't end up in the bottom 3rd of the league in both passing yards allowed and points allowed, I'll post an apology on youtube.

More Letters?!

Are! You! Fucking! Kidding! Me?! AJ met with Marcus McNeill and apparently told him to go fuck himself, because nothing was accomplished and now the Chargers sent letters to Jackson and McNeill informing them that they will not be able to play in the first three games if they don't show up soon. Granted, Jackson couldn't play in those games anyway due to suspension, but you've got to be kidding me. Remember when the Gunslinging Mafia Don made Antonio Gates sit out the first game of the season against Dallas? That turned out well. But hey, it's all about principle. Wait, I thought it was all about Championships? I'm confused, AJ. Why don't you be a goodfella and explain yourself? Fire this fuck, before it's too late. You can give him credit for building the franchise, but that doesn't mean you stand by and watch him tear it down. And even if we survive this, his methods ae suspect, to say the least. Check out this bit, from the same article (by Kevin Acee, of course):

Jackson and McNeill were given the highest possible tenders for a restricted free agent, $3.268 million to Jackson and $3.168 million to McNeill.

Highest possible tenders? Fuck you, Acee. Quit trying to defend this ass hole by acting like he did all he could do here. That tender offer doesn't mean the team couldn't have offered them all new 1 year deals for $6 or $7 million that would have rewarded their production, while not giving into their demands. It also would have put the team in a positive public light while forcing the players to either come back or risk looking like total bitchy malcontents. And, most importantly of all perhaps, it may have left open the possibility that these great players might actually come back and get their long term deals after the labor agreement gets hammered out. As it is, I can't see either of these players ever signing a contract with this team, so say your good-byes right now and kiss the Godfather's ring. It's the only one you may see for quite some time.

Back From the North Woods

Vacation time is over and it's time to get serious. No more tubing down the river with a case of Hamm's. No more boating from bar to bar with a case of Hamm's. No more pre-partying for a Sunday Funday pub crawl with a case of Hamm's. Football is here, and football has nothing to do with beer. Football is serious business and can only be fully appreciated in a completely sober state. And Hamm's is fucking hard to find in San Diego. So let's talk football.

First off, finally saw Inception last week. What the what? That movie ruled. Seriously, grab a case of Hamm's and go check it out. You will not be disappointed.

Second of all, we had our first round of preseason games. I guess we actually had our first two rounds, but God if that Dallas-Cincy affair didn't give the already rancid preseason a bad name. However, as a Chargers fan, I'd have to say that for the first time since we drafted a young QB you may know as Philip Rivers, we actually have a reason to tune into these exercises in football cockteasery. And that reason, of course, is Darrell Stuckey. You may know him as the guy we drafted to replace Kevin Ellison even before we knew we were getting rid of him. Just kidding, I think Stuckey was on the injured list for the game. I meant to say that I was excited to witness the debut of LaDainian Tomlinson heir apparent, Ryan Matthews. I'd been waiting for this since a week before we drafted him, because I am football brilliant and I knew we'd take him. Of course I missed the game. Did I mention I was on vacation? In Minnesota? They don't give fuck all about the Chargers in Minnesota. You know what they do care about? Brett Favre. So, yeah, I'm finally starting to understand what everybody is so pissed off about. Anyway, back to the Chargers. It looks like Matthews looked real solid in his performance, and because I live in a golden palace of hypocracy I'm just going to go ahead and say that even though I've always said preseason doesn't mean anything, Ryan Matthews is already a star.

Jay Cutler was 2 of 2 for 40-something yards against our secondary, which is not so good. And because I live in a stinking bog of hypocracy I'm going to go ahead and say our secondary is shit soup just like I knew it would be. Should make for an exciting season.

Saw Tomlinson on Hard Knocks. He looked good. Saw him in the Jets-vaGiants match-up and he looked like I remember him from the last two years. Meaning, the stats don't look as bad as he actually played. I'd love to say that I hope he does well over there right up until we smoosh the Jets in the playoffs, but I can't...because I don't think the Jets will make the playoffs! Bam! In your face, Jets! Eat it.

And finally, with football comes fantasy football, and since it is the only fantasy left that I have a chance of living out, I play it. And if you play it too, you might think this is pretty good.


Go Bolts!!!

It Would Be Easy to Start Hating These Chargers

Acee gives Merriman a Chance to Explain Himself...

...and only manages to make me hate them both. To be fair, I don't know what Acee could do to gain any respect at this point. He's a shameless lap dog to A.J. and after reading this it appears that he will actually tongue bathe any other local sports noteable as well if given half the chance. As for Merriman, I don't know whether he just doesn't feel like coming to camp or if he actually believes he's worth big money after being three years removed from being a major impact on the field. Whatever the case, if he's going to claim such nonsense as that he's worried about knowing where his next meal is coming from (and that really does seem to be the gist of things here), then I'm not interested in defending him anymore. On that note, he totally choked out that internet hooker.

Shaun Phillips is Just the Worst

There's really not much more to say about it. I've heard plenty of Shaun Phillip's interviews, so I believe every word of this happened. The only question now is, what will our cowboy gunslinger of a G.M. do about it?

I've always kind of felt in the past that boys will be boys, and rich young kids who play an aggressive sport for a living are going to get in a little trouble from time to time. I believe that you don't necessarily have to like all your players to like your team. But these guys are really starting to test the limits.

Some Chargers Stuff for Your Hump Day Pleasure

Here's a Chargers camp report card from a couple of days ago that Sports Illustrated put out. It's not overly positive, so it fits in well here. It does have some nice things to say about a couple of our rookies, though Jeremy Williams (Wilson?*) is surprisingly not mentioned. I say surprisingly because the local media has had the walk-on rookie wide receiver on auto suck since camp started. Vincent who? Guess those national guys just don't know talent when they see it. Or maybe since it's the Chargers, Trotter just wasn't really paying that much attention. Now, if Williams (Wilson?**) were a walk-on wide receiver for the Red Sox, then look out!

In sad Chargers news, Gary "Big Hands" Johnson died. Johnson was a standout player on those Chargers teams of yore that doomed me to a lifetime of fandom with their sweet players and awesome gameplay. I will always remember him because "Big Hands" is a bomb-ass nickname. R.I.P., great Chargers player from my youth.

And in a bit of news that is in no way related to the Chargers-or football in general, for that matter-Alex Rodriguez hit his 600th HR, which is supposed to be some kind of a big deal. Seriously, can someone explain this to me? Were there, like a bunch of dudes with 599 HRs and he just passed them all to obtain sole possession of 6th(12th? 9th?**) most HRs ever, on the all-time list? Whatever, fuck that Yankee.

*Too lazy to look up his name
**Still too lazy
***Too lazy to look up the list

Shawne Merriman Hates Football

At least that's what AJ told his crack team of Chargers beat men, according to Nick Canepa's column in the UT today. I think it's funny the way Canepa tries to write with such flourish these days. He makes so many absurd pop culture references that it makes me wonder if his editors aren't showing him material from guys like Bill Simmons and random sports bloggers and saying "Try to be more like that." "Lindsay Lohan, anybody?! What a mess, am I right?" He ends up sounding like my dad trying to emulate those guys. Sorry, Dad, you're just not that funny. At least not in the ways you mean to be. I mean, I laugh at my dad all the time. Respectfully, of course.

Brett Favre Retiring!

Again...

For now...

So, I'm sort of a Vikings fan. I was born in Minnesota, and that's where the majority of my family lives. I like the Vikings fine, though I'd gut a nun if it meant the Chargers would beat them in a Superbowl. And Favre's antics have never really bothered me as much as they seem to bother everybody else. This is pretty bad news for the Vikes if it sticks, though. With Tarvaris Jackson or Sage Rosenfels at the helm, I don't see them getting very far. But hey, when you refuse to plan for the future at the most important position on the field, I guess you reap what you sow. That UFL is starting to look pretty sweet.

Let's Talk Chargers Football

So, we're less than two weeks away from our first preseason foray, and the good news is that all of our draft picks are signed and in camp. Hurray for the rebirth of our running game *crosses fingers*!

Now here's the not so good news. We have two huge holdouts, one veteran who refuses to come in until he's good and ready, one starter gone to free agency and one starter pushed out the door for being caught with a bottle of prescription painkillers in his car.

Gone is our starting CB opposite Quentin Jammer. A lot of people were happy to see Antonio Cromartie go because...he had a bunch of kids(?). Some will say that they feel his production was lacking over the last couple of years, but in all honesty his lack of maturity seems to be the focus of the collective 'good riddance' attitude of the Charger faithful. As far as production, I think the town's tune may change when they see how the guy who couldn't even keep the starting nickel back job fares. And really, starting nickel back is a generous oxymoron.

Gone is starting strong safety Kevin Ellison, replaced by Steve Gregory, the guy who fell into the "starting nickel back" position last year. No matter what Kevin Acee and the slobbering San Diego sports media tell you, Ellison was the starter and was drafted to be so for years to come. He showed enough talent and promise at the position in his first year that he was immediately plucked out of free agency by the Seattle Seahawks. Good for them.

Shawne Merriman-you may have heard of him-is that veteran who refuses to come to camp, but isn't actually holding out. He would be considered a key part of a pass rush no one should have any reason to believe will be any good with or without him this year.

All of that points to a very suspect defense going into the season. It would be nice to have our two pro-bowl offensive holdouts in camp, because it appears that we're gonna to need to put up 30 a game.

Even if you want to believe the coach and GM when they say we will find a way with the guys we have, there is no denying that to put the current group on the field deprives the fans the opportunity to see our best possible team. The rest of the division isn't going to stay down forever, and even so, do we really want a team built only to prey on the weakness of it immediate foes, or do want to field a dominant machine with a very real shot at finally bringing a professional sports championship to San Diego? I want to be optomistic. Our schedule looks weak enough to gain us entry into yet another postseason, but I can't see us competing against teams that have a true dedication to winning. I hope I'm wrong. Go Bolts!!!