Monday, September 24, 2007
Shit Creek. No Paddle, We're Fucked...
Far be it from me to sit here in my objectivity throne and rain down hellacious tyrannical musings about the abject lack of effort being put forth by the entirety of the footballing squad. Sunday morning brought yet the next disappointing chapter in what was widely known as "Our Year". But yet at this very moment, our inflatable that is currently drifting down shit creek is steadily taking on fecal matter and the hand powered bilge is tired from all the bailing. And to be honest, it pretty much just fucking stinks like shit in here.
Some select quotes overheard during breakfast on Sunday morning:
"It's the fucking Green Bay Packers for Christ fucking sake! The Green Bay Fucking Packers."
"Holy shit. Holy Shit. Holy Shit."
"Sweet Fucking Jesus! Would you fucking do something already?"
"I'm going to punch you in the fucking face Norv Turner!"
There were many more of that sort audibly echoing through the chosen establishment yesterday. One of the more meaningful conversations that morning surrounded the absence of what may or may not be the key cog in the football winning orgy that we no longer have weekly admission. Could it be the piece of the puzzle that is now lacking in the overall picture? If it is, only a select few have been overheard discussing it (read: us, shitheads.) the absence of one Donnie Edwards. Is this the final piece of A.J.'s master plan that has led to the utter failure of the squad to date? No difinitive answer shall be known, but I've yet to see any of our linebackers in coverage dropping back into the lanes of the indefensible slant patterns that have helped serve our doom to us for breakfast. The ancient one, Mr. Favre regained his youth and buried us using a very similar formula that the Bastards from Beantown seemingly perfected the week before. Up until late in the fourth quarter, after the interception return inside our five yard line, the Pack had attempted 9 rushing plays. 9. Fuck. Seriously? 9?
With the defensive line accomplishing the undeniable feat of not being able to pressure a quarterback who thrives on interceptions when forced to shift his walker in the pocket, the defense was steadily picked apart. Perhaps there was a reason that Ron Rivera and Ted Cottrell were so easily dismissed from their positions within a very successful organization. Combine this with yet another lackluster offensive performance, and a brief return of what some in this town, and nation, referred to as "Martyball" squatting with dive running plays with a four point lead, and the eight penalties for seventy yards (may have been more I stopped counting after that many) another tally in the column known as "loss" was registered. Another uninspired, unimaginative, and utterly pathetic performance dominated the landscape. Perhaps losing a great linebacker, all of your coordinators and replacing them with folks who have never known winning, with a "Don't fuck it up and we'll win the Super Bowl" attitude isn't exactly that awesome recipe Lord A.J. thought he was cooking with.
Yet here we sit, one win against two losses, a coach that is doing nothing to change his reputation as a loser, and yet another, dismissed after a 14-2 season sitting at his home seemingly sipping Crystal on his birthday laughing maniacally with strippers bouncing on each knee. God Dammit. I'm not sure I'll even be able to enjoy topless cheerleaders until this turns around.
Madden Sunday Preview
The Madden Prognostication Eight Ball Machine had this one pegged on Friday night. With one minute remaining in the fourth quarter and the Bolts clinging to a 6 point lead, 44-38 (Shorter quarters, no less offense) The Pack failed to get to paydirt from the Bolts three yard line. This was seemingly the formula on Sunday, until the entirty of it fell apart and the Pack went in on a simple slant from 57 yards out. Madden Prognostication Machine had this one chalked up perfectly, it was the true team that let this one slip away.
What's next? Who the fuck knows? We were supposed to win on Sunday, this was supposed to be our year. Right now, we've got a boat steadily filling itself full of shit and I'd be remiss to suggest that this will repair itself. Load the gun folks, the "Bullet for Norv" Watch starts soon...