Thursday, September 22, 2011

Let's Just Go Ahead and Forget All of That...

Since we are getting all apologetic here let me join the fray and sincerely request all 5 readers forgiveness for leaving that shameless display of pandering to the least common denominator and not pushing it further down the blog. Geez Max, let me know when you're going to do something like that in the future so I can do my best to talk you out of that.

Apology be damned, I'll say what you didn't but truly wanted to. That defense last year was a sham. I've seen more sincerity coming from Solyndra executives in the last week than the content of that catharsis. Perhaps you should have filmed that in burnt umber. Really, top tier number one ranked defense in 2010? We don't need to revisit the fact that not allowing a lot of yardage in short field situations is not a true measure of a defense apparently. Not to over complicate things, but number one ranked defenses typically make the playoffs, have their shitty USC alumni quarterback "win" three games on the road and go on to bigger and better championship type things. Meanwhile, our number one defense managed not to improve, managed to get even older, more overpaid, and still can't stop being humiliated by elite teams in this league. Max, take your apology back and film a new one with your middle finger extended all the way.

I wish that I shared the same sentiment that Max does with regard to this year and the Super of all Bowls, however, it is times like last Sunday that just break me down just enough to require a bit more proof. Quite frankly, that's when I really get all scramble fucked in the brain because I realize I'm relying on the likes of Norv Turner and his happy band of bumblefucks to restore my confidence in what on the surface appears, yet again, to be a Super Bowl caliber team. It still to this day amazes me that failure is the only option on the big stage.

I had a bit of concern with New England last week and rightfully so. They are an elite team, although there has been a blueprint as to defeating the mighty foe, not unlike the one the Chargers built for the rest of the league to borrow against the Colts. I thought someone, say, Norv Turner may have relayed said blueprint to Manusky, and perhaps he did. However, like we've seen in the past, Manusky must have taken Cason, Weddle, and Tolbert out for a heavy dose of Tecate, tequila and hours at Atalita's because those four were obviously well above the legal limit come game time. There's no other way to explain all of their gaffes.

So I won't hit the panic button. Not yet. It is after all only week three. Kansas City appears poised to wrestle the records of futility away from history's worst performers angling obviously for Andrew Luck, unloading the albatross that is Matt Cassel's contract, and getting Todd Haley axe murdered. Lord knows what he did to those guys but it is pretty clear his players would rather see a polar bear rape him that to play one more down for the guy. That of course leads us to Denver. I won't waste a lot of words on how pathetic this organization has become and how fast and far their fall from grace has been and how it is showing absolutely zero signs of recovery whatsoever. The global economy has a better chance of winning the Super Bowl. I've seen revolutionaries in the middle east treated better by their government that the fans are treating Kyle Orton. They might actually be a .500 team if all of their games were on the road. That leaves us Oakland and really, if we can't beat Oakland, then once again we deserve to sit at home or go hang out in PB and start fights at Bar West during the playoffs.

I only wish that at some point, the organization and the coaches and the players would figure out that to be considered a Super Bowl team among the media and the league elite, you actually sometime need to beat the league elite. I'm a bit tired of this rouse that we're the most talented team around only to continue our losing ways against the Jets, Steelers and Patriots. Norv told the media this week that we were very close to winning that game, if it weren't for those pesky four turnovers. Look at our record when we lose the turnover battle. For that matter, just look at how many times we've turned the ball over versus how many times we've taken it back. Wait, don't do that, it'll only depress you. Look at this instead...

Until we start playing actual real NFL quality football, instead of running around poorly fucking the football, people like Kevin Acee and Nick Canepa can stop telling me we're going to win the Super Bowl. Fucking prove it. Destroy Kansas City's face and get their coach fired, give it to Denver prison style and try not to dump to a Dolphin squad that is just the prototypical team where we'll diarrhea all over ourselves after a night of drinking. Go into the bye week 4-1 and get ready to play the tough part of the schedule. I just don't actually believe that any of the coaches take this as seriously as we do.

I'd actually love to celebrate a Super Bowl some time in my life. Preferably before the team packs up their dysfunctional shit, gets a coach I actually like and pleases all those dipshit Laker fuckers by winning the Lombardi Trophy in fucking Los Angeles. That will be the death blow. Since we've begun the trend of videotaping and posting the results, should that nightmare scenario occur, I'll post an HD video of my head exploding if I see a guy in a Kobe Bryant jersey cheering for the Chargers with confetti falling from the rooftop and a Spanos holding the trophy on high. Good good, I'd rather die on a derailed high speed rail car to nowhere.

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