Thursday, August 09, 2007

The First Cut Is The Deepest.

So I was going to Cut that kid from High School Musical, only there were two problems with that. First off, most of you probably have no idea what the fuck High School Musical is because you aren’t maladjusted whack-a-doos like me that actually tune in to Disney Channel from time to time. I only do because the sitcoms are much more like those I grew up on where the humor is not uncomfortable, the sexual commentary is not overt and the endings are always happy with a heaping helping of whacky. A simpler time, really. It's really no more childish than fucking Entourage. The other problem is, how can I Cut that kid without Cutting this kid?

Not only was this kid in High School Musical, he was in a freaking jump-roping movie. No shit. And what’s up with that hair? That’s an entire Cut unto itself. How is anybody taking that haircut seriously? I keep expecting that kid to step on, like 50 rakes.

Too easy. I’m digressing, regressing and depressing right now so I’ll just get to the real Cut.

For the first cut of the season, I’m going to go ahead and put the Kibosh on guys who insist on backing into parking spaces. Fuck you guys! I say “the guys” who do this because only guys do it. Only fat guys or guys who aspire to be like their fat guy fathers. Now I understand that backing your Ford F-150 into a compact size parking space is supposed to show the world that you have supreme control over your vehicular domain, but seriously, it hardly ever works out that way.

The other night I listened to my dipshit fat guy neighbor spend 15 minutes trying to back his brand new Nissan Titan (which also deserves a Cut because it’s a truck for douche bags) into his parking space. I seriously doubt it would have taken him 15 minutes to back out of his parking space if he had just pulled it in the right way in the first place. I want to call him a fucktard, but I feel that the word “fucktard” is way overused on blogs the world over. As is the word “blog.” In summation, fuck you if I and 50 other people spend 10 minutes waiting for you to back your poor excuse for a truck because it’s got a super king cab so the bed is only three feet long into a parking spot at the Murph on Sundays during football season this year. Fuck you in the goat ass.

Since I’m here, I’m going to throw down some Charger talk for a second. I know a lot of people have been wondering, if not worrying, about how Norvert Turner will do at the helm of our great footballing squad. Well, I’m here to alleviate your apprehension. From CBS Sportsline:

"Everyone is interested in a couple of other guys, but I really am impressed with Malcom Floyd," Turner said. "Because I think he is taking steps to be a complete receiver.”

I’ve been saying for a year that Malcolm Floyd is the shit. For one thing, he sure as hell would have dragged his toe in the end zone against the Patriots in January. I’m looking at you Big Vin. Anyway, if Norvy is nearly as insightful as yours truly, whoever wins the NFC probably won’t even bother showing up to face us in the Super Bowl. You know who definitely won’t be showing up for the big game? Arizona. Just ask their starting QB. Yep, that’s right, Matt Leinart has already planned a big Superbowl party in Arizona for the night before the game. That must just warm those Zony hearts. Way to go, Matt, at least your not buying into that “Sleeper Team” bullshit.

That’s pretty much it, but before I go, I ask you not to judge me too harshly. This chick got her start on the Disney Channel for Christ’s sake.

Also, Jesus was gay. Go Bolts!!!


FryanEgg said...

I was going to comment, but the "Jesus was gay" post kind of blew everything up. That might be the most offensive thing ever...and I am not sure why.

Aussie Dave said...

Hi there,

You might not be aware of it, but you are hotlinking my Sideshow Bob image (i.e. pointing to the image on my server, rather than uploading on your own). That causes bandwidth usage on my side.

Could you please fix it?

Thank you kindly.