L.T. is old, Get it?

I've read sillier things than this article, but pointing out the obvious can only take you so far. Read the piece and decide for yourself.

Just in case you feel like forgoing the link, I'll sum up the article thusly (and yes I'm using fancypants words like "thusly" to look and sound infinitely smarter than I am):

* L.T. is old, 30 in fact
* L.T. is mad and has Mr. Chip on his shoulder
* L.T. is healthy, something he has not been for the better part of two years
* L.T. is ready to show us he's not a player in decline
* L.T. is slower at 30 than he was at 25, so are all 30 year old running backs
* L.T. is poised to have a big year, but don't be surprised if he doesn't

Anyway, that's the gist of it, and in hindsight, it's a poorly written article with no point whatsoever, but it's football related and I need every football fix I can get right now. Season begins in less than two weeks. Think about that for a minute and try to contain yourselves...

Stirring the Shit Pot...

I'm apologizing in advance for posting this, but that's merely an advanced apology for nothing as I am taking wonderful delight in the demise of the shit ponies. Had I the ability to type out uncontrollable mocking, sarcastic laughter, I would do that here, but I'm far to mature an adult for that...heh.

Experimental Thoughts....

As you all may know, I'm all for the footballing. Love the game, love it on the t.v., in person, even though it costs roughly the equivalent of the GDP of Brazil to attend at the Murph anymore (thanks Spanos'!!) but I'm a bit torn on this

While part of me wants to cram as much footballing into my life as possible, the other part would desire that when I'm screaming obscenities at the television, it's in the form of relevant starter on starter football and not meaningless week 18 fodder of playoff bound practice squadders fighting for contracts in the following year against the 0-17 Lions... Football yes, meaningless games that players are faking injuries during for their self preservation? No thanks. Well, not unless there are ample wings and beers, then by all means...

It's Sort Of AFC West News

Okay, the only reason I'm actually linking this is for the reference to the AT&T Rollover Minutes MILF. Totally.

WOW! An Interview for the Ages...

Not really, more like a pre-season suck-off with ol' Laserface himself...

You can see more of Marmalard here.

AJ Is Not Worried...

...about his offensive line's inability to do offensive line stuff. Between him, Nicky and me that makes one of us.

And Nicky blows his one column a year that doesn't give me neck sprain before the regular season starts? That's poor clock management, my friend.

Chargers To Smokers: Suck It...Somewhere Else

So the Chargers have eliminated all smoking areas inside the stadium. This is one of the reasons I quit smoking. Because sooner or later it will be considered an out and out crime. So, good for me; I don't care because this doesn't affect me and that is the modern American way. I do wonder, though, if it's such a hot idea to alienate any group of fans in a panicked economy when you're worried about selling enough tickets to lift TV blackouts. Shit, maybe this will affect me. I also wonder how fair it is to change the rules after you've sold the ticket. I wouldn't be surprised to see some kind of lawsuit. I'd be even less surprised to see it lose because to be a smoker in California is to be Black Bart these days. But if the Chargers want to ban stuff in the stadium in order to make for a more pleasant fan experience for everyone else, how about neck tattoos?

Plaxico Burress Interview

I'm sure by now most of you have seen the portion of Plaxico's E:60 interview that they've been showing on ESPN where he tells what happened that night he shot himself in the leg. It's not really even all that interesting if you ask me but my favorite part is where the reporter asks the whitest question I've ever heard: "Why didn't you have a holster?" Way to be out of touch, ESPN. Or maybe they were asking what was on the minds of their 80 year old viewing audience. You know, keep that demo happy? Reminded me of the time an engineer at my work was shocked-SHOCKED-that I didn't wear a helmet when riding my beach cruiser on the boardwalk.

Good News.

Philip Rivers signs 6 year/$92 million contract.

Whaddya Know, Charger Football. Sort of.

So, whilst away vacationing in the great North Woods of Minnesota, I put off my posting in earnest for a bit and tried to be a Twins fan so that I could delude myself into believing that preseason football wasn't really happening and that baseball was still more than passingly entertaining. It worked for a quick minute, as I was only able to catch a handful of snaps during the not-blacked-out-in-Minnesota Chargers Preseason game against...someone? Seattle, maybe? I don't know, I was drunk and it was nice to sees guys in football clothes running around, but it wasn't real. This past weekend, while still rather drunk, I was able to actually catch about half of the game against...the Cardinals, I think. Some thoughts:

• I really like Legedu Naanee[?]. Not only is his name super fun to say, he seems to be in the mix when he's in the game, you know? Beautiful long strike by Rivers to a very nice grab by Naanee[?] to open the action.
• Glorious to see Cromartie finding the ball. I'll have some more of that, please. Guy needs to be a superstar.
• O-Line. That's a problem.

That's all I got. Seriously, that's every last thing I remember and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yesterday, John smoltz owned the Padres after letting every team he faced as a Red Sock hit BP against him until the team jettisoned him, and now all I want to do is go into a coma until preseason is over.

One last thing:

• According to the local radio goons this morning, former Chargers punter Darren Bennet was a consultant on the construction of the new Texas Stadium, and he told Jerry Jones that the giant screen should be at least 115 feet off of the ground so that only the best punters would hit it and only sometimes. Jones hung the screen at 90 feet anyway and now they'll probably have to spend $2,000,000 to raise it 25 feet. Check out the way Jones whines about how the mean ole punter tried to hit it the other night here. Glorious!

Yeah, I bulleted ONE point, so what? Bullet points rule! I love them almost as much as commas. Go Bolts!!!

AJ's Mistakes Aren't Worth Mentioning

So says Kevin Acee, who was on local radio once again, blaming everyone but AJ for the Chargers decline over the last few seasons. When asked about the drafting of Buster Davis, Acee admitted that it probably wasn't the best pick, but since we don't need him it's no big deal. So AJ gets a pass on throwing away a 1st round pick on a guy that no other team had scouted anywhere near the 1st round. And before you give me any garbage about how AJ hit on guys like Castillo and Cromartie in spots they weren't expected to go, please keep in mind that those guys only slipped due to injury or controversy, not due to the fact that they weren't even the best receiver on their team in college.

I Know Television Personalities.

I'm only posting the following video because I know the brunette in the Vincent Jackson jersey and since she gets more air time here than LaDainian Tomlinson, I'm pretty sure that makes me awesome by association.
 
"We're gonna come home with a ring this year!" The fan in me says "Yes!" but the remaining functioning brain cells in me wish they shared her optimism.

Eli Manning Effing Sucks!

I've been saying for a long time now that I could not care less that Eli Manning temper tantrummed his way out of a Chargers jersey years ago (who knew he could hold his breath that long?), and as far as I'm concerned-or any San Diego fan should be concerned, for that matter-we made out like bandits in the deal. Problem is, Eli has a ring and a fancy last name and that just got him a ridculous new contract with the VaGiants. I don't care to report the exact numbers here because i don't feel like looking them up, but suffice it to say that he's going to be making about $100 million over the next 6 years and that is a crock of shit. This ultimately means we will have to pay Rivers somewhere in that territory (or more, since statistically he makes Eli look like Archie, who must've been the nicest guy to ever play since he's remembered as a talent and I can't find talent anywhere near any numbers he ever put up (and don't give me that, "he had no talent around him bullshit, because lots of QBs have been considered NFL busts even though they played for shit teams-any QB the Lions ever drafted for instance-and yeah, I double paranthesized[?])). What the fuck was I talking about? [Scrolls back] Oh, right, the Bolts are going to likely have to give up the richest contract in franchise history to keep Rivers and that should pretty much put the final nail in any hope some of you may be retaining that we'll somehow scrounge up the coin it'll take to keep Shawn Merriman after this season. My advice? Buy stock (or at least a jersey) in Larry English. Happy Wednesday, Chargers fans!

Cromartie's Twat...

...gets him a fine. More draconian management from G.M. Gunslinging Godafather*? Just kidding, Twitter is stupid. You know, until I get into it.

*inadvertant 'a.' It stays.

Maybe Bilichek Isn't All Bad?

I believe that this was likely a move to drive Al Davis crazy[ier?], of which I am all in favor. Imagine Brady goes down again this year and Andre Walter takes the Pats into the postseason throwing TDs to Randy Moss, while the Raiders toil at around 4 or 5 regular season wins with Jamarcus Russell throwing INTs in the direction of Javon Walker and Darrius Heywood-Bey. So glorious. What could be next? Turning Denver's defense into a Pro Bowl squad? I'd have to start giving the Hoodie some credit at that point, for sure.

Yeah, Pretty Much.

From Peter King's Monday Morning Quarterback column this morning referrring to the Football Outsiders Almanac 2009:

g. And now for the projection that interests me more than any in the 2009 book: The Chargers have the strongest projection of any team in the six years that this book has measured preseason projections. Previously, the strongest preseason projection belonged to the 2007 Patriots. "However,'' says Schatz, "this does not mean we are predicting that the Chargers will go undefeated or even make it to the Super Bowl, because they are still coached by Norv Turner."


"The Chargers project to have the offense of the 2008 Chargers and the defense of the 2007 Chargers. They were the highest-rated offense by Football Outsider stats last year, in particular the best passing game in pretty much every possible fashion except, amazingly, when throwing to tight ends, because of Antonio Gates' injury. The defense is likely to rebound from last year's decline, especially given the level of injury it had last year. The Chargers also have excellent special teams and we project them with one of the easiest schedules in the league, partly because the projections have the rest of the AFC West as really weak."

I'm sure if you go back and peruse the archives here, you'll find at least a couple of posts where I desperately try to defend the Norv Turner signing when it happened. That is just one of the reasons that if I had a time machine I'd probably just use it to jump back to various points in my life and punch myself in the face.

AJ Gets The Word Out...

...by jamming his hand up his Kevin Acee puppet's ass.

Kevin Acee breaks down special teams on signonsandiego.com today. He gushes praise for Scifres, Kaeding, Sproles and even David Binn. Here's what he says about Kassim Osgood:

Osgood, a disgruntled receiver, is fast and aggressive and shows hands and athleticism on kick coverage that he evidently can not from scrimmage.

Seems a bit uncalled for. Or, actually "called for" by John Wayne perhaps? Disgruntled or not, Osgood is a pro bowl special teamer and as such it shouldn't be surprising that he might seek an expanded role on the team. Does he deserve a spot on the starting line-up? Nope. Did he deserve a fair shot? Probably. Lots of skill players get their start on special teams. Too bad. Gotta get the word out that Osgood's a no-good malcontent. AJ really has these local hacks trained.

San Diego Hall Of Awesome

A picture is worth a thousand words.



Been a long time since these days:



I doubt that works in jail. He probably won't achieve this level of fame ever again:

Anybody There?

I came across this is the Truth & Rumors section over at CNNSI.COM via the Arizona Republic and decided it was interesting enough to break my silence over here:

"Ryan Leaf and Peyton Manning came out of college together and, as the two hot QB prospects that year, compared notes from time to time about their experiences. After they were drafted, Manning told Leaf about how well the Colts organization treated him. They basically bent over backward to make his transition to the NFL as smooth as possible, taking care of all the non-football stuff so Peyton could concentrate on immersing himself into the Colts offense. Manning was stunned to hear that Leaf's experience was completely different. Our golfing partner said that Leaf was basically left to figure it out for himself. If that's true, you combine it with the legendary stories about what an immature jerk Leaf is and begin understand why he crashed so quickly. Again, this is coming from a family friend. Who knows what the Chargers did or did not do for their rookie QB, or whether their management team was equipped to deal with such a high-maintenance player. Regardless of who was at fault for the failed Leaf-Chargers marriage, the allegedly shabby treatment of Leaf stuck with the Manning clan. And, our new golf buddy explained, that's why Archie Manning, the patriarch, threw such a fit on draft day when Eli was picked by San Diego."

From the impression Ryan Leaf has made in his years in the spotlight, I believe that this is likely only true in Ryan Leaf's and the Manning family's eyes. I mean, I wouldn't be surprised to find out the Leaf turned down any offers of assistance in his personal affairs from the Chargers and then told Manning those offers were never extended when he heard Manning's story. That's what self-absorbed, overgrown baby, dickheads do. They place blame for their mistakes on others. I think, that after all was said and done, that this article speaks worse of the Manning's for believing that piece of shit more than anything else. I got over Eli's snub a long time ago, but this is the sort of crap that could reignite it. What's the point of dredging this shit up again? And if you are going to, you might want to look into what Drew Brees and Philip Rivers have to say about their rookie situation in San Diego. You know, cause they actually played for the GM that would have handled Eli, and not the previous one? Fucking stupid off-season reporting. Isn't Brett Favre doing something interesting? Couldn't you get a ticket to Patriots camp? Let's stop making excuses for this jerk:

That's the sort of thing that's ruining this damn country!

On an only somewhat related note, the plan here is to really open this blog up again this coming season, and if anybody out there is still checking in, spread the word that we are not completely without a pulse over here. Let's make this thing a real fucking institution!

Hello? Anybody Still Here?

Okay, so I haven't posted anything in about a million years here because I've been so ambivalent regarding this team. Well, I'm still ambivalent within the rational thinking part of my noggin, but as for the deep primitive recesses of my brain I'm pretty much freaking out in a good way. I'm considering some sort of long-winded analysis of the team's season and the upcoming game against Lamesburgh (couldn't think of any derogatory words that rhyme with Pitt), but only if there is still any life among the readers. So, if you care to hear me ramble on about what I think, let me know in the comments and I'll crap something out of my cakehole before Sunday. Until then, this is pretty sweet:


It should say actual size in the corner.