Friday, November 22, 2013

I'm Fashioning A Shiv Right Now

Okay, we've really been slacking here, but in our defense this season went off the rails pretty badly. I had to rethink everything I ever thought I knew about football. I mean, is it possible that my early prediction of a 12-4 season was biased in some way by some strange factor? My love of the team? My hatred of Norv and AJ? My desperate need to see a San Diego Chargers Superbowl Championship before they get the Hell* out of dodge? I don't know. I apparently know nothing.

What is there to say at this point? We're still technically in it? I'm still technically in it in one of my fantasy leagues where I started 0-7, but I'm not going to start popping champaign over it. I could mention how injuries on this squad have been ridiculous this year, but what's the point? I could read off a laundry list of key players who are out for the season. Denario Alexander, Malcolm Floyd, Jared Gaither**, Melvin Ingram***, Dwight Freeney, Your Mom and a ton of other guys who've missed time like it's alien abduction week on Desination America, but what's the point? No, I'm still hopeful that this team is heading in the right direction, or at least the "righter" direction, but to think this season is going to be the kind of pleasant surprise I was hoping for is silly. I mean, believe me, I'm still rooting and crying and breaking stuff and whatnot, but I've accepted our fate. I'm just going to go ahead and be thankful we're not the Falcons or their fans. Those people actually thought they were going to the superbowl this year. Ouch.

Anyway, that's all well and good and I'm glad we're all in agreement, but Chargers football is not what I'm here to talk about. What I want to discuss is Charlie Manson. Yes, that Chuck Manson. Charleston Manson's not being shanked to death in jail by now is really testing my faith in the system. Can we get somebody on that? A recent article states that some 25 year old woman wants to marry Chuck. Her name is Star. Obviously. Chuck gave her that name. Of course. But Chuck is like, and I'm paraphrasing here, "Fuck that shit. Not interested." Delightful! Charles Manson is almost as magical as Hitler. At some point, as a society, don't we have to look at 25 year old, perfectly healthy, not entirely unattractive women who want to marry a ridiculous homicidal weirdo like Chuck and say, "Nope, we're going to have to go ahead and put you down?" If she were a pitbull or a bear, she'd have been buried out back by now. I mean, what are the odds she's going to "snap out of it" and start contributing? This world. If there's any justice she will be knocked out by a group of any old teenagers anywhere playing a game that all teenagers play regardless of any apparent significant relative factors.

Thanks for allowing me to rant. Way too big a post for Facebook. Enjoy your football weekend. I think we clobber the Chiefs. Go Bolts!!!

*Why won't my phone capitalize Hell? It's a fucking place. And we're all probably going there.
**He will always be a Charger. That's the jersey they'll hang in the Hall someday.
***I know he might be coming back, but I don't know why.

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