I hate the radio. Yesterday I forgot my iPod and was subjected to the public airwaves. It just so happened that A.J. Smith, AKA "The Godfather" was on XX 1090 at 3:30 in the afternoon. I listened intently. On three separate occasions I had to stop myself from driving into oncoming traffic in order to end the canned tough guy rhetoric. However, since this was the first rush hour in San Diego since the time change no one knew how to move their vehicle more than five miles per hour due to the severity of the darkness.
I'm listening to the interview again prior to publishing my first draft out of fairness. That should come tonight. I have not confirmed this, but I'd guess they have it on their website if you'd like to aggravate your senses. Although, if you're a flatbill, you'll love it. Stay tuned.
Tuesday, November 09, 2010
Monday, November 08, 2010
Fine!
Look, Phillip Rivers has stepped into Peyton Manning territory. No matter who he's throwing to. No matter how bad everything else is going. No matter how shitty the coach or how bad the locker room vibe is. Phillip Rivers is going to give these Bolts the opportunity to win. It didn't hurt that the officials helped us out a bit or that the Texans shelved their gameplan for something a little more erratic in the second half, but any way you slice it that was a huge win. Now the Chargers are very alive in the division and things actually look pretty bright.
I expect the defense to get a little worse and the special teams to get a little better going forward, but the offense is what butters the bread around here. This team will still probably get shredded in the playoffs, but I guess it's time for me to jump back on the bandwagon. I'm still going to rip Norv and I'm still going to rip AJ. I shudder to think about what the local media has probably already written at this point, but as far as the team on the field goes I'm back in. For now. I reserve the right to be all waffly this season. If you don't like it, too bad. Go Bolts!!!
I expect the defense to get a little worse and the special teams to get a little better going forward, but the offense is what butters the bread around here. This team will still probably get shredded in the playoffs, but I guess it's time for me to jump back on the bandwagon. I'm still going to rip Norv and I'm still going to rip AJ. I shudder to think about what the local media has probably already written at this point, but as far as the team on the field goes I'm back in. For now. I reserve the right to be all waffly this season. If you don't like it, too bad. Go Bolts!!!
Saturday, November 06, 2010
Psych!
Ha! I can't believe you fell for it! If you went with my picks last week you undoubtedly lost your house. And it serves you right; Gambling is a sin. Okay, I'll throw you a bone. Go sell a pint of blood and put your money on these picks. For real. Honest.
Tampa @ Atlanta
People are claiming Atlanta is the class of this division since the Saints are acting like they lost the Superbowl last year, but you gotta like how spunky these Bucs are. Or you can do as I do and not give a fuck. Michael Turner, please save my fantasy football season this week and prove to everybody I wasn't crazy to take you with the 4th overall pick again this year.
Bucs 17, Falcons 28
Miami @ Baltimore
I think I picked Miami to lose last week here, but I took them to win in my money pool. It did me no good in either case. I think Baltimore is one of three teams that I actually feel comfortable picking week to week, so I'm going to go with that.
Fins 20, Ravens 24
Chicago @ Buffalo
Buffalo has played good teams into OT the last two weeks, so I have no doubt they will get blown out by the awful Bears this week. And then the media will fall in love with Jay Cutler again for a week. That guy fucking blows goats.
Bears 34, Bills 21
New Orleans @ Carolina
You know who gets no respect? Old Orleans. Carolina sucks.
Saints 42, Panthers 13
New England @ Cleveland
You know who gets no respect? Cleveland. You thought I was going to say Old England, didn't you? But that would have been a lie, because Old E gets mad respect, yo. I don't no how good New E is, but I think Cleveland has burned their one major upset for the year. Peyton Hillis is good, but the Pats have like 6 crazy white guys on their team.
Pats 28, Browns 24
NY Jets @Detroit
I decided to start not hating the Jets last week and they just couldn't live with that. So now they can go fuck themselves again.
Jets 27, Lions 24
San Diego @ Houston
On the road. On TV. That is a bad combination for this year's Blue and Gold. Matt Schaub has taken something of a beating in the court of public opinion this year, so I expect him to light up our bullshit ranked defense this week. Rivers will have another amazing stat line after this one, but the rest of the team will probably have an amazing boneheaded fuck-up line this week. Sorry, faithful.
Bolts 30, Texans 35
Arizona @ Minnesota
If the Vikes can't get it together against the Cards somebody needs to load Chilly into a rocket and fire him into the sun.
Cards 16, Vikings 31
NY VaGiants @ Seattle
Ugh, I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating; Seattle is the worst! Oakland murdered them last week. Look, I fully expected Oakland to be better this year, but God if Denver and Seattle didn't make them look like the '94 Niners. Fucking Seattle. The VaGiants may be for real again. There's the jinx.
VaGiants 45, Seahawks 9
Kansas City @ Oakland
This is somehow the match-up of the week. Look, I am not surprised to see these teams putting in the effort this year, but these two fan bases are really trying to make me get over my Norv hatred and pull full force for my Bolts again. Seriously, you've sucked out loud for years, let's not slip back into cocky again so quickly.
Chiefs 20, Raiders 28
Indy @ Philly
You two teams wish you were the Chiefs and the Raiders. Poseurs. There is no way this game is televised locally. God, NFL programming sucks shit through a straw. Vick is back and he's barking mad. Get it? Barking? Never. Gets. Old. Peyton Manning to...me? Why not? I'm sure he'd make me a star, that magic quarterbacking man!
Colts 30, Iggles 28
Dallas @ Green Bay
Green Bay. God, how you annoy me. Honestly, I don't even know why, but if Dallas somehow manages to beat them after this pick I will be positive the feeling is mutual. Get packed, you fucking Packers.
Cowboys 28, Packers 34
Pitt @ Cincy
Let the plummet continue. People keep calling Cincy a big surprise disappointment and it makes me think no one was paying attention to the end of their season last year. That this team hasn't invested in a QB of the future yet tells me that they are drinking their own Kool-aid. Hope you enjoyed your season last year, because the Bengals will be sucking now and for the foreseeable future.
Steelers 30, Bengals 10
There, that should get all you losers back on your feet. Happy footballing!!!
Tampa @ Atlanta
People are claiming Atlanta is the class of this division since the Saints are acting like they lost the Superbowl last year, but you gotta like how spunky these Bucs are. Or you can do as I do and not give a fuck. Michael Turner, please save my fantasy football season this week and prove to everybody I wasn't crazy to take you with the 4th overall pick again this year.
Bucs 17, Falcons 28
Miami @ Baltimore
I think I picked Miami to lose last week here, but I took them to win in my money pool. It did me no good in either case. I think Baltimore is one of three teams that I actually feel comfortable picking week to week, so I'm going to go with that.
Fins 20, Ravens 24
Chicago @ Buffalo
Buffalo has played good teams into OT the last two weeks, so I have no doubt they will get blown out by the awful Bears this week. And then the media will fall in love with Jay Cutler again for a week. That guy fucking blows goats.
Bears 34, Bills 21
New Orleans @ Carolina
You know who gets no respect? Old Orleans. Carolina sucks.
Saints 42, Panthers 13
New England @ Cleveland
You know who gets no respect? Cleveland. You thought I was going to say Old England, didn't you? But that would have been a lie, because Old E gets mad respect, yo. I don't no how good New E is, but I think Cleveland has burned their one major upset for the year. Peyton Hillis is good, but the Pats have like 6 crazy white guys on their team.
Pats 28, Browns 24
NY Jets @Detroit
I decided to start not hating the Jets last week and they just couldn't live with that. So now they can go fuck themselves again.
Jets 27, Lions 24
San Diego @ Houston
On the road. On TV. That is a bad combination for this year's Blue and Gold. Matt Schaub has taken something of a beating in the court of public opinion this year, so I expect him to light up our bullshit ranked defense this week. Rivers will have another amazing stat line after this one, but the rest of the team will probably have an amazing boneheaded fuck-up line this week. Sorry, faithful.
Bolts 30, Texans 35
Arizona @ Minnesota
If the Vikes can't get it together against the Cards somebody needs to load Chilly into a rocket and fire him into the sun.
Cards 16, Vikings 31
NY VaGiants @ Seattle
Ugh, I may have mentioned this before, but it bears repeating; Seattle is the worst! Oakland murdered them last week. Look, I fully expected Oakland to be better this year, but God if Denver and Seattle didn't make them look like the '94 Niners. Fucking Seattle. The VaGiants may be for real again. There's the jinx.
VaGiants 45, Seahawks 9
Kansas City @ Oakland
This is somehow the match-up of the week. Look, I am not surprised to see these teams putting in the effort this year, but these two fan bases are really trying to make me get over my Norv hatred and pull full force for my Bolts again. Seriously, you've sucked out loud for years, let's not slip back into cocky again so quickly.
Chiefs 20, Raiders 28
Indy @ Philly
You two teams wish you were the Chiefs and the Raiders. Poseurs. There is no way this game is televised locally. God, NFL programming sucks shit through a straw. Vick is back and he's barking mad. Get it? Barking? Never. Gets. Old. Peyton Manning to...me? Why not? I'm sure he'd make me a star, that magic quarterbacking man!
Colts 30, Iggles 28
Dallas @ Green Bay
Green Bay. God, how you annoy me. Honestly, I don't even know why, but if Dallas somehow manages to beat them after this pick I will be positive the feeling is mutual. Get packed, you fucking Packers.
Cowboys 28, Packers 34
Pitt @ Cincy
Let the plummet continue. People keep calling Cincy a big surprise disappointment and it makes me think no one was paying attention to the end of their season last year. That this team hasn't invested in a QB of the future yet tells me that they are drinking their own Kool-aid. Hope you enjoyed your season last year, because the Bengals will be sucking now and for the foreseeable future.
Steelers 30, Bengals 10
There, that should get all you losers back on your feet. Happy footballing!!!
Thursday, November 04, 2010
Quick Thought on Sunday's Game
At some point I may get into analyzing the Bolts' upcoming games in a little more detail, but right now I want to make one quick observation about the match-up with the terribly named Houston Texans.
Everybody is pretty enamored with the Chargers and especially the offensive passing game. It has been widely noted that Rivers is on pace to topple Dan Marino's single season yardage record. Rivers was also just voted AFC player of the month for October. Conversely, the Houston Texans are not only the worst passing defense in the league so far this season, they are apparently the 5th worst passing defense in the history of the NFL through this portion of the season. Because of these noted realities, everybody in the sporting world rightly has Phillip Rivers and the San Diego passing attack penciled in for something along the lines of 500 yards and 5 TDs on Sunday. Anything less would be an utter disappointment.
Here's where I burst your bubble, Chargers fans. I know Norv Turner now. I understand how his mind works and it's terrifying. You see, Norv Turner is a proud member of the "They'll never see this coming" school of football coaching. Mark my words, this will be the week that Norv stubbornly tries to force the running game to kick into high gear. Rivers will end up getting a ton of yards and some TDs, but most of it will come in the 4th quarter as the Chargers desperately take to the air to overcome the horrible playcalling and awful special teams play that will have put them at a 14 to 20 point deficit. Will they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat or will they fall predictably short yet again? Tune in for my picks tomorrow to find out what I think will happen if you can't already figure it out on your own.
Everybody is pretty enamored with the Chargers and especially the offensive passing game. It has been widely noted that Rivers is on pace to topple Dan Marino's single season yardage record. Rivers was also just voted AFC player of the month for October. Conversely, the Houston Texans are not only the worst passing defense in the league so far this season, they are apparently the 5th worst passing defense in the history of the NFL through this portion of the season. Because of these noted realities, everybody in the sporting world rightly has Phillip Rivers and the San Diego passing attack penciled in for something along the lines of 500 yards and 5 TDs on Sunday. Anything less would be an utter disappointment.
Here's where I burst your bubble, Chargers fans. I know Norv Turner now. I understand how his mind works and it's terrifying. You see, Norv Turner is a proud member of the "They'll never see this coming" school of football coaching. Mark my words, this will be the week that Norv stubbornly tries to force the running game to kick into high gear. Rivers will end up getting a ton of yards and some TDs, but most of it will come in the 4th quarter as the Chargers desperately take to the air to overcome the horrible playcalling and awful special teams play that will have put them at a 14 to 20 point deficit. Will they snatch victory from the jaws of defeat or will they fall predictably short yet again? Tune in for my picks tomorrow to find out what I think will happen if you can't already figure it out on your own.
Wednesday, November 03, 2010
So What Happens
The Titans game was a win, make no mistake about it. We'll touch on that in a moment but the real story is Merriman is a a Bill. A Buffalo Bill. The way I see it, A.J. is a communist that deploys his former troops to Siberia. Good luck Shawne, I'm sure you'll enjoy your six weeks in Buffalo with a sore ankle that forces you to cheer more than you play prior to signing your multimillion deal with the Jets or Broncos. We will miss you.
For those of you who guiltlessly pirated the game last week we were the first to enjoy a home victory on television although it was the mexican feed. And well, there's a lesson t be learned from the mexican feed because every commercial features hot 'newscasters' in bikinis. Yeah, that's a bad business model.
Bottom line was we were lucky to win that game. Yeah, yeah, pessimist me. Kenny Britt dropped a sure fire touchdown and that offense abused us with the pass when they wanted to. Someone was kind enough to point out to me that we k.o.ed Vince Young from the game so now I suppose we'll take credit for self inflicted injuries.
Bottom line, that game was a win, which at that point was nice, but a blocked punt and poor pass defense were the cogs that put us behind the firing squad that thankfully Antonio Gates is immune to. The man is bulletproof. Many, many plays were given up in the secondary. Coaching will dictate whether or not we're prepared for the Schaub show. Let's hope so because the division is won or lost this week. The weinie division that is...
Go Bolting.
For those of you who guiltlessly pirated the game last week we were the first to enjoy a home victory on television although it was the mexican feed. And well, there's a lesson t be learned from the mexican feed because every commercial features hot 'newscasters' in bikinis. Yeah, that's a bad business model.
Bottom line was we were lucky to win that game. Yeah, yeah, pessimist me. Kenny Britt dropped a sure fire touchdown and that offense abused us with the pass when they wanted to. Someone was kind enough to point out to me that we k.o.ed Vince Young from the game so now I suppose we'll take credit for self inflicted injuries.
Bottom line, that game was a win, which at that point was nice, but a blocked punt and poor pass defense were the cogs that put us behind the firing squad that thankfully Antonio Gates is immune to. The man is bulletproof. Many, many plays were given up in the secondary. Coaching will dictate whether or not we're prepared for the Schaub show. Let's hope so because the division is won or lost this week. The weinie division that is...
Go Bolting.
Wednesday Nights are the Worst
I'm actually watching basketball. Early season basketball. On purpose!
Alright, a couple of things happened today. First, the Chargers obviously did not put a waiver claim on Randy Moss, because he is now a Titan. Of course, we all knew AJ wouldn't do it, but man I was looking forward to whatever that would have done to the Bolts. How often do you get a chance to experience' awesome if it works/awesome if it fails?' We'll never know, but the truth is, AJ was probably right on this one. Randy Moss obviously had zero respect for Chilly, and Chilly is Norvelle's NFC mirror image. Except-dear God-Chilly actually commands more power than Norv. Oh man, it would have been murder. I hate that I'm not going to get to see that. Moss will probably thrive under a coach like Jeff Fisher. It's a good thing this debacle didn't go down last week or Moss would have been our problem. That it happened this week only proves that God is paying me back for calling my fantasy team a juggernaut in week 4.
Secondly, Shawne Merriman was picked up off waivers by Buffalo, which was the very first team that had a shot at him. As I'm sure I've mentioned here before, I have some sort of weird, unnatural affection for those Bills. I think it stems from the four straight years I spent rooting for the Bills to end the NFC's dominance in the Superbowl. Four years is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Maybe I will always love them even if it didn't work out. Or maybe I like Buffalo because the rest of New York couldn't give a shit about them, and it seems to make sense that I should feel the opposite. Anyway, this is probably not so great for Merriman. It's weird that an 0-7 team is combing the waiver wire, but I guess it's just too hard to pass on a guy like that. Sure, the media thinks Merriman is washed up-it's hard to blame them because the numbers support that theory-but every Coach and GM in the league is looking at Merrimanimal and then they're looking at LaDainian. And then they're looking at Antonio Cromartie. And to some extent they're looking at Drew Brees and Michael Turner and they're asking themselves if the Chargers are any judge of talent or how to utilize players to maximize their strengths. I have no doubt we will see the resurgence of Shawne Merriman. Buffalo might not be the ideal stage, however.
Alright, a couple of things happened today. First, the Chargers obviously did not put a waiver claim on Randy Moss, because he is now a Titan. Of course, we all knew AJ wouldn't do it, but man I was looking forward to whatever that would have done to the Bolts. How often do you get a chance to experience' awesome if it works/awesome if it fails?' We'll never know, but the truth is, AJ was probably right on this one. Randy Moss obviously had zero respect for Chilly, and Chilly is Norvelle's NFC mirror image. Except-dear God-Chilly actually commands more power than Norv. Oh man, it would have been murder. I hate that I'm not going to get to see that. Moss will probably thrive under a coach like Jeff Fisher. It's a good thing this debacle didn't go down last week or Moss would have been our problem. That it happened this week only proves that God is paying me back for calling my fantasy team a juggernaut in week 4.
Secondly, Shawne Merriman was picked up off waivers by Buffalo, which was the very first team that had a shot at him. As I'm sure I've mentioned here before, I have some sort of weird, unnatural affection for those Bills. I think it stems from the four straight years I spent rooting for the Bills to end the NFC's dominance in the Superbowl. Four years is longer than any relationship I've ever had. Maybe I will always love them even if it didn't work out. Or maybe I like Buffalo because the rest of New York couldn't give a shit about them, and it seems to make sense that I should feel the opposite. Anyway, this is probably not so great for Merriman. It's weird that an 0-7 team is combing the waiver wire, but I guess it's just too hard to pass on a guy like that. Sure, the media thinks Merriman is washed up-it's hard to blame them because the numbers support that theory-but every Coach and GM in the league is looking at Merrimanimal and then they're looking at LaDainian. And then they're looking at Antonio Cromartie. And to some extent they're looking at Drew Brees and Michael Turner and they're asking themselves if the Chargers are any judge of talent or how to utilize players to maximize their strengths. I have no doubt we will see the resurgence of Shawne Merriman. Buffalo might not be the ideal stage, however.
Monday, November 01, 2010
Oh, Dear Lord
Check out this from Kevin Acee. A little quick with the "I told you so" there, aren't we AJ? My God, how long has he been waiting to dictate that article to his secretary at the UT? And that last part?
“Over the years our players are growing and believing in (Turner),” Smith said. “Letting go of the rope is never an option around here. Those who stop believing in him or us, we will quickly help them find a new organization for them to embrace and believe in.”
Oh AJ, can you help find another organization for me to embrace and believe in? You know, at least until you and your "outstanding head coach" are long gone. You make it impossible for me to like my team anymore, and I used to love this team! Please, somebody Kurt Russell this Billy Bob Thornton Tombstone style. I can't take much more of this.
“Over the years our players are growing and believing in (Turner),” Smith said. “Letting go of the rope is never an option around here. Those who stop believing in him or us, we will quickly help them find a new organization for them to embrace and believe in.”
Oh AJ, can you help find another organization for me to embrace and believe in? You know, at least until you and your "outstanding head coach" are long gone. You make it impossible for me to like my team anymore, and I used to love this team! Please, somebody Kurt Russell this Billy Bob Thornton Tombstone style. I can't take much more of this.
Randy Moss Waived
So after three games in Minnesota and one press conference where Moss basically fellated the entire Patriots organization the Vikings have essentially fired him to death. Of course, in doing so they have at the very least thrown away a 3rd round draft pick and may also end up on the hook for the remaining $3.8 million of Moss' contract if no other team claims him. A couple of questions:
Will Favre be far behind?
This is either one more huge testament to Childress' complete break down as a leader and the Vikings organizational idiocy or it is time to slash dollars and rebuild. I have no idea if the Vikings can save themselves any money by cutting Favre and moving on, but at this point nothing would surprise me.
Will the Chargers take a shot?
On the surface, it seems unlikely, but it makes some sense. Moss is a drama queen and not the sort of player that seems to fit AJ's mold. Basically, he talks to the media and that's bad. But the Bolts have been decimated at receiver throughout the season and Moss would no doubt make an impact here. AJ could always excuse himself from breaking character by pointing out what a smart Greg Myersish move it would be to pick up Moss if only to keep him out of the hands of our divisional rivals, with the added bonus that Moss won't cost us eleventy billion dollars to retain. Also, Moss would instantly translate into ticket sales.
Personally, I would love to see Moss come to San Diego. Either he bumps up production and helps us get our competetive footing back or he absolutely explodes the clubhouse and turns up the heat on Turner and AJ to nuclear levels. Who wouldn't want either of those things. Let's do this, Gunslinger. Oh wait, I mean don't even think about it, AJ! Reverse psychology does not ever not fail sometimes.
Will Favre be far behind?
This is either one more huge testament to Childress' complete break down as a leader and the Vikings organizational idiocy or it is time to slash dollars and rebuild. I have no idea if the Vikings can save themselves any money by cutting Favre and moving on, but at this point nothing would surprise me.
Will the Chargers take a shot?
On the surface, it seems unlikely, but it makes some sense. Moss is a drama queen and not the sort of player that seems to fit AJ's mold. Basically, he talks to the media and that's bad. But the Bolts have been decimated at receiver throughout the season and Moss would no doubt make an impact here. AJ could always excuse himself from breaking character by pointing out what a smart Greg Myersish move it would be to pick up Moss if only to keep him out of the hands of our divisional rivals, with the added bonus that Moss won't cost us eleventy billion dollars to retain. Also, Moss would instantly translate into ticket sales.
Personally, I would love to see Moss come to San Diego. Either he bumps up production and helps us get our competetive footing back or he absolutely explodes the clubhouse and turns up the heat on Turner and AJ to nuclear levels. Who wouldn't want either of those things. Let's do this, Gunslinger. Oh wait, I mean don't even think about it, AJ! Reverse psychology does not ever not fail sometimes.
Mea Culpa
The season's not quite over it seems. Of course, the Chiefs and Raiders also won, so we've gained no actual ground, but at least we actually won a game against a worthy opponent. We appear to have the Titans number. Unfortunately, I have very little idea how we won, since the game was once again blacked out and I'm no fan of computer viruses. In fact, every Chargers victory thus far has been blacked out. The average fan has not seen a win this year. Unbelievable. I've heard of bad home teams. I've heard of bad road teams. I've never heard of a bad TV team.
How did we pull this one off? Well, I've heard that Norvelle gave a fiery halftime speech that rallied the troups to victory. The media would have you believe it went something like this.
Yeah, sure. I think it probably went a little bit more like this.
But hey, they won, and the local media is desperate to give some credit to Norv and appease their fearless six-gun toting leader, AJ. The truth is, the Bolts still have firepower. They can score a dangerous amount of points when the offense is clicking. They will always be a threat to win in a shootout. But they are not consistent in that regard and are deficient in every other phase of the game (Seriously, another blocked punt?), so I'll enjoy the win, but I'm still not convinced. The power of negative thinking!
How did we pull this one off? Well, I've heard that Norvelle gave a fiery halftime speech that rallied the troups to victory. The media would have you believe it went something like this.
Yeah, sure. I think it probably went a little bit more like this.
But hey, they won, and the local media is desperate to give some credit to Norv and appease their fearless six-gun toting leader, AJ. The truth is, the Bolts still have firepower. They can score a dangerous amount of points when the offense is clicking. They will always be a threat to win in a shootout. But they are not consistent in that regard and are deficient in every other phase of the game (Seriously, another blocked punt?), so I'll enjoy the win, but I'm still not convinced. The power of negative thinking!
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wonderful Way to Start My Day!
The ESPN squad just tore into the Chargers. More importantly, Keyshawn Johnson laid the blame squarely on AJ Smith's shoulders. I could have shed tears of joy. This might be the best thing that has happened to the team in some time now. Up until this point, the national sports media has seemed to buy into AJ's tough guy persona and they have really given him a pass when it comes to the problems the team has. And why wouldn't they? ESPN calls upon Kevin Acee frequently as an expert Chargers correspondent. As has been noted here before, Acee is such a psycophantic lap dog that he makes Canepa look like a free spirit.
Oh man, this gets better and better. They just did a retrospective on Lombardi and Boomer, who is obviously trying to get me to change my tune about him, ended the piece by calling out the Chargers again. And who was featured for most of the piece? LaDainian Tomlinson, who is dangerously close to getting his TBE back. Take that, Norv. Seriously, take it and get the fuck out of here already.
And here is where I'm about to go hypocrite super nova. I hate the way San Diego fans can't get over their ex players, managers, bat boys, Tim Flannerys...etc. Am I happy for Drew Brees? Sure, but I don't cheer for it like it's some sort of accomplishment for San Diego. Fuck that noise. But I have to admit, I've fallen in love with Tomlinson all over again. I'm so happy for that guy right now, that I find it hard to hate the Jets. The Jets!!! I want him to get a ring so bad it will be crushing if the Jets don't win the whole thing this year. Tomlinson, you are TBE.
This all might be my hangover talking.
Oh man, this gets better and better. They just did a retrospective on Lombardi and Boomer, who is obviously trying to get me to change my tune about him, ended the piece by calling out the Chargers again. And who was featured for most of the piece? LaDainian Tomlinson, who is dangerously close to getting his TBE back. Take that, Norv. Seriously, take it and get the fuck out of here already.
And here is where I'm about to go hypocrite super nova. I hate the way San Diego fans can't get over their ex players, managers, bat boys, Tim Flannerys...etc. Am I happy for Drew Brees? Sure, but I don't cheer for it like it's some sort of accomplishment for San Diego. Fuck that noise. But I have to admit, I've fallen in love with Tomlinson all over again. I'm so happy for that guy right now, that I find it hard to hate the Jets. The Jets!!! I want him to get a ring so bad it will be crushing if the Jets don't win the whole thing this year. Tomlinson, you are TBE.
This all might be my hangover talking.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Stick With Me Kids...
I don't want to brag. I need to. I've been in this weekly pick 'em pool now for the last four weeks and I've already won twice, so suffice it to say I'm probably a God. Various hotels in Vegas have been sending me flyers and e-mails promoting hotels in Reno, because they fear my gambling prowess. And rightly so. If you want to high roll it with the likes of me, good luck. Probably won't happen because I'm very selective about the company I keep. But you can start your own Empire of Awesome by picking what I pick, because I'm pretty sure my picks determine the outcome of the games and not the other way around. Behold!
Denver @ Frisco in somewhere in Europe
Ugh, Limeys. They deserve this game as far as I'm concerned. If these teams decide not to come back we're all better for it. I think Frisco takes a note from their fuck all baseball team and hands it to the Broncos. Seriously, I can't pick a team that just took a 45 point shellacking from Oakland. Not even if it were the time travelling '76 Raiders. Broncos 17, 49ers 24
Jax @ Dallas
I honestly think Dallas will settle down and work the fundementals better with Kitna behind center. This team can grind it out and dictate a game when they aren't infatuated with making the big play. more importantly, I think the Jags are terrible. Jags 16, Cowboys 28
Miami @ Cincy
So, Cincy is that team. The team that amazed everybody for a season before fading back to obscurity behind shitty coaching and suspect personnel. But Miami is also a that team. They are that team that gets shit on by officials and always has the ball bounce the other way. And they are on the road. Fins 24, Bengals 27
Buffalo @ Kansas City
I know Kansas City blows this game. Everybody is starting to believe in them, so of course they're going to choke. and Buffalo may suck, but they've taken some damn good teams to the wire this season. They will get their first win. But I'm not going to call it. Bills 28, Chiefs 30
Washington @ Detroit
I have no idea why I am picking Washington here. It is probably because, like everyone else I am looking at their record and thinking "McNabb must be putting up some numbers out there." He is not. Maybe this week he will. Skins 20, Lions 17
Carolina @ St. Louis
Remember when these two teams played one of the most exciting NFC Championship games ever? Can you believe that was only 7 years ago? This game will not be nearly as exciting. Panthers 14, Rams 16
Green Bay @ New York Jets
As I've said before, I didn't buy into Green Bay before half their team went on IR, so why should I buy them now? And I've fully accepted that LaDainian will be the next disgruntled Ex-Charger to win a Superbowl ring. Where will Merriman land? Packers 17, Jets 27
Tennessee @ San Diego
I'll let you in on a little secret as far as my success in winning my pick 'em pool. I'm one of the only people who will pick against the Chargers, so I end up with a one game advantage to start. Cash in the bank, people. Chris Johnson for the win, I'm sorry to say. Titans 31, Bolts 30
Minnesota @ New England
Once again, Minnesota is coming apart and needs this one more. Moss has something to prove. Blah, blah, blah. Vikings 24, Pats 20
Tampa @ Arizona
Raheem Morris said the Bucs are the best team in the NFC the other day. I like his style there, but it's the kiss of death. Arizona's weapons come alive this week. It's time. Bucs 27, Arizona 30
Seattle @ Oakland
Gotta give Oakland credit for obliterating the Broncos. And I still can't fully explain it, but I hate the fucking Seahawks so much it hurts. Seahawks 20, Raiders 27
Pitt @ New Orleans
New Orleans is a town that prides itself on rising from the wet, mushy ashes. They're team just lost to the Browns, who are basically wet, mushy ashes. Expect New Orleans to redeem themselves against the mighty Steelers so I have to listen to the media blow Drew Brees for a week. Steelers 21, Saints 35
Houston @ Indy
Indy is beat down right now. Houston will fall all over themselves trying to take advantage of it. That team just can't stay out of it's own way when push comes to shove. Texans 24, Colts 34
Tell the people. Go football!!!
Denver @ Frisco in somewhere in Europe
Ugh, Limeys. They deserve this game as far as I'm concerned. If these teams decide not to come back we're all better for it. I think Frisco takes a note from their fuck all baseball team and hands it to the Broncos. Seriously, I can't pick a team that just took a 45 point shellacking from Oakland. Not even if it were the time travelling '76 Raiders. Broncos 17, 49ers 24
Jax @ Dallas
I honestly think Dallas will settle down and work the fundementals better with Kitna behind center. This team can grind it out and dictate a game when they aren't infatuated with making the big play. more importantly, I think the Jags are terrible. Jags 16, Cowboys 28
Miami @ Cincy
So, Cincy is that team. The team that amazed everybody for a season before fading back to obscurity behind shitty coaching and suspect personnel. But Miami is also a that team. They are that team that gets shit on by officials and always has the ball bounce the other way. And they are on the road. Fins 24, Bengals 27
Buffalo @ Kansas City
I know Kansas City blows this game. Everybody is starting to believe in them, so of course they're going to choke. and Buffalo may suck, but they've taken some damn good teams to the wire this season. They will get their first win. But I'm not going to call it. Bills 28, Chiefs 30
Washington @ Detroit
I have no idea why I am picking Washington here. It is probably because, like everyone else I am looking at their record and thinking "McNabb must be putting up some numbers out there." He is not. Maybe this week he will. Skins 20, Lions 17
Carolina @ St. Louis
Remember when these two teams played one of the most exciting NFC Championship games ever? Can you believe that was only 7 years ago? This game will not be nearly as exciting. Panthers 14, Rams 16
Green Bay @ New York Jets
As I've said before, I didn't buy into Green Bay before half their team went on IR, so why should I buy them now? And I've fully accepted that LaDainian will be the next disgruntled Ex-Charger to win a Superbowl ring. Where will Merriman land? Packers 17, Jets 27
Tennessee @ San Diego
I'll let you in on a little secret as far as my success in winning my pick 'em pool. I'm one of the only people who will pick against the Chargers, so I end up with a one game advantage to start. Cash in the bank, people. Chris Johnson for the win, I'm sorry to say. Titans 31, Bolts 30
Minnesota @ New England
Once again, Minnesota is coming apart and needs this one more. Moss has something to prove. Blah, blah, blah. Vikings 24, Pats 20
Tampa @ Arizona
Raheem Morris said the Bucs are the best team in the NFC the other day. I like his style there, but it's the kiss of death. Arizona's weapons come alive this week. It's time. Bucs 27, Arizona 30
Seattle @ Oakland
Gotta give Oakland credit for obliterating the Broncos. And I still can't fully explain it, but I hate the fucking Seahawks so much it hurts. Seahawks 20, Raiders 27
Pitt @ New Orleans
New Orleans is a town that prides itself on rising from the wet, mushy ashes. They're team just lost to the Browns, who are basically wet, mushy ashes. Expect New Orleans to redeem themselves against the mighty Steelers so I have to listen to the media blow Drew Brees for a week. Steelers 21, Saints 35
Houston @ Indy
Indy is beat down right now. Houston will fall all over themselves trying to take advantage of it. That team just can't stay out of it's own way when push comes to shove. Texans 24, Colts 34
Tell the people. Go football!!!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
I Think You're Wrong...
...Random sports media guy.
The following statement, from Andy Benoit over at CBS Sports, regarding Brett Favre coverage shows just how much disconnect there is between the sports media and fans:
a.) You like it. Even if you’re part of the vocal majority that loves to groan about how much you don’t like it, deep down you really do like it. Or, in the very least, you like that you don’t like it. You like that you can pretend to be above it all. But you’re not. None of us are. That’s why we all watched with keen interest Sunday night.
I'd say that what these clowns fail to realize is that sports fans want to read about sports, and if that's all there is to read about, that's what we'll read. It doesn't mean we like it, or more importantly, that we lie about disliking it, which is what Benoit is suggesting. It's that there is no other choice. Sports media covers it because it's easy to cover and they enjoy that ease in their jobs because the other option hurts their fragile brains. There's a bounty of "information" and even more of a bounty of opinion. The pundits can all play off of each other and stir up fake controversy and whatnot. The same bullshit that applies to Favre applies to other media favorites like the Yankees, the Lakers, Lebron, etc... It's the same reason the media pines for football dynasties and claim everyone else does too. Too hard to cover football when it's hard to tell who's the best. Ultimately, it's like politics, religion or anything else where the media tries to tell people what they should think. They say to themselves, "If everybody in the room with me agrees, then everybody in the country must feel the same way, or there is something wrong with them." After all, look how smart we all are. Well, fuck your fucking Brett Favre stories. I really don't give a shit. Swear to God. I guess that makes me weird.
And as for why we all watched Sunday night? Maybe it was because it was the only game on. And maybe we like watching a big division rivalry. Sure it has a little bit to do with the whole Favre returning to Green Bay angle, but how much story is that at this point? It's the third or fourth time it's happened fo far. So what's the story? What's worth all the coverage and what does Benoit think compelled us to watch if not the fact that it's football and we all love it? It's probably not because we thought Favre might pull his dick out and show it to Aaron Rodgers. Probably. It's football. We're going to take what we can get. And that is, unfortunately, whatever the league and the writers will give us. Thank God for blogs. But not this one, because I just covered the media's coverage of Brett Favre, which is gay. Or is it meta? What the fuck is meta anyway?
And check out this gem, from later in Benoit's column:
8. Kudos to FOX studio analystsNormally I wouldn’t do this, but the FOX studio analysts deserve acknowledgement for their late shift Sunday. They didn’t have to stay any later than usual, but they did have to stick around and do a halftime show for the Cardinals-Seahawks game, even though that was the lone late window contest on FOX. That must have been rough. Think about it: only the states of Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Idaho and parts of Montana, Kansas, and tiny parts of Florida and Ohio, got that game. This means FOX’s big dogs spent an entire afternoon at work just so they could talk for two or three minutes about what amounted to a locally televised contest. How tempting must it have been for Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael and Jimmy to simply record a generic halftime report at the end of the early window games so that they could just head out and enjoy the rest of the NFL action from the comfort of their living or hotel room?
Oh, those poor bastards at Fox had to stick around for a bunch of worthless yocals and pretend to care about a game that didn't even feature Brett Favre? The horror! I hope Fox throws them and extra couple hundred grand for the hardship. Nobody cares about the Cardinals and the Seahawks. Not even their fans, who certainly care more about Brett Favre, the Cowboys or the Post Katrina Saints. Hopefully, they spent those few terrible moments talking about Kurt Warner on Dancing with the Stars. You know, something the whole nation can relate to.
The following statement, from Andy Benoit over at CBS Sports, regarding Brett Favre coverage shows just how much disconnect there is between the sports media and fans:
a.) You like it. Even if you’re part of the vocal majority that loves to groan about how much you don’t like it, deep down you really do like it. Or, in the very least, you like that you don’t like it. You like that you can pretend to be above it all. But you’re not. None of us are. That’s why we all watched with keen interest Sunday night.
I'd say that what these clowns fail to realize is that sports fans want to read about sports, and if that's all there is to read about, that's what we'll read. It doesn't mean we like it, or more importantly, that we lie about disliking it, which is what Benoit is suggesting. It's that there is no other choice. Sports media covers it because it's easy to cover and they enjoy that ease in their jobs because the other option hurts their fragile brains. There's a bounty of "information" and even more of a bounty of opinion. The pundits can all play off of each other and stir up fake controversy and whatnot. The same bullshit that applies to Favre applies to other media favorites like the Yankees, the Lakers, Lebron, etc... It's the same reason the media pines for football dynasties and claim everyone else does too. Too hard to cover football when it's hard to tell who's the best. Ultimately, it's like politics, religion or anything else where the media tries to tell people what they should think. They say to themselves, "If everybody in the room with me agrees, then everybody in the country must feel the same way, or there is something wrong with them." After all, look how smart we all are. Well, fuck your fucking Brett Favre stories. I really don't give a shit. Swear to God. I guess that makes me weird.
And as for why we all watched Sunday night? Maybe it was because it was the only game on. And maybe we like watching a big division rivalry. Sure it has a little bit to do with the whole Favre returning to Green Bay angle, but how much story is that at this point? It's the third or fourth time it's happened fo far. So what's the story? What's worth all the coverage and what does Benoit think compelled us to watch if not the fact that it's football and we all love it? It's probably not because we thought Favre might pull his dick out and show it to Aaron Rodgers. Probably. It's football. We're going to take what we can get. And that is, unfortunately, whatever the league and the writers will give us. Thank God for blogs. But not this one, because I just covered the media's coverage of Brett Favre, which is gay. Or is it meta? What the fuck is meta anyway?
And check out this gem, from later in Benoit's column:
8. Kudos to FOX studio analystsNormally I wouldn’t do this, but the FOX studio analysts deserve acknowledgement for their late shift Sunday. They didn’t have to stay any later than usual, but they did have to stick around and do a halftime show for the Cardinals-Seahawks game, even though that was the lone late window contest on FOX. That must have been rough. Think about it: only the states of Arizona, Alaska, Oregon, Washington, Idaho and parts of Montana, Kansas, and tiny parts of Florida and Ohio, got that game. This means FOX’s big dogs spent an entire afternoon at work just so they could talk for two or three minutes about what amounted to a locally televised contest. How tempting must it have been for Curt, Terry, Howie, Michael and Jimmy to simply record a generic halftime report at the end of the early window games so that they could just head out and enjoy the rest of the NFL action from the comfort of their living or hotel room?
Oh, those poor bastards at Fox had to stick around for a bunch of worthless yocals and pretend to care about a game that didn't even feature Brett Favre? The horror! I hope Fox throws them and extra couple hundred grand for the hardship. Nobody cares about the Cardinals and the Seahawks. Not even their fans, who certainly care more about Brett Favre, the Cowboys or the Post Katrina Saints. Hopefully, they spent those few terrible moments talking about Kurt Warner on Dancing with the Stars. You know, something the whole nation can relate to.
Monday, October 25, 2010
I Feel Like This Might Be Slipping Away a Bit...
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The Chargers Are My Job
Let me clarify that headline. The company I work for is a pretty solid company. But it can be a grind. It's certainly not fun a lot of the time and I don't jump out of bed on Monday morning in anticipation of another work week. But four years ago was something of a different story. It was still a grind sometimes and it wasn't always fun, but there was a pretty big emphasis on employess happiness. You were expected to do your job, but were given a large amount of leeway in how you did it. There wasn't anyone looking over your shoulder. There weren't endless TPS reports to turn in. Lunches were often free, regardless of the old saying. Benefits packages were fat and it rained stock options. It was a pretty sweet deal. An embarassment of riches, if you will. Then the economy went all Scott Mitchell on everybody and the company took the approach that they were so far ahead of the game in employee satisfaction that they could start shaving some of those perks. The employees could take one or two for the team. The focus turned from employee satisfaction and aspiring to a Google type of work atmosphere to fiscal responsibilty and efficiency management. Now it's still a good job, but the free lunches are a thing of the past. The benefits package is a little less plump. Everything is monitored a little more closely. I'm still happy to have the job, but there is a lot less to love.
All of this neatly parallels the Chargers. Four years ago the Chargers had an embassment of riches. Pro Bowl talent in all three facets of the game. An aggressives style. The most talented running back perhaps to ever play the game. A young quarterback with a world of upside ready to take the league by storm. Then came Norv, and I thought we could handle that. Then we started leaking "problem" players. And veterans. And guys who wanted to get paid. AJ trimmed what he considered to be the fat. The focus turned from being an aggressive and exciting team to fiscal responsibility and a "my way or the highway" management mentality. That embarassment of riches has been heavily depleted. I'm still happy to have a team, but there is a lot less to love.
As for yesterday's game, it wasn't nearly as close as the score indicated. I'm surprised at how solid our defense has looked so far this year, but I still expect it to break down in the stretch if it's expected to do the job alone. The offense tends to start showing up when their backs are against the wall. It'll be interesting to see whether management turns around and starts trying to negotiate a long term deal with Jackson now. I can't imagine they would, but it might be time for AJ to consider swallowing his pride and doing what's best for the team instead of what feeds his ego. They still have the luxury of being the only game in town for Jackson the year before a lockout, which is how they were able to push McNeill into a deal. If AJ truly cares about championship and if the Spanos family is sincere in their efforts to field a winning team and remain in San Diego, then it's time to capitulate. I don't know if the season can be saved, but it's not yet too late to try.
All of this neatly parallels the Chargers. Four years ago the Chargers had an embassment of riches. Pro Bowl talent in all three facets of the game. An aggressives style. The most talented running back perhaps to ever play the game. A young quarterback with a world of upside ready to take the league by storm. Then came Norv, and I thought we could handle that. Then we started leaking "problem" players. And veterans. And guys who wanted to get paid. AJ trimmed what he considered to be the fat. The focus turned from being an aggressive and exciting team to fiscal responsibility and a "my way or the highway" management mentality. That embarassment of riches has been heavily depleted. I'm still happy to have a team, but there is a lot less to love.
As for yesterday's game, it wasn't nearly as close as the score indicated. I'm surprised at how solid our defense has looked so far this year, but I still expect it to break down in the stretch if it's expected to do the job alone. The offense tends to start showing up when their backs are against the wall. It'll be interesting to see whether management turns around and starts trying to negotiate a long term deal with Jackson now. I can't imagine they would, but it might be time for AJ to consider swallowing his pride and doing what's best for the team instead of what feeds his ego. They still have the luxury of being the only game in town for Jackson the year before a lockout, which is how they were able to push McNeill into a deal. If AJ truly cares about championship and if the Spanos family is sincere in their efforts to field a winning team and remain in San Diego, then it's time to capitulate. I don't know if the season can be saved, but it's not yet too late to try.
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Fuck Yeah! Football...!
Has it really been an entire week since the alleged footballing went down? It has? Sweet. Football! I can't fucking wait.
It's been an exciting week here in Boltland. Vinny Jack is back, and if we hadn't imposed that awesome fuck you three game suspension on him, he'd be eligible to play. However, he wouldn't play because if we hadn't suspended him, he wouldn't have reported until week 12 anyway because he only has to "play" in six games to accrue his "season" so that he can obtain his unrestricted status. Funny that Logan Mankins is in this same situation and he at the recommendation of the players union is planning on reporting as well, but since the Patriots brass aren't the golden cocksuckers we all thought they were, they didn't place him on the roster exempt list, hence no three game suspension, hence successful team making good decisions from the top down.
The paper here in town, or as I'll call it, "A.J.'s Bullshit Diatribe Bullhorn" continues to call V.J.'s suspension "NFL Imposed". Which "technically" true, the organization put him on the roster exempt list. That didn't need to occur. But then that wouldn't be A.J. being A.J. Go back and read his comments in the link Max posted about V.J. reporting and read his direct quotes with regard to his interactions with Jackson's agents. I know it's in print, but you can actually see A.J.'s raging hard on through the words for having stuck it to those guys. Way to go Godfather! You fucking rule! "I wanna hamburger, no I wanna cheezeburger, I wanna hot dog....". "YOU'LL GET NOTHING!!!"
And now we welcome those same Patriots to town. Everyone would like you to believe, and by everyone, I'm still referring to the media here as well as the Flat Bill Brigade Fanboys, that we're playing a home game and when we play at home we're fucking unstoppable! Now, I've actually sort of convinced myself I think, that we have a chance in this game. But, then I allow common sense to intervene and I think we've got a significant challenge on our hands. Dreamboat Modelfucking Quarterback has not one but two super possession receivers now in Wes Welker and Deion Branch, the black Wes Welker. These guys are quick and motivated and prepared to exploit our secondary. The same secondary that those around here who have been paying attention have been telling you were playing far above their heads when our defense was ranked statistically #1, against shit teams that we couldn't beat. Cason was faceraped by a rookie quarterback throwing to Bree Walker last week. You think that he's prepared to fare a bit better against Dreamboat Modelfucker and two pro-bowl caliber receivers? Bend the brim of your hat, take the sticker off it and stop wearing it cockeyed you dumb fuck.
While down 17-0 last week to the Lambs, Flat Brim Brigade behind me continued to exclaim, "You know how we do, bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we be there. We fine!". I shit you not, that's fucking verbatim. Bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we fine. Yep. First, and this is a side tangent that belongs in the defunct, "The Cut" post, but using baseball analogies in football is fucking stupid. And I love baseball. Why don't you just say, "In the fourth quarter the Bolts always make their hole in one!". Not to mention that the Padres, in the ninth inning, late in the season, shit their didies and missed the fucking playoffs. So, back to the "You know how we do." Yeah, I do know how we do. With three minutes left and knowing that Stephen Jackson was about to get all predator on our ass, we let him rush for about 40 yards on 5 carries, not using our timeouts on the front side of the two minute warning and never got the fucking ball back. The Rams were able to utilize "Victory Formation". The Rams. Victory Formation. Victory formation used to be the precursor for Victory shots for Max and I. Do you know how long it's been since we had victory shots? Peruse the archives and let me know because it's been fucking forever.
To top it off, Antonio Gates is out with a toe concussion. You know, the league really ought to see what it can do to prevent toe concussions. They are steadily ruining the game we've come to love so dearly in our hearts and is putting the long term health of our players feet in serious jeopardy. I haven't been posting links to Simmons much partially because I figure everyone reads him now anyway, but he's got this concussion thing on lock. I couldn't agree more. For the lazy in you, here's my favorite excerpt:
"I keep going back to the "bad parent" analogy and Roger Goodell, who's done a masterful job manipulating the mainstream media these past few years, benefitting mostly from the fact the previous regime was out of touch. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think Goodell is a total hypocrite for pretending to care about the welfare of his players as he's pushing for an 18-game regular season that would lead to more injuries, more concussions, more collateral damage, more everything. Hey, Roger: If you cared about the welfare of the players, you'd shorten the season to 15 games and add another week of byes. Right? But hey, that would cost owners money. Instead, you'll continue to position yourself as the Sheriff of Player Safety, puff out your chest, crack down on hard hits and swagger around like you're Tim Olyphant in "Justified." Meanwhile, if the players' union doesn't agree to your 18-game schedule, we're headed for a lockout.
Oh, and you know what else is great? NFL owners recently threatened the union that, if the lockout goes into effect next March, the league wouldn't cover health care benefits for its players until a new collective bargaining agreement is in place. So Roger, you care about the welfare of DeSean Jackson in October, but not five months from now if he's paying for his own doctor's appointments because he's suffering from post-concussion syndrome? You're going to tell us that with a straight face?"
God Dammit. Goodell sounds just like the Godfather. I hope they both get anal raped by a freight train.
My boss is a Patriot fan from back east. He believes that this is a trap game for the Pats. He's pretty football saavy, Patriot fandom aside, but I don't see it. I want to see it, I want to believe we're going to give the Patsies a nut shot they won't forget but I just can't see that being properly executed. If, and only if,we avoid our gagtastic special teams play, "slow starts"(Oakland, St. Louis FUCK!), the offensive line can prevent Rivers from a linebacker gang bukkake party in our backfield, and we can minimize our dipshit moments of bad clock management, stupid penalties, and dropped passes (BUSTER! ARRRGHHH!) we'll have a chance. But then that pesky fourth quarter is going to come along and well, you know how we do.
Go Bolts. Breathe the optimism!
It's been an exciting week here in Boltland. Vinny Jack is back, and if we hadn't imposed that awesome fuck you three game suspension on him, he'd be eligible to play. However, he wouldn't play because if we hadn't suspended him, he wouldn't have reported until week 12 anyway because he only has to "play" in six games to accrue his "season" so that he can obtain his unrestricted status. Funny that Logan Mankins is in this same situation and he at the recommendation of the players union is planning on reporting as well, but since the Patriots brass aren't the golden cocksuckers we all thought they were, they didn't place him on the roster exempt list, hence no three game suspension, hence successful team making good decisions from the top down.
The paper here in town, or as I'll call it, "A.J.'s Bullshit Diatribe Bullhorn" continues to call V.J.'s suspension "NFL Imposed". Which "technically" true, the organization put him on the roster exempt list. That didn't need to occur. But then that wouldn't be A.J. being A.J. Go back and read his comments in the link Max posted about V.J. reporting and read his direct quotes with regard to his interactions with Jackson's agents. I know it's in print, but you can actually see A.J.'s raging hard on through the words for having stuck it to those guys. Way to go Godfather! You fucking rule! "I wanna hamburger, no I wanna cheezeburger, I wanna hot dog....". "YOU'LL GET NOTHING!!!"
And now we welcome those same Patriots to town. Everyone would like you to believe, and by everyone, I'm still referring to the media here as well as the Flat Bill Brigade Fanboys, that we're playing a home game and when we play at home we're fucking unstoppable! Now, I've actually sort of convinced myself I think, that we have a chance in this game. But, then I allow common sense to intervene and I think we've got a significant challenge on our hands. Dreamboat Modelfucking Quarterback has not one but two super possession receivers now in Wes Welker and Deion Branch, the black Wes Welker. These guys are quick and motivated and prepared to exploit our secondary. The same secondary that those around here who have been paying attention have been telling you were playing far above their heads when our defense was ranked statistically #1, against shit teams that we couldn't beat. Cason was faceraped by a rookie quarterback throwing to Bree Walker last week. You think that he's prepared to fare a bit better against Dreamboat Modelfucker and two pro-bowl caliber receivers? Bend the brim of your hat, take the sticker off it and stop wearing it cockeyed you dumb fuck.
While down 17-0 last week to the Lambs, Flat Brim Brigade behind me continued to exclaim, "You know how we do, bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we be there. We fine!". I shit you not, that's fucking verbatim. Bottom of the ninth, fourth quarter, we fine. Yep. First, and this is a side tangent that belongs in the defunct, "The Cut" post, but using baseball analogies in football is fucking stupid. And I love baseball. Why don't you just say, "In the fourth quarter the Bolts always make their hole in one!". Not to mention that the Padres, in the ninth inning, late in the season, shit their didies and missed the fucking playoffs. So, back to the "You know how we do." Yeah, I do know how we do. With three minutes left and knowing that Stephen Jackson was about to get all predator on our ass, we let him rush for about 40 yards on 5 carries, not using our timeouts on the front side of the two minute warning and never got the fucking ball back. The Rams were able to utilize "Victory Formation". The Rams. Victory Formation. Victory formation used to be the precursor for Victory shots for Max and I. Do you know how long it's been since we had victory shots? Peruse the archives and let me know because it's been fucking forever.
To top it off, Antonio Gates is out with a toe concussion. You know, the league really ought to see what it can do to prevent toe concussions. They are steadily ruining the game we've come to love so dearly in our hearts and is putting the long term health of our players feet in serious jeopardy. I haven't been posting links to Simmons much partially because I figure everyone reads him now anyway, but he's got this concussion thing on lock. I couldn't agree more. For the lazy in you, here's my favorite excerpt:
"I keep going back to the "bad parent" analogy and Roger Goodell, who's done a masterful job manipulating the mainstream media these past few years, benefitting mostly from the fact the previous regime was out of touch. Maybe I'm in the minority, but I think Goodell is a total hypocrite for pretending to care about the welfare of his players as he's pushing for an 18-game regular season that would lead to more injuries, more concussions, more collateral damage, more everything. Hey, Roger: If you cared about the welfare of the players, you'd shorten the season to 15 games and add another week of byes. Right? But hey, that would cost owners money. Instead, you'll continue to position yourself as the Sheriff of Player Safety, puff out your chest, crack down on hard hits and swagger around like you're Tim Olyphant in "Justified." Meanwhile, if the players' union doesn't agree to your 18-game schedule, we're headed for a lockout.
Oh, and you know what else is great? NFL owners recently threatened the union that, if the lockout goes into effect next March, the league wouldn't cover health care benefits for its players until a new collective bargaining agreement is in place. So Roger, you care about the welfare of DeSean Jackson in October, but not five months from now if he's paying for his own doctor's appointments because he's suffering from post-concussion syndrome? You're going to tell us that with a straight face?"
God Dammit. Goodell sounds just like the Godfather. I hope they both get anal raped by a freight train.
My boss is a Patriot fan from back east. He believes that this is a trap game for the Pats. He's pretty football saavy, Patriot fandom aside, but I don't see it. I want to see it, I want to believe we're going to give the Patsies a nut shot they won't forget but I just can't see that being properly executed. If, and only if,we avoid our gagtastic special teams play, "slow starts"(Oakland, St. Louis FUCK!), the offensive line can prevent Rivers from a linebacker gang bukkake party in our backfield, and we can minimize our dipshit moments of bad clock management, stupid penalties, and dropped passes (BUSTER! ARRRGHHH!) we'll have a chance. But then that pesky fourth quarter is going to come along and well, you know how we do.
Go Bolts. Breathe the optimism!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Break the Bank!
With these sure fire no-fail, barely redundant picks of the week. Check it, bitches!
Cleveland @ New Orleans
Cleveland is playing everybody tough and Drew Brees and the Saints have spent most of the first several weeks of the season in some sort of weird drunken stupor. Still, I'm too gutless to pick Hank McCowboy and the Browns in an upset. Browns 17, Saints 30
Pitt @ Miami
Is Miami good? I can't tell. I keep hearing they are good, but it seems impossible to know for sure. Maybe they're good, but the Steelers are probably the best team in the league right now, even if they are a bunch of fuckfaces, and Roethlissberger is only going to get better. And rapier. Steelers 34, Dolphins 13
DC @ Chicago
Not too long ago, I hard the hardest time convincing a San Diego football fan that the Skins were from DC and not outside of Seattle. That's how smart San Diego fans are. The Bears are terrible. Even San Diego fans know that. Skins 20, Bears 17
Cincy @ Atlanta
I haven't spelled Cincy's full name wrong yet this season and I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. They are Cincy from here on out. They will probably beat the Falcons, who are a lie, but I'm picking the dirty birds anyway because I hate money. Bengals 28, Falcons 30
Philly @ Tennessee
I have no idea if either of these teams is good. Kevin Kolb hates my fantasy team, so I'm picking the Titans. Seriously, fuck that ass hole. I hope he gets decapitated. Iggles 21, Titans 28
Frisco @ Carolina
Matt Moore is back for Carolina. i think that is enough of a boost to vault them over the Niners this week. And it's not really much of a boost at all, so what does that say about the Niners? It says they suck. 49ers 23, Panthers 24
St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I guess I'm picking Tampa because they're at home and also because all Rams fans are fuckfaces who acted like fuckfaces during the game last week even though I've always been cool to them before. Well, they weren't that bad, but they were definitely smiling. Fucking fuckfaces. Rams 3, Bucs 50
Buffalo @ Baltimore
This hardly seems fair. How does this happen? Who's next for the Ravens? The Mission Bay Buccaneers? One day some team is going to show up to play Buffalo and there will be nothing there. Just an abandoned stadium. And people will tell stories of seeing random Buffalo players in Mexican leagues. Because they still loved the game, you know? Bills 9, Ravens 34
Jax @ KC
Trent Edwards came in and finished the game for the injured David Garrard last week. Edwards is white. Garrard is black. Nobody noticed the change. The Chiefs have lost two in a row and nobody can shut up about how good they are. That's the AFC West for you. Jags 14, Chiefs 21
Zona @ Seattle
I hope this is nationally televised. This nation deserves it. Cards 13, Hawks 14
Oakland @ Denver
You know who else were being a bunch of fuckfaces when the Rams beat the Chargers last week? Oakland fans, that's who. Eat a whole fucking bag of dick, you cocksuckers. Raiders 0, Broncos 1,000.
New England @ San Diego
Chargers fans are making fun of Tom Brady's hair this week. That's some good trash talk, morons. Local radio guys say we match up well in this game. Right. Half the team is injured, and the other half mostly would have problems getting absorbed by Buffalo. This will be Darren Sproles day! Pats 42, Bolts 20
Minnesota @ Green Bay
Brett Favre owns Green Bay and plays well when things in his personal life are in shambles. His wife is about to leave him over dick photos. He will pummel the decimated Packers and then he will probably retire. Vikings 34, Packers 23
New York VaGiants @ Dallas
The knife dost twisteth, while the Vagiants continue to play within their means. So long, Dallas! VaGiants 31, Cowboys 24
And that's it. Go football!!!
Cleveland @ New Orleans
Cleveland is playing everybody tough and Drew Brees and the Saints have spent most of the first several weeks of the season in some sort of weird drunken stupor. Still, I'm too gutless to pick Hank McCowboy and the Browns in an upset. Browns 17, Saints 30
Pitt @ Miami
Is Miami good? I can't tell. I keep hearing they are good, but it seems impossible to know for sure. Maybe they're good, but the Steelers are probably the best team in the league right now, even if they are a bunch of fuckfaces, and Roethlissberger is only going to get better. And rapier. Steelers 34, Dolphins 13
DC @ Chicago
Not too long ago, I hard the hardest time convincing a San Diego football fan that the Skins were from DC and not outside of Seattle. That's how smart San Diego fans are. The Bears are terrible. Even San Diego fans know that. Skins 20, Bears 17
Cincy @ Atlanta
I haven't spelled Cincy's full name wrong yet this season and I'm going to quit while I'm ahead. They are Cincy from here on out. They will probably beat the Falcons, who are a lie, but I'm picking the dirty birds anyway because I hate money. Bengals 28, Falcons 30
Philly @ Tennessee
I have no idea if either of these teams is good. Kevin Kolb hates my fantasy team, so I'm picking the Titans. Seriously, fuck that ass hole. I hope he gets decapitated. Iggles 21, Titans 28
Frisco @ Carolina
Matt Moore is back for Carolina. i think that is enough of a boost to vault them over the Niners this week. And it's not really much of a boost at all, so what does that say about the Niners? It says they suck. 49ers 23, Panthers 24
St. Louis @ Tampa Bay
I guess I'm picking Tampa because they're at home and also because all Rams fans are fuckfaces who acted like fuckfaces during the game last week even though I've always been cool to them before. Well, they weren't that bad, but they were definitely smiling. Fucking fuckfaces. Rams 3, Bucs 50
Buffalo @ Baltimore
This hardly seems fair. How does this happen? Who's next for the Ravens? The Mission Bay Buccaneers? One day some team is going to show up to play Buffalo and there will be nothing there. Just an abandoned stadium. And people will tell stories of seeing random Buffalo players in Mexican leagues. Because they still loved the game, you know? Bills 9, Ravens 34
Jax @ KC
Trent Edwards came in and finished the game for the injured David Garrard last week. Edwards is white. Garrard is black. Nobody noticed the change. The Chiefs have lost two in a row and nobody can shut up about how good they are. That's the AFC West for you. Jags 14, Chiefs 21
Zona @ Seattle
I hope this is nationally televised. This nation deserves it. Cards 13, Hawks 14
Oakland @ Denver
You know who else were being a bunch of fuckfaces when the Rams beat the Chargers last week? Oakland fans, that's who. Eat a whole fucking bag of dick, you cocksuckers. Raiders 0, Broncos 1,000.
New England @ San Diego
Chargers fans are making fun of Tom Brady's hair this week. That's some good trash talk, morons. Local radio guys say we match up well in this game. Right. Half the team is injured, and the other half mostly would have problems getting absorbed by Buffalo. This will be Darren Sproles day! Pats 42, Bolts 20
Minnesota @ Green Bay
Brett Favre owns Green Bay and plays well when things in his personal life are in shambles. His wife is about to leave him over dick photos. He will pummel the decimated Packers and then he will probably retire. Vikings 34, Packers 23
New York VaGiants @ Dallas
The knife dost twisteth, while the Vagiants continue to play within their means. So long, Dallas! VaGiants 31, Cowboys 24
And that's it. Go football!!!
Thursday, October 21, 2010
VJ to Report
Vincent Jackson, as expected, will report to the Chargers next Friday. Whether he'll ever actually play or not remains to be seen. At the very least he'll have to serve AJ's "look at how much of a hard-ass I am" 3 game suspension first. After that, we'll have to see how willing Vinnie Jack is to put his body on the line for a team that has made no secret of the fact that he does not fit into their long term plans. And we'll have to see if AJ even deems VJ properly humbled enough to have earned his activation. According to Kevin Acee's article, AJ expects VJ to contribute. Also according to Acee's article, AJ Smith is a fucking ass hole and can barely contain himself and keep from shouting, "I won! I fucking won! Who cares if my team is in complete and utter disarray?! I beat Vincent fucking Jackson's retarded agents! Lord of the No Rings?! Fuck y'all, I beat you and that's more important than 10 Superbowls! Have I mentioned I'm a fucking genius?! Tell 'em Acee!"
Thanks For Being Less Lazy, Deadspin
All day I've been ready to offer my two cents on this whole "epidemic" of violent hits in the NFL, but then Deadspin's Jamberoo came out and the first part pretty much sums up my feelings exactly. The only thing I would add is that not only do all the players actually realize the risks of concussions and other injuries going in, part of the reason grown men get paid millions and millions of dollars (or at least hundreds of thousands if you're only good enough to play, but not so good that people acknowledge your contributions) to play the game is due to the fact of it's violent nature and the short lifespan of such a career. If there was no risk to counter the reward, I couldn't even bring myself to watch the NFL. Overpaid primadonna fucks. The mainstream media finds everything apalling. Fuck those jerks.
Monday, October 18, 2010
A Couples of Quickies
If you haven't heard already, Junior Seau beat up his girlfriend or something, got arrested or something and drove off a cliff or something. Last I heard he was hospitalized, but not dead. "Or something" is the new "alledgedly." Anyway, this is too bad. I met Junior briefly once, and he seemed like a nice enough guy. And I will always have fond memories of Seau as a Charger. One of the best ever, for real. I hope this all turns out alright for him. Also, you know it's killing Roger Goodell that he can't suspend him.
This is an interesting article on pirating NFL broadcasts over the internet, which should be of interest to anybody left in San Diego who cares about watching Chargers games. It draws parallels between the music industry, the phone company and the NFL. I wish more people would write about the NFL's misguided attempts to protect it's legacy. "Back in my day, the players didn't celebrate touchdowns with flashy antics. That's should be a penalty. Also, they were white." That was any random stodgy old racist NFL owner or official in case you were wondering.
This is an interesting article on pirating NFL broadcasts over the internet, which should be of interest to anybody left in San Diego who cares about watching Chargers games. It draws parallels between the music industry, the phone company and the NFL. I wish more people would write about the NFL's misguided attempts to protect it's legacy. "Back in my day, the players didn't celebrate touchdowns with flashy antics. That's should be a penalty. Also, they were white." That was any random stodgy old racist NFL owner or official in case you were wondering.
Welcome Aboard!
At this point you must be ready to jump on the bandwagon. It's a little bit different than the one that you've been riding on for the past several years, but I think once you really give in to the charm and the ambience, you'll find the ride very smooth. My bandwagon is called The Reality Freight Train, and let me tell you how it works.
First you must admit to yourself that this Chargers team is tragically flawed. It lacks depth and the talent in trench positions to compete at a high level. Really, even on a low level apparently. It has no offensive identity and the defense lacks balls. The coach is a marshmallow, the defensive coordinator is in over his head and the GM is a monster. Got it? Okay, you're halfway on the bus.
This next part is the hardest part of all. You must admit to yourself that the organization doesn't care at all about you, the fan. It is not even in their best interest to provide you with a championship product. They may not have expected the team to fall this far, but they certainly did not do enough to expect the team to challenge for a Superbowl. And why is this, you ask? It's because if this team won it all, this town would never let it leave. The people of our bankrupt city would gladly throw away money we don't have on a state-of-the-art stadium for a Superbowl winner. But not for this team. This team will turn this town against them and the people will say good riddance upon their departure. The NFL might even have to help them build in L.A. They'll say that the Chargers were a team whose town had given up on them and that they had no choice. And they will punish our city by deeming us unfit to house another NFL team for all eternity.
To this all you are probably thinking that the right thing to do here would be to stand by your team. Force the owner to realize that you are not fickle and that you will love the Chargers warts and all. You'll want to tell them that they'll have to pry your fandom out of your cold dead hands. And while that is admirable, I beg of you brothers and sisters, don't do it. Don't give them the satisfaction. You see, this team will leave anyway. They'd prefer to make it look as though it was out of their hands. That they had no choice. But, believe me, they'll go the other way if they have to. They'll pack up the Mayflowers in the middle of the night if that's what it takes.And you fans,-you die hards-they know that you'll root for the L.A. Chargers. They know they'll still get your dollars, and that's all they care about. This is a business way before it is sports. Or entertainment.
So, you ask, How will jumping your 'Reality Freight Train' save my Chargers? Sadly, fan, it won't. It will only spare you the disappointment. The sadness. The frustration of it all. Find another team. Bury yourself in fantasy football. Spend more time with your family if you have to, but leave this team. They have already left you, I promise.
If you do decide to stick with it. If you do decide to ignore reason and continue on this thankless path of Chargers fandom, then I at least have one small nugget of good news for you. And here it is. This team-the one on the field-is focused on the here and the now. They are not looking ahead, they are playing the game at hand, and most people will tell you that that is the best way to approach the game of football. And how do I know that this is not the sort of team that looks ahead? Because if they had looked at the next several weeks of their schedule before yesterday, they would have known they absolutely had to beat the Rams and maybe they would have played like it.
First you must admit to yourself that this Chargers team is tragically flawed. It lacks depth and the talent in trench positions to compete at a high level. Really, even on a low level apparently. It has no offensive identity and the defense lacks balls. The coach is a marshmallow, the defensive coordinator is in over his head and the GM is a monster. Got it? Okay, you're halfway on the bus.
This next part is the hardest part of all. You must admit to yourself that the organization doesn't care at all about you, the fan. It is not even in their best interest to provide you with a championship product. They may not have expected the team to fall this far, but they certainly did not do enough to expect the team to challenge for a Superbowl. And why is this, you ask? It's because if this team won it all, this town would never let it leave. The people of our bankrupt city would gladly throw away money we don't have on a state-of-the-art stadium for a Superbowl winner. But not for this team. This team will turn this town against them and the people will say good riddance upon their departure. The NFL might even have to help them build in L.A. They'll say that the Chargers were a team whose town had given up on them and that they had no choice. And they will punish our city by deeming us unfit to house another NFL team for all eternity.
To this all you are probably thinking that the right thing to do here would be to stand by your team. Force the owner to realize that you are not fickle and that you will love the Chargers warts and all. You'll want to tell them that they'll have to pry your fandom out of your cold dead hands. And while that is admirable, I beg of you brothers and sisters, don't do it. Don't give them the satisfaction. You see, this team will leave anyway. They'd prefer to make it look as though it was out of their hands. That they had no choice. But, believe me, they'll go the other way if they have to. They'll pack up the Mayflowers in the middle of the night if that's what it takes.And you fans,-you die hards-they know that you'll root for the L.A. Chargers. They know they'll still get your dollars, and that's all they care about. This is a business way before it is sports. Or entertainment.
So, you ask, How will jumping your 'Reality Freight Train' save my Chargers? Sadly, fan, it won't. It will only spare you the disappointment. The sadness. The frustration of it all. Find another team. Bury yourself in fantasy football. Spend more time with your family if you have to, but leave this team. They have already left you, I promise.
If you do decide to stick with it. If you do decide to ignore reason and continue on this thankless path of Chargers fandom, then I at least have one small nugget of good news for you. And here it is. This team-the one on the field-is focused on the here and the now. They are not looking ahead, they are playing the game at hand, and most people will tell you that that is the best way to approach the game of football. And how do I know that this is not the sort of team that looks ahead? Because if they had looked at the next several weeks of their schedule before yesterday, they would have known they absolutely had to beat the Rams and maybe they would have played like it.
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