So Long, Merrimanimal!

And Shawne Merriman's Chargers career is over. I can't wait for people to start explaining to me how this is addition by subtraction. Any guesses on where he goes to get his revenge? I'd say this has the Patriots written all over it. Or the Jets, who apparently have designs on our players. But it would be silly to count out a division rival. With our future playoff hopes being what they appear to be, joining another AFC West team might be the only way Merriman guarantees himself a shot at AJ's squad every year. Good luck, beastly sir.

Thoughts on McNeill

So, it looks like McNeill's is getting his long term deal after all the sitting out and crying and name calling and hardballing. Many people consider this a decisive victory for "the A.J. way" and it's hard to argue with that, but I'm going to do it anyway.

First, very obviously, we could have just done a deal to begin with if that was the ultimate plan, and then our Pro Bowl offensive lineman would have been here through camp and the first 5 games. Unfortunately, our GM decided for some reason to lump McNeill and Jackson together and fight them that way rather than approach each negotiation uniquely. Brilliant strategy.

Second, I can't say for sure, but I believe the only reason that McNeill is signing with us is similar to the reason we had the leverage to pull this crap in the first place. Because of the way the current CBA is structured, McNeill was not given unrestricted free agency status (as other players have been in any year before), and instead the team was allowed to keep the rights to the player for a fraction of his worth. Because of the uncertainty of the CBA going forward if McNeill sat out this season, and next season results in a lockout, the player might have to go two years without a full paycheck. A.J., in essence, used circumstance to ruthlessly threaten McNeill and his family's livelihood, which any of you out there would crucify your own boss over*.

If next season was assured, I think McNeill never would have signed. In fact, the NFLPA is so certain of a lockout, they have been telling their players to save their money and make smart investments. McNeill had to have realized he would have no money to save or invest unless he bent to the Godfather's will. No other team can come to his rescue. It's unlikely anybody will be doing any serious shopping next offseason if there is to be no football, and A.J. has shown he's not above holding on to a "malcontent" even in the face of a better deal than what he'd get in compensation from the league.

Whatever happens, I will be amazed if we get the best effort McNeill hass to offer. If this deal gets done, he may very well take whatever guaranteed money is offered and proceed to loaf it until the team trades or cuts him. And don't think it would ruin him either. There are tons of GMs who would jump at the chance to sign McNeill two years from now, especially in light of what another couple of A.J.'s "malcontents" are doing for the NY Jets this year.

Most players will serve up platitudes to the media, telling them after negotiations like this that they realize the NFL is a business. But it human nature to bristle when someone questions your worth. The other players on this team cannot be looking forward to their own negotiations. When all is said and done, A.J. may have won the battle, but the war could take him in the end.

*Dean Spanos considers threatening players good business. that seems to be working out for us all.

We Were in Field Goal Range!!!

Okay, so I'm a bit late on this, but I have to post it, right?



I know a lot of you felt this way inside. Don't feel bad. Feel ashamed. You're pathetic.

I Hate to Say It.

No matter how hard I try to be a good loyal "follower" of the Chargers, I keep coming back to the problem of knowing too much. I know what this team is, and more importantly, I know what this team was and could have been. Special teams is a problem, but it's really just a symptom. For years we were told this team had depth to the level where we didn't need to make a splash in free agency. We were told we had the luxury of taking the best available player on the board. For years we passed over players that could have shored up our linebacking corps and instead took a reach pick for Buster Davis (already a number 2 on his college depth chart) and traded up to grab mind bogglingly positionless Jacob Hester. We provided a large contract to virtually unknown one game wonder Jyles Tucker. To make matters worse, we've adopted some draconian zero tolerance policy that has sent several players who contributed out the door. And yes, there have even been a regular amount of injuries piled on. Special teams is the first thing to go when your talent level drops radically after the first string, but it isn't the last. And that's already showing as well. As much as everybody would love to say that two blocked punts did this team in in Oakland, it just isn't true. 12 points in the first 4 minutes didn't put us away. Two long Oakland drives in the 4th were far more responsible than that. Offensive penalties and turnovers aplenty had a heck of a lot to do with it too. Don't let anyone sell you special teams as the scapegoat. The problems this team has raise their ugly heads in every facet of the game. Sure, we still have dynamic playmakers on offense, and we can take advantage of criminally pathetic teams about half the time these days because of it. When we get those big earlyleads, Ron Rivera puts on his big boy pants and lets the defense pin their ears back and bring it. So you'll see some blowouts here and there, but those bad teams are soon to be behind us. After one more "gimme" in St. Louis, we are going to lose 5 in a row. Indy, Tennessee, New England, Houston and Denver in no particular order. Do you like our chances against any of those squads? I don't. Not the way this team is playing right now. And I don't know what changes are going to fix anything at this point in the season. Maybe our division saves us yet again from our own ineptitude, but do you even really want that? Maybe if this teams churns out a true stinker of a season, Spanos has no choice but to save face by forcing AJ to get a real coach in there. Or if we're really lucky, he runs AJ out too. The ego has blunted the sharp football mind that built this team into a contender to begin with. The ego isn't going away on it's own. If we can get rid of one or both of the true cancers on this team after the season, maybe we can salvage the careers of some destined to be great Chargers rather than consign them to the sports fate of every other great player to dedicate themselves to the franchises of this town. Maybe, if we can do that, Rivers and Gates won't have to retire ringless.

Picks Are For Posterity

Whatever the fuck posterity is. I'm going to start trying to post these picks earlier in the week going forward. I found it cut down on people laughing at me if I waited until the last minute to go on record, but since I won my pick 'em pool last week I'm the one who's laughing now. All the way to the bank. And by bank I mean strip club. And by laughing I mean stalking strippers. So here's this week's sure to be money winners.

Jacksonville @ Buffalo
I picked Buffalo to upset the Jets last week, because for some strange reason I have a soft spot in my heart for Buffalo. I just feel like that team never got any respect for owning the AFC for four straight years back in the day. Anyway, that soft spot hardened considerably last Sunday. Die, Buffalo. Jags 34, Bills 13

Denver @ Baltimore
For some reason I want to pick Denver here. Must be because Kyle Orton is my fantasy QB this week. Why am I being punished for Mike Vick's sins?!!! So, yeah. Fuck that noise. Denver 24, Baltimore 27

Atlanta @ Cleveland
One of these days Atlanta is going to be fully exposed. But not this weekend. Cleveland is better than I thought, but Cincinnati is as bad as I thought, so last week means nothing. I will start loving Cleveland if they break Jason Snelling's leg. Atlanta 31, Cleveland 21

KC @ Indy
I thought KC could challenge for the division, but their record is not a true representation of how good they are. Indy, however, is flailing. Not flailing enough. KC 30, Indy 34

Tampa Bay @ Cincinnati
Oh God, did i really pick Cincy to win this in my pool? Well, i guess I have to go with it. Tampa 13, Cincy 17

Green Bay @ Washington
Is it okay if I say that neither of these teams does anything for me? God, what a couple of fucking fucks these teams are. Green Bay 24, Washington 17

St. Louis @ Detroit
I'm gonna ride this Rams thing for a while. It just feels right. Rams 27, Detroit 26

Chicago @ Carolina
Chicago? Exposed. Chicago 13, Carolina 20

NY VaGiants @ Houston
Houston is another team i could not give a shit about. But they can be exciting. On the other hand, stupid name. VaGiants 27, Houston 34

New Orleans @ Arizona
New Orleans, it's about time to start looking like New Orleans. I feel bad for the Cardinals. I really liked that team last year. New Orleans 42, Arizona 10

San Diego @ Oakland
Is it okay to remind everybody that Oakland nearly handled us in Oakland last year with Jamarcus Russell at QB? Still, I'm in it now. Bolts 30, Oakland 27

Philly @ Frisco
Kolb looked good in his games before this season, so the ability is there. But man, does he look pedestrian so far this year. And Frisco has to win one eventually right? I mean, 0-16 is not going to win even that horrible division. Philly 17, Frisco 20

Minnesota @ NY Jets
No fucking idea. Randy Moss? No fucking idea! Vikings need this one, so i'll go with that, but I don't like it at all. Vikes 23, Jets 20

That's it. Enjoy your footballing. Go Bolts!!!

Exciting New Things!!!

I'd like to take this opportunity to, like Max, say that my outlook is changing over here and that I promise to be less surly and more supporty of the San Diego Super Charger football team that I've loved since I was still peeing myself from being young not drunkenness.

That being said, just because my outlook is changing, that doesn't necessarily mean I'll be a flag toting balls out ignorant supporter for fear of drawing the ire of the die hard fans here in town. For many reasons that Max suggested, it's becoming harder to support this football team while maintaining some level of objectivity without being scorned by the jersey adorned flat bill brigade of San Diego. And hey, I get it, we all love the football team, shit, every single season I get sucked in at some point when they start resembling a professional team, and not the error prone stripped down version of themselves. As Max mentioned and I concur with, I'm getting old. One of my goals, well, more like a dream of mine is to become the purest form of dirty old obnoxious man, and while to some degree I've achieved that already, I'm certainly far past making excuses for what I believe to be mistakes at every level of the organization that we hold so dear. So if that makes me a "bad fan" in some peoples eyes, who fucking cares. I certainly don't. If any of my critics can show any level of objectivity at all in debating the merits of this team, and I'm proven wrong, I will happily parade my wrongness in front of the whole wide internet. But just shrieking loudly at me at a volume higher than I wish to partake that I'm a bad fan because I'm a stupid dickhead who thinks A.J. Smith isn't a gun toting wild west version of Jesus, well, I've got a problem with that.

My main issue beside having to defend myself every time the Bolts incite me to swear at the television, is that I'm finding it increasingly difficult to like the team we're putting on the field on a weekly basis. There are some guys I really want to like, who are playing their balls off, Kevin Burnett for example. Dude is a maniac. But, the mistakes we continue to make and have made on a consistent basis since 2006 infuriate me to no end. Every time we call timeout early in a game to avoid a delay of game penalty so that Norvelle can once again attempt to forcefully remove his butt plug of a head from his sphincter, I go into a blind rage and want to murder a bag full of kittens even more so that I normally would. However, that reaction makes me a "bad fan".

So, here's how it goes. I'm actually excited for Raider Week. Even though the Raiders are still the pathetic bunch of underachieving cock wallets east of the bay, the optimist in me thinks we'll get it together and cockwipe their faces by about 31 points today. The pessimist in me thinks that we'll lose on a last second blown coverage hail mary touchdown pass thrown by JaFatAss Russell who the Raiders will re-sign at halftime after Gradkowski has a tragic mishap with the sideline cart involving a broken leg and a sexual harassment lawsuit. That being said, I guess I'm high on the Chargers today. Mood: EXCITED!

I'm also reserving a spot for Max to make his weekly picks as you sure as shit don't want to see mine. I won three games against the spread last week, picking 82% favorites, needless to say, favorites are covering like 28% of the time this season.** Fuck and yes. Guess how many favorites I have this week? All of them. That's some fucking genius right there, book it.


Today we get over the hump. Bolts 48 Raiders 16. Let's go Bolting.

(**Those percentages are approximations, well complete fabrications in my brain, I don't care to look up facts further solidifying my ineptitude.)

You Heard It Here First

I keep thinking we're not long for a Vincent Jackson to New England for Julian Edelman and a 4th rounder. Don't ask me why, I just see this happening.

Okay, that's maaaybe a little unrealistic, but how about this? The Patriots have the Raiders 1st rounder this year. Julian Edelman and a 1st rounder, for Jackson and a 3rd? The Pats love second and third round picks and Edelman is pretty expendable with Welker looking good and healthy.

I'm Changing My Outlook Back

I've been putting off writing anything for a few days to see if I'd simmer down over time, but I guess it ain't going to happen. I'm not going to go into any detail here, but suffice it to say I went up against some more of the brilliant minds of San Diego sports fandom once again. This is a fandom, I should remind you, that now casually expects slow seasonal starts and shrugs them off like early reports that the unsinkable vessel they're on has apparently "brushed up against" an iceburg. No need to panic until the band packs it in! Look, I'm glad the Chargers manhandled the atrocious Arizona Cardinals, but the fact is that every time I leave the house I am accosted by idiot Chargers fans who ruin the whole experience. Listen people, being a fan does not necessarily mean blindly accepting every move and decision the organization makes, then pointing at the scoreboard on the days it actually works out and believing that justifies your argument. This team is overachieving at home and absolutely shitting the bed on the road. There is a good chance that when decent teams actually start showing up here to play us, things might change a bit for the worse here at home, and no amount of AJ Smith badassery is going to help us on the field. I hope your all happy when AJ cuts another safety. Or I hope you give him a piece of your mind if he doesn't. But you all like blaming the players. Why, because they get paid to play a game? That might be valid if you didn't so blindly slobber over the game.

Look, this doesn't apply to all of you, but for the most part this has become a terrible, uneducated, boorish football town-and for no good reason as far as I can tell. For quite some time I've been happier discussing football with fans of other teams. Many of them actually have realistic views, even when it comes to their own teams sometimes! At this point, I'm a casual fan of the Chargers going forward. For now I'm going to follow the team from a safe distance in my Chargers fan Volvo (nice and safe). Feel free to blast me if I jump back up on the crazy flag waving bandwagon, because honestly I couldn't give a fuck what people in this town think of me as a fan.

Pick, Pick, Pick

So, I went ahead and joined that pick 'em pool at my work. You know, the one with the girl who doesn't pay in because she does all the work. Ugh. Anyway, I figured what the hell? I mean, she's a girl, so she probably won't win anyhow. Here's my picks.

NY Jets @ Buffalo
Bam! Upset special, because when there's money on the line I instantly turn retarded. Seriously, though, I still don't buy the Jets, and Buffalo managed to look decent in defeat last week after finally jettisoning Trent Edwards. Edwards, by the way, was picked up by Jacksonville, which makes sense because he is the white David Garrard. Bills 20, Jets 16

Denver @ Tennessee
Christ, did I actually pick Denver here? Did I smoke crack at work on Friday? I don't know why, but I like Denver here. The Titans started 0-6 last year, so I have to believe they have a little Norv Turner in them. Broncos 27, Titans 17

Cincinnati @ Cleveland
I see a lot of people picking Cleveland here. Such is the power of the white running back. Hey, white skill players work for the Pats and Colts. Too bad Cleveland probably needs about 3 more. Bengals 30, Browns 13

Carolina @ NO
A guy in my fantasy league dropped New Orleans D last week, and now my team is complete. I'm telling you, that Claussen kid ain't right. The difference her will be too vast for Garrett Hartley to overcome with missed field goals. Panthers 14, New Orleans 34

Baltimore @ Pittsburgh
The Steelers defense looks prolific right now, whatever that means. But they can't go 4-0 without Ben Roethlissberger, right? I expect Ray Rice to show up this week. Just enough. Ravens 14, Steelers 13

Frisco @ Atlanta
Atlanta looks like a kind of schitzo team to me right now, and I wouldn't be surprised to see them lay an egg here, but I don't have the balls to call it. 49ers 24, Falcons 30

Seattle @ St. Louis
Seattle's first game was fluky. Their win against the Bolts was ugly. I think they're the team Denver clobbered. And what the fuck is a Seahawk? Is that a thing, or is that just any predatory bird that lives around the sea? Weak ass fucking name and I hate them. Seahawks 16, Rams 20

Detroit @ Green Bay
I've jumped on board the bandwagon that wants to see Detroit finally turn it around and be legit. Other things I want include a threesome with two Victoria's Secret models and a jetpack. Lions 27, Packers 35

Houston @ Oakland
Well, Oakland, let the Gradkowski era begin! Again! If something on him isn't broken by halftime I will eat my hat. I don't know why, but I think Houston will come down to Earth. But not this week. Texans 37, Raiders 28

Indy @ Jacksonville
Scoreboard explodes! Colts 42, Jags :(

Washington @ Philly
This Mike Vick thing can't last. My fantasy team is too good as long as he stays healthy. But I'm going to keep riding it until somebody breaks his leg. Washington gets smoked. Redskins 13, Mike Vick 30

Arizona @ San Diego
We cannot lose to the Cardinals, right? I mean, we just can't. Can we? Can Norv? Oh, God, Norv could, couldn't he? No, he couldn't. Right? Tell me he couldn't. Cards 10, Bolts 34

Chicago @ Green Bay
Last week I was up 29 in my fantasy league and going against a guy who's roster is full of Packers. I found myself rooting for Jay Cutler. It made me physically ill. People are now back to stroking Cutler. They apparently missed the fact that if not for flags and butterfingers, Cutler easily could have thrown a 6 pack of INTs. I don't buy those Bears. Cutler will imlode. Bears 20, VaGiants 28

New England @ Miami
Should be a good game. I intend to watch it. Pats 27, Fins 24

Enjoy your footballing, and be sure to give the Padres some love while you're at it. Go Pads!!! Go Bolts!!!

Carl's Lock of the Century!

Clever. Stupid, But Clever

So, here's a song parody some Chargers fan made about the Vincent Jackson to the tune of Ms. Jackson by Outkast.



I'd like to think the fan made this because the song was just too irresistable to pass up, but I know better. And from the comments on the youtube page it's pretty apparent that a lot of the fans in this town still want to stand up to the millionaire athlete doing the work in defense of the billionaire owner to cheap to pay anything close to fair market value for his players and the egomaniacal bully of a GM who doles out unnecessary punishments when someone has the audacity to question his methods. Well played San Diego, this is why other team's fans think you're stupid. And believe me, they do. Still, I have to admit it's clever.

I'm Changing My Outlook!

I've realized recently that very few things make me feel older than sports fandom these days. Sure, there's driving by my old high school every day and realizing that at one point in my life it was perfectly natural to look at those girls that way. That makes me feel pretty old. And, of course, there are the inexplicable pains that occur randomly in my body, as well as the fact that I rarely manage to close a bar these days. Those things certainly make me feel old. But sports fandom? That's a real exercise in agery.

You see, there was a time not long ago that I could just root for my team. That's it. Plain and simple. Those guys in the uniforms on the field. That's my team. And I root for them. If you are not on the field in a uniform you really don't matter to me. Those are my guys. Number 17? In the immortal words of snivelling TO, "That's my quarterback!"

But over the years, something has happened. A shift in the way I view my team. Over the years the ownership has somehow crept onto the field with the guys in the jerseys. The GM has become every bit as much of my team as my quarterback, my tight end, my wide receiver. And when it comes to this team, that is a bad thing. It's an unavoidable strain on my fandom. As much as I love that team-those guys on the field-, the guys that sit in the offices and think up ways to save their dough while taking ours, and that cowboy whose only real concern seems to be creating a powerful image for himself? They age my fandom a dozen years every day.

I don't want to be caught up in the business of football. There's too much business in my everyday business, and maybe that's the problem. These business men, who claim to want a championship but really only want a better deal and a new stadium, make me think too much of my own financial situation and of the men who have far too much control over my own fate. I don't want to think about my job and my bank account when I watch football, but these guys rub everybody's nose in it and give relatively little back in return. I don't blame the players for their holdouts. When my company told me I wasn't getting a raise I was pissed. Just because the amounts are magnified by millions, doesn't mean the heart of the problem isn't the same. Everybody wants to be paid for a job well done, and there's nothing wrong with that. And this GM reminds me of so many people who look at their labor force as a product of some infallible system that they put together. Everyone becomes replaceable in their eyes. I see this kind of attitude every day. Every fucking day! And I don't need to be reminded of that when I watch the games either.

All of that being said, it's not fair to put the burden of working for those ass holes on the players on the field. I love the Chargers. I have since the day I understood what football was, and I just want to enjoy the games. I've been hard on this team. And rightfully so. Their coach is terrible and they're slow out of the gate for the umpteenth time in a row. The window is closing. It's maddening! But I keep finding myself almost happy to see them fail. As if the men on the field have something to do with the shitty decisions made up front. Hell, it isn't even Norv's fault. What was he supposed to say when AJ came calling? "Nope. Sorry, but you could do way better than me. I don't want to be responsible for the demise of your franchise. Here's a list of guys you might want to call. They can all coach circles around me." Sorry, but I'd have taken the job if they asked, and we'd all hate me too.

"Hey coach, is this playbook just a printout of the Madden 06 Chargers playbook?"

"That team was awesome! And Madden won a Superbowl, I think. Now get out there and handle your business!"

Anyway, I guess my point in all of this is that I'm still going to hate on AJ and Dean. I'm still going to call out the spineless San Diego sports media. But I'm going to try to be more supportive of the guys on the field. I really do think this offense will be special once they hit their rythm. And I can honestly say that I'm not completely disgusted with what the defense has been doing. They're keeping the points down, and there is no more important defensive stat in my book. Which is, of course, the 06 Madden playbook. And as for special teams-which have been getting an awful lot of grief- I can only say that it's not likely to get a lot worse. So, come Sundays, I'm just going to try to put the business aside and root my face off for the team, cause we're winning the whole God damn thing this year! Go Philip! Go Antonio! Go rookie running back! Go...uh...Eric Weddle! Go Shaun "Paycheck McPlayingforit!" Phillips! Go Bolts!!!

Not you, though, Norv. You suck.

McNeill is Happy, Has a Gun Pointed at His Loved Ones

Marcus McNeill is back with the Chargers and according to Kevin Acee's article, he's super happy to be here and wants to remain so forever and ever. Right. I totally believe that. After being taken for about $2.7 million and still receiving no long term financial stability, McNeill is pleased as punch to be coming in and playing for AJ and the Chargers. Yeah Acee, also there's this bridge in San Francisco that, you know, I'd like to push you off of.

I'm pretty sure if you take every 4th word in McNeill's statements you come up with, "AJ has my family. Please call the police and DeMaurice Smith."

If you think there is any chance McNeill doesn't jump ship and land with the Chiefs as soon as he has the chance you are delusional.

Anyway, I'm happy he'll be returning, but is that really going to be enough? The problems on offense have more to do with sloppy ball protection than sloppy QB protection. The defense hasn't been the problem I thought it'd be...yet. The special teams suffers from a severe lack of playmakers, and the personnel is just not there to make it better. Osgood is gone. Siler plays predominantly on the regular D to fill the perennial hole at MLB we've had since Donnie freaking Edwards left and Steve Foley got shot by a cop. This team has no depth, because they trade up to get guys like Jacob Hester and waste 1st round picks on receivers who weren't even the number one guy on their college squad. The GM wears no clothes. It's gross. And if you point it out you're cut.

I listen to all you other San Diego fans saying that this happens every year. That soon enough we'll crank out 10 straight or some other such nonsense. Well, this ain't like every other year. Those early losses in years past came against tough opponents like the Ravens, Patriots and the hot out of the gate Broncos. You can say KC looks good right now, but they didn't look so hot the night they beat us. And Seattle had no business winning that game on Sunday. Are we playing down to bad opponents? I hope so, because that is the sort of thing that can be worked out. Or is the truth what I've been saying all along? That if Norv Turner thinks this is the best Chargers team he's had then he's clearly not paying attention, because from where I'm standing it very well could be the worst.

Hmm, I Distinctly Remember Being Worried About Just This Sort of Thing

Here is what return men see.

So, I can't pick games for shit, but I think I have this team pegged.

Look, this is what you get when you hire a soft and sloppy coach and your GM prefers soft players that he can push around in negotiations. You get a soft and sloppy team that always starts out shitty. Only this time, I think we may end shitty to boot, so be prepared, San Diego.

But hey, McNeill is coming back! I hope he's been practicing his special teams play with the local high school kids.

Ugh. Picks Again?

My heart is not in it, but I'm really dedicated to documenting my ineptitude at picking games for anybody who might actually read this thing. So here goes.

Tennessee @ NY VaGiants
This one seems too easy to call, but I think the Giants actually show up here. Why? No idea. Tennessee 17, VaGaints 20

Cincinnati @ Carolina
I have no idea whether Cincy is a good team or not, but I do know that the kid from Notre Dame is a borderline tard. Cincy 17, Carolina 10

Pittsburgh @ Tampa Bay
So, why hasn't anyone tried to snap Palowhatsit's leg yet? Tampa is in over their heads this week. But Pittsburgh can't score. Pitt 13, Tampa 9

Buffalo @ New England
Looks like New England is going to pick on some teams this year, and not pick on some teams this year. How's that for analysis? Buffalo 17, New England 34

Cleveland @ Baltimore
Time for Baltimore to stop being cute and hand Ray Rice the ball. Poor Cleveland. Cleveland 6, Baltimore 27

San Francisco @ KC
No fucking clue what happens here. I liked KC going into the season and their record reflects my amazing judgment, but I don't believe in them at all. Frisco really gave NO a game, but they find ways to lose. Frisco 20, KC 21

Dallas @ Houston
Dallas sucks, Houston does not. End of story. Dallas 20, Houston 37

Detroit @ Minnesota
Detroit is fun to watch, but if Minnesota can't get it together this week, the Favre retirement watch begins early. Detroit 17, Minnesota 30

Atlanta @ NO
Atlanta is a sexy pick here, but I tend to think NO has been playing down to their opponents so far. This feels like a 6 TD effort by Brees day to me. Atlanta 28, New Orleans 45

Washington @ St. Louis
Washington does just enough not to lose against bad teams, and the Rams don't know how to win. Washington 20, Rams 17

Philly @ Jacksonville
The Michael Vick train keeps rolling and he love steamrolling dogs like the Jags! Harf! Harf! So funny. Philly 27, Jags 20

Indy @ Denver
Peyton Manning does not like having a loss before December and everybody has to pay. Indy 31, Denver 24

Oakland @ Arizona
Yuck. I actually like Oakland here. But I don't love 'em. Oakland 24, Zona 16

San Diego @ Seattle
It's supposed to rain, which does not bode well for us. But I have to give them credit for demolishing the Jags last week, even if they are the Jags. This one will be tight. Bolts 20, Seattle 17

NY Jets @ Miami
Jets are not for real. Miami is for real. Jets 13, Miami 21

Green Bay @ Chicago
Ugh, everybody in the media has already jumped back on the Cutler bandwagon and Philip Rivers is a big, whiny malcontent yet again. So 2008 up in here. I don't buy it. Green Bay 30, Chicago 20

Let me leave you with this. A girl at my work invited me to join her $5 weekly pick'em league. No spread, winner takes the week. Sounds fun. Then she let's me know that since she set it up, she doesn't have to pay in. And that, ladies, is why men don't take you seriously when concerning manly things. Go Bolts!!!

More on AJ and Vinny Jack

I couldn't agree more with the article Michael Silver posted today over at Yahoo! about the AJ/VJ disaster. And if you don't believe that AJ has been a complete douche to Vincent Jackson' camp on this one, pay close attention to this part:

For example, sources say Jackson’s agents will attempt to get back at Smith by making sure their receiver, once he ends up with a new team next spring (or later, depending upon the uncertain labor landscape), has an inordinately low base salary for 2011 – which would likely reduce the compensatory pick the Chargers would receive for losing Jackson from a potential third-rounder to a sixth- or seventh-round selection.

If that turns out to be true, have you ever even heard of such a thing? Once again, San Diego franchises pave the way in dubious firsts.

The one thing missing from Silver's article, though, is any criticism whatsoever of ownership for not only allowing this to happen, but seemingly encouraging it. I guess that would have underminded Silver placing Dean Spanos in the upper half of his ownership rankings and lauding him for being a revolutionary penny pincher, bent on saving all of ownership from being held hostage by exhorbitant player salaries. Looks like Silver likes to have his cake and eat it too. Hey, just like Spanos!

You're Not Going Anywhere, VJ!

At least not until AJ is through with you. This is the greatest article ever. A 2nd rounder plus a conditional pick? "No, I'll wait for my glorious compensatory pick!" Lord of the No Rings? Priceless.

Darren Smith said on the radio earlier that he did not believe AJ would hold onto Jackson out of spite or to teach him a lesson. It's like nobody who gets paid to cover sports in this town is even paying attention.

Oh, I also firmly believe AJ is reluctant to send Jackson to a team where he might get a ring before the Chargers do (which would be any team at this point, actually), which is why Minnesota is a no fit.

This is your team San Diego Chargers. Until the view from the top changes in this town, you can expect nothing but continued heartbreak. AJ Smith is a loser who's sure he's the big winner, and Dean Spanos would steal your wallet if given half the chance.

I Guess It Was the Rain

Hurray for being wrong! Too bad I can't really analyze the game, since it was blacked out. Actually, it had more to do with me being hammered, because we did catch quite a bit of it on the Red Zone Channel. That was a pretty solid beating we put on Jax, and anytime you hold MJD to almost NOTHING is a pretty good effort. Color me surprised! I now expect more a rollercoastery season. Hope that KC loss doesn't come back to haunt us. Go Bolts!!!

Pick Away!

Ugh, been a rough week, so not too many posts. Sorry to anybody who might actually be checking this spot out. There's sure to be more after I see the highlights of today's game because I'm too cheap and/or broke to attend the game so I sure as hell ain't going to see it. I expect 4 or 5 more blackouts this year (That's racist! Sorry, been watching season 1 of 30 Rock...), so my yard sure look great by spring. Anyway, here's what's going to happen today.

Buffalo @ Green Bay
How do I not have a single Green Bay player on my fantasy team?! Who's their back-up tight end? Everybody gets to score today! Buffalo 9, Green Bay 34

Miami @ Minnesota
Trap game! Whatever that means. Minnesota has to get going this week, right? Right? Me thinks it not so easy. Miami 20, Minnesota 21

Kansas City @ Cleveland
I see people picking Cleveland here and I don't know why. Lost in Monday Night's contest appears to be the fact that KC was also playing in the rain. Matt Cassell comes out this week and KC shows why they might not be dominant, but they are going to be tougher than they were last year. Also, Cleveland? Please. KC 27, Cleveland 17

Chicago @ Dallas
I don't recall if Dallas chokes against the Bears the way they choke against the Redskins, but I doubt it. Both of these teams are not nearly as good as people want to believe they are. Hang this score on a Cutler INT. Chicago 17, Dallas 20

Arizona @ Atlanta
Kurt Warner was the best QB you have ever seen, even if you don't know it. The drop-off is nearly inconceivable. Atlanta gets on track. Arizona 13, Atlanta 30

Tampa Bay @ Carolina
Carolina really wanted to make a statement in their opener at New York. I doubt that statement was, "We don't really have a game plan." It should go better this time around. Carolina is Jeckyll and Hyde home and away. Which one plays football better again? Tampa Bay 16, Carolina 27

Philly @ Detroit
Stafford is hurt. Vick is playing for a QB controversy. If this was just about anybody but Detroit I'd expect Vick to end up looking silly. But it's not. Philly 28, Detroit 14

Baltimore @ Cincy
This could be a replay of Monday Night. In fact, I'm going to go with that. Baltimore 10, Cincy 9

Pittsburgh @ Tenessee
The Titans aren't going to do that against Pitts D. Pitts O is not going to do anything much against anybody until [insert rape joke here] gets back. Pittsburgh 10, Tennessee 7

Seattle @ Denver
Is Denver any better than San Francisco? No. Is Seattle as good as last week indicates? Also, no. But they're better than Denver. Seattle 17, Denver 14

St.Louis @ Oakland
Really? God, this looks bad. I expect Campbell to look a bit less Russell against the Rams, though. St. Louis 13, Oakland 20

Houston @ Washington
How does the other Texas team fair against the Redskins? Better, but they are also choke artists. They'll make this uglier and closer than anybody probably thinks. Houston 24, Washington 20

New England @ New York Jets
The Jets play well against one dimensional passing offenses. Don't ask me how I know. But the Pats are on a mission to prove that they are still elite, and you know what? They are. New England 27, Jets 10

New York VaGiants @ Indy
Oh, the Manning Bowl again. Oh, I don't care. Indy's D did not look good last week and I doubt they look a lot better against the NFL's luckiest jerks this week. But the offense will be out of control behind a pissed off regular season Peyton Manning. VaGiants 31, Indy 41

New Orleans @ Frisco
Uhh...Door's already a'closin' Frisco. You have no chance here. DOn't even show up. What's the point? New Orleans is going to want to make up the points they didn't score in the first game. And they're going to do it with TDs because they can't kick field goals. New Orleans 42, Frisco 17

Jacksonville @ San Diego
I gave my Bolts the benefit of the doubt in the first game because I felt I had to. From here on out I call it like I see it. Denver let Garrard play a mistake free game last week. I don't see our defense forcing any mistakes. He won't have to do much, though, because MJD should have his way with our defense. The Bolts offense will likely fix itself this week, because I'm looking out side and it's not raining, but it isn't going to be enough. Jags 30, Bolts 27 Please prove me wrong. I want to be nothing but a filthy naysayer, but I'm just so fucking smart!

There you go. Time to grab the kids college fund and turn it into a fortune. You're welcome!

David Binn. Is. Dead.

At least for the rest of the season. Apparently Binn-he of the dating Pamela Anderson when people actually wanted to and having the longest Chargers starts streak fame-destroyed his hammy trying to go after Dexter McCluster on that 94 yard TD return*. That's costly. Really. I mean, a lot of people who are me have joked over the years about how hard could it possibly be to teach your Center to long snap and free up a roster spot, but I honestly have no doubt this will haunt us. This team looks ripe for blocked punts and other such unfortunate ball bounces this year.

*I hope McCluster got a stern taling to after that return. Everybody knows you don't field a punt inside the 10. Rookie mistake, really.

This Thing Ain't Selling Out

So you better get you ass to the game. They're 8,000 short of a sellout and they are not even going to bother to ask for an extension. And why would they? They probably wouldn't get one. After that horrible opener there isn't going to be any crazy run on tickets in the eleventh hour. And the local TV affiliate certainly isn't going to foot the bill for that many tickets; There are only so many needy kids out there who want to go see a game. And I doubt the NFL would give them the extension this time anyway. We will be made an example of, starting now. So, see you at the game...or not.

You'll Only Understand...

...if you read KSK regularly. Which you should.

Wouldn't You Know It...

You remember when you were a kid and you wished that you had a time machine so you could go retrace history's steps and do some really cool shit? I woke up this morning wishing I had one of those time machines, only now I'd use it for pure evil and to gamble on the outcome of sporting events and become super duper rich like Biff from Back to the Future. Only, I don't need the fucking time machine because this football team is the bizarro fucking groundhog day version of the one we loved so dearly since I don't know, forever? Only they don't make me fucking rich. Just angry.

No fewer than a half a dozen people walked on eggshells around me today talking about bullshit things like weather and economies and politics, things it occurred to them I might currently enjoy more than football. For the most part they were correct, I was one to probably avoid this topic of discussion with today. I've long been known as slightly pessimistic about football in these parts and today was no different. One soul braved her own fears and said she really wanted to ask me about the game but was a slight bit afraid I'd be upset and all cussyface like I can get at times. Yet, I'm finding it very difficult to be as angry as I was prior to the beginning of what will still probably be a serviceable football season. Hard to be too upset when the result was exactly what you expected. Isn't that the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting a different result?

Last night was yet another replay of the inefficiencies of this football team. All shortcomings were again displayed on the national stage. I'm still curious as to how we are still considered to be top tier talent bound for the Super Bowl when we repeatedly redefine shitting the bed in this hypersensitive, hyper reactive media age. I know, it's just one game and our division is still downtrodden and we historically get off to slow starts and all that ball suckoff that comes with the printed fellating of the management and coaching staff of this team. Yes, we'll probably be fine and yes we'll probably win the division. But if history has taught me anything it's that it won't matter because on the big stage we'll make the same stupid mistakes we've always made that have always driven me fucking crazy and we'll go through this whole cycle we've lived the last six or so seasons.

Some say McNeil and Jackson might have made the difference. Max and I have been basically saying that all off season. Some say we lost eight pro bowl players and actually improved as a result due to addition by subtraction. Which is confusing to me because I'm good at math and addition by subtraction is not fucking possible. In every possible result of subtraction you are left with less than you started with. I didn't even need fucking calculus to know that. Johnny has one apple, he gives it to that whore Suzi, Johnny has no apples. Or balls.

Some point to the defense being stout in the second half as a positive indicator of things to come, and since I've become so able to hurricane force piss on parades around here let me remind one and all that we spent the majority of the second half down by two scores, and the Chiefers had to do little with the football other than protect the lead. They succeeded. Remember when we used to play bend don't break defense with the lead as a young football team?

As a point of reference feel free to browse the archives and see if any of this sounds familiar. Remember when we didn't get three delay of game penalties? Remember when we didn't use three time outs to avoid delay of game penalties? Remember when we tackled running backs? Remember when we ran the same draw play inside the 10 yard line and it didn't work three times? Remember? We continue to make the same mistakes on the field, on the sidelines, in the booth upstairs and in the owner's box. AT least this time nobody is blaming the fucking kicker.

Remember this when next week's game against undefeated Jacksonville rolls around, only you can't witness this display of football due to blackout. Remember this when after a few blackouts the owners start talking about the fans not supporting the team, despite their incredible track record of winning the division. Remember when they pack up the team for Los Angeles and blame the fans for forcing their hand by not paying for a new stadium and donating the surrounding land to the ownership group for development. I won't say I told you so. I've said it too much already. To continue saying it is insane by definition.

That's Some Bad Hat, Harry

And the team ain't so great either. I wish I could say I was surprised. I know I picked the Bolts to win, but you have to understand that I'm really a homer on game day. Still, if you've been reading, you know what I think. I haven't read anything from the local stooges yet, but from the fans and on the radio I've already heard the excuse wagon roll on through. "It was a trap game." "The weather was too miserable." Hell, Scott Kaplan even tried to blame Malcolm Floyd for not leaping 10 yards into the air and catching a TD. These are the lunatic ramblings of a fanbase that is only starting to realize what's really happeneing.

It would be one thing if KC had come out and played inspired football-if they had looked like a team that was ready to turn the corner into relevence. But they didn't. Outside of about 4 plays on the night, their offense looked pedestrian. At the very least, they were no better perpared for inclement weather than we were. Their defense was nothing to write home about either. Just good enough to keep us in check. Not so good that Norv Turner should look that lost. Not so good that Philip Rivers should be so frustrated.

And there's another concern of mine. I'm as big a Philip Rivers supporter as you'll find, but kicking the ball and shouting at your receivers is going to do nothing for the public's perception of you as a whiny malcontent.

Lastly, and this not only bears repeating, it demands it. One has to wonder what the outcome of last night's game would have been if Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeill were on the field. Or what if the team had ever given a Kassim Osgood a fair shake, instead of continuing to wait for Buster Davis to arrive on the scene? Kassim was obviously missed on special teams. Maybe he was a leader there. But wait, AJ doesn't put much stock in team leaders. That's the coaches job. And team leaders are always expecting to get paid.

Of course, it is far too early to call this the final demise of the San Diego Super Chargers. They are notoriously slow starters under Norvelle Turner. But what do you take away from last night's effort that makes you feel good about the future? Gates is still Gates. Naanee emerged as a solid target. Despite the fumble, Mathews looked slightly better in Turner's system than LT ever did. And the defense, aside from one long run from Charles, didn't look completely atrocious. Does that sound like enough to warrant Superbowl aspirations to you? If so, I envy you your ability to ignore the obvious in the face of your loyalty to the team. Go you!!!

Tonight's Games

There's a whole bunch of stuff in the local rag today about the Chargers, but I don't really feel like getting into it, because it's all the same bullshit they print all the time and I know this blog has long since turned into a big Acee/Canepa hatefest. So let's just go to the picks:

Baltimore @ Jets
After yesterday I know better than to make grandiose statements like "The Raiders are going to be vastly improved!" and "San Francisco is a football team!", but I'm still calling the J-E-T-S a bullshit overrated whore of a team. Look, I like Tomlinson to round back into some semblance of the playmaker he used to be, but he's not going to be the grind it out runner the Thomas Jones was. And even if Shonn Greene does manage to fill that hole, I just don't see how this team is any better than the 9-7 club they were last year. And that team ran into some pretty solid luck in the postseason. A spiraling Bengals team and a perennially chokey San Diego squad that played directly into the strengths of the Jets. Baltimore, on the other hand, made obvious upgrades on a team that barely needed them. I mean, I'm pretty sure you can call Anquan Boldin and T.J. Hou-kay better than WR #2 and WR #3 from last year. Baltimore 24, Jets 10

San Diego @ KC
I was pretty worried about this game regardless of the way the Chargers pummelled the Chiefs last season and I still am. I fully expect Charles and Jones to run for about a thousand yards tonight, but I really felt the difference for KC would be Dexter McCluster, who is the kind of player the Chargers never seem to have an answer for. McCluster is doubtful with illness, and since I don't even know if KC employs a TE, I feel a little better here. Ryan Mathews should plow through KC's D. Chargers 35, KC 20

Yikes, I just picked two road teams. Well, I guess Baltimore is going to have to go ahead and blow it then. Fuck those guys anyway. Go Bolts!!!

Quick Thoughts from Opening Day

Some random thoughts and observations:

1) Screw you, Andy Reid. I drafted Kevin Kolb and you marched out Vick over and over again before Kolb got hurt? Way to try to establish rythm, fuckface. Looks like I need to put in a personal call to Kurt Warner to come bail me out again.

2) Maybe Delhomme wasn't the problem in Carolina as Matt Moore threw some boneheaded INTs yesterday. Oh wait, so did Delhomme in Cleveland.

3) Where were all these sports folk that were calling bloody murder on Calvin Johnson's bullshit incompletion call in the end zone last year? Welcome to the party, now how long before someone figures out that the NFL is misinterpreting its own rule?

4) Oh man, the Patriots look mad. Brady returns looking like he's and completely over than knee and I think you can forget about the Jets.

5) Denver is boring, but efficient. Not efficient enough to win however, and they made David Garrard look very good.

6) I'm not ready to buy Arian Foster yet. He's good for sure, but that Colts D looked lost once Bob Sanders went down with injury for the eleventy billionth time.

7) Atlanta is going to catch New Orleans? Not this year. Not if they don't establish an offensive identity. Turner carried the ball 19 times, but it seemed like he never did it twice in a row.

8) The Raiders? Really? I didn't expect a win, but I figured they'd walk out of Tennessee with their heads held high. I believe they ended up burrowing their way out under the parking lot.

9) Dallas sucks.

10) Green Bay does not.

11) All these thoughts be damned, though, because I think we really learned nothing about this season in week 1.

12) Go football!!!

Lets Pick Some Winners

As everybody else in the world gets to watch their team begin yet another glorious season of NFLing, I will be scowling into my vortex bottle and waiting. Still waiting for yet another Monday night opener. And not even the marquee Monday nighter, but the consolation, "see west coast, we totally care bout you" Monday nighter. Thanks NFL, you're all heart. At least I've got my fake football players to root for. Yay. To make it at least a little more interesting, I'm going to go ahead and hang my football idiot flag out there for everyone to see and make some picks.

Cleveland @ Tampa Bay

Ugh, meteor. Cleveland 24, Tampa 17 Next, please.

Miami @ Buffalo

I think I just heard Ditka say that Buffalo was going to throw a wrench into the AFC East for the first 4 weeks of the season. They should force him into a home. Miami 30, Buffalo 13

Cincinnati @ New England

My first instinct is to call both of these teams grossly overrated (and annoying as hell), but with Tom Brady a full year after recovery from his knee injury I have to believe that team starts to run up the score again. Cincy 24, New England 35

Indy @ Houston

Is this the year? Does Houston finally turn the corner and wrest the reigns of the division from the mighty Colts? No. Indy 31, Houston 27

Crappy Denver @ Jacksonville

Kyle Orton was a stud in the preseason. That means nothing. Denver has no offensive playmakers. Jacksonville has one. Do not watch this game. Fucking Denver 13, Jax 24

Atlanta @ Pittsburgh

I like Dennis Dixon. To my knowledge he has never raped anyone. But I'm financially invested in Michael Turner. Oh, and fuck the Steelers! Atlanta 26, Pitt 20

Oakland @ Tennessee

I, like most other stupid people expect Oakland to be considerably improved without Fat, Lazy Albert at QB. But week one in Tennessee? I have a hard time with that. Oakland 21, Tennessee 24

Carolina @ NY Giants

For a game that might mean something, I am completely uninterested. And I have Deangelo Williams on my Wizards of the Coast league (Feel the nerdery flowing through you). I don't care how much of a hard on ESPN has for the VaGiants, I am uncompelled. Carolina 30, VaGiants 24

Detroit @ Chicago

If you see me watching this game call the police because my loved ones are being held hostage somewhere. It's hard to even hate Cutler anymore he's become such an over the top parody of himself. Detroit 20, Chicago 27

Arizona @ St. Louis

Those reports of Arizona's demise may be a bit premature. And this is still the Rams they're up against. Arizona 20, St. Louis 19

Green bay @ Philidelphia

Have you heard? Green Bay has somehow already won the Superbowl! Reminds me of when my team won the Superbowl. Green Bay 30, Philly 31

San Francisco @ Seattle

Frisco is the undisputed favorite to win the NFC West, which is like being the undisputed favorites to beat the Washington Generals. Frisco 21, Generals 10

Dallas @ Washington

Dallas. Has any team garnered more respect for doing so little? They will be in the NFC Championship game with Green Bay, no doubt. Ha, they love to choke against the Redskins and they love to choke against Donovan McNabb. Dallas 14, Washington 24

So there's today's picks. Choke on 'em, Heh, 'em. He'll always be Dig Them to me! I'll go over tomorrow night's picks tomorrow or the next day. Until then, go football!!!

Last Night's Affair

So, I was wrong about the outcome, but I take solace in the fact that I was soooo right about the quality of play. Both of those teams looked like shit. You can argue that Saints didn't look awful, but that team came out throwing the ball on 15 of their first 16 plays with the obvious intent of getting up by a lot early, and they only managed 7 points in the first half. Rus-ty! Way to fuck it up, NFL.

Quick Notes:

• Looks like Favre either needs to start coming to camp or go ahead and fucking retire already. After watching that game I have no doubt last year's AFC Chamionship game is why he almost retired. He looked scared shitless of the Saints.
• Garret Hartley's 2 missed field goals once again beg the question, "Do my fantasy football teams curse kickers, or are my fantasy football teams cursed by kickers?"
• Shiancoe could have a great year, since he appears to be the only person Favre can see.
• Marckques[sp.?] Colston owners are going to be pulling their hair out by the end of the season.
• Since the inception* of the Thursday opener, the home team (previous year's Superbowl winner) is a perfect 7-0.

Fucking Thursday opener's are bullshit. Now we've got 3 more days until more football, and I'm ready to cry about it. And since I'm a Chargers fan, 4 more days so I'm going to bawl about it.

*speaking of inception, this is great

Dean Spanos is Stupid II

More today from Kevin Acee on his interview with Dean Spanos. I have to give credit to Acee for at least bringing up the 5 year/$60 million contract Miles Austin signed with Dallas. To this Spanos, replies:

“No one or two players is above the entire team,” Spanos said. “It just doesn’t work that way. What if they were here and got hurt the first game? … What do you do then? Do you just give up? The ship has sailed. We’re going.

To this I would like to give out my first ever award for Most Invalid Argument Ever. What if they got hurt the first game? What if anybody gets hurt the first game? You've signed other players to contracts that reflect their performance and value to the team. What if those guys get hurt the first day? What if Rivers gets hurt the first day because you didn't sign McNeill? This sounds like something Norv Turner would say. Of course, that makes sense, since AJ writes Turner's lines for him and probably does the same for Dean.

Here's the surprise of the article, though. In spite of what I said yesterday, it appears Acee did ask Spanos why the team did not offer Jackson or McNeill a big one year deal. Here's what Acee writes of Dean's response:

Spanos reiterated the team’s stance it would not give Jackson or McNeill a big one-year deal, indicating it would be bad business, and said he thinks the Chargers have done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible.

It would be bad business? Care to elaborate? No? Okay, fuck you very much. And you say the team has done enough in their efforts to be the best team possible? Hardballing young Pro Bowl talent for trying to get a fair price? Inexplicable draft day trades to acquire midlevel talent at a high price? Slamming veteran players before kicking them out the door because they don't see things your way? Completely eschewing free agency in favor of nickel and diming the payroll and relying instead on the egotastic GM's draft day brilliance? Turning around and treating those draft picks like shit a year or two later? Bringing in Norv Turner as a head coach? The list of best efforts goes on and on.

And on Yahoo! Sports reporting that an owner had said it was Spanos' dream to move the team to Los Angeles:

“I don’t recall ever saying anything like that,” he said. “I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.”

"I don't recall..." is the way someone begins a statement that is pure bullshit. It establishes plausible deniability. Later, if someone shows up with a recording, Spanos can say that he never said he didn't say it, just that he didn't remember saying it. Like how I can say I don't recall ever having sex with a morbidly obese chick, because if that happened (which, honestly I don't recall) I was way too drunk to remember it. What Spanos should have said is “I have never said anything like that to the media. To the media, I’ve remained consistent that we want to stay in San Diego.” Cause we all know that the Spanoses stand outside the window watching Jerry Jones light cigars with burning hundreds while kicking his feet up on the back of a naked, high-priced call girl and shout, "Someday we'll be like you! You just watch! We'll move our team to L.A. and then you'll have to respect us!

On the home opener being 10,000 tickets short of lifting a television blackout:

“I believe the first game will be blacked out.”

Well, refreshingly upfront. Kudos, Dean, you've totally redeemed yourself. On a side note, TV blackouts are a tool that the NFL uses to try to get you into the stadium so they can turn around and say that you need to buy your team a new stadium. You know, for you?

Go ahead and check out the whole article if you haven't. This guy is a weasel. And if you love Chargers football, this weasel has you by the balls.

Dean Spanos is Stupid

In case there was ever any doubt, check out Kevin Acee's blurb today where he "discusses" the Jackson/McNeill situation with Spanos. Pay close attention to this part:

“They have put themselves in this position,” Spanos said. “We did not put them in this position. It’s very clear to me, obviously, the CBA changed this year … We tendered them the highest possible offer we could, which is $3.2 or $3.3 million, which far exceeded their previous four years salaries collectively. They had 2½ months to go out and find a team to play for. They didn’t, or couldn’t. They elected at the end of 2 ½ months to not sign the tender. That’s the end of the story.

Oh, they could have just gone out and found someone else to play for? He makes it sound as though all any other team would have had to do was pay their $3.whatever million dollar tender (the highest they were allowed to offer, as they so often like to remind everybody) and the Chargers would have happily sent them on their merry way, but apparently all the other teams felt these players sucked balls. He just so happens to leave out the part where the other team would have had to give up a 1st and 3rd round draft pick, which highlights the fact that their tenders were well beneath their value, but whatever.

I'd also like to point out the way Acee takes everything Spanos says at his word without throwing in a single question for the other side. Here again I refer to the fact that no one in the San Diego sports media appears to have ever asked AJ or Spanos why they couldn't have offered a one year deal that was closer to their actual market value (probably between $6-7 million). As far as I know, they are plenty under the cap, so why not at least try to reward these players for their performance on the field? Because AJ thinks he's some sort of fucking dictator, and the Spanos family are cheap, money-grubbing ass holes who see you as nothing more than a dollar sign, that's why. I'm not going to say that I'll be relieved when this team packs it's bags and moves up the freeway in the middle of the night*, but I'm not NOT going to say it either.

Also, this part stood out to me:

Spanos also made clear on Thursday that he is in lockstep with General Manager A.J. Smith.

I think you meant goosestep, Acee. Zing! I find funny Nazi comparisons really bring the message home.

*which, of course, is how they want us all to feel, so the town will stop trying to find a way to get them a stadium and they can "bolt" and look like we gave them no choice

Football? Already?

What a pleasant surprise. I mean, it's a great show and all, but I can only take so many Thursday night Community reruns, so football just couldn't come at a better time. And what a fine match-up to foist upon the viewing masses to open the season. New Orleans vs. Minnesota in a rematch of the hotly contested NFC Championship game from earlier this year. Oh man, have I been waiting to see these two teams hit the gridiron again. Of course, I could've waited a few more weeks. You know, until both teams had shaken off the rust of preseason. Most teams don't really come into themselves fully until about week 4, so I suppose I could've waited until then to see this match-up. But, you know what? Fuck me. Nobody in football cares what I think. And nobody in football cares what any of you think either. So are you ready for some football?!!!

I don't know how sloppy this game will be, but there is no way both of these teams perform at the same level they will later in the season, and that is why we all get kind of hosed here. The good news is, several months from now when these two teams meet again in the playoffs, the paid pundits will try to go back and use this match-up as some kind of criteria to predict the outcome. Which will be hilarious, because most of those guys are fucking retarded. This game will present no evidence for them and it will drive them insane. They will side with the Superbowl winners if they win tonight. And they will side with the Superbowl winners if they lose tonight, but with the caveat that Minnesota could pull the game off since they won the season opener. And for tonight's game, they will all pick New Orleans because they won the last game. See, this is why most people in "the biz" will tell you they miss dynasties. Because when there were dynasties, ex-jocks who sit behind a desk and try to look smart about football didn't have to think too much. Thinking causes pain to the concussion center of the brain.

Anyway, blah, blah, blah I think otherwise, because I am actually from Minnesota originally, which obviously gives me valuable insight no one else can possibly fathom. Oh, you wan't analysis? Fine, how about this? Fuck New Orleans and their tragedy center of the United States bullshit! And I don't have a hard-on for Brees-us either. I saw him way back when you know? Adrain Peterson is a stud, fumblitis and all! And Brett Favre is the fucking Champion of being annoying, so what would be more annoying than if he continued to play at a high level? Nothing.

Vikes 24
Saints 21

Take it to the bank! And then rob the bank, because you probably just lost all your money if you bet based on what I just told you. Go football!!!

T-Minus 20 Hours til Kickoff...

Seeing as how we are less than a day away from the opening kickoff of the 2010 season, it's time to do the scouting reports. One thing that I'm sure of, that no one else seems to be biting off at this point is the fact that we are not the same "Super Bowl" caliber squad from even one year ago. No fucking shit? Have you heard even one conversation from people in the "know" about the Super Bowl this year? Neither have I, and believe me, I know why...let me count the ways:

Gone:

*Jamal Williams
*Vincent Jackson
*Marcus McNeil
*Kevin Ellison
*Antonio Cromartie
*LaDainian Tomlinson
*Shawne Merriman*(I know he's not gone "yet" but he's "hurt", hates the G.M. and has no contract.)

Replaced By:

*Ryan Matthews, Rookie albeit one that we are excited for.
*Brandon Dombrowski, Second Year San Diego State made spot starts last season
*Antonio Garay, Starting Nose Tackle, 4th year Boston College 17 Career Starts
*Cam Thomas, Rookie
*Antoine Cason, lost starting nickel position to the bench last year 4 Career Starts
*Stephen Gregory, 5th year Syracuse
*Larry English, 2nd year Northern Illinois
*Seyi Ajirotutu, Rookie Fresno State (What the fuck is a Seyi?)
*Nathan Vasher, Cut
*Jerome Williams, Cut

Now, I think it's safe to say that at many of the positions listed above we have suffered a measurable downgrade. However, if you read the Acee's and the Canepa's weekly diatribes you'll nary hear a word of these downgrades. What you will here is that expectations are high of these guys and they are making huge improvements! HUGE! They're totally not going to suck, or A.J. will just frame them with some prescription pills that aren't theirs after having the foresight to infer that they would run afoul of the law prior to their actual transgressions and expertly drafting their replacements. What a genius is that fuckin' guy? Why doesn't anyone ever write a story about him?

As you can see this "deep" team that all the pontificators in this town touted for the last four seasons is shallower than a Hilton sister with coke in her cunt. Mind you, I don't want to keep dwelling on the shortcomings that have not been addressed, but take another look. As Max so succinctly put it today in conversation, "The more I read about this team, the more I think we're fucked." For example, take Cason, a guy that was benched last season due to being fucking awful at covering space and or the opposing foe in nickel situations. He's started four fucking games in two seasons and now is thrust into the starting corner position replacing the Impregnator. Here's what people at that link are saying and believe me when I say this is about as negative as the language gets across the media:

"Antoine Cason; how will Cason handle stepping into the starting roll, with only 4 games started in his young career? He has averaged 2 interceptions a year in his first two years. With some pressure on Cassel he has the athleticism to start this season with just as many. However the Chiefs have some fast, experienced receivers and Cason will have to be on top of his game. He is moving out of the nickel role and will be able to do less free styling"


Free styling? Are you fucking kidding me? He "free styled" his way to the fucking bench last season. A coach at some point said to him he was far too fucking terrible at the nickelback position to even be on the fucking field anymore. This is now our starting cornerback opposite Quentin Jammer. Yeah, that secondary is far, far better than it was a year ago. Subtract Jamal Williams for yet another season and I think you'll find that we won't see an improvement in the pass rush that takes so much pressure off what I've long considered to be a mediocre at best secondary. And before you say something fucking idiotic like Eric Weddle is coming into his own, I had to listen to a Jets fan last night berate me about Shonn Greene trucking Weddle's corpse all the way to the end zone in the playoffs last year. Needless to say I won't remind you of the time he was celebrating his way to an excessive celebration personal foul on a play that replay ruled he didn't even make and guess what? I didn't even fucking need replay to see that not only didn't he make the play, replay only reveals that he's is fucking horrific at the safety position and he might actually be Jacob Hester. Max and I have discussed that point at fucking length and have actually obtained more evidence of actual fucking alien encounters, than ever seeing Hester and Weddle in the same frame.

God fucking dammit am I excited about football. And just to really shrink your asshole a few more notches, read this about the future of this great fucking game we give all our fucking time and money and attention to each fucking season. Read that and be fucking pumped for football. Seriously read it. It's the future of the CBA and the potential for a fucking lockout written in a way that even Norv can fucking figure out. Allegedly. He can allegedly figure it out.

Dear 2010 Season,

Hurry up and fucking start already. I hate your face and want you to fucking get cut in half by an eighteen wheeler you fucking asshole. Sorry. I love you football. Please hurry and deliver the kick in the blue balls you deliver me so timely every season.

Thanks in advance, and if you could, just don't take my quarterback until at least week 13, that'd be great.

Sincerely,

CJ

Lectures are for College...

Unfortunately nothing really happened in Chargertown today, yet football was the highlight of evening. Tonight was Fantasy Draft 2010. Now, you know how I feel about the Dungeons and Dragons aspect of Fantasy Football. People who live vicariously through their fantasy teams thinking they are the second coming of Bill Parcells or Bill Walsh wearing their infallibility as a badge is the most annoying aspect of the entire experience. Those who berate every decision you make as uneducated and every bad break they sustain is an affront to their intelligence. If you've played one week of one season of fantasy football you know the type.

I do know one thing. A goal of mine this evening was to get Antonio Gates and get him as soon as I possibly could. Again, for consecutive years, through the good fortune of whatever deity chose to shine on my ass this day I picked from the number one slot. Chris Johnson be damned, AP is my guy. The excitement starts in the three hole where I decided Antonio Gates was to be slotted. I've never enjoyed having the Gates on my squad and watched his production carry certain teams to new heights and this year in serpentine fashion, I had to have him at three or live without for another long season. Needless to say, I grabbed him like Cromartie grabs condoms...wait, way, way quicker than that.

Upon doing so I got what can only be considered a lecture from one of the other Belichick's in the room about how he was destined for a mediocre year in 2010. The lecture's premise was predicated on the absence of ye old Vinny Jack who, now departed, will not be available to absorb extra coverage. while I appreciate the concern, the idea that Gates will struggle with being double teamed for the entirety of a season is quite ludicrous. Should a team decide to double team Antonio Gates, and yes, it's been tried in the past, you'll find yourself in dime or nickel packages on every down, committing a member of your secondary and at worst a linebacker to monitoring the actions of a tight end. Possible? Sure. Probable? No. Intelligent game planning? No. A pro bowl quarterback will easily pick you apart if you double team our overachieving tight end and well, go ahead, play nickel or dime every down and watch Ryan Matthews have his breakout year early. Needless to say, I don't do lectures well so I shut off my attention span and focused on trolling the internet for the Padres score.

Now, I'm off to the backyard to sacrifice a live chicken in the hopes that I have not put the career of said tight end to not be mentioned from here on out in jeopardy. I've said too much. Football starts in roughly 42 hours. It's back. It will suck at times and it will be glorious when it doesn't drive you to the brink of insanity. But thank fuck it's back.

They're After Me Lucky Charms!

So the Chargers signed JT O'Sullivan to back up Billy Volek, which is a lot like keeping a Hyundai Accent in your garage in case the wheels fall of you ten speed. Let me be clear, San Diego. Billy Volek is terrible. From Kevin Acee's article today:

Volek is expected to return to practice Wednesday or Thursday. Turner recently defended Volek by citing his late-game effectiveness in the 2007 playoffs at Indianapolis and in last year’s season finale.

Yeah, that's the reason every idiot fan I know cites as well. You know why? Because there is literally nothing else you can cite when defending him. Outside of that short spurt of competence, I'd be willing to bet that more than half of Billy Boy's regular season drives ended in turnovers. And let's not talk about his preseason performance again. It makes me toosad. So listen up, Norvelle, you just go ahead and plug Sully into that second spot. He played for Mike Martz, so at least you know he's used to getting sacked 5 or 6 times a game.

Hi. I'm Back. What? What the Hell Did You Do While I Was Gone...?

Blackout period officially lifted. New huge television disaster narrowly averted and a football team (strikingly similar to the baseball posse here in town) is sparkling in it's disarray. Wow, the more things change the more they stay shitty and foul smelling.

As many of you may have heard, much like our wonderfully (mis)managed country's struggling economy, our footballing squad has hit a bit of a "rough patch". And by rough patch I mean being piloted by a half blind Kamikaze directly towards a nuclear power plant doing it's best impression of Chernobyl. No, those aren't racist comments, it's hyperbole of the highest order.

Again, as you may have heard, or not in some cases as the "sports reporting" in San Diego consists of A.J. Smith's hand puppet and my favorite, favorite of ever, Nick Canepa, and the always reliable for a verbal fellating Kevin Acee, two of the cogs in the wheel of Chargers GO, are unavailable for play and or comment. Perhaps you've heard of these two pro bowl caliber players, Vincent Jackson and Marcus McNeil. Now, I'm not here to inject my opinion about whether or not I think that management could have done more to negotiate with these players to facilitate a deal that would have gotten them to camp, not only on time but in an agreeable fashion, but we know the Godfather wouldn't have it any other way than total, complete, dictatorship control. Now being that Jackson is represented by these guys it's really no surprise that Smith is leveraging his position. Rumor has it that Jackson is not that skilled at driving drunk, being busted twice, once being pulled over for his inability to hear music at normal volume levels about 48 minutes before the coin toss of last years debacle of a playoff exit to the Jets (J-E-T-S SUCK, SUCK SUCK!!) in what has become classic Charger playoff form. Now, you'd think as Acee points out that if you have a reputation for questionable decision making and your agency has in fact been negotiators and or paid excuse makers for the likes of O.J. Simpson, "P-Diddy" Combs, Mike Tyson, and Lindsay Lohan, the Godfather will use that to box you up and ship you out of town to Abu Dhabi and or anywhere that is near exile for a Crest Liquor Beefy Bird Sandwich and a 7th round draft pick. Right or wrong it's what we've come to expect. Max was kind enough to point out that Acee probably fished out the four worst clients Jackson's representation was saddled (chose to represent) with, but I'm sure if I did a little digging I'd find they also represent Paris Hilton, Jesse James and Hitler.

All that leads to what little can confirm but most of us think and by most of us I mean Max and myself, conspiracy theorist extraordinaires, the long term future of the McNeil's and the Jackson's and quite honestly the Merriman's are insecure at best and probably solidified as probability zero. As Max mentioned, I firmly believe that Merriman's sore achilles is due in part to him longing for that long term deal that isn't coming, and quite frankly the way the Godfather muscles his minions to do his bidding Merriman knows as most of us do, he's not long for the squad. Why put it on the line this year for a team that has been so outspoken about his poor off field choices? Why put it on the line for a team with no cornerback, no safety and no left tackle? I can understand why his achilles might hurt, save it for next year, get the Jets to pony up some multiple millions over five years to underachieve for that shit managed squad of assholes. Nothing personal.

Quite honestly this applies to all three of the "key free agents". McNeil is the most likely to be signed as he's the armed guard for the best quarterback this town has seen in decades that makes a cool shade under a hundred million dollars. Probably want to protect that asset with the two time pro bowler in lieu of Dombrowski, who, I'm sure is a really cool guy, but expectations for that second year San Diego State "graduate" are slightly skewed upward this year wouldn't you say?

To diminish the role of that position is rather ridiculous but the Godfather and that god damned Norv Turner will have you believe that Dombrowski is ready to defend that spot. We'd better be damned sure he's ready, because if he's not, and god forbid if he's not, an injury to ol'Laserface and we're through. Let's be perfectly clear about this, if/when Laserface goes down the backup quarterback position is about as solidified as the California government.

Again, the "media types" in this town (I'm being generous and trying to limit my expletive count) will have you believe that Billy Volek is the unquestioned backup and should anything befall Laserface, we are in good hands the United Way. Alas, this is not the case. As Max pointed out (stop beating me to the punch! Shut up!) Volek has made some poor decisions with the football this preseason. He completed less than 50% of his passes and threw a whopping zero touchdowns and four picks against the B-Squads of the likes of the Niner's and Saints. Umm what? Oh, and we cut Jonathon Crompton (Hey, Leinert's now available!) and the heir apparent to Vinny Jack Josh Reed. You'd think they'd give Reed a look at safety or corner since there's a black fucking hole there. OOOOHHHH... I smell a bet. Cason or Vasher? Who will lead the team in penalty yards and being burned like suck toast...?

And the Padres have lost eight in a row in a display of suckitude forgoing all fundamentals after the seventh inning and playing like the first round (sorry, second round, dumb bye week expectations!) playoff exit Bolts. A display not likely to be repeated until we dump two of our first three games and Norvy starts to mug his excuse face on in front cameras.

As you can well see I'm super pumped and excited about this year's squad! Should they migrate north on the five freeway as the Spanos'(Spani?) suggested in Max's last post, mind you, my allegiance will not follow as the article suggests. My allegiance will be placed in a box and sent to Cox Cable with a steaming pile of my own feces and a fork for them to enjoy a la carte.

2010 Football! It's fantastic! What did I do with my sarcasm font...?

Spanos Has Michael Silver Fooled.

In Michael Silver's annual NFL owner rankings here's what he had to say about number 14, Dean Spanos:

14. San Diego Chargers – Alex Spanos (Dean Spanos): A few years ago, if you’d told me Dean Spanos could pull off a move to Los Angeles without being pressured by his peers to sell the team, I’d have accused you of having eaten some bad fish tacos. But it’s true: Of the teams theoretically in play for L.A. (Vikings, Jaguars, Raiders if Al Davis were no longer in the picture), the Chargers have moved to the top of an increasingly short list, partly because Spanos has come into his own as an owner – and also because his sincere efforts to make a stadium work in the San Diego area have been met with civic indifference. “Without a stadium he realizes they can’t compete [financially], and he has legitimately tried to get one built,” the aforementioned AFC owner says of Spanos. “His dream is to go to L.A., and it may happen.” That could mean a move up the freeway to Orange County, which might allow the Chargers to retain some of their fan base, or it could lead the team to the new stadium in the City of Industry being conceived by developer Ed Roski. In the meantime, give Spanos points for fielding a consistently competitive team fueled by brusque but brainy general manager A.J. Smith. As the labor showdown with the NFL Players Association looms, Smith and Spanos are also in lockstep on driving a hard bargain in player-contract negotiations, an approach that may cost the Chargers the services of a pair of Pro Bowl performers – wideout Vincent Jackson(notes) and left tackle Marcus McNeill(notes) – for part or all of 2010. Says the AFC owner: “Dean believes the system needs to be fixed and he’s putting his actions where his mouth is.” It’s a resolve of which politicians and voters around the San Diego area should take note in the near future.

I notice that whenever a writer mentions Spanos' sincere effort to get a stadium built in San Diego, they never mention the bogus loophole in the stadium contract after the Murph was rennovated years ago with city money. Much was made of how that contract was to keep the Chargers in San Diego until 2020. And no one talks about how the team sat back and collected money from the taxpayers for empty seats all those years while fielding a terrible football team. Yeah, that Spanos is a real prince. Oh, and let's not act like refusing to pay players their market value is some valiant effort to save the game somehow. It's a stingey, greedy move perpetrated by a stingey, greedy organization. Wait until L.A. sees what kind of team the Spanos family saddles them with once they finally get their way.

Things That Make You Go "Eh, Whatever"

The Chargers have acquired Patrick Crayton from the Dallas Cowboys for a 7th round pick. I guess AJ and Norv weren't as impressed with Buster Davis' preseason production as management lapdog Kevin Acee was. Just kidding, Davis isn't going anywhere until he has been given every opportunity to prove that he isn't a bust and AJ is the greatest draft mind in the history of the game!

Patrick Crayton. Okay. Can he line up at any off the following positions as well? Left Tackle, Cornerback, Safety, Inside Linebacker or Outside Linebacker? Cause, if so, I'm calling this the steal of the century.

Are We...

...one Quarterback injury away from being the worst team in football*? That jump shot INT into the end zone by Billy Volek last night says yes. To call that pass ill-advised would be an insult to the term "ill-advised." If anyone ever advised you to make that throw they should be strangled with their own in intestines. I'll grant that most of the night Volek's line looked to be in disarray, and by disarray I mean something, something swiss cheese, blah, blah was that guy asleep? humina, humina fuck these ass holes. However, I think it's high time we address the fact that outside of one solid showing in the playoffs for about half aquarter against Indy a couple of years back, every single time Volek has touched the ball has ended in disaster. I understand the Mayan calendar ends with a picture of his face.

That secondary is terrible. Terrible. One of the announcers-not that idiot, BR-asked if new CB acquisition Bennett had a shot at taking that starting job opposite Jammer from Cason/Vasher, noting that neither player had blown open the competition. Um, does Bennett have arms and eyes? Either or? Cause then my guess would be that he has a shot. It was nice to know someone was paying attention. Those guys look awful, and I can't see it getting any better once the games start to mean something. The only chance this secondary has of limiting an opposing team's pass production is if the other team cannot stop itself from running for 500 yards a game against our horrible run defense. It looked like Techmo Bowl Bo Jackson out there for Frisco.

Pretty much everybody is saying that the Chargers will still take this division, because nobody is stepping up to take it from them. I ask you this, though. How far does a team have to actually step up? Is this team better than the team that went 8-8 a few years ago? Think about it. Because both the Chiefs and the Raiders are poised to take a shot at 8 wins. I got a bad feeling about this year.

*The Rams are actually the worst team in football, and I doubt we could fall that far.

Vincent Jackson to the Vikes?

I could live with that. Michael Silver writes an interesting article on why and how he thinks this should be done. I find the most interesting part to be where Silver suggests that the Vikings should offer Jackson a one year deal at around $6 million (You know, about what the guy's worth). I find this interesting, obviously, because I've been saying for months now that this is what the Chargers should have done. Up until this point I've heard maybe one other paid sports professional bring this up. Of course, with Kevin Acee's recent assertion that the Chargers were never intent upon bringing Jackson back at all, I suppose this is all moot. By the way, Acee, do you think our venerable GM might have graciously allowed Jackson-a Pro Bowl WR with back to back 1,000 yard seasons!-to suit up with the team this year if he had signed their original piddling tender? Of course not! He was already out the door! Worst sports writers in the nation here in San Diego.

Shawne Merriman is What?

So, CJ and I were just going back and forth on this whole Shawne Merriman being injured thing and whether it was real or just him holding out for some reason or whatever. CJ seems to believe this is still about money and that Merriman should just show up, be awesome and collect his due at the end of the year. I would agree, wholeheartedly, if I thought this was about money. Personally, I think the guy still considers himself NFL elite and just doesn't feel like he needs to work out or take part in anything and that he'll show up for the first regular season game and get all Merrimanimal on the field and we'll all be transported back to 2006 where hope was all eternally springy and the dynasty was moments from taking flight and never looking back. I hope that happens. Truthfully, though, if Merriman does a single noteable thing on the field this season I'll be pleasantly surprised.

It's like so: Do I think Merriman is capable of regaining some semblance of his former self? Possibly. Do I think our defensive coordinator has the balls or the vision to run the type of defense that made Shawne Merriman what he was as a Charger? No. No, I do not. Seriously, can we stop giving Ron Rivera so much credit for something he achieved with the Bears like a million years ago? In Rivera's defense, though, so many of the pieces of that old defensive puzzle are long gone at this point.

As LaDainian Tomlinson (once referred to as The Best Ever on this blog and still referred to as such deep down in my cold black heart) will now have the opportunity to show the world that our system failed him and not the other way around, so might Merriman have that opportunity down the road. But here in San Diego, I'm skeptical.